Most, if not all of us have seen those blasted stork spots in the parking lots of various stores and businesses. I have a special hatred for these damn parking spaces because, first of all, they give the impression that pregnancy is some sort of handicap, hence the placement right next to the handicapped spots (or in some cases of extreme bullshit, are closer to the store entrance than the handicapped spots).

 

I don’t give a flying fuck what anyone says – being knocked up is not the equivalent of being handicapped. Why? Because, unlike conditions that are considered handicaps, pregnancy is a choice. That’s right – pregnancy is a completely voluntary condition. Do people think that those with genuine handicaps – ranging from weak knees to being wheelchair-bound – chose the conditions they need to deal with? I feel stork spots are an insult to anyone who actually needs a spot close to the door because of something out of their control. No one makes women get knocked up, so why are we catering to their crappy choices?

 

_____________________________________________________________

 

I have heard the whining from women who claimed they needed the stork spots – shit like, “Oh, I had hyperemesis when I was pregnant so I needed those spots”. Okay, well first, for those who don’t know, hyperemesis is a condition that occurs only during pregnancy that causes excessive vomiting and can be life-threatening. First of all, if you’re puking yourself to death, you shouldn’t be driving to the local supermarket and wondering if you should make box macaroni and cheese for Snookums and Princess for the fourth night in a row. You should be in a hospital getting anti-vomiting medications pumped into you, or you should be at the nearest women’s clinic getting the wretched little bastard aborted that is making you ill.

 

And if you say you can’t afford a hospital visit, well then, you most likely can’t afford to have a baby and should still be dragging your heaving, hormone-infested, fat swollen self to the nearest abortion clinic to handle the problem. Seriously, if you have a condition while pregnant that is so debilitating, you don’t need a special fucking parking spot – you shouldn’t even be driving in the first place. If not getting medical help (either physical or mental), at least stay home and quit trying to be a martyr, you stupid cows.

 

__________________________________________________

 

Aside from all that, stork spots just give pregnant women an excuse to be lazy pieces of shit. If people were smart – which they clearly are not – stork spots wouldn’t be practically inside the store doors. They would be in the far corner of the parking lot, or perhaps in another parking lot. It’s good for pregnant women to get some exercise. Now, I know health experts say women should take it easy while pregnant because there’s a slight chance of miscarriage if the woman exercises strenuously. But because women become repulsively stupid when they get knocked up, they understand “take it easy” as meaning “don’t lift a finger for anything”. And the stork spots only encourage the laziness.

 

As far as I’m concerned, pregnant women are no more special than the average person, so I don’t feel they should be specially catered to for their life choices. That’s like saying people who choose to live in the suburbs as opposed to a big city should get special privileges. Should people with tattoos get special parking spots because they chose to get ink injected into their skin? Maybe there should be different parking spots for each individual job – pregnancy is equated with a six-figure job, so maybe all employed people, from street sweepers to attorneys, should get parking spots just for them.

 

I’m all for helping those who are disabled because odds are high that their condition is the result of something that was out of their control. But pregnant women deserve nothing more special than what the everyday person gets. Just because these bloated cows can do what every other animal on the planet can do doesn’t make them special. Pregnant women and mothers are so catered to anymore that the entitlement-mindedness is abysmally high.

 

To all lurking pregnant bitches and mothers, here’s some news for you: You are NOT special, and the only thing you deserve is getting your heads examined for thinking everyone needs to bend over backwards because you proved your uterus works.