"The APTX 4869... Has the power to instigate the body's cells to kill themselves. It also might give them the ability of incrementing. It all depends on our ability to control the cell production in order to survive."

- Ai Haibara

*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-

So what if, what if the body lost that ability of effectively controlling the cell production?

The reason: a horrible increase in the speed of the cell's multiplying wherein the body lost its ability of managing the growth. The cause: Cancer and the result was... Death.

The victim: Conan Edogawa aka Shin'ichi Kudo.

*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-

After a long period of time, the drug has achieved what it was meant to do: killing.

Unexpected, horrible and final are confined words that can only began to describe the cadence of it. It was far from being expected, too. No one, not even Haibara could've foreseen it coming. It was horrible because it wasn't discovered until it was too late, too late for even a complete diagnosis.

Death.. is so final, they say.

No cure could ever heal it when it strikes. No treatments, no hopes nor streaming tears could ever chase it away. Endeavors were hopelessly achieved, however, despite the very fact that everybody knew, but pretend they didn't. The future was looking austere.

That machine-infested hospital room had been more like a busy hive, regiments in and out.. in utter silence however.

It didn’t take them long to change the room to a much quieter one, with virtually no complicated machines. It was then when the hope was lost. Ran Mouri chose to appropriate him for her own. The last three days, she has forsaken school and encamped in the hospital room with Conan. She was his guardian and staying on his safety was her responsibility, a huge responsibility that she must carry.

Just looking at him makes her heart shudder. She didn't know what was more brutal on him, the onerous intensity of the disease or the acridity of the chemicals they treat him with. These two were destructing his body feverishly and shriveling it with no mercy. Wasn't it for his own benefit, she would have screamed "NO MORE! Just no more of these sick medications." She would have stood and told the whole world nonchalant "Leave him alone.. Leave my Conan alone!"

When they had decided to go with nuclear treatment, or whatever they do call it, she was the first one to protest. Why couldn't anyone see that his body was too frail for any violent treatment of any kind? Chemicals were just killing him off and aren’t having any remarkable effects. Nuclear could mean the end.

Finally they said that remedy can be achieved by some half-guaranteed operation. The catch was that operation would cost a fortune. Someone, however, has offered to tolerate the expenses. Someone who wouldn't tell his/her name. It was a matter of waiting until the huge sum of money was transferred and for the chief surgeon to arrive.

Whatever developments took place, she was coming short of being sure about anything. She was hoping, praying, that this was a plain dream she'd wake up from soon or at least he would come. Everybody has shown up, relative and stranger, even them, except him. She needed that mystery-loving idiot to show up. She needed him to come and solve this most perplexing case and hopefully tell her that this is all a joke. But he didn't - why? If it wasn't for Conan, at least wasn't he worried about her own situation of anxiety and sleepless nights?

* Yes, she still hasn't known. No one had the courage to tell. *

"Shin'ichi.. where on earth are you?"

Little she knew that the very same person she wants to see slept beside her on the bed of departure. She didn't know that it was he, she sees more than 18 hours a day. But again, had she known anything back then? It was apparent that she was the only person, that matters that is, who hasn't had the slightest idea of how far in misfortune things were. Not medically, mind you, she knew every in and out as if she was the head of the doctors team, but the other thing. The thing that.. you know what.

And it came close, really close; closer than the bow's front and its elastic string. It was that close to end the mysterious way everything began to wriggle. One's own jealousy and, quite confidently, genuine love had come in between that. The one, the famous one, with the sparkling motto "The truth is always only one" decided, after many lies, to tell that very painful truth. To some extent, she wished he hadn't.

..a confession was made

A life load of everything.. Every emotion ever known to humanity; every shriek of pain people have for each other, every tear, every regretting whisper, every anger-filled denotation and maybe a little apparitional smile had made that confession very true, a little mysterious but possibly the most honest.

It was back then on the 2nd day before he left this life. After she woke up from her three hours daily sleep, the three hours it takes for his treatment, he called her. Very soft, almost a quiet rustle, his voice was.

"Ran-neechan..."

A voice that always has cheered her became a source of her agony. Not for anything but that back thought she had.

"Yes, Conan-kun?"

But no matter how forlorn she was, she knew she must overcome any difficulties because... that was her responsibility. Was it just that?

"There is something important I want to tell you" He replied, in a low tone.

"No, Conan-kun.. You shouldn't tire yourself now. You should rest and when you recover we can chatter and natter as much as you like. Sleep now, ne?"

She stood from her chair and comfortably returned him to the sleeping state, but his hand clasped her arm.

"Ran, I don't have much time. Please listen to me." He said in that serious un-childish tone he always speaks with when things were at worse.

But in whatever tone that first statement was, it was just too much for her. Too much for her she could no longer assume control over her collapsing feelings. She fell on her knees and hugged him dearly to her heart, to her side. Too daring it was for her to think in such a manner.

"Please don't say terrible things like these Conan-kun... You will get better and we will go everywhere! We will go to the Tropical Land, to the library and the arcades... everywhere you want." her tears were wetting her words and cracking pauses and whoops through them "And I will cook you everything you want. I will roast you a beef and prepare you an ice cream." Her arms folded more around his small profile. He can feel them covering almost all his back, touching the fabric of his clothes unknowingly. "Just don't leave me."

He himself wasn't sure in what direction to go. He wanted to sleep forever over her warm and cozy arm. He'd be glad if that was the last thing he was going to have from this life, but it wasn't that easy. There were some severe mistakes that needed to be taken care of, too many bended lines to straighten, lies to recompense.

He was only waiting for the right moment.. Just give her sometime to get some of her pain off her chest, he told himself and no prefaces too.

"Shin'ichi is... me."

He said it so clearly he can't be more confident that she heard it. He can tell that she did perceive it perfectly for her movement become very still. He can tell that and more of what was going inside her head. He feared the reactions but the truth should be divulged.

As for Ran, suddenly her mouth became dry and glued she barely has let out the sound out of her "Shi~n'ichi?" Shocked and surprised with yet another unexpected disaster. She pushed her body backward and stared thoroughly into him.

"Yes, I have always thought of that" She murmured "But I was always proven wrong... by you."

Tears were unsteadily springing from the corners of her eyes "But why?" She screamed, not at him, but at the dismay she was in. Shaking her head lightly as the tears found their way on her reddish cheeks, she returned and hugged him. She had a million thoughts, paradoxes and complains; a million whys, a million admonitions and things to question about and say. But she just couldn't handle this truth the right way. She had exploded inside but chose it to be only that way. She wished not to hurt him; the one who have hurt her and made her suffer, anymore.

But what is the use of all of that now? She had her doubts but that was the last thing she would expect, or want, now. This even more painful; instead of losing one, she will lose two. The younger brother she wished to have and the one whom she... loved. Or is that so?

Despite her fighting to keep her composure, sentences would leak from even the strongest "Why hadn't you told me? I could have helped." She was lost again in a swirl of crushed afterthoughts so she wasn't caring for an answer. Still she went on "am I not trustworthy.. you saw me through all this pain and all you did is to play the role of the spectator. Did you enjoy seeing me playing the role of the deviated actress in this ludicrous movie?"

"Ran.. do you remember when I told that I would be back even if I'm going to die?" He spoke while his head was resting upon her empathetic shoulder, barely planning what to say "So here I am. I'm back albeit I couldn't ever bring back my physical body with me. Here I am with only my spirit. Isn't that enough?" He shook his head knowingly "I didn't want to bother you with the results of my faults and put you in further danger. I thought it won't take me long to gain back my original shape and be back to you to apologize and give you all that you've missed."

He went silent for a while; all he can feel was the aromatic perfume. He smiled; she is always in good shape. "Through all the things we went together, I have become sure about many things. The most important of which is how much I.." it required courage, go on "I love you." and "Now all I want from you is: forgive me."

In spite of everything she knew about him, this was a first in his history. He was never the one to talk this sincerely about their friendship, about his feelings to her. And despite the truth filling him, she couldn't just accept this as it was granted to the situation "I will forgive you" She said, pulling back away from him and standing beside the bed. She looked at the pair of his life-dehydrated eyes. They look all full with maturity and concern; the deep two oceans of them glittering with the sharpness that a certain 17 years old holds. Behind the oversized frame of glasses lies he, he who could never get out of this prison "...Only one condition." and she went silent.

She paced slowly to the backward, not giving him her back, and stopped when her hands could feel the grip of the door. Opening the door, she said the words... no clear sound, just the movement of her lips. And then she leaved.

Conan, who has read her, clearly, knew how desperate she was to have them both, him and Shin'ichi. She was very strong not to be shredded apart but that extra dose of emotion. He wished he can do more about it.

Her words were "..Please stay alive."

Ran ran through the long corridor until she decided it was far enough. She elected a room far from the patients' rooms and entered it. It wasn't more than the janitor's room. In the murkiness, she sat on the cold floor, her back to the wall, and lost herself again in a series of discrete sobs. "God, this is too much.. too much pain for me to handle, too much suffering. Why does it have to be me?"

To think of it, it now makes perfect sense. Why Yukiko-san came to visit the hospital earlier, exclaiming that Conan is her distant relative. And she now knows for sure who has offered to pay all the operation's expenses; everything was clear, but why didn't everybody remove the misguiding mask earlier by telling her the truth? Did they think they can fool her forever?

She dried her tears. The mask of depression shouldn't wear her face nor should she question anything until everything ended peacefully. In three days, the operation would take place, if death had only a little more patience.

The next day, she remembered, Shin'ichi's mother came. She popped her head from the door. "How's our little hero?" She said in her usual charisma, catching Ran in a semi-sleeping state.

"Oh, hi!" Ran greeted back "come in, have a seat.." and offered her the chair she was sitting on.

Yukiko sat there staring silently at the little boy who was looking back dully, like he was in the middle of another deduction ocean. Ran got the hint and more since she knows now. She put her hands on the seated Yukiko's shoulders "I guess Shin'ichi-kun no okaasan can spend some time alone with her son." and left the room to the shocked Yukiko.

Tomorrow was the fateful day; the operation should take place in it.

Everyone was waiting for a miracle... that just hasn't occurred. Death had come, ingeniously lurking between a night and its forenoon. No one could've seen it save for preventing it or at least slowing it.

It wasn't that painful in the immediate action. He slept and she inadvertently gave up consciousness, but only she has wakened up. No hard moments of departure and no ultimate moment of shock but that was the worst form of departing at any measure. To die without having the chance of seeing your loved ones looking at you, wishing they could switch their fates with you or at least share a part of your pain. It was unfair to go without saying any goodbyes, in the eyes language or the verbal one. It wasn't fair to die without even knowing you did.

And all that stands now is a grave, a lone grave that belong to someone dear. Pride and mystery coloring it pink along the blooms of the Sakura. The name "Edogawa Conan" inscribed beautifully on the cold tombstone. A grave that will soon hold the body of a 17 year old boy in the presumed age of seven but it won't be capable of holding his sorrows or his character, not even his name - the real one. And in this was a large part of the horribleness.

Security measures, everybody who knew stressed, the HELL WITH THAT! Ran has tried to object wasn't it a promise she has accepted. It wasn't fair for anyone to be erased permanently from the pages of history. Someone who couldn't live as he used to be couldn’t die as his real self either.

Covering up sounded insane at this moment, but they said that it must be done. He even knew and thus asked her to do so, but she can never hit that jackpot. Everybody, except of her, thought that it would be dangerous to announce the news of his demise as the famous detective Shin'ichi Kudo so that the Black Organization wouldn't know. It was so since the existing gap between their supposed murdering of him and the real leaving and hence, they might think that he had passed the information about their existing and operations to others and the police. As a result, they would come seeking the straining of everyone who might possibly know so all need to be covered up.

Whatever they say, all these people are doubtlessly wrong. She hates being a part of a cover up story; of a lie. It gives her the creepy sensation of being a part of one of the scandals governments of the world try to hide. She didn't want the case of Shin'ichi to sound anything near that.

The truth was no longer one. It has ramified into many so-called truths and bleak lies. All for the sake of what? Fear, ultimately. Despite what everyone exclaims and paints their statements with various declarations, it was a coward attempt to get away with their own precious lives.

Yes, indeed, they'd chase that org. but they would do it in the shadows. If things were up to her, she would have declared war on them. And sure enough, when she lays her hands on these criminals, she will grind their bones. She was not a champion in karate for nothing.

But that could wait for later, she needs time to redeem herself before the last goodbye. Before the funeral, she has many things to do.

Late afternoon, the sun was shinning its moderate gold upon the green field. The place was crowded with many people, not what you usually get for an ordinary 7 years old, but certain things can't be compromised.

Auymi was crushed-hearted and was on the verge of breaking out many times. The rest of the detective boys, Genta and Mitsuhiko were more than sad for losing their leader who, despite occupying Auymi's heart, was always their savior. His real parents, for the security measures, couldn't be more than mourners. Her father was looking pretty decent and her mother was unusually silent and looking with less sharp glances. Heiji was clearly saddened for the loss of his somewhat-foe and good friend Kudo. Kazuha was looking horrified with wild eyes and lost gazes, yet so beautiful in the black clothes.

She didn't care to notice everybody that was in. But due to everything she was the one who can cry the most without everybody starting to be suspicious. She was the star that day.. and she deserves it, she thought.

The atmosphere was too quiet for what one would call mourning with not many cries or whoops. Everyone was crying inside. She felt sorry for his parents for not getting the right to be sad about their son in the true way. But then, it wasn't long before the earth concealed him forever. Everybody can cry him in their privacy and only she got the chance to cry him wholeheartedly in the day of his burying. She deserves that.

*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-

Just about everybody was attending the funeral except her.. she had a different way of paying tribute.

Ai Haibara - no, Shiho Miyano has finally finished installing the system in her sister's apartment. She loaded her notebook with everything she needed. She leaved the system to initialize and went to the dresser. It was time to change her mood of dressing into something different.

The one-piece clothing, with the coverall of scientists, doesn’t appeal to her anymore. She would like to try something more feminine again. As she got dressed, she couldn't help but get sorry for the whole situation. If she had known earlier, it would have save her a lot of investigation and spending much time trying to developed an antidote that was ready from the very beginning.

When Kudo passed away, there was nothing left for her to do in this life. The fastest method to go away was to take it again; the APTX 4869. If that drug was able to regress her to a smaller body when she was an adult, it would demolish her for sure if she was a child.

The real world was different, she always has thought of this drug as a capable virus which manipulates the way cells function. Most viruses' treatments are through weakened samples of the same virus so the body can resist it little by little. In her search for an antidote, she considered that and tried to find the right mix, of whatever info she has gotten about it, which would return the body its normal size.

Never had she thought that the disease, in itself, was the cure. Never had she thought that taking the same pill for the second time will reverse the cell's function back to normality and never has she discovered it until she was desperate enough to try it again. It was a shame she fell short of knowing this. It could have saved Kudo's life, but no one had the guts to try that drug for a second time.

Getting elegant in her sister's own clothes now, she realized it was late for her to mourn or get sorry. Combing that standing lock of hair, she knows tonight's plan can bear no turning backs nor any slight error.

Very well, connecting the system with the telephone line, she was ready to rock the night with songs of revenge. Her ghost of freedom beside her, she tried to do what she had longed to do a long time ago. She has finally, after a long work, figured a way to hack the database of the organization and she was going to enter tonight... with the codename: Sherry.

It is fun to see what was new in a place she has used to belong to. Successfully logged on, she tried to access the APTX 4869 profile with the same password of 'Shelling Ford'. It was pretty stupid they forgot to change that password after she logged-on last time. Maybe they didn't know or even cared not to do so.

She was curious enough to continue browsing the DB of that drug as slowly as she can. She can hear footsteps in the back of her mind and still she browsed. It was disappointing, the little progress they've made in developing the drug. That wasn't what concerned her, however. She was waiting for that sweet, coarse pronunciation of her name...

"Sherry. At last we found you."

She raised her vision to see what she was expecting to see. Those two black coals who took her sister away were back in town again.

"Saa.. Welcome back Gin." She smiled wickedly and as much coldly "Aren't you happy to catch me again?"

"Hardly.." he replied "I am surprised you've surfaced again."

"I got tired of the cat and mouse game you see and besides.." she stood and walked around the table "Aren't you interested in knowing how the hell I escaped your poisonous room?"

"Heh, say what you will. You've a hard mouth and I won't believe anything from you anymore.."

"Too bad.." She said sharply "Because I will be the one who will send you to hell." and with that she produced a small .45 she was hiding. She felt powerful behind it. She felt secured and possessed with the curse to kill but she was surprised of how fast he has his gun before him.

"Do you think you're a faster shooter than your sister, Sherry?" he stressed with all the coldness he was known for "This time I promise I won't fail and won't have any fun with you. I will send you to your damned sister immediately."

In the coldness match, she can compete with him easily "I can try my luck." She was ready to squeeze the trigger but he was faster. Guess it was only in the cold emotions she had a chance and not in the shooting.

He cured her with two bullets, one to throw off the gun and the other was a direct hit in the chest. She fell backward to the ground felling.. nothing.

He smirked with exultation "Say my greetings to your sister in hell."

I failed again, she thought, I don't know when I am going to learn how to have good equations in understanding people. I should have known I was no match for him.

"What an easy and foolish prey" Gin remarked, he noticed that she was murmuring something. He was in a good mood, maybe she has a last wish and he was interested in just hearing it. He went closer but her voice was too weak that he had to bent down in order to grasp what she was saying..

In an oscillating voice she was saying "four.. three.. two.."

Suddenly he realized it, they were lured to this "What the? DAMN!"

An orangey-yellow explosion came out, shattering the windows of the place and echoing in the whole neighborhood.

Encounter them with their own method of destruction. That was her idea of avenging all the souls she's troubled with her foolish creations.

*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-

Ran sat on the blue sofa, her hands crossed around her bent-over knees. Her chin sank with solitude between her knees. The graving status she was in was far beyond the tears. She was shredded, fissured and destructed. Her whole being was exploding with countless reactions. She hasn't the sense of time and place at this time.

"Why? Why does he have to die?"

Of all people why was he the one? She cried him, the two persons that were him until her well ran dry. What's the use of tears now if they couldn't bring back the loved ones?

How powerless is love if it couldn't bring back the dead.

"Conan-kun."

The echo of her own voice sounded through the whole place. She used to call him that for the various reasons and he used to reply, how she loved the cuteness in his reply, "Yes, Ran-neechan."

And when she gets sad and lonely, the adult part of him will call her late at night to comfort her and speak with her as long as she likes.

To her, he was and still is two persons and nothing can change that view in her eyes.

Only if she could have a second chance, she would continue willingly forever in that direction. She will pretend that she didn't know and she would never ask any question about it. If only she would get that chance for a day.. or even an hour.

It's a sweet dream to relive these happy moments together again. Reality being it, she knew all of these could never be realized again but she couldn't believe what have happened. Conan's belongings were still here, the Shonen Sundays he read, the skateboard he used, the clothes he wore.. everything except him and his charm. She missed the childish expression in this place when the boys come here asking him to help them and how he, beyond his years, leaded them confidently to their goal. She missed the genuine curiosity of the detectives he can't help but show whenever a case popped up... she missed her own self in him. The colorful image he was reflecting her image in.

And now, nothing.

She raised her two embers and looked at the place. Nothing. It was dull and gravely quiet. The sun beams were entering through the fore windows, cutting through the written letters of the detective agency. But otherwise, there was no life. No him, no her.. no nothing.

She wished that he would come to her for moments.. It could be she has reached the state of hallucinations because he did.

He appeared in front of her, weaved of memories and desires and colored & spruced with depression. She stood, flabbergasted, hushed and longing. She wanted - no, demanded to have him near..

He was far in reading her own thoughts..

"Ran-neechan. Stay away.. please."

She hasn't obeyed, she couldn't offer to. And here she was, hugging an illusion. That's how desperate she was, but at least she can still hug someone dear. Someone she can safely assume he is still precious and real to her.

"Conan-kun! Stay with me please.. I want to be close to you." Her eyes summed more tears. Unreality filling up the air.. hugging an illusion: insane!

"Ran.." the voice of Shin'ichi came from the depths "You know I'm always by your side. I'm watching over you and if I could return, I would easily die for you if necessary. But please understand, there is always only one truth and that is that we can never be together anymore, at least for now."

"When will we meet, then?"

She said in great yearning.

"I don't know, maybe in another place. In another life time, but we will meet for sure."

And with that the illusion shattered orderly from between her hands. It streamed through the air as an ongoing wind carrying itself all over the world.

She convinced herself; at least she has afforded to see him again. Even if it was in her dreams or darkened visions.. She saw him and heard them, the two voices inside of him.

They and their principles are things she will hold tightly to like values that guide her through her life. She won't forget and won't be like other people that...

*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-

In the shell of forgetfulness, dreams were lost. Visions were gone and hopes have vanished. The arrogance of life twirls everybody in an emptied circle, once it arrives at the end, it would go back to the beginning. Its chanting pervades, in an eternal sleep, on memories no longer more than a page of a book known as history.

*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-

Note:

Directly inspired by Icka's awesome fic Immortality (Just reverse the idea and you will get the basic plot). Thank you for finding the time in your busy day to read this little fic, a review from your side would be even nicer of you. Arigato very much.