Every relationship has its problems.  On this page, we'll be covering issues like cheating, breaking up, taking a break, and recovering from these issues.  If there's any particular problem you'd like to see, or a story you'd like to share about your own problem and resolution, please send them to us!  Realsexed@hotmail.com. 

Cheating

Signs of Cheating and How to Talk About It

Dealing with Cheating

Breaking Up

Reasons to Break Up with Your Partner

Breaking Up is Hard to Do

Surviving a Break Up

Handling Heartbreak: Moving On

Handling Rejection

Communication Issues

Avoiding Negative Communication

Raising Issues Before they Get Out of Hand

Fighting and Resolving Conflict

Taking a Break

Fighting Fairly

Agreeing to Disagree

Sexual Issues

How to Fix a Relationship that is Too Sexual

Bad Relationships

Rebound Relationships

Don’t Be an ISFH (Insane Stalker From Heck!)

LTR Deal Breakers (Should you Marry This Guy?)

Emotional Issues

When the Relationship “Doesn’t Feel Right”

Dealing with Jealousy or Insecurities

Signs of Cheating

Suspect you're being cheated on?  Here are some signs to watch out for:

1. S/he often is very vague about his/her whereabouts (or lies).

2. S/he suddenly starts dressing nicely again (but it doesn't seem to be for you)

3. S/he tends to ignore you

4. S/he breaks plans with you, or refuses to make any

5. S/he won't kiss or do anything physical with you anymore

6. When you do make plans, s/he is often late

7. S/he is very secretive

8. S/he seems guilty, but you don't know why

If you notice any of these signs, it's time to have a talk with your partner.  Ask what's up, because even if no cheating is going on (and definitely don't start off by accusing!), maybe something else is wrong.  But watch out for these signs!

What if it’s True?

The first thing to remember is don’t accuse!  There could be a very rational explanation for all these behaviors other than cheating, including a family problem, severe illness, or other serious situation.  Keep this in mind when you’re broaching the subject with your partner.  If it isn’t true, and you start off by saying, “So it seems like you’ve been cheating on me,” you’ll feel horrible in the end.

So instead, try saying, “I have some concerns I’d like to talk to you about.  You’ve seemed very secretive lately, and you’ve been avoiding me.  Is there something going on?  I’d really like to know.”  Then, let the discussion happen from there.  Perhaps you’ll find that nothing’s going on, or that something other than cheating is happening.  Perhaps you’ll get nothing but evasiveness!  But you don’t know until you talk.

But He Won’t Talk!

What do you do if your partner won’t talk to you?  He avoids your questions, changes the subject, says he has to go?  It’s time to have a completely honest conversation.  He hasn’t responded to gentle prodding, so ask him, “Why are you still avoiding me?  Are you cheating on me?  That’s what I suspect, and I’ve asked you what’s been going on and you won’t tell me.  That upsets me.”  Be careful not to use you statements, like, “I know you’re a dirty, rotten cheater!”

See where this accusation of cheating gets you.  If he swears he didn’t and you believe him, go with it.  If he won’t look at you, barely says anything, and escapes the conversation as quickly as possible…he’s probably lying. 

Figuring It Out

It’s best, all around, to go with your instincts.  If you believe, after all these conversations, that your partner is cheating on you, break up with her.  It isn’t worth being in a relationship where you don’t trust the person and they won’t talk to you about things – whether it’s cheating or anything else.  Open communication is necessary no matter what.  But still, remember, it’s up to you, and your gut is going to be right.

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So, someone has cheated.  You know that for sure.  What now?

If It Was You…

If you were the one who cheated, and you want to save your relationship, it's time to 'fess up.  Get your partner alone (best face-to-face) and confess what you've done.  Spare your partner the gritty details, but tell them the whole truth, and nothing but the truth.  Then apologize, and mean it.  And when you apologize, it better come with a hefty explanation, and a plan to re-earn your partner's trust.  Cheating is serious business, which causes the other partner to lose faith -- and with good reason.

If It Was Him/Her…

If your partner has cheated, ask him or her to explain, honestly, what happened.  Listen to what your partner has to say.  Do you feel it was really a mistake, or do you think your partner is likely to cheat again?  That will make all the difference in how you handle this.  Regardless, hear your partner out.  It's possible that there's something you don't know that will change your mind about breaking up -- or staying together.

What Next?  Deciding the Outcome of the Relationship

Once feelings and goings-on have been explained by the guilty party, it's time for the other person to have his or her say.  Explain how you feel about the cheating.  If you're hesitating in trusting your partner, or you’re not quite sure how to feel, then tell him/her so.  Be completely honest.  Though there hasn't been honesty up to this point (since the cheating began), you could salvage the relationship if honesty begins now.

If you trust your partner other than this particular episode, and your relationship truly has been good, talk things through very carefully.  Both people must air their feelings.  If the guilty person is truly sorry for cheating and wants to re-commit to the relationship, try to work it out together.  If the other person feels okay with learning to trust again, slowly, then it might be a new beginning for both of you.

However, one or both of you may feel like the trust has been permanently destroyed.  If you're not sure if you feel like this, take some time to think by yourself, and decide.  If you cheated, do you feel like you would be hurting your partner more to return to them?  Are you worried you may cheat again?  If you were cheated on, do you have your doubts that the person will really be faithful to you now?  If either of you have serious doubts, it may be time to end the relationship.

But if you do feel like there's another chance, give it a chance!  Cheating is by no means an automatic end to a relationship.  If your instincts tell you to trust the person, and you keep the lines of communication open after this episode, your relationship may only grow stronger.  If both people agree that this is possible, then definitely give it a chance.

The key is good communication.  Figure out why the person cheated to begin with.  Were they unhappy with the relationship?  Feeling neglected, lonely?  Or were they just in the wrong place at the wrong time?  People cheat for many different reasons, and some are preventable.  This may just be the kick in the pants you needed to make your relationship better.

For Future Reference…

If cheating happens again, however, it's time for a serious re-examination of your relationship.  Maybe the person can't commit to a relationship right now.  Maybe they're unhappier than they can say.  Maybe they are just a wanderer.  Whatever the reason -- multiple episodes of cheating need to be taken very seriously, and you will want to think about ending the relationship.  Yes, your partner is human and you should try to forgive his or her failings.  But when it gets down to your own happiness being at stake -- sometimes you have to do what's best for you.

Overall -- cheating means there's a problem that hasn't been expressed.  Talk to your partner and figure out what's going on, and decide what to do together.  If you love your partner, don't shut him or her out as soon as you find out s/he cheated.  Give him/her a chance to explain, and keep an open mind.  Sometimes it really was an honest mistake.  Come up with a mutual solution, after both of you have talked things through together (maybe multiple times) and after you have both thought on your own about what is best for each of you, and for the relationship.

Good luck.

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By Crystal Schwanke

Most relationships don't last forever.  Therefore, the inevitable break up is going to happen sometime.  How do you know when it's time to let go?  You have to look at things logically--not emotionally--or you might find yourself hanging on longer than you should.  Make yourself some cut-and-dry guidelines like these and when the time comes, you'll know.

Is the trust broken?

If your partner cheated on you, you'll probably never get that full amount of trust back that you had before.  If it's something you think you'll never get over with him/her, move on.  Don't waste any more time.  If you two are meant to be later, you will be.  Once a cheater, always a cheater in most cases (as with everything, there are exceptions, but how will you know without time apart?).  Maybe you cheated, and whether you told your partner about it or not, you keep thinking that he/she might do the same to you.  You're sort of projecting your guilt onto the other person in your relationship.  If it's eating at you, your relationship isn't where it should be (and it wasn't where it should've been before, when you cheated, either), so you should save both of you some heartache and go your separate ways.  Sometimes paranoia just sets in for no good reason and you find yourself not trusting your partner.  Maybe this breakdown of trust was inspired by television, movies, finding out a parent cheated, or something else.  In this case you may want to try to talk through it with your partner, but there's a good chance you just need to be alone to recuperate.

Do you find yourself looking forward to 10 p.m. or whenever he/she has to be
home?

If you are, you're tired of that person and that's okay.  You may enjoy their company more if you aren't "dating," but don't give them the "let's just be friends talk."  Break up as amiably as possible and see where things go later.  You'll need a break to heal and get over feeling as if you're a couple when you're together.  If you try to rush into friendship too soon, you may find yourself back in coupledom by habit.  It's normal to feel tired of someone you've been dating.  You had an attraction, it dwindled, and now it's time to move on.  If you're lucky, the feeling's mutual (although it may still be a blow to your ego, so be prepared).

Are you finding yourself more interested in another person than you are in
your partner?

Just because you find yourself more interested in someone else does not mean you have to cheat.  Be fair to your partner and let him/her go before you pursue a relationship with someone else.  They will respect your honesty and you'll be relatively guilt-free.  If you find yourself imagining your partner is this other person you have a crush on when you're kissing, cuddling, etc, you're cheating yourself, your partner, and your crush out of a rewarding, loving, genuine relationship.

Where is the respect?

If there's verbal, emotional, or physical abuse--get out right now.  No ifs, ands, buts, let's talk it throughs--you leave.  There is no good reason for you to keep yourself in a relationship where there not only is no respect, but there's abuse.  You may want to be noble and help your partner, but if you're going to help, you have to do it from a distance.  Inspire them to seek therapy for their aggression problems, and email them to talk to them about their progress if you must, just so they have someone to lean on.  It's best to cut all ties, though, and suggest to their superiors the need for this person's therapy.

By Shannon Willoby

Breaking Up

Have you lost "that lovin' feeling"?  Don't feel guilty about it because it happens to everyone.  Relationships come and go and you learn from each experience.  But when you're the one being broken up with, it's much harder to deal with. That's why it's so important that when it comes your time to end your relationship, you do it with tact and care.

How To Do It

When someone's feelings are on the line, it's crucial that you let them down gently.  A face-to-face break up might be more difficult, but if you really care about the person, it's the only way to go.  A phone break up seems impersonal and feels more than a little cold.  So, suck it up and tell your significant other that it's "time to talk."  Everyone knows the true meaning behind those three little words, so they'll have some idea of what's coming.

Make sure that you pick a private place to deliver the news; their home or yours is ideal.  Public places like restaurants or the school lunch room won't seem so great if an embarrassing scene develops, so avoid places where others can watch the drama unfold.

What Not To Do

Keep the break up short and sweet; don't get bogged down in explaining your reasons over and over again.  If you want to end your relationship because you've found someone else, don't tell your current boyfriend or girlfriend that.  Yes, honesty is usually the best policy but in some cases, it's better to spare someone the hours, months and maybe years of heartbreak this revelation can cause. It will feel like a slap in the face and will only hurt your soon-to-be ex-partner more, creating an even messier situation for you to deal with.

What You Should Say

Kindness is key when breaking up with a boyfriend/girlfriend.  Tell them you have enjoyed the time you've spent together, but you feel it's time to part ways.  Maybe you just don't have time for a relationship, maybe you're moving away, maybe you just feel like being single again. Whatever your reason, explain it gently and say goodbye.

To Remain Friends or Not to Remain Friends: That is the Question!!

I think that former couples can remain friends, but ONLY if both parties are over the hurt of parting.  It doesn't work if one is still harboring secret hopes of getting back together.  So, give each other space and perhaps you'll come out of your relationship the best of friends.  Only time will tell.

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By Elisha Sapp

Whether you are in a new relationship or a long term one, breaking up, when the time comes, is difficult. But yes, the cliché is true: “Things will get better.” Given time, you will get out of bed, watch sappy romances, and even begin new relationships.  In the meantime, here are some things you can do:

Feel sorry for yourself

There’s no law that says you can’t feel sorry for yourself, in fact, I think most people have, at one time or another, and will understand. Emotions can’t and shouldn’t be denied. So get out your Kleenex, scream and cry, and soon you will rediscover your happy self.

Take it one day at a time

You know that old saying, “Just take it one day at a time?”  You can easily overwhelm yourself if you begin to think about tomorrow, next week, or next month. Don’t do this. It will only make things harder. So live today and think about tomorrow - tomorrow.

Save the bitterness for your lemons

When they don’t get what they want out of a relationship, people have a tendency to blame the other. You can’t blame them for being who they are. Bitterness is harmful to you; it tends to lead to isolation and hatred. You may feel like you can’t get hurt if you don’t let anyone get close to you. Wrong!  You will only hurt yourself. Bitterness is a common reaction after one is wronged or hurt, but it only makes things worse. So move on, quickly!

Have a little faith

People are not all bad, but after a breakup you always feel like no one can be trusted, especially not with your feelings. Don’t let these fears hurt you. Have a little faith in others and you will prove your own fears wrong.

Something new or old

When we enter into relationships, a lot of the things we use to do just don’t seem so important anymore. Now is your chance to try something you have always wanted to do, or bring back those activities that made you happy before your relationship. This will help you to focus on yourself and what makes you happy.

Gather words of wisdom to live by

Whether you get advice from a friend, a parent, or even a stranger like myself, you never know what an impact it might have on your life – it may turn out to be the thing that saves you!

I’m going to leave you with a few words of wisdom told to me by a very good friend. She said, “Think about your life as a clock. When you are your happiest and things are going well, your big hand is on the twelve, but when things are bad and you’re feeling depressed, your big hand is on the six. Just remember that in life things do get better, and your clock hand will one day reach the twelve again.”

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What’s a girl or boy to do?  Here are some suggestions from a girl who has had her heart broken once or twice.

People in their twenties always say “we’ve all been there,” but if you’re a teenager, maybe you haven’t.  This might be the first time you’ve broken up with someone – and boy does it suck!

My first heartbreak was someone I wasn’t even officially dating – and boy, did it hurt. My last breakup was someone I dated for a while, and boy, did it hurt.  Even when you HAVE been there, it’s a hard place to be.  So what’s a girl or boy to do?  Here are some suggestions from a girl who has had her heart broken once or twice.

Looking Back: Handling the Past

Unless you’re one of those people who just moves on without a second thought (I wish!), you’re probably doing a lot of remembering right now.  Most people do, whether or not they admit it.

That’s normal, and it’s hard to “just forget about it,” no matter how much you want to (and your friends wish you would).  But the past does have to become history, so try to help yourself keep perspective.  Although it feels like the pain of a broken heart will never go away, it will.

I remember trying NOT to cry one day after my last break-up.  Trying to watch TV, or eat something, but finally I just gave up and threw myself down on my bed and cried.  I thought I would just lie there all day and cry – but instead I cried for about two minutes, and then I found myself wondering if I had any crackers and cheese.

Usually, heartbreak will pass with time and new interests.  That’s why friends and family encourage you to do something – the more you are doing, the more quickly time passes and the quicker you’ll be over the past.  If you can’t seem to get back to normal, you might want to talk to a counselor or therapist.

Of course, while you are recovering from a break-up, there are a lot of questions you will ask yourself.  When it comes time to ask yourself, “did I do something wrong?” here are some thoughts to keep in mind.

Did I Go Too Far? 

Inevitably, teenagers experiment with sexuality, and of course, you probably did too.  The first person I French kissed was also the first person who I had oral sex with – and that was all within a week. Whoa!  Even now, that seems fast.  But, when it ended, I wasn’t sure – was that too far?

It is important to distinguish between feelings of guilt or shame and feelings of regret or remorse.  Guilt and shame are judgments: You feel you did something bad or wrong, something that your parents or your friends (or your church) wouldn’t think was right.  Regret and remorse are feelings of sadness and wishing that you could take something back.

When I had my first heartbreak, I was really embarrassed.  I would have liked to lie about what happened.  I was ashamed.  If you’re mostly just feeling embarrassed about what people must think, you’re probably just feeling some shame.  Most people are somewhat ashamed of their sexuality, and as long as what you were doing didn’t hurt anyone, you can probably ease up on yourself.

On the other hand, if you’re feeling really unhappy about what you did, and it doesn’t matter what your friends or your parents think, you may have gone too far for you.  I remember being really unhappy that I had trusted someone who I didn’t know very well and let them become intimate with me in just a few weeks.  I wished I had been more careful.  I had some regrets and in the end, I think I did go too far for me.

Again, you should go easy on yourself: Everyone makes mistakes.  Try to identify why you went too far (for me it was that I really wanted to be liked by a boy) and imagine yourself doing things differently next time.  And remember, if you had sex, even oral sex, you might want to talk to a doctor and make sure you’re not at risk for any STDs (better safe than sorry).  Then give yourself a break and remember that you have lots of time from now on to take it slowly.

Did I Miss Out? 

Chances are, even if you went further than you did before, you might have had the opportunity to do even more than you did.  Once, I said no to a boy who wanted me to give him a blowjob.  Later, I wondered if I had been right to say no.  Whatever the case, you may wonder now if you did the right thing.

As a general rule, I think it’s never wrong to say no.  Sometimes you’ll think – that was my chance!  But there will always be another chance later.  Sex is one thing that you will get to do when you’re older, and it will get better as you get more mature.

Sometimes you’ll think – if I had done it, we’d still be together.  Usually, that’s not true.  Being ready at different times is normal, and two people who really want to be together will get over a moment of disappointment.

Relationships between teenagers are tricky things because we don’t know yet what to expect or how to tell if we are with the right person.  That’s why most people have lots of short relationships when they are teens – it’s kind of like playing a few chords on a guitar to see how it sounds.  You have to try out a few people before you know your own feelings.

Of course, after a breakup, it feels really personal and it’s hard to see it that way.  The first time I got dumped, I felt like a loser.  Of course, it was really just that I was with a young, confused guy who didn’t know what he wanted.

Moving Forward: What's Next

Unless you get back together with your ex, you’ll have to move on at some point.  After my first heartbreak, prom was what snapped me out of my teary blur.  I had to decide how to move on and who I was going to be now that my first heartbreak was over.  More importantly, I had to decide who I was going to go to the prom with.

Dating Again.  Of course the first thing I said when I had my heart broken was “never again”!  No more boys, no more falling in love, no more crushes!  Ah, if only we had that power over our own hearts.  On the other hand, maybe it’s a good thing we don’t.  Having a new crush is usually a good sign that you’re moving on – and it’s fun.  A really good love is worth going through a few heartbreaks for, isn’t it?

Before you start dating again, be as clear as you can about what you want to protect yourself from.  The first boyfriend I had cheated on me, and I hated that feeling.  Another boy I dated that same year just didn’t feel the same way about me that I felt about him.  You can choose people who are respectful of you and your feelings.  You can’t guarantee that everyone who you fall in love with will fall in love with you.

Staying Single - the Right Choice?

Getting on with your life is important.  On the other hand it’s normal, and healthy, to take things a little slower once you know how bad heartbreak can hurt.  If you find that your fear of getting hurt is getting in the way of being happy again, you might want to talk to someone about it.

On the other hand, the best thing you can do for yourself, and your future boyfriends or girlfriends, is to get to know yourself.  The happier you are with yourself, the better your chances are of finding happiness with someone else.

As long as you aren’t isolating yourself from other people, not dating for a while can be the best thing for heartbreak.  Just make sure you are doing lots of what you enjoy – whether it’s sports, arts, spending time with friends and family, reading or music, or finding a part-time job.

No matter how you choose to cope with heartbreak, remember that it is temporary.  As important as this special person seems right now, he or she is not the only person in the world.  Love is a surprising thing, and it usually pops up when you are least expecting it.  Even when it seems like there is no love in the world, it’s usually waiting right around the corner.

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By Katy

So you’ve just had a major break-up. Most people in your position have many emotions and feelings running through their heads. Post-breakup feelings can seem almost unbearable at times. We need someone there to help us through this tough time.

One of the worst things you can do closely following a break-up is hook up with someone right after. That is called a rebound relationship and is in no way fair to the person you’ve decided to have this relationship with.

Rebound relationships can occur for a variety of different reasons. Mostly, you’ll feel depressed and won’t have the sense of belonging, or being loved like you had while you were still involved in a relationship. You just miss the feeling of having someone there to call your “own”. Or someone that you can count on, who will be there to talk to you at any time you need it. This feeling puts many people in a vulnerable position. You’ll want to jump at the chance to have this feeling again by using basically anyone who gives you the chance.

I know that while you’re in a rebound relationship, it may not seem like you are using the person, but you really are. You have to think to yourself; do you really have REAL feelings for this person, or are you just trying to feel loved? Give this great thought. There is a chance, however, that you’re not using the person at all and you really DO have feelings for him or her, but more than likely, you’re using that person without even knowing it.

If you find yourself in a rebound relationship, the best thing to do once you’ve realized that you’re in one, is to end it as soon as possible. The longer you lead on that person, the more he or she will be hurt. Most people don’t realize for a while that the relationship is or see that it isn’t based on real feelings.

The best way to avoid these types of relationships is to just calm yourself from the ‘dating scene’, turn to your best friends if you really crave that feeling of being loved. And if any of you have friends like mine, then you shouldn’t have a problem feeling better, and you probably won’t find yourself with a person who you don’t care for.

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by Kim Foster

I am always intrigued when I hear stories of on-again/off-again couples. They’re in love. They’re breaking up. They’re back together.  They’re trying to cool things off. They’re back together. They’re going to try to be friends. They’re fighting. Then they’re back together again. I have even known at least two couples who married and divorced each other more than once!

This indecisiveness baffles me because let me tell you, the guys in my past who broke up with me really meant it—boy, did they mean it. They probably wished they’d done it even sooner by the time I got finished “dealing with the breakup” in my customary fashion, which was to behave like an insane stalker from hell.

Let’s face it; it hurts to get dumped. Whether the relationship was the stuff your dreams were made of or whether you suspected, deep down, that this person was not your intended life partner, it’s still painful to be told you’re no longer wanted.

When the relationship was not that hot in your opinion, it can be quite a blow to the ego to find out that in your former partner’s opinion of it was even worse.

The most maddening pain of all, though, comes when everything was wonderful and magic in your eyes and you know, you just know, that there must be some tragic misunderstanding somewhere that has led your ex (wrongly of course) to feel otherwise. Desperately you conclude that if only you can make this poor confused person understand how perfect you really are for them, then everything can be sunshine and roses again.

Enter the Insane Stalker from Hell—the person you don’t ever want to be seen as. The typical ISFH bombards his/her former partner with phone calls, emails, and text messages. The ISFH suddenly begins to casually turn up in places where the ex is likely to be—fooling no one, by the way. (A tip: your motives are usually a lot more visible to others than you might like to believe.) The ISFH goes around looking tearful and depressed, refusing food, refusing to be drawn into anybody’s attempt to cheer them up. When none of these charming behaviors succeeds in bringing the ex back to their side, some especially advanced ISFHs may even resort to uttering one of these two manipulative phrases: 1) “I think I might be pregnant.” Or 2) “I feel like I’ve got nothing to live for.”

As a former ISFH myself, who has seen the error of my ways as evidenced by the guys who dumped me and never, ever, ever reconsidered their decisions to do so, I am qualified to pose the following question: Where do you think behaving like that is going to get you?

Let’s put ourselves in your ex’s shoes for a moment, shall we? Generally people don’t end an exclusive relationship without giving the matter a lot of thought, so we’ll assume your ex has done so. For whatever reason, the relationship you two had was not working for them and they have decided to terminate it. It hurts, but it’s a fact. So the first thing you must realize is that if normal, happy you was not doing the trick for them, then depressed psychotic you is not going to stand a chance. Therefore, for now—just for right now—let’s abandon (or we can just pretend to abandon) all thoughts of getting them back.

Ready to pretend? OK. First let’s decide what you want them to think when they think of you. Either the thought is going to be “Why, why won’t this psycho nut job stop calling my cell?”, or it’s going to be, “Hey… (your name) hasn’t called me in days. That’s interesting.”

I think we can all agree that option two makes you look a lot better. Maybe they’ll decide to call you, and maybe not. It doesn’t matter. Your dignity is intact. Now let’s talk about the next time your ex sees you—and remember, you are not allowed to just happen to show up wherever he or she is, because everybody will know what you’re up to, and will snicker behind your back. If failure to arrange “coincidental” meetings means you won’t run into the ex for a while, then so be it. The point is that when they do see you, do you want them to think, “Look how pitiful (your name) is since the breakup. I feel like crap.” (Tip: people usually avoid that which makes them feel like crap.) Or would you rather have them think, “Wow, (your name) is looking great!”

A good test for anything you think of saying or doing in the presence of the ex is to ask yourself, “Does this make me seem more or less attractive?” Cool, reserved behavior may or may not (though we’re pretending not to care) cause them to reconsider their decision to break up with you. But for the sake of your reputation and for your own self-esteem, acting like a confident single person (with more exciting things to do than worry about an ex-partner) will put you closer to finding happiness again than obsessing over the breakup ever could. So get a life or fake a life until the pain dies down, but above all, don’t be an ISFH!

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By Carla M. Klusty

You've spent years fantasizing about your big day.  You can picture the perfect dress, a great hairstyle, beautiful makeup, and really cute shoes.  But, how much thought have you given to the person that you intend to marry?

Shoes vs. Men

According to Dr. Noelle Nelson, (www.dr.noellenelson.com), women spend more time shoe shopping than mate shopping.  In the first stages of a relationship our brains release "feel-good" chemicals and the rush of these mood enhancers can make us forget about reality all together!  But, remember shoe shopping.  You wouldn't just walk over to the shelf, grab a box of shoes, and take them home.  You would try them on, walk around in them, decide if they will go with the clothes in your closet, and maybe even try on a half size smaller and a half size larger.  Thus is the process of finding a great pair of shoes.  So, why shouldn't you spend just as much time shopping for a mate?

Deal Breakers

Everyone's got them- even if you don't know it at first.  Deal Breakers are those traits that you just simply cannot put up with.  Deal Breakers are something that should never be compromised- no matter how silly they may seem to your family and friends.  For instance, your new beau refers to women as "chics," a trait that you find incredibly misogynistic.  So, it's your right to go ahead and give him the boot.  Deal Breakers exist as a way to protect us and you should always go with your gut.  If it's something such as taste in music, or movies, give it time.  Maybe you'll learn to appreciate country music.  But, if after time you still can't stand listening to twangy blues about heartache and divorce, go ahead and move on. There really are plenty of fish in the sea.

Continuing to date someone who doesn't thrill you can lead to a relationship that isn't based on the right things.  If your boyfriend leaves you feeling so-so give him the cracker test.  Would you put up with him eating crackers in your bed?  If the answer is no, then you know that the dud has got to go!  Don't find yourself feeling trapped in a relationship, or for that matter marriage, that isn't for you.

Marriage Mania

Sadly, women often find themselves feeling as if they need to be married.  Motives behind this thought can come from their own feeling that they need a man.  Or, perhaps it comes from the internal timetable that little girls develop when they are young.  Meet Prince Charming by 22, fall in love, have a grand wedding, and have a darling daughter by age 25.  But, more and more the age of marriage and kids is being pushed back in lieu of jobs and careers.  Other marriage motives come from the biological clock that tells us each month we lose a viable egg for a baby.

Sometimes, the insecurity of singledom is instilled from our community and family.  And lastly, money can play an important factor.  Women are still taught that they need someone to take care of them financially.

Just like when buying shoes, there are important factors to consider when looking for a mate.  These things may include political viewpoints, the desire for children, religion, traditional marriage vs. modern, and the role of sex.  If you're just dating to have fun these things may not be important, but when it comes time to look into the long term you may find yourself measuring up the candidates by a similar set of standards.  Always remember to go with your gut, and never settle.  You shouldn't have to hunt for a man- things should happen naturally.  Know what you want and refuse to settle for anything less.

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By Heather Lilyquist

Sometimes when a relationship is new, you feel like you just can't get enough of the person you are dating. Sometimes a couple moves into sex or sexual activity too early. You might take a step back and realize just how much emphasis there is regarding the sex in your relationship, and wish to slow it down a little. You may feel pressure to have sex everyday or at every chance that you two have to be alone. You should only be sexual with someone if it is what both of you want.

There are so many other aspects of a relationship that are just as enjoyable as sex. You don't have to have sex every time there is an open opportunity. Cuddling up together does not require sexual touching. Being alone in a private place could also be a great time to just sit and talk.

There are a few easy ways to fix an overly sexual relationship. Talk to your significant other. If they don't feel the same way, they should at least understand that you want to do this to improve the
quality of the relationship. You don't need sex to be close. You could also avoid situations where the two of you will be alone. Suggest going somewhere or watching a movie together.

Maybe the problem isn't so much the sex, but that your partner is being sexual too often. You could become uncomfortable with them constantly touching you in a sexual way when it's not an appropriate situation. You may not like that when they hug you, their hands are always on your butt
instead of your back. Or when the two of you are sitting together, they constantly put their hand on your thigh. You might want to just hold hands but they prefer their hand in your back pocket. It can be uncomfortable in public or when you don't want that.

Let your boyfriend/girlfriend know that you are becoming uncomfortable with this. Try to just move their hand when it is somewhere that you don't want it. Show them where you are most comfortable. If that doesn't work then sit them down and explain, in a nice way, that you want the bedroom behavior to stay in the bedroom. It is no one's business to see that the two of you are sexual with each other and you would like to keep your private life private.

Don't worry about getting a negative reaction. They cannot hate you for being honest, and if they do, then maybe they aren't right for you. Being able to discuss things makes a relationship strong. They
should be more concerned with making you comfortable and happy than their own sexual needs.

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By Jeffery L. Jackson Jr.

Relationships require a lot of time, energy and effort. Spending time together helps to get to know each other’s habits, likes, dislikes, strengths and weaknesses. It can also determine if a relationship is coming to an end.

In the beginning of a relationship, couples enjoy going to the movies together, going out to dinner and going to the mall. They are enthusiastic about getting to know one another and enjoy kissing, hugging and holding. They even get mad at one another from time to time because one or the other didn’t do something he or she wanted him or her to do or because he or she was furious the other was looking at someone else or spending too much time with his or her friends instead of him or her. What do you do when the relationship “doesn’t feel right?”

Emotions are more intense when the relationship doesn’t feel right. When one or both partners realize that the relationship doesn’t feel right, the breakdown of the relationship begins. Suppose your partner is upset with you because you want to spend time with your friends. Your partner feels that you are taking time away from the relationship because there is more communication between you and your friends; whether it’s going more places with them, talking on the phone with them more or being able to tell them things that you wouldn’t necessarily tell your boyfriend or girlfriend. This issue causes your mate to question your every move. He or she begins to think that you are cheating.

What do you do when the relationship doesn’t feel right? In this instance of your mate spending too much time with his or her friends, you can tell your mate that it’s unfair of him or her to spend more time with his or her friends when he or she is trying to get to know you. Recommend things that the both you could do together so that your mate wouldn’t have a reason to spend time with his or her friends. Try activities you’re never done before. Even if you don’t bowl, going to a bowling alley might be the spark needed to show your mate that you are willing to try something new and that you are serious about making the relationship better.

However, if that doesn’t work, suggest to your mate that maybe it’s best if the both of you went your separate ways. It might hurt at first, but it will eventually ease a lot of stress, especially if your partner is always thinking that because the both of you aren’t always around each other, you are cheating.

Dealing with the realization that the relationship "doesn't feel right" is hard. It's easy to ask, "What if I would have done that?" or "Was I satisfying him or her?" or "I must not be what you're looking for?" when the relationship "doesn't feel right." All of these questions are rational, but they really don't solve anything. If you and your mate didn't make a good couple, it doesn't mean that you can't become great friends. Don't be so quick to throw away a friendship because it didn't work out in the romance department. Don't dismiss a decent person because he or she wasn't what you expected. Accept that the relationship didn't work out and move on. When the relationship "doesn't feel right," it's best to move on without blaming yourself for the failed relationship or talking about your ex in a negative manner. That will only cause more hurt and pain.

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Your relationship's not what it once was, and you want the magic back.  Sometimes, too, you have a wandering eye - would that hot guy/girl over there be more exciting?  And yet, you're still not ready to really give up your sweetheart.  What can you do?

Sometimes, young couples really do love each other, but they're just not ready to settle down and commit to the future.  Most teens would rather have some fun, see what's out there, than settle down too soon.  That's when you might want to think about taking a break from your relationship.  It's not "break up," because it's not forever.  It doesn't mean you don't still love each other (even though it can be devastating if you're not the one who thought it up, especially if you didn't see it coming), it just means you need some "me" time.

How do you know when you need a break?  If you start to feel like the magic is gone from your relationship, and you're questioning how much you really like your partner, it's probably time for a break.  Others need a break if they're having a rough personal time, and need to figure out some stuff on their own.  Still others really want to date other people, to "make sure" they've got the right partner.  And when you're a teenager, there's nothing wrong with any of that.  It can be a difficult time, and sometimes having a partner (particularly long-term) can make things harder.

So how do you take a break?  Talk to your partner.  Reassure him or her that you love him/her.  Then explain why you need a break.  Expect your partner to be upset, but say, "I really do love you, and I'm still attracted to you.  We're not breaking up forever, it's just for a little while."  Most people will find this a whole lot better than the usual "Let's just be friends, it's not you, it's me, it's just not working out...."  There's a bit of security in the whole "taking a break," because you can get back together at any time.  Or, maybe you'll discover you're happier apart.

Once you're on a break, have some fun.  Plan plenty of girl/guy nights, and maybe even go on a few dates (you're allowed to kiss people, because you're technically single).  Stay friends with your partner and talk to each other once in a while.  You don't have to spend a lot of time together, and you don't ever have to be alone.  But you should keep communication open.

Be honest with yourself about your feelings.  Are you happier without your partner?  Do you miss him/her?  Once you're sure of how you're feeling (and it may be a matter of weeks, or it may be months), tell your partner.  It's not fair to keep him/her dangling if you know you won't want to get back together.  It's also not fair to either of you if you really want to get back together but are too proud to say anything.

Most people see things about their relationships very clearly when they're on a break.  They might suddenly understand why they were so unhappy.  They might be able to work out problems without any "expectations" hanging over their heads.  They might realize they're better off single, or they might get back together and have a WAY better relationship.  A break is different for everyone, but sometimes it's a blessing in disguise.

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I've heard way too many stories about fights between boyfriends and girlfriends (usually from the girl's point of view) not to know that most of the time, they don't fight fair!  And this leads to a lot more upset than there needs to be.  So read on for some tips for fighting fair, and your fights will last less time and cause less hurt than before!

1. Both people have a legitimate point of view.  Maybe you disagree with your partner, but that doesn't mean s/he is wrong.  Let him/her talk and explain.  Maybe there's something you don't understand, or maybe you're just going to have to agree to disagree.  But neither of you can act superior and 'right,' because that will cause more hurt and anger (by competition to feel heard and understood).  Both of you have your side, and you need to respect that.

2. Focus on a mutual solution.  A lot of people get so wrapped up in their own point of view that they fail to see that holding tightly to their own belief is causing the disagreement to last longer.  Sometimes you've just gotta let go of it and try come up with a solution that's best for both of you, even if you're so angry you're in no mood to compromise.  The fight should be fought with the idea that it's you two against the world, not you two against each other.

3. Take turns talking and listening.  Each person must get a chance to be heard.  Even if you're the one who's angry, give your partner a chance to explain, or to vent his/her feelings.  Fights are not one-sided, and the communication that goes on during them can't be, either.  Even if you want to defend yourself when your partner's talking, keep your mouth shut until s/he's finished.  You'll get your turn without interruption (and if you don't interrupt your partner, s/he's less likely to interrupt you).

4. Hear what your partner's really saying.  If your partner says something that makes you angry, take a step back and think about it.  Even though you are angry right now, don't twist his/her words.  If, for example, he says, "I really wanted to see you yesterday, but I had to go to the store with my friend," don't twist his words around to mean, "My friends are more important than you."  There are hundreds of other examples of this.  Your partner likely does not mean to insult you, so try to give him/her the benefit of the doubt even when you're angry.  It will keep the fight from escalating.

5. Remember that you love your partner.  You'll be less likely to snap out if you're thinking about how much you love your partner and how much you want to work out the problems, rather than how much your partner wronged you.  Be a big person and let go of your anger because you love your partner.

6. Don't use "you" statements.  These put your partner on the defensive almost all the time.  When you yell, "You always do this," you're putting your partner in the position of having to justify and defend him or herself.  Instead, try, "It really upsets me when this happens."

7. No yelling.  Raised voices stress people out and make them unhappy.  Keep your voice at a normal level when you're fighting, and it won't seem as bad (and it won't be out of control).

8. No insults.  You cannot expect your fight to be over quickly if you say, "You're such a pig-headed jerk!" when asking your partner when s/he was with friends instead of you.  Again, it puts your partner on the defensive, and it's unnecessary. You love this person; why would you want hurt him/her?

9. Keep body language positive.  Crossed arms, leaning away, giving angry looks, and refusing to be touched are all forms negative body language.  It communicates "I don't care, I don't want to hear what you have to say."  Instead, lean towards your partner, give him/her encouraging (or at least open) looks, hold hands, touch one another lightly.  This all communicates "I love you and I want to solve this," and it makes both partners happy.

10. If things start to get out of hand, take a time out.  Sometimes what your partner's saying is so mind boggling (or maybe you're both just really tired and not in a good mood) that you need to take some time to think things through before you finish the fight.  And that's fine.  It's better to think things through and be calm when you approach a fight, so you don't make hasty decisions or say things you'll regret.

11. Think before you speak.  It's pretty simple, but so many people don't do it.  Think about your comment before you say it out loud.  How would you feel if your partner said that to you?  Will it hurt your partner?  Will it make the problem worse?  If it's hurtful and won't help resolve the situation, it's probably better not to say it, even if you're really angry.  Likely, if it's that bad, you'll regret it when you're calmer (so don't say anything you'll regret later!).

If you follow these guidelines, your fights will be better in no time!  Just remember: you are not entitled to anything when you fight.  Neither one of you should get special treatment or privileges.  Whoever's wrong should apologize, and you should come to a solution that benefits both of you. 

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There are two major forms of negative communication.  Both are better off avoided.  Studies have found while anger and arguments do not predict divorce (or break up), these communication patterns do.

The first is one in which one partner (usually the female) tries to talk to the other partner, but gets no real response.  One partner may persist in talking, like "I had a good day today, I went shopping and did some housework," etc.  The other person may grunt in response or simply ignore the person.  This form of communication is bad because there is no communication going on. One person is doing all the talking, and the other isn't even giving them the courtesy of listening to them.  This couple can never sustain a relationship.

The second is probably more commonly known and observed among couples.  This is where both people communicate negatively.  One person may say something like, "My day was horrible!  I didn't get my homework done, my teachers were mad, I got in a fight with my best friend, and I was late for work.  And work sucked!"  And the other person may reply, "You think you had a bad day?  My day was so much worse!  Don't you tell me about bad days!"  And it may go back and forth, with one or both saying things like, "You never care about what happened to me!  All you care about is yourself!  How about paying attention to me once in awhile?"

Both people just keep going back and forth and trying to top the other with negativity.  Neither one gets to truly air their grievances and feel heard.  Both get frustrated and angry and are likely to feel let down.  This style of communication really breeds resentment.  It also makes it impossible to feel really close to the other person.

Don't let yourself get locked into communicating this way.  If you are really upset, express your grievances to your partner, but don't discount your partner's feelings.  If you've had a bad day, try this, "I had a really bad day, and I'd like to talk about it.  Can we sit down together?"  If your partner responds that s/he had an equally bad day, try something like, "That's horrible.  Let's tell each other and comfort one another.  It's over now; we can unwind together."  This way, both people feel heard, accepted, and are likely to remain calm.

If you do end up in a negative argument, stop yourself.  Take a brief time out.  Realize that yelling at your partner when you're both upset is not going to resolve anything.  Try to be polite, even if you feel like screaming.  Say something like, "I don't want to fight with you.  We've both had a hard day; let's try to make things better now.  Tell me about your day."  Sometimes, you need to be the bigger person, and push aside your own upsets and resentments, and listen to your partner first.  Then, once s/he is calm, s/he's more likely to listen to you.

Try your best to understand your partner.  If s/he makes a gentle criticism to you (such as, "I wish you wouldn't tease me so much in front of my friends"), listen to what s/he says, and think about it.  Don't make any comments until you can do so calmly.  Realize that this is a reasonable request, and that s/he is not putting you down.  Calmly accept what s/he has to say, then raise any concerns you might have ("I didn't think that I was teasing you too much.  Can you tell me what specifically upset you?")  Try to remain calm during discussions, and do your best to understand and accept your partner's point of view, even if you don't really agree with it.

 One major thing to keep in check is jealousy.  It's natural, to a point, to feel a little jealous of your partner (maybe of his/her opposite sex friends, or of anyone s/he spends a lot of time with), but realize that you cannot control your partner.  If s/he wants to spend some time with other friends, understand that that's his/her right.  It is also your right, if you want to spend time with your friends.  If you really trust your partner, there is no reason to be jealous.  There will be some long-term, truly loving relationships that exhibit some jealousy (and some negative communication), but these relationships seem to be less healthy than those relationships that don't exhibit jealousy.

In the long run, just watch what you say!  Be careful not to get locked into being too negative, and in supporting your partner emotionally.  All will be fine if you just take care!

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Many young couples believe that fighting is simply a part of the relationship – things will happen, and you will fight about it.  After all, doesn’t every couple fight?

No, they don’t.

Couples that don’t fight definitely don’t agree on everything.  They’re just able to state what they’re thinking and feeling in a calm and rational manner, before it ever becomes an issue.  Make no mistake: you and your partner will disagree on at least a few things, and maybe several things.  However, you can avoid ever having a fight by talking through the issues that are important to you before you ever become angry about them.

Some points to think about:

1. If there is something your partner does that bothers you, even a little, it is worth bringing up.  Staying silent could cause a blow up later, catching your partner totally unaware.  This isn’t fair to either of you.

2. As soon as you realize there is something that’s bothering you, bring it up.  That doesn’t mean in public, it means the first chance you get your partner alone.

3. Never bring up issues you have with your partner in public or in front of other people.  It makes people very defensive.

4. Always start off with a calm voice, and say something like, “There’s this thing that’s been bothering me, and I just want to talk to you about it….”

5. Clearly state what is bothering you, without insulting your partner.  For example, “When you correct my grammar in public, it makes me feel like I’m not as smart as you are.  That really upsets me.”

6. Make it clear that you are NOT attacking your partner, and that you only want to clear up a small matter.  Watch your tone of voice (if you’re upset, it’s easy to sound angry and insulting).

7. Stand your ground.  If your partner tries to argue with you or says s/he doesn’t do what you’re upset about, say, “Maybe you didn’t realize you were doing it, but it felt like you were to me.  I know you wouldn’t hurt me on purpose.”

8. Use the good-bad-good system if you think your partner might have trouble hearing your opinion.  That is, begin and end with a compliment, and put your complaint in the middle.  For example, “I really love it when we hang out together, but sometimes it’s a little bit much for me.  I like to spend time with my other friends.  You’re still my best friend, though, and I do love spending time with you.”  Always try to include something good along with the bad, so that even though you’re ‘complaining’ to your partner, the conversation still has a positive tone.

9. If you, or your partner, start to become angry, stay silent for a few seconds and take a deep breath.  Then say, “I don’t want to fight about this.  It’s a small matter and I want it to stay that way.  Can we just discuss this calmly?  I only brought it up because I care about you.”

10. Listen when it’s your partner’s turn to speak.  You’ve had your chance to say your thoughts, now listen to your partner’s.  Perhaps both of you have a different perception of the matter, and you need to work on it together.

11. Keep an open dialogue.  Once your partner’s had a chance to speak, you can respond to your partner’s comments – calmly.  Take turns talking about it to try and work it out.  Look for common ground within the issue, even if you don’t exactly agree.  For example, “I know you don’t think you’re doing anything wrong when you correct my grammar, and I know you don’t want to hurt me.  It does hurt me a little when you do it, so can we focus on that?  Neither of us wants to be hurt or hurt the other.”

12. Ask your partner if s/he has any issue that s/he’d like to bring up.  It’s possible that your partner also has a problem with something you do that they haven’t brought up yet.  If they do, listen carefully and continue to discuss in a reasonable manner.

13. Learn to agree to disagree.  There may be some matters on which you simply won’t agree.  As long as it’s not an important couple-issue (for example, how far to go physically is an important couple-issue; what movies you like to see probably isn’t), it’s okay not to agree.  Say to your partner, “You know how I feel, but I still respect your opinion, and I hope you respect mine.”

14. Between disagreements, try not to discuss negative things.  Issues don’t need to be brought up constantly and used against one another – ever!  Air your feelings during your disagreement and keep your mouth shut at all other times, especially in public.  Most of your conversations should have a very pleasant, positive tone to them.

If you follow these hints, you will keep an open, honest dialogue going in your relationship.  Remember, you should bring up anything and everything that either bothers you, or if you’re just not sure what your partner thinks on an issue that’s important to you.  Practice talking and listening well.  Stay calm.  All of this will lead to a fight-free relationship, where both partners can air their thoughts, feelings, and grievances, and still feel cared for and respected.

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By Shayna Schnereger


If you’re in a relationship, then you already know that it’s not always easy. When you’ve got a boyfriend or girlfriend to worry about you can’t always have everything your way. This is a hard 
thing for most people, because most people want everything their way. Not to say that I’ve never felt this way before; I’m only human, of course I’ve felt like this.

If you sit back and really think about it, a lot of disagreements pop up because people want their own way. Whether it’s what to do this weekend, or what to have for dinner, or even what religion to follow, people are different. In a relationship sometimes you get what you want, and sometimes you don’t. But that’s why people say that there’s a lot of give and take. You have to give a little and you have to take a little.

Remember that if you’re always trying to make your partner do things your way, it’s kind of like you’re trying to turn them into you. And how fun would that be? I mean, who wants to date themselves? The difference and the variety in another person’s personality are what make dating fun. I mean even if you do have a boyfriend or girlfriend who’s a lot like you, since you’re male and female, there are always going to be differences. That’s just how men and women are made: different.  Even if you’re gay or lesbian, your partner will still be different from you.

But difference is a good thing; that’s part of what attracts us to each other. So, differences will come up; it’s inevitable between two people. As long as you expect these differences, you’re ahead of the game. Instead of wondering why it’s happening you can spend your time figuring out what to do about it.

Big things, little things, and everything in between are what people disagree about. And that’s okay, it keeps the world interesting. So what do you do when you and your partner disagree about something? Do you each storm off mad? Do you call the other ugly names or throw stuff? Or do you just agree with what they say in order to avoid a fight? Whatever it is that you do, you need to know that it’s okay to disagree, it’s healthy. So don’t call names or throw stuff just because you disagree.

Recognizing differences is important if you want your relationship to work out. Don’t get mad because he or she feels differently about something. The opinion that they hold is a part of who they are. Step back, and remember that you like this person for who they are and asking them to change is not fair. If you can’t come to an agreement, it’s okay. You can always agree to disagree.

Each person is entitled to their feelings and opinions and you need to respect that. Maybe you think that going to college is a must, okay then, go to college. But you can’t make your partner do the same. Maybe they want to pursue a job right out of high school, that’s their choice. Each of you feels strongly about what you should do, so do it. And agree that it’s okay for you to disagree about whether or not college is important.

There are some circumstances in which people should not compromise. This would be if someone was in danger or something illegal was happening. But if it’s something that really isn’t going to hurt you, then who cares? Don’t let it stress you out; there are far too many other things in life to worry about. Appreciate your partner for who they are and for all of the things that make them different from you.

By Jeffery L. Jackson Jr.

Have you ever found yourself involved with a boy or girl who seems to be a little jealous of the person of the opposite sex that you hang out with or socialize with? Do you think it’s cute when he or she shows his or her jealousy by asking you, “Why are you hanging out with him or her?” or questions your relationship with him or her? Well, even if you haven’t, you still should be informed about dealing with an insecure or jealous boyfriend or girlfriend. You may be able to help someone else.

Talk to Your Mate Openly and Honestly

If you notice that your boyfriend or girlfriend is jealous or insecure of your interaction with other guys or girls, it is best to talk with him or her. Suppose you’re out at the mall with your boyfriend or girlfriend and a friend of the opposite sex approaches your table and starts talking to you. Even if you introduce your friend to your boyfriend or girlfriend, he or she gets an attitude with you after your friend lives. At first, you may think this behavior is cute or sexy, that your boyfriend or girlfriend is a little
jealous, but what if it happens constantly? Soon enough, he or she will begin to become possessive, manipulative or even controlling. The best way to deal with the issue is to talk about it openly and honestly. You may ask him or her, “What are you afraid of? What do you think would happen if you weren’t around? Why do you act like that?” The important thing is to get the issue out in the open and to talk about it. Talk about how you feel as well when he or she shows jealous or insecure behavior.

Don’t Act Like the Behavior Doesn’t Exist

Some things are black and white and jealous or insecure behavior is one of those things that is clear to see. Even if you don’t
want to believe that your mate is jealous or insecure when it comes to your interaction with people of the opposite sex, you have to recognize that the behavior exists. One of the things people say when situations become abusive, verbally or physically, is that they didn’t know that their mate was like that, but he or she gave signs, at some point in time, that he or she was insecure or jealous. If you pretend like that’s just a part of his or her nature, you will continue to be haunted by an overshadowing boyfriend or girlfriend.

Accept It or Don’t Accept It

One thing that needs to be stressed is that you always have a choice. Even if your jealous or insecure boyfriend or girlfriend compensates for his or her behavior by buying you gifts, you can choose to accept or not accept this behavior. It’s true that if you truly care about a person you have to accept him or her for whom he or she is, but it’s another thing to deal with the negativity from your boyfriend or girlfriend. It may hurt you when you decide not to accept such behavior, but the truth of the matter is if you’re tired of having to defend your friends and your relationship with them, it’s best to walk away from him or her.

Keep Your Self Esteem Intact

When dealing with your boyfriend or girlfriend’s jealousy or insecurities, it’s always important to keep your self-esteem intact. No matter how he or she feels about your friend of the opposite sex, he or she has no right to talk down to you or hit you. His or her insecurity shouldn’t become yours. It’s okay to understand where he or she is coming from and to avoid situations in which you know he or she will become aggravated, but your self-esteem doesn’t and shouldn’t have to go down because he or she can’t deal with the fact that other people like you as well. And this liking may be because you give great advice, are a good listener or are always there.

Keep Your Sanity Intact

There’s no feeling greater than a peace of mind. When you are tired of someone who’s jealous or insecure, it can put a strain on your mind and heart. Why go through depression, feeling ugly, feeling less of a person, even feeling ashamed or scared because your mate can’t handle your friendship with someone of the opposite sex? If something doesn’t feel right, chances are it isn’t right. Don’t allow your mind to be wrecked because the person you are dating can’t handle his or her own insecurities or jealousy and wants to take it out on you.

When All's Said and Done

Dealing with your mate’s insecurities or jealousy is not an easy thing, but it can be done. You have to remember that you have to be happy and if your mate’s behavior doesn’t make you happy, talk about it, but it’s up to him or her to change and if he or she doesn’t, you have to make a decision as to whether you can deal with it or not. I know being alone causes loneliness, but is it worth the headache and heartache to have to deal with someone who’s insecure or jealous?

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