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Dusty Old Blogs found here...
IN THERAPY
About 8 months ago I received a voucher for some pampering with a local Beauty Therapist. Oh joy! Oh bliss! It had to be used within 6 months of the date shown on it so I put it away for safe keeping until our big 6 week Summer holiday at the end of last year. I figured that would be the perfect time for me to have a much needed overhaul as my husband would be on holidays then and could entertain the kids. Sadly, it wasn't to be. I put that voucher in such a safe place that I couldn't find it when I wanted to use it. I tore the whole house apart trying to find it and after three days I gave up.
Two days ago I had to clean out a big cupboard in the family room 'cause I went to throw something in it and every bit of junk fell out on top of me. While I was wading through the mess a cream coloured piece of paper caught my eye. It was the long lost voucher...out of date and very dusty.
All was not lost however. I did find a $20 note AND an unused gift card one of us had received as a Christmas present so I've stashed them in a really easy hiding place called my wallet. I'm off to the shops tomorrow for some retail therapy instead. Sshh! Don't tell my husband.
Keep Smiling.
FOOD FIGHT
Couples should not do the grocery shopping together. A recent news article said a woman was charged with assault after attacking her husband with a pizza box in the frozen food section of a supermarket. Apparently security had to be called as she refused to put the pizza box down. Kinda gives a whole new meaning to the term "fast food is bad for your health".
I am not one to condone violence of any kind...frozen food related or otherwise...but I do sympathise with her. I am wondering whether her frozen food fight was preceded by any of the following comments:-
"Honey, the ones I like are these ones."
"Have you checked to see where they're made."
"There not the one's you usually get."
"Did you check the use by date?"
"The box is squashed...we need another one."
I am wondering this because of past incidents with my husband while food shopping. We made a pact years ago that he will never, ever come food shopping with me so my fellow shoppers will not have to be witness to me...the crazy woman saying "IT'S JUST A CAN OF CRUSHED PINEAPPLE. DOES IT MATTER IF THE CAN IS A LITTLE DAMAGED? WHAT'S INSIDE IS ALREADY CRUSHED." My husband and I are just not compatible shoppers. I should have asked him before we got married whether or not he cared which one of the 150 brands of chocolate biscuits he buys.
We all shop differently and my husband likes to take a merry little stroll up and down the aisles just like he's on vacation somewhere. I am different and charge up and down the aisles like a racing car driver so I can get the whole lot done and over with quickly.
So, next time you are about to venture out food shopping with your partner...stop...take a breath and think...maybe some things in a relationship are best done alone.
Keep Smiling.
ALL WORK NO PLAY
Oh me oh my...I am suffering from blog fog at the moment...which is sooo unklike me. Anyway, here's something emailed to me recently which fits perfectly on here. If you are a parent or even contemplating venturing into the world of sleepless nights, vomit, boogers and playdough then this is for you.
Job Description
Long term, team players needed, for challenging permanent work in an often chaotic environment. Candidates must possess excellent communication and organizational skills and be willing to work variable hours, which will include evenings and weekends and frequent 24 hour shifts on call. Some overnight travel required, including trips to primitive camping sites on rainy weekends and endless sports tournaments in far away cities! Travel expenses not reimbursed. Extensive courier duties also required.
Responsibilities
The rest of your life.
Must be willing to be hated, at least temporarily, until someone needs $5.
Must be willing to bite tongue repeatedly.
Must possess the physical stamina of a pack mule.
Must be willing to face stimulating technical challenges, such as small gadget repair, mysteriously sluggish toilets and stuck zippers.
Must screen phone calls, maintain calendars and coordinate production of multiple homework projects.
Must have ability to plan and organize social gatherings for clients of all ages and mental outlooks.
Must be willing to be indispensable one minute, an embarrassment the next.
Must always hope for the best but be prepared for the worst.
Must assume final, complete accountability for the quality of the end product.
Possibility for advancement and promotion
None! Your job is to remain in the same position for years, without complaining, constantly retraining and updating your skills, so that those in your charge can ultimately surpass you.
Wages and Compensation
Get this...you pay them! Offering frequent raises and bonuses. A balloon payment is due when they turn 18 because of the assumption that college will help them become financially independent.
Benefits
While no health or dental insurance, no pension, no tuition reimbursement and no paid holiday options are offered, this job supplies limitless opportunities for personal growth, unconditional love, and free hugs and kisses for life...if you play your cards right.
Oh....and there is no retirement from this job...EVER!
Keep Smiling.
Cupid
The day for love, romance, flowers, chocolates and some pampering is nearly upon us once again. Uggh!
The kids asked me a few days ago what I'd be getting for Valentine's Day. I was as subtle as a train crash when I suggested they tie their father to the chair, get the calendar and a red marker pen and get HIM to circle the 14th as well as the 28th (that's our anniversary...he always forgets that...along with our birthdays and putting his belt on).
I also suggested they get him to write a big looooong list of all the lovey dovey things he could do on this special day of romance. I have my list here, ready to go and I'll be checking off things as I go to ensure my husband is well looked after (for once) when he gets home from his long hard day at the office.
I also have another list. It's the same list I've had for the past 17 years. Yep...17 years and I'm still waiting for cupid to get his aim RIGHT. Yes, my husband is about as romantic as a rock. He's just not a mushy kinda guy. The only mush he likes is when I make mushy mashed potatoes. Come on cupid...give a girl a break. Otherwise I'm just gonna have to call in the big guns. Anyone seen my address book...gotta call Fabio.
Keep smiling.
Fantastic Fingers
My youngest son has little fingers that are always up to no good. They are always pulling things apart to find out how they work. For once I'd wish those fingers of his would actually put the things back together again. It is a constant battle to get him to keep his sticky little fingers to himself. Just last week he pulled a stapler apart to find out how it worked and in the process broke it and put a staple through his thumb. Now I have hundreds of staples but NO stapler to put them into. (Note: Buy new stapler tomorrow.)
Those little fingers of his just love to poke his brother or sister at every opportunity which inevitably ends up into a full on brawl where "mr sticky fingers" gets whacked by his siblings. I keep saying to him that if he just kept those fingers to himself, he wouldn't end up getting whacked and being held prisoner by his big brother.
His fingers have also been known to sneak up my nose when I'm asleep. They've ended up stuck in drains and fences and have been known to sneakily take lollies from our local shop.
Yesterday his fingers really got him into trouble. He was happily playing at the neighbour's house until the neighbour appeared with my screaming child in tow. The neighbour informed me that he had an accident but couldn't really work out what had happened. The poor kid was screaming that his eyes and lips were burning and that he had to go to the hospital. I immediately raced him into the shower, flushed his eyes out, washed his mouth and slowly he calmed down.
Apparently, he picked some chillies from the neighbour's veggie patch. Yes, yes, you guessed it. He's put his fingers in his eyes and mouth and hey presto - HOT, HOT, HOT! By the time he was cleaned up and calmed down the poor bugger was looking like Mick Jagger. He had the biggest, fattest lips I'd ever seen. Gosh, who needs botox. The swelling took a good 20 minutes to go down.
I asked him whether he would try harder to keep his fingers to himself. He just looked at me and said "Mummy I can't help it. My fingers have their own brain." He then promptly flipped me the bird.
Keep smiling.
The Five Food Groups
I was reading an article about healthy school lunch box items and accompanying the article was a pretty little picture of a pink lunch box, neatly displaying an apple, celery sticks, fruit juice and tuna pita bread cut in half rolled up in napkins with white string tied neatly round them. Oh puhlease! Who the heck has got time in the morning to display and package their child's school lunch boxes like that. Not this domestically disabled chickadee. Martha Stewart I am not. I'm more like Peg Bundy from "Married With Children". When I wake up in the morning, the second thing I do (after kicking my toe and my morning coffee) is open the fridge and pantry doors and have the kids stand behind me with their empty lunch boxes ready to catch whatever I toss over my head. This has actually taught them excellent hand/eye co-ordination and surprise, surprise....they are all excelling in sports. In fact, their PE teacher often comments on their exceptional ball and footwork skills.
The article also reiterated packing food items from the 5 food groups. Now we should all know what the 5 food groups are. If you don't then let me refresh your memory:-
1. Red Foods - consists of things like apples, tomatoes, meat (and wine).
2. Green Foods - consists of things like lettuce, avocado, celery and grapes.
3. Yellow Foods - consists of things like bananas, cheese and butter (low fat of course).
4. Brown Foods - consists of things like sultanas, raisins, nuts, tea, milo and coffee.
5. White Foods - consists of things like bread, potatoes, eggs, milk, yoghurt...oh and wine.
(Incidentally...wine is made from grapes...which as you can see are in 2 of the 5 food groups above.)
Rightio...now we've got the 5 food groups covered it is pretty easy to toss healthy food into the kids' lunch boxes and send them off to school knowing they will be eating well. WRONG! On occasions, their lunch boxes come home still full of food...partially eaten and/or resembling mush. No wonder they're starving at the end of their day. Upon investigation, I am informed they didn't eat anything 'cause the food did not meet their own personal food groups which according to them should in fact consist of:-
1. Red - jelly beans.
2. Green - jelly beans.
3. Yellow - banana lollies.
4. Brown - chocolate.
5. White - potato chips.
Are they kidding. Well no they are not. I'm not kidding either when I turn around and inform them that dinner will consist of steak and kidney pie, brussel sprouts, red capsicum, beans, peas, carrots, brocoli, turnips, cabbage, pumpkin and potatoes all washed down with a nice glass of milk. Think that just about covers the 5 food groups.
Keep smiling.
WOOD WORK
As some of you know, the youngest member of the family just loves creating things out of any old bits and pieces he can find from cardboard boxes to bits of string. His absolute favourite is creating things out of timber off cuts. Give the little man a hammer, some nails as well, and the sky's the limit.
Recently a neighbour made a new timber fence and said we could take any scrap timber for our little creator. Boy did his face light up when he saw that pile of wood. Oh the fun he was gonna have.
Master 7 year old has a little friend that lives a few houses away from us and together they create timber masterpieces. Yesterday while chilling out in the loungeroom, I saw a huge piece of timber... with legs...walking past the window. What the? Upon investigation, there were two little people...out in our backyard...huffing, puffing and sweating profusly...with a huge piece of wood that was about five inches thick and about 6 foot long. They'd carried it all the way down the street to our place so that the big strong man of the house could finish cutting through it 'cause they'd already spent a good hour sawing through that piece of timber with a tiny little hand saw and just couldn't muster up the strengh to finish cutting it.
With that great hunk of timber cut in two...they were off back up the street to create their masterpiece. Apparently they are making an aeroplane and from all descriptions it's sounding very good. It's not finished yet and no one is allowed to see anything until completion. All I know is...there has been lots of measuring, hammering and secret discussions between these budding young carpenters.
As I type this, they are having their lunch break and I've just overheard them mutually agreeing to take apart what they've done so far. Apparently they've now decided to make a Hot Wheels car. I just suggested they could attempt to make me that new dining room table. They just laughed and told me not to be soooo silly and to go to the shops and buy one.
Keep Smiling.
HEN PECKED
We have two pet budgies...or should I say...we DID have...until yesterday morning.
We started off with one bird. It was given to us, cage and all about 5 years ago. A cute little blue male budgie that the kids named Bluey. Yep, now that's an original name isn't it. Bluey was a happy little bird, very talkative, a little entertainer and very tame so he was often out of his cage just chillin' on someone's shoulder. We were given another budige a few months ago. It only had one leg 'cause it got caught in some wire and it chewed it's leg off to free itself. The kids called it Stumpy.
Now Bluey and Stumpy only had a few moments together. I decided to buy a bigger cage for them and as I was organising the transfer to their home Stumpy cut loose and flew away into the sunset. The kids just screamed and howled so we promptly jumped in the car and raced to the pet shop to buy a new female bird 'cause the kids insisted Bluey needed a girlfriend. They called her Elmo.
Elmo was a horror bird right from the start. She decided she'd show Bluey who ruled the roost. Bluey had been subject to constant "hen pecking" from day one and the husband sympathised with Bluey...quite a lot now that I think about it. Elmo constantly pushed Bluey off his perch. We'd hear a SPLAT on the bottom of the cage and know Bluey was down for the count AGAIN...poor bird. He was always being pushed off his perch.
Elmo also hogged all the bird seed. It got so bad we had to make a divider in their cage to keep them seperated. Not long ago we thought Bluey was going to go to that big bird cage in the sky 'cause Elmo held the bird seed and water to ransome and wasn't letting Bluey near them at all. Thankfully Bluey recovered. Poor Bluey...he put up with a lot over the past few months and he eventually lost his pep and spunk.
Yesterday morning Elmo cut loose and flew off into the wild blue yonder. One of the doors of the cage wasn't shut properly and she squeezed through the small opening. The kids were a little upset but soon got over it 'cause pretty much straight away Bluey got his mojo back. He was singing and chatting happily right away. My theory is he pushed Elmo through that opening in the cage door 'cause he just couldn't take anymore hen pecking.
Today Bluey is one happy chappy. The missus has flown the coupe and he's got a big cage all to himself, all the food and water he could possibly want and has been able to sit on his favourite perch without being pushed off. He hasn't stopped chatting away all morning. I'm sure he's trying to tell us something through all that chatting...pitty I don't speak "budgie"... but I'm pretty sure I know what he's saying.
Keep Smiling.
Hair Today...Gone Tomorrow
One thing my dear husband does not do while he is on holidays is shave. He has to be clean shaven for the job he has so come holiday time...he does go a bit ferral and doesn't shave and at the moment is starting to resemble Grizzly Adams.
A couple of days ago he decided to tidy up what little hair he has left on his head. I thought his hair was fine but he decided it had to be tidied up a little round his ears and neck. He has his own hair clippers and uses a number 2 blade all over. It's very easy for him to cut his own hair and surprisingly he always does a great job and has never missed....UNTIL NOW.
I had no idea he was going to cut his hair. I was aware something was not right 'cause my mum very quietly came up to me and said "Oh no! Ninaaaa. Remember when you were a kid and your father shaved off his moustache and you ran a mile and wouldn't look at him....well your husband has something to show you."
With that I covered my eyes....ran out the back door with my man after me saying "Oh honey...I think I zigged when I should have zagged." It took a little while for me to pluck up the courage to look. When I did I just shrieked. OMG! Boy did he make a big booboo. He was tidying up the back of his hair, missed and the blade went a little higher that it should have and the only way to fix it up was to use a number 1 blade all over.
After my initial shock...I saw the funny side...as only I can do and said "Honey. It doesn't look that bad. There's still a shadow of hair left. In fact, if I paint your head red then you could be a great big lollipop." I then suggested I could get a black marker pen and draw three big dots on his head then he'd be a bowling ball.It's a shame there's no fancy dress parties on at the moment 'cause he'd have a hard time deciding what to go as.
Awww...it's all in good fun and my husband took it all in his stride...he's used to me and my warped sense of humour...and besideds...he knew this was a bit of payback for me for an incident that happened earlier in the week...but that's a whole other story.
Keep smiling.
Rain, Rain Go Away
I am trying to get my "blog" brain back into working order which is proving to be a bit tricky as we are currently on our 6 week Summer break and that means my "blog" brain has been having a rest too. Three weeks have gone already. Gee....time flies when you're having fun...well trying to have fun anyway.
We managed to get through Christmas and New Year fairly unscathed.
The first few days of the holidays were a whirlwind of shopping and madly wrapping presents. We had paper, sticky tape and pretty coloured ribbon everywhere. I found some sticky tape just yesterday stuck under the table and a chair. Obviously one of the kids decided they just couldn't throw those bits in the bin when they were asked to....3 weeks ago.
We have also had to contend with wild monsoonal rain since Christmas Eve. That's put a whole new twist on the "12 days of Christmas" for us. Lots of rain, wild winds, three kids and one husband INSIDE THE HOUSE for all that time...not a good combination. Aargh!! We've had to keep all doors and windows closed 'cause of the weather too. Add to that a big pile of dirty clothes and piles of damp washing....well I'm sure you can imagine the wonderful smells that have been at my place recently. Yes, the washing has been draped over the chairs with care in the hope that the sunshine would soon be there. Finally, we had a beautiful day yesterday so it was mad panic stations to get all the washing done and dry. You will be glad to know we all have clean fresh underwear again which is great 'cause as I type this the rain has started once again so who knows how long it will be before I can get the undies clean and dry again.
Keep Smiling.
Dear Santa
I received an email recently which is right up my alley. I've changed it bit to suit me...so here is my Letter to Santa....
Dear Santa,
I am hiding in the garden shed to write this on the back of a Corn Flakes box since all my writing paper has been used for everything else except writing letters. Sorry for the smudges too, that's 'cause I'm using my lipstick to write with since all my pens have been used as garden stakes for our tomato seedlings.
I've tried very hard to be a good mum all year. I've fed, washed and hugged my kids, car pooled, helped at school, visited the dentist, sold lots of raffle tickets to raise money to air condition all the classrooms, attended assemblies on Monday mornings and even learnt the second verse to our National Anthem. To be honest, I never knew there was a second verse.
I'd like a new pair of feet that don't ache or look like they belong on a chicken. I'd like a new pair of arms, preferably ones that aren't "tuckshop lady arms"...you know...ones that don't flap in the wind but are still strong enough to break up the wrestling matches in the back yard and carry 10 bags of groceries home from the shops. I'd really like a new waist too since the one I had got lost somewhere between the 2nd and 3rd pregnancies and some new clevage that doesn't sit in my lap. Remember Santa...there's only 12 months between the boys.
If you are feeling generous, I would also really like an automatic backdoor closer, a rubbish bin that emptied itself, and a new car with indicators that work so I don't have to stick my flappy "tuckshop lady arms" out the window to indicate which way I want to turn. I think all that flapping about now confuses my fellow motorists. I'd also really like a refrigerator that sounds a big alarm when the door is opened and another small room built out the back so I can hide whenever I feel the need. It would be "Mum's Panic Room"...oh and I'd like it to have a fully stocked mini fridge, a clean loo, hot water when I need it and a secret stash of chocolates...the last box got eaten before I had a chance to drool over my favourites.
I could do with a soothing CD...well maybe a few...with harmonious chanting..."Clean Your Room", "Brush Your Teeth", "Don't Eat in the Lounge", "Don't Swing on the Clothesline", "Don't Argue" and my favourite "Have You Done Your Homework". It seems the kids have tuned out to my voice...but the neighbour's dog loves to howl at it so maybe you should get the poor dog some ear muffs too.
I know I've got a lot on my list Santa, but if you don't mind I could do with enough time to have a shower, brush my teeth and do my hair...all on the same day. Oh that would be a luxury.
Well Santa, I must sign off now. It seems the clothesline has just fallen on top of the shed and I need to go and re-cement it in the ground right after I catch the child that decided to use it as a swing again. Do you think you could also get a swing set...for the kids? That would be muchly appreciated.
There will be a nice cold beer waiting for you when you get here and some cake but don't leave the empty bottle on the bench...please put it in the recycle bin when you leave....oh and could you use a plate to catch the cake crumbs.
Thank you Santa.
Signed: By Me...Nina...A Mum.
P.S. I really need a new lipstick too. This one just ran out.
True Love In 72 Hours
I thought I'd seen it all. Apparently not. On my wanderings around the shops today a little red man caught my eye. He made me laugh hysterically and I just had to bring him home.
Now don't anyone panic. The man in question is about 3 inches tall, flat on his back and sealed in a cardboard box. In black letters on the box are the words"GROW A BOYFRIEND. TRUE LOVE IN 72 HOURS". I couldn't leave him at the shops now could I.
He's actually one of those things you put in water and they increase in size as it absorbs the water. I grabbed it as a fun thing to put with some other goodies for a relative's upcoming birthday. According to the box Grow A Boyfriend will increase 600% his size in water. Geez...that could just about be the size of a fully grown man.
Mr Grow A Boyfriend has other great qualities too. The top 10 reasons why you should grow your own boyfriend (according to the box) are...
1. FREE movie and dinner date.
2. He's polite.
3. Always there when you need him.
4. He never snores.
5. Never argues.
6. Always agrees.
7. Never looks at your credit card bills.
8. He never talks.
9. He doesn't chew with his mouth open - in fact he doesn't chew at all. (Oh good..means I won't have to cook him a roast.)
10. He doesn't look at you like your nuts when you want to get down and boogie in a public place. (I made that one up myself...hehe!)
Yes "Mr Grow A Boyfriend" seems to be "Mr Right"...and all within 72 hours.
There's also "Grow A Pet" and "Grow A Girlfriend" too. Can you imagine "Grow a Girlfriend" expanding to 600% her size in water...well for starters I think she'd have better cleavage than me.
Keep Smiling.
Picasos, Pavarotis and Party Poopers
On Friday evening the school held an Art Show to showcase all the wonderful art work produced by the school community. It also incorporated the official opening of a new structure at the school. It was a very posh affair. There was wine and nibblies on offer too. Even our local MP turned up to cut the red ribbon on proceedings but I think he also showed up just to get his face in the paper one last time before we went to the polls on Saturday. (We've just elected a new PM...but that's another story).
Now I just love art...of any kind...even kids' art. I especially drool over a good Picaso, Monet or Van Gough. I spent a good 10 hours once at the Lourve in Paris...just drooling...think I drooled too much over the Mona Lisa though...was escorted away by a security guard. Friday evening was no exception and I was drooling over all the lovely bits of wool, string and sand stuck to cardboard.
The school band performed and there was some lovely music playing in the background to add to the ambience...until a band member hit a very big wrong note.
The senior school choir performed as well and I was looking forward to that as Miss 10 year old happens to be in the choir. I'm a bit partial to our choir. They crank out some really great numbers. The song "We Are Family" was sung and that was my cue to get jiggy with it. I did forewarn my daughter that I was likely to break out in a dance number. She just rolled her eyes at me...then forewarned her fellow choir members. By the end of it...most of the parents were also getting jiggy with it. My poor husband on the other hand was trying very hard to hide behind someone's self portrait...awww party pooper!
Dusty Old Blogs found here... 
