Georgina's site:  www.georginawakefield.com

 ‘THERE IS NO SUBSTITUTE’

For years I have tried to find ways to bring others into the world of a carer by displaying family photo’s reading the work from my books now that South Essex Partnership have agreed to help me to provide a service for carers that will help them to cope, we are developing ‘CASS’  carers a simple solution, which will help carers to deal with their role a little better and also help them to understand the complexities of illness’s like schizophrenia I believe that we can help to relieve at least some of the tension between carers and cared for, I wrote this poem to try to explain that although I have met many excellent professionals carers share an empathy that is almost tang able, I hope this explains it

It has helped me to write because I have lost count of the times I have thought if only I could make you understand I can’t but words do help and hopefully these will.

‘THERE IS NO SUBSTITUTE’

THERE’S NO SUBSITUTE FOR EMPATHY

PLEASE TRY TO SHARE MY VIEWS

IF ONLY YOU COULD PUT THEM ON

AND WALK A MILE IN A CARERS SHOES

THERE’S NO SUBSTITUTE FOR KNOWING

THAT SOMEONE ELSE HAS WALKED YOUR ROAD

LIKE YOU THEY’VE CRIED A MILLION TEARS

ON THEIR BACKS A HEAVY LOAD

I’M AWARE HOW HARD YOU’VE TRIED TO LEARN

WHAT IT TAKES TO BE HIS NURSE

BUT I CAN’T CONVEY THE ONSLAUGHT

THAT’S PART AND PARCEL OF THIS CURSE

I CANNOT HELP YOU UNDERSTAND

WHAT ITS LIKE TO SHARE THIS PLIGHT

DO YOU SEE THE PAINFUL SHACKLES?

WITHIN ANOTHER CARERS SIGHT

I KNOW YOU DO YOUR LEVEL BEST

TO ASSIST US ON OUR ROUTE

BUT WHEN IF COMES TO SHARING EMPATHY

THERE IS NO SUBSTITUTE

And now for the other side of the coin If Only how many times do we all say that for carers its if only this hadn’t happened and for cpn’s I feel sure its if only I had chosen a different career, during Christians illness I have often been amazed when I have been unable to calm him down when his thoughts or emotions were getting him down and yet a 5 minute talk to a cpn and he was ok again, I have thought if only I was not so emotionally involved but that is the carers role, this one is to help carers to see this from the professional’s perspective  ‘IF ONLY’

If Only

IF ONLY I COULD WALK A MILE, IN YOUR NURSES WELL WORN SHOES

IF I COULD LEARN WHAT SHE’S BEEN TAUGHT, PRAP’S I WOULDN’T SEARCH FOR CLUES

TO FIND NEW WAYS TO HELP YOU COPE’ WITH AN ILLNESS THAT’S SO TRAGIC

AND YET A SHORT TIME SPENT WITH HER SO OFTEN WORKS LIKE MAGIC

IF ONLY I COULD BORROW HER PROTECTIVE SUIT OF ARMOUR

I’D PUT IT ON ONCE IN A WHILE’ TO HELP ME TO REMAIN CALMER

BUT SHE’S YOUR NURSE AND I’M YOUR MUM

AND IF AT TIMES WERE MOANY

OUR THOUGHTS ARE RUNNING PARELLEL

‘IF ONLY GOD IF ONLY’

I can vividly remember the impact  that a professionals attitude  used to have on me, so what I have done is give 2 examples in each case the words that were used would go around in my head all day, a professionals attitude can predict what sort of day a carer can have this first poem is the right way to do things positivity providing the key.

This one refers to conversations I had with Ian Beatty who worked at Weymarks during Christians 2 and a half year stay.

 ‘SEEING THE LIGHT’

I FEEL SURE THAT CHRIS WILL MAKE IT’ I CLING ON TO WHAT YOU SAY

SWEET MUSIC TO MY GRATEFUL EARS’ IF YOU KNEW HOW HARD I PRAY

I CAN SEE HIM IN HIS OWN FLAT’ AND I FEEL SURE HE’LL WORK ONE DAY

MAYBE ONLY PART TIME’ I FIND THE WORDS AND SAY

YOU DON’Y KNOW WHAT THAT MEANS TO ME’ YOU ALWAYS GIVE ME HOPE

OTHERS STEAL IT FROM ME’ THEN I FIND IT HARD TO COPE

YOUR WORDS GIVE ME THE REASON’ TO FIGHT ANOTHER DAY

THROUGH THE MAZE OF SCHIZOPHRENIA’ A FEW WORDS SHOW ME THE WAY

TO MAKE IT TO THE EXIT’ TILL I SEE THE END IN SIGHT

THROUGH YOUR CONFIDENT POSITIVITY,  I FINALLY SEE THE LIGHT

And now for the other side of the coin and how a negative attitude can work completely in reverse, this day was mapped out for me by a few negative and unfeeling words this is the wrong way, this work is based on a conversation between me and a support worker when Chris was in Weymarks

 ‘HOPE’S NOT YOURS TO STEAL’

HE’S REFUSING TO GO TO THE DAY CENTRE

HE DOES’NT SEEM TO WANT TO JOIN IN

BUT HE FIGHTS A LOSING BATTLE

A BATTLE THAT HE WON’T EVER WIN

‘But  it makes him more depressed to go

so what is the point in that?

WAVES OF FRUSTRATION POUR OVER ME

MY VOICE SOUNDS DEPLETED AND FLAT

WELL ONE DAY HE’LL HAVE TO ACCEPT IT

HE’LL GET SO SICK OF BEING ALONE

LIKE ALL OF THE REST HE’LL GO ALONG

DOES THEM GOOD TO GET OUT OF THE HOME

At this point I see into his future, His dark hair has now turned grey

He’s there just as she predicted, On a cold wet miserable day

My hand shakes as I put the phone down, I don’t need her negativity

I compose myself and ring her back, How do I make her see

‘I thought you were there to support me, but  your not a psychiatrist

Only god can predict my son’s future,  Very slowly she’s getting my gist

I DIDN’T MEAN TO UPSET YOU

BUT HE RELIES FAR TOO MUCH ON YOU

WE REACH A STRAINED AGREEMENT

I’M AWARE WHAT SHE’S SAYING IS TRUE

THE MORAL OF THIS STORY? IS TO HELP A CARER TO COPE

DON’T SUGGEST WE LOOK INTO HIS  FUTURE, THAT ONLY STEALS OUR HOPE

FOR CARERS THAT’S TOO HARD A CALL’ BECAUSE HOPE PREDICTS HOW WE FEEL

ITS TAKEN US YEARS TO PRESERVE IT’ ITS OURS AND ITS NOT YOURS TO STEAL

The magic wand is to help carers to see a professionals point of view and how hard it can be to make carers understand that there is not a magic wand.

‘THE MAGIC WAND’

I CANNOT WAVE A MAGIC WAND

TO MAKE THIS GO AWAY

I KNOW HOW HARD YOUR LIFE IS

I KNOW HOW HARD YOU PRAY

IF ONLY THAY COULD MAKE ONE

A FREE FROM SIDE AFFECT PILL

YES I KNOW HE STILL HEARS VOICES

AND HOW THEY PLAGUE HIM STILL

BUT I DON’T HAVE ALL THE ANSWERS

TO YOUR DEMANDING QUESTIONS

I DO MY BEST TO HELP YOUR PAIN

I COME UP WITH SUGGESTIONS

I KNOW HOW MUCH YOUR HEART

 ACHES FOR THAT VIBRANT SON YOU HAD

AT TIMES I FEEL SO USELESS

WHEN I SEE YOU LOOKING SAD

THIS ROAD IS HARD FOR ALL THOSE

WHO SHARE THIS COMMON BOND

BUT CARER TRY TO UNDERSTAND

THERE IS NO MAGIC WAND

Why do some people become so territorial? There ‘s no need for it we are all in this together, a while ago I was training at the IOP and it suddenly occurred to me that Chris had an appointment with a lady who runs the befriending service for Thurrock Mind, somehow I knew that he had forgot when I rang my home he was there , I told him to go back to his flat as she would be making a pointless journey I can say in all honesty that I did this purely to help her as I know how busy these people can be, when I rang to let her know she said ‘can you tell me why you are getting involved in this?, her attitude was carer back off this is my domain to this day I can’t understand why.  this next poem explains .

‘OWNERSHIP AND TERRITORY’

DON’T SEE HIM AS YOUR CLIENT,HE’S NOT YOUR PROPERTY

HE’S WON’T LET ANYBODY OWN HIS,  SPIRIT YOUNG AND FREE

LOOK BEYOND THIS SITUATION, HE’S NOT MINE OR YOURS TO OWN

FROM THE SECOND HE WAS BORN, I’VE BEEN AWARE THAT HE’S ON LOAN

A CARERS LIFE IS HARD, WE DO NOT NEED MORE HURT

BUT YOU SEE ME AS YOUR ENEMY, YOUR ATTITUDE IS CURT

WHAT MAKES YOU TERRITORIAL? WHY CAN’T I MAKE YOU SEE, THAT HE DOES NOT BELONG TO YOU ANYMORE THAN HE BELONGS TO ME.          Georgina Wakefield