If you weren't confused by the tree metaphor, then you might make it through these...

RANDOM THOUGHTS

2/1/04   I'm almost positive there is a more worthwhile use of my time loafing about somewhere in the form of a foreboding tower of books.  Regardless, here I am typing away my life.

    In the spirit of the Super Bowl, I rendered 5.5 insanely small chickens flightless.

    In other news, I did something incredibly idiotic.  Upon creation of The Chunk, the menstrual fairy blessed me with some cramps.  Horridly vexing, they had to be annihilated.  I distractedly made my way to the kitchen, popped two of what I believed to be Tylenol, and went back to my web page endeavors.  Twenty minutes later, my cramps were still a' raging, causing me to realize that I had actually taken two vitamins instead of the intended pain reliever.  Way to score, way to score.

    I've been saddened lately by the sandpits of high school.  By sandpit, I mean an obstacle that when in sight must be circumvented as apposed to conquered.  If one gets to close to the obstacle, he will be pulled into its center.  The closer to the center one gets, the harder it is to claw his way out.  I've been pretty good at avoiding such obstacles by staying with those who avoid them, as well.  However, those I thought to be safe companions are falling away, closer to consumption by the sandpits, becoming an extension of the problem I strive to avoid.  It was hard to see it at first, but I began to feel the pull; the sands were lapping over my feet, retreating waters from the shore.  At that point I just walked the other way.  I had to.  As high school fades into college, I cannot fade into oblivion.  My companions are now closer than ever to the vortex, eyes dull and red-rimmed from the swirling sand.  I've tried to pull them out, but the distance one has traveled into the pit is directly proportional to the difficulty involved in getting him out.  Perhaps it's not even "difficulty," but rather "effort."  Perhaps I should be trying harder, but I value my position on sturdy ground too much to risk.  Maybe it's selfishness.  I have no idea.

    I made a Tori Amos mix for Jon.  Although I love Tori, I'm not sure if I put the mix songs in the best order.  It's much harder to achieve the best mix order when all the songs are by the same artist.  It's not as if there's a mathematical formula one can use to calculate the song order that would yield the maximum coolness; however, it would be pretty sweet if there was.

2/2/04   Today was the cool of all cool, for I had an orthodontist appointment.  Teal blue ties, baby.  I really should have worked on my Bio but listened to Tori instead.  Oh, she's too delectable.  My day was pretty awesome as far as moods go.  However, I must proclaim that if I have to hear about Janet Jackson's boob one more time, I don't know what I'm going to do.  Maybe it was one of those deals where you had to have been there to appreciate the incident...or maybe not.

2/3/04   Every ten seconds, a math dork realizes that today's date could be represented by the three consecutive integers 2,3, and 4.  Case in point, I just now came to this numerical realization.

    Mr. Hock wanted to pee his pants today out of sheer aggravation due to the early dismissal of school.  I know this because I, too, wished to do the same thing.  At least, I will want to pee my pant out of sheer aggravation if I do not get to learn everything I need to take my AP exams in May.  I know it does no good to worry about it, but still, I wish to do well on these pivotal tests so as to accumulate college credits so as to pay for less classes I would not want to take anyway.  I'm incredibly sick of snow.  I remember living Newport News, VA, where there is rarely any snow.  Although I sometimes reflected upon how awesome it would be to miss one day of school due to snow, I wasn't the kind of kid who went around pleading to God, imploring for torrential blizzards (can blizzards actually be torrential?) that would wipe out all transportation for miles.  With this in mind, I wonder why it is that the area in which I live now is abnormally blessed with snow.  If I had been the type to demand such weather, I could see why.  "Think snow's the schiz, huh?  Let's see how the little bepigtailed girl likes it now!" said the random omnipotent power.  Ugh.  We even had a rain day in late September.  Ludicrous.

    Perhaps I will make use of this surplus of time...probably not.  I tend to procrastinate when given lots of time to get something done.  

    Heinous is the Matron Beast.  I think that pretty much sums it up.

2/6/04   What a day.  I was supposed to go to Millersville tomorrow for checking-it-out purposes.  I asked my mother two weeks ago if she was okay with it, and she said she was.  Today, though, she told me that she did not want to take me at all.  So, as of now, I am not going to the Honors College reception, which only annoys me because I had to call and make reservations and all that, and now there will be two saved, wasted spots.  I also had questions about the whole Honors College deal, but I guess I'll find out through other means.  Ugh.  Meh...to the tenth degree.

    I just realized that today is the day when I can access my SAT scores online.  Too bad I can't remember my collegeboard.com password and yourmom.com is being a douche.  Woo.  I'm really nervous.  It was such an ordeal to take the SAT's the second time that if I didn't do better this time than I did last time it would be horrible.  Maybe I will remember my password in time...or just get my SAT scores the boring old mail way.

    I'm so tired of everything.  At least I can go to karate with Susan tomorrow if it's not snowing like the big whore that weather tends to be.  I can't put my finger on it, but I feel like lying down and never getting up again.  No, it's not a cry for help or an indication that I plan on taking my life or anything like that.  It would be nice to go into stasis until all of these crappy feelings clear, emerging from my stasis chamber refreshed and ready for...whatever.  Rrraaaarrrrrrr.

    Maybe another reason for my odd mixture of pseudo-depression and anger has to do with this weather.  We got out of school early one day, we had a two hour delay the next, and there wasn't any school today because of the snow.  Ugh.  I feel like such a dork for caring about all this school we're missing and how behind we are in relation to the AP test syllabi of the various classes I'm in.  People keep telling me to chill the heck out, but I can't seem to let anything go, and am consequently lugging way too much around with me.  It's not like I have to feel so burdened; most of it's in my head.  The world will go on if I do not learn about blah for such and such a class, but I won't believe it, so I just keep worrying about events that I cannot control.  If there's one thing the druggies have that I don't, it's that.  Oh course, that could have something to do with the whole lacking in awareness thing...maybe.

    Random Song Lyric that's in my head: 

2/7/04: 1:07 AM   I think I'll start making note of the time at which I ramble.  This being said...I finally got my SAT scores offline.  1360-way better than last time.  Now I must go into the perilous journey of...

THE JANUARY 24th SAT's

    Like all good tales, it begins with a concerned parent.  Not my parent, Jami and Jess' parent- Mrs. Fiedor.  So, Mrs. F and I are in the Fiedormobile, and she starts asking me about college and all that.  "What have you done to prepare, what scholarships have you applied for, etc.  I mentioned the ones I was applying for, but she expressed a genuine concern at my SAT scores.  "I don't know...Michelle Baker got a 1350..."  I don't know why, but I got really scared.  She strongly urged that I take them again.  I went to school the next week and upon questioning my guidance counselor on the matter, he too said that I should take the SAT's again.  I was slightly miffed because I'd asked him before if I should take them over, and he'd said not to worry about it.

    Because the registration had already passed, I had to register at the test itself for twice as much as it would have normally cost.  The guidance man also said to get there way earlier, so as to ensure that I'd have a spot when I got there.  It turns out I also needed to fill out a form before I got to the testing place, but Guidance Man neglected to tell me this.  Luckily for me, another concerned mother stepped up to the plate: Dana's mom.  Dana was taking the SAT's at the same far-off place that I was, so I traversed there with her and her family.  Anyway, Dana's mom marched right up to the Hazleton High School guidance counselor and explained my predicament of ignorance to him.  He got me a SAT booklet with the necessary form.  She also saved me from waiting an excruciatingly long time to begin my SAT's, reading from an SAT booklet that students who register on site are not even recognized until all the non-slacker students were already seated.

    So, you see, if I had come all that way to take the SAT's and hadn't improve upon my score any, it would have all been in vain.  Luckily, I did do better, so rock on to...just about everything.

2/7/04: 6:25PM

Nod and watch your lips move, if you need me to pretend. -A Perfect Circle

    Hmm.  My back hurts.  I feel like an old person.  I hope my body doesn't fall apart.  It's probably karate-related, then again, it could be something completely different.  One time I pulled my groin in Chorus, so one cannot be too sure.  My day was karate-related, to be certain.  Susan picked my up and we got to the school at 8:50am, cleaning until 10am.  Then I helped out with two classes she was teaching, followed by more cleaning.  Then Jess, Susan, and I went to OIP's.  My mom drove by and honked at me, but I didn't know it was her.  She spent last night at Dave's.  I told her to go there after she expressed her desire to not visit Millersville.  Oh well.  I'm still miffed about the whole Millersville thing, but I don't think it'll do much good to act mad towards her; she won't understand why, anyway.  

    This morning I was listening to "Bliss" by Tori Amos and started bawling uncontrollably.  What it means to be made of you but not enough for you.  I was completely disarmed by that lyric.  I don't know what it's really supposed to mean, but I always think about my mom when I hear it and everything that's been going on between us.  Meh.  

2/14/04: 1:22AM   Nothing much has happened this week.  I fell on my knee, bruising it severely, rendering it temporarily...in massive amounts of pain.  Furthermore, it appears as if I was blind when I did my makeup, when in actuality I got elbowed in the eye in karate.  Then someone kneeled on my arm fat, giving me a huge bruise.  Hehehe.  All from karate.  Woohoo.  It's usually not like that, "that" meaning injurious; this is the most I've been damaged in karate.  It's pretty funny when you squint and turn your head to the side.

    Umm...That's about it.  Except that I hung out with Abdalla, unknowingly sporting Crime and Punishment.  It was in my coat pocket so as to aid in passing the time in doctor's office I endured this morning.  It's a shame the book's on the boring side.  Because it could not keep my attention, my curiosity meandered to the examining room's supply cupboard.  Out of spite I lifted a pair of latex gloves.  Man, I'm bad.

2/18/04:  10:34PM   I'm getting my wisdom teeth out tomorrow.  Although I'm slightly apprehensive, it's not really bothering me too much at the moment.  Wish me luck.  I'm really sorry I've been so boring lately.  I'm just not feeling witty at all.  I think someone or something has possessed me recently, at least, that's what it feels like.  I haven't felt like myself for almost a month now.  It's really hard to explain, so I'd rather not make any further attempts at doing so.  Seriously, though, I was way funnier a few years ago.  Check out my older webpage for a good time...or get a hooker.  I don't care.

2/20/04:  4:51PM   As of now I have no wisdom teeth.  In their stead resides puffiness.  I kind of already resembled a chipmunk, but now there's no denying the likeness between me and the particular species of rodent.  My face is somewhat achy, but I just thought I'd let you know that I didn't die.  

2/24/04:  9:13PM   Ironically enough, I kind of feel like dying.  Hehehhe.  Why am I laughing?  Answer: because that's how messed up I'm feeling right now.  I would like to spread the legs of this story wide open and expose it to the world, but as anyone could read this, let's just say Little Linn experienced a taste of heartache.  I don't even know how it happened.  I thought we were friends, but then "Ralph" says he might be dating someone and I'm almost in tears.  I didn't even know I felt that way about him until I told him.  It really is insanity.  So now I'm all distracted, randomly laughing when nothing about whatever I'm doing/thinking is remotely funny.  Just ask Sarah.  I think it's like when air leaks out of a tire...except that maybe it's life that's seeping out of me.  Ugh.  Don't take pity; it's actually terribly pathetic.  Heheheh.  Once again, why am I laughing?

   Umm...oh yeah, I got a math scholarship for Millersville.  It happened the week I got my SAT scores back, but I neglected to report it as I was absorbed in other items of business.

My face is almost normal again in chipmunkosity, but my stitches still hurt.  It's kind of cool, though, because until now, I could never say, "Hey, you almost made me bust a stitch!"  I can't wait until I can return to the way I used to be, eating my family out of house....house, but not home.  I think to say "out of house and home" would be a stretch, don't you?  I plan on making a branch of my webpage dedicated to my surgery.  After all, it was my first time being put under...put down???  Oh, wait, I think being put down is what they do to unwanted animals.  They should do that to me...heheheh.  Again the unwarranted laughter arises.   

2/25/04:  10:48PM   I hope to wake up tomorrow and start anew.  I guess I can hope, right?

2/26/04:  9:32PM   I think I'm going to be okay.  I don't feel as crappy when I see Ralph and his like (as opposed to love)  interest...whatever.  I'm even sick of hearing about it, so I'll move on- hopefully for a while, at least.

I got my wisdom teeth sutures out.  Now I can eat foods...normal, solid ones.

3/1/04:  10:16PM   The sun is getting dim.  Will I pay for who I've been? -Tori Amos

    Wow.  This whole Ralph thing really threw me off.  Check out how I neglected to indent at the beginning of new paragraphs.  Holy crap.  I hope my sense of grammatical reason is never affected in such a negative way by a guy again.  Hehehehe.

    I had an interesting AP Bio class today.  People stuck pieces of camo duct tape to me while I was trying to figure out what was going on during lab.  Well, it was really only one person, and it kind of hurt that she was doing it, as she's one of my better friends who would know how weird I am about things being stuck to me.  It was pretty immature, also.  Maybe that's not fair; I'm pretty immature myself...oh well.

3/19/04:  12:09AM   Hehehe...I just called my little brother a "doofnut."  This here one's a'goin' in the record books...

3/22/04:  10:17PM   You don't know the power that you have with that tear in your hand... - Tori Amos

    I really feel as if I'm letting my dedicated website fans down.  On the other hand, I can't seem to bring my self to care about things enough to write them down.  Even now I can't be too sure if what I'm saying will make sense to anyone else reading it...did that make sense?  Hmm...

    Oh, wait, here's something upon which to expand: my ever-increasing time-related anxiety.  I seem to get unnecessarily worked up about deadlines and the time in general.  I think it was triggered when a certain someone stood me up (*cough, cough, ABDALLA.*).  So now I spend the greater part of my day worrying that I will be late for this or that, or that my mother will forget for the 17th day in a row to photocopy her income tax form that I must submit as a part of the FAFSA verification process.  Yeah.  17 days.  What all does she do when I'm at school?  I can't say that I know, since I'm hardly ever at home.  I almost wish she had Mafia ties or something like that so that at least I'd know why she didn't have time to go to Staples for ten minutes so as to make a copy of her income tax form.

3/24/04:  10:15PM   I have developed frogeyes from crying all the time... - Bif Naked

    I made Sarah a Heartbreak Mix to help deal with these horrid boy-related emotions we've been feeling for our respective objects of affection as of late. I made a copy of the mix for myself, as it is so awesome, consisting of the following:

4/18/04:  9:50PM   Here she comes now screaming Money, Money... - Billy Idol

    Creepily enough, I think I might be attracted to the strapping...not too young lad pictured above.  It's really hard to explain, and it's not as if explaining it would make any sense to others who are any semblance of normal, so I think I'll refrain from saying anything further on the subject.

    I have a lot of various business in my life at the moment:  school, college stuff, peanuts, etc.  Yeah...I'm not being honest about the peanuts part...they actually seem to be playing an extremely minor role in my life presently.  The other stuff's pretty crucial, though.  AP exams are in 2-3 weeks, Millersville is finally sending me information to fill out, financial aid people are contacting me...score.  I think I'll be able to pay off my college debts before my death (assuming that I die a timely death).  

    Yeah...I'm definitely too busy for my beloved webpage...that'll change after graduation, though, so that's going to rock my socks off.  Goodnight, sweet darling of a webpage.

5/2/04:  10:28PM   My knife is sharp and chrome.  Come see inside my bones. - Deftones

    Man, was I right or was I right when I said I didn't have time for my webpage.  Where as AP exams were in 2-3 weeks, they are now in 2-3 days.  Woohoo.  I'm ready to drop dead.  I can't wait until next Tuesday, for by that time, I will be done with all of these hellish tests...mmm...rhymes with relish.

    I should probably go to bed before sleep deprivation evokes less wholesome associations...Olson Twins...?  I haven't known for a long time.

5/5/04:  8:15PM   I don't mind you coming here and wasting all my time, time...

    SHOWER!!!!

5/9/04:  9:26PM   She burns like the sun and I can't look away - Muse

    Well, there's bad news and then there's awesome.  I'll start w/ the bad and work to the awesome in an admittedly predictable manner.  There really isn't too much bad that's rocking the boat at the moment.  In a sentence, here's what happened: I let my mom get to me.  She just kept going on about how there was no one who would want to help me out with getting to my dumpy Millersville open house, and I listened to her.  Insanity should usually be taken with a grain of salt, but I was already bogged down with other happenings, so I temporarily lost my inner cohesiveness.  After talking to my sister and my father, though, I realized that they were there to help me with everything.  I feel kind of ridiculous for forgetting about them, but since they don't live with me...anyway, I feel collected again and ready for some AP Biology action.  That's the other badness, or at least semi-bad.  I'm not too worried about the upcoming exam that is to rock my little be-pigtailed world at 9am tomorrow morning.  It'll undoubtedly rape me, but as I haven't been sufficiently raped by my other AP exams, it's only proper that at least one does the job properly.

    What's the awesome?  Umm...I'm getting a job to pay for electric stuff at my dad's because...oh, yeah, I'm moving in!  Yes, I'm terribly excited about moving out of my mom's and entering the world of not quite as much negative crazy.  The fact that 2/3 of my AP tests are in the "I never have to look at your ugly face again" bin makes me feel pretty awesome, too.  WOOOHOOO.  Goodnight.

5/12/04:  10:46PM   Almost brave, almost pregnant... - Tori Amos

    Today was full of...interesting/awesome- mostly foot mangling, but still.  

5/23/04:   10:38PM  ring, ring, ring, ring, ring, ring, ring, banana phone!

    Much less foot mangling occurred since that last entry.  What happened- yeah, I was pretty vague, so I guess I should elaborate- was this:  I was picked up ever so slightly off the ground, causing me to lose my footing on my re-acquaintance with solid floor.  It was during karate, so it's not like I was picked up and caused to damage my feet at school or at the orthodontists...because those are the only two places besides karate that I go now-a-days...

    I tested for my black belt on...yesterday.  Yeah, I guess it was yesterday.  I just got done watching this messed up flash animation entitled "Banana Phone" on http://www.newgrounds.com/ ..."ring, ring, ring, ring, ring, ring, ring, banana phone."  Now that song's stuck in my head.  Hehehe.  Oh well.  Oh yeah, the test, it wasn't too bad, but then again, not too great, either.  I'm really tired, so I'm going to make like an atom and get the crap out of here.  Good night, deary.  

5/31/04:   10:27PM  so maybe we're a bliss of another kind - Tori Amos

    I'm so pumped for prom.  This is the girliest I've felt since...well, ever, I guess.  I got all of my make-up and girlie accessories.  The degree to which they match is too much.  I mean, I've been known to coordinate up a storm in my day, but this is crazy.  Anyway, Abdalla and I will surely tear up the firehall.

    I passed my huge-oid test. Yeah, you could probably still kick my butt...I still need to put the finishing touches on my speech (i.e. do it).  I'm going to sleep some, now.  Ya cha cha.

6/7/04:   9:31PM  Pink, it's my new obsession - Aerosmith

6/10/04:  9:45PM  As much as I definitely enjoy solitude, I wouldn't mind, perhaps, spending a little time w/ you - Björk

    It seems the cycle has repeated itself.  My feelings for Ralph, which I thought to be dormant/subsiding, were questioned by Ralph himself.  He does not wish to injure my feelings as he did the last time and asked me the other night how I felt about him.  At first I thought, "Well, of course I have feelings for him.  Why else would I have been so crushed by the events of February/March?  Ah, but then I am often disgusted with his self-destructive nature...hmm."  I could not give him a straight answer, inevitably contradicting myself.  Poor Ralph.  Would I be able to handle it if he acquired a romantic interest, or would I react as I did before?  It's boarder-line impossible to understand.  What I do know is that I could never have a serious relationship with him due to a number of his vices.  Furthermore, I am going to college in 2.5ish months.  What brings this about is that I really  need to talk to him, need the support of a friend that I know he would provide, as my night has been rather taxing on my spirits.  Alas.

    Oh, yeah, graduation's tomorrow, and I must present a speech of some sort.  As graduation IS tomorrow, I took care to ensure that it was done before today...yesterday, to be precise.  Wish me luck or maybe an airborne illness.

7/7/04:  3:14PM...PI-O'CLOCK!!!!  his cigarette is burning, but he never seems to ash - Cake

    Wow.  A long time, yes.  I gave my speech, and the majority of those who heard it seemed to enjoy it, which slightly surprised me.  Although I'm sure some misinterpreted it to mean that I don't believe it a good aspiration to do one's best, when I meant that there's a difference between one's best and the best.

    So I graduated and the next evening had a fun little get-together with some people from the karate school, most of whom were at my graduation.  Although it is proper etiquette to attend an event to which one is invited, I was deeply touched by the turn out.  Sometimes I forget about the wonderful people around me who do care.  Here were all of these people, setting aside time for me.  Wow.  It was, to say the least, a contrast from the previous night, when I arrived home from graduation to find that my mother had spent the night at her boyfriend's.  So we don't get along too well.  True.  On the other hand, it was to be my last weekend living with her, let alone the only high school graduation I would ever have.  She did come to see me speak, though, and that did mean a lot.  Sometimes I feel like I'm neglecting the good and focusing entirely on the bad.

    That Sunday, two days after graduation, I moved to my dad's.  It's been pleasant for the most part; my father and I coexist much more efficiently than my mother and I.  My bedroom is starting to look a lot like my bedroom, as opposed to a bedroom with numerous cardboard boxes, their contents begging to be placed in their newly appointed places.

    There have been some snags in the past month, though.  Weis did not hire me, which saddens me, as I need money desperately.  I am still in pursuit of funding.  Wish me luck.  Furthermore, I am having difficulty in getting to karate, as I sill do not have in my possession a driver's license.  People are pretty inconsiderate about it, forgetting what it was like to be without means of self-transportation.  Some people even feel the need to inform me that I could get my license at any time, as I am 18.  However good and lovely that may be in theory, I was convinced that the point of a driver's test is to PASS it, thereby attaining a license.  I feel that I'm losing patience with this horrid little town and the people in it.  Thankfully, I'm leaving in 1.5 months.  Granted, Lancaster is purportedly similar to Bloomsburg in size and ethnic diversity.  Still, I cannot say I'm not looking forward to a change of scenery.

    This is also the first time in at least four years that I have not really had anything to occupy my time.  If nothing else, there was summer reading.  This summer- nothing.  There's always hanging out with friends and the like, but that's not all of the time.  There are many moments in the day when I find myself insanely bored.  Some activities I've taken to combat this dreadful idleness are jogging, reading, and random cleaning.  I don't think I'd feel so restless if I was still getting my tri-weekly dose of karate and daily inoculation of school.  I miss math and english the most.  Although infamous for my love of mathematics, this new liking of english took me by surprise.  It's just so awesome to read someone's literary work, whether it be poetry, short story, novel, and discuss ideas about it and what it meant to different people.  *Sigh*

    Oh yeah, I'm gonna bust an ovary if the AP scores don't come soon (you can thank Jess Fiedor for that nifty phrase).

7/8/04: 6:56AM turn off the sun, pull the stars from the sky -Nine Inch Nails

    Ah, nothing like a 6 AM driving lesson...Susan has been taking me driving, lately.  Now that my sister's home from her internship in New Jersey (ya cha cha), Susan will not feel so obligated to take me driving.  I mean, I appreciate her help but often feel as though it's an insane hassle for her.  She says she's up that early, anyway, due to her new puppy, but I still worry that I might be severely inconvenient.

    The coolest thing about my room is that it smells like the "home for the holidays" candle that I constantly burn.  I just sniffed it in an attempt to better describe what "home for the holidays" smells like...but just smelled burning.  Maybe I need to wait a few minutes, as I just lit it.  It's a combination of spices, somewhat orange-clovey.

    I'm off to read/sleep until my orthodontal appointment at 9:10AM.

2:37PM  other people throw away all their guilt, but I ain't other people -Prick

    Woah.  Cool of all cool: I get my top braces off before I go to college.  Holy awesome.  Anyway...umm...that's about it.  Oh, and my advisor from MU called to say that I'm going to be receiving $4,125 per year in scholarships, instead of $3000.  Yeah, there are way bigger scholarships out there, but seeing as how MU's a state school, it's not much to go there to begin with.  Anyway, I'm very pumped for college, as I have already mentioned.  Chugga chugga...I could go for some The Picture of Dorian Gray right about now.

7/10/04: 7:52PM  when i am king you will be first against the wall -Radiohead

    Hmm...much has happened, I think.  I got a job at Weis Markets, which makes me much less like a bum than I've felt in a long while.  I am to work as a cashier...maybe this will cause the death of my love for the *cha-ching* sound.

    I was slightly peeved by an email from an MU faculty member.  Well, I'm assuming he was a faculty member; for all I know, he could be a hobo.  Anyway, after talking to at least four different people from MU and hearing from them that I would be able to make up most, if not all that I missed at freshman orientation, this shmoe says that I will be "at a distinct disadvantage from the other incoming freshman who attended the orientation" and that "the information provided at orientation cannot be 'made up' by any means."  Whatever.  He can eat shit and die for all I care.  I did use the phrase "make up" in my email to him, but that was the same phrase that my advisor had used, so...urrrrggghh.  

    Oh well.  I have too many good things going for me to allow this dooffish to get to me.  Now, if only the AP results would make their marry little way to my mailbox...if only.

7/17/04: 12:06 PM...or it would have been had I not decided to take a shower.  So I guess it's actually 12:53PM, and there is no song in my heart at the moment.

    Take a moment and pray.  Not necessarily for yourself, but for someone  you know who is in need of it.  We all know at least one person who fits this description.

    I feel frivolous discussing anything else, but since it's my journal, I guess I'll inform you of the Sherry-related happenings of this week.

    As you know, I got a job at Weis' as a cashier.  After the orientation nonsense, I was trained in the art that is cashiering.  I'm pretty slow and accidentally double scan stuff all the time.  I think I'll be ok, though.  I worked unassisted at the register for two hours yesterday.  That sentence reeks of bad grammar, but I can't really say why.  Maybe it's actually I and not the sentence that reeks of bad grammar.

    Umm...I want to give blood today, but I don't know if I'll be able to get a ride and such.  Oh well, at least there's always other odds and ends to be completed on my day off from work.

7/21/04: 4:57PM  I have to tutor, but I should be back laterish.

7/23/04: 7:21PM  Drag the miles in me, I am yours alone. - The Smashing Pumpkins

    I hung out w/ Liz last night, which rocked as predicted.  I really wanted to get on here and type away, but now I can't seem to think of anything worth saying...not that much of anything on here is ever worth being said.

    Oh, yeah.  The AP scores came.  I was pleased, for the most part.  I got a 5 on Bio and Calc, the two that I really studied for/ cared about.  I mean, no offense to AP English.  Overall, I enjoyed the class and all of the discussion.  On the other hand, I had no idea how to go about studying for the exam.  I took notes and everything in the class, but they weren't the kind of notes I could study.  "So and so wrote the poem '____' in 1954...synecdoche...cosmic irony..."  It was more insight than actual facts.  I'm way better at studying concrete facts than techniques.  I still got a 4, which I was pleased w/.  Yeah...I'm going to leave.  Good day to you.

7/24/04: 10:16AM  ambition makes you look pretty ugly, kicking screaming gucci little piggy - Radiohead

    Man, I'm sorry to post two song lyrics from the same song w/in such a short period of time, but I can't help it. Paranoid Android by Radiohead is the coolest song I have ever heard in my life!  Seriously, it's always in my brain, ever since I borrowed from my buddy Rich a month ago.  Wow.  It's just that good.  

    I just decapitated a flea.  Score.  I think that's the only way to kill them efficiently.  I mean, you could squish them, but you're kind of at a disadvantage going about it that way.  The flea's crazily small to begin with and flat on top of that, so it's just easier, in my humble opinion, to be off w/ its head.  

    I want to be suspended in space with this Radiohead cd on my headphones.  Man.  Oh well, I guess I'll just go to work, instead.  Luckily they can't take my brain away from me, where it is always merrily playing away.  Ya cha cha.

7/25/04: 9:46AM  You keep your wishes, I'll keep my feelings - Limp Bizkit

    Yes, I know.  You're thinking, "Eww, Limp Bizkit.  They were so middle school..."  I must admit that I am in a mood for Limp Bizkit very rarely.  I'd say 11 days out of the year, about.  But this song, Hold On, on which the singer of Stone Temple Pilots provides the majority of the vocals is simply beautiful.  Ugh.  It bothers me that I cannot remember his name, though...SCOTT WEILAND!!!  I had to look it up, though.  Meh.  How easily one forgets...

    Today I have work at 11am, once again.  I kind of hate working 11-4.  I don't know why, but I feel like I've wasted a large portion of my day that way.  When I worked 8-noon once, it was the best.  I got home and felt like I had the whole day ahead of me and that I hadn't wasted the morning, as I would have had I not had to go to work.  Oh well, I still love working and earning my own money.  I always sympathized w/ people when they complained about how much taxes take out of their paycheck but didn't actually realize the horrid truth until yesterday when I received my very first paycheck.  I guess I'll save this rant for my work page, which is under construction...

    I dyed my hair dark reddish.  I almost typed radish...like the food...I think it's a food...or a humour from the medieval times when they thought certain colors and body fluids were linked to moods...or something.  I know Sarah and Laura K know way more about it than I do...please forgive me, Mrs. Steiner.  Anyway, I thought I'd get in all this trouble for dying my hair because I didn't know if Weis would interpret it as a "weird color."  Obviously not.  Nobody cared.  Rock on.

    I have additional loafing to do before I get ready, so I guess I'll bring this entry to a close.  It's so funny, I'll wake up at 9:15-9:30amish, not Amish, and be like, "Score, I have loads of time...no point in getting ready now..." So I always end up getting ready in the last 5 minutes possible.

7/26/04: 1:37PM  line me up in single file with all your grievances -Tori Amos

    Because I have no homework, I thought today would be a fine day to work on my webpage.  I really wish I had something more productive to do, though.  As you know, I hate to loaf aimlessly around.  This is not inclusive of hanging out w/ friends and family, as awesome relationships must be maintained.  Off I go.

7/27/04: 2:53PM  she says that love is for fools who fall behind- Fuel

    It's so easy to forget about our own beauty when rejected from another we see beauty in.  Yes, it's too easy, but that doesn't make it acceptable.  We all have something inside of us that someone else needs.  Just because someone else doesn't see it, does not mean that it went away or that it was never there to begin with.  Remember that there is beauty in us all.  Cliché, but true.  That's why clichés are so...cliché. 

    On a completely different note, look at the last entry.  "Because I have no homework..."????  What is that?  I meant to say that I had no work/cashiering/Weising, but that's not what I typed....Oh man.  I don't know if I'll ever stop being a student.  Geez.  Yesterday at Denny's, I raised my hand to ask the waitress a question.  Nerdy^10.

    I made Haein a mix and mailed it.  Hopefully she does not frequent this page, otherwise, I totally ruined the "surprise."  She's a smart lass, so she probably already knows.  I mean, I asked her for her address at Governor's School and then asked her what kind of music she likes/doesn't like.  Well, I have to get ready to tutor...PI O'CLOCK!!!

7/28/04: 3:57PM  is it any wonder i can't sleep?  all i have is all you gave to me- The Smashing Pumpkins

    I can't even say why, but I'm so down.  I want to go jogging so much, because that would seriously help, but it's rainy.  Raaaarrrrrr!!!!  I feel like ripping out my own heart so that I wouldn't be feeling so crappy, or anything at all.  Metaphorically, obviously.  If I wasn't anti-drugs, I would want to go to an opium den like Dorian Grey.

    Oh yeah, I'm taking a definite stance: no drugs for Sherry.  None.  I'm so glad I have friends to help me realize the obvious.  For that I'll endure a bad day.  

11:15PM  spent, sighing w/ that look in your eyes, spent, sweating w/ that look on your face like...sweet revelation...-A Perfect Circle

    God, what a wonderful song.  Thinking of you, thinking of you, thinking...  Sometimes, like right now, I feel like suspending myself in a pool of nothingness and being inside of a song, just floating.  I think I might have expressed a similar desire before, but it's been on my mind a lot.  To just never have to talk to anyone, just coexisting w/ the music.  Really, really good music makes me feel like that.  Radiohead, the Smashing Pumpkins, A Perfect Circle...man.

    Oh, and I replaced a halogen light bulb.  I felt like I was disarming a nuclear warhead or something.  My dad was like, "DO NOT TOUCH THE BULB W/ YOUR HANDS!"  I had to get tricky and handle it w/ a paper towel.  I was all afraid that I'd plug it in and my whole room would just burst into flames.  Luckily, no such crazy occurred, and I now have a well-lit dwelling.  Some have expressed disapproval at the fact I used to light my room w/ three entire lamps.  "Do you have any idea how much electricity you're wasting?!?!"  Holy cow, old man, calm down.

7/30/85: 4:37PM  ten times removed, I forget about where it all began- The Smashing Pumpkins

    Wow.  I feel crazy.  There's lots of computer swapping going on in my room.  First I was on my dad's, then I was on my mom's.  I'm still using her computer at the time being, but I was using Windows 98 but am now using Windows XP.  It might as well be a different computer, though, because I can go back and forth between the two, as if they were different computers.  I think I'm to get my computer back soon, which makes me very happy.  I miss it so w/ it's adorable little flattish monitor sized just for the Sherry's of the world.  *sigh*  

    Oh, and I'd like to make a formal apology: I am sorry for misjudging Staind.  They are a really good band, rocking and soothing- dynamic, if you will...or won't.  My only explanation is that maybe I was bombarded w/ other bands that at first seemed similar to Staind, and I knew I didn't really care for them.  I mean, Nickelback...ugh.  I can't stand that song about dirt on knees or whatever..."Figured You Out"?  I don't know...I'm not too pop savvy.  But, hey, if you like Nickelback, whatever.  It's cool.  You like your music, and I'll like mine, and we'll all get along, and I'll keep typing run-on sentences.

    Well, I'm going to watch some movies now, since I have nothing planned for the evening and I do enjoy loafing now-a-days...

7/31/04: 9:51PM  i won't sympathize anymore- Björk

    Today was of the color Gina, which, if she were an actual color, I'd describe to be a purple-pink-magenta hue.  We went to open practice at karate in the morning and then proceeded to her house for hamburgers and loafing.  When I returned to my dwelling, I was greeted by the smell of burning.  "Eww...it smells like burning in here..."  I didn't see anything aflame, so I opened my door and sprayed it w/ some weird Bath and Bodyworks stuff I'd gotten for Christmas and only use to mask unsavory odors.  I still don't know what caused the scent and hope to awake tomorrow not on fire.

    Oh yeah, I hung out w/ Tinaw (Tina w/ a W).  She's going to the beach but is rendered swimless by a surgery she had, so I did what any good friend would do: I GAVE HER A CALCULUS BOOK!!  My dad has all of these awesome math and science books from college just floating around.  I also hooked her up with Fundamentals of Acoustics to pass the time.  Tina is awesome.  

8/2/04: 2:27PM  someday you will ache like i ache- Hole

    Hmm...no work today...people are stupid, and driving manual is really hard, at least for me, anyway...

    I did experience some awesome times, though.  Yesterday a bunch of us hung out at Laura's and then Brittany's.  It was so much fun.  Thanks to everyone who was there.  Summer is supposed to be the time of mirth and delight if ever there is such a time, after all.

    Meh.  I think I'll take a nap...or rot.

9:45PM  it's best to keep things on the shallow end, 'cause i never quite learned how to swim- A Perfect Circle

    I'm not feeling as grotty as I was earlier today.  I think it was the abundance of...oh, I don't know...ANT HORMONE that was plaguing my room!!  Yeah!  I found 5 crazily big ants moping about in my room today.  They looked dead, but then I'd poke at them, and they'd twitch like they were pissed off at me for disturbing their death-like slumber.  Well, I'm sorry, but if it's in my room, then I'll prod it.  It's that simple.  My dad saved the day w/ some ant traps, though.  I feel kind of bad killing them in such a merciless way.  It's ingenious, really.  They take stuff from the traps and use it to make poisonous food for the royal highness herself, Madam Queen Ant.  I mean, I think the ants in my room were all twitchy because they'd encountered the flea spray I used a few days ago.  Hmm...don't worry, I don't have fleas...not since I sprayed, anyway...

    On a more positive note, I talked to my roommate for college today.  She must have more balls than I.  I had written her a letter, but I didn't really know what I would say to her on the phone, hence the lack of phoning.  She seems pretty awesome.  She's a math major, and she doesn't smoke, which rocks.  If you smoke, whatever.  I'm not saying it's wrong or whatever.  Whatever floats your boat.  I do know that I don't really like smelling like it, since I have no feelings of addiction to stimulate by being around cigarette smoke.

    Oddly enough, grotty is in FrontPage's thesaurus but not in its spellchecker.  Hmmmmmmm.  Curious does not begin to describe it.

    Oh, yeah, and it feels like I have a wisdom tooth coming in...too bad I already had mine taken out.  Ugh.

8/3/04: 10:31PM  no, I won't take your hand and marry the state -Against Me

    Umm...work and stupid ants.  That pretty much sums it up.  Oh, yeah.  I got scholarship from PHEAA, yesterday.  I was pumped, since I'm pretty poor.  I use the adjective "pretty" too often.

8/5/04: 9:32AM  and through her window shade, I watch her shadow move - The Smashing Pumpkins

    I just spent the better of fifteen minutes trying to fix a pen's center of gravity.  I got a fuzzy bird pen for a graduation present.  It has a foot-like stand into which one puts the bird pen when not in use.  However, the bird had too much weight to the front of its center of gravity due to its ungainly, large beak, which was the cause of many a topple for my poor bird pen.  Maybe he bends, I thought to myself.  Oh, no, my friend, he does not.  SNAP!!  Before I knew it, I had the shattered pieces of a bird pen in my hand.  Out came the duct tape, despite the fact that this bird pen has feathers, and everyone knows that duct tape + feathers = no good.  Oh well.  At least I can attempt to balance him out... Oh, no, he still falls if not taped to the desk.  Hahhaha.

8/6/04: 7:11AM  ...so that you can sleep fetus style -Björk

    Hmm...there's work to be done today, grocery-bagging work, that is.

1:25PM  You traded in your high school ring to get away from the pom pom boys and the jock strap girls. -Orgy

8/7/04: 7:06AM  you can't say no to hope, you can't say no to happiness -Björk

    I guess there was nothing in my head but a song at 1:25PM yesterday.  This is often the case w/ me.  I've often been aware of the fact that I am dancing to music that only I can hear, which contributes to the "Sherry is freakin' weird" opinion that many hold.  There's a quote like that, actually:

And those who were seen dancing were thought to be insane by those who could not hear the music.  ~Friedrich Wilhelm Nietzsche

    I don't know who he is, really, but I took the liberty of looking it up for anyone who cares to know...Friedrich Wilhelm Nietzsche was a philosopher...read some more about him here.  Be warned, there's really annoying music that will totally crush any musical groove you already had going on your computer (I speak from experience...).

    OFF THE WORK!!!!

1:10PM  i don't want to sit across the table from you wishing i could run -Cake

    That last line looks like a bad english translation in a video game, like "all your base are belong to us," or whatever it is.  I'm not dorky enough in that area to be sure of how it goes, but, believe me, I make up for it in other ways.  I think I meant to say, "OFF TO WORK!!" but I was in a huge hurry, as it was 7:20am or something by that time.

    All of my college bull that I had to work out is taken care of.  I even semi wanted to go to Freshman Orientation, but there was no way to get there.  I could have gone if my dad was going, but it really didn't make sense for him to go.  A) I'm paying for college.  Although he does care about my well-being and all, the weekend would benefit him very little.  B) He or I would have had to pay for him to go.  So, no.  When I called to make reservations at the Millersville Hotel, three weeks before Orientation, it was booked.  Granted, I had known when it was going to be for four months; however, I thought I would be able to stay somewhere else in Lancaster.  Oh, maybe that would have worked, except that Millersville's shuttle busses don't run in the summer.  Hmm, does that seem a little, oh I don't know, STUPID to anyone else?  I can not have been the only one whose parents weren't coming w/ them and was taking a bus to Millersville.

    In my defense, I did try to go to Orientation.  Maybe if Millersville had been more accommodating, things would have been a little easier for me.  To say that I'm not complaining would be a lie, but I'm not saying that I minded having to make phone calls and emailing MU.  My complaint is that even though I called the Orientation office and told an actual person at the Orientation office that I wasn't going, I still got mail that asked if I was attending MU in the fall.  Why would they think that? I thought to myself.  They went on to say that they were inquiring on the matter because I was not at Orientation to pick up my schedule.  Oh, I WONDER WHY NOT!!  Ugh.  Sorry.  It peeved me severely.  I mean, what was the point of calling and informing them of the fact that I would be absent from Orientation if they weren't going to take that fact into consideration when I didn't show up?

    As I mentioned in an earlier entry, an employee of MU chastised me for not attending their preparatory shindig.  Ugh.  Of course the $120 Orientation fee must be paid by all freshman, whether or not they choose to attend.  If I wasn't getting scholarships from MU, I would seriously consider transferring to another state school.  

    Here's another funny thing.  One can access their semester bill on the MU website. However, their bill does not include financial aid.  It made me laugh, because I imagined how pissed off customers at Weis' would be if I only told them their total w/out their club card savings.  They'd be like, "Fuck off.  I want to see a manager, little miss."

    Although I stressed about all of this undoubtedly more than was necessary, I am gleeful to be able to put it all behind me.

    Right now, I feel very much at peace w/ everything.  I was really down about not being able to drive, like so many of my peers, but there are perks to it.  I don't have car payments of any kind to make.  Today, my dad took me to the bank to deposit some money and then to the mall to get a candle for my smelly room.  I'm lucky to have a parent who will take me places when I need to go or even would like to go.

    Also, I'll be at Montage Mountain rocking out to Rush in less than six hours.  Pumped does not do the emotion justice.

    Also awesome is the pumpkin pie Yankee candle I got at Hallmark.  Mmmm...it makes me feel warm and happy inside.  In order to begin to understand the ecstasy I am feeling, one must know that I am intrigued by the way things smell.  Foods, beverages, plants, books, people, dirt, anything.  Even if I know it's going to smell really bad, even if gagging is a possibility, I won't hesitate to smell it.  One time my sister was dying her hair and I was preparing the components (the different liquids that are to be mixed together in a certain order).  I wonder which one of these is responsible for making hair dye smell so bad... I contemplated.  Lacking in common sense as I often do, I sniffed component B, the clear stuff.  Oh, yeah, it was definitely component B that was the ammonia-ish one.  It was the worst I've ever been hurt by a smell in...ever.  It felt like someone had shoved a letter opener up my nose.  Oww.  My sister got really pissed off and said some stuff about brain damage, but I was too busy w/ my scent-induced pain to pay attention to her.  I was only 16 at the time, though, so, now that I'm much older...18, I know enough to keep my nose out of those sorts of aromatic horrors.

    In conclusion, I like to sniff things and, for this reason, am very psyched about this new candle of mine.

8/8/04: 2:35PM  uninvited, we'll stay if we want, searching through your closet for your grandfather's gun -Cake

    Rush was so awesome.  Seriously.  I went w/ Shannon, Dad, my dad's friend Bill, and Bill's nephew Matt.  Before the show started, Shannon and I saw Mr. Criswell.  I was hoping to see Rich there, as rumor had it he was going, but I had no such luck.  Even though we had floor seats, Shannon and I went to the lawn towards the beginning of the show, for we are both short and could see very little of Geddy, Alex, and Neil.  From there, the view was much better.  We ran into out little brother, mother, and her boyfriend Dave during intermission.  It was weird seeing her after not seeing her for a month.  We had a nice chat and discovered that someone had vandalized the back of Shannon's coat w/ ketchup.  We had no idea that it had happened until Dave pointed it out.  What's puzzling is that there were squirt marks, which means someone had a ketchup bottle in his or her hand while committing the atrocity.  We're pretty sure it had to have happened when we were in the lawn seat section.  This begs the question, who packs a ketchup bottle while sitting in the lawn seats?  There was lots and lots of pot up there, but very little, if any ketchup to be seen.  Oh well.

    I think Shannon and I had a better time at the last concert because we were surrounded by people where our seats were.  It was like we had a self-contained groove unit.  We could groove, and very few people would care.  Shannon felt somewhat vulnerable grooving out in the open.  Very few people seemed to be feeling the groove where we were.  The lawn wasn't much better, but the majority of people up there were stoned/drunk/wasted/trashed, so we got to groove in the long run.  There was this middle aged guy who was so totally going to pass out any second.  We were kind of hoping we would be around to see it, but he managed to battle unconsciousness throughout the duration of our stay on the lawn.  His balance was so screwed up, that he had to lean back every time he clapped so that he wouldn't fall forward.  Hehehe.

    When we went two years ago, there was this huge black guy next to us, and he said to us, "Man, you musta popped out yo mama singin' Rush!"  Well, I have to go.  Rush is awesome.

    Work sucked a lot this morning, though, since I didn't get back until 1AM this morning.  I really am going now.  That bit about having to go in the last paragraph was a false alarm.  This time, though, I assure you I am not playing you.

8/11/04: 7:23AM  attack the day like birds of prey -Rush

    Umm...I overslept 45 minutes this morning, but, as you can see, it has not affected my insistence on wasting time.  I think that says a lot about my character, don't you?  What it says, I don't really know...maybe that I am determined to waste some amount of the day, no matter how small that block of time happens to be.  I could put that on a résumé.  

    This week has been full of helping Mrs. Morgan at band camp.  She's really awesome, and I wanted to give something back to thank her for her awesomeness...

1:43PM  i can see your disco, disco dick is sucking my heart out of my mind -Le Tigre

    I got my hair cut shorter so as to appear less bald.  Ugh.  This hair loss deal is rather frustrating.  Not that I'd take hair loss over a tumor any day,  but it still gets me down a bit.  It'd be one thing if I was a guy, so at least people would just be like, "Oh, male pattern baldness."  It's been falling out for about two years, and this winter I even went to the doctor about it.  He said that it could be stress...or it could be something else.  There's nothing I can do about it except undergo a really expensive operation in which I have hair follicles implanted into my scalp.  Yum.  I feel like crying when I talk about it sometimes, just because I've taken insane precautions to stop it from falling out (not dying my hair, shampooing/conditioning less, not blow drying it, not putting it up, not brushing it as much, getting it cut, blah, blah, blah) and they don't seem to help.  Meh.  I went ahead and dyed my hair a few weeks ago, since that didn't seem to curb the mass exodus of my hair.  And now the short, short hair.  Meh.  I don't mind the haircut; it's pretty cute.  I just wish I knew why this is happening.  

    In The Craft, the character who was played by the chick who played the blonde chick in Hey Dude (a really bad show about a dude ranch and its employees that used to be on Nickelodeon) was hexed and her hair fell out...but I don't think I've been hexed.  I wonder if that's one of those things you can actually know unless someone's like, "I'm gonna hex you..."  A more likely explanation is that it's partly genetic.  My dad started going bald before he was in high school, his mom went bald before she was 60, my mom used to loose lots of hair during stressful times...ugh.  The odds are against me...and my hair.  I guess I'll just have to marry someone with a whole lot of thick hair so as to put an end to this crappy hair loss gene I seem to possess.

8/12/04: 6:48PM  on candy-striped legs, the spiderman comes, softly through the shadow of the evening sun -The Cure

    I bet everyone who noticed this lyric were like, "Woah, I didn't know The Cure did a song about Spiderman!!!"  Actually, this song is about a boogieman type figure.  Perhaps the spiderman does resemble a spider.  Seriously, this (Lullaby) is my favorite song EVER.  At least, it has been for two years, and if you know me, then you know that two years is an insanely long time for me to prefer one song over the thousands that I know.  In summation, the spiderman in this song is by no means a superhero.

    That being said, I'm off.

8/13/04: 7:46PM  your tongue is twisted, your eyes are slit, you need a guardian -Weezer

    Today is Friday the 13th.  How horribly spooky is that??  Well, not really too spooky, as nothing the least bit spooky has happened to me today (knock on fake wooden computer desk).

    I don't really believe in the phrase "grown up", as one can never be as mature and wise as possible.  There are those who don't allow themselves to and become stagnant as a result, but this does not mean that they are finished growing.  If stagnancy is indicative of adulthood, then I want to be a child forever.

    I also went to Tina PK's for, not a sleepover, but a mathover.  A mathcapade, if you will.  It was much fun w/ the Wayne's World, Bloom Diner, bottled soda, and, who could possibly ever in a million years forget: CALCULUS!!!!  

    Alas, it is time for me to loaf.

8/14/04: 11:34PM  we should have each other for tea, we should have each other w/ cream -The Cure

Today's Word: Paraskavedekatriaphobia (Noun) 

Pronunciation: [p-rs-k-vey-d-k-tri--'fo-bi-y] 

Definition 1: The Fear of Friday the Thirteenth, a form of triskaidekaphobia, the fear of the number thirteen.

    I thought this was really cool, that there's an actual phobia of Friday the 13th.  I went to Denny's and did not consume any rancid condiments, so I guess I escaped the curse of the notoriously unlucky day.  Not to scoff, I mean, maybe it is really unlucky...

    At Denny's, my favorite Chad (that of the Renner) was cooking.  Rock on!  Katie and I enjoyed our food immensely.

    I'm trying on some Beatles for size.  I don't really know what that phrase "try this on for size" means, but I thought it'd be cool to use it.  Maybe I'm just not in the mood for their upbeat, poppy sound at the moment.  I do enjoy the following line, though: eight days a week is not enough to show I care.  Pretty clever, right?

    Maybe I'm just not in the mood for rambling, either.  Off I go.

10:12PM  vacant and free, yeah, that is me -The Cardigans

8/15/04: 2:27PM  go on and fool me -The Cardigans

    Yeah, I'm on a Cardigans kick, can you tell?

    I had work today, and it wasn't too shabby.  Later on tonight, I am to hang out w/ my beloved Eskimo Chi Chi.  Awesome times are ahead.

    Thus concludes my entry.

8/18/04: 8:11AM  oh, i believe in yesterday -The Beatles

    Free at last, free at last, thank God Almighty, free at last!  The chains have been broken, and I have been liberated.  After so long, things are so obvious.  I guess that's how it works, sometimes.  I didn't even know I was lost until I found myself.  Many events of the past seven months seem like a dream in which I played little active part.  Ahhh...confusion.  But no more.  I promise you, this is the end, and I will not fool myself again.

    Yesterday was Liz-and-Katie filled, like the most wonderful doughnut anyone could ask for.

    The day before was...one of revelation.  Vague has its place and time.  This time is now.  I might tell you what I'm talking about if you ask...or maybe I'll deter your curiosity by making up some story about chronic stomach ulcers.

    Oh, and I am to make JELLO with Tina PK!!  It is to be an awesome day.

11:08PM  yeah if i could change your mind, i'd really love to break your heart -Disturbed

    Woah, it's the opposite of the time I wrote earlier today.  8:11, 11:08...ooooo....

    Still feeling liberated, the finger was given aplenty at Denny's.  Ahhhh...

    I got my top braces off and made sweet JELLO with Tina...

    My brain is thinking in chunks, not connected thoughts, for reasons unworthy of mention.

8/19/04: 11:00AM  how can i believe when this cloud hangs over me? -Breaking Benjamin

8/21/04: 7:30PM  candy-coated unicorns are quite hard to find -Outkast

    Shannon and I took our mother out for her birthday.  She seemed to genuinely appreciate it, so that's pretty awesome.

    Last night Jess and Dana picked me up after work, and we had an awesome anime/girlie sleepover event.  I'm pumped to be going to college, but there are definitely people that I will miss.

    It appears that I am off for an evening of minimally safe food consumption with Katie.  Awesome.

8/28/04: 11:02PM  i'd like to be your hero; i am a mighty little man -Steve Burns

    Well, I'm at college now.  It's a lot less different than I thought it would be.  I expected my mind to be blown by the vast differences between living at home and at college, but, judging by the happenings of day 1 of my college experience, this is not the case.  I don't know.  Maybe it hasn't hit me that I won't be coming home anytime soon.  Man.  Oh well.  Nicolle, my roommate, is pretty awesome, so that's a plus.  I'm going to sleep now.  Because I'm sleepy...

8/29/04: 9:30AM  have a seat while i take to the sky -Tori Amos

    Ohmygosh, funniest coffee-can-opening related story ever:  So, of course I neglected to make note of the fact that my can of coffee must be opened by means other than that of a pull tab (aka CAN OPENER).  So...

9/1/04: 7:22PM  this time i'm gonna keep me all to myself -Björk

    Holy crap.  I've been so incredibly busy with this whole college ordeal.  I was thinking about all of the funny/interresting things that have happened since my arrival and decided to put them all on a different page, as opposed to putting them on this page and making it insanely longer.  Basically, college is diametrically different from high school.  Forget what I said on Sunday.  That was before I had had any classes.  As opposed to reading assignments being supplementary to teaching, as it was in high school, it almost seems that the lectures are supplementary to the reading.  It's not, "oh, I remember reading about that," anymore, but, "oh, I remember her lecturing about that."  I spent 4 hours doing homework, 3.5 hours of it comprised of just reading.  I guess it'd be different if I wasn't so easily distracted and if I had the ability to skim read.  Alas, I am easily distracted, and I cannot skim read.  Oh well.  I'm focused; I'll be fine.

    Going back to the way I'm so easily distracted- people are so astoundingly loud in my hall.  It's ridiculous.  Nicolle and I like to leave our door open so as to encourage air flow through our more-than-mildly hot room.  Not at the moment, though.  It's so crazy, because these really loud hallmates are all in one room, or at least the people they're talking to are in the same room w/ them, and, yet, they feel the need to yell about every single thing.  Seriously, I am three rooms away, over thirty feet away, and I can totally hear them WHILE listening to music on my headphones.  Granted, both my door and their doors are open in this case, but, still, holy fucking crap.  They seriously must be yelling.

    So, obviously, this yelling is not good for me when I'm studying, since even conversation of a normal volume distracts me.  I'm starting to love the idea of setting up camp in the library.

    There are awesome things about Millersville, though, like the math department.  The math building, Wickersham, is right next to the pond, and in this pond resides two lovely, white swans.  Furthermore, there are benches and even a gazebo by the pond, ideal for doing my Calculus right after class.  Oh yeah.  Check this out: www.coolmath.com .  

    I miss several people, my sister Shannon and my dad being the two people I miss the most.  I want to talk to my dad so that I can tell him about all of the awesome math I'm learning about/ will learn about in Calc 3.  I want to talk to Shannon so that I can tell her about how I went to the right class at the wrong time, my coffee incident, and how melody's mom got a mohawk.  

    Well, I'm off for now.  I kind of want to loaf, but more than that, I'd really like to sleep.

9/4/04: 3:09PM  i'd sell my soul, my self-esteem, a dollar at a time for one chance, one kiss, one taste of you, my Magdalena -A Perfect Circle

    Hmm...I should be reading, as I have not one, not two, but THREE days off due to Labor day.  I would really like to have one full day of loafing; it would be super awesome to make that day Monday, so as to not worry about all of the reading I have not yet done.

    I just thought you'd delight in knowing I'm not dead, yet.

9/20/04: 10:59PM  with my mouth to the mic and my hand on my cock -Outkast

    Hmm.  Yes.  It has been too long.  My little Chunkling's growing up so fast.

    I've made some awesome friends here, my two awesomest are Jill and Nicolle.  Jill lives across the hall and is OCD about not getting raped/abducted/mugged.  It's awesome.  Nicolle is my roommate.  She taped an "N" to the ceiling w/ duct tape over her bed.  It's hotttttt...t.

    I saw Napoleon Dynamite this weekend.  Ohmygosh, that's a sweet movie.  Hahaha.  I can't get over it.  It's so funny.

    I've been keeping dangerously busy.  There's lots and lots of reading, as I think I've already mentioned.  I love Calc intensely, but what else is new.  It's my favorite class.  I love quadrics.  They're crazy to draw, but I figured it out.  Other classes are ok.  They aren't gross or anything, but unlike Calc, they're not math.

    I'm going home for this weekend.  I'm so excited to see Shannon and Dad, again.  I miss them immensely.

    My hometown of Bloomsburg was flooded by Hurricaine...Melvin...Mervin...Ivan...?  I don't know.  Obviously, I am not aware of my surroundings.  I seriously get annoyed.  I mean, I really am too busy learning to read the newspaper everyday.  I'll admit that I'm ignorant and really should know what's going on around me, but I simply don't have the time.

    I discovered the library yesterday...well, I didn't "discover" it; it's been there since I've been going here.  It's really awesome.  I do enjoy the stifling silence.  Today was different, though, for there were four loud, decapitation-worthy students polluting the serenity with their dirty voices.  Dirty.

    I'm gonna go before I start calling other things dirty that really aren't or can't be...like shock waves...

9/28/04: 1:17PM  when you are away, my heart comes undone, slowly unravels, in a ball of yarn -Björk

    It's really cloudy and murky outside.  This kind of weather makes me sleepy and reminds me of a video I saw on Antarctica.  It was talking about the British expedition whose members endeavored to reach the South Pole before anyone else.  It was kind of sad because it turns out Norway got there way before they did, leaving a mocking flag behind as mocking evidence of the fact.  The Brittish trudged away from the spot in shame, only to die of hypothermia.  Ok, there really is a point, and it is that I'm reminded of the video's description of death by hypothermia.  Purportedly, one gets so numb he doesn't feel anything at all and is coaxed to the sea of the dead by a lulling lethargy.  I don't have hypothermia, though.

    I'm almost positive I smell funny.  Probably approaching bad, really.  Well, I just Febreezed myself, so maybe I won't smell bad for work and in turn won't offend smoothie-seeking customers.

    There's a ridiculous amount of work to be done on my behalf, so I'll leave you with my desire that you have a wonderful, energized day.  I will surely pass out after work.

10/15/04: 3:14PM  PIE O'CLOCK!!...or so it was when I had originally intended to ramble.  Alas, it is much, much later than that...

10/17/04: 9:31PM  i'd tell you why, but i don't know.  it's simple and so complicated. -Mirah

    Well, lots has happened and yet nothing has happened at all.  Sigh.  I have no idea.  I feel like one of the many squirrels on campus could trot up to me and gnaw off my arm w/ little reaction on my part.  It's hard to explain.  I, probably like everyone else, go through periods of apathy.  I can't really tell when I'm out of them until I'm back in another.  It's the whole not knowing what you have until it's gone thing...pave paradise, put up a parking lot?

    Lots has happened, so I guess I'll fill you in, whoever you are.  I have visited Bloomsburg 2x since I left for MU in August.  The first time was the last weekend in September.  I got to go to the fabulous Bloomsburg Fair with Jess, Jon, Jesse, Dana, the Purosky sisters, and Alex.  It was a good time.  I also got to see my beloved sister Shannon.  Furthermore, I got to hang out with my favorite Trekkie Rich.  I saw Sarah, too, which rocked.

    The next visit was last weekend, fall break.  Shannon picked me up, but she got lost, so she was a tad late, which really didn't bother me.  I was just relieved to see that she hadn't been high jacked by a vicious pack of Marauders.  I'm always overjoyed to see Shannon.  She's my best friend.  I also got to see Tinaw (yes!!).  We made sweet calculus in the Bloom Diner.  Mmmm...I saw Sarap and Corey for yet another Saved by the Bell shindig.  The lovely Laura McCourt was also one of the many delights of my homecoming.  We watched Kill Bill Vol. 1, which I had never seen until that night.  Now I know what all the hype is about.  Seriously, an awesome movie.  I am eager to see the sequel.  On top of that, Laurak, Jon, Brittany, Sarap, Tinaw, and I enjoyed an awesome evening of baked and boiled goodness.  

    Also awesome was watching the 2nd presidential debate with my father.  I wish I could vote for someone besides Kerry or Bush and not be in essence reducing the number of votes Kerry gets as compared to Bush.  Oh well.  The lesser of two evils, as many others have dubbed Kerry.  Oh well...again.

    One of the best things about my most recent trip home was going to Monday night classes at the Dojo.  I missed (and miss it) so much.  I try to stay in shape by running, working out, taking cardio kickboxing classes offered at MU, but it's not the same.  I actually only went to one such class.  This will sound insanely dorky, but I was mildly annoyed at everyone's form.  I am aware that they don't know any better and that form has to be taught, but I just wanted to scream, "For the love of all that is good, TUCK YOUR THUMBS!!" but I didn't.  So, yeah, I went to Monday night classes.  We worked on a specific form and then sparred for the remainder of class.  I even missed sparring (so weird)!  Everyone was excited to see me and hugging and such.  It was bittersweet, as I was happy to see everyone but saddened by the thought that I had to go back to MU.

    Don't get me wrong, I don't dislike it  here.  I'm very pumped about the math department and all of the mathiness in which I can immerse myself; however, there is this other feeling I have.  Like it doesn't matter, and I have no clue why I'm here.  No, I know I am here to get a Bachelor of Science in Education.  I am as certain as ever that I want to teach math.  It's just that for some reason I feel like I'm hovering, not moving ahead or falling behind.  Stagnancy, again.  Damn.  I really hate this.  It was so easy in high school to keep focused.  "I need good grades to get scholarships so that I can go to college so that I can get a degree so that I can teach.  In a flow chart, this last part would be the ultimate goal.  I want to teach.  Something has changed, but I can't quite say what.

    Oh yeah, I had lunch with my mother.  It was good to see her (yes, I did miss her), but I was glad that we didn't still have to put up with each other.  I guess we were never meant to be.

    I'm going to go.  

10/27/04: 10:22AM  and all i ever learned from love was how to shoot at someone who outdrew you -Rufus Wainwright

    Less "mopey mopey," still slightly "meh."  That's how it's going, if I had to give an answer on the spot.  Upon further thought, though, I would have to say that things are going well and that I'm having an OK time.

    I visited Bloomsburg last weekend.  I got to see Kelsey doing her flag thang.  I miss her and my little brother a lot.  A bunch of us hung out at Town Perk after halftime of the Homecoming game, which was a good time.  It's was so weird/comforting to come across the same emotions of apathy and aggravation in someone else.  I mean, it's a crappy feeling to have, but then to know that I'm not alone in it gives me a vague hope.  Or maybe it's the whole "misery loves company" deal.  

    There was also Ren and Stimpy, gabbing w/ my anime dorks Jessibuns and Danus, Rohrbucks...bocks...box of sox...I don't really know how that place is spelled.  Dr. Shamokin knows, for she knows more about Bloomsburg than I do.  There was a corn maze/apple cider-selling/gift shop thing there, and it was pretty sweet.  I got a little pumpkin.  His name is Herbert and still has no face.

    FUNNIEST VOICE MAIL MESSAGE EVERRRR:

"Sherry Linn?  Do you have any idea who I am?  I'm coming for your soul!"  end message.  That was the whole thing, spoken w/ great conviction in a creepy fake man voice.  Hahaha.  It took me forever to figure it out, then I was like, "Oh, duh, Liz."  Hahaha.  I love her so much.  *My kindred tapeworm*  Hahaha.  If I put some more *'s and maybe a few ~'s, it'd add lots of femininity to my AIM info.  However, I often feel more like a perverted, old man than a teenage girl, so I guess I'll refrain from the addition to my info.  I've listened to that message 8 or more times since she left it last night.  I wish I had her phone number, though.

    This pile of homework won't do itself.  Maybe it should.

10/28/04: 8:10PM

    I think I know what's missing, in my life, I mean.  It's something I don't really want to go into until I'm certain of it.  I am certain, but I still can't voice it all, yet.

10/31/04: 10:43PM  Happy Halloween!!

My life is rated R.
What is your life rated?

    Is there something wrong w/ this?  Maybe you should take the quiz and then get back to me on that.  I don't know.  People keep telling me I'm a good person, but when it comes down to it, am I?  This is so crazy.  I've been doing so much thinking about moral integrity and my thoughts on right and wrong.  I don't know, I don't know.  I know I am Christian, but there are so many questions I have about it, and nobody seems to be able to come to agreement on what I have questions about.  I know I've sinned.  I've gotten high, I've gotten drunk, but I don't think that these things make me a bad person.  Like I've already said, I just don't know.  I guess that the reason I tip-toe around this issue is that I don't want to be imposing w/ my beliefs, as I know and respect that these are not the beliefs of others.  When I was younger, and I'd go to the church of a friend, all the kids in Sunday school would treat me disdainfully because I didn't go to church myself.  It wasn't my fault; my family didn't go so I didn't go.  It's a horrible feeling to be discriminated against, and I would never inflict that feeling upon another person.  I like that in America, we are entitled the right to believe what we do.  Notice I did not say "want to believe" because I don't think beliefs are things you can choose if you truly believe them.  Followers of a religion can choose to follow that religion based on beliefs they already hold but cannot choose what is in their hearts.  Gut feelings cannot be picked out like an outfit from a closet.  A lot of people claim to believe something when they actually do not, giving other true believers a bad name.  Likewise, what is in your heart cannot be changed by someone else.  The change must come from w/in.

    I must be getting some sleep.

    I miss Richard.

11/1/04: 10:30PM  it won't due to dream of caramel, to think of cinnamon, and long for you -Suzanne Vega

    Sorry about that last night.  I can't wait to vote tomorrow.  Yes.  I decided that I am going to vote for Kerry.  Although he gives me semi-bad vibes, I just cannot vote for Bush.  It's not because of his public speaking skills or that I think he's an idiot or anything like that.  I simply don't agree with some of his views.  I cannot stand how disrespectful people are toward him.  He's the president, and he's doing what he can.  It just makes me want to yell, "What?  You think you could do better?  You think you know anything about what must be done in order to run a country?  Well, you don't, so stop being so petty about everything!  Leave it to Americans to take for granted what they have and focus on the petty and inconsequential.  Be glad that you can vote.  Vote against Bush, vote him out of office if he bothers you so much, but be bothered for substantial reasons, at least.  Yeah, so Kerry is a good public speaker.  Most lawyers are.  Have real reasons for disliking the president of the wonderful country in which you live.  Oh, what's that, you don't have good reasons?  Then get some.  Get involved.  Watch the debates.  Ask around.  This is the country in which you live, and you do have a say, so be informed and make educated choices based on the knowledge you acquire.  Take advantage of what so many are not fortunate enough to have.

    Woah, sorry, but that's been on my mind a lot, too.  It just bothers me how people don't even bother to find out what's going on and then throw around their opinions w/ little to no basis for them, aside from what they've picked up from their parents or whomever else.  

    Also, last night, I don't take back anything I said.  I just want to go to Church.  I feel so hypocritical saying I'm Christian but knowing relatively little about Christianity.  I miss Shiloh, where I used to go before my life got ultra stupid, and I had to move in w/ my dad.  I love living w/ him for the most part, but Shiloh was the only church I'd ever been to into which I walked and knew from that very first time that it was not a mistake.  The people there are so welcoming, and the feeling there was so perfect for me.  It felt right.  Meh.  I wish I could just take a class or something, but religion's not that simple.  I know, I know.  I wish I could really talk to someone about all of this who could help me out  :(  <-- frownie face, not a weird typo...    

     I need to get my sleep on...and my global environment read.

    Good night!

11/2/04: 10:31PM  i'm the firestarter, twisted firestarter -Prodigy

    I voted for the first time ever in a presidential election.  It was so awesome.  I was too excited.  I was all bouncy and saying, "I'm so excited.  This is my first time.  I can't wait."  Hahaha.  It was awesome.  Democrat, yes, I am.  Whoop whoop.  I don't have anything against republicans or anything, I just happen to not be one.

    I'm really, severely tired.  Off to bed I shall go.

11/4/04: 4:07PM  it's something that is automatic, it's waxecstatic -Sponge

    Currently, I am partaking in Beck.  The mood I'm in yields to head twisting, and I really don't know why.  Just messing w/ me, I guess.  No work has been done aside from spring semester schedule finalizing.  I really should get something done.  What would get me working is a nice workout, but, NOOOO, stupid rain makes me unwilling to go outside.  I'd much rather lie on the ground and stare up at the ceiling for hours upon hours, my favorite activity while in a mood as shifty as this one.  Hahaha.  I feel like I should be shaking...internal shake, maybe.  I think I'll stick to the notebook I have so lovingly been placing my fragmented mind into.  It's much better for me and those around me.  I feel that if anyone who really didn't know me read the notebook, uncertainty might arise.  "Sherry, what a fucked up mind you have!"

    "Why, the better w/ which to entertain myself, my dear."  Certainly.  The mundane puts me in hysterics.  If you viewed things through my eyes, I'm sure you would experience the same feelings of levity upon listening to the disgruntled rumble-song of the smoothie blender.  Grrrggg rrrrggg rrrrgggg grrrrrrrrrrrrrrggggggggggg.  It performs a delightful song for me to internally groove to while the customer only hears clamor.

    Hahahha!  So hard for me to type.  I felt this coming on this morning, while putting some finishing touches on my Calc homework.  I got three problems in a row wrong.  It turned out to be arithmetic errors, which makes sense, as I must concentrate excruciatingly while computing sums and products.  My hand just shook violently.  Not my growing hand (Darius bobs merrily in a water-filled styrofoam container), my actual right hand.  H m m m...I really need to workout.  This excess energy is clattering about w/in my wee vessel. 

    Woahoho!!  I had my headphones off, into which Tori Amos was singing "A Sorta Fairytale," and when I put them back on, she was singing in a different key!!!!! Hahahahh!  Today, also, I learned that outie belly buttons are unintentional, errors in cutting on the doctor's behalf.  Shame, shame.  I may have been a mistake in the womb, but my bellybutton was crafted w/ the intention to turn out as it did.  

11/7/04 8:48PM  i had an out-of-body experience the other day.  her name was Jesus -System of a Down

    Soooo.  Yes.  I'm feeling way less insane, but way more headachy.  I've never had a headache before, just eyeballaches, so I don't really know if this is a bad headache or what.  I'm not crying or anything, so it's not that painful, but, still.  I don't really like it.  I was talking to Nicolle and Jill about it, and then I suddenly had in my head the following analogy:

headachey feeling in my head : pain in head : : taste of copper : taste in mouth

I'm sleepin eepin...good night.

11/10/04: 10:28PM  i'm worse at what i do best, and for this gift i feel blessed -Nirvana

I put the top picture on my computer as my wallpaper, and many people in my hall expressed a dislike for it, to say the least.  Björk still remains on my computer screen, but to the dislike of my roommate.  She insists that if I am to leave the computer screen on in my absence that I cover her face up w/ some windows or something.  If only she could see the entire video from which this picture was taken.  It's the video for her song Cocoon, in case you were wondering.  Seriously, go download the video.  It's insane.     So maybe the top picture is a bit odd, but then they said that the bottom one was still "a little creepy."  Ugh.  She's wearing an adorable fuzzy sweater as opposed to nothing at all, so I don't know what their problem is.  Björk is so wonderfully beautiful and seriously one of my favorite music artists.  I just stumbled upon I Have Seen It All, a song featuring Thom Yorke.  Sooooo gooooood.

11/12/04: 1:39AM  i'll bask in your forever, you just waste my time -Jack off Jill

    I love Jack off Jill.  Laura showed me the light.  I've been pretty busy, as always.  Nothing really happened.  I talked to my awesome Sarap (AKA "your shadow friend", according to Kyle).  

    This morning kind of sucked.  I had to get up mega early (5:30AM) to put some final touches on my speech.  Then I had work at 7AM.  Because of my AP credits/ transfer credits, I had just enough credits to put me at the bottom of the list for registering for classes.  Today was the first day I could do so, and so I tried, but I could only get into two of the classes I wanted, none of those being the math class I need.  That all made me sad/stressed, but I had to go give a speech (demonstrate how to make a cootie catcher- hahaha).  I was way more nervous than necessary, since I was already spazzing out about classes.  It think it went ok, anyway, which is good.

    I'm not complaining; I am fully aware that my life is as stressful as I make it.  If I didn't care about things or worry so much about things falling into place when they need to as far as school is concerned, I wouldn't be so high-strung.  The main stressors in my life branch from the category of "college."  I know I don't have to be attending college.  I could just work at Weis my entire life.  Of course, I also know that I would not be happy doing that, especially w/ so little math involved.  I used to get worked up over bigger, more important things, such as my mom, mainly.  Now it's just my dad at home.  He's way less stressing.  Also, I have a lot more confidence that what was meant to happen will happen and that there's a place for us all.  I used to be a Scully (skeptic, for non-X-Files fans) on the subject, thinking that there is no way unseen forces are responsible for the events of my life all for the sake of yielding an end result that is "what is meant to be."  However, now I believe that there is a greater purpose behind all single happenings or series of events that I am too human/inferior to grasp.

    Sometimes, so that I don't lose touch w/ this knowledge (that there is always a bigger picture and focusing on one detail causes all else to blur), I'll try to take in everything w/in my range of vision.  Not as single objects or people, but as one large picture.  It's pretty awesome, since MU does have a beautiful.  I never noticed that I'd only noticed landscapes in actual photographs until I started doing this a few years ago.  I do it a lot more, since there are lots of trees and hills and pretty fall colors right now.  I have to be careful, though, as sometimes I forget to look both ways before crossing the street.  Hahaha.

    I'm going to go sleep, maggots.  Good night!

11/13/04: 11:51PM  i got 99 problems, but a bitch ain't one -Jay Z

    Today was chalk-full of loafing.  I guess that means I'll be working all day tomorrow.  I don't mind or anything, but I wish I could be less deadline driven.  Tomorrow, I'll be like, "Oh, crap, that stuff's due tomorrow.  I should do it."

11/14/04: 10:37PM  i was wired to a clock, 'a tickled by the minute hand, tick tock tick tick tock -Portishead

    So...ugh.  This is so ridiculous, and you can call me childish for being annoyed about this, but I am.  Last night my roommate and a bunch of her friends from down the hall got drunk in the room diagonal from ours.  I mean, whatever they want to do is fine.  It's just that they were so loud and obvious about it.  The hallway reeked of liquor, and they were so incredibly loud.  Ugh.  After it had died down for the night, my roommate came back and put the liquor in her closet.  So stupid.  I wasn't really annoyed by it last night until I actually thought about it.  Most of them are math ed majors, and as w/ all education majors, it's often difficult to get highered after an underage drinking offense on one's record.  Maybe a school in the inner city will higher that person, but not anyplace that pays a lot.  It just bothers me how little they seem to care about that.  My roommate's not an ed major, so I guess it's not so much of a deal that she was involved in all of this.  However, the others are.  Maybe what bothers me so much is not that they don't care, but that maybe I care too much.  I don't know.  I just can't see how the risks could be worth it.  If I were to get caught drinking underage, I'd lose a lot more, as I've probably already mentioned.  I've worked too hard just to ruin things for the sake of fitting in, dumbing myself down, etc.  Ehhhh.

11/15/04: 2:22PM  i just can't get rid of you like you got rid of me -Ben Folds Five

    Ugh.  Yet again, it seems.  This time my frustrations are at things I can't really directly mention on this poorly-secured journalish thing.  I feel horrible and yet I know it's not my fault.  The feelings of my friends do mean a lot to me, but I would never lie to any of them about something so massive, for they would be crushed if they found out I had lied.  Most lies come out in the end, so it's not a good idea to lie in the first place.  Furthermore, lying degrades the trust between two people.  Greater still is the reason that lying shows a lack of respect for that person, if not for anything other than their intelligence.  People don't usually lie unless they think the person they're lying to won't catch on.  Finally, lying is immoral.  It's wrong.  Plain and simple.

    Obviously, one could counter w/ the trite argument that "little, white lies" are acceptable.  No, not really.  Besides, I am not talking about a lie concerning my taste in someone else's clothing or hair or whatever.  This lie would be large and great harm would come from it's discovery.  I will not lie.

    In addition, it is unfair to paint the picture of this situation that I am in so black and white.  There are many factors contributing to why I must choose one action over another.  One of the biggest is that I simply cannot force myself to feel something that is not there.  Quite frankly, I think that you are being childish and being a poor friend by pushing this on me so forcefully.  I'd be embarrassed to be represented in such a manner, let alone by someone I considered to be my friend.

    That all being said, I'll get some work done.

11/23/04: 7:34AM  you'll never see me fall from grace -Korn

    I'm slightly sick, so I'm ultra glad to coming home for five days.  I'm not too sick to hang out w/ people and all of that; I just have a cold.  Oh, but my monthly visitor was extra assertive in her arrival this morning.  Awesome, right?  I mean, that's one less hole in my body that's not oozing fluid.  Score.

    I'll be making slight improvements to my website, so be weary.  I put in a guestbook so that you can sign it and make my week.

    Happy Thanksgiving, everyone!

11/29/04: 3:54PM  and i bet i could carry you across state lines. -Mirah Over break, I ate a little too much, as many do.  I wish Thanksgiving was more than eating things.  I know it's about being grateful for what one has, but rarely do people outside of elementary school think about it enough.  I'm thankful for everything I have.  Everything.  My friends, family, brains, excess of boobs and lack of ass.  I am thankful for it all.   I was talking to Quinn over break and remembered that when I was little and teachers made us trace our hands to make turkeys, I used to draw the face like this, not knowing that the beak was actually the mouth or that it was supposed to be a profile of the turkey.  I just put the beak on because one time my teacher said to me, "Oh, very good, Sherry, but it needs to have a beak," so I just stuck it on the side where everyone else had put theirs. Anyway, I hope everyone's break was as awesome as mine was.  I must work my life away.

11:24PM

12/6/04: 6:19PM  hide the telephone in case you realize that sometimes you're just not okay -Our Lady Peace

12/10/04: 9:22PM  open up your skull; i'll be there -Radiohead

    I think I'll be able to survive next week (finals week) if I am able to continue listening to nothing but Radiohead and Björk.  There's a song that Björk and Thom Yorke sing together.  It's called "I Have Seen it All."  I might have already mentioned it, but who cares.  It's such an awesome song.  Umm...I hate life?  No.  That's not really it at all.  I am kind of just putzing along, though.  I'm maintaining my GPA and all that, but it seems kind of pointless sometimes.  I know it's not really pointless- the point is to get a degree so that I can teach high school math and maybe later college math.  Soooo...why do I feel this way?  Sometimes I feel like I can't really talk to anyone about it without seeming to be dumping on them.  I don't want to dump, no, not at all.  I try to tell my sister about things in my life, but she seems involved w/ her own stuff (which is fine, but saddening for me, as she knows me very well and could probably help me the most).  Ehhh.  My friends are really helpful, though.  I'll give them some credit.  I'd totally be kicking my skull in if it were not for them.  Yay for intact brain armor.

    I'd like to crash.  Off with his head, man, off with his head.

12/14/04: 8:43PM  it won't do to stir a deep desire, to fan a hidden fire that will never burn true -Suzanne Vega

    I hate it when the cursor turns into a little hourglass for no reason.  "Oh, wait, you'll like this...well, I'm done being an hourglass now..."  I mean, if it's going to mess up my webpage-editing grove, it should have something to show for it after it's all done...messing up my webpage-making groove.

    Well, not much is happening...I had two finals today: Calc and the Global Environment.  Calc took way longer than the other, but it was way more enjoyable.  It was so funny.  My Calc professor, Dr. Catepillán, allowed us to sign up for times when she was giving other finals because ours was to be this Saturday morning (eww).  So I signed up for today's time slot, and came to the designated room.  She was giving her college algebra class' final at the time I'd signed up for.  I took a seat, and some girl from the algebra class asks if I'm lost.

    It was so ridiculous.  I decided not to tell them that I was a math major because I wanted to keep taking math or that I dream about math or that Calc 3 has been my favorite math class to date...yes, I opted to keep all of that to myself.  My roommate and I were discussing that.  How math is probably the most hated subject and that most people cannot believe that anyone would want to intentionally confront math, let alone deal with it for a living.  Not only do they express disbelief that anyone would want to go into a math-related career, but they feel the need to tell you extensively how much they dislike math.  As if what they like or dislike has anything to do with what your future career will be.  "Oh, you hated math?  It's a good thing I talked to you before I chose my major..."  Seriously.  Nobody says to an aspiring botanist, "EWW, I HATE PLANTS!"  Hahaha.  At least when people ask Nicolle what she wants to be, most people don't act repulsed immediately, as a lot of people don't know what being an actuary entails.  I, however, am immediately accosted with faces of horror, for most know that a math teacher teaches math.

    I kind of can't wait for the Christmas season to end.  I think it's because my 50-year-old bosses insist upon playing Christmas music all the time.  There's no escape.  I often imagine myself in a montage in a Christmas comedy movie.  I am the quirky dishwasher at a small, yet quaint sandwich store who has the mind-numbing task of closing for the day.  In this montage, I spill gross smoothie water on myself, rub the counter furiously so as to remove a particularly stubborn spot, and randomly look exhausted.  All of this is accompanied by relentlessly cheerful Christmas music.  I usually sing Björk songs to drown out the yuletide glee.

    Oh, blast, I must get some work done and study for more finals.

12/22/04: 3:13PM  put up, put out, or stay at home -Jimmy Eat World

    Finally, Winter Break is here.  I have been keeping busy with work and hanging out with various companions of mine.  I got to see Tinaw and Sarap and many others on Saturday.

12/24/04: 5:14PM  you know the stuff is poison, but you've got to have the taste -Aerosmith

    Christmas Eve is already here and almost gone.  It's somewhat depressing to think that yet another year has passed.  I do have something to show for it and all, but sometimes it seems like my accomplishments are all based on something that isn't really important to me.  I know I keep bringing this up, that although putting the majority of my time and energy into academic achievement may seem a waste of time, the need for this achievement is clear to me.  I really want to teach math, and this the way to go about getting a secure position in the field.  Sometimes I hate the system that I am so dependant upon.  I'd love to live in a rickety shack in the woods and bask in the glory that is nature.  It's too bad that I have a low tolerance for poison ivy and that no man is an island.  I do believe that although some people do live their lives in total isolation from people, society, and government, this would not be the life for me.  I admit to needing that element of interaction with my fellow man.  I don't ever want to lose touch with those around me.

    I have been enjoying my break, as it is lacking in the academic component (even though I did visit my old high school to observe some of my old teachers).  This excursion was not necessarily for school, although I will be required to observe various teachers for so many hours.  I wanted to make note of different styles of teaching and how each executed lesson plans.  It probably sounds really lame to most people, but I'm no stranger to lame.  I just want to be as prepared as possible and do the best I can.

    As those who are well-acquainted with me know, I hate being unprepared.  I despise not knowing what to do in any situation.  It probably has something to do with having to be chiefly responsible for my affairs since I was 13.  Although it was good preparation for now when I am completely responsible for my finances and all, it causes me to try to control things that are simply out of my control.  I find myself wound so tight before I know it.  I just need to breathe, and I've been working on that, taking deep breaths and telling myself that there are things in my life that I cannot organize, plan for, take care of.  I look forward to when I am mature enough to be able to put it in God's hands.  Let the chips fall where they may.  Sometimes, though, it's just so hard.

    I don't want to leave this entry on a down note, as Christmas is less than a day away.  Yay for Jesus. 

12/27/04: 12:42PM  come out of the garden, baby.  you're catching death in the fog. -Beck

    I have been thoroughly enjoying my time away from Millersville.  That's not to say that I don't miss the awesomest of awesome Jill, but I am having a wonderful time working 5-hour shifts, loafing at home, loafing with friends.  In fact, I am off to loaf Saved by the Bell style (Shannon got me seasons 1 and 2 on DVD!!).

12/29/04: 1:37AM  i shall enter fingers of smooth mastery -Björk

    Tonight contained roughly two truckloads of fun (that's a lot of fun, by the way).  I hung out with the especially wonderful gals Chrissy and Karrie.  We played the Pride and Prejudice board game!!!!  It was a lot of fun, even though I lost.  Then we went to Arbys, where I saw my dear Karate buddy Corey.  We traversed back to Chrissy's house for some awesome girl talk and cinnamon consumption...well, it was just me who consumed cinnamon...here's what happened.  Chrissy randomly blurted out, "My friend, well, he's not really my friend, but, anyway, he says that it's impossible to eat a teaspoon of cinnamon and that it just coats your throat and..."  She didn't get any further, because I emphatically demanded (as if there is any other way to demand) that I should try swallowing a teaspoon of cinnamon.  Positioned by the sink, so as not to spit out anything onto the floor, I put the cinnamon in my mouth...and threw up in her sink.  Hahahah.  It was so much fun.  Well, yeah, it was uncomfortable- coughing and hacking and vomiting and all- but I enjoyed myself nonetheless.  It took five minutes of purging in Chrissy's kitchen to clear my throat so as to be able to talk again.  Unfortunately, I felt like vomiting some more, so I proceeded to the bathroom to purge myself of the tempestuous cinnamon-stomach acid reaction occurring in my belly.  It was lots and lots of fun, honestly.  We ended the evening with The Princess Diaries 2.  Horray for Disney.

12/30/04: 9:20AM  Today is my birthday, and I get one every year, and some day I do believe that I'll be buried six feet underground. -No Doubt 

This totally rocked my day!  Thanks, Jesse!

Auto response from balekalion (9:20:04 AM): romping my way, 
                                                                    to Wilkes Barre, PA.
                                                                    and all I have to say,
                                                                     is happy brithday,
                                                                            Sherr-ay.

I must get ready to get my state ID at the DMV.  Although cool, my passport is tired of being used in order to get into rated-R movies and to buy rated-R movies and spray paint.  Hahahaha.  "Look, I've been to Germany, Walmart, and the Cinema Center," I remark as I show off my passport to my friends. 

7:39PM  I'm just having thoughts of Marianne, quickest girl in the frying pan. -Tori Amos

    I'm waiting for my sister to whisk me off to her apartment for some more birthday fun.  I feel like I'll be somewhat of a drag, as I am feeling a bit under the weather.  Should "under the weather" be hyphenated?  Oh well.  My head feels really stuffy and my throat is soar- the typical cold.  I took some cough syrup, but that didn't seem to help, even though it claimed to have a decongesting ingredient.  Bah.  Sie lugt.  Umm...I'm going to sign off for now and start getting ready.

12/31/04: 4:40PM  circles and circles- got to stop spinning -Tori Amos

    I wish I didn't crush so hard.  It's so ridiculous.  Sometimes (like now, slightly) I feel like I'm not right for anyone.  I'm too many extremes to possibly fit someone else's companionship needs.  I'd peel off my skin if it didn't cling so obstinately to my body and if it wasn't essential to my survival.  My precious barrier, I'd never really leave you.  That would simply be too cruel.  Whenever I take a violent liking to someone, in retrospect it seems that he was completely wrong for me.  

Day 2: 1/2/05: 11:29AM  she looks a little bit different now, maybe a little bit soft around the eyes -Jimmy Eat World

    I'll begin by expanding upon my last entry.  I was pretty upset about the whole "nobody will ever like me" bull that seems to be floating about in my mind lately, but it comes and goes.  Now, for example, I'm not so mopey about it.  I decided to stop looking for that someone and have faith that it will all fit together like the pieces of a puzzle.  Do I know that I'll end up getting married and having children?  No, not really.  If it is meant to be, it will happen.  It's this faith problem I seem to be having.  It shows up in several aspects of my life.  I am determined to leave things beyond my control in the hands of the more capable (God).

    It was odd how I was comforted after feeling so down about the whole thing.  I was looking at Mark K's info and followed a link.  Where did it lead?  To the straightedge website!  Reading it made me think a lot.  Why am I drawn to guys who use drugs so liberally?  Why do I excuse it in them when I won't stand for it in others?  If anything, I should be more controlling with respect to my actions and no one else's.  Who am I to say what is right for everyone else?  I do know what is best for me.  This is the second day of a new year in which I will show resolve and will no longer cave to whatever forces oppose my views.  I am taking a definite stance, this time for real.  It is my goal to be able to say that I am straightedge.  It's time for me to start showing my mind and body the respect they deserve.

    This is completely unrelated, but I thought it was kind of spooky/funny.  I put my name into the porn star name generator and it came up w/ the one below.  For those who don't know, I am "busty," so I found it a little eerie.

Day 3: 1/3/04: i sensed my loss before i even learned to speak -The Smashing Pumpkins

    I don't know if this is normal, but the skin on the heels of my feet is really thick and has lots of tiny cracks in it.  It reminds me of an African desert...the kind with tiny cracks in it.  I'd like to think I make sense, but I'm sure I don't.  On the other hand, it's kind of like having lots of personal jokes with myself.  When people pretend they understand me and don't really, it's like the third party acting like he or she understands a joke between two others.  Ahh.

    I started sewing today.  I really missed it.  I think my sister has my sewing machine, though...alas.  I happened across this site ( www.toothpastefordinner.com ) in Mark K's info.  It's really awesome.  I don't know why, but I read people's info/away messages religiously.  Even people whom I haven't seen in forever, I look at their AIM junk, too.  Stumbling upon all of these cool things in his info makes me kind of regret not getting to know him better when I saw him everyday in high school.

    I just remembered how Shannon used to make fun of that song "Cumbersome" by Seven Mary Three.  It made me laugh, but I really like that song now that I'm not 8 years old.

    I need to stop pulling out my eyebrows/eyelashes.

Day 5: 1/5/05: 10:43PM  the best thing you have had has gone away -Radiohead

    Woah.  I had a really good time tonight; I wish we could hang out again before I'm shipped back to school ( T - 4 days).

    I got some Burt's Bees Beeswax Lip Balm last night.  It is seriously the best lip balm I've ever used.  It makes my lips feel cool and moisturized.  I do not regret the purchase at all.

    It snowed today, and now it is sleeting.  What does this mean for Sherry's 7-12 morning shift at Weis Market's?  One can only guess.  It probably means my dad will get really anxious about having to drive my vehicle/license-lacking butt to work, and I'll end up being like, "It's cool, it's cool- Sherry does not need work to be happy."  I hope the weather permits me making money the good, old fashioned, cashiering way, though.  I need money.

    This just in: emoticons automatically get translated as "face" in my brain.  Example:  Jess Fiedor said, "My day was :O " and my brain translated it as, "My day was [face]."  Jon Sigler does this a lot, too.  The only emoticons I understand are :)   :(   and all other ones translated into actual faces by AIM.  

Day 6: 1/6/05: 6:11AM  pucker up and kiss the asphalt now -At the Drive-In

    Phlegm is at its maximum viscosity in the morning ( phlegm = a function of my body fluids, t = whenever I decide to move my butt out of bed).  That being said, I must go to work [face that expresses utter reluctance].

11:31PM  even if things get heavy we'll all float on -Modest Mouse

    Whenever I clip my fingernails, my fingertips feel reborn and new.  Little fingertips ready for the world.  Awaken!  Be free!  They are quite excited.

    Tonight was a lot of fun because I went to Denny's with Chrissy and Natalie.  It was interesting/awesome to be with both of them at the same time.  We used to be quite the trio when we were in 8th grade.  It's crazy how much things change in five years.  I'm seriously out of things to say.  Good night!

Day 8: 1/8/05: 1:10AM  i'll tie your legs and keep you against my chest -PJ Harvey

    I am convinced that hope is the highest high from which one can fall.  Listening to PJ Harvey while in this mood is like gouging an open wound, keeping it open and exposed a little longer, and, yet, I cannot help myself.  It's beginning to get so that I don't know what I'd do if I woke up and for an entire day did not think about all that could have been and is not.  Maybe stupid boys will be singing a different tune when Holly and I summon zombies from their graves to avenge our broken hearts.  Sometimes I wish I was a zombie so that I could eat the flesh of someone I didn't particularly care for when I was alive.

Day 9: 1/9/05: 6:46PM  sometimes you're nothing but meat -Tori Amos

    Remember that song Blue by Eiffel 65?  Hahaha.  Good times.  I can't remember how old I was when it came out...12, maybe?  Anyway, I downloaded it a few months ago because it's ridiculous.  The video for it is these dudes fighting aliens...that's the whole thing.  It's bizarre.

    Isn't it funny how people can think something is cool just because of some reference to alcohol/drugs?  I always wondered what that was about.  Like how some stoners like Bob Marley because he smokes lots of pot.  Is it that they think they're supposed to like Bob Marley as part of the stoner way?  I'm not saying there aren't those who like Bob Marley for his music, but there are those who favor him for...other reasons.

    I got my hair cut.  Did I tell you?  Well, I guess I just did.  It's kind of boyish, but I like it.  Hahaha.  That reminds me of something Sarah's brother told us when Tina and I went over to her house.  He said that one of his friends and/or acquaintances thought that the term "pothead" meant the same thing as "bowl cut."  This fellow was purported to have said, "I think it'd be cool to have a pothead."

    I think I'll loaf before I go to bed.  Goodnight in advance.

Day 10: 1/10/05: 10:34PM  how about not equating death with stopping? -Alanis Morissette

    The first day of my second semester of college will soon be over.  It really wasn't bad at all.  Some might use the term "good", in fact.  Some, meaning me.  I found all of my teachers to be engaging and seemingly interested in their subject matter, which is always awesome.  It seriously bothers me to know end when I have to be in a class in which the teacher does not even care about the subject matter.

    Whenever people criticize me for going to bed before midnight, I used to get annoyed.  "What right do they have to make fun of me for wanting to get the required amount of sleep?" I used to think.  Recently, however, I have come to the conclusion that these people are just jealous of my mad sleep skills.  They may boast about how they nap during the day and don't go to bed until (insert some ungodly hour here), but they secretly wish they could manage their time better so as to not have to pull all-nighters.  Yes, this is my conclusion.

    Anyway, I'm off to bed.  Good night.

Day 11: 1/11/05: 8:24AM  open your eyes, look up to the skies and see -Queen

    Before I head off to work, I figured I'd savor a sensuous "Spice Kake Krimpet."  It kind of stinks whenever I want to eat something that I left here over the break because it is quite probable that a rotting pumpkin dripped its juice of decay on the things below it (such as the Tastykake box).  It really wouldn't be a problem if I had remembered to take the pumpkin with me, but I totally forgot and came back to find an amorphous former pumpkin sagging on the edge of my shelf.  It didn't smell...until I moved it.  Maybe the stench was in protest, like, "It's quite obvious you only cared for my looks and not the true pumpkin beauty that lies within...I shall stench in protest."  I'm not too positive that "stench" can be used as a verb, but there it is.  I made sure all the food I left behind was individually wrapped, so I guess I'll be safe from rotting pumpkin poison...let's hope.

Day 14: 1/14/05: 3:50PM  tomorrow has never happened, and it doesn't frighten me -Björk

    Well.  Today was absolutely wonderful, and I can't even come up with a reason as to why.  I went to classes, and they were as always.  For some reason, though, it felt like spring to me.  When I went to my first class at 8AM, it was pouring rain, but by 11AM, it had stopped raining and the sun was out.  It wasn't really sunny, but for some reason it all felt miraculous and beautiful to me.  That's how the rest of my day has been.

Day 17:  1/17/05: 3:07PM  i watch hope come over me -Moby

    I had an absolutely wonderful time at Zombie Fest 2005!  It consisted of Holly, me, and zombie/horror movies.  It was wonderful.  Also, I proclaimed my love for "Batbag."  Hmm...

    At the moment I have cramps and postnasal drip/ pain and nausea.  I hope I feel better for the commencement of my second week of classes.  We had today off in honor of Martin Luther King Jr.  I'm off to prepare for the PRAXIS exam.  I bought one of those Cliffsnotes preparation books while at the book store.  Although it is bitterly cold out, I really wanted to finish off my roll of film...and do some investigation.  Ehhh.  My uterus, beloved cramper of style and muscle, beckons me away.

Day 21: 1/21/05: 7:21PM  if living is seeing, i'm holding my breath in wonder, i wonder what happens next -Björk

    Well, dear goblins, I have been rather busy.  Last semester, I purposely kept my schedule minimally academically eventful, but I should have known that that was the reason I was getting so jaded and morose.  My senior year of high school was non-stop busy;  I always had something that required immediate attention, like Crosswinds or my AP classes or CARE Club.  Even though there were points last year when I wanted to pull out every strand of hair on my wobbly, little head, but there were several factors that played into that.  I think the most obvious/dominant stress factor was my mother.  Don't get me wrong, she's not really Satan, and I do love her, but sometimes spawnee and spawner are not meant to dwell in the same household.  Look at wild animals.  Do they hang out with their parents forever?  No, of course not.  I'll admit to the ridiculousness of that last point, too.

    I'm taking the same amount of credits as I did last semester, but the classes are so much cooler (no offense to Wellness and Speech).  For example, my German Literature class- holy crap!! It's so awesome!  Also, Intro to Proof is proving to have severe rock factor, even though it's no calc.  Last week I realized why it was that Proof seemed so awkward to me; it's not calc.  I know it sounds lame.  But I'd been taking calc for 2.5 years!  I was so happy in my little calc world; however, I just realized I'm learning something completely different!  However obvious that may sound, it really hit me earlier this week.  This math class is nothing like anything I've ever had.  It's so completely new and foreign!  I feel like one of the settlers of the New World or the crew of the U.S.S. Enterprise (NCC 1701D, the coolest Enterprise by far).  Sooo, I'm very excited!

    Also, I start math tutoring next week  So excited!  AND I've been working out a lot lately, so I don't feel all tired and sad and unfit.  It's a plan that's working so far.  I'm feeling so much more like myself than I did last semester.  It took me a little while to get out of the self-conscious thing; I was self-conscious for me, anyway.  Now I can sing and make up stupid little ditties aloud with little to no concern as to who might be laughing at me.  I have a secret: I don't really care.

    Tonight is "Game Night" in the lobby of my dorm, and I'm extremely pumped.  I don't party or anything, so I must find alternatives to harming my body and mind.  I think I'm doing just fine.

Day 22: 1/22/05: 10:28 PM  and if you see her, tell her it's over now -Weezer

    Game night was awesome.  Jill and I were the only students there.  We and some slightly less-enthused RA's played Cranium...TURBO EDITION.  It was pretty fun.  I really enjoy board games, though, in addition to being lame, of course.

    It snowed a whole lot this morning, so I didn't get around to going to the gym.  On the other hand, I got lots of homework done, so that was pretty cool.  Furthermore, I watched some Disney movies with Holly and her roommate Kristie.  I had a pleasant day.

    I feel like writing.

Day 23: 1/23/05: 11:16AM  never was a cornflake girl, thought it was a good solution -Tori Amos

    Today, I plan on going to the gym at noon.  I think it was actually open yesterday, but I just assumed that it wasn't due to the snow.  Also, I don't think I would have wanted to traverse to the gym in that, anyway.  But...yes.  I am pumped to go today.

    As of this past week, my hands have been reaching the point of gross due to dry skin.  I usually don't put any lotion on it unless it's that Norwegian Vaseline stuff, as that stuff works really well and doesn't overpoweringly smell like sugarplums or cotton blossom or whatever else.  On Thursday, my hands got so bad they bled a lot more than normal, so I decided so as not to gross anyone out, I'd take to my roommate's "Vanilla Swiss" stuff.  It smells a little like Gak, but at least my hands aren't getting my notes all bloody.  Horray!

Day 26: 1/26/05: 12:09PM  catch me, heal me, lift me back up to the sun.  I choose to live -A Perfect Circle

    Well, well.  I went to my first college tutoring session...and no one was there except for the other tutors.  Hahaha.  Oh well.  It is my most sincere hope that once the semester progresses and people realize that they are in danger of failing the class, they will come in greater numbers.  Considering that 1 > 0, it won't take a lot of people to make this hope turn to reality.

    My hands are way better.  They don't look diseased at all, anymore.  Or, at least, Jill said they looked diseased, but I always knew they were just dry and nothing grosser than that.  Diseased.  Pshaw.  Yeah.  I'm sure.  She also said to me last night, "Well why don't you just die and crawl in to a hole...oh, wait, no...crawl into the hole first and then you can just die."  Sometimes I wonder if she knows how cruel she sounds at times.  Hahaha.  Luckily, I know that she would not wish death upon me, for I am her "math buddy," but enough.

    Who's in a bunker, who's in a bunker?  Sherry's in a bunker and soon to be off to another tutoring session.  I am in love with Radiohead.  I have just decided that I have arm hair of a moderate darkness.

Day 27: 1/27/05: 2:10PM  pardon me while i burst into flames -Incubus

    My roommate is unexpectedly moving out tonight.  A friend of hers is moving into another dorm and wanted Nicolle to room with her.  I was a little sad, but Nicolle seemed to feel really bad about leaving me.  I assured her that I would be fine and that now I can walk around naked whenever I want to, even though I don't really do that anyway, I will soon have the option.

Day 28 :1/28/05: 9:12PM  you want what you want, but you don't want to be -Le Tigre

    I am rather psyched to for 3pm to mosey on down to my realm of perception, for it is then that Holly and I shall hightail it out of Millersville and back to our relative place of origin, NEPA!  I was actually born in State College, moved to VA, lived there for ten years, and then moved to North-Eastern Pennsylvania, but that is all pretty much irrelevant. The point is, that I am going back to Bloom today and am pumped.  I will get to visit my awesome sister Shannon and my awesome buddy Jessiboo.  I don't know if I'll hang out with others, but I guess I'll just let the details work themselves out.  Perhaps I will get to socialize with Katie, for I have not seen her in a while.  I miss the Sarap, too, though.  Of course I long for the company of more of my companions, but it would be impossible to see them for various reasons, some of which being Operas, camping trips, and Lock Haven.  Sooooo...

    You're gonna crap your pants out loud when you hear this:  I am making a fort!  Because Nicolle moved out last night, she no longer needed her bed-lofting device and so gave it to me.  So now my bed is lofted, and there's an empty space underneath.  My plans are to turn that empty space into a fort.  I already named it and stuck a sign on the loft and everything.  I dub it "Fort Sherry."  Creative, no?  Hahaha.  Anyway, I have an environment class soon, so I should do it to it and go.

    I had a lot of fun last night.  Holly's RA Natalie hosted a Chocolat and Chocolate event.  It was a bunch of girls eating Chocolate and drooling over Johnny Dep and such a wonderful time.  They rocked the Gypsy boat.

    I don't think I'll update again before I leave for the weekend, so I'll wish you a wonderful next couple of days in advance.

Day 30: 1/30/05: 10:25PM  i'd give everything if you'd grant my love a pardon, and all the fruits again would build a garden -Mirah

    I'm back from Bloomsburg.  I had a wonderful time, as is most often the case.  I spent some time with Shannon.  She made me the best Valentine's Day card ever.  I also hung out with Jess and Dana.  We saw Phantom of the Opera, the movie version that they just spat out recently.  It was pretty good.  I'm glad to be back, though, as I have mounds of work to complete for tomorrow.

    Yeah, I'll get on that.

Day 32: 2/1/05: 6:29AM  but they don't understand, he's got palm-oil hands -Tori Amos

    Being with my sister this previous weekend was the best.  When in her car, we rocked out hard core to Jimmy Eat World.  Hard.  Core.  I almost forgot what it was like to really go crazy over a song and put myself completely into the moment, singing along at the top of my lungs.  In those moments, the negative aspects of life can wait until the end of the song.  Man.  I can't really explain it, but maybe you know what I mean if you've ever been one to totally rock out to a song.  Oh well.  I've got some Cygnet's fun of which to partake (Yesss!).

9:25PM  there's something in your eyes that says maybe that's never.  never say never -Queens of the Stone Age

    Wow.  Work was so cool that the busted register that always has problems had to break down to counteract the coolness.  Otherwise, I just might have burst with glee.  I don't know about you, but there's always something awesome about working at a cash register, waiting on people, whether they are in no hurry or the hugest hurry imaginable.  I love it.  No lie.  When I become a teacher, I'll have a register in my classroom.  Hahaha.  This way my students will know right away that I'm "something."  When people describe me, other than mentioning that I am short and mathy, they're like, "Well, she's something..."  Hahaha.

    I think I pulled my jaw muscle from singing out loud too much...

    Well, I have some C++ in which to revel.  Bye!

Day 34: 2/3/05: 6:17AM  i will work to elevate you, just enough to bring you down -Tool

    Wow.  I feel as if I've been really busy, but that's not really true.  The gross bulk of my spare time has been devoted to www.thefacebook.com  .  I know what some of you might be thinking, "Ugh, I can't believe she's so lame...blahhh," but it's actually totally addictive.  My favorite part is getting poked.  I recommend checking it out if your school is included in it.

    Ehhhh.  I have a lot of non-facebooking to do, so I'm going to get going.  Farewell, maggots.

Day 35: 2/4/05: 9:38AM  i'm in the basement, baby, drop on by -Placebo

    Man, I have this crazy case of "the phlegms", as I like to call it, and it just won't go away.  I got a chest/head cold (the best of both worlds) over winter bread, and that's pretty much all over and done with...except for this persistent mucus.  It makes for some interesting noises and conversation, but people tire of phlegm and the by products of it rather quickly.  Jill makes fun of my hacking noises which are undoubtedly audible throughout the entire hall, but I can't really help it.  It gets to the point where I can hear it in my throat as my breath flaps it about.  Eww.  So, logically, at that point I have no other choice but to send it packing...right into the little garbage can under my desk.  Awesome- except for the fact that I sound like a cancerous, old man.  I'm not an old man, so it's a little unnerving.

    Oh yeah, there's no soap in our bathroom, so I just realized that I haven't washed my hands for over two days, which isn't really a huge deal for me, except that I work in the food service industry.  I use some hand sanitizer junk before work and all, but I'm not really sure of its effectiveness.  My sister Shannon told me that although it works the fist time used, it doesn't really help after that.  This is why (so awesome!): Because one doesn't use water with it, the germs that were killed in the first use just hang out, never washed away with water.  So there's all these dead germs, which apparently look appetizing to living germs.  So the live germs are like, "Hey, check it out, a feast fit for kings!" and they dig in.  So now there are live germs AND dead germs hanging out on your hands. That's what Shannon told me, but I was thinking that maybe one could use that stuff all the time, and then just keep killing the masses and masses of germs.  I guess the point isn't that it is possible to get rid of the ever-multiplying germ community on the hands, but the fact that using this hand sanitizer stuff incurs the wrath of more germs.

    Holy cow, that's 5 minutes of my life I just spent typing about hand sanitizer.  I really need to be more productive with my time.

Day 36: 2/5/05: 2:00AM  let your force field drop, sensors out, and try to communicate -Prick

    I'm feeling so content at the moment, but I don't really know why.  I'm at college, not partying or any mega socializing (I get uncomfortable around large groups of superficial people), just doing my work and having a wonderful time.  Lately, when I walk outside, I try to see everything within my view.  Everything.  If you think about it, how often does one just look at everything instead of focusing on some particular something or even at a random point in space?  I realized that I never looked beyond the buildings or past the trees until this year.  It reminds me of how small I am and how small humanity is on Earth, in turn soothing me whenever things aren't going how I'd like them to be.  So what if life's not quite what I wanted it to be?  We're just animals walking upright in our clothing and accessories.  That's another thing I like to do, think about the fact that we're just animals, walking around, all important.  I do not mean this to be an insult against Creationists.  I am Christian, but I do believe in Evolution.  Some people ask how this can be, and I don't really feel like explaining it at the moment.

    But, yeah, I'm way happier than I was last semester.  It was just negativity weighing me down and tugging at me.  I go through cycles in which I'm pulled down and can't seem to break free.  Then before I know it, I have already shrugged it off, like it was always so easy.  At this point in life, I am convinced that it really is that easy; one must be in the right frame of mind, though, which is where the hard part come in.

    Today I was reminded of how much I miss reading only for the pleasure of it.  I need to read Pride and Prejudice again, as I haven't read it since last fall (shame, shame.)  I plan on reading some more Jane Austin.  She's so amazing.  Ooo!!  I also want to read Wuthering Heights again!  I'm so excited!

    My part-polyester old man pants create an excess of static :(  Oh well.  No gain, no pain, right?  I'm not sure if that saying applies to old man fashions, though...especially when I am not an old man...not at all.

Day 37: 2/6/04: 7:11PM  she looks like the real thing, she tastes like the real thing- my fake, plastic love. -Radiohead

    Last night was movie night with Holly Dolly in Fort Sherry.  It was pretty awesome.  We watched Amelie and Grumpier Old Men.  Man, that last movie made me want to be an old man.  The more I think about it, I could have been an old man in the past life.  Sometimes I wonder...

    I actually haven't been listening to a lot of Radiohead.  I still listen to it almost every day, but it's not like before when I was mopey and listened to nothign but Radiohead and sad Björk songs.  I feel a lot better, though.

    On Friday, I went to an undergraduate talk on minimal surfaces.  Given a curve in space, the minimal surface must touch all points on the curve and be the smallest possible area in doing so.  The man who talked used wire frames and liquid dishwashing detergent to demonstrate.  It was really awesome.  Some of it was a bit way over my head, but I still enjoyed it.  Yeah, I know, I'm such a nerd (IV).

    I have an entire wasteland's worth of homework to conquer.  Farewell.

Day 39: 2/8/04: 10:55PM  when all words fail she speaks, her mix-tape's a masterpiece -Ben Folds Five

    Ok, this is the coolest ever:  Ben Folds is coming to Millersville!  Holy crap!  Shannon, her friend, possibly other people and I are going.  It's in April.  I'm so psyched!  I seriously get all happy and giddy and quivery when I think about it.  You can see, I wanna, wanna, wanna, wanna be Kate!  Now I have a valid excuse (in my mind, at least) to get some more Ben Folds (Five) CDs!  Yay!

    As far as what's been going on in my ridiculously worry-free life, Holly, Kristie, and I had a hair-dying extravaganza the night of the Superbowl!  For those who know me even a little, it should be no surprise to read that I don't give two shits about football, especially professional football.  Furthermore, the fact that many girls were being crazy-loud like orangutans or some other horrible, screechy, annoying animal.  It made me want to gouge out my eyeballs and throw them at the banshees.  Grrrr.  Oh well, I guess to say that I have a low tolerance for screechy girls would be a sever understatement.  I also have a really hard time concentrating on school work (mostly reading) when there's lots of noise, especially voices.  I used to yell at my AP Biology teacher for demonstrating a lack of control over the more talkative students during tests.  3/4 of the way through the school year, he said, "You know, I just thought you were being difficult; I had no idea you really couldn't concentrate."  Hahaha.  Funny stuff.  I just stared at him, as if to communicate, "No way."  Anyway, I gave up doing work in my wing, let alone my room, and went to Holly and Kristie's to dye hair.  Yes, it was great fun.

    Ever since it has gotten warmer outside, Millersville has intermittently smelled like smelly, horrible, industrial fart, ass.  It's really gross.  It reminds me of being in high school, since Central was next to a cat food plant.  Often, it smelled gross.

    This is kind of nice, that I don't have anything to complain about aside from outdoor fart smells, screech-owl wingmates, and boy spatter on the toilet seats (yes, boys- the gender that our bathroom is not for- are sprinkling when they are tinkling.  too bad they aren't being sweeties and wiping the seaties..."  Ok, there are these funny/ridiculous/cute signs taped to the stall doors right above Stall Talk that say, "If you Sprinkle when you Tinkle, Be a Sweety and wipe the Seaty!" or some weirdness like that.  The random capitalization is not a product of my imagination.).  I'm seriously so much happier than I was last semester.  I'm so thankful, too.  

    Last semester, I was ready to begin the systematic removal of my skin.  No kidding.  I would have done it, had it not been for the fact that it would be really kind of messy and inconvenient for the cleaning crew and my sister and dad who would have to come and have my skinless carcass dragged back to Bloomsburg.  I doubt it would stain the carpet, though, because the dorm carpets are a grey color into which almost all stains blend.  One time, I spilled an entire cappuccino on the floor, and it just soaked it up.  You wouldn't have been able to visibly discern the cappupuddle, only knowing of its existence when you step into it, the cold, caffeinated bliss oozing between your toes.  *Sigh*  I ended up cleaning it up when I was done staring and prodding at the carpet.  I was oddly spooked.

    I really need to sleep!

Day 40: 2/9/05: 9:27AM  the coldness helps, it's our favorite remedy -Rasputina

    Proof of bad spelling skills: having to consult a cream cheese label so as to investigate if "cream cheese" is one work or two.  I always have problems with the one word vs. two word words.  Like, Northpole...or North Pole.  

    One time, my mom got really mad at my little brother and me for calling each other names, especially those containing the word "butt."  

    She was like, "Can we just stop it with the compound words with 'butt' in them?"  

    I replied, "Not all compound words with 'butt' in them are insults, so what if we want to use one of those?" and my little brother, who was 10 or 11 at the time, said, "Yeah, what about 'butterfly'?"  

    My mom got more annoyed, exclaiming, "'Butt' is not one of the components of 'butterfly'!"  

    Then he said, "Fine, what about 'buttfly'?" and we laughed, except for my mom.  She just frowned more.

    Sometimes I feel really bad for customers at my current place of employment. I work at a sandwich/coffee/fruit/hotdog/yogurt/bagel/donut place inside the dining hall, and this job requires me to ask a billion questions.  I've noticed that most of the employees don't ask the number of questions that I do.  I think it has to do with the fact that I'm a sucker for doing everything my boss says.  I was thinking about it the other day, and I ask a freaking lot of questions.  Sometimes, I'll think, "Holy cow, another question must be asked."  Here is a list of the questions I must ask.  I think it could be best expressed as a flow chart, but I don't have the webpage skills to pull that off:

    That last question happened yesterday.  I felt really bad, but then again, the food itself had not touched the floor, and unless the man planned on eating the bag, there wasn't anything to worry about.  In addition to asking the customer all of the questions (and maybe more) that apply, I must also inform them if they have and excess of meal plan money, suggesting things that they could get with the surplus.  This is the question that pisses the most people off, because some people are really set in only getting the amount of food that they can eat and no more.  They probably wouldn't make it as squirrels, who must collect and store large quantities of food for the winter.  Of course, the customers will have meal plan through out most of the winter, anyway, so I guess they don't need the hording instinct to survive.  The thing is, though, when one purchases a meal plan for the semester (19 meals a week, let's assume), he has already spent the money, so he might as well get the most out of what he has spent.  The place I work also loses money when people don't spend they're allotted amounts, because we don't sell as much as we would if the people would just buy an extra water or whatever.  But, like I said, some people get really pissed off when I try cajole them to get something else.  Sometimes, they look they could spew fire from their eyeballs.  Hahahah.  Then I always feel the need to inform them that "I'm supposed to tell them," which is true.

    Also, I must inform customers of a special that we're having, even if I could bet my life on the fact that this person wouldn't want to partake of the sale.  Like yesterday, the fattest of all Tuesdays, we were selling Fastnachts.  A lot of people didn't really know what they were, but I'm really bad at describing things verbally.  "They're doughy...they've got cinnamon sugar and powdered sugar flavors...they are traditionally eaten on fat Tuesday, the last day of binging and excess before Lent..."  I know a lot about Carnival because my high school German teacher was all about talking about it in excess.  He never brought in cool Fastnachts or anything, though, just talked about it for two weeks.  Although it didn't interest me at the time, I think it's awesome how in Roman Catholic Germany, they're all about getting the craziness out of one's system before the period of restriction and prudence that is Lent.

    My face needs washing, and the homework needs doing.

Day 41: 2/10/05: 8:29 PM  i can't breath any more -Deftones

I'm super busy, but here are some things I want to tell you about:  getting electrocuted while unplugging my blow-dryer, the policeman waking me up at 1:24am to return my checkbook that I dropped while in computer class, fire crisis in my dorm and my consequent wind blown face.

Day 42: 2/11/05: 12:39AM  some of them want to abuse you, some of them want to be abused -Eurythmics

    Ok, here's the first story, entitled...ELECTROCUTION IN THE EVENING:  I had just taken a shower and was blow-drying my hair.  I finished up, and reached for the plug to the blow-dryer.  Normally, I don't just grope around w/out looking, but Holly had just imed me, and I was trying to read what she had said.  That's when I let out a girlie scream, overcome with a crazy jumpy feeling in my right arm.  Then it started to shake violently, causing me to lose my grip on the blow-dryer plug.  Good thing.  Then the feeling coursed through my right leg.  Then I just stood there and realized, "Blast, I just got electrocuted...rock on!"  Jill heard me from her room across the hall and knocked timidly and asked if I was alright.  Hahaha.  So funny.  Holly had been iming me to ask if I wanted to get some dinner, and I was game.  So we went to dinner, and I told every person I saw that I had just been electrocuted.  Like, when people say, "Hey, what's up?" as more of a greeting than an actual desire/interest to know what is up.  That was when I'd be like, "Oh, I just got electrocuted.  Hahahaha."  I even did this to the card-swiper lady in the dining hall.  Sweet.

Day 43: 2/12/05: 4:45PM  i can feel the distance as you breathe -Tori Amos

    I was going to type some stuff I think, but now I don't really feel up to it.  I wish parents would just grow up a little.  Not everyone's parents, but some just need to get over themselves.  Specifically, those who have children w/ former husbands or wives.  Stop yelling at us, it doesn't solve any problems.  You think we can do shit about whatever it is you're mad at our other parent for?  You think we'll give you sympathy and side with you?  No.  We love them as much as we love you, and it hurts when you lash out at us for something the other did.  We're not responsible for the fact that you were ever involved with them, and if you express regret over even meeting them, how are we to think anything but that you resent our birth?  Is that why you yell at us, because you see something of them in us, and you cannot stand it?  You don't know how much it hurts us.

Day 44: 2/13/05: 11:52PM  drying up in conversation, you will be the one who cannot talk -Radiohead

    I'm feeling less ranty.  It wasn't really totally my parents that evoked the rant, but just how in general it seems that as we get older, our parents, who are supposed to be faultless actually have lots of faults and aren't really fair at all.  Hahahah.  No offense to cool parents, but, you know, it's not all sugar and unicorns and all whatever else it should be.

Day 49: 2/18/05: 12:17PM  you're a stranger, so, what do i care? -A Perfect Circle

    I've been spectacularly busy.  I hope you can forgive me absence.

Day 53: 2/22/05: 6:33AM  you're the one who grows distant when i beckon you near. -Björk

    Yesterday was kind of stupid.  People gossiping about how weird and homosexual I am.  Mehhh.  It makes me want to undress them with my eyes upon our next encounter, but I really wouldn't because I don't find them worth the time I'd be taking out of my hour of hot lesbian sex that barely fits into my schedule as it is.  Ehhh.  I don't know why I got so upset when I heard that they had been talking about me like that.  I thought I was pretty much done with those awkward, stupid feelings of self-doubt and sadness caused by petty girls and their wicked tongues.  I wanted to cry; it was really bad.  I didn't cry, but I just wanted to so much.  And then I wanted to walk up to them and just scream and tell them how stupid they are and that it wouldn't matter if I was gay or bi and that it's none of their business even if I am.  I shouldn't have to explain myself to other people.  If they don't want to take the time to get to know me, then fuck them.  They can read their beauty magazines and splay themselves out for the next drunken guy to have a hay-day upon.  Ugghhh.  I get so angry at girls sometimes.  I know it's not just girls, but being in a wing full of them makes me slightly ill.  Oh well.

    Other than that, I'm doing really well.  I'll write more later.

Day 58: 2/27/05: 1:03PM  and if the woodpecker bites your eyes out i could care less -The Left Rights

    Umm...umm...ummm.  I havent' written lately for some reasons.  One of them is that I don't really have the time, which could be a good sign.  Another reason is that I just haven't really felt like it.  Sometimes I feel like talking and sometimes I don't.  I don't really know when this will end, but I guess you'll know by a notable increase in updates whenever that is to happen.

Day 60: 3/1/05: 6:31PM  yeah, i'm praying for rain, i'm praying for tidal waves. -Tool

    It's been snowing a whole lot, consequently classes have been delayed until 10am.  Guess who's too cool for classes on Tuesday mornings and works at Cygnet's instead?  Yes, I do.  I don't think we're closed, either, so that should be a good time.  At least my bosses aren't too bad.  Judy usually is there in the morning, and she's always talking about her son and her family.  I always like to hear people talk about their functional families.  It gives me hope for my future family if I ever should have one.

    My eyes are really, really dry.  Especially when I wake up.  I feel like they weren't just closed for six hours.  Maybe I have chronic dry eye, or something.  That could be sweet...except that I really dislike spending money, so...yeah.  Let's hope my tear ducts get their act together sometime soon.

    I am more than pumped for this Friday afternoon to get its awesome little butt here.  I can't wait to go home and see all my friends from NEPA.  Ahhhh, NEPA.  Hahahaha.  

    I think it'd be really cool to have an advice column on this website, except that almost no one even bothers to sign the guestbook.  I would think that writing an entire sentence, possibly an entire paragraph would be waaayyyy too much for a set of people who can't even manage to sign the guestbook.  Yes, there are those who do sign it, and I thank them for that, even if their soul intention is to show off their awesome German keyboard.  Hahaha.  Oh well, you guys are lazy.  Oddly enough, three of the laziest people I know have signed the guestbook, so maybe the rest of you could learn from them.

    DRY EYEEEEE!!!!  Ugh.  and work.  meh.

Day 61: 3/2/05: 9:29AM  i dare you to take me on.  i dare you to show me your palms.  -Björk

    Spring break, woo hoo! (In 53.5 hours).

    My eye is less dry, which is always good.  I need to get cracking on some homework.

Day 62: 3/3/05: 10:36AM  girl, you'll be a woman soon -Urge Overkill

    Yeah, I guess Neil Diamond did that song originally, but I really like Urge Overkill's remake of it, so THERE!

    I've been really sleepy lately.  I'll be reading for my German Lit class and suddenly feel the need to sleep.  In the middle of the day.  It's crazy.  I never used to take naps before college.  Weirrrrrd.  Anyway, I'm in love with that song.  It makes me want to dance like Uma Therman in Pulp Fiction.

    Ehhhhworrrrrk.

Day 9: 3/14/05: 7:26AM  i won't hold onto the tail of your kite. -Tori Amos

    Spring Break was a lot of fun, visiting lots of friends, but I kind of backslid.  Now I'm back at day 9.  This cannot be how it is to be every time I go home.  Ehhh.  I'm such a loser sometimes.

Day 11:  3/16/05: 7:25AM  i've made charts and graphs that should finally make it clear.  i've prepared a lecture on why i have to leave.  -Postal Service

    I've been so mega busy.  At first I detested these study hours that I must do while pledging for DZ, but yesterday rocked.  I got everything done!  It was incredible!  I even got to do some practice assignments for Proofs.  I wish I could remember to remind myself of the positive aspects of my situation at any given time as opposed as having to go through these bouts of mopiness.  Oh well.  Maybe I'll get better at it as my faith grows and I mature.

    Jon hooked me up with The Beekeeper, Tori Amos' new album.  I love it so much!  I can't remember the last time I got a Tori Album and devoured it through intense listening over the following 2-3 weeks.

    Ehhh, I must go.

Day 15:  3/20/05: 5:22PM  i can follow all your rules and still be me. -Björk

    This weekend has been really great.  Holly, Britany, Kristie, and I went to Danville to see the Regional Chorus Concert.  It was really awesome.  I got to see Jon, Dana, and Laura among others from Central.  It was so wonderful and yet saddening, as I genuinely miss being in chorus and singing.  :(

    On the way out of Bloomsburg, we stopped at a local McDonalds, and there was a group of four guys there, too.  Just as we were about to leave the parking lot, we waved to the guys, so as to be dumb or something.  We were pretty wired on candy and such, so we were in quite the silly mood.  As Holly was pulling out of the parking lot, the guys' car backed up and stopped right behind her car, blocking her exit (ahhhh!).  After a few seconds, they moved out of our way, and we left McDonalds.  Britany told Holly to slow down so that the guys could catch up to us and Britany could flash them.  But then the guys told us to go to Wal-Mart!  So we did!  We all pretty much stayed in our respective cars, except for this one guy who was all about  the fact that it was his 21st birthday, but we told him that we don't drink, with the exception of Beefner (she showed me the beauty that is Bright Eyes!).  So yeah.  We "exchanged numbers."  As in, they gave us their numbers, but we didn't really give them ours.  But I wanted to call the driver of the man caravan, Walt, so I did, and we gave him Holly's number.  So...yeah.  It turns out our friend from Paxinos knows all of these guys.  Hahaha.  It's a small NEPA, after all...

    I saw Batboy today, and it was really awesome.  But, yeah, I'm crazy tired.  Goodnight!

Day 20: 3/25/05: 9:38AM  your mind is lined with layers of lead, have you heard one thing that i said? -Stroke 9     Wow, I've been severely busy and severely happy!  I'm probably, definitely going home this weekend.  Oh, and this is a picture of my dad and me in which I am being a rapper and my dad is making a silly face.  I think I was around 6-years-old.   Day 23: 3/28/05: 9:37AM  It's slippery when your sense of justice murmurs underneath and is asking you, "How am I going to make it right?" -Björk     I had a lovely Easter.  I made dinner with my dad, and Shannon and Gary came over.  I was glad to get to see everyone.  I also got to meet many of Holly's wonderful friends and hang out with some of my own, especially the Luscious Chrissy Luschas.     Last night I had a weird, compressed feeling in my head.  I tried to get some work done, but I couldn't really sit up, so I was forced to go to bed at 10:00pm.  I was somewhat concerned; I don't ever get headaches, which I don't think it was, anyway.  My mind was more focused this morning, so I could at least get some Microeconomics studied for the exam we had at 8am.  I hope my brain is ok.

    1:25PM  crystal cups hold ice cream cold, sugar and gold, sugar and gold -The Blue Up?

    So, here's the deal: it's not really necessary to open your mouth as much as humanly possible and project with all of your diaphragm's might when talking to your friends down the hallway...or maybe it is necessary, if the goal is to talk to your friend who lives 3 rooms away.  So then, maybe, if you really can't fathom traveling the twenty feet that separates your room and your friend's room due to a schedule so hectic that you cannot spend the 5 seconds that it would take to make the trek (or maybe due to laziness- I'll assume that there is no way that this later reason could be the cause of your horrendously loud expression of the hotness of guy x or the grossness of guy y), you should rig a system of pulleys and rope that you could attach to a harness or, better yet, to your computer chair (because if you don't have the time to waste walking down the hall, getting into a harness would not be very practical, either).  That way, you could just have someone lug your lazy ass down the hallway so that you would not have to be so unjustifiably loud.  Just a thought.  If you need help developing/setting up this squealy girl transportation device, then let me know.  I would be more than happy to do whatever it takes to get you to SHUT THE FUCK UP.

Day 29: 4/3/05: 3:12PM  why can't the moon stay full forever? -The Goo Goo Dolls

    April Fool's Day has come and gone.  I was kind of upset that I didn't do anything really cool/stupid to commemorate the occasion.  I remember when I went to daycare with Shannon.  We were in the same group of kids, but she was too cool to hang out with me.  Hahaha.  Anyway, we had this really mean teacher woman there named Ms. Crystal.  Ugh, she was such a bitch.  Seriously, she sucked a lot, which is saying a lot coming from me because I tend to admire authority figures from the get-go.  This was even more so the case when I was 8.  But this Ms. Crystal- bitch.  On April Fool's Day of that year, Shannon and a bunch of her friends conspired to stealthily place a rotting 4-leaf clover on Ms. Crystal's shoulder.  Shannon had stowed it away in her cubby hole since February, keeping it within the folds of a damp tissue.  So, yeah, this clover was really gross and rotting.  Anyway, we were like, "Ms. Crystal, there's a rotting 4-leaf clover on  your shoulder," but she didn't believe us.  I don't know how it was when everyone else was little, but, on April Fool's Day, any lie was game.  Some kids would be like, "Ms. Connie, my mom died....APRIL FOOL'S!  So, of course, Ms. Bitch was like, "No way, you kids are just lying.  Why would there be a rotting clover on my shoulder..." and so on.  Hhahaha.  But there totally was.  And I guess she eventually found out.  That was probably the coolest April Fool's joke I've ever been witness to.

    People are still really loud in my hallway, but I guess I can handle it for the last five weeks of the semester.  I thought all hallways were as loud as mine is, but I guess not, because visitors are always really surprised, remarking, "Damn, your hall is so loud!"  I just kind of shrug and go, "Yep.  It is.  It kind of sucks, but what can you do?"

    Oh yeah!  I don't know if I mentioned this before, but Holly and I depledged the sorority that we were previously pledging.  It was just a lot of time consumed doing things that we didn't feel were productive/worth the time they gobbled up.  No offense; fraternities and sororities are really cool for some people...just not for Holly and me.  In the defense of the Millersville chapter of DZ, they were pretty respectable as far as sororities go (from what I've seen/heard about other sororities).  There wasn't any hazing, but they did want me to steal a plate, and I wasn't very cool with that.  It's really funny, but that' what made my decision final.  Oh, and there was this whole business with making a paddle, something for which I did not have the time.  So, yeah.  I did enjoy myself at times, most if not all of the girls of DZ being nice, pleasant people.  I'm all about giving things a chance, so I don't regret that I tried it only to find that it wasn't my thing.  I get kind of annoyed when people who don't really know me are like, "I knew it wasn't for you..." blah, blah, blah (to quote my awesome new roommate Jill).  It's one thing when my close friends or Shannon says that, because they know me really well, and they have a true basis for that judgment.

    Oh yeah!  Jill moved in two weeks ago!  It's really awesome having her as a roommate.  We're both homework/study nerds, so that rocks.  People ask me if I miss having the room to myself (I had no roommate for two months), but I don't really care either way.  I shared a room my entire life, except for when I was around 2 or 3 years old, which doesn't really count, because I just kind of hung out in my crib and cried a lot, anyway, so it's not like I could do anything with all of that space.  But, yeah, I don't mind sharing a room with anyone; I even like it, if the person isn't crazy.  Jill is actually gone for the weekend and is coming back tonight.  I am fairly excited, as I missed my beloved Gill.

Day 32: 4/6/05: 7:37AM  right in the middle of the parkinlot, mother fucker -The Left Rights

    I'm very excited to go home in a little over a month but not nearly as excited for that to happen as I am for...BEN FOLDS!!  Oh.  My.  Sooooo excited.  You have no idea.  I have been keeping fairly busy, so that's cool.  Soon I'll have to call Weis and be like, "Hi, please rehire me for the summer."  I don't mind working, in fact, I do enjoy getting to observe the average person at their grumpiest.  I mean, most people come to the grocery store only after they have finished the billions of other errands that they had to run that day.  So, logically, most shoppers are drained/pissed off/in a hurry.  It's very interresting.  I've forgotten most of the PLU codes, so that will rock.  Ok, econ time!

Day 33: 4/7/05: 6:35AM  don't believe everything that you breathe -Beck

    This add was in the MU classifieds this morning:

    Umm, yeah.  BEN FOLDS IN 17 DAYS!  It got really warm yesterday, to my delight, of course.  Time for work!

Day 36: 4/10/05: 9:28PM  all I ever thought it might come to was second dates and flirting eyebrows.  -Harvey Danger

    I had a wonderful weekend.  Honestly, it was simply awesome.  I hung out with Holly Dolly and Brit, mostly.  There was also Pride and Prejudice (the A & E presentation, of course) with Kait.  She says she will now call me "A-sher-i-gus" (like asparagus, I guess).  I'm pretty sure she has already forgotten this promise she made to me yesterday evening.  Quite a shame.

    I also got my ear flap pierced (tragus?) and my hair cut way short.  I like it much better this way, as I really hate doing anything to my hair.  I get really sick of having to conform to the wrath of bilateral symmetry.  Longer hair gives way to this, and I could not have it be so.  So off went the hair.  I feel that I can comply with radial symmetry, or maybe even asymmetry ( If (x,y) belongs to the relation R on set A, then (y,x) does not belong to R --->  x and y belong to A).  So, yeah.  Short hair suits me much more than longer hair seems to.

Day 39: 4/13/05: 6:24AM  you've cut off the flute from the throat of the loon.  at least when you cry now he can't even hear you. -Tori Amos

    Yesterday was mega awesome, for it was a day of whiffleball with the Math Club!  I actually hit the ball at least 50% of the times it was thrown at me...most of those hits were foul balls, but, still, rock on to me.  That's a massive improvement from 5th grade.  It was a huge 5th grade softball game, to which all parents were invited.  I think my mom was actually there, too.  But, yeah, there was no way we could strike out due to an excess of fouls...so I just kept swinging...it was kind of mortifying.  So, yeah, it was pretty cool to find myself able to hit the ball, even if it was generally to the extreme left...hahaha.  I'm seriously saddened that many members of the Math Club will be graduating in May, but I guess that such is life.  People come and go, passing in and out of your life...or Math Club.  

    Today I am going to Washington D.C. to visit the Holocaust Museum and the Goethe Institute with the German Club!  I am extremely pumped!  

Day 42: 4/16/05: 6:31PM  i don't want it, i just need it, to breathe, to feel, to know i'm alive -Tool

    Washington D.C. was really awesome.  I think I had actually been to the Holocaust Museum before Wednesday, but I just didn't remember it.  This past time was the second time I'd ever been to D.C., so I pretty much had no sense of direction the first time.  It was quite beautiful out with all of the cherry trees in bloom.

    I'm taking my PRAXIS exams in an hour.  For those who don't know, the PRAXIS exams (at least the first three sections to be taken together) are like the SAT's for those who wish to get their teaching certification.  I don't think that I want to teach at the high school level anymore, but I decided that after it was too late to get my money refunded and simply not take the tests...so, I'm taking them, anyway.  I think it's probably good to have them out of the way in case way later I want to teach high school.  Perhaps.

    Oddly enough, the reason I am updating is to remark upon the "malodor counteractant" in the girl's bathroom. It's an aerosol can of smelly stuff that is supposed to neutralize unsavory odors, but it just smells bad.  It struck me as ultra-funny that the technical name for it is "malodor counteractant."  Yeah, I'm a dork.

6:25PM  

    I took the PRAXIS, and, so as to eliminate any trace of doubt from the reader's mind, it definitely sucked.  I don't think I did very well on the writing, at least, I think my essay sucked.  It was lame.  At least I don't really need the PRAXIS anymore; I am planning on going to graduate school and becoming a college professor of math (sweet!).

Day 1: 4/17/05: 1:28PM  

 
Which Personality Disorder Do You Have?
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Day 3: 4/19/05: 6:48PM  do not be afraid, i promise that she will awake tomorrow, somewhere tomorrow.  -Tori Amos

    I love Tori Amos...but not as much as I love Cygnet's!  Just kidding...I must go work...

Day 4: 4/20/05: 7:29AM  jagged pulp sliced in my veins, i write to remember  -At the Drive In

    As far as this count goes, I was thinking of taking it down since I'm obviously not showing the constraint that I wanted to at the beginning of the year, but now I think I'll keep it updated.  I don't really know what's for me at the moment, but I do know that I don't want to fuck up my body too much, so there's always that tidbit of certainty.

    I've been ravenously busy with school work and loafing.

Day 6: 4/22/05: 10:41AM  living so free is a tragedy when you can't be what you want to be - Powerman 5000

    Hmm.  Hmmm.  I'm probably going to Germany next semester.  It has yet to really "hit me," as they say.  I really need to call Weis at home and be like, "Please rehire me...we do what works for you...ahhhhahhhahhhh..."

    The other day I was pushing the bakery cart back to the kitchen the other week, and it was in need of oil or fixing.  The cart was making a really creepy, squeaky noise.  It reminded me of the cry of mother dinosaur/monster that can't find it's child.  Kind of like a viloso raptor or something.  Anyway, the longer I heard the sound, the sadder I got and the closer I came to crying.  It was really weird.  I thought, "If that was my mom, she wouldn't mourn my loss..."  Seriously, it was fucked up.  Squeaky bakery carts should not pull at the strings of my heart like that.  I have to work.  God, I'm seriously messed up.

Day 9: 4/24/05:  7:19AM  don't give me that bullshit, you know who i am.  i'm your nightmare, little man.  think you stole my lunch money, made me cry.  -Ben Folds

    Last night I saw Ben Folds.  Holy crap, it rocked immensely.  I can't get over it.  Shannon and her friends Sarah, Jamie, and Lynn came.  Shannon and I were on groove overload.  This is one of the many reasons why my sister is the best big sister ever:  she'll groove me whenever, where ever.  Ben Folds played some stuff from his new album but also played some older stuff.  He opened up his show with The Inbetween Days by the Cure!  It was so awesome!!!!  I almost shat myself!  

4/30/05: 10:44AM  love in an elevator, livin' it up while i'm goin' dowoowooowoowowowowownnn -Aerosmith

    Last night I went to a math party!   Hahahah.  I know, I know, I'm such a nerd!  It was a lot of fun.  Baxter gave me his German 101/102 book and an abstract math book!  I'm pumped to dig into those this summer.  There's an Earth Day celebration on campus somewhere today, so I'm going to go check that out.

5/2/05: 6:31AM  so if you wanna see the world with me, let's go.  -Dar Williams

    The Earth Day thing rocked immensely.  I got to whip out my intense groove moves, yet again.  This time it was with two people from my Environment and Resources class.  We grooved to the band that was playing there at the time.  There were several bands there, none of them being similar to the one before, which really rocked.  I had so much fun.  I think that getting a weekly dose of groove would be very therapeutic for me.  I was repressing the groove for a while there, and in turn repressing who I really am.  Who cares if people stare?  I don't exist to fit into their nice, neat, little molds and conceptions of "normal."  I don't care.  I don't care!

    Cygnet's waits for no one, so I must go.

5/3/05: 6:19AM  Annie waits for the last time, just the same as the last time. -Ben Folds

    Lately waking up at 6AM isn't sucking quite as much due to the fact that I've been doing some serious napping in the day.  It really rocks, not being so tired that my skull could cave in on my brain and I wouldn't notice.  The only draw back is that this makes me way more spacey for a greater chunk of the day.  Also, I feel like I have a tapeworm, except that this kind of tapeworm sports a chef's hat, as it is making food instead of taking sustenance away from my intestines.  Umm...so, yes.  Maybe I should take less naps.

    Sunday morning I went to take a shower, but upon moving the shower nozzle, it fell off, and a pointy stream of water rained fire down upon me.  So then I tried to put it back on, but the same reign of terror took place after turning the water back on.  So then I went to the other semi-cool shower stall, but the light was busted in that one.  I do a lot of stupid, hazardous things, but running water near broken electrical fixtures isn't one of them.  So then I had no choice but to bathe in the smelly handicapped stall.  It's smelly because of the rotting vinyl/leather/whatever bench that is in the stall, not because handicapped people use it.  Anyway, the outer curtain is ripped down and the little plastic stool that is normally there so as to place one's clothes and things is gone.  Needless to say, it was an interesting shower, from both spectator/participant perspectives.  For this reason I have decided not to bathe until I get home on Thursday.  So...yeah.  Wish me luck.  Or hope that you don't have to talk to me or stand by me as Thursday approaches.  Of course, if I decide to work out at the gym, I'll give in and bathe in the smelly stall, but, then again, I can be surprisingly unmotivated to work out, especially when there is studying to be done.

    I have three more finals to go.  Wish me luck or maybe at least an interesting/gruesome death.  Like being eaten by zombies...or being pogo-sticked to death by a leprechaun.

5/7/05: 5:45AM  It's just not me to wear it on my sleeve.  -Jimmy Eat World

    For some reason I cannot sleep.  It's rare that I'm not overwhelmingly tired.  I was pretty tired when I went to sleep, though...actually, I'm still pretty tired, and I wish I could sleep.  I think I'll play that bookworm game that Jill got me addicted to.  Jill is to Yahoo Games as a dealer is to drugs.  

5/8/05: 1:26PM  the fashion victims chew their charcoal teeth -The Smashing Pumpkins

    My little brother is over right now watching Vampire Hunter D: Bloodlust.  I'm such an awesome sister, letting my little brother watch this.  Today is his birthday; he turns 13.  I know he's not a little kid anymore. I mean, he can go see PG-13 movies, and if that's not a benchmark in maturity, then I don't know what is.  I got some hours at Weis next week (24, to be exact!).  I'm very excited to be working, again, as opposed to just loafing all day.

5/10/05: 10:24PM  now we are allowed to think, now we are allowed to feel lust without cute, boring love  -Blindside

    I haven't been up to much.  I've been Weis-ing it up, mostly.  My mother and I attended Kelsey's last middle school chorus concert ever!  Ever!  She and Michael both are getting so old!  I can't believe it!  When I was watching Kelsey on stage, I noticed how much more, umm, "developed" she was as compared to her peers on stage.  Then I finally began to understand what people think when they see me.  Kelsey has a discernable ass, though, so I guess she's just curvy all over.  Awww!  Michael's back got broader since last I saw him (March), and that weirded me out, but I'm glad that he's growing, too.  Horray for growth!  I'd like to think that everything stopped growing after I turned 11, but I did get much of my bustiness after that benchmark, like Kelsey.  I still have no butt, though.  Maybe it got lost in the mail.  I should ask to have another one shipped, just in case.  Hahaha.

5/15/05: 10:06PM  you say i have turned like the enemies you've earned, but i can remember all the good things you are -A Perfect Circle

    That's not really by A Perfect Circle; it's on Emotive, their newest album.  It has a bunch of remakes, so I guess it's a remake, but I don't know who did it originally.  This song makes me inexplicably weak.  I don't know why, though.  Sometimes I get like this, and by "this," I mean triggered by what normally doesn't phase me.  I have something I want to express, so badly that I feel that I need to express it, but I don't know how to do that, for I don't even know what it is I want to express.  I can only describe it as wanting to smear my organs all over the walls of my room.  Not literally, but I feel that it's a great metaphor for how I'm feeling and the magnitude of what it is I wish to express.  It's not dancing in a field; it's something more brutal.  Who knows?

5/16/05: 1:50PM  sometimes it's faded, assassinated, the fear of growing old -Placebo

    Yesterday I got to hang out with Shannon, which rocked a lot.  We ate dinner with Michael, whom I just hung out with last week for his birthday, but it was still awesome.  I saw The Hitchhikers Guide to the Galaxy with Shannon, as well.  I have never read the books, but I've always wanted to.  Now I have more incentive to do so.

5/18/05: 8:24AM  my sweet revenge will be yours for the taking, it's in the making -System of a Down

    The new System album came out.  It is so awesome.  It makes me want to listen to System, again, a band for which I haven't really been in the mood for quite a while.  I knew I'd come around and crave them soon enough.  

    Tonight will undoubtedly awesome, for Holly, Jimothy, and I are going to see Star Wars: Episode III - Revenge of the Sith.  Not only will we be going to the midnight showing, but Holly and I will be sporting Star-Wars hair.  That's right.  Although Holly's hair is not long enough to braid into Leia buns, but I can still get into relatively large buns that come down by her ears, so that will totally rock.  My hair, which is pretty short at this point, will be fashioned in the style of padawan Obi Wan Kenobi.  Holly and I bought one of those creepy fake-hair accessories at Claire's.  It was meant to be slipped over a hair bun or something, but it's hideous.  It had braids coming out of it that had seashells glued to each one.  Eww.  We cut one of the braids off it and removed to weirdo seashell.  We also managed to fashion a Jedi ponytail from it.  The fake hair is a slightly lighter color, but, hey, I'm not so dorky so as to be insanely peeved by the fact that people will probably be able to guess that the ponytail and braid are fake and that I haven't actually been growing a rattail and pony tail for the past 10 months in preparation for the third Star Wars film.  I do encourage dorkiness but, at the same time, do not try to be more dorky than I can be.  

    I'm actually not that dorky but way nerdy.  I expend the most energy on nerdiness, by far.  If you know how much I love math, then you can imagine how consuming that can be.  That's not to say that loving math is a chore or that it is exhausting but that I can only dedicate so much to anything else when I already have something to which I am completely and wholly devoted.

5/21/05: 6:12AM  visions of pills that put you in a loving trance, that make it possible for all white boys to dance -Ben Folds

    I’m actually typing this up in Word, since Frontpage won’t work for some reason.  You won’t really know the difference, as I won’t be able to update this page until Frontpage is working again.

    Star Wars totally rocked! 

    I’ve been keeping busy with work, mostly.  I don’t really have time to update the Weis page, though.  Seriously.  No time.  Man.  Well, I must prepare for work.  Ehhhhk.

5/22/05: 6:16PM  stick around, nostalgia won't let you down -Jimmy Eat World

    I've been working, like I said yesterday.  Also, I've been really tired.  I feel drained and in need of a nap.  I think I'll go running, though, as that usually makes me feel less like a useless, simmering pile of shit.

5/27/05: 6:59PM  the veins support blood that gushes possibly towards the triumph of a heart -Bjork

    Today I worked 8.5 hours.  It was not too bad.  Read about it on the Weis website, my beloved maggots.

    I feel like getting up and running or something, but then the other part of me says, "No, Sherry, you should just hang out and crochet and watch movies and eat lots of junk food.  Since I have yet to go for a run, I'm guessing the latter part of Sherry will get her way.  It pacifies Productive/Athletic Sherry by reminding her that Shannon and I are to go running tomorrow morning before work.

    I really want to make Shannon a mix, but I'm not sure if I have enough songs.  Perhaps I can do that tonight.

    I haven't been writing in my notebook lately.  The last time I did (maybe two weeks ago) it was a little startling.  I just spewed a poem out and have no idea where it came from.  Well, I do know where it came from, but it articulated a feeling that I had not been able to explore until then, so it was unsettling to look back at something that was vague, in the shadows of my head.  I guess I should do that tonight, too.  I don't want to lose touch with my notebook like I have with other forms of written thought that I've started.  It helps me collect my thoughts; even if they don't make sense, they are at least on paper, somehow more concrete than they were floating around in my brain.  So I guess I'll do that now.

7/13/05: 8:24AM  God knows i know i've thrown away those graces -Tori Amos

    Why, yes, I do know that it has been a great while since I last updated my beloved jewel, a chunk in the rough, so to speak.  The only explanation I can offer is that my computer has been laboriously slow for the past month or so.  It turns out there were two programs constantly running on my computer that expended lots of CPU memory...or something to that effect.  Basically, my computer was so honkin' slow because it was spending all of its time running and executing programs that I didn't even use.  One of them was part of Real Player (which I don't use ever) and the other program was something that I had never seen nor heard of before, but I guess my dad "disabled" it, because now my computer is absolutely fine, for the most part.  I don't have the internet, though, so there's no telling when this update will be visible to others besides those who have access to my computer, The Beast.

    You haven't really missed much in my life, though.  I basically work at Weis a lot, and when I'm not there, I'm at karate, helping out or actually attending class (amazing, I know!), and when I'm not at either of these places, I'm either asleep or socializing.  Socializing is at the bottom of the "what is Sherry currently doing" flowchart, for I am often so tired that I can barely stand.  Rock on!

    When I do socialize, though, it rocks.  I've gotten to see lots of my Lizunyin and Laura!  Often we play hacky sack and pretty much suck at it.  Liz is the master of our group.  Laura and I are improving, though.  The other day, I bought a used scanner for $2 at Salvation Army.  It's kind of like a box of chocolates...I have no clue if it'll work or not.  Oooooo!  Excitement!

___________________________________________________________

1/16/06: 11:24AM  this state of emergency, how beautiful to be.

    Yay, the Chunk!!!  How I have missed you!  It was so horrible having to resort to blogging through myspace.  Ugh.  I can't stand it.  Too bad my computer won't connect to the internet.

1/26/06: 5:52PM  turn me back into the pet i was when we met; i was happier then with no mindset. -The Shins

    So, yeah, I'm back for real, this time.  I have so much homework for my courses this semester, and I would have let you know that I got to school ok and everything, had it not been for the fact that my computer couldn't connect to MU's network due to some Window's update shit/madness.  I guess I was supposed to be downloading the updates, but, because my computer hasn't been connected to the internet since the 2nd week of May, I don't know when I was supposed to do this.  Oh, well.  I got my Beastette back after a week of sadness and worry.  She had to be restored I guess.  I don't really know a lot about computers, and, despite this experience, I still do not feel compelled to pick up a LINUX book and read up on FreeBSD or whatever...sorry Philipp.

    Oh, yeah, I was in Germany from September to mid-December.  I'll probably make a page about that whole Erfahrung when I get the time.  Definitely not anytime this week.  There's simply too much math that evokes my attention and devotion.  Umm, yeah.

    I got a job doing the math tutoring thang.  Thank goodness.  I worked a shift at Cygnet's, but only to realize that I was supposed to have class during that time.  Hahahah.  Oh well, it was lesson learned, I suppose.

    I'll ramble more later, for, now I must go tutor!

1/27/06: 9:22AM  we looked like Giants in the back of my gray sub-compact -Death Cab for Cutie

    I should be doing O.D.E. homework, but, look, it would seem that I am procrastinating, as per usual.

    Learning the German language has messed up my English.  Zum Beispiel, I'll randomly capitalize nouns, and won't realize for quite some time.  Then, when I finally do, I'm like, "oh, yeah, I'm writing English...but, yeah, the Germans were probably right about this grammar rule...I think I'll just let it go..."  I'm apauled at my apathy for the rules of the English language these days.

4:58PM  if you leave it alone, it might just happen anyway -Björk

    Woah.  I am so drained.  I think I don't want to do anymore math today, or at least right now.  I drink like 3 cups of coffee a day.  It seems that this has no effect on me, and, so, I might have to resort to cocaine or speed to keep my mind active...just kidding, obviously, but, still, I need to figure out how to manage my time better, at least, so that I'm not spending valuable sleep time on homework and studying.  I get kind of worried at the fact that this might involve being less social than I already am.  Not that I'm completely antisocial, it's just that I spend much of my time studying/doing homework already.  There are moments when I loaf, not even to my benefit.  It's not like I'm watching a movie or doing anything to lighten my heart; usually I'm just cutting my toenails or something like that.  I haven't bathed since Tuesday because I haven't observed a time frame that I deemed worthy of expending on a shower.  Seriously.  That's like half an hour until I'm done being unclothed/clothed/re-deodorized.  So, yes, this is my dilemma.  Oh, well.  This happens at least once a year for me, and I guess it has something to do with the fact that I did very little schoolwork while I was in Germany as compared to my normal academic work load.  In addition, this semester is more work than my other semesters at MU, so, logically, I feel like the walls might be caving in.  But, yeah, I'm Sherry, so I'm sure it'll work out to be fine in the end.

1/29/06: 12:40AM  we stay untouchable and strange -Slut

    I first heard about Slut through my friend Justin from Iowa.  Slut is a German band, but they totally sound British.  It's crazy. Maybe British people would say that they don't sound completely British, but I'm not British, so I can only offer this opinion as an American, and you can take it for what it is.

    That kind of reminds me of how British Philipp sounded whenever he talked in English.  That was crazy.  One time he said that he could tell that talking with me fucked up his British accent.  Hahaha.  I miss Philipp and his toast-eating capabilities.  For the past week, I've been trying to install an instant messaging program that he has called Jabber.  It combines a bunch of instant messaging programs into one, or something.  The point is that I'm having trouble figuring out what all I need to make the program work.  I'm pretty bad at computery things, and, even though I already asked Philipp what I'm supposed to do, I'll have to harass him, again, because I have no idea what I'm supposed to do and I really want to talk to him somehow.

    This morning I felt really sad/shitty.  I felt like I might be doomed to wonder the planet, never to be understood completely.  I know I'm weird or whatever, but I'm simply tired of having to explain myself.  My feelings probably weren't entirely warranted; Liz understands me, but she's not here.  Sarap and Holly understand me, too, but still I felt isolated.  Oh, well.  I'll get over it.

    Today I got to hang out with Mel today, which was cool.  It was really awesome to catch up and everything.  She got her lip pierced, and I got to hold the clamps and be the "nurse," as the cool/semi-creepy piercer dude referred to it.

    I'm sleepy and lame.  Good night.

1/31/06: 11:37AM  you said that you'd take it as long as i could.  i could not erase it. -Tori Amos

    Today is Holly's birthday!  Happy birthday, Chinchilla!

    I think I might be developing a cold.  I first noticed it this morning.  I had gone down to the rec room to get some homework done because my roommate was asleep in our room, and I did not want to disturb her.  As I walked into the room, the custodian lady was in there watching Jerry Springer.  I said hello to her and was sure to be polite, but she just gave me this look like, "What the fuck are you doing down here?  What kind of nerd does her homework at 9:15 in the morning?"  Hahaha.  I do.  But, anyway.  After I had been down there for five or ten minutes, I began to feel really sneezy.  I tried plugging my nose whenever I felt a sneeze coming on so as not to disrupt the custodian woman's.  Finally I just got so backed up with snot that I couldn't stand it.  Since then I've been blowing my nose every half hour and feeling kind of chilly and cold-like.  I'll know that doom is my fate if my throat starts to feel tickly.

    I miss Germany and military time and writing the date backwards (or not writing it backwards, depending on what one considers to be backwards).

2/3/06: 12:01 AM  everything that's keeping me together is falling apart -Modest Mouse

    Today was really busy.  It wasn't that I had a lot of places to be (physics seminar, physics recitation, math tutoring), but I spent almost all of the time before and after my classes studying for my physics exam tomorrow (Ich habe viel Angst fuer das...), reading about light for my physics seminar presentation next week (I'm researching optical illusions, which I think seems really fascinating), and doing my O.D.E. worksheet.  I just finished my Linear Algebra homework, but I'm pretty beat, so I couldn't really add at all, which made solving systems of equations almost undoable.  Woah.  Is that really how one spells "undoable?"  Holy shit.  It looks wrong, like I made up that spelling...or made up the word.  But.  It must be a word because my delightful spellchecker didn't throw a fit in the form of a squiggly, red line.

    Umm, this is ridiculous.  I'm sleeping.

2/6/06: 12:05AM  lay me down. the light will unfurl. lay me down to crawl. -Placebo

    This weekend was pretty lacking in productivity, which was the plan.  Natalie came to Millersville, and from there we drove to Williamsport to see an art exhibit that Liz had at a CD there.  We got lost a lot and almost didn't make it in time, but, thank God, we got there in time and were able to see Liz's awesome drawings, photographs, and paintings and tell her how much she rocks.  Then Natalie, Liz, Liz's boyfriend Matt, and I went to a nearby Denny's and chilled.  Natalie and I got back to Millersville at roughly 2AM.  It was really awesome getting to see Natalie and Liz (and Laura, even though she had to leave shortly after 9pm).  Natalie and I got to have a slumber party, and, even though we were way too tired to watch a movie, eat popcorn, or have me overdose on soda, we still got to stay up late and talk after we'd turned out the lights.  It reminded me of old times, back in middle school.  It really was a wonderful time.

    On Saturday morning, Natalie went back home, and I went to see Holly and Trish in the Vagina Monologues with Britany and Holly's mom.  I had already seen it last year, but it was still cool, especially since Holly and Trish were in it this year.

    I think a bug just crawled across my desk, but this is only a suspicion.

    Lately I've been pretty down and not really myself at all.  Maybe this is going to be an annual thing.  I mean, last school year at around October, I felt kind of like this.  Maybe it was delayed because of being in Germany.  Now that I'm back, though, I'm feeling all of these things that I really didn't expect.  Part of me feels empty, like I left it behind in Germany.  It's so dumb, though, because I really can't live there.  It's also dumb because I would feel incomplete in a different way if I were to have stayed in Germany instead of returning to America in December.  It all goes back to feeling misunderstood and feeling that I'm kind of on the outside when it comes to...oh, I don't know.  I feel like I'm getting weirder and that I'm drifting further away from normalcy than I was a year or two ago.  I feel like people I used to talk to and relate to (this doesn't apply to any of my close friends) don't get me anymore or maybe never understood me from the beginning, and I'm just now realizing it.  I don't know if I'd be feeling this way to the degree which I do if I had never gone to Germany.  I mean, people at Marburg just didn't give a shit.  Girls walked around with half of their heads shaved like it was totally normal, and nobody seemed to care.  It was so awesome.  I didn't have to even acknowledge that people were gawking at my clothes because (can you believe it?) they really weren't.  Nobody cared.  Nobody thought I was a lesbian because my hair was short.  Nobody cared that my plaids didn't match.  They just didn't care.  Maybe they understood that what people look like is inconsequential.  Of course, this is Millersville.  So, of course, the majority of people here can't get over that kind of shit, so they just don't get it.  They get hung up on all of this stupid shit.  And, to top it all off, they don't even understand me on the levels that do actually matter.  I can't help it; it's just how my brain works. I don't know how else to explain things or express my thoughts or have the the thoughts that I do other than how I've been doing it since 8th grade when I stopped caring about what people thought.  And even if I could go back to stifling myself, I wouldn't want to.  I can't change what I am, and suppressing it makes me feel pretty lost and dead, just like I did when I moved to Bumblefuck, Pennsylvania and people just couldn't get over whatever it was about me that hung them up.  In conclusion, fuck you.  Just leave me the fuck alone.  And fuck you for being a huge stoner who's too stoned to talk to me.  Seriously, if you can't deal with reality because it's "too boring" for you, then fuck you because that's the lamest shit I've ever heard.  You've probably just smoked too much pot to notice the things in life that actually are exciting.  I honestly think that it has more to do with a weakness in your character that I chose to ignore, even when I could see it plain as day.  I don't really feel bad saying this because a) it's true, and b) reading this would involve you being sober enough to get the fuck off your ass and read this shit.  I mean, this paragraph is pretty long, and, if you were high, I doubt you'd make it this far through.  Yes, in conclusion, fuck you.

    Wow, that was awesome and profane.  I hope little kids weren't reading it. 

2/7/06: 11:03AM  every nerve that hurts you heal deep inside of me -Björk

    I've been insanely busy, like always, and feeling rather worn out because of it.  Today I got back to my room and saw, to my delight, that Austin had left me a little message on AIM:

Mithrandir357 (8:34:54 AM): i would just like to say that your website made me laugh almost hard enough to cry...open it up and "welcome to the chunk" and theres a pic of whatever that thing is, one of your food faces...miss you a lot and wish you were here

    It made me so happy that I almost cried.  It's been rough, lately.  I just haven't felt like myself at all.  It really was wonderful to receive such a message.  Thanks for making my day, Austin!

    That's it.  Anything else worthy of mention will have to wait, for I don't have the time.

2/9/06: 8:49AM  i'm praying for rain. i'm praying for tidal waves. -Tool   

    So, here's what's up with me...today I have to give a presentation for my honors Physics seminar about optical illusions.  I think it'd be funny if I went there and started talking about optical allusions, instead...not that I really know of any optical allusions.  Like, maybe if an eyeball started talking about David and Goliath or something...hahaha.  And then Dr. Nolan would interject with, "Excuse me, but I'm not seeing the correlation between David and Goliath and the angle of incidence," and then I could look all confused, and then exclaim, "Ohhhhh!  I thought I was supposed to report on optical allusions...hahaha...oops."

    Then I have a quiz in my Physics recitation....  mehhh.

2/12/06: 10:16PM  'cause quitting alone will never get you dry -Jimmy Eat World

Even though I'm sure I've already said it at some point, I love Jimmy Eat World.  So delightful!  Futures is so awesome.  Shannon got it for me for Christmas, and I don't know what I'd do without it.  How did I live before I could listen to it all of the time?  Hmm.  I can't fathom it, really.     I want to apologize to anyone who might have been offended by my little rant a few days ago.  Bitching isn't very constructive; it just helps sometimes.  At least that way I can get it out of my system somehow.     I had my first Linear Algebra exam this past Friday.  It didn't go as well as I had wanted it to, but, yeah, such is life.  My Physics quiz went better, and my presentation went well, too.  I had note cards and everything.  I even tried to look less like an old man than I normally do.  That's right, I wore khakis instead of plaid, golfer pants and a cute, stripey sweater instead of some weird, little-boy shirt.       But, yeah, instead of loafing, I should get some more work done.  While I'm doing that, you can look at this bitchin' pic of my bitchin' brother sporting a bitchin' hair-do that I crafted upon his bitchin', little Boohead.

2/15/06: 5:29PM  i'm so bored of cowards who say they want then they can't handle. -Björk

    Not much is up.  I've been really busy.  I did kind of crappily on my Linear Algebra quiz, but, egal, I'm not too bothered, since even I am allowed to have less-than-perfect grades.  Such is the imperfection of humanity.

    My little sister IMed me, so now I know that she's not shooting up in some gutter in South Carolina.  She seems to be doing pretty well, which is awesome, because I love my little Kelseycutes.

    Umm, dinner and then off to tutoring!

2/26/06: 8:48PM  you're livin in your own private Idaho, underground like a wild potato -The B52's

    Everyone has a favorite David; mine is David Duchovny...Holly's is David Hasselhoff:

http://www.knight-foundation.com/index.html

    I'm just letting you know that I haven't imploded, yet.  Also, I can't wait to see Shannon and Spring Break!

    Oh yeah, I showed Felix the above picture of my little brother, and he noticed the underpants in the background which are tacked to the wall...It makes me wonder if everyone notices them, too, when they look at this picture.  I might as well stop keeping people in the dark, if they are indeed wondering about the underpants as Felix was.

    Well, one day, I was around 14-years-old, I was rooting around in my underwear drawer in hopes of finding some clean underwear.  So, I see the pair of underwear and think, "Thank goodness, at least I still have an old, granny pair of underwear."  That's when I noticed that someone had painted on them.  No, not only had someone painted on my underpants, but the person had painted a word which looked to be "spank" and then proceded to put the underwear back in my drawer.  Of course, Shannon was the only person that would have done this, so I marched over to her room, vandalized pair of underwear in my hand, and yelled, "Hey, why'd you paint the word 'spank' on my underwear and then put it back in my drawer?!"

    "Hahhaah, no.  It says 'spork,' not 'spank,.'" she replied.

3/3/06: 11:18PM  my life is not mine, like a dog or a wife. -Rasputina

    So this week was mathy and busy.  I didn't do as well as I had wanted to on my Physics exam, but I did pretty sweetly on my O.D.E. exam, so I guess it all comes full circle.  I'm really tired, and my brain doesn't know what to say, so I think I'll just end it here.

3/4/06: 7:46PM  i am not so serious.  this passion is a plagiarism. -The Dresden Dolls

    I suspect that this entry will be nothing more than a huge rant.  I'm kind of peeved.  I lied; I'm very peeved, perhaps even pissed off.  While I was in Germany, I was in a class for which I had to do a presentation on terrorism with eight or nine other students, one of which was from America, the remaining students being from Germany.  The presentation went pretty well, but we also have to write a paper on our topic.  The semester in Germany doesn't end until the end of this month, so I'm working on the paper currently.  Having already done the research for my portion of the paper while in Germany, I thought that it would simply be a matter or putting my research together.  I was told to write the introduction to the paper and provide a definition of terrorism, which is pretty difficult because there is no unified definition, so I pretty much talked about this fact and provided some information on the commonalities of different definitions.  The other person in our group from America was supposed to write his piece of the paper on guerilla warfare and the fact that this doesn't technically constitute as terrorism.  He was supposed to go to Cairo shortly after he left Germany, so he was going to be really busy with other junk.  I suggested that he send me his research and that I'd put it into paper form and conjoin it with my part of the paper somehow.  I really didn't mind.

    Unfortunately, the students in Germany just last week received a rubric on the proper format of the paper, and it is nothing like how we had suspected it would be.  So then the people in my group from Germany were like, "Ok, you and Rob can write a short analysis on the conflict of terrorism."  Of course that is kind of ridiculous because Rob lives in Missouri, and, even though he ended up not going to Cairo, he's probably still busy with other things and consequently checks his email like once a month.  So, how on Earth could I possibly collaborate with him on this?  Second of all, I'm mega busy, being right in the  middle of a semester, unlike the German students who are pretty much done with classes and are just working on final projects.  I emailed them and told them this, and they were really cool about it.  They were like, "Don't worry about it, just write what you were going to write, and we'll try to fit into the paper."  I think that was really awesome of them.

    However, there now exists a new problem.  The dude from America sent me his research on guerilla warfare, and I really can't turn it into a paper without doing more way more research.  For one thing, he provided no sources.  Second of all, it's in vague, powerpoint-notes form, so, even if I just sent it in paragraph form to the German students and was like, "Yeah, there are no sources...I don't know what to do about this," I really have no idea what the notes are talking about most of the time.  It's all mega-specifics about various Guerilla Warfare strategists or whatever they would be called.  Also, because they are powerpoint notes, he probably filled in a bunch of the holes when he was presenting this (he did this research for some presentation he did a year or so ago), so it's basically just quotes and things that remind him to talk about things.  So.  What am I supposed to do?  I don't know.  I don't want to email them and be all whiney about it, knowing that they have things to do for this paper, too.  It's not fair to them to put it on them, but, at the same time, I really don't have time to research this.  A brief analysis on terrorism.  Seriously, I've been looking online for things to help me, and everything is a billion pages long and lacking in sources, so I can't really use it.  This means that I will have to go to the library and research it that way.  This makes me want to cry, because I really don't have time for this.

    So, that was my huge rant.  I feel a little better, but I still dont' know what I'm going to do about this.  I think I will submit my portion of the paper (the definition of terrorism part) with some other things added on that will be my feeble attempt at an analysis of the conflict of terrorism, and send them the dude's notes and be like, "I don't know what to do with his notes."

    Ok, I'm going to order some food and watch a movie or do some math homework.  Seriously, I've been really stressed about my homework for my major, but, seriously, having to research this terrorism paper makes me remember why I'm a math major- because I love math and, even though it's a lot of work, I'm interested in everything I have to do for my classes.  Got.  Sei.  Dank..

3/5/06: 7:51PM  send you a boy that you could waste, a little piece of heaven to set you straight. - The Smashing Pumpkins

    I'm so sluggish today.  I hope a moon devil will possess me and fill me with life sometime soon.  I need it.  I need the moon devil more than you know.

    I can't wait until spring break waltzes into my life and allows me to let my apathy run free, pissing on whatever tree that it sees fit.  I keep having to tell myself that I really do care about things, but, really, I don't at the moment.

    I can't wait to see Laura and her rock-hard abs.  I can't wait to see Sarap and Tinaw and discuss powerpoint presentations.  I can't wait, but I guess I'll have to, regardless.

3/8/06: 6:59AM  a billion thoughts expressed as one, etched in words across the sun. -Steve Burns

    So apparently I've been spelling "regardless" incorrectly sine the dawning of time...or, at least, since the dawning of my knowledge of the existence of the word.  Oh, well.  I'm going to go do math homework!

3/30/06: 9:55AM  legs are cracking sideways.  hit me from the backside. -Dresden Dolls

    Just so you know, I didn't fall off the math bus or anything; I've just been really busy.  The weather is sunny, again!  If I wanted to live somewhere where it was cloudy all the time, I'd move to Germany.  Hahahaa

    Oh, yeah!  After this semester ends, I'm visiting Marburg for 2 weeks!  I'm so excited!!!!!  I mean, despite the clouds, Marburg is delightful!!!!  I'll be staying with Nika!!!  Holy crap, it's gonna rock!!!!!

4/2/06: 1:02AM  she ate me up for breakfast and screwed me in a vice -Radiohead

    Ahh, Radiohead.  How I have missed them!  How I have longed for them and not even known it.  It's like seeing an old friend from long ago.

    Tonight I saw V for Vendetta.  It was amazing, and I recommend that, if you are cool, you should see it, too. 

4/4/06: 11:23PM  i'm not sure who's fooling who here as i'm watching your decay -Tori Amos

    I feel kind of disgusted right now- partly at others and partly at myself. I guess I just didn't expect people to still be like this.  Yeah, as fun and bonding as making fun of others can be, it's horrible and destructive.  Yes, I make fun of people, too, so I, too, am to blame.  Even if I can justify it, it doesn't make it right.  Tonight I think I sank to a low I haven't been at since middle school, though.  It got me thinking.  Why did I join in when I knew it was wrong and I knew that what was being said was only slightly shy of ruthless?  I really wanted to tell them off, or at least not say anything at all, but, for some reason, I joined in.  I've been thinking about it, over and over.  Why do I want certain people to accept me, when, to be honest, I don't want to be friends with people so mean.  I guess I should stress that there are some people who say/do mean things because they think that's what's expected of them, even though they know that what they are doing is wrong, and then there are people who just are mean.  It's hard to tell who is who sometimes. I guess it doesn't really matter as long as those who really do have good hearts are able to mature sooner or later.  I don't know.  I just want to cry.

4/5/06: 9:16AM  carbon made only wants to be unmade -Tori Amos

    I feel like a piece of rock might when the final blow of hammer to chisel that will lead to an ultimate shattering and splintering has just taken place. I can't say for certain that I will be broken soon, but I feel myself coming undone.  What is wrong?  Nothing really.  Everything.  Right after the hemorrhaging occurs, it takes a little time before one knows where he is headed.  There is a point, though, when he can feel that something isn't right.  If I could put all of my thoughts down on post-its and arrange them into a meaningful order, it'd probably be beneficial, but every time I try to think and sort it out, I just feel waves of hopelessness that pass through me at intervals, strengthening with every pulse.  I feel shaky and unsteady, as if all that I need to collapse into tiny pieces is a gust of wind, passing by chance.  I feel that I should be isolated and contained to prevent this from happening, but the day will not allow for such seclusion.  

4/6/06: 9:56PM  Satan's in the living room choking me with apathy -Eve 6

    I feel much better than I did yesterday.  Just so you know, I didn't throw myself in front of a bus; I would never do that with a trip to Germany in my future!

4/25/06: 12:29PM  this thing you call love, she smiles way too much -Tori Amos

    Umm...less than 3 (not to be confused with <3) days until Germany!  Yay!  Umm...was noch...oh, yeah, I've been feeling better lately.  I got a cold from Holly that gave way to some of the most viscous mucus I've ever housed inside my sinuses.  It's dying down, though.  I went through 1.5 boxes of tissues, and then I decided to stop wasting money, so now I steal toilet paper rolls from the bathrooms in the science building.  People are like, "How can you stand the harsh toilet paper?" and I mumble something about being a weathered veteran of the cold virus.  Hahahaha.

    Also, I did really well on my last two tests, which also contributes to me not feeling bummy and down.  Furthermore, I just had lots of things to sort through.  I think I had to come to terms with some things that kind of hit me hard when I first realized them as things in my life.  It's a lot of things that you wouldn't understand if I actually told you, so just rest assured that I don't feel like a splintering rock, anymore.

    AND I love my other 1/2slinn.

5/5/06: 9:55PM  i've got to fold 'cause these hands are too shaky to hold -Fiona Apple

    That song, "Paper Bag" by Fiona Apple, is always in my head, like a haunting specter.  Sooo gooood.

    Finals week is next week, and I think that I'll do ok if I stay focused and study my brains out.  Afterwards, though, I will probably be disoriented and temporarily creepy...in a different way than I normally am.

    Oh, I definitely meant to say "weeks" and not "days" in reference to how long it will be until I'm going to Germany.  Yeah...I wish I was in Germany now, but, alas, I am in PA.  Hahaha.  PA.

    Something really funny happened that I feel like sharing, after all, "share" makes up half of my name...phonetically, anyway.  So, yes, on with the anecdote.  When I gave Holly dreads a few months ago, we needed a metal comb, so we purchased a lice-removal kit, because they all have metal combs so as to efficiently comb out the little lice bastards dwelling within a given set of hair.  Well, because we only needed the comb, I was left with the remainder of the lice-removal kit to do with as I pleased, and, so, I left it on my dresser.  I don't really know why I did.  I think it was some sort of test to see how cool my roommate actually was.  For example, if she saw it and judged me negatively for having a lice-removal kit, then I'd know that she wasn't really cool at all.  As it turns out, she never brought it up, and I forgot that it was there for a few months.

    The other night, though, I was talking to my roommate, and I brought up the kit, mentioning briefly that it was for the metal comb and admitting that I actually don't have lice and haven't had it since I was 6.  She said she assumed that I didn't have it and that I would have told her if I did, which is true.  I mean, I don't know if I'd know if I did have lice, but I've heard that it's really itchy and that it's one of those things people tend to figure out eventually.  Anyway, I don't have lice.  The point of this story is that two of my roommates acquaintances noticed it when they were in our room one day and ever since have thought that I have lice.  It made them so uncomfortable to think that they were in the room of someone who has lice that they asked if they could hang out with my roommate elsewhere.

    I thought that was pretty funny.  It turns out that they saw the kit quite a while ago, so, every time they see me (which happens at least twice a week since we have a class together) they probably think, "Look, it's lice girl."  The last time I saw them after my roommate told me about their discovery of the lice-removal kit, I scratched my head viciously and shook it, so as to fling my lice in their general direction.  I'm not a mean person, but I will not hesitate to mess with people who are quick to suspect that I have lice and judge me for it.

    Ok, I'm going to go read the Secret Diary of Laura Palmer.

5/31/06: 9:37PM  i've got a cloud sleeping on my tongue. -Tori Amos

    The semester ended, all of my finals went well, I guess, because I got pretty good grades.

    I went to Germany, which was a lot of fun, as always.  I managed to find my way to Marburg without getting off at the wrong train station or being told that I'm a pretty girl by a lonely, old woman.  I stayed with Nika, my awesome Slovenian, metal-loving friend.  She was so nice and hospitable.  I got to see Austin, Elena, and Abby and met some cool people.  Oh!  And I got to see Philip!!!  Unfortunately, he was really busy with school and the student protests in Hessen due to an increase in tuition costs.  It was crazy for me because I'd never been to a real demonstration before that.  The next time I visit Germany, Philip and I will definitely play hacky sack!

    I think there are chipmunks in the ceiling, but I guess they've been there for years, so it's nothing new.  They are just being particularly loud tonight.

    Tonight Natalie and I are hanging out!  I'm so excited, for I haven't seen her since I left for Germany.

    Oh.  Yes.  I forgot to mention that my luggage was lost on the way back to America.  I reported it, and it turns out they didn't give my suitcase an ID number or something, so they're just going to look for an unmarked bag...ahhahaha.  The lady I talked to yesterday at the lost-baggage place told me to call her today, and, when I did, she said to call back at 6pm.  When I did that, a different woman answered and put me on hold for 15 minutes.  I hung up and called again, and then no one answered.  So I guess I'll try again tomorrow.  The only thing that I regret not having due to this mishap is my retainer (luckily the orthodontists are going to make me a new one free of charge because I'm just that awesome...and poor) and this awesome strawberry XUXU beverage that I bought for Shannon.  I am kind of concerned that the bottle might break and stain all of my clothes with strawberry goo, but I guess that's just a risk one takes with airlines.

8/22/06: 4:30PM  

    Hello!  Boy, does it feel awesome to be writing on the Chunk, again.  Really, as nice of a substitute for the Chunk as xanga was, it could never replace her completely.  I guess old habits die hard.

    Holly and I moved into the apartment with Trish on Saturday.  It's weird that we've already been here for 3 days.  I can't wait for the semester to start, though.  I'm kind of bored out of my mind.  I went to the library yesterday to check out some books about Mathematical Biology.  I tried to read them today, but I wasn't in the mood, I guess.  I also kind of forgot what a linear equation is, so I had to look that up, and by that time I had to pee, anyway, and I haven't tried to read the book since.  I'll probably try later, though, because my love of math is not thwarted that easily.

    Umm.

8/23/06: 3:53PM  beast to beast, eye to eye, alkalize or die. -Rasputina

    Understanding and patience are virtues that not all possess...sigh.

    These past few days have been interesting/awesome/stressful/boring/taxing.  I cannot wait for school to start.

    I kind of want to go running, again, today, but that would mean I'd have to take ANOTHER shower, and we all know how I am about bathing...well, in the case that anyone does not know how I am about bathing, I don't do it unless I really, really feel compelled to do so, which would be once every 4 days if it weren't for the fact that other people have to live around me and my musk.

8/24/06: 11:54PM  the pieces of insincerity are like the stuff upon which we feed.  do i feed you? -Queensrÿche

    It's long time I listen to more Queensrÿche.  They're just awesome...or, they were.  Not really anymore.  I don't even know if they are still together.  Their first album after Chris Degarmo left kind of blew, from what I heard of it, so I don't know.  Maybe they are still together, because they did just release Operation: Mind Crime II, so maybe they are.  Shannon says it's pretty good and that it's not just a bunch of remixes of the original Operation: Mind Crime.  That's an awesome album.  Man.  It's too bad that it's less well-known than other rock operas such as Tommy and The Wall.  Spreading the Disease is one of my favorite Queensrÿche songs of all time.  Soooo good.  When we're alone at night and waiting for the call, she feeds my skin.  Classic.

8/25/06: 10:03AM  and i kissed a girl with a broken jaw that her father gave to her -Bright Eyes

    I really cannot wait for school to start.  Only 3 more days, thank goodness.  I'm tempted to do some physics so as to not have forgotten everything from Physics I.  

7:04PM  difficult not to feel a little bit disappointed, passed over -A Perfect Circle

    The funny thing about being tempted to do something is that it doesn't necessarily mean that one will actually do said thing.  For example, I was tempted to do some Physics; however, I did not do any Physics.  Instead, I loafed around on the computer some more, went for a run, visited some friends, watched some Pete and Pete with Holly and made a Mathbox.  The mathbox is really awesome.  More on that later.

7:30PM  genius to fall asleep to your tape last night -Björk

    Björk is so awesome!  Anyway, to make the mathbox story short, my roommates for this year were talking last semester, and they all agreed that math is gross and that I shouldn't do it in their presence.  First they suggested that I do it in the oven, but then I said my math would probably catch fire in there.  Then Amanda suggested that I do it in a mathbox.  Lots of jokes were made; it was pretty funny.  Anyway, Amanda is moving in tomorrow, and Holly and I converted the huge cardboard box from her dresser into a mathbox.  We didn't have paintbrushes, so we just used our hands.  It was a lot of fun and made me long to fingerpaint more often.

    Woohooo, school in 3 days (oh, yeah, I already brought up this point today.  ahahhaah i'm a dork.)!!

9/5/06: 11:33PM  and let's start trying to make it a place worth living in -Disturbed

    Every time I hear Disturbed, I think, "Hot damn, they sure were awesome at Ozzfest!"  Seriously, that was definitely the highlight of the show.

    Classes started, which is awesome.  I really like all of them, even if I'll have to somehow program stuff for Numerical Analysis, despite that I haven't had computer programming in about two years. Oh, well, I'll figure it out.

    Umm...I got some hours at the Math Assistance Center (yay!).  I'm excited to have a real job, again.  Not working over the summer drained me of purpose and self-worth.

    ...Plates on your ass, Bitch, plates on your ass.

9/14/06: 6:47AM  but i can't seem to find my way out of your hunting ground. -Tori Amos

    I got to go home this past weekend, which was a lot of fun.  I got to see Shannon, Liz, Laura, Natalie, Tinaw, Sarap...

...a chunk of poptart just plunged itself down in between the 't' and 'r' keys of my keyboard...I hope my keyboard doesn't self-destruct...

 ...anyway, yes, going home was great.  I drove there and back with Holly in the passenger seat.  I just got my license less than a month ago, so I really didn't feel comfortable making the drive by myself.  Umm...that kind of sucked on the way back.  I had just gotten off an exit, so I was all disoriented (this probably happens only to me), and I came to a yield sign at some merging point.  At this point a combination of things happened:

1.  First of all, I did not know which lane I had to be in until we were on top of it.  I don't think Holly understands that I really need to know what lane we're going into as soon as it is in sight; otherwise, I have less time to merge into that lane, which makes me really nervous.  Okay, maybe I shouldn't be nervous, but I am, so I really just wish she would give me the heads up a little sooner (she's getting better, though).

2.  Once I knew in which lane I had to be, I was a bit slow about noticing the yield sign.  I am pretty much the worst person at spotting anything.  Really, I have yet to meet anyone who is worse at seeing objects than I am, even when someone points them out and says, "Over there is a(n) <object that I'm being shown>."  It's really bad.  This was pretty much all my fault.

So, when I DID see the yeild sign, I slowed down.  I probably would have stopped completely had I seen the hiddious purple sports car coming from my left (I was making a right turn), but I didn't see it.  I looked, and I really didn't see it.  So I turned right...and kind of almost ran into the purple car.  Basically, I pulled out, he stopped suddenly, in time for me to be able to keep going (I mean, once I already pulled out in front of the dude, I might as well keep going, otherwise, I'd just be blocking the intersection.).

The thing is, though, the purple car guy had a huge, huge problem with the fact that I had cut him off.  I can see that, really.  I mean, if you're having a bad day, and some bitch cut me off, I'd probably be really mad...BUT, I'm pretty confident in saying that I wouldn't ride 2 inches away from her ass, revving my engine intimidatingly.  Hahaha.  Yeah, it wasn't really that funny.  It was a 55 mph zone, and I was going 55mph, but there was a dude infront of me, so I couldn't go faster.  ALSO, we were in a passing zone, so the asshole really could have passed me.  I drove for line .25 miles, but the guy wouldn't let up.  In addition, whenever I looked into my rearview mirror, he would throw his arms up menacingly as if to say, "WTF, BITCH?  I'M FUCKING CRAZY!"  or something.  I don't know.  I don't drive a purple sports car, so I guess I'll never know what he could have been thinking to possess him to act in such a reckless manner.  I mean, pulling out infront of people is also reckless, but I did not mean to do so, really; however, I'm positive that this dude was not accidentally harassing me in the manner he was.  So, anyway, I ended up sharply pulling off into some old crusty barn driveway to get out from behind him.  Then I just sat there.  And Holly read her book, which really pissed me off.  I wanted her to tell me that the guy had been an asshole and that it wasn't all my fault.  I don't know.  I just wish she had talked to me more.  I know she had homework and that it definitely wasn't her fault, but...meh.

Anyway, the ride home was not that fun.  

Hhahaha.  umm, I have to go to class. 

11/4/06: 1:01am  all the lights came on at sunset- thought you'd stay. -Rufus Wainwright

I haven't written in a while.  This semester has been pretty busy, perhaps busier than last, but I'm definitely in a better place now than I was then.  I got the driving thing down a little more since my last entry, which is good.  I still make mistakes, but I'm learning, which is pretty much what life it about- learning but never really learning it all.  It'll all be just as much an enigma when I die as it all is now.  It's so vast.

This will probably be scattered since I haven't taken the time to write it all out for a while.  I was driving today, and I thought about how immense life is and how it's all so intangible and lacking in a specific form.  I feel like I'm just now realizing this.  Before everything was purpose and tasks.  I was so focused on what I was doing, unaware of the vastness floating about me.  But now I feel like I'm floating through the vastness.  Just a girl driving home from classes, floating through the universe while everyone else floats about me in their lives.  Together, they and the things that they've made make up my reality, and I float around in it, suspended in jelly.

It'll never be definite, will it?  I keep waiting for the day when my life will begin, when I'll settle down into something constant, but now I am starting to see the separate strings that I'm weaving into something concrete as I go along.  I wonder if it stays woven.  Does it unbraid itself as soon as I pass it for another soul to re-weave?  Or are we all weaving our own lives?  Do the solidified parts of our separate time lines end up in contributing to some semblance of order, or is it all too infinite to recognize the order we all try to create?  I now think it might be the latter.

I'm trying to conceptualize it all, still, which I guess is just human nature.  Trying to make sense when there really is no sense to be made from the tangle of...of what?  Oh, my.

We try to answer it all with science, but it doesn't really seem to help where the entirety of it is concerned.  I don't think we'll ever find out what "it" is.  We'll make up explanations to make some sense of it, enough sense for us to stop being uneasy about the unknowns, though.  My mind can't wrap around it.  It's all too big.

On the more concrete side of things, I'm enjoying my classes and living with the people with whom I share the apartment.  Shannon is coming to visit on Sunday.  I'm really excited.  I can't wait to see her.  I miss her immensely.  If there is one actual consistent element in my life, it is she.

I'm really tired, and I have to get up early tomorrow.  Good night.  

11/4/06: 11:44pm  it matters not to you and me what you believe in -Tori Amos

Shannon comes tomorrow!!  Yay!  I'm really excited to see her and hang out with her.

Tonight Andrea and I went to see The Importance of being Ernest.  It was so funny!  I almost fell out of my seat in...laughter, I suppose.

I'm really tired, but I really cannot go to sleep until I finish that outline for the paper for German.  Hmm.

So here is something I've been thinking about lately:  I have an almost irrepressible urge to vomit every time I wipe a carpet or piece of upholstered furniture with a wet paper towel.  It's like the tactile equivalent of nails on a chalk board, I guess, except nails on a chalkboard never bothered me.  One other thing that I remember finding quite gut-wrenching was the sensation that one feels when trying to erase with a normal pencil whose eraser is pretty much kaput, causing the metal support thing to scrape across the paper.  Eww!  It's so gross.

But, yeah, back to this carpet/wet paper towel thing.  Why does that make me want to puke every time?  The first time it happened, I thought that I was coming down with something, for why else would that affect me in such a way?  So I forgot about it for a while, but then I experienced the same sensation of nausea while wiping jelly off the carpet a few months ago.  I forgot about that until the other week when my roommate presented to me a grossly elongated, deformed baby marshmallow.  It was horrible.  I was so shocked/disgusted when I first saw it that I dropped the loaf of bread I was holding.  Then I backed away as I gasped.  Completely involuntary, I'm serious.  It grossed me out that much.

So this brings me to my question: why am I grossed out by these things?  They really aren't particularly gross at all.  Is it because I am, as some would say, unnervingly not grossed out by things that others deem to be typically gross?  Hmm hmm hmm.  No clue.  Maybe.

Chunk it up.