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 YKISSING 101Y

Saliva Control

  Kissing, as with most mouth-related pasttimes, can be a water sport. Saliva is obviously inseparable from the mouth, so you've gotta learn to deal with it. And like many other aspects of kissing, spit control treads a fine line between ecstasy and awfulness. The one issue that comes up repeatedly on accounts of bad kisses is saliva control... or lack thereof. So get ahold of your spit!

  A good kiss should definitely be a little moist... nothing grows in the desert! An of course, if you're using your tongue at all, the kiss WILL be somewhat wet. This is fine. The trouble lies when "a little" turns into "a torrent." Very few people like to be doused with drool... especially early on in the kissing experience. So start fairly dry, getting a bit wetter as the kiss progresses. If you feel like there's entirely too much drool happening, just swallow some of it. Yes, you will swallow some of your partner's saliva. Sorry, but that's all part of kissing. A good trick is to work swallowing in with breathing... periodically take a 'breathe break,' and use the opportunity to do away with any excess spit. If you're really smooth, you can do it without even breaking stride... it just takes a little practice.

  Runaway drool is one thing, but licking all over someone's face is entirely another. We know VERY FEW people who like to be face licked... and this rude imposition also rates very highly in our 'Worst Kiss Stories' elements of a bad kiss. Unless you KNOW your partner likes a face-bath, restrain your tongue to the mouth/lips region. Licking during kissing, when done well, will cement your place among the "WOW!" kissers of all time... done poorly, it'll get you thrown on the kissing trash-heap lickety-split (or lickety-SPIT, as the case may be).

  So... be aware of your saliva. It is your friend. If things get too wet, dry them out a bit. Too dry, and you'll have to moisten them up. It's a fine line indeed... but one that comes with practice. As in all things, moderation is the key.

Kiss Tempo

  The tempo, or 'speed' of a kiss can greatly affect the overall character of the kiss. From intense need to slow enjoyment, it's all dictated by tempo. Generally speaking, the slower a kiss, the more romantic it is, while faster kisses tend to be more passionate. Changing tempo is vital aspect of good kissing... changing tempo smoothly and appropriately is a sign of a GOOD KISSER.

  When starting a kiss, the rule of thumb is to start slow. This just makes sense, and it lets everyone get used to the dynamics of that particular kiss. A slow start is a good introduction... and sometimes the kiss should just stay slow. Jumping into rapid tongue maneuvers can scare your partner, and is rude to boot. Athletes always warm up before moving onto serious play... why should kissing be any different?

  As the kiss gains intensity, though, the tempo should generally increase. This increase should be fairly gradual, and correspond to your partner's. If they are obviously enjoying it, and seem to want to accelerate the whole experience, then up the tempo! Kiss a bit harder and faster, use your tongue a little more assertively... all the time gauging your partner's response. If they respond in kind, then you're on the right track.

  A very important thing to learn about kissing tempo is that variety is the spice of life. Kisses that stay the same speed throughout get boring (if you can believe a boring kiss!)... so keep things interesting. If you've got a fast a furious kiss going on, don't be afraid to slow it down a bit. Gently lick or nibble your partner's lips, kiss the corners of their mouth, or just gently brush your lips together. Once things are slow, speed them back up! The contrast is the important thing... tender kisses seem even more tender if they immediately follow a good tonsil lashing, and vice versa. Be careful not to go overboard with speed changes, but don't be afraid of them either. Variety IS the spice of life... and the spice of kissing as well.

The Tongue and How to Use It

  Ah, the tongue... that warm, wet bit of muscle that can make or break a great kiss. Sure, all the elements of a kiss are important... but nothing quite moves a kiss to the next level like proper use of the tongue. Hopefully, this section will serve as an introduction to tongue-kissing (aka. French Kissing, Soul Kissing, Deep Kissing, Tonsil Hockey, etc.). Right now, we're not too worried about advanced techniques, but rather just getting the whole tongue-experience kicked (or is that licked?) off in the right direction.


Getting Started

  Getting a good start is vital to a successful French kiss. This may sound redundant by this point, but of course the key is to START SLOW. Tongue kissing definitely should be eased into, especially if you and your partner haven't done too much of it. It's almost always a good idea to start off, at least at the very beginning, with some closed-mouth or even some open-mouthed, tongueless kisses. This is a great time to really get your lips warmed up (see the kissing school section on lips for some good tips.) Kissing is all about sensuality, so there's no need to rush into advanced spit-swapping right off the bat. Take your time, get comfortable, and relax a bit before moving on.

  Once you're ready to start using your tongue, it's best to signal your partner by opening your mouth a little bit and maybe darting your tongue out just a bit. Give their lips a tiny lick with your tongue, just a bit, so that they know what's going on. If they're ready to reciprocate, then generally they'll open their lips a bit as well, and maybe lick you back a little bit. This is a GOOD SIGN, and basically shows you it's ok to proceed. If you like, you can hang out in this 'light tongue action' zone for a bit... it can be VERY fun and VERY exciting, teasing each other's lips with your tongues, sharing each other's breathe, and basically letting the 'kissing energy' mount a bit.

  When you want to move into a little deeper kissing, basically just do more of the same sort of thing... just deeper. Use a little more of your tongue, and let the kisses last a little longer. The object here is NOT to see how much of your tongue you can fit into your partner's mouth! Trust us, we get TONS of Worst Kiss Stories about people ramming tongues down throats, licking all over faces, etc. YOUR TONGUE IS NOT A JACKHAMMER, AND SHOULD NOT BE USED AS SUCH! The key is to BE GENTLE and SENSUAL, especially at the beginning.

The Tongue and How to Use It:

What to Do Once You're There

  When you're in the midst of a French kiss, it may help to think of your tongues dancing together. Keep them moving in smooth, sensual movements. (Some people swear by spelling out the alphabet with their tongues. We generally find this too constricting and distracting. The idea is to find smooth, pleasing movements, and to vary them slightly to keep things interesting.) Caress your partner's mouth and tongue with yours, varying tempo and pressure. Like dancing, sometimes you want to take the lead, sometimes you want to be led. Sometimes you slip and fall on your butt. No matter what, kissing is something you're do TOGETHER... so don't forget it!

  To get the most out of a tongue kiss, concentrate on caressing their mouth and tongue with yours, and really feel what's going on in your mouths. If you ALWAYS have your tongue in their mouth, and they NEVER have their tongue in yours, then you're probably not cooperating as well as you could be. If one partner is always trying to ram their tongue out as far as they can, then this obviously takes away from the cooperation. French kissing is not a contest, it's not a power play, it's not an opportunity to dominate... it IS a chance for two tongues to dance and play together.

  Of course, some people are more shy, or more unsure of what to do, and will basically keep their tongue 'back' in their mouth. Don't worry about this... but try to encourage a more 'equal' situation (see the 'Kissing exercise' at the end of this section). As you get more comfortable, the French kiss should become more equal. As with all things, tell your partner what you like and want... even if it's just through signs and moans. Encourage behavior you like by complimenting it or just melting into it... they'll get the point sooner or later.

  Another important tip to ensure good tongue kissing is DON'T FORGET YOUR LIPS! Remember to keep them 'soft' and to be aware of what they are doing and what they are feeling. If you are opening your mouth way too wide, or getting too concentrated on your tongue, then your lips will start to 'stiffen up'... a key sign that you're off track. Keep your mouth open comfortably, keep your lips soft and pliable, and concentrate on ALL the sensations of the kiss. Just because you've added your tongues to the kiss doesn't mean you can forget everything else!

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The Tongue and How to Use It:

Advanced Studies

  If you've read any of the other Kissing 101 lessons, you know that we preach VARIETY in this school! French kissing is no different. Once you've done a bit of tongue wrangling, back off a bit to concentrate on light lips kisses, or nibble gently on your partner's lips or neck. Interspersing varied, different bits of kissing skill throughout your session will ensure that it doesn't get boring... as well as letting you catch your breath, swallow some saliva, etc. Deep kisses will be all the more intense if coupled with light kisses, and vice versa. Contrasts are very noticable... as will be your kisses if you follow our advice!

  Some advanced tongue kissing moves might include caressing your partner's teeth... which can get pretty crazy when you're licking their molars, or running your tongue between their teeth and the inside of their lips. The longer the French kissing goes, generally the deeper the kisses get. This can be very passionate, but don't forget that people have to breathe now and then. Deep kisses are great when mixed in with not-so-deep kisses (VARIETY!). Once you and your partner are comfortable with each other, really take the time to explore each other's mouths. Kiss ssssslllloooowwww and fast, soft and hard, whatever. Pay attention to what you like, and what your partner likes. Remember that the tongue is not necessarily the be-all and end-all in kissing... it's just another tool to use toward great kisses. Use it wisely!


Kissing exercise: Set aside some kissing time to kiss each other just as you would like to be kissed. Only one partner at a time may use their tongue. The 'giver' (using tongue) then kisses them however they like, while the 'receiver' (no tongue) just has to go along and pay attention. This is espcially helpful if you are having trouble meshing styles... by only allowing one person to do their thing at a time, it lets the other partner really concentrate on what they are doing, without being all caught up in what THEY are doing. Once you've done this for awhile, switch roles and let the other person have control. Remember that great kissing is an exercise in cooperation and compromise... so pay attention and use what you learn!
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