I am Sultan Ali-Ali Achsenfree, benevolent ruler of the great nation of Mustachistan, and I bid you welcome to our website! Mustachistan is a poor nation, and lacks much in indoor plumbing, but we are a proud people and blessed with many goats and derelict automobiles. I invite you to peruse our website, learn about our country and culture and maybe buy some goat's milk on the way. Enjoy your visit! The Mustachistan Flag A Mustachistani Goatherder Mustachistan was founded in 1718 when Sultan Ibn Tutin was expelled from the Ottoman Court for cheating at cards and making prank calls to prayer from the minaret of the local mosque. Gathering his retinue, which included his 16 wives, 47 children, 14 professional gamblers, 6 used wagon salesmen, a mad Albanian monk, a bearded lady from the local circus and about 300 goats, Ibn traveled east seeking a new home. Answering an ad in the local newspaper, he purchased some worthless desert land and thereupon established the Mustachistani nation. Within weeks of their arrival, the capital city of Al-Kaleye had grown to a dozen single-wide huts, surrounded by hound dogs, empty Ouzo bottles, wagons up on blocks and hundreds of goats. And so things remained for nearly 200 years. Mustachistan drowsed as a quiet backwater, content to raise goats and forge welfare checks; life only enlivened by bingo night at the Sultan's Palace Casino. The principal export of Mustachistan was goat's milk, and the principal buyer of said milk was the neighboring nation of Schlepistan. But in 2003 the Schlepistani government, needing to finance a new double-wide palace for its Sultan, placed an import tax on Mustachistani goat's milk. The Mustachistanis were outraged, and halted the export of goat's milk to Schlepistan. To this, the Schlepistanis responded by buying a cow; thus, the sole export of Mustachistan was no longer needed. Enraged, the Mustachistani Sultan, Ali-Ali Achsenfree mobilized his Army, and sent all five soldiers to invade and conquer Schlepistan. And to get rid of that cow. Alarmed, Schlepistan also mobilized, and sent their ten soldiers to repel the invaders. Out-numbered, the Mustachistanis fell back rapidly, and within minutes the Schlepistanis invaded Mustachistan. By the end of the day, Mustachistan had fallen to the Schlepistani Army, and the Mustachistanis were sent packing, literally. Mustachistan was absorbed into Schlepistan and the Mustachistani people became refugees. A quaint scene from Old Mustachistan Map of Old Mustachistan The Mustachistanis traveled south, through Sneakistan, Sinistan and Ekstremistan, before finally boarding the S.S. Rustbukit bound for the greener pastures of Ethiopia. Unfortunately, the S.S. Rustbukit wasn't actually headed for Ethiopia, and instead, six long months later, the Mustachistanis landed in California. California did not take well to 300 Mustachistanis and 700 goats appearing on their doorstep, and sent them packing...to Nevada. Nevada, already at war with California, was accustomed to refugees of this sort and worse, and took little notice of the arrival of the Mustachistanis. So, in the high desert valleys and dusty back roads of the Silver State, the wandering Mustachistanis had finally found a home. A quaint scene from New Mustachistan Map of New Mustachistan Today's Mustachistan is much different than the Old Country, largely in location. Otherwise, life remains the same as it always has for these traditional people, herding goats, drinking Ouzo, and playing bingo down at the new Sultan's Palace Casino. The new homeland of Mustachistan is Nevada, a mountainous, desert land so hated by its own government that they tried for twenty years to destroy it with nuclear weapons, and persist to this day in wanting to dump nuclear waste and surplus Californians there. Surely a place so despised will not be missed, so the Mustachistanis claim it as their own. Except Las Vegas. Who needs that headache? To be sure, now that the Mustachistani claim is staked, there will be opposition. But the Mustachistanis have prevailed before, and they will prevail again! E-mail our government here! Our Brave Mustachistani Troops! On May 22nd, 2006, Mustachistan declared war on the Republic of Molossia, our former friend and mentor. Repeated violations of our sovereign territory, especially at a place called the River Park, made this sad state of affairs inevitable. This is very unfortunate, and could have been avoided if that hard-headed cruel dictator of Molossia, Mr. Baugh, had just listened to the inspired words of our Great Sultan Ali, and stayed away from the River Park. Oh, well, his loss. Now we will have to teach those arrogant Molossians a lesson, and bring them to their knees! UPDATE! The War with Molossia is over. Molossia succeeded in defeating our valiant Army after two battles, and forced a peace treaty upon us. We have been required to relinquish all claims to Molossian territory, and pay minor reparations. This we will do, but through clenched teeth. Mustachistan may have lost the war, but we are unvanquished as a nation. We will return! Click Here for a War Message from the Sultan of Mustachistan! Our Mighty Goatshead Rocket! On November 12, 2006, our nation has launched its first rocket in our quest to share the skies with other nations. This new rocket is named the "Goatshead", after the thorny bushes that dot the Mustachistan landscape. It is hoped that the Goatshead will be a thorn in the side of our enemies. Our rocket is most certainly for peaceful purposes, but we do of course reserve the right to use its might for the defense of our nation. Mustachistan's enemies are many and we must defend ourselves if attacked. All hail the brave and resouceful scientists that have made this breakthrough possible. Here's to the proud future of our glorious nation! Click Here for a movie of the mighty Goatshead Rocket, taken at the Super-Secret Tahr Rocket Facility! Click Here for a message from the Sultan of Mustachistan, about the Goatshead Rocket! UPDATE! Molossia invaded our nation our December 2nd, 2006 with their troops and have destroyed our rocket!! This outrage will be avenged!! In related news, the nation of Acadame North has shown its support for Mustachistan in this crisis. They state: ''The Government of Acadame North has condemned the Molossian government, on it's attack on Mustachistani soil. The Acadame North Government pledged full support to the Mustachistani Government and people, offering its resources for the defense of the nation of Mustachistan. The government warned sanctions on Molossia if its violent behavior does not stop and an official apology is made.'' (Source Acadame North Government Website Recent News) The Mustachistan Government deeply appreciates the support of Acadame North, and we pledge our loyalty to them!