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rap: the official music of assholes

you hear it all the time. i know you do, because i do. you're walking down the hall at your school or you're in the mall and you hear someone yell at the top of their lungs "yo holla back!" this obnoxious voice penetrates your skull and causes a nervous twitch, which therefore jerks your head back to see what vile slime made this horrible noise. after your vision has regained, you see a female figure, about 5' 2'', caucasian. her hair is tied back in attrocious braids known as "corn rows" and her earrings are bigger than you are. know what i'm talking about now? thought so. this look and noise is associated with a type of "music" known as rap.

rap music is very simple. it is most always drums, bass, someone else's melody involving stringed instruments, sirens, and gunshots. overtoning this horrible medley of hideous garbage is usually a man high on marijuana speaking rhymes in a monotone manner. how these albums sell is beyond me, of course.

one theory of mine is that the shiny lettering of the artist and album name attracts stupidity. here is my own example of a cd that would sell a million copies in 3 hours.



so how do you know if the cd you're holding is, indeed, a rap cd? usually the cover of the cd has a big asshole making an asshole face. need some examples? no problem.

      

hopefully you should have an idea of how to spot asshole music now. stay tuned for rap lyric all stars as picked by me, coming soon!