Success Stories
This page will be where we showcase school phobia stories that have ended in remarkable success. Most of these are from people who have contacted us to explain their troubles with school phobia and tell us that there is light at the end of the tunnel. At the suggestion of a concerned parent we have decided to put these onto a new page. If you have a success story that you'd like to see appear on this page then contact us either via the Contact Us form or e-mail us at admin@scared-of-school.tk.
Story 1 - School Phobic To School Teacher!
I had terrible school phobia when I started
secondary school years and years ago. I'm now an adult and a primary school teacher.
I'm nearly 30 now but really suffered with school phobia when I started secondary school at the age of 11. I thought my story might help some of you and allow parents and teachers to see more clearly what might be going on in the head of someone with school phobia.
I'd always been a bit of a worrier and there'd been a bit of bullying in my primary school, but generally, I loved school. I was clever and liked the teachers. I was your typical well behaved high achiever.
During the summer between finishing primary school and starting high school, I started to get the odd panic attack. they were very small and usually consisted of feeling a bit wobbly and sick and shaky and verry worried (but I didn't know what I was worried about). they were a bit scary, but I didn't take much notice of them. Like all kids, I was a bit apprehensive about starting my new school, so I put it down to that.
The first day went OK. it was all quite new and big and frightening, but my class were alright and the work was easy enough. however, by about the second week in, I had started to feel sick all the time. REALLY sick. And it was a weird sort of sickness - nausea, dread, shakiness, as though my whole body wanted to do 'something' that I wouldn't be able to control - but I couldn't work out what it wanted to do. I felt so sick that I couldn't eat, and I remember a group of older girls taking me to the sick bay. I sat trembling until my mum picked me up. When I got home, most of my symptoms stopped, but I felt as though the walls were closing in, a black cloud was over my head and the funny feeling of dread just wouldn't go away.
Things escalated quickly and I started feeling this way all day, every day. I couldn't make it through a full school day without ending up in the sick bay, although they got wise to me and started refusing to send me home. Sometimes I'd feel so sick before school and would be in tears, pleading with my mum not to send me in because I was far too sick. Sometimes she relented, and I'd sit in bed for hours, not daring to move because I felt so scared of 'something'. I was constantly terrified that I would vomit, have uncontrollable diarrhoea or wet myself in front of my class. I had no rational reason to fear this - I was rarely physically sick as a child and had never wet myself after the age of 2! I think it was a fear of humiliation that manifested itself like this.
Of course, all this illness in and out of school had the knock on effect of making me stand out to potential bullies. I'd stopped eating almost completely because of the anxiety and panic attacks, so looked skinny and pale and hollow eyed - not attractive! This combined with my geekiness ensured that I was a favourite victim for bullying, and this made everything worse. Worst of all, because I had so much time off school, my grades were slipping and I was passed over for behaviour rewards and things like that because, in my teachers eyes, I was never there enough for them to be aware of how I was doing. I'd felt able to deal with the bullying because I clung on to my intelligence and good behaviour, but when that started being ignored and criticised, I reached the end of my tether. I became obsessed and terrified with the idea of suicide. I didn't want to kill myself deep down, but it felt like the only way out. This led to OCD as I started obsessively hiding sharp objects from myself incase I felt compelled to slit my throat and dared myself to put my wet fingers into plug sockets. I was ELEVEN YEARS OLD and my life was unbearable. Nobody did anything. Nobody knew how to help me. My mum took me to see a doctor and he just said that my constant nausea was probably caused by 'too much fruit' (!) As if I was even eating anything in the first place!
Not a lot was done at school either. Our head of years was great though - she'd noticed me throwing my lunch away at school and had meetings with my mum and took responsibility for monitoring me. She'd get me to do things like become a voluntary school librarian in order to keep me in a 'safe' place at lunchtimes - things like that. OK, so it didn't make me any more popular with the bullies, but it did help a little. I had targets for my attendance to meet and rewards for meeting them. My hard work started to be recognised again by the teachers.
It took a long time for me to feel OK about going to school again. Unfortunately, the panic attacks have stayed with me forever. I still get the odd one now. although they're not as bad as they were all that time ago. The depression has stayed too. It upsets me when I think about how 've been mentally ill for my entire adolescence and adult life. I've learnt to deal with it and live a more or less normal life. I'm a teacher now, I'm married, things like that. but I'll never be normal, and the reason for that will always be because my school and my doctor failed me at such an early age. My story took place in 1989. nearly 20 years on, things like this are picked up much quicker now, mental health professionals are consulted long before it gets to the stage that I got to, help is there for sufferers, and that is a wonderful thing.
I can't say why I got school phobia. Maybe it was because I was a worrier. Maybe it was the change of schools. Maybe I was pre-disosed to depression and it kicked in as I started to go through puberty. Maybe it was because my grandma was terminally ill at the time. I can't say.
My last word goes out to parents and teachers:
Please, PLEASE take school phobia seriously. I can't convey to you exactly how miserable it made my life. It's impossible to accurately describe the feelings of being smothered by darkness, panic, misery. Unless you've been there yourself, you can't know what the panic attacks are like and what a child has to go through in order to simply go to school. I was eleven and suicidal, and I cannot be the only one. Please, if your child has difficulties that are anything like this, take them to your GP and ask for them to be referred to a child psychologist for assessment. I have suffered all my life because I slipped through the system. Your child doesn't have to.
I'm nearly 30 now but really suffered with school phobia when I started secondary school at the age of 11. I thought my story might help some of you and allow parents and teachers to see more clearly what might be going on in the head of someone with school phobia.
I'd always been a bit of a worrier and there'd been a bit of bullying in my primary school, but generally, I loved school. I was clever and liked the teachers. I was your typical well behaved high achiever.
During the summer between finishing primary school and starting high school, I started to get the odd panic attack. they were very small and usually consisted of feeling a bit wobbly and sick and shaky and verry worried (but I didn't know what I was worried about). they were a bit scary, but I didn't take much notice of them. Like all kids, I was a bit apprehensive about starting my new school, so I put it down to that.
The first day went OK. it was all quite new and big and frightening, but my class were alright and the work was easy enough. however, by about the second week in, I had started to feel sick all the time. REALLY sick. And it was a weird sort of sickness - nausea, dread, shakiness, as though my whole body wanted to do 'something' that I wouldn't be able to control - but I couldn't work out what it wanted to do. I felt so sick that I couldn't eat, and I remember a group of older girls taking me to the sick bay. I sat trembling until my mum picked me up. When I got home, most of my symptoms stopped, but I felt as though the walls were closing in, a black cloud was over my head and the funny feeling of dread just wouldn't go away.
Things escalated quickly and I started feeling this way all day, every day. I couldn't make it through a full school day without ending up in the sick bay, although they got wise to me and started refusing to send me home. Sometimes I'd feel so sick before school and would be in tears, pleading with my mum not to send me in because I was far too sick. Sometimes she relented, and I'd sit in bed for hours, not daring to move because I felt so scared of 'something'. I was constantly terrified that I would vomit, have uncontrollable diarrhoea or wet myself in front of my class. I had no rational reason to fear this - I was rarely physically sick as a child and had never wet myself after the age of 2! I think it was a fear of humiliation that manifested itself like this.
Of course, all this illness in and out of school had the knock on effect of making me stand out to potential bullies. I'd stopped eating almost completely because of the anxiety and panic attacks, so looked skinny and pale and hollow eyed - not attractive! This combined with my geekiness ensured that I was a favourite victim for bullying, and this made everything worse. Worst of all, because I had so much time off school, my grades were slipping and I was passed over for behaviour rewards and things like that because, in my teachers eyes, I was never there enough for them to be aware of how I was doing. I'd felt able to deal with the bullying because I clung on to my intelligence and good behaviour, but when that started being ignored and criticised, I reached the end of my tether. I became obsessed and terrified with the idea of suicide. I didn't want to kill myself deep down, but it felt like the only way out. This led to OCD as I started obsessively hiding sharp objects from myself incase I felt compelled to slit my throat and dared myself to put my wet fingers into plug sockets. I was ELEVEN YEARS OLD and my life was unbearable. Nobody did anything. Nobody knew how to help me. My mum took me to see a doctor and he just said that my constant nausea was probably caused by 'too much fruit' (!) As if I was even eating anything in the first place!
Not a lot was done at school either. Our head of years was great though - she'd noticed me throwing my lunch away at school and had meetings with my mum and took responsibility for monitoring me. She'd get me to do things like become a voluntary school librarian in order to keep me in a 'safe' place at lunchtimes - things like that. OK, so it didn't make me any more popular with the bullies, but it did help a little. I had targets for my attendance to meet and rewards for meeting them. My hard work started to be recognised again by the teachers.
It took a long time for me to feel OK about going to school again. Unfortunately, the panic attacks have stayed with me forever. I still get the odd one now. although they're not as bad as they were all that time ago. The depression has stayed too. It upsets me when I think about how 've been mentally ill for my entire adolescence and adult life. I've learnt to deal with it and live a more or less normal life. I'm a teacher now, I'm married, things like that. but I'll never be normal, and the reason for that will always be because my school and my doctor failed me at such an early age. My story took place in 1989. nearly 20 years on, things like this are picked up much quicker now, mental health professionals are consulted long before it gets to the stage that I got to, help is there for sufferers, and that is a wonderful thing.
I can't say why I got school phobia. Maybe it was because I was a worrier. Maybe it was the change of schools. Maybe I was pre-disosed to depression and it kicked in as I started to go through puberty. Maybe it was because my grandma was terminally ill at the time. I can't say.
My last word goes out to parents and teachers:
Please, PLEASE take school phobia seriously. I can't convey to you exactly how miserable it made my life. It's impossible to accurately describe the feelings of being smothered by darkness, panic, misery. Unless you've been there yourself, you can't know what the panic attacks are like and what a child has to go through in order to simply go to school. I was eleven and suicidal, and I cannot be the only one. Please, if your child has difficulties that are anything like this, take them to your GP and ask for them to be referred to a child psychologist for assessment. I have suffered all my life because I slipped through the system. Your child doesn't have to.
Story 2 - Managing Editor in Publishing
I stopped going to school when I was 12, and I never went back. The four years
that followed were the most lonely and painful time of my life, and I attempted
suicide several times.
I'm now 25. I have A Levels and a degree, and I work as a managing editor at a publishing company.
I pretty much did everything I could to avoid school. I was already in family therapy and seeing a psychologist. I decided not to go back to school on the first day of Year-9.
After about six months things started getting awkward - in fact my relationship with my parents is *still* strained (although we *can* talk about it). Welfare officers were threatening me with young offenders institutes (and my parents with court action) so I felt I had no option but to attempt suicide and fake insanity. This got the authorities off our backs, but it DID land me in a residential psychiatric unit for the next year. Even that was preferable to school though! I actually met a lot of people my age who were school-phobic and were in exactly the same situation as me... it was like some kind of secret sub-culture!
After a year the staff realised that I wasn't really crazy and discharged me. I was only about 13-14 at the time, so I still had about 2 years to waste. I attended meetings at my school and with the Local Education Authority. I had horrible social workers and welfare officers visiting me on a daily basis. The consensus was that I was either crazy, or had serious learning difficulties (people would assume I couldn't read, and would read any literature to me... I never corrected them). I managed to wangle a home-tutor for six weeks... again, she assumed I couldn't read, and would explain "difficult" concepts to me (!!). When THAT finished, my options really WERE running out, so I actually agreed to go into school (I was 14 at this point). So, I met my friends, went the bus-stop, and did full day at school - no questions asked. The following day, I set off for school as usual and took a detour... I bought some cigarettes and some paracetamols, then sat down a back-alley and took another overdose. I remember as I sat there, I thought "Wait a minute. I can control whether I live or die. If I can control that, I can certainly control something as minor as attending school." So I dialled 999, and the following day, my welfare officer arrived and told me that the authorities were washing their hands of me, and I'd never hear from anyone again.
I phoned the school myself, and arranged to meet with each of my subject teachers. *Some* of them gave me some work. I also bought lots of "teach yourself GCSE..." books. I posted the work back to the teachers, and a few weeks later, my English teacher appeared on my doorstep. She said that my work was incredible and that I'd been totally misjudged. She tutored me at home from then on, and we're still in touch 10 years later. She's now the head of a special school for under-16 mothers.
While all this was going on, I arranged to meet the head of admissions at my local art college. It took a few months (and lots of meetings, references and charm) but the college eventually obtained a special licence from the LEA that allowed them to teach 15 year-olds. The best part of this story, was one morning at around 8am, I was visited by yet another welfare officer. Welfare Officers and social workers ALWAYS come early to see if you're out of bed. Luckily, I was dressed very smartly, with full make-up and revision notes in hand. As he started to lecture and patronise me, I said "Look, I'm going to have to stop you there.. it's just I'm sitting a GCSE Law exam this morning... can we chat later?" Needless to say, he never came back!!
So, I managed to sit my GCSEs at exactly the same time as all my friends from school, except I did mine at a college (and I even got higher grades!). I went on to do A' Levels there, and did a mentoring scheme for the other under-16s that followed me. After the A'Levels i just went on to uni along with loads of other students... but it had extra significance for me.
Anyway, I hope that nowadays, school refusers/phobics don't have to go to half the lengths I did! I'm not proud of my methods, but I AM proud of the fact that I never "let the system win." I never went back, and I educated myself on my own terms. I was really popular at college and i had a great time - surrounded by 'grown ups' and studying whatever I wanted (including Law, Psychology, Counselling and Media Studies). I even got a special award at the end of my GCSEs!
When I heard about the school age being raised to 18 my stomach just turned! It was hard enough keeping away for four years, I can't image what six would have been like! I hated school because it felt like a prison, or worse: a factory production-line - i imagine there are going to be loads of teenagers forced into doing things that are neither relevent nor stimulating.
I'm now 25. I have A Levels and a degree, and I work as a managing editor at a publishing company.
I pretty much did everything I could to avoid school. I was already in family therapy and seeing a psychologist. I decided not to go back to school on the first day of Year-9.
After about six months things started getting awkward - in fact my relationship with my parents is *still* strained (although we *can* talk about it). Welfare officers were threatening me with young offenders institutes (and my parents with court action) so I felt I had no option but to attempt suicide and fake insanity. This got the authorities off our backs, but it DID land me in a residential psychiatric unit for the next year. Even that was preferable to school though! I actually met a lot of people my age who were school-phobic and were in exactly the same situation as me... it was like some kind of secret sub-culture!
After a year the staff realised that I wasn't really crazy and discharged me. I was only about 13-14 at the time, so I still had about 2 years to waste. I attended meetings at my school and with the Local Education Authority. I had horrible social workers and welfare officers visiting me on a daily basis. The consensus was that I was either crazy, or had serious learning difficulties (people would assume I couldn't read, and would read any literature to me... I never corrected them). I managed to wangle a home-tutor for six weeks... again, she assumed I couldn't read, and would explain "difficult" concepts to me (!!). When THAT finished, my options really WERE running out, so I actually agreed to go into school (I was 14 at this point). So, I met my friends, went the bus-stop, and did full day at school - no questions asked. The following day, I set off for school as usual and took a detour... I bought some cigarettes and some paracetamols, then sat down a back-alley and took another overdose. I remember as I sat there, I thought "Wait a minute. I can control whether I live or die. If I can control that, I can certainly control something as minor as attending school." So I dialled 999, and the following day, my welfare officer arrived and told me that the authorities were washing their hands of me, and I'd never hear from anyone again.
I phoned the school myself, and arranged to meet with each of my subject teachers. *Some* of them gave me some work. I also bought lots of "teach yourself GCSE..." books. I posted the work back to the teachers, and a few weeks later, my English teacher appeared on my doorstep. She said that my work was incredible and that I'd been totally misjudged. She tutored me at home from then on, and we're still in touch 10 years later. She's now the head of a special school for under-16 mothers.
While all this was going on, I arranged to meet the head of admissions at my local art college. It took a few months (and lots of meetings, references and charm) but the college eventually obtained a special licence from the LEA that allowed them to teach 15 year-olds. The best part of this story, was one morning at around 8am, I was visited by yet another welfare officer. Welfare Officers and social workers ALWAYS come early to see if you're out of bed. Luckily, I was dressed very smartly, with full make-up and revision notes in hand. As he started to lecture and patronise me, I said "Look, I'm going to have to stop you there.. it's just I'm sitting a GCSE Law exam this morning... can we chat later?" Needless to say, he never came back!!
So, I managed to sit my GCSEs at exactly the same time as all my friends from school, except I did mine at a college (and I even got higher grades!). I went on to do A' Levels there, and did a mentoring scheme for the other under-16s that followed me. After the A'Levels i just went on to uni along with loads of other students... but it had extra significance for me.
Anyway, I hope that nowadays, school refusers/phobics don't have to go to half the lengths I did! I'm not proud of my methods, but I AM proud of the fact that I never "let the system win." I never went back, and I educated myself on my own terms. I was really popular at college and i had a great time - surrounded by 'grown ups' and studying whatever I wanted (including Law, Psychology, Counselling and Media Studies). I even got a special award at the end of my GCSEs!
When I heard about the school age being raised to 18 my stomach just turned! It was hard enough keeping away for four years, I can't image what six would have been like! I hated school because it felt like a prison, or worse: a factory production-line - i imagine there are going to be loads of teenagers forced into doing things that are neither relevent nor stimulating.
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