Love is a double edged sword

Too much invested

leaves you hurting

too little leaves

you yearning

There is no such thing

as just enough

I'm being cut both ways

This vast wasteland

of my empty heart

echoes with cries

of what could have been

Cries that can be heard

deep withing my soul

It too, has suffered it's own

death and destruction

I wander aimlessly

in the midst of confusion,

brought on by a love so deep

it cannot be measured

If only you had tried...

Oh, what could have been

So many times I wish I could just reach

into the depths of my soul

and expose what lies beneath

I have tried time and time again to show

the truth that my heart holds within

If I could, I would lay it out for all to see

like an exhibit

It would show that it is free from taint

Words cannot penetrate the skin,

let alone the heart

of one who is hidden behind the walls

of fear and insecurity

My words bounce back at me and fall

helplessly at my feet

I sweep them all away and try again

When I run out of words,

I will pack up my heart and move on quietly

You are what I live for each day

You are the breath that keeps me alive

You are the life that flows through my veins

Without you, I would be nothing

I would cease to exist

You are the true meaning of love

Without you in my life,

love would live no more

Somewhere in time it's raining

Somewhere in time it's hot

Someone today has died

all alone, lying in the dark

No one expected death

to show up on this day

but a life has ended on this earth

and the tears will fall like rain

Why do we tend to think

that tomorrow will always come

tomorrow has not been promised

and today is not yet done

Don't make the same mistake

live today for all you can

Don't worry about tomorrow

'cause today is still at hand

I stand here defeated

Intensity was my weapon

My heart was my shield

We went to battle

but it was all for not

There are no winners

in the battle for a love

that never existed

Loves warmth has

surrounded her for years

It has all but let her go

She is only a shadow

Loves cold sting has

left her standing silent

in the darkness

She is only a shadow

Loves betrayal has left her

scared and alone

Trust has become her enemy

She is only a shadow

Loves power

has left her with no chance

Death has become her ally

She is a shadow no more

What of this heart you have left me?

Only an empty shell within

Never to be filled again

You have erased a part of me

Never again will I see things the same

I will forever doubt the love of others

though I never doubted yours

It seems love is only a state of mind

and pain is my reality

How is it you treat me so differently now?

Yesterday I was your friend,

today a freak

Three words sealed my fate

"I am gay"

There it is -- the three words that have

changed the way you look at me

Yes...please...LOOK AT ME!

I am the same person I was ten minutes ago

Ten days ago...ten years ago

As a matter of fact, I have been

"like this"

from the day I was born

I've lived cramped in that closet of lies

long enough

It's time for me to live, time for me to love

no matter what the cost

You cross your arms tightly across your chest

afraid of my eyes

If I was going to look,

I already would have done so

but remember...

I am your friend

I'm only interested in one thing

your friendship

I still see you the way you were

ten minutes ago

Why can't you do the same?

I have lost control

Red is the color of the day

I see red...blood red

No time to spare

Laughing hysterically

through the tears

One in the chamber

shaking uncontrollably

I see my destiny

Eye on barrel,

barrel in mouth

My fate has been decided,

the final chapter

Don't look at my face

there will be nothing left

but a tear stained

mass of flesh

but you know what?

There will also be no more pain

Old tears dried amongst

fresh blood

It will hurt way less

than my heart has

You appeared in my life without warning

like an answer to my prayer

like a light from out of the darkness

but then the truth was revealed...

YOU were the darkness

You had enveloped my heart

in a feign warmth

Suddenly, that warmth became an eerie chill,

like the stinging cold of a January night

you even tried to make me believe that it

was my transgressions which brought about

this sudden transformation...

NO!

My heart was pure in motive

I was deceived by the darkness,

but no more

Sadly, you too are being deceived by a

darkness far more deceptive than even

yourself...

Her name is Malevolence

I have broken free now

I have escaped your sanctimonious world,

never to return

There is no looking back

I have made it out of the darkness

Come, unwrap yourself

of the bandages that

hide the wounds of long ago

Let love be the salve

that heals you

Let trust be your calm

through the storm

Love is pain, to be sure

but to love not is to live not

Take the chance,

unwrap yourself

Let me see your scars

Let me see the real you

Wear trust as an armor

Let love be your weapon

Let me be the one to show you

Love can reign eternal

This fear inside me is maddening

I fear loving, yet I fear loneliness

I fear the thoughts of yet another betrayal

I fear the wall around my heart will never break away

I fear taking that wall down, yet I fear leaving it up

I fear the feelings I have for you

I fear they won't be reciprocated

I fear I am falling too quickly, yet I fear losing you

I fear another has already laid claim to your heart

I fear telling you my true feelings for fear of scaring you away

I fear this fear will never end

There you are, playing around the edges of my mind

It excites me, yet it frightens me

I've tried to dismiss my thoughts of you

Afraid it's all an illusion

But is it real?

Could it be possible?

Or is it my overactive imagination at work?

My heart is so fragile, so afraid of being hurt yet again

I am afraid to let my feelings be known

Afraid of being wrong

Afraid of hurting yet one more time

How will I ever know?

Does your heart already belong to another?

If it is real, will you protect my heart?

Protect me from pain I have yet to endure?

Will you keep my heart safe from the storm?

It is all I ask of you

But...if it is all an illusion

If it is only my mind playing tricks on me

I will let the wall of safety remain as a fortress

around that fragile heart of mine

yet one more day