How did I get through this

My instincts as a mother was my guide in getting through it all, you know, the gut instinct that not all is well. The reaction to protect that I think is in most women. Men have the same but at a different level and act a little differently, especially in the early stages, men will put the protection mode around them as in a battle to then protect others, while we become more of the diplomat and nurse

Our early battle's were very traumatic and we were in a daze for most of the time, we didn't know who to turn to for that kind of help, family members just recoiled in shock, close friends too. It was like a death with everyone responding as if it really was one. It was a really confusing time. We did not get any counselling, no leaflets, just a meeting to ask us questions. We were made to feel we were to blame. In one incident we were ushered into a room at the child and adolescence unit with his care worker from social services and our son, which looked weird, a bit like a studio with a dark glass wall and we instantly knew there was a camera behind it and we were guarded in what did or said as we were left alone. We didn't want to be like that or come over as "bad parent's" but the whole situation being in that room made us like that, the only person to react was our son when he "kicked off", he was very psychotic and wanted out and made for the door we all tried to stop him but he was having none of it and just went for the door. He almost got away when two nurses stopped him. The worker from social services was really very angry at the way it was all handled, we were just too traumatised, when we got home we both just cried and hugged our other two children. It was at that time we turned our anger into doing other things, to be more focused for one thing, and try to help our two other children get over this.

We got involved with voluntary group’s, one was "Circles", a group that is for the learning disabled. It was to forge friends among similar like families to give help and support not only for afflicted but to the carers, a sort of an enabler, if say a lift was needed, or your family member wanted to go out but you were unwell, or just simply needed a break, you'd call each other up to see who could help. Also one of the objects of the group was to build confidence in strangers for their family member. Anybody that was wanting to get involved was SCRO checked.

When my youngest was diagnosed and in hospital we then got involved with "Little Wing", a Forum of other mental health groups in our area, and for users and carers. It is supported by Tayside NHS and has now got a grant for an internet radio station dedicated to mental health from the Scottish Executive. It was set up to give support to any who required help, for whatever reason, to make inquiries, or just to help with a letter to the health board. We actually had a Dr on the Board and I think they still do, she is in community health and a lead clinician. We used the services ourselves when we realised that our son was becoming "entrapped in a system he didn't belong, due to lack of facilities and resources. Being part of this group became our reason to hold onto hope. The development worker, "Ron Lindsay" got personally involved by helping with our letters etc; We only gave it all up 2 years ago, due to physical health problems and demands of family commitments, (And age).

One good thing to come out of it all is it made us all closer as a family unit, including our youngest. While he was in the State hospital, it gave us a much needed break and the good that came from him being in there was the State hospital is not post code lottery (the money comes from the state)for medications etc; including anger management, drug and alcohol rehabilitation. We were shown a video on Clozaril given information on side affects. Within six weeks our son was ready to be transferred back to Tayside but those six weeks turned into years all because of the Noel Ruddle case that the "Sun" highlighted.

Noel Ruddle an ex SAS who served in the first gulf war, and had claimed insanity after a double murder. He had thought it would be a softer option than prison for gunning down his wife and lover in the street in broad daylight.  

 After being in the State hospital for a few years he made an application to be rehabilitated into the community, but his application was turned down by the Government and was deemed too dangerous. He tried another couple of times and was still denied. He then went to the court of human rights and made a sensational claim, and in that claim he told the truth that was, he never was or ever had been insane at the time of the shootings. The result was that Human rights ruled; had he stayed with the original charge, he would have been free and was freed. The result was that patients like my son became "entrapped" because of the "Sun's" campaign following the story.

Fighting to help patients "entrapped" like our son, we also reversed the knee-jerk reaction to emergency measures put in place by the Government following the Noel Ruddle case, and a whole lot of other issues. This made us feel good about ourselves, by getting it aired again and making changes to the "New Scottish Mental Health Bill". It gave us a sense of pride having achieved something so huge. We couldn't believe it, we went into it to just get justice for our son and others like him, and managed to make changes that had so many wider implications to the good, but we are glad it's al over. Lucille