Once (actually twice) upon a time, a group of girls embarked on a “journey” that would change their lives forever.  Joanne, Joanna, Phillippa, Nicole, Sam and Kat all travelled to Nihon, aka. Japan in 2003. In 2004, four of them took on the huge task of driving Mr Hurley insane for another two weeks in 2004. It was a mission, but we did it!

All good overseas trips start with the take off of the aeroplane. Phillippa nearly took off Joanne’s arm while reciting the Lord’s Prayer again and again, Kat broke her nose on the tray table and taking six Nurofen in two hours (when they say “lock it in” they aren’t kidding), Sam starting a wonderful rendition of Wham’s 80’s classic “Wake me Up Before You Go-Go” and Sam asking Nicole if she’d prefer “a nut or a crack.”

2003 was a strange year. The first night Phillippa was attacked by an odd, buttoned invention; the bidet toilet monster. We all learnt an important life lesson: If you can’t read the buttons, don’t press them. You may end up with a scary surprise and water all over your toilet walls.

We were waterlogged in Hiroshima, but there was a bubble fountain, so that made everything alright. In Kanazawa, after a 5 hour train trip, we saw the second most beautiful garden in Japan, and Pip & I learnt the art of Bimuyoo, from one of Mr Hurley’s many magically appearing friends. I swear that guy knows everyone in Japan. We went to the island of Miyajima, where Pip refused to believe we were on a ferry, we were attacked by deer, and we saw tiny monkeys and I asked Mr Hurley if they spoke Japanese. (He thinks they have an international language in case you’re wondering.) Kyoto was where the action all happened. We went to the place where they make…guess… POWER RANGERS! Dang, it was good. From Kyoto we travelled to Nara, where there were... deer. And the Great Buddha of Nara, and the real thing really does live up to the name, it is pretty great… and big.

However, we all believe the most important story to tell from this trip is that Mr Hurley made us run from the cops. Playing with fireworks (HANABI!!) is a lot of fun, and it’s legal in Japan. However, it is NOT legal to do it in front of the Old Imperial Palace. (They won’t appreciate it if you burn down ANOTHER one of their national icons.) Furthermore, after someone has told you that you shouldn’t do it, you probably shouldn’t pretend you’re an ignorant tourist and continue to play with them. Doing this may result in being chased by Japanese policemen with flashing lights on their bicycles blowing whistles at you. Also, in the process of you running, do not leave Mrs Anderson (the only one who cannot speak Japanese) behind holding packets of fireworks. It may look suspicious. As an extra precaution, don’t dance with fireworks and fall on your arse, because it hurts to run from Police afterwards.

Food is great in Japan; Okonomiyaki was delicious in Hiroshima, Mr Donut is yummy anywhere, Phillippa particularly likes “Deer Biscuits”, but the foodstuff loved “around the world” are those tasty chocolate covered pretzel sticks called Pocky. The tradition of shoving them into your mouth until your face explodes finally came down to us, and the legend of “The Pocky Monster” was born. The Pocky Monster easily knocked any competition out of contention, cramming 100 pocky into her surprisingly big mouth. It is a delicate art form that will continue to be handed down, generation after generation. Much like ikebana.

On the 2004 epic, Joanna, Phillippa, Nicole and Kat all managed to learn much more about the mazes of Tokyo Fish Markets, the tortures of Mr Hurley’s 4.00am wake up call, going on a tour – not a sewer, jumping up and down in elevators with Mr Hurley, the powers of being over tired and what it does to people – particularly Phillippa and Kat, karaoke, kogan, Harajuku girls (yes they are real people), slipper bandits, quotes of the day, trying to make people think they’re blind, and facing deep seeded fears of bidet toilet monsters. Oh, and DISNEYLAND!!!

We stepped off the plane at 7 am, caught some trains, unloaded our luggage at the hotel under the name “Joel Grop” (Yes. That IS what it said) and headed out into Tokyo for about ten hours of walking. We were…tired.

Now, being tired can do some pretty whacky things to your brain. People climb through your windows randomly, you have a “traditional” Japanese bath with freaky old ladies, you have Green Tea parties and then some slippers go missing. First it starts out with taking Mr Hurley’s slippers, and then the bandits get a taste for bigger operations. These bandits shall remain nameless… So Phillippa and Kat teamed together for their biggest slipper-stealing-fest yet; Plan 19. The last night we were in Tokyo, every slipper, including our own, was removed from the doorways of those in a deep slumber, and placed in front of Nicole and Joanna’s. SO IT LOOKED LIKE THEY STOLE THEM! AHAHAHAHA! Ahem…

But, hey, who can blame us? We did get up at 4 AM. IN THE MORNING. To go to the Tokyo fish markets. Where we lost Tim McCloud. For about two hours. So, Mr Hurley, Sue sensei and Mr Barons went searching for him. And we went to McDonalds. Now you may say that’s cruel. But we were hungry. And cruel. We returned an hour later, to find… still no sign of Tim, and Joanna telling us how Japanese men were bidding on her in the fish market. And then, somehow he showed up, and we went to DISNEYLAND!!! (gloss over the important part where we found him)

It is fair to say, that Disneyland is the most wonderful, magical, splendiferous place ever. But it was very hot that day. And Kat turned into a lobster because she was stupid enough not to put sunscreen on. Kids: Wear Sunscreen. Highlights included Phillippa’s first rollercoaster experience and the Halloween Parade where they… “Hebi Punched”. Did you know that according to the Small World (which we went on against Nicole's will - sorry!) ride, Kangaroos & Koalas are floral print and live in palm trees? Interesting fact.

Train trips can be long and boring in Japan. There’s a lot of rice fields, and that’s about it. Sometimes you want to sleep. And maybe listen to a little music on your Discman. Don’t do either of these near Phillippa when she is overtired. For one, she might not like the song you’re listening to. Joanna made the near fatal mistake of doing both of these. Near Phillippa. She loves hatching plans, and yet again came up with the goods. This time, she was going to make Joanna think she was blind, by using her complementary eye mask from the plane. To test the waters, we tried talking to Joanna for a bit, to see if she would react. Nothing. The plan commenced. (Insert Jaws music here) She tried on her own, but did not succeed. Enter Nicole with her brilliant mind who told Phillippa she would have to stretch it over the back of her head. Nicole and Pip began stretching…stretching… when suddenly the train jolted and Joanna freaked out. Phillippa’s plan had been thwarted. But it would not stop her from baking others later.         

.... what crazy plans will Phillippa bake up later?  Will the Kat and her slipper-y friend get caught?  Will Nicole become a famous Nihonjin no kashu - a J-Pop star?  Will Joanna ever find out that the girls are still trying to make her think she is blind?  Will Joanne start a chain of umbrella franchises across Japan?  Will Samantha still be stuck in the 80s, doing the jitterbug?  Will Katherine and Phillippa stop laughing because they are so tired?  Will Mr Hurley bail out Mrs Anderson?

The answer is NO!  But stay tuned for next time where we tell you how all our plans failed.

By Kat Stewart!  (with a V.O. by a crazy girl who lives in my attic)  Stay tuned for more.... Japan Tales!

P.S.  Katherine, I now pronounce you famous!

P.P.S.  Nihon trip 2004 & 5 people, send me in ur pics!!!