These are the stories that I have published. Click on the name of the story, and it will take you to it. At the end of the story there will be a link to return to the list. Enjoy!
This story first appeared in Issue 2 of Bohemian Alien
They have fear in their eyes, the children, when they pass by my house. I don’t watch from the window anymore, but I can hear them. Their laughter stops just a few yards from my picket fence, and the sound of their footsteps increases in speed.
I don’t ever step foot outside my door and they’ve never seen me, but they know who I am. The posters, plastered all over town, tell them that. So I know why they fear me, and I don’t blame them.
Fear keeps me inside, not for those outside my walls, but for him who stands with me inside. The man I used to be, and fear I could be again. It’s been two months now, and it is killing me.
Pizza boxes and two liter soda bottles litter my living room, because I can’t think of anything else to eat. The same delivery guy comes to me; I know he’s the only one that will. He scares me, because of the look in his eyes. Not because I think he’ll hurt me, but because it’s the same look I see in the mirror.
I hate that look.
I spend most of the day sitting on my couch, just sitting and staring at the floor. It’s all I can find the ambition to do anymore. The only thing that I desire other than just sitting here is something I don’t have the courage to commit. The rifle sits against my fireplace all the same.
A knock comes at my door, but I don’t get up to answer it. I know who it is, even if I don’t know who it is. Someone wants a piece of me, they all do. I can’t blame them either, after all I did.
The doctors gave me medication that I can’t even pronounce. Everyone calls it mental castration, supposed to be more humane than outright killing me. They say it was a sickness in my head that made me do it. Doesn’t make it any easier. One thing the medication doesn’t take away is the guilt, nor the ridicule.
If I could just get rid of the guilt, and maybe find just one person that could forgive me, maybe then it would be easier. That’s an impossible dream, though. I can’t even forgive myself, not when I still see those little boys’ faces in front of me, and the things I did to them.
CRASH!
I jump off my couch and flip around toward the front of the house. Immediately, I see what crashed through my front window, as it already starts to consume the carpet with its fire.
My first instinct is to put it out, before it rips through the rest of the house, but I don’t. I stand there and watch as the fire licks up the walls, washes over the carpet toward the couch, and devours everything in its path.
I close my eyes and take a deep breath as I feel the heat come for me. I was a coward to do it myself, but now, maybe now I can find the peace I so desperately want.
This story first appeared in Issue 3 of Bohemian Alien
“Dude, 3 o’clock.”
I sipped my cup of black joe while Andy flicked a couple of sugar packets. Off to my right, I spied the pretty little thing Andy wanted me to see. My eyes danced over her curve hugging pink top and low-rider jeans.
“A little young, don’t you think?” I put down my coffee and took another bite of the key-lime pie.
“And this has been a problem before?” Andy smiled and poured the sugar in his cup. A couple of stirs with his spoon and he took a sip, turning ever slightly to take another glance at the girl.
“No, can’t say that it has.”
She must have felt our eyes burning holes in the back of her jeans, because she turned and smiled. It was a nice smile, but nothing to write about, really.
“Huh, you know it never ceases to amaze me.” Andy spoke with a mouth full of pie. I’ve grown accustomed to it and can easily translate his garble.
“And what would that be?”
“You and women. I stare at a girl, and I’ll get slapped with a restraining order. You stare, and they start undressing you with their eyes. What I wouldn’t give to be you for just a day.”
“And what exactly would you do with it?” I rolled my eyes, I knew where he was going to go with it, but part of me never tired of listening.
“The obvious, take pink top at the counter into the bathroom and have my way with her, a couple of the waitresses, too.” Andy choked on his coffee as he started to laugh. The spray hit my face and I grabbed some napkins to clean myself.
“Uh-huh, and that’s what you think of me? That I would just have random sex at any given moment?”
“No, that’s what I think of me if I were you.”
The idea was tempting. I looked over at the girl again, and her eyes met mine again. The thought of taking her to the back room of the diner, or even the bathroom, started to play itself out in my mind. A smile slowly curled the corners of my mouth, and she started walking toward me.
Our eyes locked for a moment, and she passed by to sit in a booth behind me. That moment was long enough for me to know, that all I had to do was ask and she was mine. Still, I refrained.
“That’s it? You’re just going to have eye sex?” Andy leaned back in the padded seat.
“Eye sex? I wasn’t aware of such a thing.”
“Oh, c’mon man! You know what I mean. The glances, the flirting. You get these girls’ hearts racing, and then you don’t do anything with it.”
The thought actually struck me hard, and painful. “I’m a married man after all.” How could Andy even think such a thing about me? I would never cheat on my Marin.
“Married, but you sure do play the game.”
“I’m married, not dead. There’s nothing wrong with playing around a little. Flirting brings youth to my heart.”
Andy chuckled. He finished off his pie and looked around to see if he could catch the attention of our waitress. “Speaking of Marin, how is she?”
“Angry about something, I don’t know. She won’t tell me. I don’t think I forgot anything, but you never know with her. I tell you, if I didn’t love her, I don’t think I could stand her. She’s always nagging me about not paying enough attention to her, or something.” I locked eyes with our waitress. She smiled and motioned with her hand that she’d be with us in a moment.
“Well, that’s wives, ain’t it? They’re not happy unless they’re nagging about something. Celia is always on me about caring about sports more than I do her. Tell you the truth, though,” Andy leaned in closer to me to whisper, as if what he was about to say was a secret “if she looked anything like the girl behind you, heck even our waitress, maybe I’d pay more attention to her.” He sat back into the seat again, grin stretching his face.
“Have to agree with you there. Marin’s cute and all, but she’s not getting any younger, you know?”
I do love Marin, really I do, but what did she want from me? How much more could I show her that I loved her? We’d been married for nearly 15 years, and I never once cheated on her, though I’ve had plenty of opportunity.
Even came close once. I was on the road, early in our marriage, and had a couple of drinks at the hotel bar. A pretty young thing sparked up a conversation with me, and I enjoyed it. I even followed her to her room. Things started getting pretty hot and heavy when I noticed my wallet on the nightstand. It lay there, open, with Marin’s picture staring at me.
Right then and there, I stopped. Now, I had an incredible looking red head ready to go in front of me, but I stopped. Why? Because I love my wife. I don’t think Marin will see it that way, though, so I never told her.
There’ve been a couple of other times like that one, but I never did it. Not once did I give in, because I love my wife.
“What can I get for you two?” Our waitress, Elizabeth, asked as she stood next to us.
“Another cup of coffee for me, and what do you want Andy?”
“I’ll take another piece of that pie.”
“Comin’ right up.”
“Did you see that?” Andy could barely contain himself, though he restrained to a forced whisper. “She totally licked her lips!”
“Easy Killer, she didn’t mean anything by it.” I didn’t believe that myself, but it sounded like a good thing to say.
“No, not a thing except that she wants to eat you alive. C’mon, you have to see it? She’s been coming on to you ever since we started coming to this diner.” Andy downed the last few drops of his coffee.
“I know, why do you think I keep suggesting we come here for lunch?” I laughed.
Andy’s eyes glinted with a mischievous, childlike look. “Ah, I see. You’re a masochist. You like to play with the fire, as close as you can get without actually getting burned.”
“Nothing wrong with that.”
She asked just as I took a sip. I choked back the shock and laughter, doing everything not to spray the coffee all over.
“Now,
She laughed along with Andy and me, then returned to behind the counter. I sure enjoyed watching her walk away, as her hips swayed.
After all, there’s nothing wrong with that.
This story first appeared in issue 41 of Ray Gun Revival
My name’s Ralph and I run the Alien Café off station Beta Nine. I know, not very creative, but when you’re the only place to grab a bite between Earth and Alpha Centauri, people don’t care about creative.
Running a diner that caters mainly to freight runners, you get used to seeing a lot of different things, and not much surprises me any more.
Having a dozen or so atomizing rifles pointed at me is getting annoying, though. Especially when these things always seem to happen during the lunch rush.
Pirates came barging in about ten minutes ago, demanding their black box. It’s always someone demanding something, and they always want it immediately. No one ever seems to just want to sit and talk anymore.
Of course I know exactly what their after, and who has it, but I’m not about to tell them. Not because I feel great joy in keeping things from murderous pirates bent on ripping my diner apart, but because I’m quite fond of the pretty face in possession of said artifact.
May fancies herself an archeologist of sorts. Really, she’s a treasure hunter, but I let her think what she wants.
She came in yesterday, grinning ear to ear, holding tight to her little knapsack that never parts her side.
“Isn’t it something?” She said. “This is probably the most important piece I’ve found, ever! I mean, this will tell us so much about the Natarri people. I can’t wait to get it to the museum.”
Really, it just looked like a black cube to me, but I loved watching her get so excited over things. It’s hard to find anyone with that kind of passion and excitement anymore, not in a place like this. Freighters are usually just occupied with surviving their runs.
Even other treasure hunters were starting to let the bureaucracy of the Alliance get to them. Not May, though, she was still as vibrant as the day I met her. It was infectious, so I let her bring whatever new artifact she found by for me to look at.
You’d think I would have learned my lesson after the fiasco with the Diconti Imperial guard.
And of course now, its pirates.
And they have their minds set on extracting their little black box from my hide. The fact that it won’t get them anywhere to destroy my place, or skin me alive, makes little difference to them. They’ll simply chalk it up to practice for the real perpetrator.
“So tell me, where is it?” The tall one asked me, think his name was Domo, or Donna, not that it matters. I found it better to let people have their hissy fits without interrupting them, it usually makes them happier.
And happy people don’t kill you.
“Look, Drackie was it?”
“Drakor.” The low guttural growl let me know plain enough he didn’t like pot shots at his name.
“Sure, sure. Look, I know you want your…whatever it is you’re looking for, but as you can see, I’m very busy trying to run a business here.” I tried to point his attention to the dozen or so pairs of eyes fixed on him and his men.
By the stark look on his face, I think it worked. For a brief second, it looked like he was going to change his mind and leave.
Only a brief second.
Crack!
His fist hit my face so hard that I bounced off the counter behind me. I stood back up and wiped the blood off the corner of my mouth.
“You know, I’ve met some dumb pirates before, but you are first class,” I gritted my teeth, and then stopped. My jaw still hurt too much to do that. “You are on Federation territory, and you assaulted a Federation citizen.”
“Check the Treasure Hunter.”
I clenched my jaw and winced at the pain. At the end of the bar, with a mouth full of hamburger, sat Sasha. I call her Sasha for two reasons. One, because I can’t pronounce her real name, and two, it really irritates her.
She was still bitter with May and I about getting her disavowed, or whatever it is they do when they kick you off the Disconti Imperial Guard. Only reason she still comes in the place is for the burgers. She can’t get enough of them, so she keeps telling me.
She also makes a point of telling me that it’s the only reason she hasn’t killed me yet, since I’m the only place she can get them without actually having to step foot on Earth.
Drakor smiled his toothy grin, reminding me of why his people were called the Snaggleteeth, of course not to their face. He nodded toward a couple of his minions, and they walked toward May.
“Hey, wait a minute! She says Treasure Hunter, and you automatically assume me? I’m an archeologist, thank you very much!” May clutched her knapsack tighter, pulling away from them.
One growl in response, and she handed it over, muttering under her breath.
“Bobby,” Drakor held out his hand, and the pirate tossed him the knapsack.
I know, it took me by surprise, too. A Natarri pirate named Bobby…but I digress.
Drakor opened the bag and I could see relief wash over his face. I dare say, even a smile. “It’s here.”
“Told you that filthy treasure hunter would have it, can’t keep her hands off of anything that doesn’t belong to her.” Sasha muttered, and was still saying something, but it's hard to understand anyone who insists on talking with half a cow hanging out of their mouth.
“Okay, so you’ve got what you came for, now you’ll be leaving, right?” I kept my eyes on May, I didn’t trust Bobby and his partner.
“Yes, we will leave, but we are taking the treasure hunter with us.” With that, Bobby and the other grabbed May by the arms.
“Whoa, whoa, whoa. Not so fast, Tex.”
“My name is Drakor!”
“Yeah, I caught that. You’re not going anywhere with her. You’ve got what you want, let’s not make this a thing.”
Drakor roared, and the atomizing rifles went back up, all trained on me.
The room rustled, and I was pleased to see that just about every freighter in the room were standing with their blasters pulled and ready to fry the pirates.
“Look, Drakor, as much as I would like to see the tiny one’s frozen body floating in deep space, I’m afraid I can’t let you be the one to do it.”
I don’t know who was more shocked, Drakor or me, when Sasha actually spoke up in defense of May, albeit a very morbid defense, but that’s big coming from her.
“Listen, wench, I thank you for your help before, and for that I won’t kill you where you sit. I advise you to stay out of this.” Drakor sounded tough and intimidating, up until Sasha decided to stand, and her eight feet of pure muscled Disconti body brought actual fear to his eyes.
He stuttered for a moment, before finding his confidence again.
“This is against the alliance!” Drakor stomped his foot, and I would have laughed if it were a different situation. Oh, who am I kidding, I let out a small chuckle. “You laugh? The alliance must not impede the justice of any race. Our law calls for her death!”
“Your law? You’re a pirate, and as such, you are not recognized by the alliance. So, unless you really feel like dying today, put down your weapons and walk away.” My pulse was quick, and I was getting anxious. If there was one thing a pirate was never afraid of, that was dying for what they believed in.
“I am not afraid to die!”
“I already said that.”
“What?”
“Never mind. Look, you might not be afraid to die, but how will you get your little black box back to the princess if you’re dead?” That made him stop and think. “All right? She sent you all the way out here to find it, she must want it really bad, whatever it is.”
“None of your business.”
“Okay. Still, she wants it. You need to get it to her, and you can’t do that if you’re fried. Understand.”
It took him an uncomfortable amount of time to think it over, but it finally sunk in. He looked to his men and nodded, and they lowered their guns. One by one they backed out of the diner, freighters still having their blasters pointed at them.
Drakor didn’t look happy as he was the last to leave. He kept his eye on me, until he reached the door, then he turned to look at May. “This is not over, treasure hunter! You will answer to our justice, one day!”
He left and everyone relaxed. They returned to their seats, and I could feel the collective sigh of relief as it swept over the place.
And then I heard the laughter.
I turned to see Sasha laughing so hard, she almost choked on her burger.
“Glad to see you enjoying yourself, Sasha.”
“How could I not? It’s so nice to find someone else who hates the two of you as much as I do. Can I have another of your Earth fizzy syrup drinks?”
“Even still, thank you for defending May; I know that must have been hard.”
“I did not do it to defend her, but to keep them from stealing what will be my glory one day.”
I turned toward the soda fountain, and quickly glanced at May. She stood, and had her eyes fixed on Sasha.
I remember thinking, as I went to pour Sasha her drink, that May wouldn’t be so foolish to do anything. I know she was rash and all, but not crazy.
I’ve come to realize I’m not that great at judging people.
CRACK!
BAM!
“AAAAA!”
And here I was worried about pirates.
This story first appeared in Issue 44 of Ray Gun Revival
Five years ago, Lady O’Reilly ran the Alien Café. She was an old mother with a penchant of telling her customers what they wanted rather than ask them. I guess that’s why I had such a soft spot for her.
Well, that and the fact her son sacrificed his life to save mine. That had a bit to do with it as well. We’ll save that for another time, though.
I ran freight from old Earth to the Rheingold Quadrant. Station Beta Nine served as my refueling point after I burned it all up leaving Earth’s atmosphere. The Alien Café was the last place I could get anything that resembled food.
“Ralph!” I waited for the obligatory greeting. “You’re not getting any younger, Ralphie. When are you going to settle down and make me a happy grandmother?”
I didn’t mind. Since her son’s death, most of her customer’s became surrogate children. I was just her favorite.
“Here, eat.” She sat a plate full of meatloaf, mashed potatoes, and corn on the counter before I could sit. Not that I’m arguing.
“Thanks mom.” I sat, picked up a fork, and began to devour all in front of me.
“Ah, Ah.” She waved a finger at me.
I put the fork down and said grace.
“Such a good boy.” She pinched my cheek. It hurt. Really, it did. “So, you’re on a shipment run?”
Lady O’Reilly wasn’t one to talk about my freight runs, so I knew something was up. “Yeah?”
“That’s nice. Where are you going?” She pulled up a stool behind the counter and sat in front of me.
I looked around the café, but no other eyes were on us. “Why the sudden interest?”
“I never could fool you, could I? Such a smart boy.” Again with the cheek pinch. I’m surprised I still have a cheek. “You’re not really on a supply run for the Disconti stationed in the 55 Cancri System.”
The meatloaf hit my stomach a second later than my heart did. “What do you mean? How did you know where I was going?”
“I called the order in, sweetie. I need a favor from you.”
I hoped the nausea I felt was from her cooking, but I knew better.
“Oh dear.” She pressed her wrist to my forehead. “You don’t look so well.”
“What kind of favor?” I pushed the food away. It would not have been wise for me to continue to eat.
Lady O’Reilly smiled and leaned closer to me. “Do you remember my niece May?”
Cute kid from what I remembered; she visited Jimmy once at our home station when she was a teenager. That was quite a few years ago. “Sure.”
“Well, she’s an archeologist now. Such a smart girl. And she’s very pretty.” Her eyes sparkled and her smile grew.
“I’m sure she is, but I…”
She shushed me before I could finish that thought. “I’m not asking you to take her to the prom. I need you to rescue her.”
“Rescue her?” This just kept getting better by the minute.
“It seems that May was on an excavation at the Ardian Ruins when the Disconti Imperial Guard took her. They’re calling her a treasure hunter of all things. You know what they do with treasure hunters.”
I did, and it wasn’t pleasant. They made them slaves; and I’m not talking the sexy ones that parade around in slinky lingerie while chained to giant slugs either. “What is it you want me to do? You know I’m not the hero type.”
“I will not have you talk about yourself like that. You were Air Force Star Brigade same as my Jimmy. It’s not your fault he saw the Natarri destroyer and sacrificed himself in blowing it up before you could. He was just lucky that day.”
How does one answer something like that? I didn’t know either.
“Dear, boy. You’re every bit of hero that he was. Maybe more so. Who was it that helped navigate the trade routes once the wars were over?” She grabbed my hand and squeezed it.
She had a way of really stroking a guy’s ego. I felt like a regular Han Solo, only better looking. “All right. I’ll see what I can do. Where is she being held?”
“The same place you were headed. The Disconti are expecting you. They think they’re getting some free promotional stuff from the weapons company.” She hopped off her stool and grabbed me a slice of pie.
“Nothing like having the element of surprise.” I muttered under my breath.
“Did I do something wrong?” She slid the pie in front of me and handed me a clean fork.
“No, don’t worry about it. I’ll think of something.” I think my cousin Mike could do my eulogy. People like to hear him speak.
#
I docked my ship at Blaster Cove, a freight runner’s hub on one of Ardan’s uninhabited moons. The metallic cluster of environment domes posed as a network meet up, but really served as a place for booze and girls.
It was also a hot spot for pirates, which is why I stopped there.
I poked my head into a smoky place called Joe’s Joint. Jazz music mingled with soft laughter lofted out the open door. An older British man dressed in a brown cloak stood at the bar with a young dusty looking kid. They were asking around about obtaining a pilot for some mission of theirs. I passed. One thing at a time.
“Mattie.” I found the California blonde beauty in her usual corner booth; alone in the dark. If I didn’t know her I’d wonder how she became princess of the pirates.
She had her blaster trained on my head without me seeing her move a muscle. “Ralph.” She lowered her gun and tapped the seat next to her. “Sit.”
I sat, just not next to her. I pulled my own blaster from my side holster and held it on my lap.
“Aw. I guess this means you didn’t come here to play with me.” She leaned back in the vinyl bench and stretched her arms.
“Tempting as always, but no. I need your help.”
Mattie leaned forward with her elbows on the table. Her light blue eyes danced with excitement. “The infamous Butcher of the Natarri comes to seek help from their princess? Can it be?”
“You know you had just as much to do with that as I did.”
“No. When you and Jimmy flew that mission to Nattorose is when I left the Star Brigade.”
No matter how many times she brought it up, it still hurt. “You left without a word and became princess to the same people that obliterated half the Earth’s population.”
“I became princess to a people who were almost wiped out of existence because of a few bad apples. And now, we thrive.”
She slid herself around the bench until she sat next to me. Her leg draped over mine and she ran her fingers over my chest. “Come now, let’s stop talking about the bad times. Why not talk about the fun we had together.”
Her all too familiar scent of cinnamon and gun oil triggered memories, but I pushed them aside. “Will you help me?”
She mussed my hair. “For you, sure. If you help me.”
I figured it would cost me. “What do you need?”
Mattie leaned in and purred in my ear. “I’ll let you know.”
The jazz music stopped. Mattie whipped her blaster out and fired a shot that singed the hair of the saxophonist while still staring in my eyes. “It’s not break time.”
The music started again.
“Still the same, Mattie.” I slid away from her and stood.
“If I weren’t, you wouldn’t be asking me for help.”
#
The plan was simple. I’d dock with the Disconti Imperial Cruiser and unload the cargo. While I kept everyone busy with chaotic paperwork, Mattie and a couple of her cronies would pop out of my hidden cargo spaces and trek down to the detention hold. Somehow they would find May, though I didn’t even know what she looked like, and bring her back to the ship. I’d finish my delivery and get us out of there.
Simple never works the way it’s supposed to work.
“NSangre tedel Asha Oaaringnth.” The green skinned Amazon introduced herself as soon as I lowered my cargo bay hatch.
“Ralph.” I held out my hand to shake hers, but she rebuffed it. “Right. I keep forgetting the Guard never shakes hands.”
“I have set my translator to English for you. Paperwork?” She was all business. That was fine with me.
“Sure thing.” I handed her the stack of loose leaf papers I had rolled up in my hand.
I stepped off the cargo hatch and looked around the enormous and strangely empty hangar. The faint smell of ship thrusters told me it just became empty recently. “You here all alone?” I asked.
“No.” She grunted as she tried to put my paperwork in order. “You freight runners are all the same. Paperwork is always a disgrace.”
“All the fighters on a training mission?” I hopped back in my cargo hold and pressed a couple buttons on the left wall. All the boxes slid gently into the hangar.
My friendly cargo inspector didn’t bother to answer me. She muttered under her breath while still trying to put the paperwork together.
“Let me give you a hand.” I snatched the papers out of her hand and was met with a low, guttural growl. “Easy, Sasha. Just trying to help.” I hopped out of my ship and leaned against one of the boxes.
“What is Sasha?” She followed.
“No disrespect, but there’s no way I can pronounce your name. So, you look like a Sasha to me.” I smiled and she grumbled. At least it seemed to put her a bit more at ease.
Out of the corner of my eye I saw Mattie and her men take the opportunity to pop out of their hiding spots. They silently slinked to the far right wall and ducked into a corridor.
That’s when the alarms sounded.
“Ah, crap.” I dropped the paperwork.
Sasha blinked and her eyes became black. I reared back and threw a right hook smashing against her face.
I think every bone in my hand shattered. An animalistic growl thundered from deep in her. I didn’t even see her fist hit me before everything went black. I felt it, just didn’t see it.
#
“Hey, hero.” An angelic voice sang to me.
I opened my eyes to see piercing blue-green eyes staring down at me. My focus sharpened to see the perfect face framed by short auburn hair. The scent of lilacs mixed with sweat and dust lightly filled my senses. “Let me guess, May?”
“My aunt sent you, didn’t she?” She helped me sit straight.
My head still pounded and I winced when I touched the goose egg above my right temple. “Yeah. How did you figure I was here for you?”
May nodded toward the other side of the cold white room where Mattie and her one compatriot sat. “You’re friends over there filled me in.”
Mattie’s pretty face was banged up badly. I would say the same about the Natarri with her, but they’re pretty ugly anyway.
I stood and slowly walked to Mattie. “You okay?”
She touched her fat lip. “I’ve had worse.”
“What happened to the other guy?” I asked her.
Mattie looked at her partner who cowered away from her. “He tripped the alarm, so I shot him.”
I made an instant mental note to make good on whatever favor she asked of me.
“So, hero.” May called from her corner. “What’s your big plan on getting us out of here?”
“Plan has to be revised a bit. The part about being in here didn’t come up in discussion.” I walked over and pressed my ear to the solid metallic door.
“Anything?” Mattie joined me.
“No, but that doesn’t mean anything.” I sat on the floor and pulled off my right boot. A quick twist on the heal and out slid a small laser cutter.
“I knew there was a reason I liked you.” Mattie purred.
May rolled her eyes. “He’s dreamy, I get it. Wanna tell me what you’re going to do with that? You know that there are guards right outside the door. Do you think you’re going to cut through the door before they shoot you?”
“You know May, for a treasure hunter, you’re not very adventurous.” I slipped my boot back on and stood.
“I am not a treasure hunter! I am an archeologist for crying out loud!” She looked like she was about to sock me, and I had enough of getting walloped by women, so I conceded.
“How tall is your friend over there?” I asked Mattie.
“About average Natarri. Seven feet I would guess. Why?”
“Because we’re not going through the front door.” She caught my idea and barked something in Natarri.
The lanky snaggletooth stood and lowered his shoulder for me to climb on. He hoisted me up until I could lay the palm of my hand flat on the ceiling. I squeezed the laser cutter and a small red beam sliced through the metal above me.
Within seconds I had a hole large enough for all of us to slip through. I leveraged myself on the Natarri’s shoulders to peak my head through the hole. Ear piercing alarms screamed once my head broke the beams of light hovering over the top of the holding cells.
The door to the cell slid open in blinding speed and the Natarri was shot from under me. I grasped the sharp edges of the ceiling and swung myself at the Disconti guard rushing into the cell.
Thankfully Lady O’Reilly’s meatloaf added just enough bulk to me to make an impact. The guard lay on the ground and I grabbed his rifle.
“I think now is the time to go, don’t you?”
Neither of the women argued and they stuck close behind me as I charged through the corridor. Shots exploded at either side of us and sparks seared my arms.
“Do you know where you’re going?” May screamed from behind me.
“I figured we’d just run around awhile and give them target practice. Sound good to you?” I fired off a couple of stun shots and cleared a path in front of us.
“I personally would like to go to the hangar, which is in the other direction!” May grabbed the rifle from my hand and ran the other way.
Mattie looked at me and smiled. “I like her.”
“Good for you. Can you grab the rifles from the two guards I took out and catch up to us?” I ran after May.
“Like you can move faster than me.” Mattie laughed.
May reached the hangar quickly and I admit it, I was impressed. “A cargo ship? You came to rescue me in a cargo ship?”
“What were you expecting? Buck Rogers and a star fighter?” I ran up the open cargo hatch of my ship with May right behind me.
“I at least expected something that could make a quick getaway.”
I hopped in the pilot’s chair and started flipping switches. “You just hold on and I’ll get us out of here quicker than you think.”
“Uh, Ralph!” Mattie’s strained yelp came from the hangar. “About that favor?”
I ran down the cargo hatch to find Sasha gripping Mattie by the throat.
“I thought I could use it after we were back at Blaster Cove, but this might be a bit more urgent.” Mattie gagged.
“I will crush her if you do not surrender right now.” Sasha growled.
I held my hands in the air. “Now, Sasha…”
Mattie gasped again as Sasha tightened her grip.
“Whoa, okay. I get it. You don’t like Sasha. Duly noted. Now, put her down. You don’t really want to be known as a murderer, do you?” I stepped closer.
“Of a pirate? I don’t see a problem.”
“I do.” I felt the energy blast sizzle by my ear just before it hit a shocked Sasha. The giant flew across the room and dropped Mattie. I turned to see May with her finger still on the trigger of the rifle. “Can we go now?”
“Uh, yeah.” I ran and picked Mattie up in my arms and carried her onto the ship. I laid her in the cargo bay and closed the hatch.
Back in the pilot’s seat I flipped on more switch and the ship roared to life. I hit a couple of keys on the touch screen in front of me and ship’s cannons opened the hangar door for us.
“Why aren’t there more guards coming after us?” May asked when she sat in the copilot’s seat.
“Don’t know, and I don’t care. We’re out of here.” Another couple of taps on the touch screen and the thrusters propelled us out of the hangar as fast as the cargo ship could muster.
“Is she going to be all right?” May asked looking into the cargo bay.
“Mattie? Oh yeah. She’ll be her deadly self in no time.”
#
I was surprised we weren’t pursued by fighters and I kept my eyes on my screens just to make sure.
We dropped Mattie off at Blaster Cove in the questionably capable hands of her pirates. She was already conscious and assured me she would be all right.
“You do know that didn’t count. I’ll collect on my favor later.” Mattie whispered and she kissed me.
“You two a thing?” May asked when we got back on the ship.
“Not anymore.” I flipped switches and pressed the touch screen. We lifted off and were gone.
“Does she know that?” May asked.
#
“May!” Lady O’Reilly screamed when we walked through the diner’s door. “Thank you Lord! It’s so good to see you.”
May and I sat at the counter and Lady O’Reilly slid a couple slices of pie in front of us.
“Thank you Ralph, I knew I could count on you.” She poured us a couple cups of Turkish coffee. The deep aroma was a welcome greeting and it energized me again.
May took a bite of her pie. “Yeah, he’s great.” She rolled her eyes.
“You never did tell me why the Disconti pinched you in the first place.” I let the smooth key-lime sit on my tongue for a moment before swallowing the bite of pie.
“I was on a dig and came across an ancient Ardian temple adorned with jewels that just don’t exist anymore. Next thing I knew, I was accused of being a thief and treasure hunter. I am not a…”
The diner door slammed open and an all too familiar guttural growl echoed through the building. “Treasure Hunter.”
May and I spun around in our stools and saw Sasha standing in all her rage. Her eyes were black again and she was ready to rip into us.
What intrigued me, though, was the fact she was alone.
“I think you need to calm down dear.” Lady O’Reilly said.
Sasha growled at her, but then saw the rifle in her hand. And then she noticed the half dozen or more other blasters pointed in her direction from customers.
She didn’t move. “You may live today, treasure hunter. The Disconti Imperial Guard may think you are not worth the pursuit, but not I. I will hunt you down and eat your intestines.”
“Sounds to me like you need some pie, dear.” Lady O’Reilly slid another slice of key-lime pie on the counter.
“I do not need…” I think that’s when the scent of the pie hit the big girl. “Pie?” Her body relaxed and her she blinked. Her eyes were their normal yellow again and her posture was the same as when I first met her. Sasha rushed over and sat at the counter and took slow, savoring bites of the pie. “I love pie.”
“Who doesn’t?” Lady O’Reilly smiled. “Now, Ralph. About your job.”
“What about my job?” I raised an eyebrow.
“Well, I don’t think you have one anymore. Not after your misadventures with the Disconti. I don’t think your boss will look at that as good customer service.”
I sank into the stool. She was right, and I hadn’t thought about it. “I, uh, I don’t know.”
“Well, I do dear. I’ve been looking to retire for some time, and you’re about the only one I can trust with this place.”
“What? I can’t run a diner. I don’t know the first thing about it.”
“Neither did I.” Lady O’Reilly served me another slice of pie. “You’ll do fine. And I’m not really asking.”
I looked at Lady O’Reilly and then at May. Was I really going to take over the Alien Café?
“If you make pie like this, I won’t kill you.” Sasha said in the middle of bites.
That sealed it for me.