My dear hubby often sends me some great emails and finds some great stuff in our local newspaper which are just too good to keep to ourselves....gotta share 'em with you.
He's also wondering when I'm gonna cook him a really nice roast lamb dinner. I keep reminding him it's the 21st Century and NOT "1957"...so I think he could cook a roast for me...for a change!
One of these days I'll surprise him and will cook that roast dinner he keeps dreaming about... and MAYBE.....run him a bath.
(Yeah right...keep dreaming darling!)
Joke Of The Week (3/3/08):-
A frustrated father is telling his friend about his misbehaving son. "When I was a youngster, I was disciplined by being sent to my room without supper. But in my son's room there is a colour TV, telephone, computer and CD player." "So what do you?" his friend asked. "I send him to my room." the frustrated father replied.
Joke Of The Week (3/2/08):-
A Dad walks into a toy store to buy his daughter a birthday present. He asks the shop assistant how much for a Barbie Doll. The shop assistant replies: "We have Work Out Barbie for $10.95, Shopping Barbie for $10.95, Beach Barbie for $10.95, Disco Barbie for $10.95 and Divorced Barbie for $195.95." The amazed father asks: "Why is Divorced Barbe $195.95 and the others are $10.95?" The assistant sighs and answers: "Sir...Divorced Barbie comes with Ken's Car, Ken's House, Ken's Boat, Ken's Furniture and Ken's Computer."
A story in our local paper recently reads like this...
"A man who stands more than 190cm took his family to a theme park to swim with the dolphins. When it came to trying on a wetsuit, he was told that they might not have one to fit his size, but was given one to try on anyway. He squeezed into the suit and went for his swim. When he got out he spotted his wife wearing a huge wetsuit and realised they had got the wrong wetsuits. He was wearing a women's size 12 and recksons he had the biggest wedgie of his entire life." OUCH!
During an attack of laryngitis, the woman of the house completely lost her voice for 2 days. To help communicate, the husband of the house devised a system of taps. One tap meant "Give me a kiss", two taps meant "Yes", seven taps meant "NO" and 95 taps meant "Take out the rubbish!"
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He said . . ..... Shall we try swapping positions tonight?
She said . . . .. That's a good idea - you stand by the ironing board while I sit on the sofa and fart!
He said ..........How man men does it take to change a roll of toilet paper?
She said .........We don't know...it has never happened.
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I came across this joke in our local newspaper:-
A mother was watching her two sons play in the large puddles created after a downpour of rain, when she saw the older boy grab his younger brother and push his head into one of the puddles. She immediately ran outside yelling "STOP!" But it's "ok mum" said the older boy. "We are just playing Church and I was baptising him in the name of the Father, the Son and in the hole he goes."
The Broken Lawn Mower
Marriage is a relationship in which one person is always right, and the other is usually the husband. When our lawn mower broke and wouldn't run, my wife kept hinting to me that I should get it fixed. But, somehow I always had something else to take care of first: the truck, the car, e-mail, fishing, always something more important to me. Finally she thought of a clever way to make her point. When I arrived home one day, I found her seated in the tall grass, busily snipping away with a tiny pair of sewing scissors. I watched silently for a short time and then went into the house. I was gone only a few minutes. When I came out again I handed her a toothbrush. "When you finish cutting the grass," I said, "you might as well sweep the driveway." The doctors say I will walk again, but I will always have a limp. Doh!
Marriage Counselling
A couple were attending marriage counselling class when the instructor declared "It is essential that husbands and wives know the things that are important to each other". He then turned to the men in the class and asked "Can you name and describe your wife's favourite flower?" The husband leaned over, touched his wife's arm gently and whispered "Self-raising isn't it?"
A man and a woman, who had never met before but were both married to other
people, found themselves assigned to the same sleeping compartment on an
overnight sleeper-train. Though initially embarrassed and uneasy over
sharing a room, they were both very tired and fell asleep quickly, he in the
upper bunk and she in the lower
At 1:00 am, the man leaned over and gently woke the woman saying,
"Excuse me, I'm sorry to bother you but could you reach into the cupboard to
get me a second blanket? I'm awfully cold up here".
"I have a better idea," she replied. "Just for tonight, let's pretend that
we're married.
"WOW!!! .....that's a great idea!" he exclaimed.
"Good," she replied. "get your own f** blanket!".
There was a stunned silence....then he farted.
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