"Father, Father! Please forgive me for i have just sinned! I pushed over a Toddler and spat at his Mother!"

"Well my Child that is a terrible sin and as forgivness I think that you should drink three handfulls of Holy Water"

The second Nun approaches the Priest and tell him,

"Father, Father! Please forgive me for I have just sinned! I've been sleeping with a different partner every night for the last month!"

"Well my Child that is a terrible sin and as forgivness I think that you should drink three handfulls of Holy Water"

The Third Nun walks up to the Priest and shouts,

"Father, Father! Please forgive me for I have just sinned! I Pissed in the Holy Water!"

First woman: "Did you hear about Bill losing his lisence to practice medicene?"

Second woman: "No i didn't, what happened?"

First woman: "Well, he was caught having sex with one of his patients!"

Second woman: "Oh dear, isn't that a shame"

First woman: "I know, he was the best vet in town"

He gives all three £1000 each. This is how they spent it:

1st girl: £800 clothes bill, £200 deposited into bank

2nd girl: £200 clothes bill, £800 deposited into bank

3rd girl: £1000 deposited into bank

Which one does he Marry?

The one with the biggest boobs!

"Do you have any candles?"

"No" replies the storekeeper "sorry"

The next day the same man walks into the shop again and asks,

"Do you have any candles?"

"Sorry" replies the shopkeeper "we didn't have any yesterday and we don't have any today"

This continues for several week until the shopkeeper becomes so annoyed that he shouts at the man,

"If you ask me that one more time i'm going to nail your dick to the counter and forcefeed you laxatives!"

Shocked the man walks out of the shop

The next day he returns to the shop and asks

"Do you have any nails or laxatives?"

"Thank God you didn't ask for candles, no we don't i'm afraid"

"Do you have any candles?"