In spite of consumerism having a field day, in spite of DINK philosophy ruling the roost and in spite of Yuppie culture having spread its tentacles far and wide, it is a sorry state of affairs that sweetmeat vendors are left stranded high and dry. They are facing a really tough proposition. Apparently, a vast majority of diseases are related to the heart (of which people know precious little!) and news items continuously caution that such diseases can be directly linked to the intake of sugar. Hence, everyone but everyone is wary of sweet dishes – leaving the poor sweetmeat vendors to fend for themselves.  

It is not that sweet dishes do not find any takers or that they have become outdated in the era of hamburgers and pizzas. Only, the nature of dishes has undergone immense changes in the last half century or so. 

Bowbazar Street in Kolkata used to be known once upon a time as ‘chhana patti’. On this street there used to be any number of sweetmeat shops proudly displaying mouth varieties of their products. These used to come in all shapes, sizes and colors. There were the cylindrical ones, the round ones, the conical ones and the cubical ones. Some had a yellow tinge, others a flush of pink or a dash of green. Whilst one was as smooth as the shell of an egg, the one in the adjacent tray was covered with sand like particles. Some were of the wet family, others dry or even semi-dry! My vote always used to go to the ‘tal-shash’. Shaped just like the tender kernel of the palm fruit, it boasted of an extremely hard exterior with a deliciously soft centre. How the moyras managed to insert the sweet liquid into its very core is, even today, a mystery.  

I am referring to the period of the late fifties. 

My brothers and I used to stare longingly at the showcases as we waited for our route bus to arrive – longingly because we were not entitled to any such thing as pocket money which could have been diverted to soothe our desires. The concept of pocket money, in those days, was non existant. When we left for school in the morning, Mother would give me one rupee towards the up and down fare for my three brothers and me. There was no question of any emergency fund because emergencies were unheard of and one rupee was quite adequate – the bus fare being twelve paise per head! 

Marriage festivities, in those days, were considered incomplete without an abundance of rosogollas, ladykenis. Even sandesh had its ardent followers.

 Such celebrations, today, present a totally different picture. Invitees arrive with gift cheques, bouquets, books and smiles. At the entrance, they are served soft drinks. Caterers guide them gently but firmly to their respective tables and dispose them off in a swift and efficient manner. Additional helpings cause raised eyebrows all around, hence not in the menu! And, the sweet dish has been virtually reduced to a cup of ice cream or a bowl of fruit salad. 

Women today are more conscious of their figures and men of their cholesterol levels. The basic approach to gaining and guaranteeing satisfaction is not that sweet any longer as it used to be in the good old days. Bhim Nag, K.C.Das, Ganguram and Jalajoga are just a few names that have become history. Today, cheap imitations rule the roost. True sweeties, alas, can now be discovered only in memories.  

INDIAN FAST FOODS

Indians love to fast – festivities are an integral part of an Indian’s life and fasting is normally associated with any festivity. The reason is really very simple. On the excuse of fasting, one is able to taste any number of delicacies!!  

However, fast food has got no relevance to fasting.  

When one broaches the subject of fast food, one normally visualizes pizzas, hamburgers and coke because fast food is supposed to be a Western concept, an indication of a fast lifestyle. How poor our knowledge is!! Fast foods were known to Bengalis as far back as the fifties – there used to be a tele-bhaja shop near Beadon Street where people used to stand in queue to wait his turn of the deliciously hot, crisp tele-bhaja made of thin slices of brinjal or potatoes dipped in a batter of besan.  The people standing in the queue would be from six to sixty years of age, men and women alike. It was rumored that the oil used to fry these delicacies was never changed – when the level became low, some more oil was just added to top up the level! The special taste of these tele-bhajas was attributable to this singular factor – that is what people say!! This is not to belittle the moghlai parathas and kaviraji cutlets which used to hold centre stage in the times when people still patronized the cinemas.  

Then there are the singaras and the jilipis specific to the Bengalis. In other parts of the country, singaras are better known as samosas and jilipis as jilebis. The only difference is that in the Bengali culture, both these items are normally found in the breakfast menu and are seldom prepared after nine in the morning! The reason is not very far to discover – the fast food menu of Bengalis revolve around the umpteen plus one roadside stalls set up at nearly every street corner. A very practical method of tackling mass scale unemployment, each stall owner manages to break even and earn a reasonable amount of profit. They market various types of rolls – the egg roll, chicken roll, mutton roll along with Chinese dishes like noodles and chili chicken. Variety is the spice, so the saying goes, and the Bengalis have mastered the art of serving innumerable types of fast foods. With hundreds and thousand of hungry mouths to feed, they seldom face a shortage of customers. Whether it is a sultry summer evening or a wet monsoonish one, fast food is always in demand. The ingredients used in all such preparations, when mixed in the correct proportion and fried, emit such an out-of-the-world aroma that you would literally stop in your tracks to taste the final product. Our TV chefs would give millions to learn these secrets!!   

Nowadays, the southern versions of fast foods are also making inroads into the cosmopolitan culture of large cities. Idli, dosa, uthappam, urid wada and upma are just a few names that have become popular in Bengali homes as well as in Punjabi homes. Cutting into a three inch diameter rawa idli with a generous topping of cashew nuts and a spoonful of pure ghee gradually vanishing into its innumerable pores is an experience by itself. The urid wada (spongy, like the soya bean doughnuts I had once tasted in an American exhibition in Calcutta in the fifties) comes in two versions – one, the dry type and the other with an accompanying concoction called sambhar in which tiny bits of pumpkin, onion, tomato, drumstick and brinjal float in a gravy of pulse and tamarind juice garnished with ground coconut.   

In the north, the vote invariably goes to chats, golguppas, moong-ki-halwa and different types of pakoras. I specially remember the pakoras made of cauliflower. Large chunks of cauliflower would be dipped in a batter of besan and deep fried in a really large container. If you tasted one, you would certainly long for another – kya kare, control nehi hota! Moong-ki-halwa is another favorite of the north – if prepared with an abundance of ghee and garnished with cashew nuts and kish-mish, it converts into a dish fit only for the Kings. I had the pleasure of tasting the delicacy in a roadside stall in Delhi in the seventies and the taste still lingers on in my palate. Similar is the case with the chana-batura. A dish patronized by the north, I was pleasantly surprised to discover it on the menu-card of Kamat Hotel in Bangalore! 

All these tiny examples go to prove that India is really a country where unity exists in diversity. During my first visit to Bangalore in the seventies, I was compelled to have curd rice packed in paper bags at the roadside eateries. Non-vegetarian dishes were taboo. Today, practically all hotels and restaurants cater to non vegetarian customers. With every passing day, we keep on re-discovering our beloved India, in bits and pieces and our love keeps on growing. Corrupt politicians will come and go but there will always be people like you and me who will ensure that our tradition and culture are never lost.

TINY DROPS OF ECSTASY

‘Chhola’ (or gram) is a variety of pulse found in abundance in all parts of India. Also known as ‘chana’, it is extensively used in various delectable preparations of both the sweet and the non-sweet categories. The latter category normally uses the grains as available in the raw condition – namely, golden yellow spherical seeds. For preparation of sweets, however, these are ground into powder called ‘besan’ which transforms into beautiful artistic forms once they pass through the experienced hands of the experts. The most savoury of these is the mihidana. Mihi in Bengali means ‘fine’ and dana means ‘grain’. Mihidana, therefore, literally translates into ‘fine grains’. The process of preparation starts with a batter of besan and water. This batter is passed through a sieve into a pot of boiling oil. The holes in the sieve are such that the batter falls into the boiling oil drop by drop! These are then fried to obtain the required color after which these are removed from the boiling oil and transferred to a pot of syrup made of sugar. Within a few minutes, these are again moved and heaped on to a large flat tray (preferably made of wood) for drying. Finally, dried fruits and flavoring agent like nutmeg are added after which the mixture is ready for the artists touch! By the deft movement of the palm and fingers, the artists convert this mass into round balls simultaneously arranging them on trays for the final garnishing with chopped pistas and kish-mish. 

At one time, ready made mihidana mix was a rage in Calcutta. One pouch contained the tiny globules (akin to Homeopathic globules) whilst the second one had the ground sugar. All one had to do to have a mouth watering dish was to dissolve the powdered sugar in water, bring it to boil and add the ingredients of the accompanying pouch – and, presto! Tiny drops of ecstasy were waiting to be pounced upon. 

One more sweet variety is the darbesh.  

The holes in the sieve here are of a larger diameter. The process is similar to that explained earlier except that color plays a significant role. Three colors are popular – red, yellow and green. Boondies are prepared in each of these colors separately, allowed to absorb the sweetness of the syrup separately and are mixed with dry fruits and flavoring agent on the flat wooden tray. Since the consistency of the syrup is lighter, penetration into each globule is more. In areas other than Bengal, coloring is absent and the boondies are drier. The finished product, in these cases, is called Boondi-ki-Laddoo. 

For non sweet varieties, salt and red chili powder is mixed in the batter. The boondies are not soaked in syrup but are preserved dry for subsequent use in raitas as required. Boondie based raita garnished with chopped coriander leaves and green chilies are something one can seldom refuse!

ANDA KA FUNDA

Last year we had that famous controversy surrounding cold drinks. ‘Thanda ka funda’ got the boot. Now it is the turn of eggs. Whilst agencies try to promote the consumption of eggs, it is now revealed that these shelled wonders contain high ‘dioxin’ levels – it seems that Indian samples exhibit 5.5 times higher than the EU limits.  

The ‘anda ka funda’ seems to have undergone a complete turn around.  

We grew up on eggs. In our nursery days we learnt all about Humpty and Dumpty who sat on a wall, fell down, and made a mess of their lives. The army was called in by the King but the poor creatures could not be reassembled.  

As we stepped into our youth, we discovered that eggs are a sort of symbol of bachelorhood – different methods of preparation of eggs added to the repertoire of the bachelors’ cuisine capabilities. From simple boiled eggs, to half boiled ones, followed by the omelettes and scrambled eggs, the bachelors had to master the arts or go hungry. There were no pizza parlors around with the guaranteed promise of half-an-hour time limit for delivery; else it comes to you free. Neither were there two minute noodles that you just boiled in water and consumed as you took in the day’s news before making a bee line for the bus or tram or train or whatever to take you to your place of work. 

In between it was reported that eggs add to your cholesterol levels – the yolk of eggs contain substances that dissolve readily in blood and result in blocked arteries of the heart. Hence eggs are to be avoided like poison. Consumers became cautious. It was expected that someone would come up with a variety of yolkless eggs as we have ‘sugarless’ sweetener tablets for the diabetics! That has not happened till now.  

The fact of the matter is that we love eggs for breakfast, lunch and dinner. The delicious Moghlai pararthas of Anadi cabin and its clones are unimaginable without eggs. Even today the evenings of Kolkata are incomplete without those mouth watering egg rolls, wrapped and delivered to you on a platter - literally.

THE WONDERLAND OF CHIPS

Couch potato is a term coined in recent years to aptly describe an addict of the IB (Idiot Box, for the uninitiated!)  

His world revolves around the couch and the remote. He loves to curl up on the couch and stray away only for brief moments to attend to other more necessary and mandatory duties like having his lunch, dinner, releasing excess pressure etc.. 

Potato, in many Indian languages, is called ‘aloo’. 

The episode in a cricket match in faraway Canada, where a cricketer was referred to as ‘aloo’ and the ruckus it subsequently created is still not erased from memory. This multi purpose vegetable can be readily converted into any number of eatables in the hands of experts. 

Let us start with the simplest – the potato chips. 

Sliced into wafer thin pieces after peeling and cleaning, these are allowed to soak in a salt solution and then deep fried. These miraculously transform into crispy chips – a heavenly delight, as some may say.  

In olden days, when the matinee and evening shows attracted young and old alike to the cinema halls, sharing a packet of such chips inside the darkened hall trying to ensure that the sound of munching did not distract others, posed a tremendous challenge. If you had persons of the fairer sex for company, it was all the more necessary to suppress their giggles because girls have a habit of giggling whenever something unusual happens. In this case, trying to stifle the munching sound, when a certain amount of sound is inevitable!! 

Today, a similar offering of potato chips are disbursed in attractive packages and marketed via the electronic visual media with the help of popular personalities who keep trying out new story lines to bring home the point that – ‘nobody can eat just one!’ The amount of money spent on such ads could provide full lunch for a couple of villages in Andhra or Orissa for at least a few days.  

But, then, this is the world of consumerism and glamour plays a vital role in promoting the goodies. Many cannot afford such luxuries but the central idea is to create a desire for such products. That itself is half the battle won. Once a desire is created, the individual is bound to discover ways and means of fulfilling that desire. That is the second half of the battle! The banana chip has an importance of its own and calls for attention. 

It is high time someone started an ambitious project to popularize this chip globally. A new set of personalities can descend on the scene to deliver the goods as per a fresh agenda – and, in turn, increase our Foreign Reserves. The new slogan could be – ‘banana ko na nehi bolna!’

THE MILKY WAY REDEFINED

Milk is normally identified as the raw material necessary to make butter, cheese, ice creams and condensed milk. Pizzas are considered to be incomplete without a generous topping of grated cheese! In India, however, milk is the basic ingredient of innumerable varieties of delicious sweets found from Kolkata to Coimbatore. In the sixties, Dr Kurien and his ‘Operation Flood’ created a revolution of sorts and gave rise to a phenomenon called ‘Amul’! It has, since, become a household name associated with practically all types of preparation involving milk, except, possibly, rosogollas! Gone are the days when the milkman would milk the cow or buffalo right in front you and transfer the fresh warm frothy milk from his bucket to your container. The complete system of storage and distribution of milk has undergone a tremendous change – with pouches being delivered at your doorsteps today along with the newspaper! 

One of the simplest of sweet dishes that can be prepared with milk base by anyone is ‘payas’ (in Bengali) and ‘payasam’ (in Malayalam). It is the end product of raw rice being boiled in milk. When the mixture starts to thicken, sugar is added apart from cashew nuts, pistas (pistachios) almonds and kish-mish. Bay leaves and ground cardamom impart a heavenly flavor. The preparation should be allowed to cool to room temperature before serving. This special dish is a must in birthday parties. The Malayalam version adds grated coconut. 

Another simple dish involves a great deal of time and patience and is to be attempted only if you have an abundance of both. All you have to do to have a helping of ‘kheer’ is to take about two liters of milk in a large vessel and simmer for at least four hours over a slow flame. After four hours, you have to ensure that it does not start to stick to the walls of the vessel hence you must continuously stir the contents. The final product also should be served when cool. In Bengal there are innumerable moulds made of clay or wood which are used to give attractive shapes. No flavoring agent is necessary because, when two liters of milk is reduced to two hundred grams, it automatically acquires a distinct flavor of its own.  

Other popular milk preparations in the North and the East are made from ‘chhana’. This is nothing but milk intentionally curdled by using lime or alum or some sour substance. The curdled mass is drained of all traces of water and used to prepare mouth watering rosogollas. Recently, these are being compressed mechanically and marketed as slabs of paneer. The preparations with paneer very seldom fall in the category of sweets. They are used to make tasty wholesome dishes with plenty of spices. Alu paneer, matar paneer and palak paneer, to name a few, taken with tandoori roti or roomali roti are relished by young and old alike.   

And, of course, a brief on milk products must make a mention of curd and raita to ensure completeness.

MANGO VS COCONUT

Every country has its national flag followed by its national flower, national animal, national bird, national fruit and, of late, a multitude of national heroes! A Google search reveals that there are umpteen plus sites devoted to these subjects – the national animal, tiger (tiger panthera tigris) – 1,450, 000; the national bird, peacock (pavo cristatus) – 707,000; the national flower, lotus (nelumbo nucifera) – 525,000; and the national fruit, mango – 651,000.  However, just as the national animal sometimes gets mixed up – is it the tiger or the cow – similarly, there seems to be a mix-up about the national fruit – is it still the mango or is it the coconut?  The reasons are not far to see – where the animals are concerned, at every opportunity we bring up the bovine animal into the picture and weave all sorts of controversies around it while we seldom talk about the dwindling population of the canine counterpart – the tiger. 

Mango is no doubt, the King of fruits – whether it is the Ratnagiri hapus of Maharastra or the chausa of Lucknow or the Fajli or Himsagar varieties of Bengal, these wonderful creations of God are unparalleled. Before ripening, these can be converted into pickles – both of the sweet and the sour varieties. Once ripe, they serve as refreshing desserts. Chilled Mango juice is gaining popularity. Some varieties taste like heaven once the juice is squeezed and sugar is added to the resultant semi solid along with a few spices. Some prefer to dry these semi solids, layer after later and preserve the final product that goes by the name of ‘amsatta’. 

The coconut pales into insignificance against this backdrop. But they are also climbing the pop chart – slowly but steadily. Once upon a time, these were grown only in the sea coasts of Kerala and Karnataka apart from the river banks and waters of Bengal. It was given to understand that salty water was good for these trees. To prove the point, visuals of the Caribbean islands can be referred. But, the fact remains that today the coconut has spread its tentacles. Coconut trees are a common sight in practically every new bungalow constructed in different parts of the country. And – ad jingles promoting coconut oils as the best for shiny hair add more weight to the subject.  

The debate would be an interesting one – mango versus coconut!! It would provide food for thought for a section of the people who are certain to argue that apart from catering to the taste buds, there is no other reason to vote for the mango. The coconut, on the other hand, serves as a source of pure drink, is a good food, its shells are made unto toys, the fibers of the coconuts are used to build ropes etc etc.. And, of course, Bollywood has lifted the coconut from the category of an ordinary fruit to something special by naming a character as Narielpaniwallah!!  

Can the mango boast of any such connection?

ONE FOR THE ROAD

‘One for the road’ is normally associated with hard drinks, a popular item in any party. An adult is supposed to consume at least eight liters of water every day to quench his thirst and to compensate for loss of water due to exertions and fatigue. In Western countries, drinks mean a liquid that provides energy and keeps the body warm. In tropical countries, on the other hand, drinks are meant to cool the body. Hence, we drink chilled water, iced lemon tea, different types of fruit juices and a combination of aerated drinks endorsed by cine personalities and cricketers. Ad spends run into crores of rupees and participants include old timers as well as up and coming stars who keep chanting lines like ‘yeh dil mange more’ – what their actual demand is remains an unknown entity shrouded in mystery. Storylines keep changing with the changing scenario and moods of people. A second group tells the viewer what ‘thanda’ actually is by having a village as the scene of action. Here the bottles are kept immersed in the water of a well to preserve its cool and to come to surface as and when demanded! Starting with 200 ml bottles, these cold drinks are sold in up to 2 liter bottles and are a rage with young and old alike. In order to keep pace with these MNCs, some fruit juices are marketed in polypack containers and are quite popular for those undertaking small journeys. Then there are the seasonal fruit juices like mango, orange, pineapple and sugar cane that are prepared and served in front of you.  

The ‘lassi’ however, is a totally different kettle of drinks!! 

Originally a north Indian product, it can today be found in any part of the country. I still remember my experiences when I first tasted this wonderful drink. Its preparation used to be a ritual of sorts. One person would pour some curd, sugar and water into a vessel. He would hold it tight in between his feet, insert a cylindrical shaped wooden ladle into the vessel and start churning the mixture vigorously. Another person would put some pieces of ice in a leather bag and, with the help of a flat wooden mallet, would crush the ice into tiny granules. When the churning was complete, the lassi maker would add these granules into it and serve. 

Today, the complete process is mechanized. 

In some restaurants, lassi is prepared once a day, in the morning, and preserved in a deep freezer – for withdrawal and issue based on demand. Unlike earlier days when it used to be prepared and served on demand to retain its freshness. 

But the drink that is bound to steal a march over all others is pure coconut water. Untouched by hand, preserved in its natural surroundings till such time a demand actually arises, the water of a tender coconut is fresh, nourishing and need no endorsement by any screen or sports personality, young or old! 

‘One for the road’, in the Indian context, is, undoubtedly, a tender coconut. 

If you are lucky enough, you may be rewarded with the soft sweet kernel deftly scooped out of the shell by the vendors and offered back to you – to munch in leisure.

INDIAN BITES

True to tradition, Indians bite the dust yet again. This time it is in the ICC Champions Trophy in Edgbaston ODI.  

The defeat was a foregone conclusion from the moment the toss went against the captain. His body language read abject surrender. Be it cricket, football or hockey or any other team game, it has been established that, as a team, we deliver very seldom. As individuals, there have been some remarkable exceptions like in chess, billiards etc. but the fact remains that Team India, as an entity, has yet to emerge even after more than fifty years of independence and a variety of political combinations experimented with at the centre! 

However, Indian bites can become a rage of sorts and can capture the imagination of millions if marketed aggressively. We can be assured of the highest of honors should such a competition ever be organized. The offerings on ‘khana khazana’, ‘mirch masala’ and so on pale into insignificance in front of the ingenuity of simple village women who have to churn out dishes with the barest minimum of ingredients in the shortest possible of time.

 A favorite question put to would be brides of yore was aimed at trying to ascertain the extent of creativeness the girl was endowed with.   

The question would be a simple one – ‘suppose some elderly relatives suddenly descended upon you and planned to stay over for the night, what would you serve for dinner?’ It has to be remembered that the scene is a remote village where bullock carts are the only means of transport, where kerosene lanterns provide the only source of light after sunset, where shops are absent hence, getting something off the shelf is also absent and where no one would venture out in the darkness to pluck vegetables from the field or throw a net in the pond to land some fish! The girl had to, perforce, rely only on what was physically available in the kitchen at that moment. Naturally, her options were extremely limited. In some cases, the girl would be told what ingredients were to be used, in other cases, the choice would be left to her. If she was able to conjure up some good recipes and managed to obtain pass marks, she would be assured of favorable placement in her new house – after marriage. In order to pass such examinations, these girls were taught how to make umpteen plus one preparations out of a simple vegetable like potato. It can be fried. It can be boiled, mashed and converted into quite a number of mouth watering dishes. Small freshly removed potatoes can be boiled and cooked with green peas to present a fantastic dish called ‘aloor dum’. 

Girls today do not have to face such critical examinations and undergo humiliation. Questions asked of them would probably be like – ‘do you know where pizzas originated from?’ or ‘how many varieties of pizzas have you tasted? Which is your favorite?’ or ‘how many pizza outlets are there in your locality?’

THE MASALA PUNCH

It seems that chili powder is not as red and as hot as we would like to believe.  

It is one more Indian product that found its way into the shelves of distant lands but the truth is that they have failed to generate the necessary impact. The exporters, in order to make a fast buck in the shortest possible time, went ahead and made a hotchpotch of the whole affair. As usual, we earned a bad name. We are trying to explain away the matter by putting forth excuses that we ourselves are not convinced about. But, who bothers. Today’s problem will soon be buried under some newer problem tomorrow. We love to create them for our survival. And, we love to divert attention from the main problem by pulling red herrings across the dirty trails. As it is, some so-called experts have explained away the affair by saying – ‘our main competitors are two of our neighboring countries whose yields are falling due to the vagaries of Nature. Therefore, in order to sustain their exports, they are raising such issues to discredit us!’ 

Not just chili powder but other food products are also adulterated left and right. 

Adding water to milk and vanaspati to butter and ghee are age-old traditions like adding stone particles to wheat and rice. The different methods of adulteration vary from place to place. Artificial ripening of mangoes and bananas is something we have known for ages. Increasing the size of grapes by the use of chemicals is also common. Recycling used garam masala ingredients like lawang, elaichi, and dal-chini and substituting dry papaya seeds in-lieu of black pepper have lost their novelty. Once upon a time there was a tremendous ruckus over the adulteration of mustard oil – at one point of time, it had totally vanished from the market! It has, since, reappeared. Coloring agents used in making sweets more attractive involves chemicals that are harmful to the body. Users are fully aware of these factors. But, we do not discourage use of such products.  

By far the most difficult adulterants to trace are chemicals that are employed to increase the yield of vegetables and their sizes. Insecticides used to protect the crops and other food products also have unacceptable side effects.

 CATCH THE TASTE MATCH

From Chennai to Chandigarh, from Delhi to Dibrugarh, from Kolkata to Coimbatore, everyone has something special to offer to tickle your taste buds. Depending on the size of your pocket, you can seize their packets – looks may be deceptive, mere looks may not always do justice to the final product. Chana-batura in the Udipi Hotels of Bangalore may not taste the same as that in the street corners of Hauz Khas. Similarly, the super soft rawa idlis of Mysore can never compete in taste with rawa idlis in Mumbai. ‘Mishti doi’ (sweet curd) and sponge rosogollas are typical Bengali delicacies that have yet to be cloned like its Mughlai parathas. The only regret is that the prevalent fast food culture is forcing these typical delicacies to contain themselves in tiny pockets. Large Hotels do conduct experiments once in a while by organizing lunches with typical local dishes on the occasion of festivals. But, the rates are pegged at levels that discourage commoners. They can only read about these in the papers or see glimpses of the celebrations on the small screen and sigh – ‘if only I had the power…’ 

It is reported that Malabari parathas from Kerala have carved a niche for themselves in the International market. The state government’s efforts have ensured that this ethnic food of the Muslims of the northern Malabar region literally goes places. Earlier there were only two companies making these parathas and curry for exports. Now there are as many as fifteen small and big names associated with export of this product. Demands exist from the US, European countries, Gulf countries and Australia, where the South Asian population is gradually increasing. As a spokesman of one of the leading companies mentioned – his company makes fifty thousand parathas daily over a twenty four hour period to meet the growing demands! 

Any program that showcases great cooks and their still greater cookeries become instant hits. No matter which channel or what language, recipes that tickle ones taste buds are bound to grab attention. Remember the catch line ‘taste the thunder?’ It’s all about bowing down to tastes.

THE ELUSIVE ARJUNA

One more game gifted away. A Team that was struggling at 35 for 6 is allowed to score 215 runs thanks to the unparalleled captaincy of the most successful captain of all times and by the wonderful bowling tactics of the turbaned one who returned figures of 55 for zero!! When it comes to our Team, we totter at 48 for 8 till our tail-enders try to perform miracles. They very nearly succeeded but, our opposition Captain had other ideas – he knew just when to ring in the changes. He ensures that we do not deviate from our norms – of defeat, defeat and defeat.

Many are shocked that this year’s list of Arjuna awards does not include any cricketer even though cricket has become a passion for us and we have got used to seeing non-performers endorse a wide range of products. One of the TV channels conducted a poll and, it transpires that 76% agree with the decision of the organizers. Considering the continuous failures and innumerable excuses put forward to justify the gradual decline in the standards of the game, it is a wonder that a couple of names were proposed.

Arjuna is one of the Pandavas immortalised in the Mahabharata. We, as Indians, respect the teachings of this epic because, in it are enshrined tales of love, hate, devotion and courage. It encompasses each and every aspect of life and, even though clones have surfaced from time to time, they have been miserable flops. Arjuna is an important character in the Mahabharata, he is a warrior to the core and, when war is declared, he hesitates in the battlefield of Kurukshetra. Lord Krishna, as his chariot driver, then delivers his famous sermon.

The reason for naming the awards for excellence in sports as the Arjuna awards stems from the fact that Arjuna, when he went to the Swyambar sabha, had to string the bow and shoot an arrow to pierce the eye of the fish. The fish was hidden behind a disc that had holes along its periphery. While the fish was stationary, the disc was rotating! It was an extremely difficult task to perform but, Arjuna accomplished the near impossible since he concentrated on his task of taking aim and hitting the target. He had the eye of the fish in his sight. It was all about the oneness of purpose, the single mindedness of achieving the near impossible, of dedication to outshine others.

Therefore, our bowlers should have their sights on the stumps behind the batsman, our batsmen on gaps in the field to steal singles and twos (and, refrain from thrashing opposition bowlers from the word ‘go’), and our fielders on the ball. In short, our cricketers have to prove that they still have it in them, they must strive hard to prove to the world that the word ‘chokers’ has been really and truly banished from their dictionary.

OVEREXPOSED AND DOOMED

Our boys did it yet again. I wonder how many variations of these words have appeared in the press and the electronic media.

When a batting side rattles up 150 odd runs before they lose the first wicket on or around the 25^th over, expectations are that they will cruise to a final total of 300 plus. Unfortunately, this is a reality show and such does happen when Indians are involved. When the great wall crumbles time and again, it is obvious that introspection is a must. Is he influenced by the innumerable advices given to him on every aspect of the game by people who are totally unknown? When the captain boasts of holding the best record as a captain on the number of wins, does he forget that in the past 16 finals, his team has succumbed to pressure in 15 cases? When the turbaned one sees that the magic of his spins has worn off, does he not analyze the reasons? Is it not a result of overexposure in an effort to increase the tally of wickets? Same with our batsmen – we have not learnt the art of keeping some of our weapons back – this is the world of technology, the more we expose our weapons, the more vulnerable we become. Our opponents study the video clippings and examine our strengths and weaknesses – while they exploit the weakness, they prevent us from cashing in on our strengths. Who knows – the Aussies, the Kiwis and others may have already identified duplicates of our Best of the Best and experiment with them at the nets – in all probability there must be several Souravs who duck and avoid any ball that lifts and looks for his jaw. If the Indian Team, that boasts of any number of record holders, has to rely every time for their 6^th batsmen onwards to pull them out of the pits that they dig for themselves, why include the seniors who have become rusty and, this is more important, predictable?

With the next World Cup fast approaching, it is time for the Team management to identify new weapons and groom them. Already the itinerary has been drawn up for ODIs with South Africa and Australia by the end of the year. Then will come the Pakistan team. The team management has to exercise caution that the actions of our players do not become too predictable.

ZINGING BACK IN ZIMBABWE

The first day of the Test match was supposed to be a cake walk – Sourav Ganguli set a record of the highest number of Test matches captained by an Indian and his ace spinner Harbhajan tried his level best to wrench that magic figure of 200 wickets. It eluded him in spite of his 26 overs on the first day and continued till the home team’s innings wraps up! The Turbanator went wicketless, bad luck Bhajji. The guiles of Kumble also looked to be a spent force; the weapon has worn out due to continuous usage. The fast ones were unable to deliver to their full potential and, when the Captain stared at the ball as it went past him to the boundary, and when another member of the team let the ball slip through his fingers to the ropes in the first hour itself, it set the alarm bells ringing. Later, when Rahul, one of the finest slip fielders, floored two chances, it appeared to be a display better forgotten by one time World champions. The stands were empty and the jingles and ads were absent on TV. An impression was created that the eleven members are unwilling participants to a greater conspiracy.

On the second day, however, our boys returned with a zing in their strides, overnight their body language changed. Whatever be the reasons behind the transformation, the fact remains that they played their hearts out and scored 325 for 3 at stumps. VVS was Very Very Sure of himself and managed another ton. The Captain is, as the met people say, limping back to normal. The strategy is that the visitors put up such a total that they do not need to take the field a second time. That too in spite of comments of Sunny Gavaskar that when our boys stop running at two where three are there for the taking, others take three and attempt a fourth!!

Our Team has to settle scores by large margins and win a test match series overseas after a long wait of 19 years. If things go as per plans, poor Bhajji will have to wait for the next Test to reach his milestone of 200 wickets.

TIME FOR A CHANGE

Some things just do not change – like the stripes of a tiger.

The enfant-terrible does not convert into a stubborn character over night but over a period of time. When a child misbehaves, it is the basic responsibility of its parents to admonish it – whether by chiding or by inflicting punishment is immaterial. The ultimate aim is to make it see reason and mend its ways. It is but natural for a child to throw tantrums but, because it looks a darling with its dimples or is a cuddly little creature is no reason to allow it all types of liberties. The message must pass on to it loud and clear that its antics do not evoke the kind of emotion that it once used to.

Yes – I mean the recent episode involving intentional wastes of time in that exhibition cricket match. Every one is now busy propping up the case with umpteen numbers of crutches but, the fact remains that the golden touch is lost. It happens in every one’s career – it happens when one reaches his level of incompetence. The wise one realizes in time that he has become a spent force and withdraws gracefully from the arena. After all, physical strain does take its toll – so why not give the machine some rest? That would be a sensible thing to do rather than trying to push you to the limits and wait for a catastrophe to happen. Players who are not able to perform are liabilities.

The worst part is that not just one hero but all four of them are involved in regular flop shows – viewers who urge them on to attain greater heights feel terribly let down when they fail to deliver.

While no one wants to pull down his hero from the pedestal, no one can tolerate mediocrity either. By achieving milestones one after another, the heroes glow with satisfaction and we, the mortals, feel proud of them and pray for more and more. It is for the player to understand when he has reached his zenith. Throwing tantrums and blaming factors other than one’s own ability smack of hypocrisy of the highest order.

No one is getting younger. It is agreed that records are made to be broken but one should not try to keep on playing hoping to break one more record. Ours is a large country with any number of really good players waiting in the wings – keeping the future scenario in mind, we have to take a bold decision of turning our attention elsewhere. We have to anoint the next generation players who may bring back memories of Kapil’s devils.

The time is just right for effecting such changes.

Let us be bold enough to accept facts and introduce what is required to bring back our lost glory. In the process, some individual may lose out on creating new records – that should not matter. What should matter is our national pride.

PROTECTING THE BAILS

English is a very confusing and complicated language. Some aspects were dealt with by Dharmendra in that super hit film ‘Chupke Chupke’ where he co-starred with the legendary Amitabh Bachhan. Dharmendra had problems with pronunciations of similarly spelt words like ‘but’ and ‘put’. However, in other areas also confusion prevails. Even when words are spelt same, they convey totally different meanings. This is probably one of the reasons why English speaking classes are mushrooming all over the countryside and is considered to be a lucrative business with the minimum of investment!

Let us take the case of a word ‘bail’.

To the commoner, it denotes a temporary escape route from the clutches of the Law. Ordinary thieves, pickpockets and other lowly criminals seldom enjoy this benefit. To them, leniency via this channel is non-existant. ‘Bail’ is basically for big time crime and criminals. ‘Anticipatory bail’ is one step ahead and is a favorite of super operators.   This type of bail, as its name suggests, is in anticipation of a situation that may arise when the criminal is likely to be confronted by the Law. Once he gets wind of it, the person simply telephones his lawyer who arranges for the necessary papers. As a result, when Law does descend on the scene, the criminal smiles and flaunts the ‘anticipatory bail’ papers. Checkmate. A very familiar scene of Bollywood cinemas.

The other ‘bail’ is an even more important one. Sometimes, the sentiments of a complete Nation depend on whether the bail is in place or not.

Yes, I am talking about the bail that forms an integral part of a wonderful outdoor game called cricket. Long long ago, it used to run for five days at a stretch. Nowadays, an abridged version has become extremely popular.

The game is played on a stretch of the field. There are two sets of wooden stumps placed vertically in the ground at each end of the pitch. On top of these stumps sits the pair of bails – one pair for each end. These bails are made of wood and are as smooth as egg shells. The spin bowlers try all sorts of tricks to entice the batsman to come out of the crease and hit the ball. In case he misses, the wicketkeeper standing behind the stumps can collect the ball and dislodge the bails. The batsman can, then, be declared ‘out’ so that he can return to the pavilion and try to analyze what actually went wrong. The pace bowlers, on the other hand, try to pitch the ball in the corridor in front of the bat so that, if the batsman misses, the ball can ‘kiss’ the stump and dislodge the bails on its way to the wicketkeeper. Once the bails are down, the batsman is out. Yet another scenario is when the batsman attempts a run and the fielder is quick enough to collect the ball and throw it at the stumps – again to dislodge the bails. In order to determine whether the batsman had his toes in the crease and whether his bat was grounded before the bails were dislodged, we take the help of precision equipment and accessories like the snick meter, the stump camera and a whole lot of other cameras located strategically all around the field. An incorrect decision by the on-field umpire means adverse criticism – hence, refer to the third umpire for safety.  At the end of it all, we have animated display boards to declare whether the batsman is ‘out’ or ‘not out’.

A simple pair of bails can provide so many opportunities to so many persons to capitalize upon. Protecting the bails sure is big business!!

ITS CARNIVAL TIME AGAIN

The cricket carnival is back. It brings with it something for everyone. To the players, it means money. To the sponsors, it means money. To the small time business men, it means money. Yes, cricket is, without doubt, big money. While one group makes money, another squanders it. Just look at the timing – Budget session in end February and super suspense guaranteeing cricket matches also in the same period. The event managers really know their business - diversionary tactics is the name of their game. How to keep those in power happy is their password. Generals do it during war; here also it is war – the war of survival!

We can be rest assured that, during the Budget session of Parliament, members will not have much interest in the speech of the FM or the new proposals that may be put up for generating more and more funds to line more and more pockets. They know that all FMs follow the same principle. They leave enough loopholes through which knowledgeable ones can squeeze through quite easily. Therefore, during the forthcoming session of Parliament, it would not be surprising to see more attention being given to whether our star batsmen get their umpteenth century and whether our bowlers keep up the tradition of bowling loose deliveries in the last over and whether our boys have said anything out of context and whether they were right in jumping up and down like kangaroos when their LBW requests were turned down by the umpire.

Cricket is also a game of diverse opinions.

In one part of the country, SS activists yell blue murder if such matches are held on our soil. SS, in this context, is not to be confused with the ‘Secret State’ police of Hitler, more commonly called the ‘Gestapo’! Digging up the pitch is one form of registering their protest. Simultaneously, in another part of the country, people demand that if it is not allowed to host one of the matches, it will mean trouble for those in power. Heart burns may extend to other burns! The funniest part is that, till recently, both were part of a single group sharing power and swearing by the same ideologies.

There goes similarity of ideologies for you!

Let us hope that the game keeps its toll of heart attacks to the barest minimum. Doctors may ensure that the ICUs are in fully operating condition and that life saving drugs as well as ambulances are available, to the needy, on demand.

A SOLUTION TO THE PROBLEM

The problem withy regard to the displaying of the tricolor on the helmet of Indian batsmen would not have arisen if some wise person had not said that our cricket team is Team BCCI and not Team India!

We Indians are unparalleled in the field of controversies – we are capable of creating a controversy, where none exists, on any subject under the Sun. We Indians top the lists for all the wrong reasons. The other day it was informed that Mumbai is the third most populated city of the world. We ourselves know that ours is the most densely populated country of the world. We also head the list of the most corrupt Nation. We are the laziest of people, we loathe work. In spite of that we do achieve some milestones – rather, some of us create History of sorts and others bask in their glory. I am reminded of a famous saying in Bengali which, when translated means that the mother-in-law, in order to keep her daughter-in-law always busy, mixes together clean rice and rice with husk and asks her to separate them. In English, a saying which means something similar is ‘the idle brain is the devil’s workshop’.

The reason for writing on this subject today is the problem faced by the Indian cricketing fraternity with regard to the tricolor.

The National flag and the National anthem are things of which every countryman is rightly proud of. No one has ever heard of similar problems associated with the Union Jack or the Star Spangled Banner. National flags, like the National anthem, should be respected for what they are. They have come into existence long before we arrived on the scene. Our leaders of the day gave to us what they thought to be most appropriate. Why should we, then, create a ruckus over these subjects? They should be above all controversy.

The problem of displaying the tricolor on the helmet can be solved quite easily.

Let it be of a removable type. When the batsman goes out to bat, it can be attached to his helmet. When he returns to the pavilion, it can be removed. This will open up the possibilities of including one more member in the team – to take care of the tricolor! This member could also be covered by the rotation scheme and, he could also be given some fixed compensation linked to the performance of the Team, like other members of the team.

GIVE THE NEWBIES A CHANCE

The current series with Pakistan has generated quite an amount of goodwill. It would have been even more meaningful if more newbies had been given chances. But, our old, tried and tired team is at it again. A great one for chasing records, we believe in the minimum of experimentation. Once in a while, we do induct someone and drop him like a red hot brick when he fails to come up to expectations; simultaneously we heap criticism on whoever was responsible of trying out the variation.

At the beginning of this series with Pakistan, our leading players had something or the other to prove: Tendulkar needed a century to become the topmost century scorer of World cricket, Captain Saurav wanted 99 more runs to reach 5000 runs, Kumble needed 6 more wickets to reach a magical figure of 450, and Harbhajan was 11 short of the 200 figure mark. Apart from these, the Captain had one more thing to prove – having been minus a century for the last 13 innings in a row, he would have liked to get back into the scoring mood, not nick at outsiders and return to the pavilion with a wry face. It may be noted that the average age of our Team is 30 plus. By the time the next World Cup comes, they would have become old soldiers to whom the comforts of the pavilion would be more welcome than the grueling rigors of jumping, flinging and performing all sorts of acrobatics to prevent runs from being scored by the opponents. Cricket has been transformed today to a game where only the super acrobats can survive, not those who move around the field like sloths.

In comparison, Pakistan has come with a relatively younger side. They know that their chances of a win against a formidable side like the Indians are remote. Still, they have come with larger visions; they would like their youngsters to gain invaluable experience, not just of Indian conditions but also of the cricketing culture.

Not only Pakistan but all cricket playing nations are grooming their youth for the coming years.

In contrast, we still stick to the same team and promote players who have an indomitable desire to remain on top of the charts so that their earning potentials from sponsorship are not easily snatched away by others. This is, I think, what selfishness is all about. Considering the present composition of the Pakistan team, would it not have been better to have given chances this time to more youngsters rather than hoping for individual milestones to materialize?

THE HUDDLE IN THE MIDDLE

Does anybody know the message they pass on to each other when Saurav and his boys huddle together before embarking on their annihilation missions?

They say their prayers which goes thus - don’t miss catches because catches win matches; save runs, don’t gift them away; convert our twos into threes; prevent the opponent’s boundaries; don’t get run out because run outs are for kids; and, finally, Dada, give us some more centuries.

Readers are welcome to this list.

In the recent Test Match victory at the fabulous Eden Gardens in Kolkata, Afridi freed his team from the initial shackles on day four. But Younis was unable to tighten the noose on day five. Inzamam tried to jam the flow of runs while fielding and got himself in a jam while batting. Youhana doesn’t believe in ‘hna-nah’ (yes-no) and Abdul Razzaq loves to raze down the opposition but their efforts went in vain. Asim Kamal did perform some ‘kamal’ (wonders) with the bat and Kamran Akmal, a non believer in ‘kam’ (less) runs, (the century is proof enough), could not deliver in the last round. Danish Kaneria, their new find, is not from Denmark, there is nothing Danish about him. If only he could have ensured an Indian total within manageable proportions, the story could have ended differently.

All of them played into the traps laid by the awesome ‘Awe’-nil Kumble.

On the umpiring side, there was Steve Bucknor. Umpiring in his 100^th Test match, he unfortunately missed out on another’s probable century. The heat must have got onto him or was it old age? His mate Darrel Hair appears to hate finger rising exercises, probably supports hair raising ones. The TV umpire A V Jayaprakash, hidden in the TV box misses out on the joys of ‘prakash’ (being seen).

Yes, our Team has delivered – with so many record holders in our midst, we should keep on delivering. But, consistency is not our middle name. At times, we muddle up our thinking. Huddles are fine so long as they pay dividends. They lose their charm when your Team starts sliding.

THE FALL OF THE TITANS

Our boys have done it again. Once again our master blaster perishes trying his hands at one more century. Yeh dil maange more is fine with cold drinks but does not somehow gel with what we are witnessing. We need to realize that a time does come in one’s career when he becomes a spent force. In such situations, it is advisable to retire with dignity so that another more promising player can come to the forefront and be groomed for the future. When someone clings on to one of the limited seats, he denies opportunity to someone else who may be much more talented. Unfortunately as long as he does not vacate willingly, others are denied look-ins. That is bad. Being a senior, he has to acknowledge the fact that his inability to deliver put selectors under tremendous pressure. He cannot be shown the gate straightaway. That is not good manners. But then, continuously trying to achieve one more record even though it is becoming more and more elusive is not good manners either.

The second villain of the piece is the captain who has to admit that he has reached his level of incompetence. With his willingness to return to the pavilion at the earliest opportunity without creating problems for those who maintain scores, he is currently at par with other captains in respect to the number of test matches he has captained. He should give it serious thought whether he should, now, not step down. Once again, it is not good manners to pull someone down. It would be in the fitness of things if he were to announce retirement on his own. That would be real sportsmanship.

We cannot justify continuous failures of individuals as passing phases or bad patches. It really should come to an end at some point of time. It is not correct to expect all and sundry to keep hoping for miracles to happen. In this modern age, miracles just do not happen.

COACH COACH HOTA HAI

            Once a cricketer, always a cricketer goes a famous saying. After all, to enter the elite ‘Club of Eleven’ requires plenty of grit, determination and hard work. In days of yore there used to be only the aristocratic form of the game, with players in white flannels who loved to strike poses, after sending the ball to the ropes, for the benefit of the photographer. There used to be bonhomie all round and, tempers were never ruffled unless, of course, it was body line.

            Old timers retired with dignity whenever they felt that the rigors of the game were taking their toll, un-noticed. In those days, a full day’s play seldom generated more than a hundred or so runs. The on-field umpires had to take decisions based on whatever they saw – the ultimate in the WYSIWYG philosophy. They did not have the advantage of replays from different angles to judge whether the bowler really over-stepped or whether the batsman was ‘plumb in front’ for the LBW decision or whether the bat was still a few centimeters in the air at the precise moment the bails fell off.

            Obviously, with a few countries playing Test matches, the retirements of the players were gradual. Those who left the game took up interesting pastimes and could be seen watching their next generation take up the challenges. Old timers never considered returning to the 22 yards strip to become coaches for others.

            Frankly speaking, coaches should be in a different league altogether. Coach coach hota hai, a coach is after all a coach. He acts as a friend, philosopher and guide to those whom he coaches. His knowledge must obviously be more; he must possess a larger vision. At times he has to rely on his sixth sense, his past experience and ‘gut’ feeling to discover solutions. In the extreme, he has to invent them!!

We have coaches in coaching classes who coach our children in their school subjects; a belief has crept into our lives that, in view of upward revision of the syllabus, parents of today find themselves severely handicapped while trying to explain to their wards how to tackle modern generation of questions.

In the same vein, we have cultivated the habit of handing over our team building exercises also to coaches. If they were from our own country, it would have been passé – after all we would then be helping out someone who is talented and, at the same time, needy. We do conduct benefit matches once in a while for ex-players and present a ‘purse’ to them as a token of remembrance.

Converting them into coaches is probably one more step towards making life that much easier for the selected few. In the final reckoning, we need to have scapegoats since it is convenient to dump the failures of the team squarely on their shoulders.

MINNOWS TAKE OVER

It has finally happened – it has once again been proved that no one is invincible. Those who make such statements are usually forced to eat humble pie at a later date.

It’s all about cricket and how unpredictable a game it is.

The Aussies are the World champions, and consider themselves to be invincible. But, the Bangladeshis have shown that, given a determination to beat the best coupled with a dedicated performance by one and all, it is not impossible to turn the tables. Especially, with the cricketing world baying for their blood, they have proved that they can contribute their bit to make the game more interesting.

Soon after their poor performance in the Test matches in England, the team came in for severe criticism. Former Australian captain Merv Hughes made a statement that – ‘Bangladesh were not up to Test cricket standard and should, instead, be playing at a more realistic level….. It’s bad for the game. It belittles averages. And, it’s bad for spectators.’ Similar sentiments were expressed by Shane Warne – ‘the worst aspect is that I cannot see any light on the horizon for Bangladesh.’ Even Javed Miandad did not mince words when he commented that Bangladesh should be suspended from test cricket until they improve – ‘it is obvious now that Bangladesh cricket is going nowhere…’

Suddenly, this team has become a force to reckon with, overnight!

We, in India, thought of ourselves as the number two. But, over the months, we have dropped several places and may finally land up at the bottommost position of the table. Our star batsmen are turning out to be threats to a cohesive team who are itching to perform. Unfortunately, new faces are ignored. Sponsors who have invested millions in some of the old stalwarts, who once spelt money even now hope for the tides of fortunes to turn. News trickles out of how some of our boys are practicing overseas and are striving hard to return to form. Our sympathies go out to the newest addition to the Indian cricket fraternity in the form of Greg Chappell. He has a tough climb ahead of him.

Before the selection committee sits to finalize the team of the future, plenty of strings will be pulled. Let us pray that a day does not come when minnows take over the honors and leave us in the wilderness.

KERRY CRICKET CURRY

The wonderful game of cricket has certainly come a long way – five days of dull cricket reduced to one day of glamour, excitement, arguments, anger, ecstasy all rolled into one large size dosa and served on a platter with mouth watering chutney and delicious sambar. One of the seats, for expert opinions, is reserved for one of the fair sex – an example of women’s reservation in a simplified form. That is Kerry curry for you! Not to be confused with the Japanese hara-kiri.

Cricket has transformed itself as dramatically as no other game has done. Yes, there have been superficial changes in other games like the introduction of beach volleyball as an offshoot of regular volleyball but nothing drastic like axing five days into one day. No one has thought of playing football with only four players or hockey with six; or of having two goal keepers – one for the right portion of the goal and the other for the left; or of partitioning the goal post box into two – left and right. If they introduced such modifications, more goalkeepers could be accommodated! Just a thought.

Rules have been modified in cricket and innovations introduced regularly to give the viewers more and more – the latest ideas also seem to be in that vein. The substitute can now feel proud to be able to wear the cap and actually participate in the game, not just carry water bottles and messages from the drawing room to the 22 yards strip. Of course, when regional politics come into play, the number of substitutes may increase. Probably, it will feature in next year’s agenda.

Kerry Packer gets credit for giving a new dimension to the game and, our cricketing bosses should consider ways and means of how to keep his memory alive. His date of birth is 17^th December 1937 and, it could be considered to be commemorated in some way or another. We have enough expertise and ingenuity to find out probable methods! The first one day match was reportedly played on 2/12/1977 – that could become another red letter day. It would be interesting to find out whether our cricketers have photographs of KP on their shelf because he is the one they should remain grateful to for showing them how to mint millions. Be in the game for five years and setup hotels in posh localities to ensure a cushy life for yourself and another of your fourteen generations.

It is not easy to erase modern day cricketers from memory – they may not hold cricket bats once they bow out but no one prevents them from wielding golf clubs.

NEW LOOK AT HAT TRICKS

Very soon, hat tricks will acquire a new meaning, the old concept of three wickets or three sixers off successive deliveries will cease to exist. We are on the way to bid goodbyes to threesomes! The BCCI is really and truly serious about the outcome of the 2007 Cricket World Cup. Hence, it has authorized the new coach Greg Chappell to introduce his new look hat tricks. BCCI is determined to lift cricket from the dumps in which it finds itself. Players are proud of the caps they earn and don them in International meets to represent the country, magicians are known to bring out rabbits from their magic hats, and the Hindi version of hat viz. ‘topee’ has a special meaning of its own. Let us welcome with open arms the new age hat tricks.

The Six Thinking Hats theory, better known as the STH theory that Greg Chappell is keen to implement, owes its origin to Edward de Bono. He formulated it in 1985. It is believed to simplify the thinking process and streamline it. There are six different colored hats; each is associated with a different trait. White concerns information i.e. facts and figures, yellow means sunny and positive, green is creativity, red denotes emotion, black is for danger and gloom and blue, the organizing part. It seems that people, who experience problems in thinking how best to do too many things at the same time, get a lot of help through this analysis. The de Bono logic is that juggling six balls at a time is not feasible but tossing one ball at a time is easier. The STH theory assists people to think better. Further details can be had from the following website:

 http://www.valuebasedmanagement.net/methods_bono_six_thinking_hats.html

Our sincere thanks will go out to Greg Chappell if he can get the Cup back for us via this route. He is a trend setter of sorts, but he will have to battle it out against innumerable odds. It will have to be seen how effective the analysis will be to the Indian contingent. Our boys love to do too many things at the same time, for example practice at the nets, shoot outdoors for advertisements, look around for prime locations to start restaurants, spend a few minutes to get photographed with a select group of handicapped kids, and attend to film premiers. In spite of these preoccupations, we clap and cheer them on when they reach any milestone because they achieve it against all odds. Till now, they have done so without the STH theory. With the top order vacillating between exit and entrance and with a new coach bent upon proving his worth let us see what difference the STH theory brings. Till then we can only chant – lagey raho, keep at it.

THE NEW LOOK TEAM

The declaration has come at last – a team of sixteen with a huge responsibility on their shoulders. A mix of young and the not so young, we hope for good healthy competitive cricket on both the big and small versions for quite sometime to come. While the bigger versions test the sustainability, perseverance, tenacity, grit and determination of players, the smaller version is all about flashes in the pan on the particular day. With the bowlers being punished for the slightest error and the batsman always getting the benefit of doubt, it finally boils down to, in a lighter vein, as benefit matches for batsmen.

Rahul ‘Jammy’ Dravid takes on the task of the Captain and millions of hearts flutter in anticipation. Born in Indore on 11/1/1975, he plays for Karnataka and has earned the distinction as the Invincible one, the Wall. His face is always devoid of expression, his mind, a mystery. He takes wins and losses with equal aplomb. The team he finally gets has some old-timers, a few recalls and a couple of debutantes. A reasonably good mix, one can safely comment. With the World cup fast approaching, the team should set its sights on creating a winning combination, the players have to develop an understanding among themselves, when on the field, they have to interpret the tiniest of signals of their mates, they have to cultivate the habit of scoring singles and twos, of grounding the bats when stealing cheeky singles, of latching on to catches, of knowing when to play cautiously, when to throw caution to the winds. They have to work as a team – not look for individual milestones. When the team wins, milestones are created automatically. The concept of dependence on a couple of players to see the team through has got to be shown the boot.

The new Aussy coach can guide the boys, he cannot play on their behalf, he cannot take their decisions, he can only sit in the pavilion and sigh and bite his finger nails when he sees his ward commit stupid errors and lose games that should be won. It is for the boys to deliver, not shirk responsibilities. When the team wins, each of the players stand to gain some material goodies, let us hope it gets into the winning habit and not make tall claims. Runner up in a World cup does not necessarily mean that the team can mow down the opposition with ease – it has to prove that it can do it.

HIGH FIVES HIGHJACKED

It is sad that our blue eyed boys in sky blue outfits do not get much chance to celebrate high fives nowadays – the Evil one has highjacked them! A search has been launched to identify the fifth bowler – five seems to be a bad figure for the Indian cricket team. Therefore, here is a new set of fives: five dos and five don’ts – let our boys get used to fives other than the high fives they have already learnt.

Our new captain Rahul Dravid is everywhere nowadays – people accost him on street corners and in jogging tracks and advise him on various aspects of that wonderful, mind boggling game better known as cricket. It chirps from every conceivable corner of the world, there is a strong rumor doing the rounds that a special stadium is under construction where Icelanders will be trained in the art of bowling and batting. It will have simulators to generate artificial hot, humid conditions, cloudy skies, wet fields so that the training takes into account every aspect of the game and exposes them to different climatic conditions that they have to face. A proposal is being drafted by experts for consideration of the ICCI to include ice-cricket in its scheme of things. Who knows, another fifty years hence, the folks from the North Pole might lift the World Cup.

Jokes apart, it is high time that we formulate a list of dos and don’ts for our boys so that they will be ready to take on any type of opponent, tackle any type of threat and not become weak at the knees when faced with sheer pace. The boys should not keep their strengths reserved to only mow down the newcomers and small fries; they should accept challenge from equals also.

1          do cut your finger nails before you take the field, finger nails may taste great but are not healthy substitutes for breakfast

2          do check with the statisticians about records that you are on the verge of creating; then go about the task methodically, take your time because the chance may not come again

3          do take at least one run when two can also be taken, if you run fast enough – do not worry about criticism because critics will always be there to criticize

4          do be determined not to succumb to easy singles, they tire you out very easily, stick to fours and sixers

5          do master the art of glaring: if a batsman, start with the close-in fielders; if a bowler, glare at the batsman nearest you and at the umpires, also at the cameramen – the glare is the sign of an aggressive attitude

6          do not wince with imaginary pain when you drop a catch

7          do not blame the slippery ground if you are unable to prevent the ball from reaching the ropes

8          do not bad mouth your partner if he runs you out, you can always repay him back the next time by running him out

9          do not strike poses just to show off the logos on your cuff links

10        do not take your place in the team for granted; any moment someone else can ease you out because Quota rules                       

Fellow bloggers are welcome to add to the list.

CRICKET JARGONS

India has once again made it to the finals – there is a sense of pride all-around. No matter if the top order has not delivered, the middle has given the knock-out punch. If they had also failed, we had more youngsters down the line. In this period of jubilations, let us refresh our memories on some cricket jargon -

Wagon wheels – reminds one of the good old days when horse drawn wagons had wheels as large as six feet in diameter. They used to be made of wood and had large spokes. Today, with such wagons obscure, the wheel is employed to denote the pattern of scoring shots of batsmen – how many singles, twos, threes, fours and sixes are dispatched to which part of the ground.

Skyscrapers – this is a graphical depiction of how a team scores runs in each over. Low scoring matches seldom have skyscrapers, the pattern resembles slums. But, no one says so. It is unethical to mention such derogatory words and bring the game into disrepute.

Worms – they give one the creeps. This is similar to the skyscrapers in that this also gives an indication of how a team scores its runs and is sometimes superimposed on the skyscrapers for better effect. They are pleasing to the eyes especially when the colors are in contrast.

Third man – this is a position where a fielder has to stand and ensure that the ball does not deceive him and travel to the boundary. A question arises about the location of the first man and the second man – who are they? Where do they field? Are they the bowler and the wicket keeper?

Silly mid off and silly mid on – why are these termed as silly? Does it have any relevance to mental abilities of the fielders positioned there?

Cover and extra cover – these terms have entered the jargon books of ads! But why don’t we have extra slip or extra wicket keeper or extra bowler?

Legs – yes, these are the most important part of the body because they support one’s weight, they are used for running between wickets by the batsmen, and for standing firmly in place as well as in decisions for umpires. They also come in a variety of descriptions - there is the battery of legs: long leg, fine leg, square leg, leg slip and short legs (forward and backward). Accompanying these is the stroke of batsmen known as the leg glance. Then we have the leg spinner who allows the leg bye in the fond hope of getting a leg before wicket decision in his favour!

By the way, daddy-long-legs is supposed to be a type of insect and, when you have one long leg and two short legs, where does that leave the team stranded? Shall we say - it leaves it in a silly point?

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