A tourists guide to Utrecht.
In Amsterdam there is much traffic, and no traffic rules. In Utrecht it's completely different. Since Utrecht is made up out of small little streets where no car can pass, all you really have to worry about is the cyclists. You will have to watch out for them, because they are hell-bent on hitting you any chance they get. This is because every cyclist in Utrecht is in fact part of an underground society of Dutch cyclists that are hell-bent on hitting American tourists with their bycicles.
Yes, only American tourists are in Utrecht and I'll tell you why. Utrecht is heaven for all fatties in the world. It is the safe haven of fastfood junkies the world over. When you arrive at the Central station in Utrecht (assuming you go by train, otherwise you're a fucking retard) the first thing you will notice is that there aren't any normal shops there. There is a place to exchange your foreign currency but that's it. There are snackbars littered all over the place. You don't have to search for a snackbar, just for a snackbar you like! Everything from American fastfood chains such as McDonalds and Burger King to traditional Dutch fastfood chains such as Smullers can be found there. You know those geeky anime conventions where people dress up like gay guys and pretend to have sword duels with plastic swords? The Central Station in Utrecht is just like that. Except there are no dressed up people, and there are no swords but forks.
But the fun doesn't stop there! The Central Station is connected to a shopping mall called Hoog Catherijne, which is almost as awesome as the Central Station! Not as many snackbars as in the Central Station, but there are clothing stores everywhere and even an American styled cinema! Imagine that! The whole city is shaped after your own Godforsaken country the moment you arrive! No need to be afraid to leave the safety of Hoog Catherijne though! As soon as you go onto the streets of Utrecht the amount of snackbars will not amaze you! There are almost as many as there are in your own hometown! There is even a street called the Hamburgerstreet! And there's also the Pancake Plaza! Google Hamburgerstraat and Pannenkoekenplein if you don't believe me.
There are also some downsides to Utrecht though. There aren't as many coffeeshops as in Amsterdam. In Amsterdam I counted about 50. And that was in one street. In the entire city of Utrecht I only counted 4. Also, there are no brothels in Utrecht. Not one. If you are a no life loner and that's the only way you'll not stay a virgin, you'll have to go to Amsterdam. Then again, if that's what you come here for, I hope you die in a fire you sick bastard. You disgust me.
There is in Amsterdam a place called The Dam. Pigeons gather there every day to kill people and steal their foods. This would be quite aproblem in Utrecht, what with a snackbar every other store. The citizens of Utrecht came up with a brilliant solution for this. Kill all pigeons. This idea was voted best out of a grand total of one idea. It was eventually embodied as the KFC. That's right. You don't get actual chicken at the KFC in Utrecht. Instead you will be eating delicious pigeon. How ironic, that the pigeons there are in fact the very food they would otherwise steal. Damn birds.