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Reality Vs. Real Life - Feb 2nd, 2007It's been played out before, a group of different people all are thrown into a situation and are expected to work together, back-stab, etc, to win the grand prize, which is usually a large sum of money, and a life-time of people saying 'Hey, aren't you that so and so on that show?'.

It's not going to get better any time soon. The perpetual hassle of writing up these annoying ass little programs must fall on a poor little excuse for a human. What exactly is so real about Survivor, or Real World, or Road Rules? Not much of a damn thing except that they're not computer generated. Beyond that, we're just looking at a group of people paid to play a part.

A true Survivor would introduce flesh eating diseases, high explosives randomly placed about the island, rigged to motion sensors, and various other means of wiping out the supposed 'survivors' until there is but one left. And when s/he walks up the ramp to claim the prize, a last trap is set off and if they can get away from it, survive it, etc, they win.

Of course, most probably wouldn't notice the small print at the bottom that signs your life over to me to do with as I wish. *laughs maniacally*

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The recent incident with the 'bomb' scare and the [Adult-Swim] cartoon characters has just reaffirmed my belief that the general populous, or at least the ones that count, are totally retarded, or just not fit for the job. The situation was handled extremely badly. Boston, may their black Yankee hearts burn in hell, is the biggest of the chest thumpers at the moment. Come on... Anyone with a brain could see that it was a prank, or at least NOT a bomb. Boston even expects the Turner Broadcast Group to reimburse them for the money lost when they fucking shut down the city.

Guerrilla Marketing is a great way of bringing the product to you whether you want it or not. Be it the little Moonanite lite bright 'bombs' or the near pathetic Truth campaigns. Truth uses it's information wrong. It's not personal enough to actually shock the public into quitting tobacco. Hell, it's not even enough to make me flick the ash off of my own smoke. As far as I can see, it's a good thing delivered horribly. The answer? New marketing strategies that embrace a new, extremely personal direction of advancement.

Here's an example. Say that they are targeting an age bracket of 16 - 30. To begin with, you wouldn't flat out attack a smoker's habit. They get defensive and are liable to get violent. I know I would be. To get around this, post the benefits of quitting smoking. Show the ACTUAL lab results and comparisons of a smoker and a non smoker and then an ex-smoker. People would listen to camel joe more than their own conscience if they thought that they were benefiting from it. Once you have their attention, don't start attacking quite yet. Let them see what their insides look like, let them see the true negative side effects of smoking, not just these drug addled statistics that they keep putting out.

"Smoking Kills More People Than Murder." I saw that a while back on the Tele. I suppose it's true, but it's simply a whisper in the wind compared to what hell I would rain down upon the heads of those who would stand between me and my nicotina. ^.^
Furious about Fast Ideas from Hollywood - A Mini-trucker RantFurious about Fast Ideas from Hollywood - A Mini-trucker Rant
By: Che$hire & Captain GettlowFebruary 4, 2007"Loud Pipes Save Lives"
Well known saying in the Automotive world.It's been a long night, and we're running low on energy, patience, and various other things. We decided to add another column section to broaden the spectrum of readers to the N3WScronomicon Repertoire. Congrats to our newest member; CAPTAIN GETTLOW!Che$hire: So, now that you know you're not getting paid for this, still interested?Capt. Gettlow: *Nods sagely*Che$hire: Alright, to begin, the column we're about to do is about Hollywood and the negative light that it sheds on the Automotive world and it's sub-cultures, correct?
Capt. Gettlow: Right. Alrighty, I'll go ahead and start. First and foremost, people perceive gear heads as unintelligent grease monkies and wrench swingers. This couldn't be further from the truth. Did you know that physics, geometry, and custom fabrication are involved? For instance physics is heavily involved in the theories of drag racing in general. It's good to know about chemistry as well, seeing as the culture is becoming far more complex as far as fuels, alternative fuels, and power additives go. Without a firm grasp on geometry, you'd be hard pressed to do what some chassis builders are capable of. Though most people believe that little goes into these restorations and or modifications, the true underbelly of the beast is a wee bit more complex.
Che$hire: I'm taking it that Hollywood has sorta taken a good thing and pushed it into the proverbial grave? Or rather, it's twisted the truth of the Automotive world and put a glamorous light on the wrong points in the culture itself?
Capt. Gettlow: True. To bring about a main point of interest, in that line of discussion, one of the main things that can be said from it, taking the line from a film and using it as a reference, "I didn't do it for the money, I did it for the cars." - Begging to be Plucked. Any true automotive enthusiast would scrimp and save to get that dream car, even if it took ten or twenty years to afford it, or at least find a car similar and modify it to be a clone rather than stoop to these glorified standards. Whereas in my opinion the media, being mainstream Hollywood, has glorified such things as Auto-theft,(Illegal) Street Racing, as well as indulged in the ideas that car chases be as dramatic and action packed to a ludicrous extreme.

Che$hire: Movies like Speed Zone, Cannonball Run, Gone in 60 Seconds (the original & new), All the Fast and the Furious Films, and Speed Docudramas are at least half-way to blame for the current chrome cesspool that is quickly becoming the automotive culture?

Capt. Gettlow: In my own personal opinion, Speed Zone, though amusing, was still a cheesy knock-off of Cannonball Run that glamorized the idea of not only gambling, but also the fact that if you do own a high-end, or expensive sports car, that you're not only going to raise hell in it, but destroy property, and be a general menace to common society, but also the common stereotype that if you own a souped up car of any kind, you're automatically trouble and thus trouble to the police.

Che$hire: The Automotive world is no stranger to the Authorities attentions, or am I wrong on that part?

Capt. Gettlow: Nope. Completely correct. The Po-pos really don't like us all that much. I've owned vehicles that have been accused of being too loud, too low, or too dark. (He's referring to the illegal nature of window tints that are too dark.)

Che$hire: Yeah, I remember your old Fairlane. It was quite a beauty.

Capt. Gettlow: *sighs* True, that it was...

Che$hire: Anyway, enough nostalgia and sappy bullshit, back on subject. While we still have a little bit of time before 9:00 a.m. rolls about and we have to find beds, is there anything else you'd like to rant on?

Capt. Gettlow: The pickiness I've seen in the L.A. Police Department.

Che$hire: Pardon? Their 'pickiness'?

Capt. Gettlow: Yes. I know that they are more strict in Los Angeles on D.O.T approved standards, but the fact of having your car towed in on the color of your headlights is ridiculous. Seriously. Getting taken in because you have a color that 'resembles' blue is complete bullshit. Besides that, 'Spearmint' doesn't look anything like blue. But the main fact of the matter is that because his lights were something other than the norm, the police had to put on their big boy attitudes and drag his ass in on a shitty charge. While I understand that modified suspensions can be done poorly, if done by a reputable shop (with receipts), I don't understand why you'd still be hassled if it's done with quality.

Che$hire: The police and most society, I suppose, are afraid of anything they don't understand or can't control. I assume that the Automotive world has given the police the highway salute many times over?

Capt. Gettlow: Yeah. It's safe to say that. Oh, damn, look at the time...

Che$hire: Yeah, I just noticed that. Well, I suppose it's safe to say that this column is basically done. Anything else you would like to say to our readers and the police?

Capt. Gettlow: Hmmmm.... Readers: Don't let the man get you down. If you own a mini-truck, SPARK IT OR PARK IT! Because I'm a mini-trucker through and through. You can get me off the road when you scrape me up with a shovel.

Che$hire: And to the police? *laughs all evil like*

Capt. Gettlow: The more laws you make, the more we'll continue to break. For the people in the Automotive world who want to have fun, it's not about the negative attention, it's all about the fun, and a little about the chaos. Praise the Lowered & Fuck the Police.

Che$hire: Thank you Captain Gettlow. We've just finished this column. Off for a beer?

Capt. Gettlow: Indubitably.

Che$hire: Well folks, we're off. Until the next piece, keep on truckin'.

-Fin-

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