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Random Rants and Other Nonsense

All You Need Is Prozac
by PitchforkPrincess


When James Glenn received a copy of Kelly Tasha's audio interview with Audrina Claire, he was confused and astonished. He listened to it three times before calling Dr. Michael Anders, who'd treated James's cousin for psychotic behavior a few years back. James knew he could trust the good doctor, because his cousin functioned as a normal adult these days.

"James Glenn? Ahh, yes, I remember you. You're of some relation to a past patient," Dr. Anders said, quickly opening a file labeled 'Percy Glenn'. "Oh dear, has there been another mental breakdown in your family?"

James grunted, a bit annoyed at such an accusation. He ignored the urge to say something striking, and instead told the doctor about the current situation. "I think my new reporter, Kelly Tasha, may have a split personality. What concerns me is that I believe Audrina Claire is her other personality."

Dr. Anders chuckled. "What makes you think that? Do the two even look alike?"

James blushed. "I have never seen Kelly Tasha. She sends in audio tapes, and someone in the office types them up as interviews. We've learned, from prior experience, that Miss Tasha lacks writing skills. I admit, I have no idea what she looks like." James paused and thought about how to word his next statement. "The thing is, Dr. Anders, her current interview is with the actress, Audrina Claire."

"And?" the doctor sounded annoyed, and began to plot his way out of this dreadful phone conversation. Unless the editor of Celebrity Parade came up with some good information quickly, the doctor would dismiss him as paranoid and delusional.

James cleared his throat. "Kelly was never assigned to interview Miss Claire. I do not know how she became accustomed to the woman. Audrina Claire refuses to divulge the location of her residence or much of her personal life, so Miss Tasha either has exclusive information, or knows the actress intimately."

"Perhaps they're lovers," Dr. Anders quipped.

James cringed. The doctor was crude and had no couth. "Doctor, spare me your attitude. When I play this tape for you, you'll understand my concern."

"I have no further interest..."

"If Audrina Claire is also my reporter, sir, you'll understand the help she needs. You'll also understand she is a woman of great wealth." James shuttered, his conscious silently berating him for the tactics he'd used.

"Oh, I see," Dr Anders said, a new interest in his tone, as well as a more polite demeanor. "Play the tape, please."

James held the tape player against the mouthpiece of the phone, and pressed the round, black 'Play' button.

Kelly Tasha's voice pounded out of the tiny speaker.

‘I have been waiting at this secret location for nearly half an hour and still have received no sign of Miss Claire, who I am to interview for Celebrity Parade. This is the first big star I've been given the opportunity to chat with, and she does not have enough nerve to show up on time. Is this how the typical celebrity…’

A brief pause.

‘Well, here I sit at Charlie's - Oops, I must have the editor of this magazine cut that information out. Miss Tasha, they young lady who's supposed to interview me is no where to be seen. I suppose she became overly nervous at being in the presence of such a great actress such as myself.’

Mindless giggling.

‘I guess she left this tape recorder here for me to talk into. She must be somewhere close, because the thing was recording when I arrived here. I wonder…’

Another pause, before:

‘What was I saying? That's strange. Why are all the diners staring at me? I must have something horrid on my face. I'll just run to the bathroom.’

Silence for perhaps two minutes, then:

‘I cannot reason how I ended up in that dreadful bathroom. My make-up has been stripped from my face. The madness. I should cut down on the alcohol, I suppose.’

The voice trailed off for a moment.

‘Ahhh! How did I get back here? I must have blacked out for a moment. Too many shots of whiskey, I guess. But where can Audrina Claire be?’

A commotion, and then a loud demand:

‘Excuse me! Excuse me! Has anyone see Audrina Claire? What?? Why are you staring at me like that?? THERE IS NOTHING ON MY FACE! Have you seen…’

A man's voice interrupted Kelly's fit:

‘Uhh, lady. Umm, Miss Claire, I'm a big fan, but…’

Kelly Tasha gasped in confusion.

‘What are you talking about? Are YOU crazy?’

The man spoke once more.

‘Miss Claire, you are clearly a talented actress, but this set-up is ridiculous and rude.’

Kelly began to shriek.

‘I'm not Audrina Clair! Damnit, I'm Kelly Tasha! I write for Celebrity Parade! I... I…’

The tape ended there.

"What do you think, Dr. Anders?" James timidly asked, after putting the tape player in a desk drawer.

"Where did you get that tape, Mr. Glenn?" the doctor asked, interest sparking anew.

"The man on the tape, Todd Marshall, brought it in to the office this morning. Said he feared for Miss Claire's safety. Is there anything you can do, doctor?" James asked, eager to find help for the young woman.

The doctor chuckled. "It's all been taken care of, James. Miss Claire, or Miss Tasha if you prefer, was admitted into Shady Pines this morning, under my care. After hearing that tape, I'll  be able to hold the girl for as long as I want, when all she needs is Prozac!"

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Author's Notes: This story probably requires a brief explanation. It was a writing prompt. Basically, a woman working for an up and coming magazine is sent to interview a famous celebrity. The only problem is, she IS the celebrity. More specifically, she suffers from Multiple Personality Disorder and her two personalities (reporter and celebrity) don't know they're one in the same.

One more note: I don't know how they treat MPD. I'm sure it requires more than Prozac but I wrote this ages ago. Plus, the prompt required a maximum of 1000 words. Hard to get detailed that way.