Title:
Far Away
Author:
Wonderland
Rating:
G
Disclaimer:
Don’t own ‘em, wish I did, you know who does,
yadda, yadda, yadda
Summary:
Daniel needs to reconnect.
Spoilers: Solitudes, Meridian, Redemption,
Fallen, Homecoming.
Authors
notes: I absolutely adore this song by Nickelback and
have been trying to fashion a SG-1 story around it for a while. I look at the
song as if Daniel were singing it and I think it works for this particular
episode.
This
time, this place
Misused,
mistakes
Too
long, too late
Who
was I to make you wait?
Just
one chance, just one breath
Just
in case there’s just one left
‘Cause
you know, you know, you know.
That
I love you
I
have loved you all along
And
I miss you
Been
far away for far too long
I
keep dreaming you’ll be with me
And
you’ll never go
Stop
breathing if I don’t see you anymore
On
my knees, I’ll ask
Last
chance for one last dance
‘Cause
with you, I’d withstand
All
of Hell to hold your hand
I’d
give it all
I’d
give for us
Give
anything but I won’t give up
I
wanted
I
wanted you to stay
‘Cause
I needed
I
need to hear you say
“I
love you
I
have loved you all along
And
I forgive you
For
being away for far too long”
So
keep breathing
‘Cause
I’m not leaving you anymore
Believe
and hold on, hold on to me and never let me go
Hold
on to me and never let me go-Nickelback
I’m sure that I’ve felt this
ineffective, this…stupid, sometime in my life. I just don’t remember it. I look
around this room, unsure of how much of me is here and how much is Jonas. Would
I know? Should I know? Should I recognize this piece? Or this one?
I don’t know, I simply do not know.
“Daniel Jackson.” I nearly fall off my
stool as Teal’s glides silently to my side. “I am intruding.”
Without thought, I blurt out. “Did you all
miss me?” That didn’t sound quite right. “Forget I said anything, that was
stupid.”
“I am over one hundred years old, in
your way of determining age.”
“That’s…wow…one hundred?” I’m not sure
what to say.
“Over the years, I have known many
warriors, made many friends. You are the dearest friend I have ever had.” I’m
completely floored; all I can do is stare. “After you were gone, I told Major
Carter that ascending was a great honor. It is something that no one I know,
human or Jaffa, had ever accomplished. Her reply was that she would prefer to have
had you back. That also was my wish.”
“And Jack?” I’ve been told repeatedly
that he and I were the best of friends, but right now, I’m not feeling it.
“O’Neill pretended not to care that you
were gone from his side. He grieved in silence.”
“I just…I’m having trouble getting my
bearings, you know?”
”Yet, you stated in the gate room moments ago that your memories were
returning.”
“They are, but they’re jumbled, in no
particular order. I see events but I have no perspective, no frame of
reference. I don’t know if this thing happened first or was a result of
something else. I just don’t know.”
”I believe you push yourself too hard, Daniel Jackson. But that was always your
way. When Colonel Carter and O’Neill became lost through the second gate, you
deprived yourself of both rest and nourishment in a frenzied attempt to locate
them and return them safely.”
“Did I?” That was a stupid question;
they’re both here and alive, aren’t they?
“You did indeed. It was you who
theorized the existence of the second gate. So you see, Daniel Jackson, you
have been responsible for opening two gates here on Earth. A most auspicious
undertaking, even for you.” That might actually be a smile on his face and I
feel my lips quirk despite my current circumstances. “However, this is not the
subject I wished to address. I come to offer to convey you to O’Neill’s home
for dinner this evening.”
A nice thought, considering I have no
vehicle, don’t really know if I could operate one if I did. Plus the fact that
I’m quite hazy about where Jack’s house is actually located. I tell myself that
I would recognize it if I saw it, I have a fuzzy memory of a pretty dark wood
house with a very large door. “Thank you, Teal’c. I’d like that.”
“I also would like to offer my
assistance in helping you obtain civilian clothing.”
I take a moment to catch my breath.
“You…you want to take me shopping?”
“You need clothing. I am in a position
to aid you. If you like, you may look at it as a return of a favor. When I was
allowed off base to explore your world, you and O’Neill accompanied me on just
such an expedition. I have become quite an expert in selecting clothing
appropriate for social occasions. It would honor me to assist you.”
“I appreciate the gesture, Teal’c, but
I haven’t been declared legally un-dead yet. So I can’t access my bank
accounts.”
“That presents no problem.” Teal’c
takes my arm and gently tugs me to my feet, leading me to the door, turning the
light out behind us. “I have a credit card that will allow me to purchase
several thousands of dollars of merchandise at this time.”
I just stand there blinking as Teal’c
gives me a lecture on the importance of maintaining a good credit record while
we wait for the elevator.
*
“I find this ensemble most attractive,
don’t you?” Teal’c gauges the owner’s opinion.
“Your eye is exquisite, Mr. Teal’c.”
Somehow I got the impression that our shopping excursion would end up at
Wal-Mart or the mall, not a men’s store. It was immediately apparent when we
walked in the door that Teal’c was known and respected in this store. When I
quizzed him as assistants scurried to provide us with refreshments, he replied
that he had encountered difficulties in finding ready-made clothing that fit
him and it was in fact O’Neill who had suggested a tailor. In a matter of
minutes, I found myself agreeing to be fitted for a suit, and trying on several
outfits at Teal’c and Grant’s insistence. “What is the occasion you are
attending?”
”We are dining at the home of a friend.” Teal’c had already explained to Grant
that I had recently returned from an overseas mission and my luggage had
unfortunately been mishandled, leaving me with nothing except what I was
standing in. It was quite literally the truth.
“A casual affair?”
”Very casual. Ties will not be required. However, I wish Daniel Jackson to be
both comfortable and stylish. Do you like this outfit, Daniel Jackson?”
I actually do, although I’m a bit
unsure of my ability to do justice to three hundred dollar jeans. They are
comfortable, soft, already feeling well worn. The sweater is plain, a soft golden-wheat
color that gives me a bit of color, something I realize I need every time I
face a mirror. Teal’c takes my expression for approval. “Thank you, Mr. Grant.
We will take these also,” he indicates an alarming pile of shirts, slacks,
underwear, socks and sweaters. “Daniel Jackson will wear this outfit so you may
also package the clothes he was wearing.”
“Very good, Mr. Teal’c, your taste is,
as always, impeccable.”
“You may wait here, Daniel Jackson,
while I settle my account.”
“Teal’c, that’s way over a thousand
dollars of stuff there.” I am more than faintly uncomfortable with spending
that much money in one sitting.
“And when you receive your back pay,
you may repay me if that will make you happy. However, I would prefer to make
this a gift to you. From one friend to another. Can you not accept that I can
afford to do this and wish to do so?”
His tone expresses his supreme
disappointment in me so I reluctantly acquiesce and meekly follow his
suggestion that I wait for him in the truck.
*
I wonder if Sam is always this
affectionate. She flings herself in my arms, squeezes me nearly breathless,
fusses with my hair and my sweater, proclaims I look great before dragging me
through Jack’s eerily familiar house to the kitchen, where she gives me a soda.
I frown, I’m pretty sure I’m over the age of consent, I point out. “Janet’s
gonna be here. If she even gets a hint that you’ve had caffeine or liquor,
she’ll bust your ass right back to the base.” I smile and wonder what I can use
to disguise my cappuccino breath.
“So, Dr. Fraiser’s coming?” I wonder
with a bit of panic how many other folks are gonna show up here and expect me
to know them.
I must wear this panic-stricken look a
lot because Sam pats my arm, and assures me that besides she, Jack and Teal’c,
the only other invited guests are the doctor and General Hammond, who are both
thrilled to see me back. I’ll have to take her word for that. Dr. Fraiser seemed
more concerned than anything but I later found out that I had ‘died’ rather
gruesomely and she was worried about my health. And the General, well, I’m
having a bit of trouble gauging his true reactions. I suppose he’s been a General
so long he’s well used to wearing that military mask. When I wandered into that
briefing, I wasn’t entirely certain he wasn’t about to have me escorted back to
my room. Or through the gate.
Sam notices that I’m just holding my
drink. “Would you like some ice?”
“I can get it,” I reply absently,
turning to open a cabinet and grasping a glass. I freeze; glass still in my
hand when I realize what I just did.
“I haven’t moved them in seven years.”
Jack is standing in the doorway with that inscrutable expression in eyes that
aren’t unkind.
I suddenly realize that I don’t seem to
be able to breathe; my panicked hands drop the glass, the sounds of it
shattering like an explosion. Jack leaps forward and catches me as I drop,
angling away from the shards of glass and dragging me into a chair, shoving my
head to my knees. “Breathe, Daniel, just breathe.”
I can’t, I literally cannot breathe.
Jack is rubbing my back, speaking softly to me. Peripherally, I’m aware that
both Sam and Teal’c are there, trying to reassure me. Listening to me gasping
for air, Jack thumps me on my back, hard enough for me to jump. And suddenly I
can breathe again. “Oh, God, oh, God.” I murmur over and over when I finally
find my voice.
“Take it easy, you’re safe, you’re
safe.” I feel him ease my head back and a blessedly cold, wet cloth is on my
forehead. “You all right?”
He would ask that, completely
destroying any vestige of control I have left. “No,” I whisper, too shattered
to form a lie. “Please, just for a minute, just…”
“We won’t let go, Daniel. We’ve got
you.”
And I feel hands. Warm and steady on my
face, small and strong on my knee, large and comforting on my back.
I just sit there for the longest time,
basking in the warmth of a feeling I haven’t experienced in a very long time. I
think I belong to these people.