“Are you ready?”

She nodded, “I am. I’ve got everything I need. I’m only leaving with one suitcase and my laptop. My computer bag has my laptop and all the connection wires, including my digital camera and its connections. I even found room to stick my travel printer in there, now that was a tight squeeze.” She patted her suitcase which was sitting next to her on the bed. “In here I’ve got about a month’s worth of clothes. That’s all I could fit and I think that’s all I’m going to need. Anything more than that is just overkill, and I’ll just have to find a cheap laundromat to wash it all. In the side pocket is my travel size shampoo and conditioner with all my other bathroom items. I’m sure they won’t last long, but I have the cash to purchase more when I’ll need it.”

Mike was standing in front of her while she was sitting on the bed. She looked up at him with a heavy sigh.

He smiled and shook his head, “That’s not exactly what I meant, but I guess it’s good to know that you’re prepared in that arena too.”

She looked surprised, “Oh. Well then what did you mean?”

He crossed his arms in front of him, “I meant do you have all the information you need? Do you have your ticket? Do you have your map? Do you have your city guide?”

She rolled her eyes and laughed, “Of course I do!” She held up her plane ticket which had been laying on the bed. “Here’s the plane ticket. It leaves tonight at six-pm, flight three-oh-five to New York on U.S. Airways.” She pulled out some papers from her computer bag, “Here’s my map of New York.” She unfolded it and pointed, “This side is the key map, and the other is just general locations.” She folded it back up and pulled out a stack of papers. “These are what I Googled. This shows me all the going-on’s of New York. I even managed to get a schedule of the subways and local buses.” She held up a small magazine, “This is what I had sent to me via mail. It’s all the local apartments in the area. Categorized by type, size, number of rooms, and of course….price!” She gathered all her papers and stuck them back in her bag. Proudly, she looked at him and said, “I don’t think I could ever be more ready than I am now.” She put on a false smile for him and looked at her two measly bags. She felt the weight of them even as they sat on her bed.

She stood up and grabbed her computer bag. He took her suitcase and carried it outside where the taxi was waiting to take her to the airport. She put her bags in the trunk of the yellow car and looked at him.

She hated this. She hated leaving him. She hated leaving everything they had built together. She knew she would miss him. She knew she would miss their life together. She knew she would miss Sigh as well. But most of all, she was scared. This was the first time she would ever be out on her own. She didn’t even have an apartment or a job waiting for her. She felt as if she was running away. She stood up tall. At least she was prepared. Nothing could surprise her out there. Sure it was a new city and new environment. Sure she didn’t have the first clue as to the workings of the big city, but she had all the information at her fingertips. This should be easy. She had confidence in herself that she could make it on her own.

He gave her a hug and kiss goodbye and she got in the car. She waved as she watched her life slipping away from her. Everything she ever knew. Everything she ever owned. Everything she ever loved was slowly fading away into the horizon. She had half a mind to tell the taxi driver to turn around, but she knew that was just the coward’s way out. She finally turned around in her seat and watched as life rushed towards her. She could do this. She knew she could. She kept telling herself that she knew she would make it.

It didn’t help her knees from knocking any less.

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“With this ring, I thee wed.” Mike looked into her eyes as he slid the ring onto her finger.

“With this ring, I thee wed.” Her voice was cracked. This was the happiest day of her life. With tears in her eyes she looked at him as she slid the ring on his finger. He smiled at her as the pastor announced, “You may now kiss the bride.”

Mike wrapped his arms around her waist and drew her close. “I love you,” he whispered. He brought his face close to hers and her heart leapt as they shared their first kiss as husband and wife.

***************************************************************************************

He was chasing her around the house. She screamed as he came close enough to just barely touch her shirt. She leaped into the bedroom and slammed the door.

His voice was on the other side, mocking. “I know you’re in theerrreee. I can hear you breathing.”

She laughed as she pushed her back up against the door. He wasn’t forcing his way in yet, but she was prepared. Again she heard his voice, “Little pig, little pig, let me in.”

She squealed, “Not by the hair on your chinny chin chin!”

He lightly tapped on the door, starting at the top and making his way down to where he knew her head was leaning against it.

She laughed as she dove on the bed. He heard her voice get further away and barged in. He jumped into the room with both arms open wide in the air and with wild eyes cried, “Here’s JOHNNY!”

She screamed in laughter and threw the covers over her head.

He had his arm around her. They were snuggled on the couch watching a movie. It was a chick-flick that she had wanted to see for a long time. She had finally convinced him to sit down and watch it with her, but not without much moaning and groaning. She had laughed and made the normal threat. No movie equals no sex. His eyes got wide at the thought and he made a high-pitched wince. He always gave her the puppy-dog face when she made that threat. Which constantly made her give him a sad face in return.

But this time she won that particular fight. And he had reluctantly agreed to watch the movie with her. He ended up liking it. As he held her close he kissed the top of her head. He had her hand in his, resting on his thigh and they never moved throughout the entire movie. When it was over she looked up at him and smiled. “See? It wasn’t that bad was it?”

He quickly put his hands to his neck and made a loud choking sound. A gurgling noise came from his throat and he dropped his head to the side with his tongue stuck out.

She burst out in laughter and playfully shoved his arm.

*************************************************************************************** 

They were laying in bed with her head on his chest. She could hear his heart beating steadily as he breathed deeply. The ran her hands through his chest hair. She loved the way it went in all different directions. Going up towards his neck at the top and finally smoothing down between his pecs, then wildly sticking up in circles around his nipples. She traced her finger down the trail of hair leading to his belly button.

He lightly laughed at her fingers tickling his stomach. She arched her head back to look him in the eyes. They sparkled and danced as he smiled at her.

“I love you.”

“I love you too.”

*************************************************************************************** 

She woke to the loud hum of the plane. The woman sitting next to her was fast asleep. Glad for having chosen a window seat, she looked out to the ground below. It was a mix-match of fields and houses. She thought it looked like a giant patchwork quilt.

With a tear, she recalled her dream. For the thousandth time, she felt her heart being shattered to a million pieces. She felt them each, one by one, as the pieces broke and fell into her gut. She felt she was going to be sick. She lied to herself passing it off as simple air sickness. She wouldn’t do this to herself. She promised herself she could do this.

Never before had she missed Sigh as much as she did now.

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Again she sat down to write.

It was cold in her hotel room. Having only been in the room long enough to set her suitcase on the bed and call Mike, she wrapped herself up in a blanket and sat down on the soft, red chair to write once more.

She knew she wasn’t the best at writing, but it helped her now and again, and this time was definitely a “now” time.

She was scared. No, scared wasn’t the word. She was downright terrified. Her belly had been knotted up for the past 5 hours. She had fought against her stomach on the plane, but eventually it reined champion. She ended up rushing to the bathroom, thankful that no one was occupying it, as she dumped that afternoon’s lunch down the toilet.

When she arrived in New York she already had a rental car waiting for her, and a reservation at the nearest Extended Stay Inn. She made her way up two flights of stairs and down the long, shadowy corridor to her room. Room 219. She pushed open the door and looked into the empty space. Home sweet home, she thought to herself, at least temporarily. It was nice as it had a miniature built-in kitchen as well as a couch that faced the TV. The bed was only a full size, but she wasn’t expecting company. All in all, it was pretty respectable.

She stared at the piece of paper she had pulled out of her computer bag. Her mind reeled with only one thought as her stomach churned with the complimentary peanuts she had forced herself to swallow on the plane. Finally the pen touched the paper:

I’ve only been gone for one day and it already seems like an eternity. My heart breaks knowing that I might never speak to you again. To hear one last whisper from your mouth. One last word, one last look upon your face, one last momentary glance upon you as you turn your back upon the woman that loves you so. My soul is torn as I can feel the other half of me slipping further and further away. As I leave I wonder if you will ever think of me. Will I ever cross you mind? Will a special memory of me flutter across your eyes as you are out there in the cold, cold world, looking out at the horizon? Will a word, or a smell, or even a small smile bring forth memories of our times together.

Oh how for our precious times together. How I miss them so. Talking for hours into the night. As I stare out my bedroom window as the moon slowly rises and then falls and with the breaking dawn we finally part and say ado. Will you miss our special times together, my love? Will you miss me while I’m gone? Or will I ever be forgotten, just another dead memory in your ocean of dreams?

How I wish you could know just how you have touched my heart. I wonder if I have touched yours in same manner. Have I made you discover yourself the way you have made me? Have I made you realize that life is precious and that every moment spent with someone you love is to be treasured until the end of time....as you have me? Have I made you realize that you can be loved? That you are worth loving....as you have me?

I only hope and pray that the day will come when you can look upon my face and see what I truly am. But wait......I believe you already have. For you have seen me as no other. You have loved me as no other. You have made me feel as no other. And you have treated me......as no other. And for that I will always be grateful. For you have touched my heart, and I can only pray that I have touched yours. I will miss you. Will you miss me?

Re-reading her words, she questioned her actions. She had abandoned both worlds. The one she knew and loved. The one she had created from scratch and had nurtured, and toiled and struggled to keep alive. But also the world she dreamed of. The world where the only person she had ever loved was waiting for her. She had left them both. She couldn’t decide which absence made her heart break more. All she knew for sure was that she was alone. Utterly. Alone.

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She could feel the wind blowing in her hair. It was a soft breeze that made her want to stretch out her arms and loose herself within it.

She was standing on her balcony looking out into the distance. While her body was on the physical plane, her mind was elsewhere. She shut her eyes tight against the pain. Against the hurt. Against the anger. Against the sorrow. For the past six months she had been trying to shut out this pain. But tonight, in her lonely hotel room, it finally came rushing at her full force.

The hurricane of emotion wrecking its havoc on what once was her strong soul. It tore at her mind and heart, slashing them both to shreds and leaving no dark corner untouched. The memories of what seemed like a thousand lifetimes whirled around her. She searched for the calm within the storm but found none. She was lost in her anguish

”There’s no chance…..I’m sorry.”

“I can’t handle this...I’m not a strong enough man.”

“Its life threatening…..there’s nothing we can do.”

“I hate to leave you alone like this….”

“You will both die…unless something can be done…”

“Please know that I love you….”

“But it’s too advanced right now….”

“Please forgive me….”

“It’s beyond our capabilities….”

“I just…..can’t do this…”

She let out a loud cry. Her voice bounced back against the wind which had grown stronger. As the storm grew in her heart, the wind around her picked up speed. The clouds outside became as dark as those inside her, but she was oblivious. She kept her eyes shut as she fought against herself. It started to rain but she kept standing with her eyes shut tight.

There’s nothing they can do, she thought, nothing.

Tears were rapidly flowing down her cheeks in spite of herself. She finally opened her eyes and looked out at the darkening sky through a watery blur. What she saw seemed no different with her eyes open then when they were closed.

I’m going to die. We’re both going to die.

She looked at the ground below her. Too close. Ten feet wouldn’t do it.

Then she spotted something. Her balcony overlooked the outdoor pool, which was enclosed by a large black security gate. She studied it carefully, watching how the top of the gate slowly curved up to an over-exaggerated point and then back down. She questioned her aim.

Slowly, she pulled herself up to a standing position on the top rail of her balcony. Keenly focused on the gate below her she hardly noticed the intensity in which the storm was building.

“Will you still love me?”

“Nothing we can do…”

“Please forgive me….”

“It’s beyond our capabilities….”

“I’m just not strong enough….”

She balanced herself carefully. She put her hand gently on her stomach and looked down at it.

“Will you tell him?”

“No, how could I?”

“Nothing we can do…”

“But you love him….”

“What if he says exactly what Mike did?”

“Nothing we can do…”

“I can’t stand to have my heart broken like that again…”

“Nothing we can do…”

“No, I won’t tell him. My love. I won’t.”

“You will both die…”

She let the tears flow as she looked back up at the sky. Her arms slowly stretched out. She closed her eyes and let herself get caught up in the wind.

“Mike how could you say that?”

“I’m just not strong enough….”

“You will both die…”

She opened her eyes once more to look upon the last thing that would ever touch her. It looked inviting. Like it was expecting her. Wanting her as much as she wanted it.

“I know this doctor…”

Her heart stopped.

“He’s in New York….”

She looked back up at the sky.

“He might be able to help….”

She glanced down at her stomach.

“He might be able to save both of you…..”

She wailed in anguish into the wind and quickly lowered herself back down. Her heart was beating wildly in her chest as she walked back inside her room and collapsed on her bed. She was drained. Emotionally and physically.

She looked down as she slowly brought her hand back up to her stomach once more and rubbed it.

“I’m sorry. Please forgive me. I won’t give up on us. I promise.”

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