Who Cares?

(A conversation)

“Are you a carer?” I was asked, “I don’t know”, I suppose I am, I said.

Right: who do you look after, she asks? My two sons, I answered. What’s wrong with them? They are mentally ill, I reply.

Oh! They won’t be too difficult to look after then?

I have a daughter, the woman said, she takes a lot of looking after, “I have a lot of hard work”, as she sipped her tea.

I empathized with her as she told me all she has to do, she said I had no idea, I told her that I do. She seemed s little startled at the reply, and said, “but your sons, their okay”

I apologized if I seemed a bit condescending, but I didn’t mean to. I took a sip of tea.

I felt obliged to tell her what it’s like for me. The sleepless nights, the need to make sure they take their pills, the times you have to look out for them, when you know they are unwell, will we ever see them again?

There’s good times, bad times, and some very funny & happy times. I said    “ there really is no difference, is there?” as we both took another sip of tea. After all, who cares? “We do!”

By Lucille

 Are we treated differently?

I went to a Local open carers conference and this lady sat down beside me when she struck up this conversation, and she just wanted to open up about her predicament. I think she thought maybe I was just a helper, and that is why she asked if I was a carer because my two sons were not with me. A lot of the carers had their family members with them due to the fact it was an open day conference. The Scottish Executive, NHS Scotland and Princess Royal Trust were running the show.

It was at that point I said I fully understood, and she said that I couldn't possibly as my two sons were able bodied and I apologised if I had sounded as if I were being flippant.

I just started to explain about my sons illnesses and to give as shortened aversion of what it's like;

But didn't tell her what I was that my eldest had severe learning difficulties as well as having mental health issues and was like that for most of his life.

I didn't tell her how he broke a window, tried to drink straight from a teapot, pack his bags and went out the door (this happened more than once) tried to commit suicide three times.

I didn't tell her about my youngest son who at 14 after abusing cannabis and alcohol at 12/13 years of age, and then after being encouraged to take a couple of "E"s when nearly 15, that he almost died.

I didn't tell her how I had to padlock the front and back doors, lock all our windows and when both of them would need either of us parents to take on night duty to make sure they were safe.

Yes I do think we are treated differently and feel very strongly that we should tell our stories. I also feel that the stigma does not end with the "user" (I hate that terminology) of the services, it affects the carer, because as soon as you mention you have a loved one with a mental illness, it's oh! er; and they hurry off as if it was catching, the taboo, it's worse than those who have Aid's or HIV positive.