I thougt it'd be fun to add a kind of 'through the ages' sort of thing where you can see the different stages my novel, Aurath: The Eight, has been through. I've been working on this book for... oh... five years now and it's changed so much since when I first envisioned it. I'm always rewriting and editing the prologues or first chapters because its the first thing anyone reads and, if one needs to be perfect, it's the opening.
Following is the first paragraph of the prologue for each version and my commentary on it.
Grim lightning struck, whilst thunder roared and the wind blew into a terrible rage. The windows of a suburban house in
Commentary - Where do I begin? I was about fifteen or younger when I wrote this and Aurath was practicually a different story to what it is now, and had a different title - 'Chaya's Return'. This beginning is pretty... ok I'll say it - crap. Here it had Chaya, protagonist, getting drunk with her cousin and worrying about the antagonist Jake. This paragraph is probably the best part of what I wrote then but I still made a mistakes at the first word - using an adjective when I should be avoiding them. Still, some of this has lasted right to the final version.
Grim lightning struck, whilst thunder roared and the wind blew into a terrible rage. The windows of a suburban house in
Commentary - The beginning is more or less the same apart from the 'brunette woman' but after that is takes a completely different turn. This version has the premise I stick to from now on where a woman, here called Katie, is attacked by Jake, who uses magic to fight her. It contains a great many clichés, especially the dialogue 'two down, five to go' as well as being too short and abrupt.
Lightning struck from the skies, illuminating the street as though it were day for a brief second, followed by a roar of thunder that shook the houses. The thick clouds blocked all traces of the moon and stars, and along with the power cut, nothing was visible. Only the brief strikes of lightning indicated what was happening to the world. The wind howled relentlessly, its power close to hurricane territory; trees almost ripped from the ground and fences thrown through the air. The weather was certainly taking its toll on an English suburban house as a window smashed and a dozen more roof tiles shattered on contact with the ground.
Commentary - This is when I began 'The Eight' properly and I think I was about 16, nearly 17. From this prologue I managed for the first time in my life to make it to the end. My first ever completed draft. Still, you can see where I went wrong with it - boring opening paragraph, too much weather description, no action. Also a couple of adverbs but at least I got rid of that opening adjective. Again it's Jake and Katie, but longer, more action and dialogue that's less clichéd.
Lightning struck from the skies and illuminated the street as though it were day for a second. The roar of thunder that followed shook the houses of a northern
Commentary - Not much of a change other then the loss of a few words. This was back when I first decided to edit the book. I did a half-arsed job because I was too attached to the book and not determined enough. Only managed to edit the first chapter then gave up.
A roar of thunder broke Katherine off mid-sentence. It rattled the windows and caused a few more roof tiles to hit the ground. The weather was too fierce for the English town, unnatural even and that worried Katherine. Her grandson pulled on her jumper. “Read more nana,” Thomas said. Katherine stroked his hair. Whatever anxieties she had Katherine did not want her child to know them. “Goldilocks sat in the middle chair and ate the porridge. This one is too cold-”
Commentary - Ah, the next big change. About eighteen or nineteen I had decided I was unhappy with the entire prologue. I wanted to show Jake as ruthless and powerful but because Katie came across as so weak, he didn't look threatening. So Katie became Katherine, a powerful witch and grandmother with a vow to protect Chaya. I added the grandson to make her vulnerable and to show Jake would kill anyone to get what he wanted. I limited the weather, added more action and gave Katherine and Jake more characterisation then before. I like this one a lot more then with Katie.
A roar of thunder broke Katherine off mid-sentence. The windows rattled and more roof tiles hit the ground. The weather was too fierce for the town, almost unnatural. That it could be so worried Katherine. She felt a tug on her jumper and looked down to see her grandson. “Read more nana,” Thomas said. Katherine stroked his hair. Whatever anxieties she had Katherine did not want her grandchild to know them. “Goldilocks sat in the middle chair and ate the porridge. This one is too cold-”
Commentary - Not much difference but this is my latest edited version. I haven't changed that much because Version Five was fairly recent but I still managed to get rid of most of the crappy bits and the things I was unsure of. Whilst I was happy with this version I'm now seeing things that be cleaned and sharpened. Still, it was be editing words rather than paragraphs or pages.
