My Soul Mate

You are my soul mate,
And I know that it is true
Even though you purposely
Infected me with the flu.

I remember the day we married.
We said, "'Till death do we part."
I love you even though though you plunged that
Wooden stake right through my heart.

I know that I embarrassed you
That time back on the boat,
But why should that be a reason
For you to slit my throat?

You are my true-blue soul mate,
And everything will be fine.
So please don't put that arsenic
Into this food of mine.

I am sorry about the time
I pulled out all your hair.
So would you please release me
From this electric chair?

I tried to defend you
From that other person's improper pass.
I didn't know you liked it,
So please don't release that cyanide gas.

I'm sorry that I've given you
A lot of stress and strife.
And I also ask you
To please put down that knife.

I apologize for the time
I lost you in the fog.
I'm asking you politely.
Please don't release that pit bull dog.

I admit I'm not a perfect spouse.
I've done some things I dread.
But I hope that you'll forgive me,
Despite that hatchet flying toward my head.

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