I’ll say this up-front about the subject matter: whoever invented in-vitro fertilization needs to be shot and sterilized with a pair of salad tongs. Why are people so fucking stupid that they would turn to IVF for a child? First of all, it’s very expensive – I think the cost of one round of IVF is upwards of $10K. On top of the staggering costs, IVF isn’t even guaranteed to be successful. Clearly those who seek and go through IVF have the brain capacity of a plank of wood because no sane person would invest several thousand dollars in something that has an eighty percent failure rate.

 

The biggest irony in this is that those who seem to be most apt to seek IVF are religious people, especially Catholics. These are usually the overly zealous people who are pro-life and who shun the evil pro-choicers for supporting the act of playing God with their baby-killing suction devices and labor-inducing drugs. Yet here these anti-choice, Bible-thumping wastes of air are willing to shell out money they may not even have to implant a fertilized egg into the woman’s uterus; I recall once reading of a woman who was selling her house in order to afford IVF – fucking insanity.

 

IVF is the very essence of playing God – hey, if the great Lord that you so deeply believe in wanted you to shit out children, it would be as such. But, when something is done for the blessed little cherubs known as children, it can never be wrong…even when the risk of having deformed, mutated frankenlitters is much, much higher.

 

Another thing about IVF that pisses me off is the fact that women who use it are getting older and older. Countless stories have been plastered across the news about women in their sixties who got pregnant through IVF. They call it a miracle – I call it utter stupidity.

 

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First of all, as agonizing as it can be, menopause happens for a reason: to let the ladies know that the baby-making days are over. If Mother Nature wanted women to be able to spawn when they’re hobbling around with walkers, then it would have been as such. Also, they tell women that pregnancy after the age of 35 carries far more risks – those risks are huge if the woman is pushing sixty.

 

These older women are so selfish about having a baby that they don’t realize they could easily die of birth complications – all that money and trouble, and for what? So the child can grow up without a mother? Do these geezer-breeders also realize that their children could easily be orphaned by the time they get to high school? If Mommy has a kid at 60, she’ll be about 77 or 78 by the time her kid graduates high school. I know life expectancy has gone up significantly over the years, but people still croak in their sixties and seventies (or even earlier).

 

IVF is the epitome of selfishness – money spent on getting an embryo injected into your uterus could be put toward adopting a child that desperately needs a home and a loving family. Shit, there are over 100,000 kids in the system at any given time. But, of course, people who want IVF clearly want fruit of their own loins, as if their genes are at the top of the biological ladder and will be responsible for saving all of humanity. If that isn’t selfish, I don’t know what is.