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May 21,2009 - Thank You Panda Express. :)
During March, I opened a fortune cookie that contained a message saying that next month would be my lucky month. I really was hoping my life would get better during April because I was still depressed over my first break–up that ended during December. *thinking of Sheryl Crow’s song “the first cut is the deepest”* Well that fortune cookie message came true because I finally got over my ex-boyfriend. In those four months (including April), I had to small hope that he would come back but I finally realize he’s not worth it anymore. I have really evolved from my break-up. For one, I’m not incredibly shy anymore. I used to have a fear of talking to new people but now I ask random classmates about what might be on the physio midterm, or saying good luck to the random girl next to me during the physio final. I thought losing my ex would put me into depression and make me isolated from the world but instead I gained more confident. And I didn’t think I would love again because I saw my ex as the one I was hoping to be with. But during April, I had a huge crush with not only one guy in my class, but two guys in two different classes. You would think I would be too shy to talk to them but nope! I got to talk to both of them one-on-one. Awesome guys. *sigh* Too bad the semester is over. I won’t get to see either of them. :( *cries* They’re so cute! I don’t have a chance with any of them but a girl can dream. One guy has a girlfriend and other guy….we’re better off friends. I hope I see them next semester but there are thirty-thousand students that attend SJSU. So it seems impossible to see them again if we don’t have class together. And this includes my nursing major friends I met in physio. I love my nursing friends! But next semester, I’m taking a bunch of nutrition classes. :( *sigh* ----------------------
April 8,2009 - Family of Bad Vibes
Icon by always_muneca.I live in a family of bad vibes. My dad has a huge anger problem which he used to dump on to my little brother and me as children. But now that we're grown up, He transferred the anger to my mom. My dad throws his verbal abuse on to my mom almost two or more times a week. Its put a lot of stress on my mom. Also she get the abuse from my brother and sometimes me. My brother get pretty pissed when she cleans his room. She threw away his ex-girlfriend's balloon and he yelled at her about it. So I can understand when she will dump her anger on me somethings. Like last Friday, I told her that dad went to his friends house and will be back home at 8pm. She thought I said that she had to drive him to his friend's house at 8pm. She got so mad and screamed at me about it. I told her she misinterpret my words, apologized and made sure next time to tell her clearly what was going on, but she was still mad at me. In the middle of her yelling, I think about how I should not yell back at her about she deal with so much already and I should apologize so I wouldn't aggravate the situation any further.
I'm trying to change my bad-tempered attitude by thinking about Jason Mraz. After reading some on his blog entries, I want to be as chill as him. I have to be straight with you, I'm not a very nice person on the inside. I always seem to think about doing the worst things to people. Especially to a guy you might know. Punch them in the face, trip them, throw rocks at them (or if I'm in the library, books), push them down, call them an asshole, cussing at them, etc. I also noticed that I'm mostly cranky in the morning. Almost anything my mom says in the morning in the car, I automatically replied with a sarcastic remark. For example, Mom: "Remember to have your books with you at all times". Me: "Yeah mom like I'm going to forget 11 pounds weighing down my shoulder". But I can keep it all in my head and go about me day. But bottling it all up put stress on my mind, so I try exercising everyday, be courtesy to everyone around me, hang out and talk with friends from class. Its a stress-reliever. If all else fail, press play on my ipod and listen to Jason Mraz sing "Geek in the Pink" and "Make it Mine". Yep, this is how I keep myself sane.
This family harbors a lot of bad vibes. I seem to always blame my dad for it because we seem to internalize the reaction to any situation by yelling and blaming the other person. I realized that I can only blame myself for my actions. Being aware of my action will be one step closer controlling my bad attitude and to being a better person. I want people to know that I'm the nicest and happiest person they've known.
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April 7,2009 - Favorite Live video and "You And I Both" video
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April 6,2009 (12:00am) - Bleh Physio!
I spend the whole day not studying for physio! Yay! Instead I make a new layout! I did like my last one more but I felt like converting to Jason Mraz. I'll convert back when John Mayer comes out with a new cd. I editted the wishlist but deleted some things. I editted my about me. It still pretty small but I'll add to it eventually. I'll make a photo section but its going to lead to my photobucket for now. Ok...So....umm....enjoy this picture of Jason Mraz sleeping . 
Actually, I need some sleep right now, night!
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April 5,2009 - Long Time No See, Webbie!
Well after a year my brother's girlfriend official broke up with him (or was it the other way around?). I know how it feels to really lose that one person you truly love and knowing that you can't spend the rest of your life with him (or her). Its been 3 months and I still can't get over him. And I really want to get over him! I'm friends with him but is it right to still be talking to him. I mean I could be ruining his life by still talking to him. What happens if he has a new girlfriend? But I don't want to lose contact with him because he's a great friend. I've said this before and I'll say it again, I hate losing friends. I felt lonely after losing two friends (I felt like I lost Dorothy and Matt *imagining Kara's punch in the arm* Ouch.). But I'm grateful I still have Tivonne, Kara and Nicole helping me through this and accepted me in their inner circle. Now I'll do anything to protect my friendship from ever shattering. What else is helping me through my break up even after 3 months? Jason Mraz. Turns out Nicole is a huge fan and Tivonne likes his music too. I've started listening to his old music and I love them! I read his blogs on his website and watched his live concert through Youtube. Now I'm in LOVE with Jason Mraz. I love him so much I totally sing my heart out to him (even when I'm walking around...silently, don't want to look crazy). I love his whole hippie carefree vibe. If I could be like him; his happiness is so infectious! And I'm trying to change my grumpy attitude. His music has helped me a lot, emotionally. Thank you, Jason Mraz, you're the greatest musician ever.Anyways, My birthday is coming up and I've been talking about it a lot. I've only planned out the date, May 24th. What's been hanging on my mind was if I should invite Matt? I know, its a bad idea but he's my friend. I decided not to b/c my parents hate him and Kara hate him too. Too bad I guess. I also plan to cook food for my b-day instead of buying pizza. I can cook risotto! I'm going to try to make risotto cakes. And then maybe Pesto (too easy). Anyways I'm going to go study and update my wishlist. Sea ya my rarely seen webbie.
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January 1,2009 - Lost too much
After 2 month and 3 weeks. I lost my first love. He broke up with me because I wasn't compatible for him and he lost feeling for me. Shit! Deep down, I really want him back. I really wanted someone to kiss after the ball dropped. I want him to be there to cuddle me. I can't stop talking to him because I still want him to be my friend. Can't stop thinking about him. He was my friend of 5 and half years, it hard to let that go. I already lost Dorothy and even after all of this relationship craziness, I miss talking to her. She was fun and it hurts so much to be shunned by your former best friend. She blocked and deleted me from facebook and myspace. I really want to know what's up with her life. I have to say, I was glad to leave the POLS class that I was taking with Dorothy because I hated that she was shunning me from everything. I thought she would bring me down but I got an A in that class so booyaa! But now I'm losing two best friends. Even though I can still talk to Matt, he is being REALLY distant from me even as a friend. They have to be so "heartless" as Kanye West would say. I don't think things will be as great as they did back in high school. I remember Matt saying he loved college more than high school. I have to say I love high school more because I finally had a group of friends that I didn't lose within a semester or a year. We had fun, we were happy, we had great memories and we were still friends after high school. Greatest time of my life ever! Probably will be better than my 21st year in the future. Matt achieved happiness before 21. I feel like I'm going downhill. I'm glad to still have some of my friends that keep me from hitting rock bottom, which is like depression and suicide for me. "So you walk around like you don't know me, You got a new friend, Well I got homies, But in the end it's still so lonely" (yeah more Kanye West)
After the break up, I cried a little and went to sleep. I woke up 5:30am and cried a lot. I ran outside my house but stopped at the driveway. I really wanted to see the sunrise at quarrey lakes but it was too far and too cold to walk there. So I just stood there, thinking at my life. How can I achieve happiness now? Its really hard to get over him and now I'll never see him. I was so happy, but now I feel dead inside. I still remember that smell that came off of him when we were together. I miss it so much. And then I went shopping Sunday, but as much money as I spend, nothing can fix my shattered heart. But shopping helped my mind focused on other things and sometimes it remind of things. I've been playing rock band and guitar hero to help to focus on other things. He took away my heart and my happiness, but I'm grateful he didn't take my virginity.
I have a job now. I'm going to be working at the Spartan Bookstore during spring semester. But I've lost that confident I had when I had a boyfriend. But really, I can overcome this, its all in the mind. Having a job is a step forward to independence..bleh..Ok,I just want some money and some experience. I'm surprised that they hired me; I didn't think my volunteer Nursing Assistant work experience was going to help.
Last half of 2008 was the worst ever. Lost my auntie to a shooting in San Jose leaving my 2-year-old cousin as an orphan and lost two best friends in this relationship. I can't bare anymore. Please be good to me, 2009! I worked so hard.
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November 8,2008 - Late Update
-- I started dating Matt (Oct 4th)Okay thats my relationship milestones in a nutshell. Nicole's party yesterday was fun! My cheeks ache from all the laughter. I think everyone will remember the part where i took all the stuffed animals I could grab a hold of and made them hump Matt's chest. haha! And it was nice to finally snuggle with him at the hotel at the end of the day. The weird thing was that he was snoring b/c he doesn't always do that. Oh and i remember when Nicole and Tivonne were figuring out the seatbelt in the back of Matt's car. Crazy back there! ROFL. Oh and I saw Dorothy at the mall. Really Awkward.
Confident
I noticed lately that my confident has really gotten better. I speak up more than I use to. I think having a boyfriend mentally help me outcome some of my shyness issues. But making friends is still a working progress. Today, I went to a study group and I got to know some people in my Biochem group. Thats progress to me. Anyways, I say "Hi" to people in class and on campus when I see someone familiar more than I use to in the past. I usually am silent and maybe look tired or unhappy. Somehow I developed confidence in myself. I talk more in a group in class. Just overall I speak my mind more.
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October 2,2008 - Cash Mon-ey!
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September 30,2008 - Aww, Are you offended? Deal with it!
(icon by andune_85) ----------------------
September 28,2008 - Crazy in love
(icon by mon_hantise72)
---------------------- August 2,2008 - Breaking Dawn
Ok so I wanted to put this sign up b/c I made it and I love it and going to spend some time reading "breaking dawn". Aww man I have to exercise....
---------------------- July 23,2008 - People read my stuff? Just found out Dorothy and Tivonne read my blog slash diary. I thought my webbie was going to sit here and rot. I only post stuff here when I have this weird urge to write something on my website. I wrote that last post without reading it over thinking no one really read this stuff. Who want to read a blog written by a grammar-less crazy person, right? Yeah I'm too lazy to read my own stuff over before posting it, but I just edited it today. Twilight/The Host rant: ---------------------- July 20,2008 - adayinalifeofalbert'sbigsister
Last Night, he talked about my major in nutrition and how my future career is going to benefit people in the future. And when I woke up today, I realized that my little bro is looking up to me. Mostly because he couldn't decide on a path to take in college. He's interested in being a photographer but he know it isn't financially stability kind of job. He looked up to me because I was committed to a career that made money and that made a real difference in people's life. I always thought he would turn out to be a business man or a career that requires math because he's a math wiz. Maybe an accountant. But he probably wants a more exciting job.
Anyway, I glad my brother's attitude change, I hope he stick with his girlfriend, Jenny, for a little longer. I would hate to see his heartbreak. And I fear him reverting back to he's grumpy state. I really like talking to him because we used to do that when we were in elementary school. We would talk non-stop across our room when we were kids at night. My dad would get so annoyed that we were talking so loud that he would bring out the whipping stick to scare us to sleep. LOL, good times.
Oh when he was little, he was a clinger, the days when he loved being around me. I remember I couldn't go to my friend's house for a sleepover or a birthday because my little brother hated to be alone. Once, I went to my 5th grade end-of-the-year sleepover at school. My mom told me my little brother cried all night because I wasn't there. Hehe funny little things he did as a baby. I really miss that.
You know what's weird about his girlfriend is that she has similar taste in music as me. We also gave the same comment about Albert's t-shirts. I swear Jenny could be a prettier version of me. But probably isn't true! We probably have differences, I just haven't really investigated yet.
As annoying, grumpy, spoiled as my little brother can be, I still love him and I was never sure if he could say that same to me. He encourages me to do things I never would have done. Like leaving the home or staying out late when I fearing my mom would get mad. He says that I'm an adult now and mom should really let go of the restictions. (Matt helped me with that too) He turned me on to the world of video games as a kids, and the Nintendo 64 was our favorite passtime. I wouldn't have imagined that I would like Linkin park or Blink-182 until Albert bought the CD. My brother had the courage I didn't have in myself. Its strange to think a little brother can do that. I remember him saying as a kid that he wanted a big brother instead of a sister like me. But its wasn't the opposite for me, I never wanted a younger or older sister. I like having a little brother. Even when he's angry storm cloud about my head, I never EVER wished for a better sibling than my little brother, Albert. I never wished for an extra sibling either. It would just ruin that whole family structure. Thank god my mom stopped having kids. I love my one and only brother.
---------------------- July 4,2008 - New Moon, Idaho and Pasco
So yeah, It's July fourth. Every year when I come to Pasco on July Fourth, we all watching the public fireworks out at the river. It's getting kind of boring to watch and very loud but I don't mind. Most of my July fourths are boring. But a vacation is a vacation. And I might be my last vacation since gas prices are going to be insane next year.
June 30 though July 2, We went to Idaho. First day in Idaho we went to this rock treasuring hunting thing. I didn't like it b/c it was SOO HOT, and finding small dark purple rocks takes a lot of work. After, we slept in a casino/hotel. I'm like ONE YEAR away from legally using on those machine (i actually wouldn't play anyways, but i like to be able to have a chance). And the hotel has a buffet and I kind of love/hate relationship with buffets. I love that I can eat what ever I want, but I hate that I get full too quickly. My mom hates that I eat too little in buffet since it cost 16 buck a person.
When we came back to Pasco, everything get kind of boring-ish but I did get to go the SONIC they have here. YAY, i don't have to go to Tracy! I bought strawberry&banana smoothie and a sonic burger. SOO GOOD.
Okay so thats my vacation in a nutshell. MAN, I'm really going to miss it here when we go back to California. :/
---------------------- June 21,2008 - Twilight
Oh and I heard about the Twilight movie coming out in December (6 more month GAH!!). Robert Pattison who plays "Edward Cullen" is totally hot. I recognized him from the Harry Potter movie. He's british and he's going to talking in an American accent. ---------------------- May 2,2008 - Purse Story ----------------------
April 13,2008 *sigh* I have so much
studying to do, I have a midterm this week, next week and a week after
that. I won't have time to go out until May 3rd. Man, that sucks.
---------------------- April 12,2008 If you want to use one of my
graphics email me dolover@gmail.com(never mind I don't feel like sharing anymore)
OMG I just saw my grandma in my house (rarely happens) and she told me to exercise because I was so fat. I'm so embarrassed.
(icon by hobbitofkobol)
**I just added a Visitor counter below the comment box. I chose a guitar b/c it fit the John Mayer theme which I won't really change. Like my icon? Its from "Dr. Horrible sing-along blog" which isn't online anymore (you have to buy it from itunes). I checked. :(
UPDATES:
twilight lookups & siggy (GRAPX)
twilight icons (ICONS)
Visitor counter (below the comment box)
Oh yeah, I finally finished reading all three Twilight book and I'm waiting for the release of the fourth book. I jumped on the "tween" train and obsessed over a movie that hasn't came out. On neopets, I'm totally tried of every little tween talking about loving edward cullen or post "Edward vs. Jacob" threads. But I find myself talking to them. My graphics on twilight has gotten overboard. I can't make anything but twilight movie graphics. I started to read The Host by the same author, because I'm stuck in my house all summer and I have to wait for the 4th book. I've read the first 100 pages and it's BOOOORING. But people on iRead said it get better in the middle and end. Yeah I feel like return this book right away. Ok, done ranting in my blog slash diary. Thanks for reading you guys. *hugs* ^_^
So yesterday I told my little brother that he's been more mellow than usual. He joked about smoking weed but I was like "no it's not that". Even since he started having a girlfriend, Albert's been really nice to me. That hasn't happened in a long time. I mean Albert has been so mean to me as a brother for so long, I expected him to be grumpy all the time. He's only grumpy when I interrupt him during his online games but that also happens to me when my mom interrupts me during my toontown mode. However, now that he has a girlfriend, he says "sorry" and "thank you", he talks to me like a friend and not an enemy, he's a little more patient, etc. I used to kinda hate him because he's spoiled and mean.
I just finished "New Moon". I was expecting more Edward but at least I get to know Jacob Black. I can't wait to read "Ecilpse" because there's conflict between the vampires and werewolves. I love the ending of "New Moon", I'm so happy that Edward is back and still loves Bella. I want to read more of that in the next book. Okay, I blabbling like the fan girl I am. You know..Jacob Black reminds me of my family friend Nick, who I visited here in Pasco, WA. (they have dark-tan skin, tall and young, It just reminds me of Nick) I starting to talk about anything with him now, which is cool because we never get to do that in the pass vacations. Nick usually talks to my brother most of the time, but since my brother is always on the phone with his gf, he's talking to me. At least I someone to talk to that understands me and not like the little kids I'm always surrounded by when i come here (the kids are cool though; fun to talk and hang out with). Its like when Bella lost Edward and she needed a friend to talk to relieve that pain, you know? But it's kind of hard for me to hold a conversation b/c i run out of things to talk about. Seriously, I always draw blanks. Last night, Nick came to my room to talk and we talk for less than half an hour, I think. I just couldn't think of thing to chat about. DAM. So yeah, I need to get to know Nick and Elizabeth more. It's so weird I rarely get to personally to know them when I come here.
Second day and Third day we when to a indoor waterpark. The hotel is unbelievely nice. It has everything I wanted. They have desktop computer sitting around the hotel. I spent all night on the internet and there was a thunderstorm that night too. Its MINDBLOWING when I see rain during the middle of summer. Anyways, The waterpark was totally awesome! A lot more fun than raging water. Oh god, I'm going to miss those waterslides. We went to the waterpark twice (tuesday afternoon and wednesday early afternoon).
Man, I just got addicted to reading Twilight. My mom wanted me to read over the summer and every summer in the past, I never read and let my brain rot. I kept hearing for the people on the neopet forum talking about how good the Twilight series was. I decided why not try reading it. When I went to Border's, I felt embarrassed that I was picking up a teen book when I obviously should be reading classic books or something more advance. But I was really unmotivated to read so why not start on something easy. I'm surprised that the book's pretty thick but I noticed the lines more spaced out then the one I've seen on my textbooks. I was thinking, "so typical for teens books, I guess thats why it's so thick". I didn't start reading the book until a week later. It's really addicted because the romantic was so intense in the book. I felt I was having an orgasm reading through that whole book. It's that sexually to me. hehe. So Thursday I went to Border's to buy the Second book and I'm saving that for my long drive to "Washington state" (NOT washington dc).
That's sexy ^_^
OMG, finally a weekend where I'm not studying for the next big exam. I do have an english final next Saturday the 10th but i'll put off rereviewing the grammar rule until next time.
Oh and I LOST MY PURSE TODAY! I went on extreme PANIC MODE and asked random people of they have seen my purse. I know they hadn't seen my purse, its was my first reaction to my situation. So I went to a police officer at the MLK library to file a missing items report. I thanked him a hundred times for helping me and I kept blabbing about never seeing my purse ever again. Worst of all is I file the report when I have 10 minutes to get to class. So I got to class 12 mintues late. I didn't concentrate on anything my professor was saying. I was going to tell her that I couldn't print out my final draft of my paper but I decided to not bring her into my stupid situation. I just turned in my semi-edited draft which I spent 1:30am to finish. (dam my lazyness) I had an In-class essay today; since I was so focused on my missing purse which has my cellphone, my ipod, my seventy dollar of cash, and all my personal information, I produced a bunch of crap on my paper. After I left the class, I went back to the scene of the crime and asked people in the advising department offices if they have a lost and found. It wasn't until I got to the Psychology department office that I FINALLY FOUND MY PURSE! I thanks her a million times. She told me "you have to be careful next time". I just smiled. it was something I didn't expect someone to say to me after handing my lost purse. Someone in the department must have been really kind-hearted to put it in the lost and found. The weirdier thing is that I didn't cry through this whole crazyness. I am so relieved that my purse is back. I need to sleep, this day has been like a roller coaster of emotion. I wanted to do something nice so I gave a hobo, who asked from change, a dollar. I had to get my Karma back in order somehow.
I finally updated everything and I made a
wishlist page too. (tivonne had one so I thought why not I have) My
graphic page has mostly neopet lookups and banners i have made in the
past. My lj icon page has been updated with more of the icons I've made
in the past. I'll hand out my birthday invitations around the beginning
of May. I decided to invite Eliana too; I have to call her soon.
I hate Pirates of the Carribean now. So I made
a new layout. It's been two year since I touched this site. I won't
really update it though. I put up more of my graphic in the GRAFX
section.
all the graphics display on this site is put together by me.
(some icons displayed on this page are by other lj user, just hover the
icon to see who make it)
I put all the graphics here for everyone to look at.
or
neomail inrepair
or
AIM:susaninrepair
...
