Scared of School

So we've got Alternative Education and we've got a little bit about school refusing but what if you can't stop going? Well, this is for those who are still going to school yet still battling with school phobia. It's not for long-term use but just some things to help keep you going, although we strongly suggest you don't just suffer in silence. Please do call a meeting or do sort out some other arrangement! Contributors to this are named at the bottom of the page.

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Things to do while in school

1. Imagine a positive future, where you are a better person than any people who annoy you at school are.
2. Take up in-school clubs/activities such as sports, dancing or karate to relieve tension.
3. Focus on what you’ve got to do and don’t pay attention to people messing about in class.
4. Avoid negative ‘self talk’ such as, "Stop panicking, you big wimp!" or "I can’t do this."
5. When panicked, talk to yourself in a language you aren’t very familiar with. The things you’re taught in class are usually simple things and nothing depressing. Also, it’ll take your mind off the panic for a bit.
6. If negative thoughts pop into your mind, realise that they are there and then re-write them either inwardly or out loud into more positive statements.
7. If you think you’ll have a bad day, write an encouraging note to yourself the night before saying positive things and then put it somewhere that you’ll find it the next day and hopefully it’ll cheer you up.
8. If you have a panic attack, realise it for what it is and think to yourself, "This is a panic attack, I’m okay and this will pass." Realise that you will pass this panicked state soon, as your body can’t keep that state of awareness too long.
9. If you have a spare minute, then write down a word best associated with what you are feeling e.g. sad, depressed, frustrated, lonely. Write it down continuously and eventually it will start to look silly and might make you giggle.
10. Don’t feel stupid for feeling the way you do. You already feel bad as it is without adding internal abuse to it.
11. Tell yourself rational thoughts such as, "It’s okay. This is just a down day, which everyone gets. I know I will feel happy again sometime."
12. Lose the "should-could-have to" words.
13. Notice black and white thinking, irrational thinking and self-blame.
14. If negative thoughts start attacking you, visualise a bright red "Stop" sign. Programme yourself that that stop sign means those thoughts are not allowed to continue.
15. Choose a colour that makes you feel safe and calm (preferably not black as it can lead to negative thoughts) and imagine that the uncomfortable scene/feelings are being washed away by that colour.
16. Try and smile at 3 people whom you’ve never spoken to but seem nice. You might end up really smiling!
17. Make a rational mental list of all the things you can think about where you are now. "It is Tuesday the 13^th December, I am 15 years old. The chair I am on is grey and made of…"
18. Take something of sentimental value to school with you, in fact probably best to make a copy of the object out of card, paper or just something to represent it and take that.
19. If you’re an occasional/borderline school refuser/skipper, then keep an account of the days you did attend in one column and the days you didn’t attend in another. Set yourself a goal like, "I want to go for at least 3 days this week." And when you get worried or unsure whether you can do it, look over your past records and think to yourself how well you’ve done.
20. Don’t leave yourself too open to verbal attack. You know, that person on their own at the bus stop may have seemed nice but when they have their friends around them, will they still be as friendly? At the same time, don’t build your barriers too high or else trusting will become a major issue even with those who are worthy of your time.
21. When you notice any increase in your uneasiness or anxiety then take slow, deep breaths. If you can, try and learn how to do diaphragmic breathing rather than breathing from your chest (we know that sounds strange).
22. We know it's a cliche, but breathing into a paper bag does help. Breathing in your own carbon dioxide calms you down. Take one with you and when you're feeling panicked, nip into the toilets and breathe deeply into it.

Things to do while not in school

1. Be around understanding people either online or in real life.
2. Listen to music that makes you feel happy (or even sad music if you need a good cry).
3. Try not to be alone for too long. If you notice yourself feeling down then go speak to someone who’ll cheer you up. Write out a list of people you can speak to and their numbers, in advance.
4. Print out the Anxiety worksheets from the Anxiety page.
5. Write down something you like about yourself. When you feel happy or pleased with yourself add another thing. When you sense you’re feeling down look over the list.
6. Carry a small bit of paper or book with you and each time someone pays you a compliment or thanks you or is nice to you, write it down into your ‘Compliments book,’ and when you feel down take a look over the list.
7. Collect something like toys, games, films, thimbles etc. When you need cheering up badly, buy yourself a new addition or admire what you already have.
8. H.A.L.T – Avoid getting Hungry, Angry, Lonely or Tired.
9. Make a card to fit in your wallet and on it put stress-relieving tips and positive statements about yourself to cheer you up when you look at it.
10. Write your feelings down in a diary. If you’re getting bullied, keep a log of everything that is said to you or done.
11. Write a letter to someone or something that is bothering you. Or write a letter to yourself saying things you like about yourself. You don’t have to post it, keep it or destroy it after.
12. Write down a list of all the positive things in your life, even the small things.
13. Make a list of everything you have ever enjoyed in your life. Then make another list of things you would enjoy but haven’t done yet then try and introduce some from both lists into your life.
14. If you are being bullied, write out why you don’t deserve to be hurt or scared. This will remind you that it’s not your fault. Carry the paper with you if you think it will help you stay more positive.
15. Brainstorm all the options and choices you have currently.
16. Take a piece of paper and a pen and then write whatever comes into your head. Try not to consciously think, "Oh, I’ll write that." Just try and write all your thoughts out continuously.
17. If you are near a beach, try writing words in the sand such as things that are bothering you, self-hate words that you think of a lot or insults you’ve been called by bullies. Then watch the waves wash all those negative things away and imagine that it is taking the negativity away from you. The suggestor of this said, "When I was near a beach, one thing that I found really helpful was to find a secluded spot and write the self-hate words that were haunting me in the sand. Then watch as the waves washed them away. It felt cleansing... as if the waves were literally washing the words off of me.''
18. Let yourself cry.
19. Visualise your troubles fizzling away or being locked up in airtight containers.
20. Make a box either mentally or physically where you put all the overwhelming thoughts and troubles into until you are ready to deal with them. Some just imagine a box in their minds but others prefer to actually make a box and put real references in. It’s just to allow yourself to prepare for dealing with the problems.
21. Make a list of your accomplishments.
22. Repeat positive thoughts to yourself whilst looking at your reflection. The idea is that by looking into your own eyes it helps to undo all that negative programming you’ve installed into it. It takes a while but it helps.
23. To release anger, try wrestling with your covers or punching your pillow.
24. Scream, preferably into a pillow if you’d rather no one heard you.
25. Rant and rave to yourself, putting lots of energy into it or whilst doing one of the other techniques.
26. Buy a stressball and squeeze it when you feel angry or scared. If it’s small enough, take it with you to school.
27. Scribble on a photo of someone who annoys you, whether it be a class photo or a magazine.
28. Put some music on and dance and sing until you are exhausted.
29. Go for a brisk walk, breathing deeply and taking in the rhythm of your steps. This is good to do in the mornings when the air is still crisp and refreshing but this is possible anytime of day (but not too late at night!).
30. If you have a passion for a certain type of exercise like swimming or cycling then try and do it.
31. Stretch. Try and touch your toes.
32. Go for a run and run as fast as you can, but don’t wander into unknown places. If it’s too late to go out then run up and down the stairs or from one end of the room to the other.
33. Write down your feelings on a bit of paper then scrunch it into a ball and whack it around ‘tennis style’ until you’re puffed out.
34. Put on some boisterous and dramatic classical music like the Star Wars theme or something like it. Pretend you’re a crazy conductor.
35. Give yourself a massage.
36. Have a hot drink like hot chocolate.
37. Take a long bath.
38. Curl up under a blanket.
39. Eat your favourite food.
40. Hug yourself.
41. Listen to soothing music.
42. Lay down by yourself and just take long and slow breaths, concentrating only on breathing in and out. Just 20 minutes of this every week or just before school can relax you a lot. A normal breathing rate is 10 to 12 breaths per minute. You can achieve this by breathing in for three seconds and then out for three. Say to yourself, "In, two, three," and "Relax, two, three."
43. Relaxation tapes can be bought and listened to if you prefer.
44. Watch a sunset or sunrise.
45. Meditation. There are many different ways to do this, some people do this to try and find answers about themselves and others just to relax. Most meditation forms start by attuning to the breaths that enter your lungs and then exit again. Some people try to ‘let go’ any thoughts of the day or worries and try to create an inner stillness or quiet. Other forms don’t try to ‘let go’ of the thoughts but meditate using repetition. This can be a word or phrase that is repeated silently to ‘bore’ your logical mind in order to achieve a sense of quiet. Some sit while others lie down. It’s really up to you.
46. Recite something familiar to you that makes you feel happy and comfortable.
47. Yoga.
48. Create a secret place in your mind where you can go when you need to ‘escape.’ This can be a wood, a house, an igloo – anything that makes you feel safe. Add as many details as you like.
49. When out shopping and you see a calm child, smile at them. Make faces and try and get them to smile back. Notice their sense of wonder and think of what it must be like to see everything in the world as exciting and new. Everything we take for granted, they are in awe over. It’s very calming. 
50. Watch a funny movie if you need to laugh. Disney’s are great for that. Or if you need to cry watch a sad movie (preferably with someone else so you don’t get too down afterwards!)
51. Identify times in your day where you’re most vulnerable to negative thoughts and plan some small activities you can do to keep your mind busy with distractions.
52. Post or join a support forum. See what others have to say and maybe try and help someone in a similar situation as you. The advice you give them can also be your own advice to yourself!
53. To relieve tension, cut or rip paper into itty-bitty pieces. Make sure the paper isn’t an important document etc. Take care not to get carried away and end up hurting yourself.
54. Draw things you like or draw yourself! Make mental notes about which parts are nice and why they are so.
55. If you regularly get down whilst doing something like listening to a particular song or looking at a particular website, then maybe try doing something different for a while until you’re able to go back to the thing you once did without getting depressed whilst doing so.
56. Set yourself treats for the weekends. Like doing something you really enjoy or doing something you haven’t done for a while or never done before. Remind yourself, when you get low, that it’s not long until you get your treat.

Big thanks to: NotYourAverageGirl, Eps3742, James_Bond, R.K., Tori_Amos_Fan_15, NeopetsLover and shadowgirlfromnowhere from Teenhelp. And to Spoon, Fool on the Hill, Kasatka, End Game, Not Telling, leelo1990, Nirvana, Lil Marki, Woodrow Call, James Tremaglio, Flammable Ear Curtain, infamous_scarface, Casio, Josie, Sex_Chocolate, Estranged, Robert. J, No1Bi/Straight15 and Kevin from Vteen. Also thanks to Sarah from Stop Bullying Now! and thanks to BUS.