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fuck you, posuer

here it is people, the new face of punk! this here's the punky Benji, of the new, out of control punk sensation, Good Charlotte! with such involved lyrics as "lifestyles of the rich and the famous, they're always complaining, always complaining!" how could you not fall in love with the juvenile antics of this over-the-line straight punk rock quintet?!

if you haven't noticed yet, this article i've been writing has been completely made up of satire so far. and why shouldn't it be? these unbearable little pricks are all over the media these days "bringing punk rock back to life" with their songs "full of angst and frustration!" well, hell! The Counting Crows write songs about angst too. Why aren't they punk rock?

of course, i know the real reason why good charlotte is punk, and the counting crows aren't. members of good charlotte wear black clothes, black mascara, spike their hair, and have patches of bands they aren't influenced by at all on their badass leather jackets. don't forget to throw in some studs and spikes, and the occasional zipper in various parts of their pants! there you have it, it's a punk band! fuck them. that little asshole benji has the nerve to wear a SubHumans patch on his pantleg, and then participate in writing the song "waldorff worldwide" ("everything's going to be alright now, everything's gonna be alright. get down stay up all night now, let's do this one more time!") man my head is banging so hard right now i can barely type.

now don't get me wrong here, good charlotte isn't the only gateway to posuer land. let's not forget avril lavigne, the offspring, and the starting line. and i guess you want an explanation?

avril lavigne where to begin? punk isn't a fashion. take that stupid sock off your arm, and remove that tie from your neck, before i tighten it to asphyxiation. her music is nothing less than pop; no anger, no rebelling against order, or the government. and to top it off, i've got two words for you: sk8er boi.
the offspring alright, so i'll admit that these guys used to be 1989. since then, they've been pelting out such super-punk hits as "come out and play" and "pretty fly (for a white guy)". it's a shame to see semi-talent go to waste. also, guest starring in "idle hands" doesn't help you either.
the starting line oh boy oh boy! uprising punk act the starting line! apparently being on drive-thru records is your first step to punkdom. how can you go wrong here? the drums are fast, the vocals are girly, they sound like new found glory, and they're on drive-thru records!

spotting a posuer. nowadays, a pos(u)er is easy to spot. they come in all shapes and sizes, but they all have one thing in common: they wear punk. punk isn't a fashion. take the casualties for instance. they play punk-rock songs, yes, i guess so (note: writing a song about being punk ("we are punks") does not make it a punk rock song). but their problem is that they are nothing more than another sheep in the herd. their pink and black mohawks and their ripped jeans give an unsuspecting poser the idea that they've just discovered something off-the-wall punk rock, but what they're getting is fashion punk bullshit.

anyhow, as i was saying: the poser is easy to spot because of the ludicrous asshole attire that they wear. things in this category include wrist bands, patches a-plenty, and girls will wear ties around their tanktops. retch.

posers and thugs are enemies. of course they don't realize they're both assholes, but who can blame them? carson daly tells them both that they're top dogs, so everyone's happy in their ignorance. the problem is that thugs think "punk" music sucks because it has instruments and it lacks the sounds of gunfire, while posers hate rap music because of the same reason everyone else does, because they don't have their own opinions. you will sometimes see them arguing about who's right, which makes you think that it's a good time to get involved and tell them what's up, but don't. idiots were put on this earth to destroy other idiots. see george w. bush and saddam hussein.

now don't get me wrong here, people. if you like good charlotte or avril lavigne, by all means support them! buy their cds, wear their t-shirts, scribble their ridiculous lyrics in your notebook, and whatever else! but please, for the love of god: don't tell people you're a punk rocker, and burn your attrocious looking tie.