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Yo Mama Jokes - You Momma Jokes - SO FAT - SO STUPID

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YO MAMA JOKES >>
================



YO MOMMA JOKES >>
=================

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YO MAMA SO FAT >>
=================

she has to buy two airline tickets.

she has been declared a natural habitat for Condors

she cant reach her back pocket

she sat on a dollar and squeezed a booger out George Washington's
nose.

one day she was lifting up her rolls and a car fell out.

she was baptised in the ocean.

she left the house in high heels and when she came back she had on
flip flops.

when she walked in front of the TV I missed 3 commercials

when she lies on the beach, no one else gets sun

the last time she saw 90210 was on a scale

it takes her two trips to haul ass

she tried to get an all-over tan, and the sun burned out

her legs is like spoiled milk - white & chunky!

I had to take a train and two buses just to get on the bitches good
side!

when she gets in an elevator, it HAS to go down.

her belly button's got an echo

when she goes to the beach, the kids yell, "Free Willy"

her neck looks like a pair of hot dogs!

when she wears a yellow raincoat, folks run after her yelling "TAXI"

at a restaurant when they give her the menu she replies " yes Please"

the National Weather Agency assigns names to her farts

she needs to put a bookmark in her folds to find her belly button

they tie a rope around her shoulders and drag her through tunnel when
they want to clean it

when she steps on the scale it says one at a time please

she steps on a scale & it goes one at a time please

she makes Big Bird look like a rubber duck.

all the restaurants in town have signs that say: "Maximum Occupancy:
240 Patrons OR Yo Mama"

when she brought her dress to the cleaners, they said "Sorry, we don't
do curtains"

whenever she goes to the beach the tide comes in!

when she sits at the beach, Greenpeace tries to tow her back into the
ocean

she stands in two time zones

and you're so poor, when she comes in your house the tires pop.

when she sits on my face I can't hear the stereo

cows graze by her for the shade

all the chairs in her house have seatbelts.

when I said I wanted "Pigs in a blanket" she got back in bed.

God couldn't light Earth till she moved!

she fell in love and broke it

when she went to get a water bed, they put a blanket across Lake
Michigan.

they have to grease the bath tub to get her out

she has to use a VCR as a beeper!

the highway patrol made her wear "Caution Wide Turn"

she's got shock absorbers on her toilet seat

when she sat on a rainbow, Skittle's fell out.

she was born with a silver shovel in her mouth.

she influences the tides

the only pictures you have of her are satellite pictures

she was mistaken for God's bowling ball!

she's got her own area code!

she has to put on lipstick with a paint-roller

when she went to the beach Greenpeace tried to drag her back in the
water.

she put on her lipstick with a paint-roller!

they use the elastic in her underwear for bungee jumping

she got on an airplane and only the wings took off

she put on some BVD's and by the time they reached her waist they
spelled out boulevard.


*****************



YO MOMMA SO DIRTY >>
====================

she has to creep up on bathwater.

she has to wipe her feet before she goes outside.

roaches ride around on dune buggies!


*****************



YO MAMMA SO STUPID >>
=====================

when she saw the "NC-17 (Under 17 Not Admitted)" sign, she went home
and got 16 friends

when she saw a "Wrong Way" sign in her rearview mirror, she turned
around.

the last time she saw 90210 was on a scale

she fell and made the Grand Canyon

She has to use a VCR as a beeper

she broke her leg, and gravy poured out

she had to go to Sea World to get baptized

when she lies on the beach, no one else gets sun

she sits on the TV and watches the sofa

she bought a video camera to record cable TV shows at home.

she sold the car for gas money.

after she gets through turning around, they throw her a welcome back
party

she sent me a fax with a stamp on it

she stepped on a crack and broke her own back.

when she brought her dress to the cleaners, they said "Sorry, we don't
do curtains"

she cant reach her back pocket

people jog around her for exercise

she called Dan Quayle for a spell check.

she thinks Taco Bell is a Mexican Phone Company.

she used a vibrator for an egg beater.

she wemt to Dr. Dre for a pap smear.

she ran out of gas leaving Texaco.

she got on an airplane and only the wings took off

she stands up on an empty bus

she got stabbed in a shoot out.

when I asked her to buy me a color TV, she asked me what color

she thought meow mix was a record for cats.

she thought hamburger helper came with another person.

when she went to take the 44 bus, she took the 22 twice instead.

they have to grease the bath tub to get her out

she has to fly cargo class

she only has one toe on each foot, but she bought a pair of flip flops

she got fired from a blow-job.

I strangled her with a cordless phone

the highway patrol made her wear "Caution Wide Turn"

she could be the eighth continent

she thinks Christmas Wrap is Snoop Dogg's holiday album.

she was Miss Arizona -- class battleship

she left home with high heels, she came back with flip-flops

she broke into a furniture store and slept on the floor

they tie a rope around her shoulders and drag her through tunnel when
they want to clean it

she's on both sides of the family

she gave your uncle a blowjob 'cause he said it'd help his
unemployment.

she has to iron her pants on the driveway

she ordered her sushi well done.

it took her 2 hours to watch 60 Minutes!

she thinks a 17 inch Admiral is a well hung sailor.

she put out the cigarette butt that was heating your house.

I taught her how to do the running man and I haven't seen the bitch
since.

she bought a solar-powered flashlight

everytime she walks in high heels, she strikes oil

she took a spoon to the superbowl.

when she steps on a scale, it says "I don't do livestock"

when her beeper goes off, people think she's backing up

even Bill Gates couldn't pay for her liposuction


*****************



YO MOMA SO UGLY >>
==================

she left home with high heels, she came back with flip-flops

she has to iron her pants on the driveway

when she was born, the doctor slapped the wrong end

that if ugly were bricks she'd have her own projects.

she cant tie her own shoes

she uses a hula hoop to hold up her socks

they knew what time she was born, because her face stopped the clock!

she broke into a furniture store and slept on the floor

she farted and put herself into an orbit

she stepped on a talking scale and it said @#**&^%

her mom had to tie a steak around her neck to get the dogs to play
with her.

she wakes up in sections

they push her face into dough to make cookies.

cows graze by her for the shade

when she was born, they put her in an incubator with tinted windows

when she steps on a scale, it says "I don't do livestock"

when she passes by your bathroom, the toilet flushes

your daddy takes her to work so he doesn't need to kiss her goodbye

her mom had to be drunk to breast feed her

she has to put on lipstick with a paint-roller

she tried to get an all-over tan, and the sun burned out

she broke her leg, and gravy poured out

when she joined an ugly contest, they said "Sorry, no professionals."

she got on an airplane and only the wings took off

she wears a watch on each arm One for each time zone

she gets clothes in three sizes: extra large, jumbo, and
oh-my-god-it's-coming-towards-us

when she went to the zoo, the elephants threw peanuts at her

when her beeper goes off, people think she's backing up

they filmed "Gorillas in the Mist" in her shower

she's got shock absorbers on her toilet seat

she spent twenty minutes staring at the orange juice carton because it
said "Concentrate"

they didn't give her a costume when she tried out for Star Wars.

when she steps on a scale, it says "To be continued"

the only thing attracted to her is gravity

she turned Medusa to stone!

I strangled her with a cordless phone

she needs a building permit for her girdle

everytime she walks in high heels, she strikes oil

when she sits on my face I can't hear the stereo

small objects tend to orbit her

she got fired from the M&M factory for throwing away the W's

she stands in two time zones

the last time she saw 90210 was on a scale

she took your dog to the Canine Show and won your dog came in second

that when she sits in the sand on the beach, cats try to bury her.

she don't take pictures, she takes posters

when she sat on a dollar bill, blood came out of George Washington's
nose

when you get on top of her your ears pop

she influences the tides

she has been declared a natural habitat for Condors

a picture of her would fall off the wall

when I took her to the zoo, a guy at the door said, "Thanks for
bringing her back"

she has her own zip code

she shows up on radar

when she lies on the beach, no one else gets sun


*****************



YO MAMA SO OLD >>
=================

when she was born, the Dead Sea was just getting sick.

she owes Jesus a nickel.

the candles cost more than the birthday cake.

her social security number is 1.

I told her to act her own age, and the bitch died.

she owes Jesus 3 bucks!

she squirts powdered milk out her nipples.

she has all the apostles in her black book.

her birth certificate is in Roman numerals.

she took her drivers test on a dinosaur.

when she was young rainbows were black and white.



she has a Jesus Starter jacket.

when Moses split the red sea, she was on the other side fishing.

she planted the first tree at Central Park.

she's got Jesus' beeper number.

she has Adam & Eve's autographs.

she drove a chariot to high school.

the key on Ben Franklin's kite was to her apartment.

when she reads the bible she reminisces.

she was a waitress at the last supper.

she used to baby-sit Jesus.

she has a picture of Jesus in her yearbook.

her birthday expired.

that when God said let the be light, she hit the switch'

she watches PBS.

she walked into an antique store and they kept her.

she baby-sat for Jesus.

she was a waitress at the Last Supper.

Jurassic Park brought back memories.

she has Jesus' beeper number!

she sat next to Jesus in third grade.

she knew the Beetles when they were the New Kids on the Block.

when she was in school there was no history class.

she farts out mummy dust.

she has an autographed bible.

she owes Fred Flintstone a food stamp.

she ran track with dinosaurs.

her birth certificate says expired on it.

I told her to act her age and the bitch died.

when God said "Let their be light", she flipped the switch.

she co-wrote the ten commandments.

she used to baby-sit Yoda.

she sat behind Jesus in the third grade.

her memory is in black and white.

her birth-certificate expired.

when god said "let there be light" she was there to flick the switch.

she owes Moses a quarter.

and stupid she knew the Virgin Mary when she was 10 and said, "Li'l
Mary will never amount to anything".

she's in Jesus's yearbook!

she's got hieroglyphics on her driver's license.

she knew Burger King while he was still a prince.

she has a picture of Moses in her yearbook.


*****************



YO MOMMA SO POOR >>
===================

when she goes to KFC, she has to lick other people's fingers!!!

when I saw her kicking a can down the street, I asked her what she was
doing, she said "Moving."

she drives a peanut.

she goes to Kentucky Fried Chicken to lick other people's fingers.

when I ring the doorbell I hear the toilet flush!

she went to McDonald's and put a milkshake on layaway.

her face is on the front of a foodstamp.

when I ring the doorbell she says,"DING!"

she can't afford to pay attention!

your family ate cereal with a fork to save milk.

she was in K-Mart with a box of Hefty bags. I said, "What ya doin'?"
She said, "Buying luggage."

she waves around a popsicle stick and calls it air conditioning.


*****************



YO MAMMA SO DARK >>
===================

she has to wear white gloves when she eats Tootsie Rolls to keep from
eating her fingers.

she spits chocolate milk!

she went to night school and was marked absent!

that she can leave fingerprints on charcoal.


*****************



YO MOMA SO SHORT >>
===================

she does backflips under the bed.

she poses for trophies!

she can play handball on the curb.

you can see her feet on her drivers lisence!

she has to use a ladder to pick up a dime.


*****************



YO MAMA SO NASTY >>
===================

she has a sign by her pussy that says: "Warning: May cause irritation,
drowsiness, and a rash or breakouts."

she's got more clap than an auditorium.

the fishery be paying her to leave

she has to creep up on bathwater.

a skunk smelled her ass and passed out.

her crabs use her tampon string as a bungee cord.

she brings crabs to the beach

Ozzie Ozbourne refused to bite her head off

she bought her boyfriend kneepads for christmas.

she had sex with a woman and got pregnant.

I called her up for phone sex and she gave me an ear infection.

I talked to her over the computer and she gave me a virus.

She gotta put ice down her drawers to keep the crabs fresh!

she made right guard turn left.

she made Speed Stick slow down.



she puts ice down her drawers to keep the crabs fresh.

that her shit is glad to escape.

she made speed stick slow down.

when I went to yo house said whats for dinner, yo mama jumped up on
the table, spread her legs, and said "crabs!"

she pours salt water down her pants to keep her crabs fresh

her tits give sour milk.

when she goes to a hair salon, she told the stylist to cut her hair
and she opened up her shirt

she made Right Guard turn left.

she only changes her drawers once every 10000 miles.

she has more crabs then Red Lobster.

they call her Norelco... Home of the triple head.

she went swimming and made the Dead Sea.

when I went to yo house said whats for dinner, yo mama put her foot up
on the table and said "Corn!"

she breeds crabs.

she went to a hair salon and told the stylist to cut her hair, then
she opened up her blouse!!


*****************



YO MOMMA LIKE >>
================

a Chinese restaurant, $4.95 all you can eat.

an ATM, open 24 hours.

a gas station... you gotta pay before you pump.

a T.V. set, even a three year old can turn her on!

a bowling ball, she always winds up in the gutter.

a turtle, once she's on her back she's fucked.

a hardware store: 4 cents a screw!

a paper towel, she picks up all kinds of slimy wet stuff.

a telephone, even a 3 year old can pick her up.

a doorknob, everyone gets a turn!

a race car driver, she burns a lot of rubbers.

potato chips-- Fri-to Lay

the Pillsbury dough boy - everybody pokes her.

cake mix, 15 servings per package!

a screen door, after a couple of bangs she loosens up.

a Christmas tree, everybody hangs balls on her.

a TV, even a 2 year old could turn her on.

a 5 foot tall basketball hoop, it ain't that hard to score.

a nickel, she ain't worth a dime.

a hockey player, she only showers after three periods.

Discover card, she gives cash back.

the Bermuda Triangle, they both swallow a lot of seamen.

a streetlamp, you can find her turned on at night on any street
corner.

a carpenter's dream, flat as a board and easy to nail.

a Toyota: "Oh what a feelin'!"

a bowling ball... round, heavy, and you can fit three fingers in.

Dominoes Pizza, something for nothing.

a refridgerator: everyone likes to put their meat in her!

the Panama Canal, vessels full of seamen pass through her everyday.

the pillbury doughboy - everyone gets a poke!

a vacuum cleaner... a real good suck.

a rifle... four cocks and she's loaded.

a shotgun, one cock and she blows.

a bowling ball, she gets picked up, fingered, thrown down the gutter,
and she still l comes back for more.

a championship ring, everybody puts a finger in her.

Denny's... open 24 hours.

a brick, dirty, flat on both sides, and always getting laid by
Mexicans.

a light switch, even a little kid can turn her on.

an ice cream cone... everyone gets a lick.

a window, always open.

Pizza Hut, if she isn't there in 30 minutes... it's free.

7-Eleven... open all night, hot to go, and for 89 cents you can get a
slurpy.

Sprint, 10 cents a minute anywhere in the country.

McDonalds... over 5 billion served world wide.

a vaccuum cleaner.....a real good suck.

a library, open to the public.

a dollar bill, she gets handled all across the country.

a hardware store, 25 cents a screw.

McDonalds... What you want is what you get.

a bubble gum machine, 5 cents a blow.

a Toyota, "OOooh what a feeling!"

a refridgerator, everyone puts their meat in her.

cheap liquor, tastes like shit.

a golf course, everyone GETS a hole in one!

a bag of potato chips, "Free-To-Lay."


*****************



YO MAMMA SO HAIRY >>
====================

she has afros on her nipples.

she shaved her ass and she disappeared.

she got a trim and lost 10 pounds.

her breasts look like coconuts.

she shaves with a weedwacker.

she's a stunt double for Chubaca in Star Wars.

she spread her legs and said, "We're going to Busch Gardens."

Bigfoot is taking her picture!

if I shaved her legs, I could supply wigs for the entire Hair Club for
Men.

she's got afros on her nipples!

you almost died of rug burn at birth.

she look like she got Buchwheat in a headlock.

she wears a Nike tag on her weave so now everybody calls her Hair
Jordan.


*****************



YO MOMA SO SLUTTY >>
====================

is so long, its growing all the way down to her dick.

she could suck the chrome off a trailer hitch ball!

she was on the cover of wheaties, with her legs open, and it said
"breakfast of the champs"

I fucked her and I's a chick!

she had her own "Hands across her ass" charity drive

when she got a new mini skirt, everyone commented on her nice belt!

that I could've been your daddy, but the guy in line behind me had the
correct change.

she blind and seeing another man.

she could suck-start a Harley!

that when she heard Santa Claus say HO HO HO she thought she was
getting it three times.


*****************



YO MAMA SO BIG >>
=================

she thought Barnum & Bailey were clothing designers.

she rollerskates on busses.

she whistles bass. she uses bowling balls for earrings.

when you climb on top of her your ears pop.

when she went to the airport and said she wanted to fly they stamped
Goodyear on her and sent her out to the runway.

when I fingered her I lost a watch and two rings!

she uses the interstate for a Slip `n Slide.

her belly button's got an echo.

when she goes in the water at the beach she changes the tide.

when she stands up the sun goes out

that they had to change "One size fit's all" to "One size fits most"

you can go bowling with her boogers!

they had to paint a stripe down her back to see if she was walking or
rolling.

she makes Pinochio look like a cat!

she can't wear an X jacket cause helicopters kept landing on her back.


*****************



YO MOMMA SO GREASY >>
=====================

Texaco buys Oil from her

she sweats Crisco!

she used bacon as a band-aid!


*****************



YO MAMMA SO YELLOW >>
=====================

she spits butter!

traffic slows down when she smiles!


*****************



YO MOMA SO LAZY >>
==================

she thinks a two-income family is where yo daddy has two jobs.


*****************



YO MAMA SO SKINNY >>
====================

she hula hoops with a cheerio

she turned sideways and dissapeared.

she has to wear a belt with spandex.


*****************



YO MOMMA SO BALD >>
===================

even a wig wouldn't help!

you can see whats on her mind

that she took a shower and got brain-washed.


*****************



YO MAMMA SO TALL >>
===================

she tripped over a rock and hit her head on the moon.

she did a back-flip and kicked Jesus in the mouth.

she tripped in Michigan and hit her head in Florida.


*****************



YO MOMA SO FLAT >>
==================

she's jealous of the wall!


*****************



YO MAMA GLASSES >>
==================

that when she looks on a map she can see people waving.

she can see into the future.




*****************



YO MOMMA HAS >>
===============

so much hair on her upper lip, she braids it.

a 'fro with warning lights.

a wooden afro with an "X" carved in the back.

an afro with a chin strap.

4 eyes and 2 pair of sunglasses.

green hair and thinks she's a tree.

a short arm and can't applaude.

10 fingers--all on the same hand.

one ear and has to take off her hat to hear what you're saying.

a glass eye with a fish in it.

a short leg and walks in circles.



one leg and a bicycle.

one hand and a Clapper.


*****************



YO MAMMA GOT >>
===============

a wooden leg with a kickstand on it.

three fingers and a banjo.

a metal afro with rusty sideburns.

a' afro, wit' a chin strap!!!!

so many teeth missing, it looks like her tounge is in jail.

two wooden legs and one is one backward.



a bald head with a part and sideburns.

a wooden leg with branches.

so many freckles she looks like a hamburger!


*****************



YO MOMA SO SMALL >>
===================

that when she orders a large pizza she had to go outside to eat it.

you have to go outside to change your mind.

she has to go outside to eat a large pizza.


*****************



YO MAMA SO DIRTY >>
===================

she has to creep up on bathwater.

she has to wipe her feet before she goes outside.

roaches ride around on dune buggies!


*****************



YO MOMMA SO BIG >>
==================

she thought Barnum & Bailey were clothing designers.

she rollerskates on busses.

she whistles bass. she uses bowling balls for earrings.

when you climb on top of her your ears pop.

when she went to the airport and said she wanted to fly they stamped
Goodyear on her and sent her out to the runway.

when I fingered her I lost a watch and two rings!

she uses the interstate for a Slip `n Slide.

her belly button's got an echo.

when she goes in the water at the beach she changes the tide.

when she stands up the sun goes out

that they had to change "One size fit's all" to "One size fits most"

you can go bowling with her boogers!

they had to paint a stripe down her back to see if she was walking or
rolling.

she makes Pinochio look like a cat!

she can't wear an X jacket cause helicopters kept landing on her back.


*****************



YO MAMA JOKES >>
================



YO MOMMA JOKES >>
=================

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