Sarah's Life

I'm sitting here at Ethan's. Its nearly 10: 30 an my mind is buzzing. Its always this way at night. Something about the starlight streaming through the windows puddling on the floor, the silence of a house full of sleeping creatures, the hum of the AC and the fan in my laptop, it just makes me want to press my fingers to cold plastic keys and let them scream. So I grab my flash drive and plug it in bringing up all the right files. I find my fingers poised over home row my eyes fixated on the paragraph I wrote last time the file was opened. Suddenly I need a drink. Then I'm hungry. Maybe I should wash the dishes? Sweep the floors. Are all the doors and drawers shut? Now I've got to pee.

Autumn, Athena, Darcy, Sam, Will, and Dean all sit on the couch and chairs in the TV room, Dean's propped against the fireplace mantle watching me. Ghostbusters is on the big screen tv. They're waiting for me to come back to them. At times these characters feel so real to me that I can almost see them there. I feel like Christopher Robin. I know I'm too old to go back to the hundred acre wood but sometimes the longing to frolic with Winnie the Pooh and my dear friends is too strong.  Does that make sense?

I guess its different when you're writing. No one would have said a word if Mark Twain said he needed to go home Tom and Huck where waiting on him, they had another adventure. No one even blinked an eye when T.A.Barron stated on many an occasion that Merlin stood over his shoulder telling to him what his "lost years" were like and explaining where he was as a boy.  But did Mr. Barron ever sit there feeling his character pressed against his back, listening to him whisper his life story into his ear, and wonder if he had any ounce of sanity left?

I don't know. But as I sit here fingers poised over the keys the gang waiting anxiously for me to begin their tales again I have to wonder if I've gone too far. Have I lost myself completely to a world that could never really be real? I casted them, gave them faces. I've given them Twitter accounts.  I can hear their voices in my head. I know exactly how Autumn would sound. I know the cockiness of Will's voice. So many times I've heard Teenie laughed and tease.

These thoughts seem to tangle around my finger tips keeping them held still. They wait. They fight. They never make a single key stroke then my time is up. I have to move on. The dogs need out. The baby needs a bottle. Mom is calling for me. I need to get to the farm. Laundry needs switched or dishes need done. My break from life is over its time to crash back into reality. Sink or swim and half the time I feel myself sinking.

*sighs* I need to go put my plate in the dishwasher then maybe I'll start working on Bread Crumbs. I've ideas for some oneshots. Mostly based around Autumn and Dean, Teenie needs some more time. I'm so tired and never seem to have enough hours any more.

Life is a constant race anymore. I'm up at 7 and crawling into bed at midnight. I pack my days with watching Ethan, tending animals, moving grandma, running errands, and discussing a daycare I may be opening. Elizabeth is great. She's offered me her car if I get my license which I REALLY must do. She's fronting the money for this daycare. She spoils me I fear. I jokingly wonder if I've aquired a sugra mamma.  Anyway there are things that must be done, even at this late hour.

TTYL

Sarah