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NAVIGATION
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Welcome
To
My Inner Secret
Are you familiar with SI? Or do you suffer from it?
SI is short for Self Injury. It is also known as self harm (SH), self
destruction, self mutilation, self abuse, parasuicide and many others.
Self injury is a way of coping with too much emotional distress, when
things become too much of a pressure. Self injury is not an attempt of
suicide, but a coping mechanism when all other coping mechanisms fail
to help. For a person who is not known to this subject it may be hard
to understand that persons who do cope with self harm have likely to
have tried other coping mechanisms, before ending up turning to self
injury.
What happens during self injury, is, that the person harms him or
herself, which for some reason releases endorphins in the brain (the
brain’s own drug), a morphine like chemical similar to adrenaline used
to suppress pain, which is also known as a so-called high. Yet this is
a temporary feeling. Which is why the person repeatedly keeps doing it
to feel better in stressful situations. Though some self injurers don’t
always harm themselves in stressful situations, it can turn into a
ritual which they have to do everyday; an obsessive compulsive habit.
The temporary affect to the brain makes it repeatable, that is why it
exists an evil circle and usually makes the self injurers addicted to
this coping mechanism. There are so-called speed bumps included, which
means that sometimes there is an amount of time where they do not harm
themselves, which could be days or weeks or months, perhaps years and
suddenly it can return. This may affect family and friends to believe
that the self injurer is passed harming themselves, which is not the
case. In all cases it can always return and it is very important that
the self injurer gets the support needed to overcome it once again.
Always be aware of its return.
Some may say that when you are first a self injurer you will always be. It
may make friends and family think that they failed to stop the harming,
which could make the self injurers feel like failures, which is not
right. For how long you manage to stop, for each second and minute of
the time, makes you allowed to feel proud. The loved ones do not always
know how to tackle it or know what to expect when someone fall back on
the harming. It does not mean all hope is lost, it just means that it
will always be there and there is not any minute in your life where you
can actually declare yourself SI free.
Statistics
It is impossible to actually say how many self harm, because many do not seek for help, they feel too ashamed and keep it a secret. Yet by research, statistics say that most females tend to self injure much more than males. From
the age of 13 there happens to be three times more females attending
hospitals caused by self harm than males. Not all self harming need
hospitalizing, so it is never accurate to say how many actually self
injure. Also, it is more usual for teens to be self injuring than
younger or older.
Telling About It
Why do people suffering from self injury not confide in others for
help? I have met many people myself, who told me to go get help in a
very demeaning tone, because I was in their eyes a freak. They did not
tend to think that maybe I was already searching for help, but got
turned down.
Seeking professional help is not an easy thing to do. That is why most
would rather seek help by someone they know or someone they do not have
to pay to be listening. Professional help is very expensive and someone
has to pay the bill. But basically, the problem is never seeking
professional help, but confiding in someone. Many websites advice
suffering people to confide in a teacher, a trusted family member or a
friend. Or perhaps their parents. But what if everything in the world
is a problem to this self injurer, which means their friends are fucked
up, their teachers are enemies and their parents do not care for a
second? Where to confide, I ask. Even so this person had a friend and
was wondering how to tell or even if he or she should tell, there would
be several things to consider or to worry about. Would this friend be
able to keep a secret or would he or she tell the whole world? Or would
this person panic and go nuts or would the person think the self
injurer was a freak and sick in the head and run away? If so this
person was planning to tell a parent, he or she would be terrified to
end up at a mental institution or sent to a therapist to tell about
everything or to be forced to show their self injuries and be checked
every day and night that no new injuries were made. A coping mechanism
would be stopped abruptly and would change everything mentally. He or
she would feel totally unaware of what to do, he or she would only feel
observed all the time and basically punished. Think about it. Reconsider. Contemplate. This person could fear he or she would not even be allowed to go out in the kitchen anymore. No one wants to show their arms or areas of where the injuries are hidden, unless they really feel they can trust this person and that they will not feel horrified. But many times, it is just not the
case. What this person really needs is a friend or family member,
parent or teacher to confide in, where this confided person can be
surprised, but act carrying and happy that they dared to tell them.
Therefore they could take the step to trust someone and not feel alone
anymore. Actually, there would be someone to comfort them in bad times
and be able to give them support. But there is also a side affect with
this. A confided person does not have a life long support archive.
There is a limit to how much comforting you can do until you break down.
This confided person may feel he or she is wasting her or his time,
because it feels like there is never any progress. But what this person
really has to realize, is that, there just are no sudden changes and
could take years, but also only months, weeks, days, hours, minutes or only seconds. You either stick with it and stay a good friend or support person or you fail to help and take away the self injurers hope. For this confided person to survive with the support, perhaps he or she should reconsider someone else to confide in, so he or she would not be alone to help carrying the burden for the self injurer. Because when a self injurer confides in someone it is to not be alone carrying a personal burden, a deep hole of pain, and before the confided person knows it, it could be too much pain for even two persons. These things can happen and it hurts like
hell. That is why it is sometimes good to not confide in only one
person. But confide in more, so it is easier to share the pain. Yet
many people who do get confided in feel that they need to tell someone
else who could really help this person in need. Like they would feel
they would need to tell the person’s parents, which is also where a
huge issue could arrive. The self injurer has for some reason not
confided in all the other people where the new support person wants to
confide the same problem to. The self injurer needs TIME to be able to
confide in others. No one should do it for them, unless this person was
in severe life danger. Self injurers need to feel ready before they
confide in people and should never feel pressured. It is a shameful
subject to reveal, as their problems look as though they created
themselves. Understanding is a very important issue in this matter and should be considered highly. I understand if the support person would be doubting the self injurers safety, but self injurers mainly know what they do and don't, but of course - do not shut your eyes.
Misunderstandings
People judge self injurers. They judge them A LOT. Mainly because it is
a deep well of something that is different, something totally horrid to
them. When you live your normal life, have fun with your friends and
perhaps go to school or work you do not think about murders, rapes,
crimes or reality. When you first realize it really exists it takes
away your hold on the ground. Some people are simply just shocked and
do not know how to react, but even though this could be a great excuse I
am not going for it. No wonder if someone was telling about a murder
they did, a rape or a crime, but this is not the case at all. If
someone tells someone they are sad and they hurt themselves, because it
makes them feel better, tell me, why does someone have to freak out?
This person is not hurting anyone, because they are sad, they are doing
nothing to anyone. They harm themselves, because something made them
get this far. You have to be an idiot, if you cannot see something is
clearly wrong and you could be of help. Why is it that you cannot
behave, then? I have met people who called me freak, attention seeker,
psycho and much more. Let me first add that a freak is usually someone
who is born differently, also to mention it is a horrible word and
truly mean. Second of all, attention seeking by harming yourself must
truly be sick, this I will also get back to. A psychopath is someone
who does NOT show feelings and do not care about anyone else and do not
think much of consequences (also known to have a pretty high IQ), which
is the total opposite (do not mind the IQ thing here..). Self injurers
DO show feelings, that is what the whole concept in SI is. That is only
another huge misunderstanding, which, if I may say, must be generally
said by total braindeads. And that is a fact. I also like to call these
misunderstanding persons for ignorant assholes, because they at times
claim to know everything about such a subject, depression mainly, and
have a tendency to talk about how they could EASILY manage to get by
with sadness without harming themselves. Now what those persons forget,
is, that persons have different coping levels, which means not everyone
can cope with as much as someone else. Here I have to mention that when
someone harms themselves the seriousness of the injuries have got
nothing to do with the seriousness of the emotional distress. It is not
a way of judging how a person really feels. If someone self harms by
scratching oneself, where another self harms by making deep and large
open cuts, you just cannot tell which one of them is in most pain. Also
to mention there is no such thing as a “I feel worse than you” contest
involved, so it is not even important who feels worse, because when they
self injure they seriously must need help. Another common thing about
ignorant people, is, that they can come up with a lot of meaningless
questions. Those I have met were like “What if you’re going to date a
guy, what will you tell him when he sees the scars and he’d think
you’re sick?” “What will you answer when your children one day ask
about your scars?” “Why do you complain about life when people in the
world feel a lot worse and are starving to death?” “Someone with cancer
would be fighting for their life, but you have yours intact and don’t
even care?” I must say, those are some very stupid questions. The first
question I answer with this: If I date a guy he must be someone I trust
very highly, who I know I can confide in, and he would probably already
be aware of the self injury, before we would start to date. Also those types exist and do not have to think you are sick. If you meet a guy or a girl who thinks that about you, he or she is just not the right type for you.
Second question, if you get kids they will most likely be brought up to know this problem you have and be on your side. Kids ask, it is normal. If they did not know, it is not normal. Third question, here is a rule. Never fucking compare pain to others. Pain will NEVER be the same. Mental illnesses and physical illnesses are not the same. Cannot be. Ever. There is the answer for that one. Also, if you are a cutter and suicidal it is probably because your
life is fucked up and something is totally wrong. Someone with cancer
could have a splendid life, but is dying anyway. If you could switch
lives, perhaps they would have. The suicidal one dies of cancer and the
other one returns to their life. But people really need to realize it
is never a thing for comparison. They both deserve life.
As many people tend to judge you if you self harm it makes it even
harder to seek help. Because if you mention it or talk openly about it
you will be named attention seeker. Not very fair, is it? How can you
possibly confide in anyone, if it makes you seek attention? Is it
actually wrong to seek attention, may I ask? If you do not have any
friends and nobody cares about you, what does that make you become?
Everyone is a human being, it is pure nature to have attention and
thing is, if you never get any it is going to drive you insane. To seek
attention is normal, it could not be less natural. You need persons and
people to care about you to go on, if you do not it is going to ruin you.
Everyone feels sad if someone someday keeps you out of the friends
group. Means lack of attention also. Or if you have a sibling and that
person gets more attention from your parents than yourself. The world
is about attention. If you were “an attention seeking freak” you would live
in Paris and show yourself naked to people in the subways everyday.
People just do not get what attention is really like anymore. This I
will get back to. Because there really are people who cut for
attention. But I will add saying that those who may seem to be seeking
attention are just screaming for help. Self injury is too serious to
use getting attention. It means that if someone is entirely using the
harming only for attention, and not when sad or distressed, something
is also clearly wrong in that matter, but is a total different
situation.
It also occurs that people say to you: “Next time you consider doing
it, think about it twice. Is it really worth it? You will carry those
scars for the rest of your life. You can’t wear T-shirts or go
swimming. Really, think about it. You may get infections. And then
you’d have to go to the doctor and everyone will know. Is it really
worth it?”
So much I can answer to this. If you EVER consider doing harm to
yourself, please write in my guest book. Because I just cannot believe
why anyone so distressed and hurt should ever have the mind for
CONSIDERING it. No, it is about right here, right now. Not in the
future. It is about the pain you feel in this second. It is why you
react and harm yourself. If you cannot wear T-shirts, so be it. Your
need to express your pain is more important, even if it is not a good
way of doing it. You do not think about the future. You cannot even
imagine that you have one. It IS NOT worth it. And you know it. But it
does not matter. Your pain is exploding inside of you, it has either
blocked your tears or has taken all the blockades away. If you do not
even feel you are worth anything what would scars matter? People who do
not self injure does NOT understand these feelings. Do NOT expect
anyone will. Only people like you know it. They feel the same. It makes
you NOT alone. Whatever people may say to you, this was never your
fault! NEVER. Do not care what others judge you for, as long as you
do not forget why you harm yourself. When you are ready to stop, you
stop. Do not stop if you are not ready, take time. Make yourself safe.
Do not feel pressured by anyone, they have no right. This is YOUR body.
It is your choice whether you want to stop or not. Even though people
say it is bad, which may even be true as in inflicting harm to your own
body tissue is considered bad as you also feel body pain at the same
time, it is all in your pace. Do not feel guilty. People may feel hurt
for what you do to yourself, but it is YOUR pain. Do not accept people
giving you guilt trips.
Why do they hurt themselves?
There is no accurate answer to this. All self injurers have their own
reason, which may not be one they want to share. On the net you may
find people saying physical abuse in early childhood, changes in life,
death or loss of a loved one or a difficult childhood such as being a
victim of bullying. Not all reasons are these. They can be anything and
all should be accepted. Many judge without thinking; they should
clearly shut up until a detailed reason has been told. Many forget that
a reason is just not one word, but could be a whole life story. All we
know at this moment, is, that the self injurers have a good enough
reason to harm themselves and a need to express pain which cannot be
told in words.
Many do not understand why someone, even in so much pain, could
ever turn into physical harming. “Doesn’t it hurt?” they ask. These
people may not even know that the pain can be one of the reasons why
someone self injures. Many have different reasons; some do it for the
pain, others for the amount of blood or damage. But they simply do not
understand that the pain is important. If it hurts it is just exactly
what helps. Transferring a mental pain into a physical helps the
suffering to forget whatever is constantly on their mind. As in "I just hit my knee. It hurts. Now something cut off my finger, this is where my attention now lies, because it hurts differently." You cannot see a mental pain. But you can with the physical one, you can even so care for it. You can see that you are hurt. It distracts the attention from problems which race in your mind. Whether or not they feel pain when it helps, it is not what matters. They do not need courage to do so. It does not count. They do not say “ouch” while doing it. It is very different being in control of their own pain than when it happens by
accident.
Your rights as a self harmer:
1. The right to caring, humane medical treatment.
Self-injurers should receive the same level and quality of care that a
person presenting with an identical but accidental injury would
receive. Procedures should be done as gently as they would be for
others. If stitches are required, local anesthesia should be used.
Treatment of accidental injury and self-inflicted injury should be
identical.
2. The right to participate fully in decisions about emergency
psychiatric treatment (so long as no one's life is in immediate danger).
When a person presents at the emergency room with a self-inflicted
injury, his or her opinion about the need for a psychological
assessment should be considered. If the person is not in obvious
distress and is not suicidal, he or she should not be subjected to an
arduous psych evaluation. Doctors should be trained to assess
suicidality/homicidality and should realize that although referral for
outpatient follow-up may be advisable, hospitalization for
self-injurious behavior is rarely warranted.
3. The right to body privacy.
Visual examinations to determine the extent of injury should be
performed only when absolutely necessary and done in a way that
maintains the patient's dignity. Many who SI have been abused; the
humiliation of a strip-search is likely to increase the amount and
intensity of future self-injury while making the person subject to the
searches look for better ways to hide the marks.
4. The right to have the feelings behind the SI validated.
Self-injury does not occur in a vacuum. The person who self-injures
usually does so in response to distressing feelings, and those feelings
should be recognized and validated. Although the care provider might
not understand why a particular situation is extremely upsetting, she
or he can at least understand that it *is* distressing and respect the
self-injurer's right to be upset about it.
5. The right to disclose to whom they choose only what they choose.
No care provider should disclose to others that injuries are
self-inflicted without obtaining the permission of the person involved.
Exceptions can be made in the case of team-based hospital treatment or
other medical care providers when the information that the injuries
were self-inflicted is essential knowledge for proper medical care.
Gossiping about any patient is unprofessional.
6. The right to choose what coping mechanisms they will use.
No person should be forced to choose between self-injury and treatment.
Outpatient therapists should never demand that clients sign a no-harm
contract; instead, client and provider should develop a plan for
dealing with self-injurious impulses and acts during the treatment. No
client should feel they must lie about SI or be kicked out of
outpatient therapy. Exceptions to this may be made in hospital or ER
treatment, when a contract may be required by hospital legal policies.
7. The right to have care providers who are not afraid of SI.
Those who work with clients who self-injure should keep their own fear,
revulsion, anger, anxiety, etc. out of the therapeutic setting. This is
crucial for basic medical care of self-inflicted wounds but holds for
therapists as well. A person who is struggling with self-injury has
enough baggage without taking on the prejudices and biases of their
care providers.
8. The right to have the role SI has played as a coping mechanism
validated.
No one should be shamed, admonished, or chastised for having
self-injured. Self-injury works as a coping mechanism, sometimes for
people who have no other way to cope. They may use SI as a last-ditch
effort to avoid suicide. The self-injurer should be taught to honor the
positive things that self-injury has done for him/her while recognizing
that the negatives of SI far outweigh those positives and that it is
possible to learn methods of coping that aren't as destructive and
life-interfering.
9. The right not to be automatically considered a dangerous person simply because of self-inflicted injury.
No one should be put in restraints or locked in a treatment room in an
emergency room solely because his or her injuries are self-inflicted.
No one should ever be involuntarily committed simply because of SI;
physicians should make the decision to commit based on the presence of
psychosis, suicidality, or homicidality.
10. The right to have self-injury regarded as an attempt to communicate, not manipulate.
Most people who hurt themselves are trying to express things they can
say in no other way. Although sometimes these attempts to communicate
seem manipulative, treating them as manipulation only makes the
situation worse. Providers should respect the communicative function of
SI and assume it is not manipulative behavior until there is clear
evidence to the contrary.
You are very much welcome to leave a comment in my Guestbook.
I expect no vicious comments in my guestbook.
They will not be tollerated.
If anyone wish to email me, you may:
dark_angelic@msn.com
CONTENT ©
Contact me if you wish to discuss anything further.
Glimt
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Counting from 28th May 2006 17:54
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