Misty's Weight Loss Journey

              It's All About ME!    

The Beginning:

My Name is Misty.... I am 24 yrs old.  I was born in Dallas Texas and raised in a small town called Quinlan, well actually I lived in West Tawakoni but for some reason we all call living in Tawakoni living in Quinlan.   I guess because the schools were Quinlan schools?  Who knows?  Anyways, I was raised by my aunt and uncle, the brother of my real mom.  My real mom gave them legal guardianship of me when I was 6 months old.  My real mom gave up two more children previous to having me, (whom I have never met) and had one more child that she kept after having me.   though I never looked down on her for doing so.  I knew that everyone has their problems and in my mom's case, well life just gave her a bad set of cards and she just didn't know how to deal them?

My childhood wasn't too bad.  I was a depressed child and looking back now I really wished I wasn't.  I wish I would of looked at life and things alot differnt then I did.  In my family we were all overweight.  I was always a little bigger then my friends.  In 5th grade I remember already weighing a 100lbs.  Though I didn't look like a "big" girl really,  I don't think? Though I did look older I guess.  I developed pretty early and by the 6th grade boys didn't really look at me the same.  It was in middle school where I learned that I was "fat".  I wore a size 14 by the time I was 13 yrs old.  I never looked the same as the other girls in the trendy clothes, not to mention I didn't really have many trendy clothes because my parents wouldn't buy them (looking back now I don't blame them). 

My mom and I didn't get a long well growing up, I always felt like she didn't see me as "her" child.  My mom had three children from a previous relationship and my dad had four in his previous relationship so I was sorta "their" child together.  My father always treated me like his daughter but my mom I always felt this diconnection.  We had our good days don't get me wrong but when they were bad, THEY WERE BAD! 

By the time I was 13 yrs old, I was starting to get interested in boys.  I really wanted to be noticed.  Looking back I think I was just looking for acceptance, something I don't think I felt I got anywhere including home.  I remember my dad would make comments about my legs getting bigger or my butt getting to wide, a what 250-280 lb man is tell ME at 140 I am FAT??? And to top it off he was my dad!!!  It really hurt me when my father would make these comments because I always considered myself a daddys girl.  I do believe that for the longest time his comments are apart of the reason why I felt I had to be thin for a man to accept or want me.

When I turned 14 over the summer I lost about 20lbs.  I actually could wear a size 8!  It was the first and only time that I was a size 8.  I maintained wearing an 8/12 through out high school... Funny though I still thought that I was SO huge... I would NEVER let myself get past a size 14.  I knew the moment those 14's got tight I needed to do some work. Which normally consisted of diet pills, not eating and exercising a lot.    It was hard though cause growing up I never really knew how to diet.  I didn't think we really ate that bad in my house, though looking bad boy was it a CARB fest lol.  We didn't eat out a lot which funny turned and slapped me in the face in a way...  My parents fried a lot of foods though I never thought of it.  I can't really remember having much chicken unless fried.  Sometimes looking back I am AMAZED that I was only 140 in high school!!!!

How I ended up over 200lbs:

I met my husband when I was 17 yrs old.  He was basically a friend of my sister in laws friend.  From the first day I saw him I knew I was going to be with him.  A month shy of turning 18 I moved in with him, and 5 months later we were pregnant with our first child.  I was a 180lbs when I got pregnant with her.  40lbs heavier then what I was when I first met my husband.... Now you are thinking wait now how did you gain 40 MORE lbs???  Well freedom does a lot too ya lol that and boredom lol...

See as I mentioned above my parents hardly EVER ate out.  Well my husband (boyfriend then) was a BIG fast food person, not only fast but just eating out period.  We would go to resturants ALL the time, and fast food places as well.  So you can just see how fast those lb's could add one.  I mean when you are eating out pretty much daily when you typically ate out like once or twice a month, it's a HUGE change, but what REALLY did it for me, was I think being lazy, I was no longer in school so that took some activity out of my day.  Not to mention we were staying with his mom and she always had a house of goodys (candy and chocolate) this wasn't a normal thing in my house by far!  Boy oh boy in the matter of just a few months I went from a size 9 to a 14... Weird though how you don't really grasp it though?  I guess I felt as long as I didn't go past a 14 I was fine, Until.......

The birth of our 1st daughter.  I gained about 45lbs in my pregnancy.  My doctor seemed okay with it, and all the pregnancy books would say how 30 something lb's is from the pregnancy and baby so I thought I did pretty darn good!  Well I ended up with a 5lb baby and 20lbs of excess weight and wearing a very TIGHT size 18... Okay I should of been a size 20 or *gasp* 22 but how could "I" wear that size.  This is a girl who NEVER got out of a size 14.  I thought that the weight would I guess disappear like magic...  I guess I didn't know the magican well or something cause it never happend.

When Depression Set In:

For so long I really resented having my daughter.  I didn't reset her personally or not like her.  But resented that having her resulted in me being a 200lbs woman.  Never in my life had I weighed 200lbs, and here I was 220lbs!!!  I got very depressed by this, which is my nature.  I grew up as a very depressed child, between how I felt about my parents, my real mom and my weight, it was just too much on me.  I remember many times where I wanted to die, and once where I actually tried to take my life.  I started slowly slipping back into that state of mind.  Which scared me a lot.  My relationship with my husband had turned sour at times, and it felt we had grew so far from each other.  I could tell that he obviously didn't like my weight gain. 

I don't know if it's really fair to expect our spouses to accept our weight gain or loss when they are so use to one or the other.  I mean I can't even stand looking at me in a mirror why shoud I expect him to see beauty in something that isn't beautiful.  Though I do expect him to love me, and I do believe he does and did then.  It was just very hard on me.  I was never good at losing weight and now I had about 100lbs to lose!  How on earth do you lose a 100lbs???

So I just settled, I had two more beautiful children, and juggled between 200 to 250 being my highest weight.  Even though there were times where I lost 30lbs I have never felt a sense of accomplishment... I feel like I will never leave 200lbs!!!!!  I started to notice that I was invisiable to people.  I remember when I was a 140lbs and if I said I was fat I had people constantly telling me I wasn't.  But at 200lbs you don't hear that anymore, and for a reason cause well, I am fat... Funny how it still strikes you thought cause I don't "feel" fat... And then now I get the "but you have a pretty face" to ALL skinny people I know your trying to be nice, but belive me to every overweight person this is secretly saw as an insult even if you don't mean it to be.  It's like telling a really ugly person at least your smart, as if you are trying hard to find at least somthing postive about the person... so what if was fat AND ugly then what would you say??? Would I be worse off or something?  I don't know???

Yo-Yo Dieting:

After having my second child I found out I had a Hypo Thyroid.  In some ways this made me feel alittle happy I guess justification of why I could lose weight (though I never really tried).  After I had my son I got down to 198!!!  I was so happy about that, it had just melted off with out an effort it seemed... And then it stayed. I went NO WHERE.. For months, and so I got depressed, so I ate, and then I agained... Until I reached 220 Last January, where I made a vow to never be 200lbs again!  Well a year later I am here at 225lbs!  In January I thought I would do Weight Watchers, which is a great program.  I lost 13lbs my first month and then after that it died out.  We were moving at the time and with out the support of my online friends, I gained in the matter of 2 months the 13lbs I had gained.  So I ditched ww while saying I was still on it.... Funny you have to count points to actually BE on ww, not eat anything you feel like lol.

In September I went to the doctor and she told me about the South Beach diet for the first month I blew her off thinking I'll get strict with WW .  Two months later I was 5lbs heavier... My doctor was not too thrilled.  She then again mentioned South Beach so I thought I would give it a try.  I felt I really had to do something.  Something about seeing "obese" on your chart NEVER makes you feel good about yourself.  Obese, when did this happen?  I am just
"pleasently plump right?".  Nope!  I am now a medical statistic, who will go on many of diets through out a year to only fail and regain.  But I was determined that this was NOT going to be me.

The first month of South Beach I lost a whoping 16lbs, infact I lost that in just 3wks!!!!  But once I got to phase 2 it all went down hill once again....  So here I am... 225lbs.  5lbs from what I was before starting the South Beach diet!  I had at first decided upon the new year to just eat right but well that's not going to work so once again I Thought I would give WW another try!  And then here I am now in March thinking well eating good with out counting can work??? Right??? Sigh.... I am sucking at this losing weight thing!

How To Get Rid Of The Fat:

I have finally figured out just WHY I cannot keep the weight off!!!! Wanna hear the magic to losing weight????

?
?
?
?
?
?
?
?
?
?
?
?
?
?
?
?
?
?
?
?
STOP MAKING EXCUSES!!!

Through out all of these years I have made an excuse for EVERYTHING!  Boy would my husband be happy to hear this revolution!  Ssshhhh, don't tell him I know! lol.....  I have made excuses, I have blamed EVERYTHING and EVERYONE buy ME!  I couldn't lose weight because of my husband, or because we ate out too much,  not because of my past (though I am sure it has effects) because of my pregnancies (I can't blame my pregnancies 5 yrs later), or because I didn't have a gym membership, or I couldn't afford a trainer, because of my thyriod, because I could afford healthy foods, because I don't have *time* to exercise (this is big and popular excuse), and because I can't.....

The FACT is... I don't need my husbands support though it helps, or support of friends, special equipment, money, loads of time, or special books to tell me how to lose weight... What I need is to JUST DO IT!  I know how to eat healthy, I know how to CHOOSE a good food item over a bad.... With all the time I spend typing on a computer, watching tv, or yelling at a child, Icould be exercising and playing with my kids.  Think about it, I mean how much time do we spend online or watching a show but we don't have "time" to exercise??? It's not that we DON'T but that we CHOOSE to not have the time.  I have three children and yet I know to reach my true goals I have to make me a priority. Which is much easier said then done.

I have to stop making excuses.  I have wanted to blame my past and my relationship so badly and I do think that they effected me but in the end I STILL MADE THE CHOICE!  I am fat because I have made choices that have made me fat!  I have made the CHOICE to not exercise regularly, to not eat healthy, to say that I can't just not go out to a fast food place because it doesn't fit in my "life style" I have Sabotaged MYSELF and wanted to blame anyone BUT myself!  Until we can be truthful with ourselves I don't think we can ever successfully lose weight in a healthy way mentally and physically! 

Now I don't have all the answers nor claim to be, I mean hello I am weighing 225lbs still lol... But I can say this that for me I know that I am going to have to stop making excuses and start making changes!!!!  Well see how long this train of thought lasts lol....

SO there it is... That's me and my thoughts... I hope you enjoy my website... Don't forget to read my journal even though I am horrible at writing in it daily, maybe that should be an new years resolution for me, to make my self accountable and jot down everything! lol.... Oh! and don't forget to sign my guest book... I wish you well in your journey...

Misty