March 13~ i finally got a livejournal account. hopefully that will become my blog...and this will just become my website .^_^
www.livejournal.com/users/Buddha_Loves_me
don't ask about the user name, its not worth it
March 7~ Well. Well. wel....-.- I was at my Dad's house this weekend doing nothing and my dad keeps saying 'why dont you invite a friend over?' 'why don't you invite a friend over?' 'why don't yo--
WHY DONT YOU SHUT UP~ GAHHHH! doesn't he realize that all my friends HATE mona? Lauren doesn't even call over at my dad's becasue she's afraid mona will pick up (which is really annoying considering Mona yells at everyone) but anyways...since Jordan was talking about having me and Lauren come over or something i asked him if it was ok if i went over there. AND GUESS WHAT? he said yes! hell has frozen over and Jesus has become a muslim! *ahem* so, that was cool. SO OF COURSE JORDAN NEVER CALLS!!! -.- i sat near my telephone all day on Saturday until four o clock when i realized that she wasn't going to call. my internet was down, Mona was being a bitch, ricky and clay were hogging the X box, Julie was in wenatchee with mom and Brian and my dad was doing work in his office. and i was fucking alone in my god damned room isolated from the outside world.
*sigh* i was so bored i ended up playing with Julie's doll house. and barbies. BARBIES!!! do you know how pathetic that is? it turned into a god damned sitcom with Barbie commiting suicide after she finds out Ken is gay and his lover (an N sync action figure...don't ask) were running away to New York to get married. She then is brought into rehab where she rapes a bunch of innocent kelly dolls...O_o i'm a very weird person when i don't have my internet...
on the bright side i had 98 reviews in my inbox...and i have 32 reviews for a story with only one chapter so far. good times...^^;;;;
Today Mona had a little 'dress up' party and Dad, Clay, Ricky and I went to see Hildaldo...or whatever that stupid horse's name is. its was good, and it had a preview for Troy (a movie with Orlando bloom in it) i was squealing so loud someone asked if i was ok and needed a glass of whatever. it was trying to contain it, ok? he's just so damn hot and he has an ACCENT? who can deny that sexy man his squealing? then Mona decided that we should go out to dinner. and where do we go?
DC steak house.
HELLO!?!?!? are you daft woman? have you forgotten i don't EAT RED MEAT? are you so fucking stupid you forgot that i actually live in the same house as you two times a month? GAHHHHHHH
March 1~ *yawn* *scratch scratch* *yawns again* well, i just got back from winter congress...and well...yawn! you know, i stayed up until like midnight on both nights and then had to endure the endless torture of politics to the point that i'd perfer to eat cow only to realize i have to wake up at six in the morning. damn it all to hell...and by the time i got home from the train station/SHS it was eleven and i still needed to take a shower and put bedding on my bed *sweat drop*
so i woke up this morning and i felt like shit. literally...uh...i'll leave you to imagine. anyways, i got dressed and shuffled downstairs already determining that i'd ask mommy for a mental health day. which i did, FYI. she told me ok because i was even more antisocial this morning then i normally was. i went back upstairs, changed into my PJs and conked out on my bed while reading my new manga Fruits Basket for the fifth time (i thought it was cute, ok?) and i woke up two hours later and was completely mellow and silent (very rare occurance, mind you) and spent most of the day sewing with my mom. O_o yes...i said sewing, you got a problem with that? i made julie a stuffed animal that resembled a pair of her underwear. ...^^;;;;;;
February 25~ Ok, i'm here in my drama class...well actually i'm in my school's computer lab and my drama teacher is sitting right next to me on the computer right next to me and guess what? He's making a lecture about being a kid as long as you can and how we could end up throwing our parents in jail. hm...i shall ponder this. Actually, no.
Anyways, yeah...oh no, he said butt! we should have him arrested. Ok...That was interesting
February 21~ WHA!!!!! i dont want to go back to school! i just discovered that i have homework. fuck. ah well. i took a hell of a lot of quizes yesterday you can find them on the random page of doom. oh and this reminded me of Panic and me in a less disgusting way (note the other pages...yuck...):
http://www.monkey-business.net/archived.php?comic=&date=20030911
February 14~ Well i'm on second winter break and going skiing on Monday...so this will be my last update for a while. Anyways, insanity is ensuing everywhere i go. i got onver 250 reviews for my fanfiction and i'm extremely proud of myself. ^_^ i'm also proud fo myself because for the first time in months i actually talked to Ashleigh...it was...weird...i didn't expect it to go from no speaking to having a civil conversation. it made me realize how horrible i had treated her...and yet...she's still the same Ash as i remember. the same person i went to sweet kitty the anime store with. the same ash that i talked to endlessly on the internet with. the same Ash who rode in a limo with a bunch of insane people.
damn i feel so horrible. i hate that feeling knowing i've failed someone or hurt someone, which is why i try to keep out of other's business...and look how well THAT turned out.
but most of all, it made me realize how much i missed her as a friend...and....how sorry i am.
Onto happier news, Panic-Sama and I have made a musical. it took all of 5th period and lots of weird looks, but we finally got syncrinized and we could do the moves and sing the lyrics. the lyrics were very simple though. While singing 'this song's got sentimental value, sentimental value...sent-i-men-tal sentimental value!' we would rise, push back our chairs with our right foot, step back swing our arms, plop down, plop back up, walk around our chairs, spin around each other with our elbows linked, grab the opposite chair scoot back to the desk and sit down. then we would stand up and walk like they do in broadway musicals with your elbows stuck out. anyways, we'd walk three steps to the right three steps to the left and then walked around each other walk around our chair and sit down before striking a pose that involved us sticking our arms out like idiots. we got A LOT of weird looks that day...good times...we're so stupid sometimes...we made up another song but i don't remember all the lyrics just me not knowing how to rhyme it went something like this:
...And she's lost her ability to rhyme!
Look, she's screwed up the rhyming scheme,
What the hell is she gonna do next?
February 11~ i live!!!
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Your element is Air: Carefree, loveable, fun and childish. Arent you cute! Your just full of childhood spunk and happiness! Hey who said being young was a bad thing? You have a keen understanding of whats good in life and choose to remain happy rather than get too upset over things. Life is fun, who wants to be troubled by grown-up problems? Being as capable of love as you are you will make a wonderful parent if and when you choose to grow up. Love is a mystery because you only want friends not love interests, games are better than relationships with the opposite sex. Although you have what everyone is searching for, that so called 'fountain of youth' deep inside. You can come across as naive and childish at times. But who cares what they think, lets go play tag!
The great Panda has made a discovery! I AM A HYPOCRIT....WHO CANT SPELL!!! ^___^ |
February 2~ Happy groundhog's day! joy and rapture! anyways, today was a pretty normal day, i should be working on my essay due in two days, but i feel like ranting today. So anyways, tis a pretty normal day in the horrible place i'm forced to enter and have my learning be done in such an annoying enviornment. Anyways, it was at lunch when it happened. Panic kicked me, HARD. It really really really really really (you get the point) hurt. But you know, i deserved it because i was being a moron and not listening to her when she told me to shut the hell up. So anyways, that's ok because i think i deserved it, even though i now have a very large bruise and it really really really (you get the point) hurts. But today, right before sixth period during passing times, i was talking to Andrea and Alexa when Lauren appears and kicks my shins. Luckily, my legs were braced and i didnt collapse or stagger or anything. Instead i just kind of felt this searing pain shoot though where my new bruise was. I asked Lauren why she felt the urge to kick me and she said that she had to make her presence known.
What the fuck?
couldn't you have tapped me on the shoulder? couldn't you have cleared your throat? Couldn't you have screamed my name while you ran around in a painc? that would have gotten my attention. you didn't have to KICK me. So i asked you not to and you said that you would keep doing it until i stopped making random squeaky noises. its part of who i am Panic. Its a habit that i can't get rid of KICKING ME WILL NOT MAKE IT GO AWAY. So, i asked you not to, and you either didn't hear me or you chose to ignore me. so i'll ask you now:
Do. Not. Kick. Me.
January 27~ Happy birthday to me, happy birthday to me! i'm living life on the edge. as i write this, i am in my school's computer lab, where i should be doing my physics project, but guess what? IM NOT! ha! i feel so free! i even managed to RP on a few avidgamer sites before i had to close to the windows. Mr. Hyland's on the other side of hte room and i'm in my little corner, where no one can see me. the only downside is that people going to the printer will be able to see me. and also, the fact i've been writing this long may look weird. but i do'nt care! because i'm a loose cannon student who doesn't play by the rules in my new hit movie: Loose Cannon Student who lives on the edge and doesn't play by the rules!
...
yes, that was a sad rip off from the Fairly odd parents or whatever that's show's called. Anyways, last night i watched my big fat obnoxious fiancee, and i decided it would be hella fun to be Steve. anyways, todays my birthday, and already i've gotten presents from three people. Even brooke gave me a present, which surprised me, becuase i thought she would only get me a card or something.
Jordy got me a card for a two year old...-.-;;;
And Kim gave me oil pastels and a bunch of other stuff that is fun fun fun! i love oil pastels, they are w00talious and infuckingcredible. Shit, teacher's coming, g2g~
January 24~ Ok, everyone i have some important things to say:
1.) I am not depressed
2.) I am perfectly happy with my social life
3.) Jordy and Lauren are buddies again...yay!
4.) I was going through some major moodswings lately
5.) I am not pregnant
6.) Cameron, i finally updated, are you happy now?
*ahem* Anyways, my last few journal entries were a little...depressing and stupid but that's because i tend to be like that when i forget to take my meds. Anyways, i'm all happy now and while writing those entries i would like to say i was deliusional and being a jackass so half the things i said weren't true:
1.) I do not think Lauren is manipulative
2.) Lauren has perfectly good people skills (90% of the time ^^;;;)
3.) I do not feel like a 3rd wheel
4.) I am still a Buddhist, so HA!
Yesterday was a good day! Finals are finally over and i went over to Jordy's house. I would have gone directly to her house with Cameron and Lauren but my mommy figure wanted me to come home. So, i came later with DDR (upon Jordy and Lauren's request) and her Jordy's mom said they went out.
Now, knowing that i am a retard, i believed her. Though i did find it completely odd that there shoes were still in the house -.-;; (yeah Panda, they're walking around in the rain with no shoes). So, her mom told me to go to Jordan's room. Her room is at the end of a small hall, so i walk towards it.
And lo and behold, Cameron, Jordy and Lauren pop out of nowhere and scare the shit out of me, causing me to scream and go into defense mood (basically i just start kicking the first thing i see, in this case Cameron). After they laughed at me for a good few minutes, i pretended not to care...-.-
So, we played DDR and Lauren convinced us to walk to blockbuster so she could buy Dumb and Dumber...we ended up not watching it in the long run, ah well. We played DDR a lot and it was funny because Cameron and Jordy both kind of sucked O:-)
ANYWAYS, as we walked to the OFC shoping center, we played twenty questions, good times, really. >.> i would like to mention this one question, but i don't think Jordy would like that <.< So anyways, it was fun. Once we got the movie, we walked to some music store and stared at piano books. i was like a child in a candy store. NOT. well, luckily we only stayed for a few minutes. But Jordy and Cameorn were slow, so, Lauren and I, being complete retards, ran down the sidewalk and around the building.
it was after we stopped and hid behind a car did we realize that it probably looked like we were shoplifting -.-; Also, we were looking for Cameron and Jordy by looking through the window of a car. that probably looked suspicious...Anyways, we kept running...
in the wrong direction.
that was smooth. we ended up walking back and running into Jordan and Cameron again. good times, ne?
You know, now that i think of it, me and Lauren could have set a car alarm off. that would have sucked...
Later, again, January 18~ So, i feel better after a few good hours of moping and sulking and getting comfort from my mommy. She really is a good person to get advice from. I was probably just PMSing anyway. Cameron...shut the hell up, i know your laughing. Anyways, i feel much better, me and mom watched this crappy movie from the eighties and it has no point. i mean, it had CIA agents dressed up like clowns so no one would notice them. what the fuck? anyways, i'm sititng around and typing this while waiting for Jordy to talk to me. i know your on, answer me, damn you.
So anyways, Cameron, you're a friend, so dont' feel left out. *ahem* moving on from that...if your still laughing, i swear i will kill you. i can't get mad at Alex but i sure as hell can get mad at you. You're little brother and my little brother used my ROOM as a wrestling ring? WTF? i seriously need a moron detector on my door...then i wouldn't be able to get in. ah well, i just need to strangle my brother and insult Alex by saying he looks like Cameron.
He looks like Cameron, it scares the shit out of me. its like a lilttle mini-Cameron running around! ak!
Later January 18~ i find it so funny how people have so many friends while i simply hang out with Jordy and Lauren really. i have other friends...but they aren't so close....and in the long run, i realize how alone i feel. i feel so disconnected.
like a third wheel....
Lauren has all her friends like Skop, War, and a bunch of people i don't even know and never bothered to introduce myself too...Jordy has Cameron...Kim, well, i barely see Kim....
Lauren always tells me how anti-social i am...i am. i'm just afraid...afraid of rejection...afraid to be alone...afraid of the truth. i run from the truth...so many times i have hidden from the waves of change. i don't want change.
i don't want the truth.
And the way that Lauren seems to fit in with everyone, the attention she gets from boys, the power she has over others in a way that reminds me of manipulation...
like the animal spirits thing. War is a kick ass wolf dragon, Lauren is a kitsune, Skop is a dingo otter i think, Jordy apparently is a kitty with big floppy ears.
and what am i?
human.
i try to deceive myself that i am a panda. but that is simply a nickname, a common name of greeting i have been labeled with. i am nothing but a human.
i am no buddhist. i may think that they are true in their way of belief. but i am no Buddhist.
i am from a family of Christians. i am nothing.
i'm a human Christian with nothing significant about her. so many people have made that painfully clear and i refused to listen. but what's the point of deceiving oneself when others already know the truth you are so desperately trying to hide from? i'll tell you what, there isn't a point.
damn it, i'm making myself cry. but i want no pity, so don't give it. this is simply my journal where i list my feelings and my thoughts, and if you agree or disagree if perfectly fine with me. it doesn't matter any more.
never before have i felt so empty...so hollow...so....
nothing.
January 18~ Well...Lauren and Jordy had a fight and apparently Lauren hates Jordy...i don't know, it seems that no matter what happens, my friends just end up fighting and hating each other. And sometimes the fights are for the stupidest reasons and sometime they have points but could be easily forgiven. Sometimes when fighting people bring in things that are totally unreasonable and shouldn't even be mentioned.
i don't know, i just wish that my friends could just get along, i hate to see them fight, it feels like a huge weight has been dumped onto my shoulders. i know it isn't any of my business but i can't help but feel hollow and empty when someone mentions hating another, even if i do it too.
Hate is such a powerful word, and like War often says, we throw it around, along with love, like a sack of potatos, as if that word means nothing. the emotion, the power, so much lies beneath those two simple words and we misuse them everyday. 'i love this computer'. 'i hate doing chores'.
The point of a friend is to always be there. If one friend must go off somewhere and carry on with their life, the friend should be happy and offer support when needed. When the person returns and says 'we're still friends' then you are. People have a life outside of friends and life doesn't revolve around friends. There are priorities in life, even if they seem jumbled to another, but the point of the matter is that a friend should be there when needed.
People often say that they don't care what others think, and then when its convient, they bring in the facts of what others think to string along the argument to their advantage. who cares if others hate this certain person, you should decide for yourself. And you shouldn't rely on the opinions of others to get you through a fight, thats the dirty way out.
Jordy and Lauren are both my friends. i care for them both deeply and i hate to see them like this. but it is not my decision whether or not they remain friends, even if i feel that the argument was wrong in the long run. a moment of annoyance, a shutting down of senses, igorance in feelings, ignoring one another, listening the wrong way...it all happens...it all leads...but what i don't understand is that if one simple argument can lead to 'hating' a person...are you really as good of a friend as you say?
Especially if you say you don't care?
Later January 17~ Well, i'm home after riding about fifteen minutes in a car alone with Jordy's father figure and stepmother. I was surprised they didn't start asking me why i was a buddhist. who gives a fuck? Anyways, instead they asked me if my parents are divorsed and i proceeded to tell them that i hate Mona's guts. i then told them the theory i have about divorsed parents with their spouses. I figured that the child will always hate the stepparent of the same gender. I love Brian and hate Mona. Ricky loves his dad's girlfriend and hates my dad. Jordy loves Ken but hates Jackie. According to Jordy's dad Jordy's brothers hate Ken but like Jackie. However, i didn't realize how awkward that was until they started talking about Jordy and i'm all thinking 'why are you asking me this? stop please, STOP!' but you know...
January 17~ Damn, its the seventeenth already? jet lag wow....i could have sworn it was the 16th. what the hell? anways, i am at Jordy's Dad's computer way up in Sultan AKA THE BOONIES! they were determined to scare me by renting the Ring and it wasn't at the store. KARMA dumb asses
January 14~ Yohoho! I am the great Panda coming here to say that i like monkeys!
January 13~ Let's see, updates in the quotes, pictures, parodies, and people are signing my guest book! yay! *ahem* anyways, la la la~
January 11~ school tomorrow, that sucks...blah. I just finished reading the most hillarious fanfic ever! it was making fun of cinderella and it was Jakotsu (from the shinigami or whatever they're called "inuyasha people...") and Bankotsu was the prince. anyways...it was funny. They made fun of a bunch of things and Inuyasha had to be the fairy god mother. ^^; good times...
Later January 10~ Ok, so i'm alone in the house with julie in my closet singing the twelve days of christmas like there's no tomorrow and i'm typing away at my computer so this new layout will work and what do i discover? I was supposed to take the puppy out for a shit half an hour ago.
since Mona's such a caring woman *cough cough hack hack wheeze...dies* she offered to babysit a little golden retrever puppy named Jasper. goldens are idiots, i'll say that much. the puppy spends half the time running into a wall. seriously. so anyways, i got the freakishly short leash around his scrawny little neck and decided to take his secret lover, Chaps out with me. (yes they were humping each other last night...not so secret lovers? YES!) so anyways, they hop around like retards and hump each other for a few seconds (After being very grossed out i kicked Chaps off the poor puppy) and led Jasper to his 'shit corner' as i like to call it. So what does the little bundle of golden homosexuality do? Why he doesn't shit AT ALL. may i remind you that i am deathly afraid of the dark, and when you live in an area surronded by treees you can get scared easily. so i start screaming at the dogs (and they hump some more O_O) to get the fuck back inside.
No, the dog has other plans. The little son of a bitch yanks the lease from my hands and he and Chaps run away into the darkness. TERRIFIC. Not only are they in the dark (something i hate) but Chaps is probably violating poor Jasper in a way a deprived hamster would jump off the top story of his cage and commit suicide.
...
i never had much look with pets, ne? so anyways, i run after them, much to my dismay, and try and claim the butt budies as best i can. no such luck. no, they decided to tease me and run deeper into the poison ivy. Did i know it was poison ivy? NO! i didn't.
So now i itch all over and the dog never took his shit.
being very pissed off, i basically throw the bastard dogs into the house and take off his leash (contemplating whether to throw it away and burn the dog). And then i discover the dog has a leaf in his mouth. he was trying to eat it and as i reached for it he started growling and running around like a headless chicken.
now, i've chased after him for ten minutes, only to discover he'd already swallowed the leaf minutes ago, and i now reek of dog.
bugger.
January 10~ Hello. i'm at my house. alone. my dad wouldnt let me go shopping with Panic-sama and Jordy (and Ryan??) because its my weekend with him. so what does he do? Leaves the house. terrific. brownie points for Daddy *sarcasm* well oh well, maybe Jordy and Panic are getting me birthday presents. don't really care, actually, since i got mostly everything i wanted for x-mas.
Anways, new section up in the parodies: Cops
And as you can see, i have a new layout. ah well, we'll see how this works out, *shrug*
Now what i want to know is what's the big deal about finals? it isn't that scary at all, people are already stressing about it, and some girl in my science class had a mental breakdown when Mr. Hyland started talking about them. in the long run, people, its just a bunch of tests which equal half days. in reality, the tests can barely raise or lower your grade. most likely if you completely bomb the test and not get a single answer right, it will only lower your grade by one percent. hello people, get with the program. all this stress and studying is totally unnecessary. don't do all nighter, study as much as you would a normal test (in my case none ^^;;;)
Well, then, there's my rant.
January 4~ HA! there was this weird 'threesome quiz' O_O on War's blog so i decided to take it and HA i get to have a threesome with Orlando bloom and Eligha Woods (sp)! HAHAHHAHAHA! *cackles* i can die HAPPY! W00t! *falls down a cliff*
January 2~ Well, i took a long walk in the snow today...and i was reminded why i spend all my time indoors. ITS FUCKING COLD OUTSIDE!!!!! i fell down a hill...which is to be expected of a clumsy panda....but it was a sleeding hill -.- then i got lost. then i was almost run over by some fucking teenagers (thus making me fall down the small mountain) and snow got in my shoes. my excuse to get out of the house was that i needed to 'clear my mind'. i was just procrastinating from my homework. HOWEVER, i would have perfered homework then the hell the elements put me through.
Later January 1~ i actually have something to put in the quotes section!
January 1~ Hello once again. i've decided that since recently one of my fanfictions were deleted because it was typed up in a 'script' kind of way that maybe i should post it on this site. its been gone for quite a while, and i must admit i was hesitant to post it. but i decided that i should, since there's lots of people out there that miss it....yeah....so! yeah!................
December 31~ Well, it is New Year's even and the old guy is about to turn into a poop machine. joy to the world. i'd like to take this time to thank a number of people:
number one: Pants man: without him, the world of the pants would be left to the Canadian Military.
number two: George W. Bush: proves that i'm not the only idiot out there
number three: Mr. Bayuk: i just told my mom i'm doing homework for his class. and for that i am grateful (because i really DO NOT want to play scrabble)
number four: all you other yahoos who would be insulted if i didn't thank you! ^^
December 29~ Ah it is I, the great and noble Panda-Chan! *falls down a cliff* anyways, christmas was pretty spiff and i got almost everything i wanted. the good part about having a birthday one month and two days after christmas is that i don't forget everything i wanted and didn't get on the delightful day of the dude who was really a jew and yet is worshiped by christians. religion always was confusing to me. anyways, since Lauren's in California, i have been pretty lonely, so of course i was happy to see that i was invited to Jordy's house on new years eve, and what do i discover? why that i have to stay and babysit Julie and Clayton! it sucks a lot. -_-
December 24~ Merry Christmas everyone! i trust that your day is filled to the brim with jesus goodness. that was sarcasm. And don't think i forgot all my jewey friends! Happy Hanuka....Chankaku....Hokoto, however the fuck you spell it. Jordy tells me theres like twenty different ways to spell it...or something...i dunno i wasn't really listening ^^;; So anyways, i'm going to bed now! because Santas coming, tee hee. that was sarcasm again, you spazes *has a seziure and falls down a cliff* yay!
December 22 Later~ ^________________________^ OH MY MOTHER FUCKING GOD! i just came back from the return of the king. AND HOLY SHIT! HOLY MOTHER OF ALL SHIT! ^____________________^ that was by far the greatest of the trilogy. but, since Panic told me not to tell her what happened, i'll leave you to imagine the coolness. speaking of cool, LEGOLAS IS SO GOD DAMN HOT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Everything about him is so sexy. And at the end he has such a sexy outfit he's so dreamy! *dies from the semxines*
December 22~ I am mad. who am i mad at? Lauren's mommy figure! why? Becuase she won't let me see Lord of the Rings with me! whaa ;-; its so sad! wha wha wha wha wha wha wha wha wha. she won't let her see it because she wants to see it with Lauren the first time. O_o WTF? ok...i'm done ranting...i feel uncomfortable ranting about someone else's mom *scurries away*
December 20~ Hello my loyal fans! *crickets chirp* Righteo then! me being the totally genius Panda that i am, i have accidently deleted all recent writings on this page. aren't i so smart! damn straight i am. anyways...i suppose the page was getting a little long. so, never fear for i am here to spread...good cheer. yes, i am aware that made no sense, but it rhymed. damn straight. so anyways...nothing to update about...byes!
