Series I

"The End"

A radiation leak wipes out the crew of the Jupiter Mining ship "Red Dwarf", leaving only one survivor, third technician Dave Lister who was at the time of the leak in stasis for bring aboard a small black cat called Frankenstein.
Lister was caught after sending photo of himself with the cat in his quarters to the ships photo lab for developing :).
Holly, Red Dwarf's computer lets Lister out of stasis once the background radiation has reached a safe level, unfortunate this is after a mere 3 million years.
Lister emerges from stasis to find he is probably the last human in the whole universe.
Lister whilst being the last human, is not alone on Red Dwarf.
Lister soon find his life is not going to be entirely lonesome as Holly has brought back one of the crew as a Hologram  to keep Lister sane, unfortunately for Lister the hologram is a simulation of Rimmer, his bunk mate and just about the most annoying person in the universe and also the person who failed to seal the drive plate correctly leading to the accident.
As well as sharing the ship with Rimmer, Lister also my contend with a  life form that has evolved from his pet cat.
The new crew sets course for Earth, a mere 3 million years away.  

"Future Echoes"

After accelerating for 3 million years, Red Dwarf breaks through the light barrier. Echoes of the future start to occur and the crew begin to see images of their future selves leading to some truly strange situations and the worse case of deja-vu in the whole of history or should that be future.
Lister tries to get back to Earth by going into stasis for the trip back, but before Lister and the Cat can go into stasis Red Dwarf break the light barrier.
Lister sees himself as a 171 year old man (with a bionic arm), and also meets his two future twin sons (Jim and Bexley)  and Rimmer witnesses the death of a human in the drive room.
The all leads to the question of how is Lister to have children when there are no women in the universe :)

"Balance Of Power"

Desperate to see Christine Kochanski once more, Lister pleads with Rimmer to allow him to bring her back as a hologram.
Rimmer refuses as he is sure Lister won't turn him back on again,  Lister decides to take the Chefs exam in an attempt to outrank Rimmer, so he can order him to hand over Kochanski's disc.
Rimmer tries 'everything' he can to persuade Lister to stop his attempt to become a officer and when Rimmer tries everything he uses both his brain and someone else's body in a truly strange way.

"Waiting For God"

Holly finds a pod which Rimmer believes contains the body of a 'Quagaar' warrior, a species with green hair and 6 breasts.
Lister concentrates on learning about the Cat people and their history over the three million years during which he was in stasis,.
Lister soon discovers that the Cat people as well as writing books about Big red balls and chasing them, they also wrote about the god-like Cloister the Stupid. Lister embarks on a quest to find out who Cloister was by studying the ancient book, an makes an amazing discovery which leads to God in one form or another.
Mean while the pod that Holly brought on board to keep Rimmer amused is soon to reveal it true origin as well.

"Confidence And Paranoia"

As Lister begins to explore the ship, or more precisely Kochanski quarters, he contracts a mutated form of pneumonia.
The mutated pneumonia causes Rimmer to witness, It raining fish in Lister's quarters and  the spontaneously combusting of  the Mayor of Warsaw as well as the creation of two truly weird people/things.
Lister with the help of his confidence (now solid thanks to pneumonia) tries to find Kochanski's hologram disc with disastrous results.  

"Me ²" ("Me Squared")

Rimmer tricks Lister into bringing him back as another hologram. Existing twice over, If u thought one Rimmer was bad, having Rimmer in stereo is hell.
Rimmer decides to "room" with himself, leaving Lister alone. However soon afterward the two Rimmer's find themselves locked into such a fierce argument that they decide one of them must be switched off which leads to a 'Souper' finish.

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Series II

"Kryten"

Holly intercepts an SOS from a crashed ship. Rimmer immediately has Holly deck him out with his best dress uniform, Lister puts on his smelly orange moon boots, and even Holly starts wearing an electronic toupee. The reason is the crashed ship's crew, three lonely damsels in distress and a slightly deranged series 400 Mechanoid named Kryten. Kryten the Mechanoid is introduced to the Dwarfers, although he leaves at the end of this episode, the character was popular enough for him to return as a member of the crew from the third season onwards, (although in later episodes he is played by Robert Llewellyn).

"Better Than Life"

A mail pod catches up with Red Dwarf after only 3 million years "about average for second class post). Among the items in the post is a letter for Rimmer and a set of Virtual Reality games. After Rimmer finds the letter is from his Mother telling him his father has died in his Jeep. I mean Sleep), the team all enter "Better Than Life", one of the new games. According to the sales blurb, "Better Than Life" is so advanced it will bring your dreams to life, unless you have a mind like Rimmer's that is.
After a short time Rimmer's Mind starts to exact revenge on Rimmer in many horribly ways.

"Thanks For The Memory"

The crew celebrate the anniversary of Rimmer's death and get drunk. Rimmer in a drunken state tastes his first triple fried egg butty with chili sauce and chutney. which is described as a cross between food and bowel surgery). They wakeup to find 4 missing days, both Lister and Cat with legs in Plaster and the black box recorder missing (ONE HELL OF A NIGHT).
The Crew go in search of the missing Black box which turn out to be buried in a shallow grave with Footprints the size of a surfboard leading to it, there is also a gravestone with "To the memory of Lisa Yates" written on it, the only problem is that Lisa Yates was Lister girlfriend over 3 million years ago.
After unearthing the black box it revels all. .

"Stasis Leak"

Reading Rimmer's diary, Lister finds an entry that leads him to find a stasis leak. Passing through the leak, Lister, the Cat and Rimmer are all able to travel back in time to a point before the crew were wiped out (3 weeks before). As one of the stasis booths was unoccupied at this time, they can save one member of the crew if they can convince them to go into stasis. Lister tries to convince Kochanski but receives a shock when he finds she has married a familiar looking face, meanwhile Rimmer is trying to convince himself to go into stasis so that he doesn't have to be dead anymore.

"Queeg"

Holly causes yet another accident, this time endangering Lister. As Red Dwarf's back up computer "Queeg 500" takes over the ship, Holly is reduced to a night watchman roaming the ship shouting "who goes there". Now that the crew have to work for a living again, they talk Holly into taking Queeg on. Unfortunately Queeg chooses chess with the looser facing deletion. Does Holly know something the crew don't, or are they doomed to clean the corridor floors forever ?

"Parallel Universe"

Holly devises a new drive, the "Holly Hop Drive". A device so amazingly powerful that it can transport Red Dwarf anywhere in the universe in a microsecond. Lister is less than hopeful when he sees the device is a box with "Start" and "Stop" on it. Activating the drive, the ship and its crew are propelled into a parallel universe where the ship and crew are duplicated, but with differences. As Lister and Rimmer find out when their duplicates chat them up.

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Series III

"Backwards"

Whilst taking his driving test in Starbug, Kryten pilots the ship and Rimmer through a time hole and onto an alternate 20th century Earth, but an alternate 20th century Earth where time is running backwards.

"Marooned"

Holly picks up a minefield of Black Holes on the scanner scope. Abandoning Red Dwarf until Holly can pilot it around them, Starbug is hit by a flaming meteorite, crash-landing on an ice moon. Marooned with only Rimmer for company and a dwindling fire, Lister has to face an no so agonizing decision; Should he eat the can of dog food or the pot noodle last ?

"Polymorph"

A Genetic mutant with the power to transform into any shape or form finds its way onto the ship. Now the crew are subjected to 24 hours of non stop horror as the beast feeds on the crews negative emotions.
During this time Lister is attacked by a very hot kebab, The Cat looses his Vanity, Kryten tries to use the rest of the Crew to bargain for his life, and Rimmer discovers something about his Mum and Lister.

"Timeslides"

After discovering a mutated film developing fluid, the crew discover they can travel to any place or time that they have a photograph of. Running amok through history and blindly ignoring the consequences of causality, Lister changes history so that he never joined Red Dwarf and is indecently wealthy. With Lister gone, the Cat and Kryten disappear from reality. Faced with the prospect of travelling with only Holly and the skutters for company, Rimmer decides that he must save Lister from his new, and successful, life as it is his duty as a complete and utter ba**ard!

"Bodyswap"

A Skutter goes berserk and rewires the ship's circuitry. When Lister orders a milkshake and a crispy bar from one of the ships snack dispensers, he inadvertently starts the self destruct sequence. The only way to stop the countdown is to allow Kryten to try a "mind swap" technique, this involves implanting the mind of one of the dead female officers in Listers body.
After the crisis is over Rimmer uses the technique to his advantage, i.e.. Rimmer's Mind in Lister's body, and Lister's mind in Rimmer's body.
When Lister wants his body back Rimmer is unhappy to return it and hatches a plan to HIGH-JACK it.

"The Last Day"

Lister receives a letter in a mail pod telling him that Kryten's built in expiry date is nearly up. With Kryten using his last 24 hours to tidy up his affairs, the crew are determined to give the Mechanoid the best night of his life. For the first time Kryten enjoys himself and wants to delay his ascent to Silicone Heaven, (the final resting place for all electrical appliances, the bad ones come here to Silicon Hell). Matters are further complicated when his replacement shows up determined to retire him, and the rest of the crew, for good.
The crew face the 'Replacement' in the landing bay and met with Limited success, after weapons fails Kryten uses 'Silicon Hell' to stop the android forever.

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Series IV

"Camille"

Whilst planet hopping, Rimmer and Kryten pick up a distress call, disobeying Rimmer's orders to ignore it, Kryten lands to rescue the crew of a crashed space liner. The only survivor seems to be a series 400 Mechanoid named Camille. Returning to Red Dwarf, the crew discover she is a pleasure Gelf and appears in whatever form people want her to be. Her natural appearance is a large green blob, not that this seems to stop Kryten. However, it seems Kryten's plans for their future are not to be as Camille's "husband" arrives onboard looking for her.

"D.N.A."

Red Dwarf links onto an alien spacecraft, investigating its contents, the crew find a machine capable of changing DNA coding. After accidentally changing Lister into a chicken, and back again, Kryten is transformed into a human. Deciding he does not want to remain human, Kryten asks to become a Mechanoid again. However, before he will let Holly transform him back again, he tests the machine with one of Listers curries. Things get out of hand though, and the experiment produces a monster, half man half Indian take away. The only solution is for Lister to use the machine and become super human, an experiment that is only partly successful.

"Justice"

The crew discover a prison ship escape pod floating in space, according to its onboard flight recorder its occupant is either a beautiful female prison warder or a homicidal simulant. After the pods thaw process is started by Cat, they decide they need to open the pod in a secure place. Tracing the course that the prison ship was on, they travel to a prison satellite. There the crew have to pass through a mind probe to gain entry. Cat, Lister and Kryten all pass through, but Rimmer is sentenced to several thousand years imprisonment for the murder of the Red Dwarf crew.

"White Hole"

Whilst trying to restore Holly's mind using a new technique called intelligence compression, the crew encounter a white hole in space. Succeeding in their experiment, Holly now has an IQ of 12,000, the problem is in doing so the crew have reduced her life expectancy to under three minutes. After battling their way through numerous locked electric doors using Kryten as a battering ram, the team ask Holly how to plug up the white hole. Unfortunately, it seems that the only way to seal the white hole and fix Holly seems to be a game of galactic pool using planets as pool balls.

"Dimensional Jump"

In another dimension Rimmer is a test pilot for the Space Core, and, perhaps more surprisingly, he's a nice guy. Testing the latest drive system, (an engine capable of breaking the dimensional barrier), he crashes into Starbug which crash lands on an ocean moon. Coming aboard to help repair the ship, "Ace" Rimmer meets up with Arnold Rimmer and discovers he doesn't like himself very much.  

"Meltdown"

Kryten discovers a matter-panel, a small device that is capable of transporting them anywhere in space. Testing the panel, the crew are transported to a planet full of Waxdroids, intelligent waxworks which have broken their programming and are now at war with each other. On one side are the good people from history including real historical figures and fictional ones, and on the other side are the evil characters. Rimmer seizes this opportunity to act out his Napoleon complex and lead the good guys in their fight.

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Series V

"Holoship"

Starbug encounters a ship full of super intelligent holograms, whilst onboard he can touch, taste, and "interact" with the female crew. Deciding that this is the life for him, Rimmer decides that he's not averse to cheating at the entrance exam to join in the fun. But are there things in life that are more important than success ?

"The Inquisitor"

The Inquisitor, a time travelling self repairing android who, after surviving to the end of the universe and discovering no afterlife, decides that the only purpose in existence is to lead a worthwhile life. Travelling through time, and judging every living being in creation, he arrives on Red Dwarf. Once there he forces the crew to justify their existence. Placed in Limbo, Lister and Kryten must destroy him before they are erased from time forever.  

"Terrorform"

When Starbug, carrying Rimmer and Kryten, arrives on a Psi-moon, the planet rebuilds itself to match the landscape of Rimmer's mind. After Kryten sends an unusual messenger to Red Dwarf for help, Lister and Cat arrive to save him. Rescuing Kryten from the twisted wreck, the team go after Rimmer who has been kidnapped by monsters formed from his own negative emotions, and taken to meet the unspeakable one.  

"Quarantine"

 The crew are investigating an abandoned genetic research centre, whilst looking around they discover a nest of stasis pods. When one of them activates itself ,it releases the Hologrammatic Doctor Hildegarde Lanstrome who has been infected with a holo-virus. The virus gives her tremendous Psi powers but has driven her totally mad. After she destroys herself, the crew attempt to return to Red Dwarf. Arriving on the ship Rimmer puts them in quarantine, but he has already been infected.  

"Demons & Angels"

Kryten builds a triplicator, capable of producing two copies of any object. Testing it on the last strawberry in existence, the triplicator produces two duplicate strawberries, one divine and one rancid. Curious to see what happens if the field is reversed, they throw it in reverse. Suddenly Red Dwarfs engines are overloaded and the ship is destroyed. Escaping in Starbug, the crew discover that just before the ship blew up, two copies were produced....

"Back To Reality"

Investigating an ocean planet, the crew discover the Esperanto, an ocean seeding ship, boarding her they discover the entire crew killed themselves. Discovering this was caused by the ink of a despair squid, they return to Starbug. Lifting off, the ship is attacked by the squid and, apparently, destroyed. The team then wake up to find that they have been playing the total immersion video game "Red Dwarf" for the last four years.

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Series VI

"Psirens"

Brought out of suspended animation after 200 years, Lister, Cat and Rimmer rejoin Kryten aboard Starbug. Red Dwarf has been stolen by a person or persons unknown and Kryten has finally managed to trace its vapour trail. Taking a detour through an asteroid field, the crew encounters a group of Psirens, genetically created life forms who can project false mental projections to lure people to their deaths.  

"Legion"

Starbug is seized by a tractor beam and towed to a space station where they meet Legion. A creature who is so technologically advanced that he changes Rimmer's light-bee into a hard light drive effectively giving him a physical body. Trying to entice Legion to join the crew in their attempts to trace Red Dwarf, the crew are rather upset to learn that Legion wants them to stay ... forever.  

"Gunmen Of The Apocalypse"

The ship encounters a group of psychotic killer simulants. Hopelessly over matched, they try to bluff their way out, when this fails the ship is boarded and the crew are rendered unconscious. When they recover they find the simulants have updated the 'Bug to be of some sport to them. Rendering the simulants ship useless with a lucky shot, the team head away from the ship, but not before the simulants can transmit the Armageddon computer virus into Starbug's Navicomp. Kryten now has no option but to link himself into the system in order to produce a "dove" vaccine program. Using Virtual reality suits, the team link into his dream state where Kryten is a drunken sheriff going up against the Armageddon Brothers.  

"Emohawk, Polymorph 2"

 The ship is attacked by a space police enforcement drone. The only way to escape is to head into Gelf space, an area so deadly that the drone will not follow them. Checking the damage, they manage to fix everything but the Oxygen unit. Arriving on one of the Gelf planets, they manage to arrange a trade, the oxygen unit for Listers marriage to the chiefs daughter. Backing out of the deal, the team escape but are pursued by an Emohawk, another form of polymorph. Due to attacks by this creature, Cat is turned into Duane Dibbley, (see "Better Than Life"), and Rimmer is turned into "Ace Rimmer", (see "Dimensional Jump"). 

"Rimmerworld"

Rimmer is suffering from stress, a situation not helped by the fact that Starbug is running out of supplies. Their only hope is to salvage what they can from the simulant ship, once on board they discover a teleport device which they use to load up Starbug. Encountering the last surviving simulant, Rimmer escapes in a seeding escape pod but is drawn into a space vortex and has to spend 600 years on a planet surrounded by his own backstabbing clones. 

"Out Of Time"

Encountering an "unreality" mine field, the crew are subjected to a series of disorientating events. Kryten mistakes Lister for a 300 series mechanoid and Cat is temporarily erased from the crews memories. Deciding the mine field is to keep people away from a ship with a prototype drive, Kryten puts Lister and Cat into stasis for 3 days. Reviving them at the centre of the field, they discover a ship with a time drive. Installing the drive in Starbug's engine bay, the crew are rather distressed when they receive an SOS from their counterparts from 15 years in the future. This story ends in a cliff-hanger.

To be Continued..... 

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Series VII

"Tikka To Ride"

During a fight with the Dwarf crews future selves, the entire supply of curry is destroyed, forcing them to replace it via a trip through time. When Kryten accidentally transports them to the Kennedy Assassination and they change time things begin to get really complicated.

"Stoke Me A Clipper"

A Fatally wounded Ace Rimmer tries to persuade Arnold Rimmer, who is currently occupied with cataloguing his shoe collection, to take over from him as guardian of the universe. The story in which Rimmer leaves, well sort of

"Ouroboros"

Starbug comes across a rip in space/time. Travelling directly through it they find a rip in the fabric that separates dimensions in the cargo hold. Travelling into the rip they find themselves in a tunnel between realities and come face to face with alternate versions of themselves. Except in that dimension Rimmer was killed as was Dave Lister however Kochanski was put into stasis for hiding a cat, (see the season two story "Stasis Leak"), and Holly brought Dave back as a hologram who is now made up of hard light. When a Gelf ship attacks the corridor Kochanski is stranded in our dimension - a prospect that neither Kochanski or Kryten finds appealing. Meanwhile the incident answers a question that Lister has been trying to answer all his life, who is he and who are his parents ?

"Duct Soup"

Whilst Kochanski comes to terms with being marooned without the comforts of "her" Dave Lister or her cottage cheese with pineapple chunks and with the fact that the only thing in the fridge is a pair of training shoes, a malfunction in the heating and ventilation system causes Starbug's generator to break down. The crew have no choice but to crawl along the ships heating and water vents in order to reach the engine room. Along the way they learn something interesting about Lister and when they realize the ship is heading into a nearby star, Kryten has to make a very embarrassing confession.

"Blue"

As tensions between Kochanski and the crew begin to rise and Kryten tries to hold himself back whilst Kochanski keeps moving the Salad cream from the fridge to the cupboard, Lister is extremely disturbed to find that he misses Rimmer. Soon Rimmer even invades his dreams and it's up to Kryten and the AI suite to bring him back to normality.

"Beyond A Joke"

Whilst Kryten goes to the trouble of preparing a special meal to celebrate the anniversary of his rescue from the Nova 5, (see the season 2 story "Kryten"), Kristine Kochanski tries to educate the crew by taking them to a Pride and Prejudice VR world. Unfortunately Kryten snaps and after intruding into their VR simulation armed with a blowpipe, (complete with poisoned darts), and a Russian tank - he blows his top ... literally.

"Epideme" (Part One of Two)

Whilst scanning a frozen mass in space, the crew discover the Leviathan, a huge spacecraft buried deep in the ice. Docking Starbug with the massive derelict the crew go aboard and Kryten discovers life signs. Tracking them to their source they discover the frozen body of Caroline Carmen, a former member of the Red Dwarf crew, and take her back to Starbug to thaw out. Unfortunately when she does she is revealed to be a zombie, animated by a deadly virus within her. Seeking out a new host she attacks Lister and infects him with the Epideme virus. After being examined by Kryten, Lister is told that there is no cure for the virus and the only way to save his life would seem to be to talk to it. Linking himself to the ships Universal Translator, (Trek fans take note), the crew tries to talk Epideme out of killing Lister. Unfortunately for Lister, when this fails the only way to save him seems to be to drive Epideme into taking refuge in Listers arm, and then cut it off !!

"Nanarchy" (Part Two of Two)

Whilst suffering depression following the loss of his arm, Listers crew mates try to get him to face his problem and start to live with it whilst Kryten mothers him incessantly. Following an unsuccessful attempt at using an artificial arm, the crew set out to find Kryten's Rogue nanobots, who could construct Lister a new arm from his existing body tissues. When they head back to the planet on which they found the USS Esperanto, they find much more than they expected, the remains of Red Dwarf and Holly the shipboard computer.
The Nano-bots and the Red Dwarf they had been chasing are soon found in an EXTREMELY unusual place

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Series VIII

"Back In The Red" (Part One Of Three)

Lister and Rimmer are in their new jail sleeping quarters on Red Dwarf. Lister tries in vain to get Rimmer to talk to him and we then flash back to three days earlier where we finished the previous season, Cat pilots Starbug into the Dwarf's landing bay which is now huge. As they fly through an air vent the ship begins to shrink back to it's proper size. When they finally land (or crash) Starbug we learn that the nanobots have resurrected the crew along with the ship. Lister thinks this is a godsend but Captain Hollister promptly arrests him and the others for stealing and then destroying a Starbug. While confined to his old quarters Lister is met by Rimmer and, after being disgusted that Rimmer has returned to his original smeghead self, pleads with him to help him and the others escape before they are sentenced. The Captain and the other officers are trying to figure out why they are now in deep space and how the ship has changed shape to its original design. Lister offers to help Rimmer get promoted by giving him the crews confidential files which are aboard Starbug. Rimmer gets the files and also finds the Luck Virus and Sexual Magnetism Virus (from Quarantine s5/ep3). Rimmer tries the sexual magnetism and women suddenly begin noticing him.

As he saunters down the corridors amidst several women giving him the eye, he declares: "The World Loves a Bastard!"

"Back In The Red" (Part Two Of Three)

 Part 2 begins with Rimmer putting his plan into action. Get Rimmer Officerhood, Power and Eminence (GROPE for short) is in full swing as he sucks up to Captain Hollister using the confidential files Lister gave him. However Rimmer will not help Lister and the others escape until he is promoted. Lister secretly takes some of the Luck Virus and escapes from the holding cell and heads to find his compares. Kryten is classified as a woman as he has no apparent genitals and is put in with Kochanski. This won't last long as the engineers are planning to restore him to his factory settings. One thing he cannot do is say no to a superior officer and this event ultimately happens. Lister finds Kochanski and the Cat (who is being held in the medical bay while they try to figure out exactly what he is) and the three find the no-personality Kryten. To avoid detection they dress up as the Dibbley family using mop heads as wigs and big, ugly false teeth. Upon seeing the three in their ridiculous get-up, Kryten's files are corrupted almost instantly and he reverts to his usual self. While all this is going on, Rimmer is invited to dinner with the captain and some of the officers. He makes the mistake of taking some of the Sexual Magnetism virus beforehand and is led off with the female officers to have wild animal sex. Obviously Rimmer is worn out from all this and takes some anaesthetic to cool down his nether regions. During dinner Hollister mentions that the Dwarfers' Trial is already happening as they are in a VR suite and their escape is part of the trial. While Lister, Kochanski, Cat and Kryten begin their escape (in their heads of course), Rimmer runs to the VR suite to stop them mentioning anything about him.

"Back In The Red" (Part Three Of Three)

 Rimmer and Lister are trying to adjust to life in prison given that they are in the worst area you could possibly get. They go on about trying to survive the next two years there as we fade into.... From where we left off, Lister, Kochanski, Cat and Kryten are dressed up as the Dibbley family and making their escape. What they don't know is that they are hooked up to a VR suite and all of this is a simulation. They climb aboard a Blue Midget, which is very different to what we have seen before. It is now a large vehicle which stands upright on two massive legs. After a fabulous display from the Cat where he tap dances with the Midget, they make their escape. Rimmer gets to the VR suite and types a command to erase any references to the deal he and Lister made. Suddenly the scene aboard the Blue Midget cuts to erase several words and it looks like a bad editing job. After several moments of jumping around they realise they are in VR and Rimmer is the one responsible for what is happening (although they can't say it because it just gets erased). Amazingly, Cat locates the kill switch for the VR program and they disappear but are then entered into the screensaver and appear as clay animations. Kryten tells them to look around for a power source to shut off the VR and again, Cat amazingly finds it on a bottle of Ketchup that he claims is a 'Power Sauce'. They escape the VR and confront Rimmer. After much arguing they decide to take Rimmer with them and they all go down (again) to the landing bay and escape. Holly realises that they are all still in VR because his alter-ego on the Dwarf has been rebooted. Cut to Hollister and the other Holly who are talking about what they have just witnessed. Despite being innocent of the charges, Hollister still finds them guilty of stealing confidential files and they all get their two years in jail. At their orientation in prison, Lister creeps up behind Rimmer and pours the rest of the Sexual Magnetism virus on his shoulders. Unaware, Rimmer slowly begins to notice the inmates around him casting glances in his direction, then moving closer with disturbing smiles on their faces. As pairs of grimy hands begin to fasten around his body parts, Rimmer succumbs to panic and the scene mercifully disappears from sight......

"Cassandra"

 Lister mistakenly signs the gang up for the 'Canaries', prisoners that go into dangerous situations first to ensure it is safe for the important people. Their first mission is to investigate a derelict spaceship, and our crew come across a computer called 'Cassandra' who can accurately predict the future. When she predicts that Rimmer will die when the ship disintegrates, he goes to great lengths to prevent it from happening.

"Krytie TV"

 Kryten complains to Lister about being placed in the women's wing of the prison and makes the fatal mistake of revealing he showers with them too. The male inmates want him to sneak in a camera and film them but he refuses. Kill Crazy and some other inmates reprogram him, turning him into a ruthless entrepreneur and he creates "Krytie TV", a pay-per-view service offering "Women's Shower Night" and other events. Lister tries to get Kryten to stop, as he and Rimmer are in the middle of an appeal against their sentences, but Kryten plays a trick on them, getting them to mistakenly trash Ackerman's quarters live on Krytie TV.

"Pete" (Part One Of Two)

 Lister and Rimmer are constantly getting into trouble. After playing a practical joke on Ackerman they are forced to play in an inmates vs. guards basketball game and win by putting erectile solution in the guards drinks. Punishment for that is to peel potatoes for the next three weeks and to make that go faster they steal a programmable virus to peel them but it ends up eating their clothes and hair. Punishment for that is to spend three weeks in the Hole where they meet Birdman, who has been in there for nine years and has only one friend, a sparrow named Pete. Meanwhile Kryten, Cat and Kochanski are sent aboard a derelict ship where they find a device which can change the time stream surrounding an object or person to make it move extremely slow or fast and decide to use it to make their prison sentences go by in a flash. On Red Dwarf they freeze the crew and break Lister, Rimmer and Birdman out of the hold. Unfortunately Pete dies and Kryten tries to use the device to bring him back but accidentally reverses his evolution by several million years, turning Pete into a T-Rex.....

"Pete" (Part Two of Two)

 Our crew desperately try to turn Pete back into a sparrow before the time freeze wears off but Pete eats a Skutter who was holding the time wand. The crew put out a heap of food for Pete and he eats it but then runs amok on the ship. Meanwhile the freeze wears off and Rimmer and Lister are hauled in front of Hollister who gives them a long and detailed account of how Pete ate almost all of the ship's supplies and then was sick. The time wand is retrieved and Hollister demands that they turn Pete back to normal. Lister and Rimmer complete the task and destroy the time wand, but they notice all too late that Pete had laid an egg that begins to hatch...

"Only The Good"

An escape pod docks with the Dwarf and is carrying the only survivor of a ship which was attacked by a genetically-engineered corrosive lifeform. Unfortunately, the corrosive material is also on board and begins to eat away at Red Dwarf.
Meanwhile Lister tricks Kryten into believing that Kochanski's 'time-of-the-month' is an event to be celebrated and he embarrasses himself in front of her. Plotting revenge, Kryten steals four flagons of illegal alcohol from an inmate and leaves it in Lister and Rimmer's cell just before an inspection. Lister discovers the alcohol and he and Rimmer are forced to drink it before their inspection.  They only take one mouthful out of the bottle and are immediately drunk. Meanwhile, the crew learn of the lifeform destroying Red Dwarf and plan to abandon ship, leaving the prisoners aboard to die. The gang figure out a way to combat the lifeform by creating a doorway into an opposite universe and finding the opposite to the corrosive material. Rimmer goes through the doorway first but the machine malfunctions and he is stuck there until the others can fix it. Rimmer finds the formula for the opposite substance and goes back to his reality, but he learns that the ship is rapidly breaking apart and the others are nowhere to be found. He goes to make the formula but realises that it has reverted to the corrosive substance and is useless. He is knocked out and lies on the floor awaiting the inevitable when the Grim Reaper appears and tells him that his time has come.

Rimmer gets up and unceremoniously knees Death in the groin, and quips: "Remember, Only The Good Die Young!"

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