When you say the word "family", what's the first thought that comes to mind? For some people, they think "togetherness" when they think of family. Some people feel a burning hatred rising in their veins when they hear the word. The bottom line is, regardless of our choice to like them, we all have biological relatives.

You have Uncle Bob, who sits and watches television all day while drinking beer. You have cousin Norma who loves to talk about her job as a dolphin hugger. You have Grandma Ethel, who loves to talk about Grandpa's bad habits and bowel movements...and Grandpa, who thinks he's Napoleon and the president of the universe.

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Then you've got the relatives with the rugrats - they're usually the ones who you wish would stay the hell away from the family functions. Let's face it - you can love your family until the end of time, but there's always one retard in the family who raised a demonspawn annoying enough to make Satan off himself.

And don't you love it when these stunning paradigms of parenting dump their little hellions in your lap to baby-sit them at their convenience? Because you're family, you are required to baby-sit. Fuck the fact that you may have plans that day - the needs of the holy baybee trump any of your silly mortal human needs or desires. You feel you can't say "no" to them because they're family and you don't want to make waves, so you'll take the whelp home with you.

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I'll say this from experience - any child under the age of 9 will get into damn near everything. If a child sees a closed door, a box, or anything else that looks like it's been hidden away from view, they will want to know what's in it. If you've locked the door to a room you do not want ravaged by your relative's unholy cunt-devil, it will not stay closed for long. That brat will beg to go into that room to see the almighty secret you're hiding.

Whenever there's a locked room, a child's first thought is "there's something in there for me that's fun - I'll bet it's a room full of toys". But when they see there's no beautiful, sparkling toys, they'll play with whatever they can get their hands on. They'll find a slipper with a hole in it to be interesting. But what about when they see that expensive glass figurine upon a high shelf?

Trying to explain the value of any item to a child is about as effective as trying to explain Hamlet to a squid. Children do not understand value and don't care one bit if they destroy anything that is not theirs. And if that little waif doesn't get that figurine in its hands, tantrums will be thrown.

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Then you have two options: you can either submit to the screaming, pissing urchin and give it the figurine and pray that they do not destroy it, or you can try and think of another way to entertain the child.

Nothing on the face of the earth is quite as annoying as when you're forced to baby-sit and you have next to nothing in your home to entertain a child. Why these shitheads insist on dropping their mistakes off in the home of someone who does not have the means to entertain kids eludes me. Do they think that someone without children is going to have a library of Barney sing-along videos or a closet-full of toys? It's possible, but highly unlikely. Chances are, though, these tards don't care, so long as Junior is out of their hair for a few hours.

Your best protection against lazy breeder aunts and cousins is to get caller ID, so you know when they're calling to drop off their parasites.

OR, if you're family is rude enough to come to your house without calling first to tell you they'll be leaving their child with you for the day, lock all your doors, close the curtains, and go hide somewhere where they cannot see you.

These cows think that, just because you have no children to make your life miserable, they need to leave their devilkins on your doorstep so you may partake in the misery against your will. You're always told to be thankful for your family...but when shit like this happens, it's okay to hate on them.