Scared of School

The following was written when the site started so the situation may have changed.

Right, well it's difficult to condense nearly a whole year into a short paragraph but I'll try. It all started when I was going from my Second Year (I'm Scottish) in High School to my Third Year. We have to pick subjects for our Standard Grades (GCSE's) and so when I had a meeting with my Guidance teacher, he told me Third Year was going to be brilliant for me. It would give me a chance to excel and make friends. The reality was different. I had serious trouble with my German teacher and so asked to be moved class. My school told me that if I moved German class I would have to move some of my other classes as well because of something to do with certain columns in the timetables. I then asked to replace german with another subject but that didn't work out either. Then I asked for a study period, because my attendance has always been low due to medical reasons, but they refused bluntly. Over this period of time I decided to just go to the school library during German classes (Note: I love German.). Nothing was said, apart from I was told I was breaking the law by doing so but I carried on and they kept quiet about it. Then I started becoming scared of school. I would have panic attacks on the way and constantly found myself wishing it would end. I couldn't concentrate on anything. I started skipping school and trailing round the parks. Then I started getting picked on. A girl hit me with a plastic bottle, a boy tripped me up straight after and then a girl ran smack into me even after she'd seen I was there. I ran home crying. After a while, I was feeling really low and so on my 15th birthday I told my mum I wasn't going anymore. She phoned the school constantly and got meetings but it was too late. I felt like nothing would help me be there. I felt allergic to the building. I'm still not going to school, despite phone calls from the school telling me to go. I received a call from them today and I've to be picked up at 10:30am for a meeting. I have been sent to the local mental health instituiton to find out if I'm depressed. They say I'm not but I'm close to it. I love learning and I'm a good student but I can't at school and moving school doesn't seem like a very good option. I'm scared I'll make a mess of my life but I see no other way out.

Update 11/06: Since writing this I started a part-time timetable where I went into school for an hour each day. I was also assaulted but I got the police involved. I'm now at college and I'm doing well.

Update 10/08: I have completed an NC in Administration at college and have went on to graduate with an HNC in Administration and Information Technology this year (equivalent to a first year at university). Never thought I'd wear those robes all those years ago! I'm still at college as I'm now going back part-time to gain some qualifications I missed out on in school - namely an English Higher (A Level) so I can achieve my goal of getting into publishing/editing.

The below was written when the site started so the situation may have changed.

My story begins when I went into my third year in High School. I was having trouble with a few of the people in my classes, but nothing too serious. The first week of my new term was bearable and I was getting along alright, until one day I was talking to my cousin in the corridor (he is one year younger than me) when he suddenly pointed at me and shouted out 'Frizzy Lizzy'. From then on people called me that, inside school and out. I was never worried about my hair being curly until people started bullying me about it. I became over-sensitive about my hair and anytime anyone in class mentioned hair products or straighteners, I left in a panic. After that, the bullying got worse and people commented on anything they could, not just my hair. The first physcial bullying I received was when a girl younger than me pushed me down the stairs outside the school entrance. I found myself making excuses so I couldn't go to school. My two friends at the time, Rosie and a girl Sarah (who ditched us when her third year began) didn't believe how bad school was for me because they were in second year, which was a lot better than third and were being told by their guidance teachers how great third year would be. Due to the fact that my friends didn't believe my problems and my mum was sceptical of the bullying, I started going home after being sent to school. Then I went into my fourth year of High School and the 'Frizzy Lizzy' name was still circulating the school. The only good thing that happened was that Rosie started to see what third year was really like and we began going to parks and the school library instead of our classes. We didn't like doing that but it was too horrible to stay in school. On Rosie's birthday my grandad died so I was off school for two weeks following that. Two days after the funeral, the school Attendance Officer caught me and told me I should be at school. When I did go back I found out that one of my classmates that I talked to sometimes had spread a rumour that I'd killed my grandad. It seems very funny but when everyone started laughing at me in classes because they actually believed it, I got upset and ran away. Since then I've not been going to school and I've mostly been at Rosie's house with her. I wish I could learn but I don't like school.

Update 11/06: I have quit school since I wrote this but the memories of my school-phobia haven't left me. I won't be one of those people who think, "I'm out of there so I'll just forget about it and still send my kids to that school," and my dislike for my school has not budged even after me leaving. I'm also at college and doing well.

Update 10/08: Since my last update I have completed an NC and HNC in Administration and have kept on at college to do an English Higher. I have greatly enjoyed my time at college and from my experiences know that it is very different from school. I'm glad to have had the opportunity to be there and now to share a class with Rosie as it was something that didn't happen in school.