True Mother-in-Law!
between them a young man.
"This young man agreed to marry my daughter," said one.
"No! He agreed to marry MY daughter," said the other.
And so they haggled before the King, until he called for
silence. "Bring me my biggest sword," said Solomon,
"and I shall hew the young man in half. Each of you
shall receive a half."
"Sounds good to me," said the first lady.
But the other woman said, "Oh Sire, do not spill innocent
blood. Let the other woman's daughter marry him."
The wise king did not hesitate a moment. "The young man
must marry the first lady's daughter," he proclaimed.
"But she was willing to hew him in two!" exclaimed the king's court.
"Indeed," said wise King Solomon. "That shows she is the TRUE mother-in-law."
"What I mean dad is (looking at her in-laws);
SIX AFFAIRS
A married man was having an affair
with his secretary.
One day, they went to her place
and made love all afternoon.
Exhausted, they fell asleep
and woke up at 8 PM.
The man hurriedly dressed
and told his lover to take his shoes
outside and rub them in the grass and dirt.
He put on his shoes and drove home.
'Where have you been?' his wife demanded..
'I can't lie to you,' he replied,
'I'm having an affair with my secretary.
We had sex all afternoon.'
She looked down at his shoes and said:
'You lying bastard!
You've been playing golf!'
The 2nd Affair
A middle-aged couple had two beautiful
They decided to try one last time
for the son they always wanted.
The wife got pregnant
and delivered a healthy baby boy.
The joyful father rushed to the nursery
to see his new son.
He was horrified at the ugliest child
he had ever seen.
He told his wife: 'There's no way I can
be the father of this baby.
Look at the two beautiful daughters I fathered!
Have you been fooling around behind my back?'
The wife smiled sweetly and replied:
'Not this time!'
The 3rd Affair
A mortician was working late one night.
He examined the body of Mr. Schwartz,
about to be cremated,
and made a startling discovery.
Schwartz had the largest private part
he had ever seen!
'I'm sorry Mr. Schwartz,' the mortician
commented, 'I can't allow you to be cremated
with such an impressive private part.
It must be saved for posterity.'
So, he removed it,
stuffed it into his briefcase,
and took it home
'I have something to show
you won't believe,' he said to his wife,
opening his briefcase.
'My God!' the wife exclaimed,
'Schwartz is dead!'
The 4th Affair
A woman was in bed with her lover
when she heard her husband
opening the front door.
'Hurry,' she said, 'stand in the corner.'
She rubbed baby oil all over him,
then dusted him with talcum powder.
'Don't move until I tell you,'
she said, 'pretend you're a statue.'
'What's this?' the husband inquired
as he entered the room.
'Oh it's a statue,' she replied,
'the Smiths bought one and I liked it
so I got one for us, too.'
No more was said,
not even when they went to bed.
Around 2 AM, the husband got up,
went to the kitchen and returned
with a sandwich and a beer.
'Here,' he said to the statue, have this.
I stood like that for two days at the Smiths
and nobody offered me a damned thing.'
The 5th Affair
A man walked into a cafe,
went to the bar and ordered a beer.
'Certainly, Sir, that'll be one cent.'
'One Cent?' the man exclaimed.
He glanced at the menu and asked:
'How much for a nice juicy steak
and a bottle of wine?'
'A nickel,' the barman replied.
'A nickel?' exclaimed the man.
'Where's the guy who owns this place?'
The bartender replied:
'Upstairs, with my wife.'
The man asked: 'What's he doing upstairs
with your wife?'
The bartender replied:
'The same thing I'm doing
to his business down here.'
The 6th Affair
Jake was dying. His wife sat at the bedside.
He looked up and said weakly:
'I have something I must confess.'
'There's no need to,' his wife replied.
'No,' he insisted,
'I want to die in peace
I slept with your sister, your best friend,
her best friend, and your mother!'
'I know,' she replied,
'now just rest and let the poison work.
The Naked Untruth!
A blonde gets home early from
shopping and hears
strange noises coming from the
bedroom.
She rushes upstairs to find her husband
naked on the bed,
sweating and
panting.
'What's up?' she
asks.
'I'm having a heart attack,' cries the
husband.
The blonde rushes downstairs to grab
the phone, but
just as she's dialing, her
four-year-old son comes up and says,
'Mommy! Mommy!
Aunt Shirley is hiding in your closet, and she's
got
no clothes on!'
The blonde
slams the phone down and storms upstairs
into the
bedroom, right past her husband, and rips open the
closet
door. Sure enough, there is her sister,
totally naked and cowering
on the closet
floor.
'You rotten 'Bitch', she
screams.
'My husband's having a heart attack,
and
you're running around naked scaring the
kids!!'
UNWED,PREGNANT DAUGHTER!
Shouting, cursing, crying, the mother says, 'Who was the pig that did This to you?
I want to know!' The girl picks up the phone and makes a call.
Half an hour later a Ferrari stops in front of their house; a mature And distinguished man with gray hair and impeccably dressed in a very expensive suit steps out of it and enters the house.
He sits in the living room with the father, the mother and the Girl, and tells them: 'Good morning, your daughter has informed me of the Problem. However, I can't marry her because of my personal family Situation, but I'll take responsibility. If a girl is born I will bequeath her 2 retail stores, a townhouse, a beach villa and a $1,000,000 bank account. If a boy is born, my legacy will be a couple of factories and a $2,000,000 bank account.
If it is twins, a factory and $1,000,000 each. However,
If there is a miscarriage, what do you suggest I do?'
At this point, the father, who had remained silent, places a hand
Firmly on the man's shoulder and tells him,
highlight below for the PUNCH LINE
'You can try again !'
Men Lousy Men!Use vibrator!
Men
are like....
1.
Men are like ..
Laxatives
......
They irritate the crap out of
you.
2.
Men are like.Bananas
. The older they get, the less firm they
are.
3.
Men are like Weather
. Nothing can be done to change
them.
4.
Men are like .... Blenders
You need One, but you're not quite sure
why.
5.
Men are like .
Chocolate Bars
. Sweet, smooth, & they usually head right
for your hips.
6.
Men are like .Commercials
.......
You can't believe a word they
say.
7.
Men are like
Department Stores
. Their clothes are always 1/2
off.
8.
Men are like ..Government
Bonds
....
They take soooooooo long to
mature.
9.
Men are like .
..Mascara
. They usually run at the first sign of
emotion.
10.
Men are like
Popcorn
.... They satisfy you, but only for a little
while.
11.
Men are like
Snowstorms
.... You never know when they're coming, how
many inches you'll get or how long it will
last.
12.
Men are like .Lava
Lamps
Fun to look at, but not very
bright.
13.
Men are like
Parking
Spots
All the good ones are taken, the rest are
handicapped.
Now
send this to all the remarkable women you know,
as well as to any understanding good-natured,
fun kinda guys you might be lucky enough to know
!!!!!!!!!!
A chick who agrees with everything I say.
A man walks into a restaurant with a full-grown
ostrich behind him.
The waitress asks for their orders. The man says,
"A hamburger,
fries and a coke," and turns to
the ostrich, "What's yours?"
"I'll have the same," says the ostrich.
A short time later the waitress returns with the order.
That will be £7.40 please," she
says and the man reaches into his
pocket and pulls out the exact change for payment.
The next day, the man and the
ostrich come again and the man says,
A hamburger, fries, and a coke."
The ostrich says, "I'll have the same."
Again the man reaches into his pocket and pays with exact change.
This becomes routine until the two enter again later in the week.
The usual?" asks the waitress.
No, this is Friday night, so I will have a steak,
baked potato, and
salad, "says the man.
Same," says the ostrich.
Shortly the waitress brings the order and says,
"That will be
£25.62." Once again the man pulls the exact change out of his pocket and
place it on the table.
The waitress can't hold back her
curiosity any longer.
Excuse me, Sir. How do you manage to
always come up with the exact change out
of your pocket every time?"
Well," says the man, "several years ago I was cleaning the attic
and found an old lamp. When I rubbed it a Genie appeared and offered me two
wishes. My first wish was that if I ever had to pay for anything, I would
just put my hand in my pocket and the right amount of money would always be
there." That's brilliant!"
says the waitress. "Most people would wish for a
million dollars or something, but
you'll always be as rich as you want
for
as long as you live!"
That's right. Whether it's a gallon of milk or a Rolls Royce, the
exact money is always there,"
says the man.
The waitress asks, "But, sir, what's with the ostrich?"
The man sighs sadly, pauses, and answers,
"My second wish was for a tall
chick with a big ass and long legs who agrees with everything I say."
Burdened Husband
Religious Husband
A HUSBAND COMES HOME FROM CHURCH;
HE GREETS HIS WIFE AND LIFTS HER
UP. HE THEN CARRIED HER AROUND THE HOUSE.
THE WIFE WAS SO SURPRISED AND SHE ASKED
'DID THE
BISHOP PREACH ABOUT BEING ROMANTIC'?
THE HUSBAND SAID, 'NO, HE SAID WE MUST CARRY OUR BURDENS AND
SORROWS'.
Mars & Venus
1. All men are extremely busy.
2. Although they are so busy, they still have time for women.
3. Although they have time for women, they don't really care for them.
4. Although they don't really care for them, they always have one around.
5. Although they always have one around them, they always try their luck with others.
6. Although they try their luck with others, they get really pissed off if the first woman leaves them.
7. Although the woman leaves them they still don't learn from their mistakes and still try their luck with others.
Women:
1. The most important thing for a woman is financial security.
2. Although this is so important, they still go out and buy expensive clothes and stuff.
3. Although they always buy expensive clothes, they say they never have something to wear.
4. Although they never have something to wear, they always dress beautifully.
5. Although they always dress beautifully, their clothes are always just 'an old rag'.
6. Although their clothes are always 'just an old rag', they still expect you to compliment them.
7. Although they expect you to compliment them, when you do, they don't believe you.
Pass The Penis!
The husband is in a rather amorous mood and figures he will try for the shock effect to bring this to his wife's attention so, when the computer asks him to enter his password, he makes it plainly obvious to his wife that he is keying in "penis"...
His wife nearly falls off her chair from laughing so hard when the computer replies:
***PASSWORD REJECTED. NOT LONG ENOUGH ***
*** PLEASE TRY A NEW ONE ***
The Romantic Husband
She feels his hand rubbing her shoulder.
She: "Oh, that feels good."
His hand moves to her breast.
She: "Gee, honey, that feels wonderful."
His hand moves to her leg.
She: "Oh, honey, don't stop."
But he stops.
She: "Why did you stop?"
He: "I found the remote."
What I Want in a Man List
What I Want in a Man List (age 26)
1. Handsome
2. Charming
3. Financially successful
4. A caring listener
5. Witty
6. In good shape
7. Dresses with style
8. Appreciates finer things
9. Full of thoughtful surprises
10. An imaginative, romantic lover
What I Want in a Man, Revised List (age 36)
1. Nice looking2. Opens car doors, holds chairs
3. Has enough money for a nice dinner
4. Wants to talk to me.
5. Laughs at my jokes
6. Carries bags of groceries with ease
7. Has at least one shirt with the arms cut out
8. Appreciates a good home-cooked meal
9. Loves to go for drives10. Seeks romance at least 3 times a week
What I Want in a Man, Revised List (age 42)
1. Not too ugly
2. Doesn't drive off until I'm in the car
3. Works steady - splurges on dinner out occasionally
4. Nods head when I'm talking
5. Usually remembers punch lines of jokes
6. Is in good enough shape to rearrange the furniture
7. Wears a shirt that covers his stomach
8. Knows not to buy champagne with screw-top lids
9. Remembers to put the toilet seat down
10. Shaves most weekends
What I Want in a Man, Revised List (age 52)
1. Keeps hair in nose and ears trimmed
2. Doesn't belch or scratch in public
3. Doesn't borrow money too often
4. Doesn't nod off to sleep when I'm venting
5. Doesn't retell the same joke too many times
6. Is in good enough shape to get off couch on weekends
7 . Usually wears matching socks and fresh underwear
8. Appreciates a good TV dinner
9. Remembers your name on occasion
10. Shaves some weekends
What I Want in a Man, Revised List (age 62)
1. Doesn't scare small children
2. Remembers where bathroom is
3. Doesn't require much money for upkeep
4. Only snores lightly when asleep
5. Remembers why he's laughing
6. Is in good enough shape to stand up by himself
7. Usually wears some clothes
8. Likes soft foods
9. Remembers where he left his teeth
10. Remembers that it's the weekend
What I Want in a Man, Revised List (age 72)
1. Breathing
2. Doesn't miss the toilet
A hoss named JENNY
"What was that for?" the man asked.
The wife replied "That was for the piece of paper with the name Jenny on it that I found in your pants pocket".
The man then said "When I was at the races last week Jenny was the name of the horse I bet on"
The wife apologized and went on with the housework.
Three
days later the man is watching TV when his wife bashes him on the head
with an even bigger frying pan, knocking him unconscious.
Upon re-gaining consciousness the man asked why she had hit again.
These remarks arent mine but the Emailers:To all you married men and women out there.................NO LIE IS EVER SO WELL COVERED..........so be careful you don't lose out on a lifetime of love, joy and respect for some momentary lust!
father of one of my kids!
A guy goes to the supermarket and notices an attractive woman waving at him. She says hello. He's rather taken aback because he can't place where he knows her from. So he says,
"Do you know me?" To which she replies,
"I think you're the father of one of my kids."
Now his mind travels back to the only time he has ever been unfaithful to his wife and says,
"My God, are you the stripper from my bachelor party that I made love to on the pool table with all my buddies watching while your partner whipped my butt with wet celery???"
She looks into his eyes and says calmly,
"No, I'm your son's teacher."
deft definitions!
I recently read that love is
entirely a matter of chemistry. That must be why my wife treats me like
toxic waste.
- David Bissonette
I've sometimes thought of
marrying, and then I've thought again. - Noel Coward, 1956
When a man steals your wife, there is no better revenge than to let him
keep her. - Sacha Guitry
Eighty percent of married men cheat in America. The rest cheat in Europe
- Jackie Mason
Marriage is like a cage; one sees the birds outside desperate to get in,
and those inside desperate to get out. - Montaigne
After marriage, husband and wife become two sides of a coin; they just
can't face each other, but still they stay together. - Hemant Joshi ( Phildavi:spoken like a true Indian )
Never Argue with a Woman
One morning the husband returns after several hours of fishing and decides to take a nap. Although not familiar with the lake, the wife decides to take the boat out. She motors out a short distance, anchors, and reads her book.
Along comes a Game Warden in his boat. He pulls up alongside the woman and says, "Good morning, Ma'am. What are you doing?"
"Reading a book," she replies, (thinking, "Isn't that obvious?")
"You're in a Restricted Fishing Area," he informs her.
"I'm sorry, officer, but I'm not fishing. I'm reading."
"Yes, but you have all the equipment. For all I know you could start at any moment. I'll have to take you in and write you up."
"For reading a book," she replies,
"You're in a Restricted Fishing Area," he informs her again,
"I'm sorry, officer, but I'm not fishing. I'm reading."
"Yes, but you have all the equipment. For all I know you could start at any moment. I'll have to take you in and write you up."
"If you do that, I'll have to charge you with sexual assault," says the woman?
"But I haven't even touched you," says the game warden.
"That's true, but you have all the equipment. For all I know you could start at any moment."
"Have a nice day ma'am," and he left.
MORAL: Never argue with a woman who reads. It's likely she can also think.
KING ARTHUR'S DILEMA!
The Queen's Chastity Belt!
King Arthur was in Merlin's laboratory where the great wizard was showing him his latest creation. It was a chastity belt, except it had a rather large hole in the most obvious place which made it basically useless.
"This is no good, Merlin!" the King exclaimed, "Look at this opening. How is this supposed to protect my lady, the Queen, when I'm on a long quest?"
"Ah, sire, just observe," said Merlin. He then selected his most worn out wand, one that he was going to discard anyway. He inserted it in the gaping aperture of the chastity belt whereupon a small guillotine blade came down and cut it neatly in two.
"Merlin, you are a genius!" said the grateful monarch. "Now I can leave, knowing that my Queen is fully protected."
After putting Guinevere in the device, King Arthur then set out upon a lengthy Quest.
Several years passed until he returned to Camelot. Immediately he assembled all of his knights in the courtyard and had them drop their trousers for an informal 'short arm' inspection.
Sure enough, each and every one of them was either amputated or damaged in some way. All of them, except Sir Galahad.
"Sir Galahad," exclaimed King Arthur. "You are my one and only true knight! Only you among all the nobles have been true to me. What is it in my power to grant you? Name it and it is yours."
But, alas, Sir Galahad was speechless.
HEM SENT THIS WITH "Offy...hope you understand this joke and laugh..." DOES HE THINK WE ARE DUMB BECAUSE HE'S(HEM) SPEECHLESS! IF THE TONGUE ISN"T BOBBITED IT NEVER FAILS!LOL. i DIDN'T UNDERSTAND 'CAUSE I'M DUMB!!!!!!
References & Biblography: : CHASTITY BELT : King Arthur on Wikipedia
SEX AFTER LIFE
other of the afterlife. Their biggest fear was that there was no afterlife.
After a long life together, the husband was the first to die. True to his
word, he made the first contact,
' Judy ...Judy.'
'Is that you, Steve?
''Yes, I've come back like we agreed.
''That's wonderful! What's it like?''
Well, I get up in the morning, I have sex. I have breakfast and then it's
off to the golf course. I have sex again, bathe in the warm sun and then
have sex a couple of more times. Then I have lunch (you'd be proud - lots of
greens), another romp around the golf course, then pretty much have sex the
rest of the afternoon. After supper, it's back to the golf course again. Then it's
more sex until late at night. I catch some much needed sleep and then the
next day it starts all over again.
''Oh, Steve you surely must be in Heaven!
''Not exactly ... I'm a rabbit on a golf course in Arizona '
Pre n Post Marriage
Before marriage....
He: Yes. At last. It was so hard to wait.
She: Do you want me to leave?
He: No! Don't even think about it.
She: Do you love me?
He: Of course! Over and over!
She: Have you ever cheated on me?
He: No! Why are you even asking?
She: Will you kiss me?
He: Every chance I get.
She: Will you hit me?
He: Are you crazy! I'm not that kind of person!
She: Can I trust you?
He: Yes.
She: Darling!
After marriage....
Simply read from bottom to top.
The Lover Husbands!
Husbands!
Husbands!
- Why are men like lawn mowers?
If you're not pushing one around, then you're riding it. - How is an ex-husband like an inflamed Appendix?
It caused you a lot of pain, and after it was removed you
found out you didn't need it anyway. - What do men and pantyhose have in common?
They either cling, run or don't fit right in the crotch! - How do we know men invented maps?
Who else would make an inch into a mile?! - How can you tell when a man is well hung?
When you can just barely slip your finger in between his
neck and the noose. - How do you keep your husband from reading your e-mail?
Rename the mail folder to "instruction manuals." - After a young couple brought their new baby home, the wife suggested that her husband should try his hand at changing diapers. "I'm busy," he said, "I'll do the next one."
The next time came around and she asked again. The husband looked puzzled, "Oh! I didn't mean the next diaper. I meant the next baby!"
BATTLE of d SEXES
VOTED THE BEST JOKE IN IRELAND
John O'Reilly hoisted his beer and said, "Here's to spending the rest of me life!, between the legs of me wife!"
That won him the top prize at the pub for the best toast of the night!
He went home and told his wife, Mary, "I won the prize for the Best toast of the night"
She said, "Aye, did ye now. And what was your toast?"
John said, "Here's to spending the rest of me life, sitting in church beside me wife."
"Oh, that is very nice indeed, John!" Mary said.
The next day, Mary ran into one of John's drinking buddies on the street corner.
The man chuckled leeringly and said, "John won the prize the other night at the pub with a toast about you, Mary."
She said, "Aye, he told me, and I was a bit surprised myself. You know, he's only been there twice in the last four years.
Once he fell asleep, and the other time I had to pull him by the ears to make him come."
DONT TRY IT
This guy
goes to a party without his wife. He hears this other guy say to his wife pass
the sugar, Honey. and pass the honey, Sugar. Inspired by this, the next morning
at breakfast with his wife, he says to his wife, "Pass the bacon,
Pig".
Three Wishes
A woman was out golfing one day when she hit her ball into the
woods.She went into the woods to look for it and found a frog in a trap.
The frog said to her, "If you release me from this trap, I will grant you 3 wishes." She did and the frog said, "Thank you, but I failed to
mention that there is a condition to your wishes. Whatever you wish for, your husband will get 10 times more or better!"
The woman said, "That's okay." For her first wish, she wanted to be the most beautiful woman in the world.
The frog warned her, "You do realize that this wish will also make your husband the most handsome man in the world, and women will flock to him."
The woman replied, " That's okay, because I will be the most beautiful
woman, and he will only have eyes for me." So, KAZAM - she became the most
beautiful woman in the world!
For her second wish, she wanted to be the richest woman in the world.
The frog said, "That will make your husband the richest man in the world, and he will be ten times richer than you."
The woman said, " That's okay because what's mine is his and what's his is
mine." So, KAZAM she became the richest woman in the world!
The frog asked her what she would like for her third wish.
She said,"I'd like a mild heart attack."
Cost for marriage
A little boy asked his father, "Daddy, how much does it
cost to get married?" And the father replied, "I don't know, son, I'm
still paying for it."
Coincidence
Two guys are shopping in a supermarket when their carts collide.
One says to the other, "I'm sorry, I was looking for my wife."
"What a coincidence. So am I, and I'm getting a little
desperate," says the other man.
"Well, maybe I can help you. What does your wife look
like?"
"She's tall, with long hair, long legs, firm boobs, and a
tight ass.
What does your wife look like?"
Confession
A man is on his deathbed, and his
wife is sitting by his side.
The man says to the wife: "Hon, I have to tell you something."
The wife replies: "Yes, you can tell me anything."
Man: "I slept with your sister"
Wife: "I know"
Man: "And your mom"
Wife: "I know"
Man: "I also slept with your secretary, Mary"
The wife puts a finger to his mouth and says "I know, my darling, now just
relax and let the poison work".
Greeting Card
In a stationery
store, I quickly picked out a card for my wife for our anniversary. The clerk
was surprised by how little time it took me, and she began relating a story
about another customer who spent a half-hour searching for the right
anniversary greeting.
Noticing the man
lingering over one card after another, the clerk went to see if she could help.
"Is there a problem?" she asked.
"Yes, there
is," he replied ruefully. "I can't find one my wife will believe."
Gang up on your kids !
After 48 years of marriage, an elderly man in Bombay calls his son in New York and says, "I hate to ruin your day son, but I have to tell you that your mother and I are getting a divorce; 45 years of misery is enough!"
"Dad, what are you talking about?" the son screams. "We can't stand the sight of each other any longer," the old man says. "We're sick of each other, and I'm sick of talking about this, so you call your sister in
Frantic, the son calls his sister, who explodes on the phone. "Like heck they're getting divorced," she shouts, "I'll take care of this." She calls
The old man hangs up his phone and turns to his wife. "Okay", he says, "It's all set. They're both coming for Diwali and paying their own airfare
Mr. Verma comes home one night, and his wife throws her arms around his neck: "I have great news: I'm a month overdue. I think we're going to have a baby! The doctor gave me a test today, but until we find out for sure, we can't tell anybody." The next day, Mrs..Verma receives a telephone call from British Gas because the electricity bill has not been paid." Am I speaking to Mrs..Verma ? "Yes...... speaking" British Gas guy, "You're a month overdue, you know!"
"How do YOU know?" stammers the young woman. "Well, ma'am, it's in our files!" says the British Gas guy . "What are you saying? It's in your files ......
HOW?????"
" Yes ............. We have a system of finding out who's overdue "
" GOD !!!!!!......... this is too much.........." "Madam, I am sorry...... I am following orders.... I have to inform you are overdue" I know that ....... let me talk to my husband about this tonight.....he will speak to your company tomorrow "That night, she tells her husband about the visit, and he, mad as a bull,rushes to British Gas office the next day morning. "What's going on? You have it on file that my wife is a month overdue? What business is that of yours?" the husband shouts. "Just calm down," says the lady at the reception at British Gas, "it's nothing serious. All you have to do is pay us." "PAY you? and if I refuse?" "Well, in that case, sir, we'd have no option but to cut yours off." "And what would my wife do then?" the husband asks. "I don't know. I guess she'd have to use a candle."
She came home early and found her husband in their bedroom making love to a very attractive young woman. The wife was VERY upset!
"You are a disrespectful pig!" she cried. "How dare you do this to me - a faithful wife, the mother of your children! I'm leaving you. I want a divorce straight away!"
And he replied: "Hang on just a minute luv, so at least I can tell you what happened"
"Fine, go ahead", she sobbed, " but they'll be the last words you'll say to me!"
And he began: "Well, I was getting into the car to drive home and this young lady here asked me for a
lift. She looked so down and out and defenceless that I took pity on her and let her into the car. I noticed that she was very thin, not well dressed and very dirty.
She told me that she hadn't eaten for three days! So, in my compassion, brought her home and warmed up the enchiladas I made for you last night, the ones you
wouldn't eat because you're afraid you'll put on weight. The poor thing devoured them in moments.
Since she needed a good clean-up I suggested a shower and while she was doing that I noticed her clothes were dirty and full of holes so I threw them away.
Then, as she needed clothes, I gave her the designer jeans that you have had for a few years, but don't wear because you say they are too tight. I also gave her the underwear that was your anniversary present, which you don't wear because I don't have good taste.
I found the sexy blouse my sister gave you for Christmas that you don't wear just to annoy her and I also donated those boots you bought at the expensive
boutique and don't wear because someone at work has a pairlike them."
He took a quick breath and continued: "She was so grateful for my understanding and help and as I walked her to the door she turned to me with tears in her
eyes and said "Please..... ...do you have anything else that your wife doesn't use?'
A WOMAN'S LOGIC!!!A woman goes to the doctor for her yearly physical.The nurse starts with certain basic items.
"How much do you weigh?" she asks."115," she says.The nurse puts her on the scale.It turns out her weight is 140.The nurse asks, "Your height?""5 foot 8," she says.The nurse checks and sees that she only measures 5' 5".She then takes her blood pressureAnd tells the woman it is very high."Of course it's high!" she screams,"When I came in here I was tall and slender!Now I'm short and fat!" Create a free website at Webs.com