In considering myself somewhat of a writer, especially in words of a non-fictional description, its then within this capacity that I now assume an even greater responsibility. For when in words of this very nature, I must be ever so careful in their structure, as they will in one form or another leave an impact upon people's lives. The beauty within the truth and conviction of my shattered life will only be measured by the extent of its influential appreciation. Without having the benefit of a full education, nor ever having been schooled towards being a writer.I have, through my greatest internal struggles come to understand and accept the reality, that I have been entrusted by what can only in all its definitions be considered a gift, that is not of this world". Even tougher was the understanding that this gift was not for my benefit, instead its purpose was to be a blessing to others.
The facts within my written testimony will undisputedly give evidence that God Himself directed the steps of my life, and is sitting mightily upon His Throne, and preparing for the return of our Blessed Savior Jesus Christ. As seen throughout the irrefutable written word, from the beginning of creation, regardless of the brutalities within oppressive dictatorships, or the catastrophes that have continually hammered each successive generation, or the acts of war, that have continually threatened, to weaken and stagger the progression of mankind. Regardless of the devastating addictions, or the incomprehensible illnesses that not only continue to cripple humanity daily, but within their path of destruction, disable entire communities, and threaten nations as a whole. "God has throughout the ages, within every generation, brought forward an abundance of prophetic voices from all nations. These are His chosen ambassadors, messengers elect, who within their own powerful testimonies, can, have and will continue to deliver His people from the suffocating bondages, unleashed by the enemy of all Righteousness.
However in writing these words, I am fearful to even place myself within a consideration of such a privileged position, however when in reflection of my life, one can't but help marvel at the extraordinary night and day differences, or the seemingly impossible positive transformations. Never within my sorrowful life was there anything that would substantiate my being a man of great wisdom, nor was there any indication that my life was destined for anything other than misery and suffering, as within its first forty years, it had certainly played itself out in the very pits of hell. Of my own resources I could never, ever have changed the course of my destructive life, although without unquestionable dispute, I am a living testimony to the fact that Our Lord God does in fact hear our cry of help, and it does not matter whether this plea was one of faith or unbelief, as the two walk hand in hand. As long as we allow ourselves to be molded by the Grace of the Holy Spirit, God will heal and restore all the broken pockets of our lives, to heights greater than their original state. My own perception of my very existence could be tragically summed up within the following metaphor;
"For a moment, try to imagine during the beginning stages of your life being abandoned in the middle of a raging sea, left alone without the benefit of even a life preserver. Each of my years had brought its own thundering wave crashing down upon me, threatening to shallow me in its darkest depth. With an unexplainable willpower, I battled each treacherous wave. In reaching its peak and briefly catching my breath, as I aimlessly drifted into the next unknown valley. I'm once again drawn into an unrestrained despair, longing for my life itself to cease, as on the horizon I see the next hideous wave approaching with a terrifying ferociousness. Through many years of painful reflection, I've come to understand with a clearer appreciation, that something far greater than anything within myself, had not only kept me afloat, but instilled within me a persistent and determined desire to rise above anything life had to offer. "
From my earliest childhood within its innocent purity there was a sexual molestation, which left its filthy stain and torturously haunted the deepest corridors of my mind. There was insurmountable instability due in part to parental abandonment, as they pursued their own selfish wants and needs above those of their children, which ingrained within my personality, a deep rooted dysfunctional insecurity. At fifteen years old I began my thirty-five year battle with chronic alcoholism. One year later I embarked on a life of crime, prison survival and violence that spanned the next twenty years, of which fourteen were spent in various prisons. At thirty-years of age I became a narcotic drug addict as well, which I battled for the following twelve years. If such a life wasn't in itself enough to drive you to the brink of insanity, buckle your seat belt as it gets worse. As a result of my addictions and unpredictable behaviors I was told I have the HIV infection, and that my life would be very short-lived. Twelve years have now passed since that devastating diagnosis, and as I am writing these very words, without any hesitancy, beyond a shadow of a doubt, or a murmur of uncertainty, I know that God Himself delivered me to Emmanuel Pentecostal church to be baptized in His name. Yes the reality clearly now exists within my mind, that my life, before its very conception, to this very moment in time, had been pre-orchestrated for a specific and meaningful purpose.” God within His glory is using the circumstances of my shattered and tormented life as a further means of restoring the blind to sight. "
Moving mountains and walking on the water
Every addiction along with every negative behavior or influence in our lives, is a mountain, and when in sincerety and committment give that mountain to God, within each day of abstinence, the mountain takes a step away from us. Eventually it disapears from our sight, no longer having any signifigance in our lives, therefore we have just went from what was once a crippling impossibility, to a living reality, and just like peter we too now walk on the water...
This story in essence is all about moving those unimaginable mountains.
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