just like stand-up comics!

Ah, my life is so warped. My friends are strange, my family is strange... Hell, I'M strange! So, with all this strangeness it's only natural that we'd say some pretty funny things now and then. All these quotes were said by people in my life- some of them by me, even. Some may only be funny to certain people, for being inside jokes and such, but I don't think anyone visits this site anyway, so who cares, right?

No, Cappy, you DON?T LIKE JELLYBEANS. ? My mom, to my cat Cappuccino.

Aren?t hippies supposed to break the rules, not strictly enforce them by pain of death by GOD?! - Me, on the subject of Orthodox-Jewish Hippes

Some have wings! -stupid flying motion- - My dad, on the subject of sanitary pads

Uh, Houston? We got a problem... There was, uh, an explosion or something in the cabin, and, uhm... Flight Leader McCallum is kinda blocking the hole with his butt. He's slipping, and we're afraid he's going to get sucked right outta here... - My dad, being, well, my dad

I can hear it now... 'She was kidnapped by a ninja from Las Vegas!' - My Language Arts teacher, when we told her we wouldn't let her go to physical therapy during our class period.

Don't open the test, or I'll have to kill you... and today, the state lets me! - My Language Arts teacher, being one-part frightening and two-parts hilarious.

Hey, you're gonna catch scoliosis! - My friend Kent... Being a freakin' moron.

I need a dictionary... That means eat your fucking sandwich! ? My friend Lyn, after realizing she hadn't done her homework, to my friend Jennifer, who was taking too long to eat her sandwich.

Now class, today I want to talk to you about something VERY important... LEECH-ANTS and PU-MAS. - My friend Lyn imitating Ms. Deaton, who pronounces 'Lichens' and 'Pumice' in THE weirdest way, apparently.

Class, this is Sex Education- it's about STDs and the law, NOT about sexual techniques and KINKINESS. - My science teacher Ms. Tynes. Just the way she said it, and the fact that she not so young...

Hi, my name is Leah, and she's Jeni- Wait. What?! - Me. The joke here is, MY name is Jeni and the person I was introducing was Leah, and that I only said this because someone said, 'Geeze, can you even keep your own names straight?'

It'ssnargouthara. - My friend Erika. Translation? 'It's gray out there!'

You build the cockpit, I'll build the engine, we'll meet in New Mexico, put the rocket together and GO TO THE MOON! - Me, to my 'net friend

Penis + STD = SEA CUCUMBER. - Matt, who sat next to me while we were watching the Sex Ed slideshow (Complete with pictures! -bleeding eyes-)

Look class! I'M THE MOON! - Austin, imitating one of the school's most made-fun of teachers, Ms. Deaton, as told to me by Matt

STUPID! You don't kill the sheep when you get the cotton from it! - One of my friend's friends, Reily. You will see that this one line started something.

... OH! I get it! Sheep don't give cotton! - Jennifer, a few weeks after she said this and we all laughed

Oh, so cotton balls DON'T come from sheep? OH YEAH! Cotton is a PLANT! ... What comes from sheep, then? - Emily, being oh-so-brilliant

YOU GET WOOL FROM COTTON, DAMMIT! WAIT! WE MEAN SHEEP! - Nearly all of us who heard Emily say that.

... Whoa, where did my hair go? - Me, don't ask. -sweatdrop-

Q: Why do we have to ride the mentally/physically handicapped bus?
A: Because we're special! - Me asking Leah why our bus was switched. I thought it was a pretty good response!

You want my BIBLE EGGS?! - Erika, to me, when I asked her if, when she died, I could have her bible-esque Hitchhikers Guide to the Galaxy book

Q: So if I ate someone's brain who had HIV, I could get HIV? - Erica (NOT ERIKA)
A: YES, Cannibal Lector. -My science teacher in response

You mean the AIDS epidemic started because someone screwed a monkey? - I can't remember who, but someone in my science class- I think Joseph. Yes, my class is full of morons, can y'tell?

Q: Why do you girls have to be so... Girly?!
A: Because we have ovaries? - A different Joseph asking why girls were girly, with my friend Erika blurting out an answer that mentally scared Will (Who didn't talk at all)

That doesn't look like how you spell Jorge... It looks like it should be pronounced whore-gee... OH MY GOD ORGY! - Adventures in Spanish class. Erika said that, after she named a guy she had just drawn Jorge, with Maureen and I trying to figure out how to spell it.

Ooh! Get old lady Wilkins out on her bike- LET'S GO OVER THE RAINBOW! - Me, in response to one of my 'net ing friends saying that her neighborhood went out to look for tornadoes during a watch.

Llamas have NO PLACE in BOHEMIA! - Me. Don't ask, 'kay? My friend and I were arguing about llamas and, of course, Bohemia.

It's- A- UNICORN! Clop clop clop clop! - My friend Erika, making up a song about unicorns.

Kokoro Kajin: FLY, MIGUEL, FLY!
AidanRaccoon: FLLLLLYYY MY SMEX-AY SPANYARD! XDDD - Those of you who have ever seen 'The Road to El Dorado', you know EXACTLY what Spiky (AidenRaccoon) and I (Kokoro Kajin) are talking about. If not, DIE. XD

AidanRaccoon: XDDDD Gaw this is SO WEIRD. XDDD We're rating Sinbads smexiness due to his coming back and looking like Miguel... XD
Kokoro Kajin: XDDDDDDDD!!
Hey! What's wrong with that? Miguel IS THE SMEX.
(And you should note, I don't even have conversations like this with my female friends. XD)
AidanRaccoon: XD And you're having this conversation with a GUY who lives in South Dakota. XD
AidanRaccoon: Hell yeah he is. =O
Kokoro Kajin: Exactly! So, in other words, things REALLY can't get any weirder for me. So long as you're not a child preditor who's going to show up in Texas dressed as Miguel to abduct me, I don't care.

Wait. That would be awsome.

WHATEVER. XD - Spiky and I again. XD We have WEIRD discussions. This was when we were watching 'The Road to El Dorado' together, more or less. (Note he lives in South Dakota, and I in Texas. We started at the same time, though, so it kinda worked. XD) And the fact that we were discussing our mutual love of Miguel, when he's male and I'm female, wasn't even odd. >w<

My boob screams for vengence! - My friend Erika, after I accidentally hit her with a softball while playing catch in an althetic goods store. >w<

You want to go out for lunch? -My sister
Sure, let me put pants on. - Me. You must understand that I have the habit of sleeping in an oversized t-shirt [usually my Times Square Subway shirt or the shirt I got from the Geek Lecture (also known as the Edison Lecture Series: Mircroprocessers. It was actually pretty good...)] and underwear, so it actually makes some sort of sense.

Y'know, I didn't notice it before, but Jennifer Nettles sounds a lot like Bon Jovi during this song... - My sister, as we were listening to the FOURTH track on the 'Have a Nice Day' CD, which is 'Who Says You Can't Go Home' SOLO VERSION. XD So, pretty much, she didn't realize it wasn't a duet, and that only Bon Jovi was singing. (I lost it SO FREAKIN' BADLY.)

Well, let me take a wack at it... Literally. - Me. My sister was making dumplings for me, but they had frozen into one solid mass and she couldn't get them apart, so I came to rescue and wacked away at it with a meat tenderizer. XD

Kokoro Kajin: Minion?
AidanRaccoon: XDDD Think petpet.
Kokoro Kajin: Aaahhh!
AidanRaccoon: XDDDD
Kokoro Kajin: XD! Meant as 'ahh, I see' not 'OMGSCAWY!'
AidanRaccoon: XDDDDDDDD I FIGURED.- Spiky'n I again. XD

AidanRaccoon: YOU GOT THE BRA!!!
AidanRaccoon: =DDDDD
Kokoro Kajin: You gave me a BRA?
AidanRaccoon: The most sacred of all items. the Dawn Bra.- An item on Subeta is a bra. NO KIDDING. Spiky and I were item bombing each other, and he wound up giving me a BRA. -gonk-

I'm getting so old that I can't even count how old I am on my fingers! - My sister
... You're NINETEEN. You haven't been able to count your age on your hands for NINE YEARS! - Me- My sister is a frickin' moron sometimes. XD She's went around all day going, 'Do you know who's birthday it is? Do you?' Gaaaawd.

It'd be AWESOME if they really had a G-string club! - Some guy at Fishbowl. Jeff? I dunno, he was wearing a 'Proud to be Catholic' shirt.

Oh, and if you're going to sneak out of the school, don't go through the front door. That's the DUMBEST thing you could possibly do! - My Fishbowl councilors Ellen and David. They were IDIOTS and spent the time they had with us telling us how to sneak out of the school and not to eat at the plaza nearby the school if we did sneak out because the teachers lurked there.

And we make muffins with the best kind of love, gay AND straight love!' - The girl at the booth for 'The Gay-Straight Alliance', which, but some weird, bizarre fluke of fate, I wound up joining. o.o; I believe in tolerance, and in gay rights, but I've a feeling that being in the club = you being a homosexual, which I'm not. Oh, well.

Nolan: I'm terrible with names. Let me get this right. Jeni, Erika. Jeni, Erika. Jeni- Me: Uh, you're getting it wrong... I'm Jeni, she's Erika... Nolan: Jeni, Erika. Jeni, Erika. Jeni, Erika- Me: STOP IT. YOU'RE FREAKIN' WRONG! - Fishbowl, again. That guy was weird.

Yeah, but it's hard to sing along to... Er... Instra... Instra... Instraminstrel? INSTRAMENTAL! - A girl in my dance class, Julie. She rocks. XD

A pire on a fumpkin. - Julie again. XD This was when I was complaining about the color of our practise dance shirts (BRIGHT VIBRANT ORANGE), so I said, 'In an orange shirt, I look like a pumpkin. A pumpkin on fire.' And then, she said this. We laughed. XD

Everyone thinks hippos are so nice, but they're actually pretty violent. It's really, 'Oh, what a cute- ow, you're mean, watch out for that hippo!' - Mr. Bray said something to the effect of this, I think. XD It was weird.

There's no recipie for a good essay. It isn't like two eggs, a cup of flour... - We've got this timed essay coming up in W.A.S., and so we were asking 'How should we write it?'. And my MALE teacher automatically launches into a memorized recipie for chocolate chip cookies. He does this frequently.

But that's covered in Sex Education, and we're not going to have sex until later... Whoa, that was poorly said! - My science teacher. XD The entire class went, 'WTF?!' when he said that. It was funneh.

When you get it'll, there'll be no more talk, just surgery. - My friend, when she was pushing me to by Tramau Center: Under the Knife, which I did wind up buying. (I have a DS; she doesn't.)

So wait, it's a sing-off between a ninja, a Nobody and a Clow Card? -Well, two of my Gaia friends and I were making a Kareoke Contest RP... And it was between Sasuke (from Naruto), Demyx (From Kingdom Hearts II) and The Voice (Cardcaptor Sakura). 'Nuff said.

Sephiroth killed Aerith.

-don't need to put spoiler alert 'cause god, anyone who particularly cares knows already. XD- - Speaks for itself, if you're a gammer. I'm doing this cosplay series, and a friend of mine didn't get it when I said, 'Akira and Yumi (Who are dating, or at least SHOULD be dating >D) as Sephiroth and Aerith (YESIKNOWIT'SWEIRDGAWD)'
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