Oh, The Thinks You Can Think!

We are practising Elimination Communication (EC with our baby, T (Born November '06- shown here at 5 months). 

Also known as Natural Infant Hygiene (NIH), caregivers take responsibility for helping their baby
eliminate outside his clothing.

So, it's not for "people who like being peed on", the baby gets to pee and poop
in a potty (or toilet, etc). 

A baby is actually born toilet-trained, it is not their natural choice to pee on
themselves or their caregivers. 

Babies, even tiny babies, regularly (always?) signal their need to eliminate- whether anyone
notices it or not.  In time, they will get used to going in their nappies if not given the opportunity, and will stop signalling
the need to eliminate..

I never thought about it with my first babies- but there are loads of babies around the world
who never wear nappies!

When I first heard about EC (in pregnancy), I thought it was horrible... I thought parents should change nappies quickly (as soon as they are aware their baby is wet or dirty), and they should be happy to do so until a child its them know he'd like to wear underwear.

I dismissed the idea as a nasty (even competitive) ruse to get kids toilet-trained early.  Still, it kept popping up on natural parenting lists I read, and I eventually found a website www.bornpottytrained.com which completely changed my thinking.

There is nothing nasty about EC- it is natural, and gentle.  If a baby is born knowing when he needs to eliminate and not wanting to go on himself or his clothing/bedding...why on earth would I want to train him to do so,  only so that I could undo that training when he was nearly 2???  It seemed crazy to me, so I thought we would have to attempt it.

I read tonnes of info online, and heard of many, many accounts of babies living without nappies.  I thought it couldn't hurt to give it a go, but I recognised that (on the most part) all the people I had heard of doing EC had only one baby...I would be unschooling with 2 older children (8 and 4), and I wondered how well I would do with EC, or even if it were possible for such a distractable Mum as I.

I was excited about the possibilities...I purchased 2 packets of biodegradable "disposable" nappies, and a dozen cloth nappies (to add to the 6 I had kept from before).  I got lots of Baking Soda, Apple Cider Vinegar and Tea Tree Oil to wash them in, since I wanted to be as eco-friendly as possible.

I tried to remember, when purchasing baby clothing to not buy all-in-ones.  I figured even if EC didn;t work for us, I would still be changing nappies as soon as possible, as I had done with my first babies.  That way, at least, I was being responsive to my baby, and considerate to his needs.

Well, it wasn't a bad beginning- it was a beautiful beginning (see Birth Stories)...but the midwife put a disposable nappy on T, and I was too ecstatic/overwhelmed/exhausted, etc to question or comment.

As the first days went by, my dreams of a Nappy-Free baby seemed to be fading fast.  He seemed to pee *all the time* and most times he pooped as well...it seemed never-ending, and  I wondered how anyone could haver a nappy-free baby and clean house at the same time.

If T had no nappy on, and I saw him pee I said a 'cueing sound' ("sssss-pssss")...depending on timing, and whatever else was going on in the house,  I would also sometimes say, "You're peeing, sssss-pssss" or something similar.

I felt sad that I really had no idea when he was about to eliminate, and I wished I was a better mother- but just resigned myself to raising this baby as I had the others- as gently as I knew how.

The people I knew seemed to have expected this would be the end of things, and I wallowed in my washing...10-15 nappies a day.   I got in a good routine with them, and it wasn't that big a deal, but I had hoped for so much more.

On Day 15, on a bit of a whim really (I still have no idea why I decided to do it), I held T over the tub, said "Ssss-pssss" and he peed!  Not after a minute or 2 or 5...instantly!  Wow!

Maybe I *could* do this after all...

I caught around 5 pees and poops over the next 2 days, then T utterly refused to be put in the position to eliminate.  I didn't press it.  He had been quite an unhappy wee fellow initially- didn't like the carseat, the sling (Nature's Sway) or the bath, or lying down (he slept upright in our arms, or when fully asleep- on the couch).  I had simply found another thing he didn't like.  Again, I was sad that I hadn't been able to practise EC properly, but T always came first.

Just after 3 weeks, he became a much happier baby- the constant crying ceased, and we collectively held our breath hoping it might not be for just a day.  It wasn't- he came right...actually, he still had at least an hour a day where he was desperately unhappy until he was around 4 months old.  (Note: He was happier once he got mobile, but he didn't become a really happy baby until 6 months, when I eliminated Wheat and Dairy from my diet...see "Food Intolerances").

But the new-found happiness didn't mean T was keen on being held over the tub.   I tried every so often, but it just was not for him.

Around 4 weeks, I thought I could tell he needed to poop, so I (in a mad rush) found the bowl (more like a bowl with a handle) I had intended to use...put him on it, and said "sss-pss" (we hadn't at that stage decided to use different cueing sounds).  He pooped!  I was over the moon- I called to J and A (on the trampoline) to tell them about their clever baby brother.

What I didn't realise was that T always poos twice, lol, so I wore the second bit on my lap...but that didn't change a thing for me...I had seen he needed to go, tried it, and it worked!

I ordered an infant potty from Jungle Mama in Wellington   It arrived when T was 5 weeks old, and we had great success straight away. (I sat with the potty between my legs, T's back to my tummy).  Jungle Mama (Liz) also told me about the Oz (and NZ) EC Support Group...oznappyfree.

At this point, B (hubby/Daddy) was largely unware of what I was doing, and not really interested- thinking it was a little backward (lol).

Just before 6 weeks we went away, and I started catching every poo he did.  B's parents (Grandma and Poppy) thought it was brilliant their tiny grandson went on the potty.  They told others we were with, who immediately supposed it was all "Luck", and coincidental, but they assured the  nay-sayers that it was no such thing (they had seen it for themselves!).

On our last day, I had been using cloth nappies, but didn't want to take wet nappies home with us on the long drive...so T was in a "disposable"....I only had 2 left for the day...but we got home (after a 5 hour car-trip) with him in a dry "disposable"!

I saw that we were doing very well, and T was letting me know he needed to go- and I was noticing, despite being a busy Mum already.

I thought it was a bit silly of me to leave him in nappies, when he so obviously didn't really need them...also, I felt that while many Mums seem to find them great back-up... I personally found them too easy- it was just all too easy to *not* see to T when he needed to eliminate, but let him go in the nappy and change him right away.

I felt the best chance for me to really connect with T and help him do what he instinctively wanted to do (pee and poop outside his clothing) was to ditch nappies altogether.  B came to see me in the kitchen with T, trying to look subdued- but bursting with pride..."He peed on the potty for me"...it was his first ever attempt, and success!

The next day, I was incredulous- he was completely dry until 3pm.  We had visitors then, and I felt inexplicably sad to see a 2 and 1 year old in soggy plastic nappies.  I got busy preparing dinner, and the next 3 hours we had our visitors- T wet 7 (I kid you not) pairs of pants!  The difference was so huge, and I put it down to my being distracted, and Daddy still learning T's patterns/signals.  If it weren't for the fabulous morning we had had, I would have decided that nappy-free really was an impossibility for us...but so determined was I to continue...I decided Tommy would go to bed that night without a nappy.

We had a mattress protector on the bed, and he had been sleeping on a lambskin between us...I put an extra blanket on top of that, a nappy (folded 3 times) under him, one between his legs, and one on top to catch unexpected squirts.

It was hard that first night for me to click with T's elimination needs- but he was dry until 5am!  Then he wet 3 times before getting up.  Still, it had been on the waterproofing- so it wasn't a problem...and I realised that night (with elation) that it was a whole lot easier to put a baby on a potty than to fully wake him, remove his nappy, put a new one on (and often change it again since he peed right after the change), then need to feed him again.  I was still feeding him on the rocking chair then...and I was amazed first off to see I could get up, feed him, burp him,  put him on the potty, pop him back on his mat, empty the potty, rinse it out, go to the toilet myself, get a drink, and be back in bed in under 15 minutes!

I couldn't quite get my head around "no nappies" when we were out of the house, but at home- he has never worn one again.

When T was 10 weeks old, we went to Auntie J's for the day.  She laughed when I said I wasn't using cloth nappies...she assumed I had ditched them in favour of disposables.  But when I explained EC, she was incredulous.

She had traveled quite extensively, pre-children, and knew that African babies didn't have nappies.  She had wondered how it was possible, but not given it much thought when she had her own babies.

After watching Tommy, she got very excited.  He was in the same "disposable" nappy for the whole day- doing all his pees and poops on the potty.

The next day, I decided to try with no nappies.  I took him out with J & A to McDonald's, and around a mall (while our car was repaired).  T peed before we left, and while we were out (in a little margarine container we took in to the McDonald's toilets), and then again when we got home.

I began to feel more confident, but was still quite freaked at the thought of him peeing some place other than a potty while we were out.  It is quite different to being at home, where if he happens to wet, I can clean it (I catch every poo so don't worry about that).

One thing I have noticed- he doesn't seem to like to pee in different places.  Also, he won't pee while he's feeding, and the biggest bonus of all...he will not pee in the sling.

I went out to the local shops with T in the sling, with no nappies or training pants...all completely without incident.   I wouldn't trust him (or me, really) to go on the floor when we are out, without back-up.  It seems whenever he is rolling about the floor he can pee without me being aware he is trying to let me know he needs to go...I often assume he is annoyed at not getting somewhere, etc.

At 3 months, I bought tiny training pants that actually hold a pee (again from Jungle Mama).  I got him size 6-12 months, but they were actually fairly tight, since he is quite a big boy.  Now I can feel safe going out with those on, that even if he wets, it will not go through to our clothing...and we can go to friends' places without nappies.

* Age of EC tot: 5 months today!

* We started at...cueing from birth, first catch (on first attempt) 15
days, properly from 5 weeks

* Generally speaking we are doing...

Awesome! We seemed to have really turned a corner in the last week or
so...now we are not just "nappy-free", but mostly dry! I don;t think we
have done this well before- it used to be better before he moved much,
but I am sure we are doing as best as we ever have.

* How do you know your baby has to go / when do you offer baby a wee?

timing: 20-30 minutes after a feed or waking up
signs: none
signals: stopping feeding, or "biting" (not hard, but definitely lets me know)
intuition: no "warm feeling" now, but I often get the idea he needs to go (and am right).

* Is there a difference for poos and pees? What cues do you use?

A poo is usually preceded by a fart.
Sss-psss for pee, grunting and raspberry noise for poo

* Which positions/receptacles do you use?

Toilet, infant potty, just bought a proper little boy potty

* Nappies, training pants or other?

No nappies, and the last week no training pants either...I am not sure what it was, but T got a bit of a rash in his creases, and I could
only really put it down to wearing training pants for a long drive.  It's cleared up since he started wearing trouser/nakey-butt only.

* What are you doing away from home?

Just for the last week- absolutely nothing different! Sometimes I even have him nakey-butt in the sling...I put him nakey-butt in the carseat,
with a folded cloth nappy under him. I have been taking pants to wear when we arrive, and spares, but so far haven't needed any- this is for
outings between 2 and 6 hours!

* What are you doing at night?

He sleeps naked (or in clothing, no nappies) between us on a fleece blanket (doubled over), with a nappy under him. I try him on the potty
when he wakes, but he usually won't go- gets annoyed about it actually.  He will usually pee after a feed, when he gets off, but not always. He
generally wakes to pee (and not feed) at 5 and 6am, before waking to pee and feed at 7am.

* Who takes baby to the toilet?

Me usually, but Daddy does if he's home too...he thinks the actual toilet is too hard, but is very confident with the potty now.

* Catches or Misses - how many and what times are especially
interesting?

We are doing so well, it is just weird! The last 2-3 days he has had the same pair of pants on all day. I suppose it won't last, but for now
I am buzzing. At a park today, he pee'd when we arrived, and then not for another 2 hours...he didn't used to go anywhere but potties and
toilets until about a week ago...now, he, seems to go anywhere at all if I make the noise and put him in his usual position- it's so much easier,
though I do feel rather self-conscious.

Generally though- early mornings are harder...I'm busy getting the day organised, and I only know he has peed if I notice a puddle, or pick him
up and see he's gone. He can pee 3 times in 10 minutes!

* Other insights:

For a long while, I didn't think T signaled at all if he was on the floor. Now I reckon that is because he knew he could get away from it.
He is *so* loud and insistent in the carseat, or sling...and I think it is because he can't move himself away- it is really cool. He seems to
be able to hold on a lot more from even a fortnight ago.

* What's your next EC goal? (& how did you go with your last goal?)

I don't think I have anything in mind, except perhaps to get through crawling, and try to be a bit more aware in the mornings. I would quite
like to see him signaling ,but it is probably too early. Blowing raspberries before he poops is brilliant, but it is sometimes just for
fun...I love the idea of him really telling me he needs to go- though the kicks in the back at night, and high-pitched squeals in the sling are
very obvious. Only, I get the feeling people think I might be hurting him when he does that (crazily wishing he would gently whisper "I need
the toilet", lol).

Our last goal was to go out nappy-free...I think we've well and truly done that, and I am getting more and more confident. In fact, sometimes
I wish people would come and say 'Is that baby not wearing nappies?"...but noone seems to notice...sigh.

And now I need to get to bed, and write in his journal (I write each
month), and smother him with month-day kisses (hopefully without waking
him).

It is sooo cool to wake up in the morning next to a naked little baby, in a completely dry bed!

I would never have believed that was possible.  When people hear that T is nappy-free they are fairly amazed, but when I clarify that it is day *and night* that he is nappy-free, you can see their minds boggling.

He's coming up 6 months old now, and I *still* get a buzz each morning when I see he is dry, and so am I, and so is our bed.

The last week, he has been peeing a lot more in the night (quantity), but it is still all going in the potty.  Last night, he went 4 hours between feeds (1am, 5am) for the first time in months.  He shakes his head "no" if he doesn't want to go on the potty, but will go after he's finished feeding.  He doesn't feed as long in the night now either- probably because he is going longer between feeds.

I am even catching the pee's that come every 30-60 minutes in the early morning...T is making it so obvious that he needs to go, it would be impossible to miss...long may it continue!  We used to get 6 dry nights out of 7, now it is more!

* Age of EC tot: 6 months today!

* We started at...cueing at birth, first attempt at catching & catch at 15
days, really beginning at 5 weeks, nappy-free at home at 7 weeks, nappy free
at 12 weeks.

* Generally speaking we are doing...great! I love EC! I have cleaned poop
this week, which is unusual, and it's great that it's unusual! I am not
worried abut it- I know with my first 2 (non ec'ed) children, they had funny
nappies when teething, and Tommy is being caught unaware at the moment.
Wonderfully though ,we are getting much of it- just the odd slip-up.

* How do you know your baby has to go / when do you offer baby a wee?
timing: Within the first 20 minutes of him waking up...he lets me know if he
*doesn't* want to go.
signs: Sometimes he crawls over to the potty...I'm not sure that it is
intentional, but I think it might be.
signals: No, but I must start thinking about that!
intuition: I have been trying recently to try to rely more on intuition, so
I don't offer the toilet too often. Sadly, for me, I am often too busy and
forget to be intuitive ;0)

* Is there a difference for poos and pees? What cues do you use?

At the moment some poos are coming unannounced. It is more of a general
cry/fuss if there is something needing doing. However, if he is in the
sling or carseat- it is a piercing scream! "Ssssss=pssss" for pee,
imitating his grunts, and raspberry noises for poos. He hasn't been blowing
raspberries for a month or so.

* Which positions/receptacles do you use?

Pretty much always the toilet during the day, and the infant potty through
the night. I have been thinking using the big potty is probably good,
because I am now seeing the day (not too far away) where he will take
himself there, and get on himself (I am enjoying hearing about other's
adventures with that!).

* Nappies, training pants or other?

Pretty much nothing. There are some places I think a one-wet (training
pants) is good- such as when I am going to put him down to crawl- I just
can't seem to see when he needs to go, and when he is annoyed about
something else. I think I probably need to spend some time just watching
him again, to get more clued-up on his signs.

If he is in the sling, I don't have him in anything but trousers- he has
*never* peed on me in the sling, and I have finally clicked that I am
perfectly safe like that- so there is no need for training pants.

Yesterday we were out for 8 hours...we had no accidents. I put him in
training pants when we went to Wendy's for lunch, but took them off (dry) at
the next toilet stop (a Parent room in a mall where I fed him and took him
toilet while my other kids played). In shops, such as K-Mart, I had him in
the sling ,so he had trousers only on.

I used to think 2 pairs of one-wets are not enough, but now I barely use
them.

* What are you doing at night?

He sleeps with us, currently feeding every 30-60 minutes :0( all night long.
I put him on the potty when he pulls off from a feed, or squirms, etc. We
are having great success at night- I said that a while ago, and thought I
would jinx it by saying so- but we are still doing great (yay!).

* Who takes baby to the toilet?

Me and DH.

* Catches or Misses - how many and what times are especially
interesting?

I seem to be routinely missing 2 in 10 minutes each morning. I know how to
fix it- not go on the computer, and hold him instead...but I sort of figure
I need that time , and 2 wet patches are no big deal.

* Other insights:
The first times I put him in his highchair he peed- in hindsight I could
always see that he was signaling , but didn't get it at the time. This
week he has not peed in there at all.

* What's your next EC goal? (& how did you go with your last goal?)

To be more intuitive, and really look for his signs when he is
crawling...rather than simply changing wet pants :0) I think this may have
been my goal last time. Basically though, I am *very* happy with how we
are doing.

He is now tucked up in bed with his Daddy after a very busy 6 month
birthday. I made him a wheat-free, sugar-free honey cake (I made 6 month
birthday cakes for DS8 and DD4 too). I planned to scrape off the delicious
butter icing before he had his piece, but dh plonked the entire cake in
front of him- so (naturally) he stuck his hands in it, and ate huge
mouthfuls of the stuff...then threw up (most unusual for him, but not
considering what he was eating). We all sang "Happy Birthday" to him, not
really sure which words to use since it wasn't the actual birthday, the kids
blew out the candle...then we gave him a couple of presents (new toys) which
he enjoyed.

None of us felt like doing hand and foot prints, so that will wait for the
morning, as will writing in his baby book...and now I will sent this and go
join them- my dh and my 26 week old baby, who has not had a nappy for 14
weeks! That doesn't sound so good...better to say- he has only worn 5
nappies since 7 weeks (or, for 19 weeks)...none after 12 weeks...oh dear,
it's late!

Inevitably, after nearly 3 weeks of dry beds...I told loads of people ,and EC Murphy's Law says...you are in for a wet night.

I have noticed with EC'ing at night, we usually have a dry night...when we have a wet night though, it is not just 1 pee I miss...it's the lot! 

I guess it's still less work in the night than changing nappies, but washing sheets every day is not my idea of fun! 

From very early on, T has had a very strong "nest" instinct...he could wet all over our bed, but he would not wet on the blanket he was on...it was almost comical (depending on how many days in a row the bed had been wet)...lol.

Our worst effort was 7 nights...I was nearly ready to call it quite, despite having previously had great success with night-time EC, but then is when DH jumped up to say- it's a phase, we can get through it, and we did...right at seeming-breaking point, things came right.

Recently, DS6 months was unwell...he woke to feed every 30 minutes one night.  I caught *every* pee...how proud was I?

The next night, he also woke every 30 minutes, and I missed the lot.  The following night the same, the next night hourly, and I missed most of them...we had 4 very wet, wet, wet nights.

What to do?

* Make the bed as waterproof as possible...our current set-up is a thick towel across the width of the bed.  I have a second thick towel folded in half on my half of the bed.  Then, the sheet, then a water-proof mat, then doubled-over thick cot blanket.  I have a cloth nappy folded 3 times under T's bottom....as I said, he basically never pees on these, but it does happen occasionally, and then I can just move the wet layers, and replace them.

* If it's all just too much- put a nappy on, and get some sleep...wish I could take my own advice.

* Relax- it does end...usually when you think you just can't bear another wet night ;0)

* I your dryer breaks, and it's pouring with rain, and your other sheets are already soaked in the line, and there is baby pee in your bed...you won't be harmed by spraying a mixture of vinegar, water and lavender essential oil on the pee...pop a folded nappy, or blanket over it, and sleep on it...believe me, I know ;0)  It's not ideal, but it gives you a day off washing the sheets when you really need one.

* Remember (with fondness) all the wonderful dry nights you have had...also remember, a traditionally toilet-trained baby will probably wet the bed a few times (sometimes lasting for years) when they start learning to hold on at night...you probably won't have that.

* Try to drink less at night.

* Try to go to bed earlier, so you are more restless when baby starts stirring.

* Expect hiccups when (you or) your baby is sick, teething, undergoing some major new developmental leap.

* See if your partner will take care of pottying for a certain period, so you know you can relax more...if that seems a good option to you- I never tried it, but think I might should things turn to custard another time.

* I think I'll add more here next time this happens to us...hopefully not for a long time :0)

I have read about food intolerances affecting EC.   I hoped we wouldn't have any issues in that regard, but with food intolerances featuring in DS8 and DD4, it was always "on the cards".  When T was born, and spent his first 3 weeks screaming- that should have been a godod sign, all was not well with his little body.  He got better though, but still had screaming sessions of up to 3 hours a day until he was 4 months old, some days worse. 

He just wasn't a happy baby...then last week his eardrum burst after 3 days of solid screaming, asnd half-hourly night wakings.  I finally had an answer to why he has been such an unhappy little soul.

I know from experience (DD4), and plenty of reading, that ear trouble is often linked to dairy...so finalyl decided to go Dairy-Free (DF), and decided to go Wheat-Free (WF) at hte same time.

Today is Day 5, of my having absolutely no dairy or wheat.

T (6.5 months) is a different boy! 

He is babbling more, smiling non-stop, giggling, and generally soooo much happier...there is just a real contentedness about him- he is not like the same boy I had.

As far as EC goes- we had started to have poop misses, inexplicable really after months of none.  They have stopped.

He seems to now be able to hold on so much longer- this may be an age thing, but it seems to tie in with my elimination diet very well.  Today we were out, T in training pants, and I wasn't really paying attention.  When I realised it had been 2 hours since he went ot the toilet, and he had had 3 (single-sided, as usual) breastfeeds...I thought he would definitely be wet, but may need to pee, and will need more pants.  Only, he wasn't wet...he peed as soon as I offered him a "pottytunity".

I was pretty standardly missing 2 pees every morning (one while I was in the shower, another while I was at the computer)...but that has stopped too.

I was very happy with our EC journey, and am obviously very happy about this...but to have a happy little boy smiling at me- well, that is the best thing in the world!

No Dairy and No Wheat is not much fun, but there are plenty of things I can still have...and really it is sooo worth it, that I feel able to cope with any diet restrictions, and only wish I had done the same for my first 2 babies.

T started rolling properly, on a flat surface at 7 weeks...he had been able to get himself off his blanket before then. Rolling on to his back didn't seem to make much difference to EC, but when he started rolling on to his tummy at 10 weeks- the effort seemed to cause him to pee practically every time (even if he had only just gone).  It didn't last too long, but was a bit annoying in the middle of it.

He got up on all-fours just before 4 months, and started to propel himself along...he looked a bit like a caterpillar- sometimes he would get on all-fours, then sort of fall forward.  It was all very cute...but it made for a different stage in our EC journey too.

When he started crawling properly at 5 months, things settled a bit- but we still had more misses than we had at 2 months!  For the life of me, I couldn't see what signals he was doing before peeing- except perhaps a little grizzle...but it was hard to know if that was because he was annoyed about not getting/doing something he wanted, or he was tired, or that he needed to pee.  Sometimes I got it right, other times I got a puddle.

He would crawl off the potty if he didn't want to be on it, which was a good sign in itself- for us a "no" has always been respected, adnd is as good a sign as a "please take me now".

The cool thing about a crawling baby, was that he would crawl to the potty.  He even tried to get on it (though one night ended up with a terrible donk on his head, and a puddle next to the upturned potty).  At 6.5 months, he is very fast, but still unable to get on the potty himself. 

I think when he starts to walk it will be a lot easier...I am looking forward to that, imagining that he will walk over to the potty and manage to sit on it to do his business...how exciting!

From about 3 months, DST let me know unmistakably when he did *not* want to to use the toilet or potty.

I would take him to the toilet/potty and wait for him to either do somethign (poo or pee) or for him to tell me 'No".