One of the most closely guarded secrets in Springfield is Moe the bartender's last name. It's Szyslak, he'll tell you, but why the hell are you asking? Even more closely guarded are details of Moe's personal life. Outside of pulling taps at Moe's Tavern, the bartender seems to spend at least part of his time at the shooting range (he's a charter member of the Springfield Gun Club) and bowling with his league team, the Pin Pals. No one knows how Moe has managed to keep his bar open all these years--most nights there are only three or four regulars, and his efforts to change the place into a family restaurant failed on account of his uncontrollable rage. But many suspect that he is still receiving residual checks from his stint as a child actor on the Our Gang show back in the '40s. Moe was the ugly kid.

The Good Lord has been very good to Ned Flanders, thank you very much. Not only was he blessed with his lovely wife, Maude, but together they raised two special little Christian Soldiers, Rod and Todd. Sadly, the Lord took Maude from Ned in a tragic NASCAR accident and now Ned must raise his boys alone. He lives in one of the best-kept houses in Evergreen Terrace, and the Leftorium, his left-handed-only retail business, is booming. There isn't much for Ned to complain about. Except for his neighbor, Homer Simpson, and all of his swearing on the other side of the fence. Oh, and there's Reverend Lovejoy, who's devout but, well sir, not quite pious. And, well, there's always the traumatic memories of Ned's childhood, during which he was raised by overly tolerant beatnik parents who fostered creativity and independence in their boy. Other than that, Ned can't really complain. Everything is pretty okilly-dokilly.

Maude was a woman of many gifts: faith, chastity, charity and the most come-hither eyelashes in the town of Springfield. Happily married to Ned Flanders, she was the proud mother of Rod and Todd, in whom she had instilled her unwavering piety. While she did not work, Maude was a busy homemaker and a tireless advocate for the children of Springfield, whose innocence is so often soiled by the evils of cartoon violence, liberal education and the insidious influences of popular culture. Even though she spent much of her free time in prayer and reading the Bible, Maude was known to let her hair (and her neckline) down for the occasional dinner party at the home of her neighbors, the Simpsons. Then she died in a terrible accident.

Rod       Todd

Rod prays. He prays first thing in the morning and last thing before bed. He prays for God to watch over him and his little brother, Todd. He prays for the success of his father's business. He also prays for all of the naughty little boys and girls, like his neighbour Bart Simpson, who are too bad to pray for themselves. Aside from praying, Rod enjoys playing wholesomely with his brother and eating lots of nachos, Flanders-style ("That's cucumbers with cottage cheese!"). His one regret is that he cannot pray at school.

Todd is the youngest and most impressionable member of the happy Flanders clan. When exposed to profanity (for example, from over the fence as Homer Simpson curses his way through mowing the lawn), little Todd starts to curse a blue streak himself. Chalk it up to immaturity, or relentless sheltering by his parents, Ned and Maude--whenever Todd comes into contact with anything outside of his family and their pious ways (like the time he was tricked into eating a Pixie Stick by Bart Simpson), he seems to get nasty. Todd's proudest moments have been when he tied Bart in the mini-golf championship and when he played Jesus in the Springfield Christmas Pageant.

Apu seems to work at the Kwik-E-Mart 24 hours a day, seven days a week. But please don't be thinking it's only work that Apu is having on his mind, my goodness, no! He manages to spend some of his free time with his wife Manjula and his brother Sanjay. Apu peddles the usual Kwik-E-Mart fare (at remarkably high prices): luscious heat-lamp dogs, chewy frozen microwave burritos, and the ever popular squishee. Apu himself doesn't eat any of this stuff himself since, in keeping with his Hindu beliefs, he is a strict vegan. To Apu's great disappointment, his attempt to bridge the gap between East and West with tofu dogs, curry crullers, and chutney Squishees met with resounding disinterest from customers.

Clancy Wiggum is the chief of the Springfield Police Department, the long, pudgy arm of the law. After battling acne and asthma during his childhood and adolescence, Chief Wiggum grew (and grew and grew) into the imposing man that he is today. His two greatest successes as a crime fighter were solving the attempted murder of C. Montgomery Burns by Maggie Simpson (a dream led Wiggum to the main clue), and the capture and arrest of Sideshow Bob after he kidnapped the Simpson family and crashed their houseboat. Wiggum's greatest success as a man is his son Ralph Wiggum, a special little boy who plays with special little friends, none of whom are visible to anyone else. Other than that, Wiggum considers it a success if he can even get out of bed in the morning. If that doesn't tire him out too much, he might even fight some crime.

Dr. Julius Hibbert likes to laugh. He has a sweet, infectious giggle that wafts through the examining rooms of his private practice and through the halls of Springfield Hospital. He usually laughs when offering his diagnoses to patients, which leads some people to think him a bit insensitive. But he's just a happy guy. A very happy guy. Dr. Hibbert has two kids and supportive wife. He is known throughout Springfield as the best doctor money can buy. Unless you have no money, in which case you'll be seeing Dr. Nick Riviera.