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My Story 
Some Interesting Facts 
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My Story
“two roads diverged in a wood,
and I, I took the one less travelled by,
and that had made all the difference”
Robert Frost
How shall I describe myself? I am 38 years old. I have learnt many lessons over the years, and count myself among those lucky enough to be able to carry on postively no matter what life throws in my way. Between my fiance and I, we have five beautiful children (aged 13, 8, 8, 6 and 3). I am learning to be a complete person again.
I am different - as well as differently-abled (I was born with hip dysplasia, have undergone 45 operations - not all on the hip though and have had two total hip replacements), and I am a survivor of child abuse.
This is my story.
At fourteen months I was diagnosed with Congenital Hip Dysplasia. When this disorder is diagnosed this late, the prognosis is not good. Along with the pain of osteoarthritis from the age of 12 or 13 and the long term effects of all the medication I have had to take, I have endured 44 operations, the vast majority on my hip.
When I was seven years old, my parents divorced.
1981 was the year my life changed dramatically. Suddenly things that had always been a normal part of our lives, like friends and a social life, our extended family were being taken away from us. As in most cases of abuse, I realise know that this was a form of control. Then the emotional abuse began. Once this had begun the progression to the sexual abuse was rapid.
I have had intensive psychological and spiritual therapy. Most of my therapy involved coming to terms with myself. My feelings My self-worth. My inner strength. Today, looking back I would say two things have got me through all these things. Firstly, a strong belief and faith in my God and secondly an optimistic outlook that I (with my faith in place) can overcome anything.
Healing is not a linear progression and my healing jumped (and still jumps) from one phase to another. After 13 years of marriage I had to face the fact that I had allowed myself to be pulled into another abusive relationship - even worse that my children had suffered because of my inability to face that fact, or get out before they too were affected by his abuses. And so began another road to recovery...
But today, I can say I am no longer a victim of abuse, am a survivor? No, I do not want to survive. It's all in attitude - you chose to remain a victim or you choose to "survive" or rather "endure", or you choose to overcome and move on.
In the bible in John Chapter 10 verse 10 Jesus says "I have come that they may have life, and have it to the full." Now, you may not be a Christian or even believe in any god at all, but I think that having life to the full is what conquering is all about.
I am what I was meant to be. I face each day anew - with joy and hope. I grab each opportunity with a love for life I once thought impossible.
Today, I begin my journey of service. Giving back some of what I have received. I would never wish on anyone the journey I have walked, but the rewards of recovery are a blessing I shall cherish forever.
i am
more than
writing on the wall
my best behaviour
my weakest link
i am
more than
self-centred
egotistical
the sum of my success
a portrait of my failures
i am more than
my body – alone
my mind – separated
my soul – disconnected
i am
uniquely
me
I wish you light and love. I wish you serenity.
Celeste
Some Interesting Facts
It is estimated that children with disabilities are 4 to 10 times more vulnerable to sexual abuse than their non-disabled peers.
Long term effects of child abuse include fear, anxiety, depression, anger, hostility, inappropriate sexual behavior, poor self esteem, tendency toward substance abuse and difficulty with close relationships.
Source: Browne & Finkelhor, 1986.
Clinical findings of adult victims of sexual abuse include problems in interpersonal relationships associated with an underlying mistrust. Generally, adult victims of incest have a severely strained relationship with their parents that is marked by feelings of mistrust, fear, ambivalence, hatred, and betrayal. These feelings may extend to all family members.
Source: Tsai and Wagner, 1978.
Guilt is universally experienced by almost all victims. Courtois and
Source: Tsai and Wagner, l978.
There is the clinical assumption that children who feel compelled to keep sexual abuse a secret suffer greater psychic distress than victims who disclose the secret and receive assistance and support.
Source: Finkelhor & Browne, 1986.
Young girls who are forced to have sex are three times more likely to develop psychiatric disorders or abuse alcohol and drugs in adulthood, than girls who are not sexually abused. Sexual abuse was also more strongly linked with substance abuse than with psychiatric disorders. It was also suggested that sexual abuse may lead some girls to become sexually active at an earlier age and seek out older boyfriends who might, in turn, introduce them to drugs. Psychiatric disorders were from 2.6 to 3.3 times more common among women whose CSA included intercourse, and the risk of substance abuse was increased more than fourfold, according to the results. Family factors -- parental education, parenting behavior, family financial status, church attendance -- had little impact on the prevalence of psychiatric or substance abuse disorders among these women, the investigators observe. Similarly, parental psychopathology did not predict the association between CSA and later psychopathology.
Source: Kenneth S. Kendler, M.D., et al,
Happy?
Courage is resistance to fear,
mastery of fear -- not absence of fear.
Mark Twain