Iv'e spent the better part of my life over-weight and plain. I was cute when I was child, but unfortunately that didn't last long.
I realize it's suppose to be about what's inside that counts that most but when you have people constantly telling you how fat your are in so many embarracing ways, it's really hard to remember that being a good person is just as important as a pretty face or a good body.
At work the call me utters, as in reference to a cow. They laugh and make jokes, call me insulting names and if I don't laugh back with them then im not being a "joiner".
Why is it always funny to pick on the one who's not socially thought of as perfect in appearance?
Im a hard worker, I show up on time, I try to be pleasant and nice to people. I'm always willing to help out if I can, but apparently that doesn't mean you will get respect as a person for trying to be a respectful and nice person.
I don't want people to repeatedly say thank you for what I do for them, all I want is to be treated with the same respect a pretty person would have for acting in the same manner. But Im over weight by about 40 pounds and in all honesly there never was anything over actractive about my face to begin with. Im plain at best. I can live with that.
Im not fat because I over eat, or even because I eat the wrong things. I honestly don't know why I can't lose the weight. I do try, I walk everwhere, I work out alot. I was told my dads sisters were over weight too, perhaps its in my genes to not be slender.
I've given alot of thought to plastic surgery to help out my uncomfortable body, and after 5 years of wondering if that's something I want to go through with, I've came to the conclusion that, thats probably the only real chance I have at spending anytime in my life at a socially appreciated size.
One problem, I don't make that kind of money, and I don't have the skills to find a job that would make me that kind of money , at least not before I turn 60 anyways, and at that age , weights probably not going to be my biggest concern.
My one wish is to be able to go to a surgen and say , remove this and lift those, so at the end , although I might not look like a size 0, ( which I honestly don't want anyways), but I would look more like the person I always wanted to look like.
Sounds like a vain wish right, but if you think about it, aren't most people vain and shallow when it comes to judging someone theses days?
A good friend of mine was offered this really great job, the boss thought she was sooooo pretty and just knew she would make a great addition to the office. Now when I go to apply for jobs like that all I hear is maybe with alittle more experience you can apply in 6 months. Ummm, well, we both had the same amount of experience at the job in question, the only difference is, shes about 4 inches taller then me ( I'm 5'3) and shes thin and really pretty. She didn't even graduate! I on the other hand graduated with honors and I went to college. Brains only count if the person judging you can stand to look at you, I learned this the hard way.
I know this sounds like a dumb request, but seriously, I hate myself. I can't stand to go out in public because of the way I look to people. I hear way to many comments like.."if she only lost some weight she wouldn't be so bad" or " A fat pretty girl is still just a fat girl" or they make mooing sounds. Do you even know what it feels like to be nicknamed Utters? I don't even feel like a person when they call me that.
My boyfriend loves me regardless, he thinks I'm beautiful and I love him for loving me for me and not my body. lack of companionship isn't the issue for me. It's lack of confidence. I just want to love what I see when I look into a mirror.
Just to go out in public and not want to hide would be great. I know I'd smile more if I felt better about myself. but right now, what's to smile about when people refered to you Utters?
