One of the more interesting controversies in teeveeland is the debate over the new Battlestar Galactica mini-series. A "reimagining" of the seventies camp classic scifi series, the new BSG promised to be a radical change in the way science fiction is told on television and made numerous changes to the original show's characters and premise that had fans of the original show up in arms. When it finally aired, the new Battlestar Galactica (to me) was a great show that truly delivered on its own hype. This Thursday night, members of the cast of Smackdown did a little reimagining of their own.
We begin with an eerie sight, Paul Heyman's larger than life head floating in space. Halloween was a couple of months ago. Yet still it persists, telling the audience and Chris Benoit that the latter will never get another shot at the WWE title so long as he is the Smackdown GM. And across the country, thousands of children who've never even heard of Chris Benoit before are traumatized for life.
After the opening credits and theme song, Paul Heyman comes out and explains that he is going to build Smackdown on the back of Brock Lesnar just as Vince McMahon Sr. built his company around Bruno Sammartino and Vince McMahon built WWE on the back of Hulk Hogan and later, Stone Cold Steve Austin. Chris Benoit came a little too close to screwing up those plans, so that's it for his championship dreams. This is an interesting choice as it puts over both Benoit and Heyman. Paul could have for example, brought up Benoit's career in ECW and claimed that he tried to build that promotion around Benoit but Benoit wasn't up to the task. But that would interfere with the serious businessman's image which Heyman has remade himself in since his tenure as Smackdown GM began.
Heyman introduces his franchise, BROCK LESNAR! Brock explains that Benoit doesn't deserve a rematch because he tapped out last week and runs the footage of himself putting the unconscious rabid wolverine in a crossface and slapping his hands on mat to force him to "tap out." Brock plays to the San Diego (apparently Brock is convinced that San Diego is part of Mexico) crowd telling them he can get them all deported. Brock also goes on to explain that, like Benoit, nobody in "the back" is in the same class as himself. Brock has also had a not so subtle make over in recent weeks as an arrogant, swaggering heel. His shtick looks rather familiar, the arrogance, the contempt for the fans, the deliberate distortion of events to suit his purpose, the casual racism and insensitivity. The master plan is clearly to remake Brock Lesnar in the image of Jesse "The Body" Ventura, one of WWE's all-time great heels. A possible run at the Minnesota governor's office thirty years down the road may be stake.
Rey Mysterio, who has had the same basic image throughout his career with the exception of an unfortunate make over in WCW, comes out. Having taken exception to Brock's dissing of his hometown and of his people he challenges Brock to a match and we get the funniest stare down ever. He also takes a moment to get off a few cheap pops that would have made Mick Foley proud. When Brock starts to beg off, Rey even suggests (in his own way) that Lesnar may lack the testicular fortitude to rise to his challenge. So Brock offers him a non-title match with the promise of a title shot if he wins. Rey leads the crowd in rousing "you tapped out" and "619" chants.
The "Boot of the Week" is Bradshaw's victory over Rhyno and Rhyno's subsequent gore of the big Texan on Velocity last week.
Rhyno vs. Bradshaw
5 minutes
It's been a while since a development on Velocity has been followed up on Smackdown.
Rhyno initially uses referee Jimmy Corderis as a human shield after cheapshotting Bradshaw. The pacing typical of a slower big man match but Bradshaw's increasing repertoire of wrestling skills give him good chemistry with Rhyno. It's nice to see an old dog learning new tricks.
A "last call" from the second rope fails to secure a pinfall for Bradshaw. He follows up with a superplex but Rhyno recovers from it first and pins Bradshaw in a cradle.
Paul Heyman claims to have "dealt" with Nathan Jones and suggests to A-Train that he might "deal" with him the same way. He takes Train to task for betting on Chris Benoit against Brock Lesnar last week. Heyman gives Train a chance to redeem himself by taking down the "hottest up and coming superstar on Smackdown today" -- Shannon Moore. A-Train is confident and Matt Morgan is betting on Train so he doesn't want him to blow it.
The FBI's backstage betting parlor provides less used wrestlers with airtime and lets us in on future matches. The Basham Brothers bet on themselves to defeat Too Cool 2.0 against whom they are 2-1 favorites. In the background Sakoda lurks with a blue shirt worn in retro style. (Is he trying to reinvent himself as a samurai John Travolta?). This will unfortunately be all we see of Tajiri and Kyo Dai on Smackdown this week. Matt Morgan bets it all on 10-1 favorites A-Train to beat Shannon Moore next.
Shannon Moore vs. A-Train
2 minutes
Shannon comes out really selling the injuries he's suffered in the past few weeks from members of Team Lesnar.
Tazz speculates that Nathan Jones stayed in Australia because he was homesick during the WWE's far east tour. This kind of takes the wind out of Paul Heyman's earlier explanation that he had "dealt" with Jones.
It starts like your typical squash Shannon Moore match complete with Michael Cole whining that Moore is being punished for Matt Hardy's defection to Raw. But since this has been going on for a while now, Shannon started to learn a bit about how to fight big men and actually starts to rally for a short times against the 350 pound A-Train. He actually escapes a power bomb and upsets the Train with a sunset flip and a hand full of tights.
Matt Morgan and The Big Show promptly emerge and toss Shannon back into the ring and attack A-Train. And so Team Sasquatch goes out with a bang as Show prepares for a singles feud with John Cena and A-Train is prepares for a possible face turn. It would appear that Matt Morgan will probably remain by Heyman's side as an enforcer since his likely tag team partner Nathan Jones has quit.
Lamont shills for The Cat's "sweet feet."
They show scenes from WWE's far east tour. I've always felt that in a future turn, be it face or heel, that Shelton Benjamin should decide that he likes Japan more than anyplace else in the world and team up with Tajiri, trading his unitard for a pair of kicking pants that match those of the Japanese Buzzsaw. Bradshaw is shown with a surfboard commenting on the fun he had in Perth, Australia -- I always know that his new look was more California surfer than Texas redneck.
They show Rey Mysterio's family, his son Dom looks bored.
In the ring Lamont announces the arrival of The Cat who in his return to WWE has reimagined himself as a James Brown impersonator. Sable comes out but is reluctant to dance with The Cat. The skit goes downhill from there, at some point somebody gets kissed and somebody takes their clothes off. Unfortunately, only the latter person is The Cat and not Sable.
Chavo prepares for his match with WGTT. Eddie wants to know if he's going to ride out with him. Chavo doesn't want Eddie to steal the spotlight from him, he's tired of Eddie's antics. Eddie wants to know about Chavo's knee. Chavo says it feels so good, he might not tag Eddie in -- Eddie decides he's acting like himself. Hmmm. why wouldn't Chavo be acting like himself? As if we didn't already know.
Los Guerreros vs. World Greatest Tag Team (WGTT)
16 minutes
For tonight at least, things are back to normal between Eddie and Chavo as they ride out in another pretty lowrider. They show Eddie's interference in Chavo's match last week and Chavo's reaction to it. Announcer Justin Roberts really rolls his R's when he introduces the Guerreros.
Eddie and Charlie Haas lock up to raucous "Eddie" chants. Shelton Benjamin tags in quickly. A test of strength turns into a head scissors by Eddie. Chavo tags in and works over Shelton in the corner.
Comedy ensues when Charlie tries to interfere. He's stopped by referee Jimmy Corderis who is oblivious to the fact that while Chavo does jumping jacks (hmm, a distraction? an impromptu Scott Steiner impersonation? more evidence that Chavo isn't "himself?") Eddie is strangling Shelton with the tag rope. Eddie and Chavo switch places without a tag (Eddie smacks his hands together to make the tagging sound while the ref's back is still turned.
Shelton injures Eddie's shoulder with a flying armbar and tosses him out of the ring. He pops the hood of his car which will become important later on in the match. In the meantime, Shelton drives Eddie shoulder first into the steel post.
Following a commercial break, Charlie tags in and works over Eddie. They both continue to work on Eddie's injured shoulder. Eddie nearly escapes with a one-armed scoop slam. Eddie continues to try to tag out.
Chavo finally manages to tag in with a clothesline. He follows up with a back body drop. Shelton tries to interfere and gets a tilt-o-whirl head scissors for his trouble. Charlie whips Chavo into a neutral corner only to eat a boot as Chavo climbs the ropes. He hits a twisting senton which earns him a two count. Charlie lifts Chavo for a press but Chavo escapes and turns it into a sunset flip, pinning him for a two count. Chavo takes Charlie down with an armdrag and locks him in an armbar. Charlie escapes with kicks and punches while Shelton kicks Chavo's injured knee out from under him. Charlie attacks the knee while Eddie tries to start a "Chavo" chant.
Shelton tags in dropping off the top rope onto Chavo's knee. He puts Chavo into a single-leg Boston crab. Eddie tries to get into the match with some creative use of the tag rope. The ref confiscates the tag rope and Eddie sneaks into the ring to save Chavo and drag him into his corner.
Needless to say, Eddie tags in -- but the referee didn't see the tag and chastises Eddie. This gives Charlie and Shelton a chance to drag Chavo off and work him over. Chavo escapes his predicament with a drop kick that sends Shelton out of the ring. While Eddie tries to tag in, Shelton grabs him from behind. Eddie finally manages to toss Shelton back in but is cut off by the referee again (having a reputation for lying, cheating, and stealing doesn't seem to be buying Eddie any slack with the refs) as Shelton and Charlie work over Chavo again. Chavo escapes with kicks and leaps over Charlie to tag Eddie.
Eddie goes after WGTT with clotheslines. A dropkick takes out Shelton and a hip block takes out Charlie. Eddie grabs Shelton's hand and climbs the ropes for a armdrag off the top turnbuckle. Shelton charges Eddie and winds up splashing his own partner in the corner. Eddie monkey flips Shelton and then drop kicks him into Charlie. Eddie stops favoring his injured shoulder just long enough to side slam Shelton. Eddie goes for the frogsplash but Charlie cuts him off and superplexes him. The "Eddie" chants are getting louder. Charlie hotshots Eddie on the top rope. He hangs Eddie up on the top rope as Shelton lands on Eddie's lower back. He pins Eddie but chavo makes the save. Charlie goes after Chavo who uses the ropes to toss him out of the ring. Chavo follows him out with a plancha. Eddie does the triple vertical suplex on Shelton, stopping for a moment to back drop Charlie.
Chavo tags himself in much to Eddie's surprise. Chavo goes for the frogsplash but Shelton kicks out after a slow count. Charlie drop kicks Chavo into Eddie who is knocked off the apron. Charlie goes for an atomic drop on Chavo and Shelton superkicks him. Shelton covers Chavo but referee Jimmy Corderis rules that because Eddie was holding the tag rope when Chavo was drop kicked into him, Eddie is now the legal man. As the referee drags Charlie and Chavo away, Eddie grabs an air filter from the car and nails Shelton with it. He covers him for the victory.
They hype Rey Mysterio's match against Brock Lesnar.
They promote WWE's performance for the troops in Iraq. Several WWE superstars share their thoughts. Bradshaw is his usual super gung ho self while The Big Show is more heartfelt and sincere.
The Big Show comes out dressed in hip hop attire. This is something of a reprise of his old gimmick of a few years ago when he would come out imitating movie characters and other superstars. He challenges John Cena to a "battle rap." Show's rap is a bit slow and not all that rhythmic but it's some of the funniest stuff he's done in a long time. Cena's response centers heavily on Show's weight and Show's reactions are typically priceless. Brilliant stuff. Cena concludes his rap with a low blow.
The "Smack of the Night" is Lesnar's post-match crossface on an unconscious Chris Benoit last week. Cole and Tazz show more footage from last week's match and explain that the submission Brock used to take out Chris Benoit is called the "Brock lock" which incidentally is the same name most fans gave Brock's bear hug submission which rendered Hulk Hogan unconscious long ago.
Interviewed by Josh Matthews, Chris Benoit talks about last week's loss to Brock and Paul Heyman's promise that he will never get another shot at the WWE title. Benoit says winning the title is his passion and that Paul Heyman won't stop him.
The "Tale of the Tape" shows the size difference between Brock Lesnar and Rey Mysterio quite starkly. At 180 pounds, Rey appears to have actually bulked up a bit recently but we're still talking a foot and over one hundred pounds of weight difference.
Brock Lesnar vs Rey Mysterio
Non Title Match
16 minutes
Justin Roberts rolls his R's even more when he's announcing Mysterio than when he was announcing the Guerreros.
Brock Lesnar comes out to a chorus of boos from the crowd in San Diego, Rey's home town. Rey points out the "you tapped out" chants to the WWE champion. Brock mocks Rey's size.
They lock up twice, leading to more ridicule from Brock. He tosses Rey around a bit but the former cruiserweight champion goes after Brock's legs. A drop toe hold sends Brock face first into the second turn buckle. Brock chases Rey out of the ring. And chases him. And chases him.
Brock soon grows frustrated. He grabs the steel steps. Rey drop kicks them into him. Mysterio goes on the offensive but Brock rams him into the ringpost. Back in the ring, Brock goes on the attack. Rey is able to escape the worst of it by pulling down the ropes, sending Brock out of the ring. Rey jumps from the ring apron going for a hurricanrana but Brock is too strong. So Rey turns it into a sunset flip that sends Brock into the barricade. Rey goes for the hurricanrana again and this time he sends Brock head first into the ring post. Returning to the ring and climbing the ropes, Rey hits Brock with a cross body.
After a commercial break, Brock is back in the ring and Rey is going for a crossbody off the top rope. This time, Brock catches Rey in mid-air and hits him with a pair of back breakers. He lifts Rey up for a fireman's carry but Rey grabs the ropes. After shoving referee Brian Hebner, Brock low blows Rey. After choking him in the corner, he pulls Rey to the center of the ring and hits him with a pair of flying elbows. Rey fights back with fists but is nailed by a clothesline.
Brock pulls Rey into a submission maneuver. Then he tosses Rey out of the ring. On his way back in, Rey kicks the champion into the ropes and goes for the 619. Rey drops the dime for a two count. He follows up with a drop kick to the head and a tilt-o-whirl leg scissors. Brock catches Rey as he jumps from the top rope but Rey reverses a potential power bomb into a hurricanrana for a two count. Rey goes for the west coast pop but is caught in mid-air by Brock for a power bomb. He wraps Rey up for the Brock lock but Rey is too small for him to lock in the hold. So Brock just sits on him instead. Rey taps out.
Now that was a main event!
A "fan" attacks Brock. The fan quickly removes his hood to reveal himself as Hardcore Holly. He attacks Brock who retreats.
With Tajiri's storyline on hold and Eddie and Chavo having temporarily reunited, the big news coming out of this show is the continuing evolution of Brock Lesnar. While he seems to be drawing comparisons to Triple H as of late because of his status as the dominant heel champion, he's more akin to the Triple H of 2000 which made everyone around him look good and thrived on the fans hatred than the current model who is too unhealthy to justify his enormous amount of TV time. Brock's match with Rey Mysterio is a classic example of elevating a smaller wrestler by beating him. There was a time when Triple H could do that with guys like Taka Michinoku.
But the real template for the new Brock Lesnar appears to be Jesse Ventura with his swaggering persona and outrageous claims of his own greatness. Add to that the fact that Brock's versatility as a wrestler and his growing repertoire of submission maneuvers and you've got the franchise wrestler that we were promised when "The Next Big Thing" made his debut.
Although the inclusion of Hardcore Holly has served to make Brock look weak in the past, here it works better as Brock has already been through a long, exhausting match and can't be expected take on a sudden attacker. It also helps balance out Lesnar's dominance. In Chris Benoit, Hardcore Holly, and if healthy Kurt Angle, WWE has three credible challengers to Brock who with or without the WWE title should serve to keep things both fresh and busy for a long time.
They also found time to advance John Cena's storyline with The Big
Show and cut A-Train loose from the heel ranks. These developments
coupled with the sudden retirement of Nathan Jones should spell the
end of Team Sasquatch/Lesnar. This can only hope to further Brock's
evolution now that he will no longer be able to rely on his stable for
heat and must carry his storyline alone.
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