memory of my son, Nathaniel Aidan Good |

I found out that I was pregnant with Nathaniel around May 2006. It was a normal pregnacy for the most part. I had the regular morning sickness for about 2 months.

When I was about 29 1/2 wks along, I had some small spotting (Oct 2006). With this being my first pregnacy, of course I was worried that something was wrong. I called my doctor and set-up an ultrasound to make sure everything was okay. I was reassured that his heart rate looked fine, but the ultrasound technician was worried a little because I had little amniotic fluid. She told my doctor who immediately admitted me to the hospital. I was on continuous monitoring throughout my 5 day stay. I saw a high risk doctor at least twice-saying things looked okay but not the best. He thought I was doing okay and so was Nathaniel-so I was discharged shortly after. I was given strict instructions not to return to work, and was put on bed rest for the remainder of the pregnancy.

I went back to my high risk doctor a week later (around 31 weeks), and was again told that my amniotic fluid was once again low-being re-admitted to the hospital, this time for the remainder of the pregnancy. This week we also found out that he weighed a small 2lb.12oz, but the doctor just assumed he was going to be a small baby-so I was told not to worry. I was on the monitor on/off throughout the day, 8 hour periods-on for about an hour. I was told the whole time that his heart rate was low, but my doctor thought it was just fine for him. I was also told that I had various contractions, but not enough to progress the labor. My doctor had decided to do her best to get me to week 36 at least-because she thought his lungs would be developed enough then and would be fine enough to survive. Things seemed to be fine throughout the remainder weeks. As I gained weight, Nathaniel seemed to gain some as well. We kept reassuring ourselves that the more he weighed the less time he would be in the NICU.

So, I ended up being discharged from the hospital at the end of week 35-being told to be back to see my high risk doctor the beginning of week 36. When I did-I ended up being told that because I was so far along and my amniotic fluid was dangerously low for Nathaniel, to be admitted for delivery that same day (November 2006). I pretty much was getting settled that day-nothing really happening except possibly being on the monitor for a few hours that night. The next morning November 21, I was administered poticin to get my labor progressing. I only dilated one centimeter through the 8hr day, so was taken off of it around 4pm to start over the next morning. The doctor decided to try some other medication the next morning with my poticin which helped to progress me to 4 centimeters and my water was able to be broken. However, this was as far as I went in another 8hr day. So, by 5pm that afternoon, I requested to know what the plan was in order to deliver my son. They said we could wait and see if I progressed further or proceed with a c-section, which I was glad to oblige them with doing. We were prepped and ready to go to surgery by 7pm.

Nathaniel Aidan Good was born by c-section at 36 wks 3 days on November 22, 2006, weighing in at 4lbs 12oz (Overland Park Regional Medical Center-Overland Park, Kansas) at 7:20PM. He was a very vibrant boy with some nice lungs-who cried as soon as he was born. Of course this made me as a first time mom, cry hearing my newly born son. It was shortly after he was born, however, that the doctors noticed he was not getting pink enough as babies usually are when they are born. My husband kept especially close to him, not knowing what was wrong as they finished my surgery and was ready to move me to recovery. It was quite nerve racking for me not being able to be there in the NICU, but I was sure my husband, Brian, was keeping a close eye on him for the both of us. Within a few hours, we found out by a cardiologist that Nathaniel was born with a congenital heart defect, transposition of the great arteries. This meant that the positions of the pulmonary artery and the aorta were reversed, causing the blood flow to be going to the incorrect valves. He was not getting the blood needed to his heart or his lungs correctly. We were advised there was a surgery that could be done, where he would have a 90% chance of surviving afterwards. They mentioned they wanted to wait till he weighed at least 5 or 6 lbs though. He looked so normal once I was able to see him-it was somewhat even hard to tell he was not the normal pinkish color that he should be. We of course were just proud to see our first born son. It was also noticed that he had webbed feet and hands.

Shortly after the cardiologist diagnosed him, he was transferred to Children's Mercy Hospital (Kansas City, Missouri). It was hard not to head over to the hospital with him, but my husband was right along the way-keeping me informed on how he was doing. We did end up finding out that it was suggested to do his surgery to correct his condition within 2 weeks of being born. I could not even imagine someone that little and that young having a surgery-a life saving one at that. It was suggested to us as well that if we wanted to correct his webbed feet and hands, that we should wait till he was about 3 months old. We were finally able to hold him for the first time when he was about 9 days old. It was like holding a great treasure that we did not want to see hurt one bit. As he seemed so much like a normal baby, we could not tell there was anything wrong with him. He had such a sweet personality, and I loved to hold his hands or fingers anytime I was close by. He definitely knew that we were there all the time. We got to hear him cry again about a week before his surgery-the only other time was the day he was born. It was so sweet to hear it, even though the nurses said his blood pressure would go up and they sometimes didn't like it. We were told at one time that he was breathing 90% on his own, even though they had oxygen going through him at all times. One day we arrived and they had given him a pacifier. That was one of his favorite things, and he had the best sucking action ever. We could always tell when he was enjoying it the most, because we could always hear him. It was noticed when I was pregnant with Nathaniel how much he liked jazz music as well as some Christian music. He would always kick or move around more when we were listening to it ourselves. He continued to enjoy this music just the same when he was born. We would always read to Nathaniel as well. My husband liked to read any of the Dr Suess books, but the favorite he read was "where the wild things are". My favorite was "Love you forever".

December 7 he was wheeled into surgery-the time I remember right beforehand was holding him and seeing his hands form themselves like they were praying. We will never forget that time, as we know God was there with us from that moment on. The surgery took quite a bit longer than expected as there were small complications halfway through that made them go back into explore. This caused them to find out that his heart and lungs were having problems now that the arteries were correctly transposed. Therefore, he was put on an infant heart and lung transplant machine (ECMO-Extracorporeal Membrane Oxygenation). They said it was a machine used for babies his age when they have under-developed lungs. Needless to say when I saw him on that machine with all the cords and IV's on his little body-it scared me to death. I could not believe my son-only 2 weeks old was as sick as he was, it made me so sad and scared for him and us as a family. I definitely was thankful that he was still around and made it through. We were advised that he should only be on this machine for about a week and they would check things out to see if he was healing anymore.

Within 2 days of having his initial surgery (Dec 9), we were told he was yet again bleeding more than they had expected and had to be sent into surgery again. They said they had noticed a few days earlier that he was coming out of his paralysis more than they had wanted, and said this might have been the reason. Things looked better soon afterwards as they kept him paralyzed more to make sure. Another few days passed (Dec 12), and they tried to take him off the ECMO machine-but his lungs could not handle it as of yet. We were told his heart looked healthy, so they thought they would try again in another 48 hours. December 15 came and they tried again to take Nathaniel off the ECMO machine, but yet again advised the lungs could not handle it. So the doctor decided to try him on an oscilator machine-which was to try to help open his lungs and try again in another few days to remove him from the ECMO machine.

Another worrying surgery came up December 18-as we were told he was bleeding more than expected yet again. They wanted to do a bronchial laposcomy to see if something was going on with either his kidneys or pancreas. We were advised if it was the kidney, that nothing could be done to save him. They had to go into doing an abdominal surgery as they found out it was his pancreas "leaking" but not sure exactly where. They were going to use a blood clotting medicine to help it not proceed and possibly find out where. It seemed within a few minutes that the medicine was taking effect as we saw a nice clot shortly afterwards. So we kept looking up-thinking things were doing fine and we were going to be taking him home soon.

However, just a few days later on December 22, 2006-he finally was completely taken off the ECMO machine. He passed away in my husband's arms shortly afterwards-probably an hour later @1:55PM.

We miss our little son, Nathaniel Aidan Good so much. He will always be our first born and special little boy. I wonder what he would doing right now-if he was still with us. I would love to see how much he had grown, walking and talking. I wonder who he would look like more-me or my husband as we could not really tell during his one month of life. We only wish that we could have had a longer period of time to be a family. We definitely plan to have other kids in the future, but he will always be a special part of our lives. Christmas will always be a hard time for us as we lost him right before, but we know he has a perfect body now-living with Jesus and his grandfather (who passed in 1998 of melanoma skin cancer).

Now you�re in heaven

Dancin� with the angels

No more pain

And no more strife

Only love

And only life

The grace of God�s light

Shines upon your soul

You brought us so much joy and life

You made us feel complete and whole

But God had other plans for you

That much we know to be true

We love you so much our little son

You will always be in our hearts

You will always be on our minds

Cause now you�re dancin� with the angels

God�s love and light

Rain upon your little soul

Written by Brian P. Good

For my son Nathaniel Aidan

June 14, 2007

(an original that would be preferred to not be copied)