Nerdy Bob | The Story

The First Book: Nerdy Bob and the Radioactive Ninja Bunnies

Chapter 1

Long, long time ago in a galaxy far, far away in a swamp lived an ogre with a bad attitude. He was hired to scare all the little children in New York City. He thought he couldn't do it, but he kept telling himself, "I think I can." He did scare all the little children, and it was good too because one of them was planning to flood New York City and create a new island off the coast. The ogre was thanked and became famous. Soon it changed when an annoying spider-bitten freak told him that he was a fake. Mad the ogre cursed God, and God answered his prayers. God gave the ogre his powers, and the ogre used it for his own good. He did and it messed his life up. Mad once again, he bought a pig to eat. All alone in the world, he decided to keep it. When he got back to his swamp, he found that it was cleaned up. Unsure what to do with his and the pig's droppings, he decided to dump his droppings in the "swamp." The waste turned the swamp into a polluted dump once again. Angry, the Environmental Protection Agency bombed the swamp with an atom bomb. Now all was left was a radioactive polluted waste dump.

Chapter 2

Cheers rang out through the Lunar Base “Bungee Order Bulletin”, otherwise known as Lunar Base BOB. BOB, for 42 decades, had been designing what was known as “it.” “It” created more controversy than the “Is a tomato a fruit or a vegetable?” debate. It was a battle between liberals and conservatives, but the creation of “it” signaled the end of the beginning of the end of the middle of the middle of conservatism. Angry, the earthbound conservatives brought Albuquerque, New Mexico to its ruins. Chief Bloch Glob, the head of “Project ‘It’” was a conservaliberalist (con-serv-uh-lib-er-ul-ist) a liberal who believed “it” shouldn’t be called an “it.” Asked why, he would say, “It is a human, not an alien.” And they would reply, “But it’s ‘it’!” That wasn’t good enough for him, but it was true. They had created the most dangerous creature ever. 42 decades of non-stop research, experimenting, and forced unpaid labor had created Nerdy Bob.

Chapter 3

The internet is a wondrous thing. It is the World Wide Web as most URL addresses boast. Except, it’s not world wide: it can be accessed by anyone in the universe. Not that they would anyway, for it was only a human creation with human fallibilities and primitive human ideas. In the recent magazine Universe Monthly, the World Wide Web was number 42,42,424,242 on the list of mass networks list; the number one was China’s holographic undercover intergalactic MMRPG (Mass Media Recruiting Protocol Guard): RuneScape, not to be confused with the MMRPG (Mass Multiplayer Role Playing Game) RuneScape (which is on the internet). 42 gazillion light years away, Ghyutiewyto (ga-EE-oo-tee-ee-why-too), Dwarf G for short, houses the great Radioactive Swamp. Its origins are explained in legend: “The Great Radioactive Swamp was created by the EPA because of the angry ogre.” 42 days later have passed now since the creation of the Radioactive Swamp and radioactive ninja bunny training is its number one industry. This small planet every year celebrates the non-existence of February 30 – the major pastime is surfing the internet because their servers were too slow for RuneScape. Being 42 minutes after the creation of Nerdy Bob, they found site after site about the great controversy surrounding the creation. Being conservative peoples, they decided to treat the situation better than the Albuquerque conservatives. It was time to put their practically useless industry to its first practical use.

Chapter 4

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Kids, have you ever needed help with your homework? Did your parents just outright say “No!” to do your homework? Income makers: do you need an extra mind to figure out all your taxes. Or do you need the extra brain to help your children because you forgot ninth grade math? Married men: do you need some extra space for that huge grocery list your wife dumped on you this morning just before work? Entrepreneurs it’s your turn now: do you need an interactive website to advertise your products and business or a way to contact customers? Teachers you get your share also: create more free time by having an extra helper assist you in grading papers. Now I’m sorry everyone else that I couldn’t get to you, but the point is still the same: you all need Nerdy Bob. Nerdy Bob is bound to help you with all your brainy problems you’re to lazy to do. Nerdy Bob is a revolutionary idea incorporating 42 decades of experimenting and researching, and we have finally reached a cheap way to manufacture nerds. Sure they may be dangerous creatures, but they are a big help. Please note: Nerdy Bob comes only as a prescription so please talk to your doctor if this is right for you. Please be aware Nerdy Bob does not work properly in the range of gangsters. Side effects include, but not limited to, laziness, sore muscles due to laziness, extra weight gained by extra time on the couch, more free time due to laziness, emotional problems accompanied by laziness, and potentially losing all you need (jobs, spouse, fish, plants) because of laziness, and higher returns by the IRS, and guilt of demonstrating knowledge you never learned. Please use as a caution. Lunar Base BOB will not be responsible for any losses due to laziness. All this only for $999,999,999,999,999,999,999.99 plus shipping and handling for a total price equal to that of Bill Gates wealth multiplied by the 42^nd power of 42. Please call 1-800-042-4242.