All About Chickens

Everything you need to know about chickens!


All I Need To Know In Life I Learned From My Chickens
by Michaele Oleson

Wake up early, stay busy
Rest when you need to, but always stay alert
Visit you favourite places every day
Scratch out a living
Routine is good
Plump is good
Don't ponder your purpose in life - your brain is too small
Accept the pecking order and know you enemies
Weed your garden
Look after your children
- Sit on them if necessary
- Take them for walks, show them the little things and talk constantly
Make a nice nest - share it with friends
Brag on your accomplishments
Protect your nest egg
Test your wings once in a while
Squawk when necessary
As you age, demand respect
Leave a little something for those who care about you
Chase butterflies

How To Hypnotise A Chicken

There are two ways to hypnotise chickens; the 'mimic method' and the 'chalk line' method.

The Mimic Method
This mimics the action of the bird, sleeping with it's head under it's wing.
  1. Take one chicken
  2. Tuck it's head under it's wing
  3. Gently rock the chicken from side to side for a few seconds
  4. Carefully, very carefully, set the chicken down.
The bird should now stay in that pose for some time.

The Chalk Line Method
  1. Take one chicken.
  2. Lay it down on a plain, dark surface with it's head facing forward and the beak held down firmly.
  3. Take a piece of white chalk
  4. Draw a line starting from the beak, directly away from the chicken, for about 30 centimetres
Your chicken is now hypnotised

The Reawakening
Eventually, even if you don't disturb it, the chicken will awaken. It will usually let out a very surprised 'bwark' and look, for all the world, like it doesn't know how it got into that rediculous position.

Myths

1 - Chickens have no feeling, therefore they don't feel the cold of the frigid winters here.
Chickens shiver, and get frostbite. They also scream at you if you hurt them, so therefore they do have feeling.

2 - Pointy eggs hatch male.
If this was true then the hatcheries wouldn't be paying people to sex the chicks at day old.

3 - You have to have at least one rooster because the chickens won't hide from predators unless a roo tells them to.

4 - Brown eggs are free range and white eggs are factory farmed.
I keep my chickens in exactly the same conditions and one of them lays white eggs, one of them lays brown. The egg colour is entirely
based upon breed. Eggshell colour in no way affects the nutritional content of the egg.
 
5 - Brown chickens lay brown eggs and white chickens lay white eggs.
Buff leghorns (brown chickens) lay white eggs and Rhode Island Whites lay brown eggs. However, this story is sometimes true such as with the Rhode Island Red and White Leghorn.

6 - You will definitely get bird flu if you have chickens.

7 - Hens won't lay without a rooster.
I have hens and no rooster and they lay. You only need a rooster if you are going to breed.

8 - If a rooster crows at any time other than daybreak then there will be rain.
Following that rule, Texas (which is currently in drought) would be in perpetual flood.

9 - Chickens don't lay eggs in winter
Mine do.

10 - Chickens don't lay eggs in winter because their vents get cold and shrink.
Chicken's laying only slows down in wintertime because they get less light, which triggers the egg laying.

11 - You don't need an incubator to hatch eggs, you just need to put them under a fluorescent light
I'll pay you $100 for every chick you hatch in this way. Chicks need heat to develop.

12 - Roosters crow at sunrise, and only sunrise.
Roosters crow at all times of the day and night.

13 - Eating eggs raises your cholesterol.
This myth stems from old research that suggested that the amount of cholesterol in our food was directly related to the amount of cholesterol in our food. However, new research says that it's the amount of fat (of which eggs have relatively little) in our diets that affects how much cholesterol is in our blood.

14 - Bird flu can be passed on in meat and eggs.
      
15 - Too many eggs causes constipation.
This is untrue - this myth was derived from the culinary term 'to bind' which refers to the ability of eggs to bring dry ingredients together in a recipe.

16 - Mille Fleur is a breed.
Mille Fleur is a colour pattern but some *uneducated* people think that mille fleur is a breed. The mille fleurs that they are referring to is in fact mille fleur d'uccles. Other breeds come in mille fleur as well.

17 - All bantams have feathered feet.

18 - Bantams are the only chickens that go broody.
I have had large fowl go broody before. It's just an old wives tale.

19 - All bantams are fighting chickens.

20 - The male fertilizes the eggs after they are laid.
No, the male mates with the hen, and then one of the sperm in encased in shell with the white and yolk.

21 - Only males have combs and wattles.
No, both sexes have combs and wattles.

22 - Putting a bantam rooster in with your hens will make them lay small eggs.
No, it is the breed of hen, rather than the rooster that determines the egg size.

23 - Green and blue eggs are dyed.
No, it is the breed that determines the colour of the egg shell.

24 - There is something in the feed to make the egg shells blue or green.
No, it is the breed that determines the colour of the egg shell.

Poem (Untitled, Author Unknown)

Please stop me if your've heard this plan,
(It's ancient as the dickens)
Of how a very stingy man
Thought he'd get rich with chickens.
Said he, "I'll not feed corn or wheat,
I can't afford to buy it;
But sawdust should be good to eat,
I'll get a hen and try it."
So he mixed sawdust with some oats,
And bought a female chicken,
And she waxed fat, like thrifty shoats,
And did not die, nor sicken.
So day by day this thrifty guy,
Who should have had his jaw bust,
Cut down the oats, till bye and bye
He fed her naught but sawdust.
And she laid eggs, and all went well,
Until one day he set her,
And in three weeks she hatched out, well...
Her hatch could have been better.
For oh, my friends, from out those eggs,
Instead of domineckers,
There came two chickens with peg legs,
And thirteen...yes...woodpeckers!

This appeared in the April 1921 edition of 'The Poultry Item'.

“These modern methods make me sick”
Thus spake old Biddy Dominick
“We used to please ourselves you bet,
Folks took what fresh eggs they could get,
But now we stay up half the night
and lay our eggs by Mazda light.
This culling also I protest,
I'm getting old, I want to rest.
Yet if in laying I grow lax

I'll be the next to get the axe.


Beat a Chicken at Tic-Tac-Toe to Win $10,000 in Las Vegas
http://www.reviewjournal.com/lvrj_home/2002/Jul-30-Tue-2002/living/19262071.html

"Can't Stuff This" - Thanksgiving Turkey Ecard
http://www.msn.americangreetings.com/display.pd?bfrom=1&prodnum=3114507&path=25200

Nike Angry Chicken Advert
Please don't try throwing chickens around like they blatently did in this ad




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