There are many introductory Bible Study courses available – including short term courses which you can study at your own pace on the Internet. (I have also included some Internet website links at the end of this document, which I have found useful.)  This is good if you feel nervous about group classes, to begin with. But I recommend also eventually joining a group, if you can – there is nothing like having a good teacher, plus being able to ‘bounce ideas off’ others and group interaction sometimes to assist in the learning process.

Church ministers and elders, whatever else they may be, are given good grounding in these matters so if there is a Bible section or passage which is really giving you difficulty and there is someone you feel you can trust and feel comfortable approaching, this is what I would recommend.

Many passages of the Bible seem very difficult and confronting – even to many long time Christians! If God is loving and merciful, then He seems far removed from the God of many parts of the Bible. The Bible is a document which was written in various languages by a very different culture to that of today. If you have ever studied a foreign language, you would be well aware of some of the mix-ups which can occur. Each culture has their own nuances and own means of expression, which can sometimes be difficult to translate. I am not trying to suggest here that the original Bible is inaccurate – I believe that the root of the original text is eternally the Word of God. This is why I would recommend investing in a good Bible commentary. For example, in the King James Version, ‘fear of God’ is often mentioned, which can turn many people off. If God is supposed to love us, how can He be such a fearsome, unapproachable figure? This ‘fear’ can also be translated ‘awe’ or ‘reverence’ of God – and many commentaries would carry a note of this. (There are always some, of course, who can carry interpretations too far – so as stated above, always try to check credentials.)

It should perhaps also be pointed out that while the essential character of God does not change, the relationship between man and God does undergo a kind of evolution or change, during the period of the Bible, culminating with the sacrifice of Christ. This does not mean that the old part of the Bible is irrelevant and of no use to us today, but we read it with this modified perspective.

Many books can be confusing and full of ‘jargon’. However, some of my favourite Christian writers are Richard Foster, Philip Yancey, Charles H. Kraft and Joyce Huggett – all of whom are popular, mainstream authors but whom I have found express themselves in a clear manner and dare to confront many issues which many other writers tend to leave out. It is interesting how many books have recently been written by Christians who have undergone near death experiences - they are certainly inspiring and thought provoking. Many people are interested in the lives of the saints and mystics, and books are available in any good Catholic bookstore. Reading can be a great hobby and very useful. Becoming a Christian is not just about intellectual study and effort, however. God is just as much about the heart as the mind. We must never lose sight of this.

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SPIRITUAL DISCIPLINE/DEALING WITH THE AFTER-EFFECTS

With today’s busy lifestyle, sometimes this can be difficult to fit in. Some people choose to deliberately wake up an hour earlier than they have to in the morning so that they have time for prayer. During the day, they may also incorporate short ‘regrouping’ breaks. If you live in a busy household, try to set aside some space in a quiet area which is for prayer and private worship only. (One person I knew had a very lovely ‘prayer spot’ in her garden, complete with a religious statue set in the midst of some rose trees. Be creative if you like!)

Spiritual discipline is very important for anyone who has been through Kundalini. It changes the way your energy system works, and if this is not handled well, then problems can arise. However, it does give you a greater awareness of how your energy system works, and it's important to use this. There might be some further changes and you might find that some trial and error is involved.

I hesitate to outline entirely what I do and what works for me, because you are an individual, and what works and is appropriate for someone else may not be suitable for you. It is crucial, however, to make sure you are receiving adequate spiritual nourishment, from day to day. Most people can get away with not doing this, for a period of time, but the person who has been through Kundalini can't afford not to.

It takes time to learn how to integrate Kundalini into your day to day life. Deep changes may feel like they are taking place inside you, and this can be confusing and cause difficulties for other people in your life. It is important to understand this, but to remain true to your spiritual path - resisting your path and your inner changes usually just causes further problems, down the track. If you need to take some 'time out' to deal with your own changes, then that's fine, but usually, you will find that you can't hold them off indefinitely.

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I believe that when I was very young, prayer was mostly for me a way of asking God for favours, and not much else. These days, to me it is a form of communion with God – it is quieting myself so that I am able to tune into God’s guidance and presence. Some people like to use an informal, ‘chatty’ style of prayer. Others despise this. My own prayer time usually goes like this – a good deal of time focussed on all my own problems and thoughts scattered in my head, before something seems to ‘click’, and these things seem to suddenly become ‘smoothed out’. Solutions to problems can appear and I generally feel less troubled about them than I was to begin with. (It’s wonderful when it happens.) Sometimes certain insights may appear or I may feel led to pray about certain things.

The ‘Lord’s Prayer’ (‘Our Father who art in heaven…’) may seem on the surface quite a simple prayer but it is actually quite ingenious – it seems to contain all the vital ingredients of a prayer session. Go through it meditating upon and paying serious attention to all parts of it and see for yourself.

Giving praise and thanks to God makes good sense because it helps to keep humility and a sense of reverence for God. ‘Trust in the Lord’ has also become something of a cliché but actually, being able to trust and surrender is a vital part of the spiritual process. In fact, you might even say that it’s a pretty good definition of it. Sometimes it’s just best to stop asking ‘But…?’ and ‘What if…?’ in circles and just let God take care of things. You can often save yourself a lot of what turns out to be unnecessary angst and worry, over something which really wasn’t that important after all.

Most of the time, I require the basics – good rest, moderate exercise and a good diet. Moderation or avoidance of alcohol and stimulants is a good idea. I advise caution with fasting – there have been controversies in recent times involving young people starving themselves to death. There are certain methods and precautions involved in fasting. Richard Foster covers some of them in his book ‘Celebration of Discipline’. I have sometimes gone on a ‘juice fast’ for a few days – no longer than that. (Usually, it seems to be very ‘purifying’ of my spiritual consciousness.) Even so, I usually have to be careful how I reintroduce solids back into my diet again afterwards.

Kundalini generally makes you much more aware of the mind-body-spirit connection. Bad posture, tension in the body and restricted breathing greatly affects the flow of energy around the body. Yoga obviously helps with posture and in releasing tension in areas of the body - though, as said earlier, I advise caution with it and I have never looked deeply into it myself. A priest once insisted to me that early monks in the Christian tradition were taught breath techniques as part of their spiritual training - and of course it is also a main focus of yoga. I have never learnt complicated techniques. However, when we are tensed, breathing tends to become quicker, more shallow, and more restricted to the upper chest area. This means the heart has to work harder to regulate and maintain oxygen flow - something which affects every organ in the body. A quick, simple check of your breathing is do you breathe more through your chest than your abdominal area?

Stress is something impossible to avoid, with today’s busy lifestyle. Some stress, experts suggest, may actually be good for us – it provides us with stimulation and a challenge. Too much however is very debilitating and will run you down very quickly. Even Jesus sometimes took ‘time out’ in the midst of His own schedule. Try to look at the way you prioritise your life and manage and handle stress. It may sound obvious but it’s something we often neglect or overlook, in our day to day lives.

Trying to do things in your own strength rather than in ‘God’s strength’ will burn you out in no time. It’s a mistake most of us make from time to time and a common problem for people involved in ministry. It’s another reason why keeping up prayer and sometimes making time for retreats is very important – with time, it’s something you’ll also gradually get better at handling.

Your relationship with God is like any other relationship – you must give it attention and take ‘time out’ for it, if you wish for it to thrive and grow. It’s not just about going to church on Sunday and thinking that’s it – you’ve done your duty. One thing I’ve become aware of about Kundalini is that it’s something which seems to affect virtually all aspects of one’s being and one’s life. It’s extremely wide ranging and all-encompassing. There are numerous ways in which we can let God be a part of our daily lives – even the seemingly mundane aspects and events. A classic example is the tradition of saying ‘grace’ before a meal.

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There is a stereotyped image of the Christian who looks for a demon lurking around every corner. And it seems to be the modern tendency to dismiss belief in demonic activity as just another mythical, primitive belief. I don't think it's very healthy to be preoccupied with it all the time. However, it can be a very real, serious problem in some people's lives. If you can sense something like it in your own life, there are certain things you can do to protect yourself. Clearing it out, however, is only half the job - always, you must follow it up with praying for the infilling of the Holy Spirit. If you leave yourself 'empty', you are vulnerable to recurrences.

I know very little about Eastern meditation methods. However, one of the main contentions Christians have against it is that the main aim of it is to 'empty out' the consciousness. From the Christian point of view, this leaves you open to attack. It can be very helpful to learn ways of ridding yourself of distracting thoughts. However, you must be careful with regard to what you replace it with.

It can sometimes be helpful to give yourself self-healing 'laying on of hands' treatments. If you are not familiar with this method, it is basically as follows (if you already know this, please skip this section):

1. Go into a lightly meditative state - relaxed but alert and with slow breathing. (You should be adept at doing this, if you have been through Kundalini.)
2. Hold your hands about 6-8 inches apart in front of you, and concentrate on the feelings in your palms. Imagine you are 'breathing' through your palms. It may take awhile to begin with, but you should become aware of an almost 'magnetic' force, either pulling or pushing your hands apart. Swinging the hands apart and together slowly can help at first.
3. Once you can feel this force, place your hands over the main chakra points in turn, each for a few minutes or until you feel a change in sensation. Sequences can vary. Some people like to start from the top chakras and work down. Some use the reverse method. For a short treatment, you may wish to focus on just two or three chakras. The third, fourth and sixth chakras give quick results, for me. (You can give energy to your third chakra just about anywhere, once you are used to the technique. Generally meditating or focussing upon any particular chakra also gives energy to it.) Most practitioners avoid the crown chakra.
4. You may find yourself 'drifting off', after awhile - this is okay, but give yourself time to wake up and reorient yourself again properly afterwards. Have a glass of water, get some fresh air or do some grounding exercises to bring you back into the 'here and now'. If you are treating soneone else, the way to do this is to hold their feet for awhile, to pull them back into the body.

 

If you have pain in any part of the body, such as the leg or arm, you can place your hands on that area - this method can be very effective at relieving it. If you have a friend who can give you treatments, when you are feeling 'weak', this is great. However, make sure you know and trust the person or their credentials, and offer to return the same favour if you can in the future. This is a great way of starting out in healing - there is no pressure and you can gain practice.

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I have previously mentioned the subject of guidance. When you begin your prayer or meditation time, I recommend asking for and opening yourself up to guidance. It is unlikely that you will receive it or see it otherwise. You might find as you do some reflections that there have already been events in your life pointing you in some direction, but you neglected to notice it at the time. Sometimes we may be going through a difficult period and think 'What can be the meaning of this?' We feel stuck in a rut and God's presence seems to be nowhere. But further down the track, we can often see that these were in fact important phases of growth, and had a very real value. Christians commonly call these periods 'wilderness experiences'.

On the flipside, when we are conscious that we are very rapidly moving forward spiritually to a new level, there is always yet another set of challenges and responsibilities. With every such breakthrough, there always seems to be some sort of intense struggle before moving on to the next phase. If anything, the temptations and challenges only become greater and more intimidating each time. Temptations aren't always that overt or obvious - in fact, more often than not, they seem to creep up on us by stealth, and are all too easy to rationalise to ourselves.

Before beginning His official public ministry, Jesus spent forty days preparing Himself alone in the desert. No doubt, many thoughts passed through His mind. He had two very different possible roads ahead of Him, and He was acutely aware of this and the likely outcomes. On one side there was the potentially unlimited power, wealth and influence available to Him. He unquestionably could have gained this, if He had been willing to please the right people. However, this would have meant compromising His true ministry and principles. It was the most extreme choice imaginable, between the safe and easy route and the road which led to the Cross. Only after overcoming all this was He fully prepared to take on His full public ministry. (The story is fully outlined in Luke chapter 4.)

We are told that the night before His death, Jesus sweated blood while praying in the Garden of Gethsemane. This is an actual documented medical symptom of the most extreme mental stress and anguish. To the disciples, it must have appeared that their leader was having a complete breakdown. The things which He said no longer made sense to them, and all His actions appeared to be of self-sabotage. When He continuously spoke about His imminent death, they could not understand the purpose of it or what was to follow - to them, it could only signify the end of all hope. Their conception of a Messiah was of a kingly, warrior type leader who would free them from the oppression of Roman rule.

It is a sad story but in many ways, I also feel that it has been a comfort for me to know that Jesus had His own struggles and sufferings to deal with. If I had to worship a God who had never known any hardships, trials or sufferings, I frankly don't feel that I would be able to manage it. Whenever I'm experiencing my own difficulties, I know that I'm not a total failure because of it, and that I can draw on the example of Christ to find the strength to get through it. Many of us never know what it is to fully submit or fully reach out until we reach our own 'dark night of the soul'.

Many times, following the spiritual path will seem too difficult, too troublesome. It's tempting to take the 'safe option', and this is what we're conditioned to do - to go along with what everyone else thinks and is doing. However, in the long run it's also what stunts spiritual growth. The fact is that a spiritual life often entails a degree of self-sacrifice, and willingness to take a stand or undergo hardship. Jesus clearly counselled His followers about this. In many parts of the world today, Christians still risk death or imprisonment daily, for the sake of their beliefs.

Unfortunately, a rather nice, cozy, fuzzy image of Christianity seems to have sprung up in the western world in recent decades - nothing too challenging or confronting. The film 'The Passion' may have had its flaws (I realise it has once again become controversial in recent times), but I was actually relieved when it was released, to reclaim some of the balance. I heard one minister say that the violence in the movie was, in her opinion, over the top and exagerrated. Actually, it wasn't. You have to read historical notes to get a real idea how extreme Roman punishments were, in the first century.

Don't fall into the trap of thinking that just because you have been through Kundalini, you are now somehow 'perfect', and can no longer make mistakes. You can and you will. Some of the most famous holy men and women, from all parts of history, made serious errors which threatened their entire spiritual careers. My favourite case in point is King David of Israel - who during his reign, became rather proud and began to misuse his authority to suit his own wishes. He was guilty of both murder and adultery, which he attempted to cover up. In the end, it took a prophet who presented his misdemeanours to him in black and white for him to be called to repentance. For David, it was a deep crisis (it was during this time that it is said that he wrote Psalm 51), but one from which he managed to recover and learn an important lesson from. If you make a mistake in something, it isn't the end of everything. But self-honesty and the ability to grow and learn from it is required.

Many Christians unfortunately seem to practice what is sometimes called 'cheap grace' - they feel that if they have wronged someone else, they can say 'sorry' to God, and don't need to take any further action. If you have done something wrong, if possible meet face to face with those people who may have been hurt, offer an unreserved apology, and reassure them that you are taking steps to ensure that it does not happen again. This is terribly difficult for some people to do - especially at first. If necessary, ask a third person to be present as a 'mediator' in the process. This is not all about continuing to carry a burden of guilt - it is about courtesy and thoughtfulness and taking personal responsibility. You cannot take back the past, and it may be that you may never be able to make full amends, but you can change future behaviour.

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I feel fortunate that my own experience doesn't seem to have led to too many difficulties, or harsh and unpleasant symptoms. This has probably only been due to the fact that I've been lucky enough to have had access to good guidance and resources. The adjustments I had to make also weren't too difficult or impractical for me. The most difficult aspect was getting used to my new faith, but at least I didn't have any strong allegiances to any others beforehand. However, there is no avoiding the fact that Kundalini is a powerful process which can be potentially risky and dangerous, if not handled correctly.

I cannot judge those who have had not so pleasant symptoms and experiences, and doing so isn't very helpful. I'm not really an expert in this area, so it is difficult for me to give advice or explanations. However, it does seem to me that there are several major 'risk factors' which can be pretty quickly identified (sometimes risk factors can obviously be linked or combined):

1. People who have had very difficult and traumatic personal backgrounds. This seems to be common with people who have been through Kundalini. Many have had difficulties in their pasts, and are looking for answers to issues in their lives.
2. Experiences which have been triggered by artificial means i.e. by the use of psychedelic drugs.
3. People who have used very forceful, accelerated techniques without adequate guidance, and who are therefore not fully prepared for the experience itself.
4. When the motivation isn't very correct or appropriate. Ego desires don't fit in very well with the process. Some people just seem to want an interesting, out-of-this-world type experience, and then get more than they bargained for.
5. People who don't have adequate spiritual protection, or have been involved in a lot of unsafe and dubious spiritual practices in the past.

Thinking about experiencing something like Kundalini is one thing - it's another when it actually happens. At first, I found it all quite frightening, as I hadn't really experienced much of the supernatural previously. After awhile, I started becoming more used to and comfortable with it. But as said earlier, Kundalini really does have an ongoing effect and influence on virtually every aspect of your life. Dealing with it is a process and an ongoing journey. It leaves an imprint - how can it not change your outlook and perspective? Life doesn't go on again in the same way it did before, and this requires adjustments.

These are very general tips. Other sources may help you further. But the above is an outline of what seems to best work for me. (I am reluctant to endorse other websites on this matter, because I may not agree with their entire content, but I do suggest doing your own research about spiritual protection methods - test them and see which are most suited to you.)

ISN’T CHRISTIANITY A LIFESTYLE WHICH IS REPRESSIVE AND UNNATURAL?

This is the way it might seem to others. This is a difficult subject to address and to do so clearly. Christianity recognises a supernatural, spiritual realm as well as the physical or natural, which has its own very different order. (I'm sorry if this sounds a bit 'dualistic' to some, but describing the relationship between the two realms is a very complicated subject - entire books have been written about it, and views seem to vary between churches.) In it, I would say that there can be no death or decay, and there are no physical laws of time, space, conservation of matter and energy, etc. I believe that when the Holy Spirit is working through us, this miraculous realm can become manifest in the world around us.

Throughout Christian history, there have been many men and women who have chosen to lead lives revolving around ascetic practices, such as fasting, near constant prayer and a life of celibacy. This may appear ‘damaging’, repressive, unfulfilling, and unnatural to many. Without the grace of God it would be – it is the grace of God which can enable some people who are called to it to lead such a lifestyle. But it is certainly not a lifestyle suited to everybody.

I am a ‘mystic’ – I personally enjoy a lot of time alone in prayer and contemplation. I don’t just pray for my own spiritual being - I like to pray about certain things and believe that it has a good and valuable effect in the outside world. (My own personal aim is to one day become a healer. Sometimes, I have considered joining a quiet, contemplative religious order to fully dedicate myself to these matters.) Other people whom I know are great at doing social or administrative work and leading groups – which I am not really that good at or drawn to. But it is still very important and necessary work. We all have our own thing to contribute and I believe in mutually respecting each other’s gifts and finding ways they can be used together in a complimentary way for the overall, greater good. (Too often, however, it turns into tussle and rivalry.)

Some people would probably say that the above is a 'cop out', and an excuse to neglect social responsibilities. I would like to think that I have an active and healthy social conscience. I have a circle of friends from different walks of life. Once, I was very surprised to hear a friend describe me as a 'people person'. My first thought was 'I must put on a good front!' I suppose that maybe I tend to feel isolated sometimes because I feel that there is so much about myself I can't share or confide in about with a lot of people. (If I do tell a friend what I have been through, it is only after they are used to relating to me on a 'normal level' first, as I don't really wish to be treated differently on that account. I think that many of them have actually been surprised, because I probably don't fit into their mental category of what I'm supposed to be like!) But who says that we all need to be outgoing extroverts, anyway?

Christianity recognises a God who is personal and who transcends space, time and matter. The creation is not equated with the Creator, as is the case with 'pantheistic' religions. However, the Bible contains many passages in it about celebrating the glory of God through the wonders of nature. And Christianity does recognise a type of unity behind all creation, in that all share the same Creator. One of the most spiritually ‘clearing’ things I can do for myself is to go outside, sit in my garden quietly for awhile and breath in the clean, fresh, natural air. Sometimes I can feel very connected to God during these times, and it is during these occasions that it seems remarkable to me just how beautiful and vibrant the natural creation is. I dislike having to spend much time at all in stuffy, vinyl rooms with central heating or air conditioning. Humans may be the dominant species upon the planet, but I believe in us being responsible custodians. It is greed, materialism and lack of thought for future generations which leads to much environmental damage. You can appreciate the natural environment, in my opinion, without being ‘paganistic’ about it.

A belief of the Gnostics was that all created matter or anything to do with the flesh was fundamentally evil or profane, and their philosophy was a complete rejection of it. An outcome of this was that they were unable to believe that Jesus could have inhabited a physical body. It has been suggested that the worlds of matter and spirit could be much more like two co-existing, parallel realms with a constantly interacting relationship. You can even present this as being a theme of the life of Jesus. Some people witnessed supernatural signs and events connected with His birth. But the actual circumstances of it were surprisingly lowly and mundane - a woman forced to give birth in a plain grotto shelter. It was not exactly what was expected for the coming Messiah.

During His ministry, Jesus affirmed most of His spiritual teachings and divine concepts in very common, ordinary, everyday terminology. Most of His miracles were performed to cater for the most common, basic material needs of people, whilst containing a great deal of spiritual symbolism e.g. the feeding of the hungry crowds, or the turning of water into wine when it ran out at a wedding celebration. There is a certain amount of paradox in this - the first of many when you begin to contemplate divine subjects.

In the Gospel of John, Jesus says of His disciples that they are in the world with a remaining mission but they are not of it. To be not of the world is to refuse to conform with the mainstream culture and its ideals - most of which are not divinely inspired. It is a message which St Paul reiterates in his epistles.

As said above, there are many ways in which we can use the mundane, ordinary events of day to day life to glorify and honour God. And God does not always speak to us using outstanding, supernatural, extraordinary means. It is a matter of recognition and perspective.

There are ways in which common objects can be 'blessed', sacramentalized, or dedicated spiritually. This can include water, oil, food, buildings, even cars - in fact, just about any number. In Christianity, however, these objects are seen as conveying the power of God rather than containing power in themselves. A statue or a figurine is a representation - it is not a god or a deity in itself. Of course, the most complex issue in this regard is that of Holy Communion - different churches have different interpretations of the ritual.

As this is such an involved subject, the following related articles from the Catholic Encyclopedia may be helpful:

http://www.newadvent.org/cathen/03481a.htm - celibacy

http://www.newadvent.org/cathen/10715a.htm - nature

http://www.newadvent.org/cathen/14336b.htm - supernatural order

http://www.newadvent.org/cathen/11447b.htm - pantheism

http://www.newadvent.org/cathen/05169a.htm - dualism

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STAYING ON TRACK

It's not strictly necessary to go and join a monastery, but trying to make room for Kundalini in a modern lifestyle does require focus, dedication and self-discipline. There are so many external demands, distractions and pressures; and also so many unhealthy, negative influences and temptations. Many people succumb, and forget how to hear God's voice. I have sometimes found it very difficult to balance my spiritual and day to day life - it's all a part of the process of learning to adjust.

However, I don't wish for it to sound as if a spiritual life must be one of extreme personal effort or joyless over-discipline. It's not something which should just be a step-by-step process, but rather something you give your heart to and is inspired by your relationship with God. Have you ever done something which seemed kind of irksome and difficult to sustain at first, until you got 'into the swing of it' or 'found your rhythm'? I have found prayer and spiritual discipline to be much like that. It's important to remember that God is the one who is in charge of the process, and you are not doing the work on your own, without assistance. The Bible teaches that the first and primary aim is to 'seek first the Kingdom of God' - all else flows from this. Once I feel that I am in communion with God, I find that I am no longer really using my own effort. If in fact I begin using too much of my own personal effort, then this can actually hamper and hinder the process of communication, because I am trying to be too controlling of the process. Prayer is a two way process which involves not just talking but also listening. You do not have to expect or anticipate anything in particular. Doing so can actually narrow your field of vision so much that you miss out on the best part of it. Even if it seems like you are praying but are not hearing any response, it is important to remain open and listening - eventually you will.

We can never know complete union with God every second of the day in this existence. We may receive glimpses of the divine and eternal, in different situations. But there is a veil and always, we have to go back and deal with the world directly around us again. This process may seem frustrating at times but over the long term, it's what builds, proves and strengthens our faith and character. 1 Corinithians 13:8-13 puts if beautifully:

Love never ends. But as for prophecies, they will come to an end; as for tongues, they will cease; as for knowledge, it will come to an end. For we know only in part, and we prophesy only in part; but when the complete comes, the partial will come to an end. When I was a child, I spoke like a child, I thought like a child, I reasoned like a child; when I became an adult, I put an end to childish ways. For now we see in a mirror, dimly, but then we will see face to face. Now I know only in part; then I will know fully, even as I have been fully known. And now faith, hope, and love abide, these three; and the greatest of these is love. (NRSV, my emphasis)

Don't turn your prayer time into just self-centred 'worry time' or stressing time. Of course, if you have problems, anxieties or issues, you can acknowledge them. But ask God to help you deal with them constructively, and to help you let go of or 'surrender' them to Him. You may often be surprised by the comfort or relief you feel, or the revelations or insights about these problems you receive in return.

Once again, there is also involved the elements of humility, trust, surrender and submission. These are not just 'catch words'. If your prayer time is successful, it should be having an ongoing influence in your daily life. You should be taking the insights and inspiration gained and applying it to your life and relationships with others. Of course, you won't always remember to do this and will sometimes fall through. But overall, you should notice an ongoing influence and impact upon your life. It can be hard to stick with at first but for most people who persist with it, prayer time becomes an invaluable and easier part of their routine.

Some people talk about offering up their lives as a 'living prayer' or 'living sacrifice', and this is perhaps the height of it. We can sometimes try to overly narrow or confine our concept of prayer. Ask a group of people what their concept of 'meditation' is, and you will usually receive a whole different range of replies. Some people will say 'sitting in my garden early in the morning'. For others, it may be painting, walking, poetry, knitting, embroidery, listening to music, dancing, etc. What usually makes me conducive to prayer is writing in my journal, and many people keep 'prayer journals'.

As said above, it does require some level of commitment. Christians make a big deal of using rituals to 'sacramentalize' their commitments. For those of us outside of all this, it can be hard to understand the need for or the meaning of all this. If however you do not at some stage make a serious undertaking or commitment, a part of you will most likely always 'hold back' or waver. We live in a fickle modern culture and are often not taught to respect vows or commitments. Keeping them may not always be easy, practical or convenient, as personal or life circumstances change. But Christianity as a religion does provide help and reassurance along the way. When we make a vow or commitment 'sacred' with a ceremony, we are reminding ourselves that God is there to help us and guide us in our commitment. These ceremonies are not designed just to make ourselves feel important (as so often seems the case with modern ceremonies), but are a humble recognition.

I will admit that I've sometimes struggled to keep my own commitments, in a few areas of my life. By nature, I am a pessimist and negative thinker and get discouraged easily. At the time of my baptism, I was still struggling with many areas of my newfound faith and my main interest was in 'getting it over and done with'. Afterwards, I can now see how parts of my spiritual and church life suffered as a result, and it's a regret. I will probably one day decide to renew the vows I made in my baptism, in a way which suits me. Many people who develop a more mature faith later in life decide to do this, if they've already been baptised earlier. (Before my awakening, I seemed to keep receiving many visions of crossing a river. In the vision, it wasn't an easy thing to do either. But at the time, I didn't realise at all the possible relation of the imagery to baptism.)

I do recommend that if not with a ceremony, you do something in order to symbolise your commitment to a spiritual life. It might be with a token like a ring or a necklace which is personally significant. Joining a group of people who are also interested in advancing in their spiritual lives can also be helpful, in keeping you to your goals and commitments.

After Kundalini, you may find yourself going through some different phases and so you may need to be flexible to deal with them. This is all part of the process of growth. I think of it as a bit like the 'ripple in the pond effect'. It begins with our own personal awakening, but becomes increasingly outwardly directed over time. The states of spiritual consciousness may feel different with all this, over time.

Some people have tried to list and describe these various phases. Many people who have been through Kundalini seem to start with the level of Eros, or a romantic kind of love. Later, it gives way to a more refined, religious type of feeling of awe or agape. I wish to point out that this is by no means an untheological idea. At times in the Bible, the intimacy of the union between the soul and Christ is described using the metaphor of a bride and groom. At other times, Christ is described as a princely or kingly type of figure. The truth however is that these may be useful as metaphors but there are no simple labels to adequately describe it, and your own relationship with God is personal and unique.

At times, you may feel a love from God which feels almost 'parental'. Christians believe in what is called the 'Holy Trinity' (Holy Three) who make up the 'Godhead' - God the Father, Christ the Son, and the Holy Spirit. These three entities are seen as being one yet distinctive at the same time. This can seem confusing, and is called one of the 'divine mysteries' - something above the comprehension of man. God the Father is seen as our creator, Christ our redeemer, and the Holy Spirit our sanctifier. Each of these entities is described as a personal being, i.e.  they each possess intelligence, will and self-consciousness in their own right. This is an important part of Christian belief - it is stated at the beginning of the major creeds. The highest form of love is unconditional, self-sacrificial love, and is personified by the example of Christ. I have not yet discussed the specific role of Christ - this is included later, in its own section.

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KINESIOLOGY/NEUROTHEOLOGY

What follows may seem quite technical and may sound quite unfamiliar to readers but as far as I know, is well backed up by modern medical research and is what led to most of my own spiritual experience. Kinesiology is a modern ‘health science’ which deals with the connection between the mind and body and utilizes this to achieve optimum balance and health. This is only a very basic description and if you wish to know more I suggest reading further from other sources. Kinesiology is these days taught at many mainstream universities and has a number of applications. I was drawn to it because of its very ‘scientific’ basis. In its pure form, it has no association with any cult. But many of the ‘New Agers’ have picked up on it and combined it with other forms of ‘alternative healing’. The most common thing seems to be the use of subliminal visualisations and meditational techniques.

In my time, I have read a couple of New Age books. I realised that more than ninety per cent of them were probably rubbish – they conflicted with each other in theories and some made no sense at all. But there did seem to be one interesting common thread. Brain pattern recording instruments have become popular recently in teaching forms of meditation. In some studies, it has been noted that people who were supposedly more susceptible to experiencing psychic or supernatural phenomena were more likely to exhibit a certain type of brain activity i.e. relatively balanced activity between the left and right cerebral hemispheres, and most likely more activity in the frontal regions.

The human brain is a very complex organ. But very basically, the left hemisphere is supposed to govern such functions as logical, rational, concrete thought – which is predominant in today’s Western society. The right hemisphere controls the emotions, the imagination and the artistic, creative and musical senses. (It is supposed to be the ‘ideal’ to have a good balance of each.) In previous times, it seems that the human brain was thought to be exclusively the domain of intellectual, logical and rational thought. But according to modern research, this is not the case. (There is probably still much which is not very well understood about this subject area, however research seems to have progressed quite fast in recent times.)

N.B. I am including this section because I recently watched a show on television which provided an insight into the latest developments in the field of 'neurotheology'. By comparing the results of brain scanning imagery, it was determined that the states experienced by a group of Franciscan nuns during prayer and Buddhists during meditation were markedly similar. The scans tended to display increased blood flow in the temporal lobe areas and decreased flow in the parietal areas. The parietal areas of the brain are thought to govern our awareness of space and time - which is suspended during deep prayer/meditation. People who suffer from temporal lobe epilepsy have been known to experience intense mystical and religious states during seizures. However, the information which comes through in these cases is usually disordered and incoherent. All the same, it tends to suggest that this part of the brain is somehow very involved in the religious experience.

The above experiment was carried out by Dr Andrew Newberg, of the Hospital of the University of Pennsylvania. Others featured in this documentary ('God On The Brain', BBC, www.bbc.co.uk/horizon) included: Dr Michael Persinger, Laurentian University; Professor Vilayanur Ramachandran, University of California, San Diego; and Bishop Stephen Sykes, University of Durham. There exist a number of sites on the Internet which are dedicated to the subject of neurotheology. I find it encouraging that there are research scientists who take this area seriously enough to undertake these studies.

Most people have a tendency towards left brain dominance and this is the reason most people are right handed – the left brain hemisphere controls the right side of the body, and vice versa. This is because it is left brain type thinking – logical and concrete, ‘rational’ thought – which dominates in today’s society. It has been suggested that ancient spiritual rituals helped tap into the dormant right cerebral hemisphere, and hence led to mystical and spiritual experiences.

I have also mentioned above the ‘frontal region’ of the brain. This is the part of the brain which is supposed to set humans apart from other species. It governs the skills of language, and focussing upon one task at a time. It is supposed to be the most recently evolved part of the brain in humans (for this reason it is called the ‘neocortex’, Latin for ‘new brain’). And it is also supposed to help modulate the lower, more ‘primal’ brain. This latter part is supposed to help regulate the ‘survivalist’ and physically-oriented aspects of human nature i.e. the functions of eating, sleeping, plus the aggressive and sexual instincts. The neocortex, in contrast, is what gives us impulse-control and the ability to empathise with other individuals i.e. to think before we act and to consider the effect on the other person.

Everyone has probably heard of ‘fight or flight’ syndrome. Whenever we feel stressed (threatened or under attack), our adrenaline kicks in and we tend to retreat back to the ‘survivalist instinct’. This may serve to protect us in the short term, but when it becomes habitual, problems can arise. We can become sick and prone to breakdown, because this is not the way in which we are supposed to be operating. In the long term, this can lead to dysfunctional and antisocial forms of behaviour, such as relationship breakdown and criminal, aggressive behaviour towards others. Alternatively, we may internalise our hurt or anger, or attempt to numb it by developing addictions. People who suffer from depression - the modern epidemic - or other forms of mental illness quite often show diminished activity in the frontal region. (I wish to make it clear however that any illness may be caused by a variety of possible reasons. It is not necessarily a reflection upon the moral/spiritual character or condition of an individual, as so many people first seem to think.)

Kinesiology is supposed to help encourage balanced brain behaviour, and this is one of the main reasons why I started using it – it was almost as if I was using myself as a type of experiment. I could see nothing wrong with trying to utilize the full mind potential which God gave us, so why not?

In retrospect, this was a ridiculously naïve approach, for several reasons. I had no solid religious background of any note. And there is of course much more to the whole process than this – God’s part needs to be recognised, and this is more than just a set of neural or physical responses. It did give results (before long, I began to experience heat in my ‘chakras’) but I did also have to work tremendously hard to try to ‘catch up’ in many areas afterwards. I was very ill-prepared for the things which were to follow. I knew virtually nothing much at all about prayer, even – though I guess that during my awakening, I succeeded in reaching states which are most commonly associated with very deep prayer. I was able to read the Psalms afterwards – perhaps the most famous collection of prayers of all ever written – and suddenly feel able to identify with them more deeply on the spiritual level.

When my Kundalini awakening occurred during an Easter, I think that one of the main reasons why I was so surprised was because up until then, I had thought that I was in control of the entire process. Now I was coming to the realisation that something else, beyond myself, was in the true control of events – and that’s what threw me the most. Of course, we have our own free will. But we often don’t pay sufficient attention to the way in which God is at work and is concerned in our lives.

Note that according to the above model of how the brain works, the lower, physical and aggressive instincts cannot simply be repressed or their existence denied. At certain points during your own spiritual development, you may become aware of some old, long buried feelings and desires coming up to the surface – they never really entirely went away. Many people go through this (including Christians), and while it tends to be a short lived part of the process, it can be very intense and you must be very careful and self-responsible, during this period. If you have been through any very severe past trauma, things may be especially problematic for you, and you need to ensure that you have an adequate ‘support system’ available. Try to avoid 'high-risk' situations which might set you off emotionally, and open you up to something which you may regret later.

It is important to know how to deal with these feelings which may emerge in a positive, constructive manner. If you feel like crying, go ahead and cry. If you feel like you just can’t contain your anger, it’s better to go hit a punching bag rather than another person. There is no excuse for being verbally or physically abusive towards others. Eventually, you will move past this and be able to replace feelings like hatred and anger with love and forgiveness. The result will be a lifting of a great burden and healing of many past issues. Prayer can be very important, during this time – both your own prayer and that of others.

Many Christians I know disagree with this exploration of the ‘inner being’ and personal issues. To an extent I can see where they’re coming from, but don’t feel that I can agree entirely, in all cases. As said above, this part of the process can be intense but it is typically only short-lived. People will move on and let go of old feelings and issues when they are ready.

In one church I tried attending, one of the members – a man with a family and of high standing in the community – tragically committed suicide. In this church, I generally got the impression that people who suffered from depression and emotional issues were often judged as just being weak, neurotic, self-absorbed, and lacking in commitment to God. Most of the time, people seemed to try to hide these problems and keep up a happy, coping façade. (Now and then there would be some shocking event or social ‘scandal’ which would expose the lie of the façade, when people were pushed beyond breaking point.) This did not appear to change even after the suicide. I still heard the same old teachings and judgements and was frankly quite disturbed by it all. It seemed to me that people were actually being discouraged from seeking help, and I was very concerned about the implications, in the case of severely troubled persons. In my opinion, all people in ministry should be given in-depth training in how to deal with people suffering from depression. I can’t believe how lightly some of them seem to take it and how negative and insulting they can be towards people in their care, who are fragile enough already.

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KUNDALINI AND CHRISTIANITY IN HISTORY

Some researchers who have studied the Bible contest that certain passages contain descriptions of experiences similar to that of Kundalini, or else that the symbolism unmistakably is connected to it. Sometimes I think that maybe the lines are drawn too hastily but that there may be something in it. The general consensus, however, is that even if there was some awareness of Kundalini phenomena in Christianity, it was lagging far behind the understanding of the East. This is what I also initially supposed. Now perhaps, we may have to consider the possibility that this was not the case.

If there was some awareness or experience of Kundalini in past Christian/Judaic tradition, how is it then that it was lost? There may be several reasons. I’ve referred to some of the possible reasons of today, but it’s something which possibly goes very far back in time.

Whether the Bible contains complete spiritual knowledge is an issue which divides theologians. My own opinion is that if something is not found described in the Bible, but doesn't necessarily contradict Bible teaching, it can still be valid. From my reading of John 16:12-13, Jesus hinted at further knowledge to be acquired. The Bible certainly contains the necessary, vital ingredients. But it should also be taken into consideration that the Gospels are a condensed, truncated account of a three year ministry. They were also intended for a less informed, less 'sophisticated' audience than that of today. I believe that there is much more which could be done to make their message more accessible today - but there are many who seem to resist this leap forward. To me, it is not surprising that today's churches are in many cases perceived as being out of touch or slow to keep pace with current world conditions. I don't believe that addressing this means that we need to compromise Scriptural integrity.

I have heard of a supposed ancient form of Western enlightenment which is referred to as ‘Christos’ or ‘baptism of the Holy Spirit’, but I do not know exactly where it originated from and have only been able to find information about it from one source. It was supposed to be characterised by some kind of force entering through the heart area and then descending down throughout the body. I also experienced this, at the same time as my Kundalini awakening.

In recent times, there has been much discussion about an early offshoot branch of Christianity known as the ‘Gnostics’ (it has been suggested that they may have had some knowledge of Kundalini). They were severely persecuted for heresy by the early Catholic Church and hence faded. There is no doubt that many of their thoughts and beliefs were heretical and became increasingly fanciful, embellished and contaminated by the beliefs of other cultures they came into contact with, over time. They were said however to have held Gospels supposedly written by some of the Apostles and other associates of Jesus, which were not included in the Bible. This is a very controversial modern issue and even if it has some basis, it seems that the recovered ‘minor Gospels’ may not have survived wholly intact, in their original version. The publication of such works as ‘The Da Vinci Code’ has once again brought all this, however, much into focus.

Using as an example the Gospel of Thomas (the 'lost' Gospel I perhaps find the most interesting), I have heard strong arguments both for and against sections of it. I know a priest who says that while he finds elements of these other Gospels interesting and intriguing, he cannot accept their entire contents. It is necessary to read both sides of the scholastic arguments before forming opinions. I have to say that after all I have been through, I myself would probably go along with the orthodox, conventional view of the Church. That is, I believe in the Virgin Birth, the healings and miracles of Christ, and the Resurrection. I do not believe that these events were exaggerated, metaphorical or symbolic.

There is actually quite good evidence to support the four main Gospels of the New Testament. For more information about their origins, please click here.

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KUNDALINI IN TODAY’S CHURCH

‘Charismatic’ churches, in which direct experience of the Holy spirit is emphasised (people falling to the floor and the like) seem to be the trend, at the moment. I’ve heard stories about people from charismatic/Pentecostal churches who say they have felt great heat in their bodies during services. Whether or not this is related to Kundalini, I cannot say – I have not read any stories with enough detail in them to be able to tell. At one point during my own awakening, I remember my body suddenly feeling very heavy – it was all I could do to make it to the nearest chair. The feeling gradually began to decrease but actually lingered for several months. I’m reminded of all this when I see people ‘overcome by the Spirit’ and falling to the floor during church services. Not everyone is a fan of this type of service. There are those who hate the noise, the lack of order, the emotionalism, the fixation upon having ‘experiences’, etc. Some of the older-fashioned churches, however - like the Catholic and Anglican churches - are taking inspiration from it and forming their own small ‘charismatic’ branches. Charismatic and healing services are usually available in their main city churches.

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SCIENCE VERSUS FAITH

I obviously have quite a strong interest in science, and probably always have. But I feel that just as strongly, I have always had a belief in something beyond the physical and temporal world. If man were ever able to totally dissect and comprehend everything in the universe, we would be able to re-enact the creation of it, and that would put us on the same level as God – which I just have never believed is ever entirely possible (and is really a very arrogant point of view). How do you explain the miracle of life, for example? No one knows. The more we discover about the universe, the more questions just seem to arise. Many of today's leading scientists do not find the idea of an 'Intelligent Designer' of the universe so difficult to accept.

I tend to be an extremely analytical person by nature – I want to know how everything works and how it was put together. However, these days I have probably finally come to accept that in some cases, there is no humanly comprehendible explanation and that some things – as said earlier - just have be accepted by faith. Otherwise, we can miss out on much of the awe, wonder and glory of God, which is an essential part of experiencing Him.

Christians actually do not, for the most part, believe by ‘blind faith’ alone. Many of us may take the first step by faith (though I was not in that category) but it is confirmed to us afterwards in a number of ways. We know that what we believe is having a very real and ongoing impact in our lives. When we experience upliftment from prayer or worship, we know that it is God’s presence with us. And so on.

Most of us, in our day to day lives, are not really aware of the presence of God. We are too immersed in our own affairs. Time and again, He may try to reach us, but we are ‘asleep’. This is one of the reasons why the Bible reminds us to ‘be vigilant, and watch.’ How different things might be if we took some time out to look at things from the spiritual perspective or from God’s perspective, rather than our own limited, self-centred, worldly, human perspectives.

Man is more than just some ‘glorified ape’, or slave to his own primeval and physical impulses/instincts. Unfortunately, ‘evolutionary theory’, whether true or not (many scientists themselves do not find it a complete explanation),  probably didn’t help much in this regard. I love animals but man is the only species as yet who has been able to evolve complex religious rituals and wonder about his own spiritual nature, or relationship with God.

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THE ROLE OF JESUS

As said above, Christians tend to place a greater emphasis on faith in God's grace than on 'good works'. It is true that "faith by itself, if it has no works, is dead" (James 2:17, NRSV). True faith is ultimately producive of good works. However, man is seen as incapable of saving himself through good works alone - whatever we do, it's never quite enough. When we look inside ourselves, we can all find imperfections and things which separate us from the Divine. We can never be 'equal' with God. In Christianity, this deficiency or separation is seen as being compensated for by Christ's sacrifice - God becoming incarnate as a human and then giving His life to pay for our transgressions, through His death and subsequent Resurrection, in an act of love and charity towards humanity. Reconciliation with God is made possible. This gift is known as 'grace' - which comes from the Latin word 'gratia', meaning a free favour. There is nothing we have done to deserve it or earn it. Neither can we ever fully repay it. It is God's free gift. From Galatians 2:20-21,

"I have been crucified with Christ; and it is no longer I who live, but it is Christ who lives in me. And this life I now live in the flesh I live by faith in the Son of God, who loved me and gave himself for me. I do not nullify the grace of God; for if justification comes through the law, then Christ died for nothing." (NRSV)

This is tantamount to a spiritual rebirth - it is Christ now living in us who is responsible for the 'good works'. We now do things for others not for what merit we might obtain or what we might receive in return, but because it is Christ's life, love and virtue now residing within us. This is what it means to receive the Holy Spirit, or to aspire to 'Christ-likeness'. As Jesus said during His ministry, from Matthew 19:16-19,

"A disciple is not above the teacher, nor a slave above the master; it is enough for the disciple to be like the teacher, and the slave like the master." (NRSV - for those who object to the words 'slave' and 'master', this was the common working system of the day and was quite different from the sense in which we think of it today. These words in the Bible are not an endorsement of exploitation or slavery.)

'The law' mentioned above is the old Mosaic law concerning Jewish rules and rituals, such as circumcision, dietary rules, and sacrificial rituals. However, the new relationship (or 'covenant') with God described by Paul did not make void the Jewish moral code and commandments. In His Sermon on the Mount, Jesus is quoted as saying in Matthew 5:17,

"Do not think that I have come to abolish the law or the prophets; I have come not to abolish but to fulfil." (NRSV)

Jesus taught against mere outward observance of rules and rituals, and religious exclusivity, during His ministry. But He clearly believed in the Jewish moral code:

Then someone came to him and said, "Teacher, what good deed must I do to have eternal life?" And he said to him "...If you wish to enter into life, keep the commandments." He said to him, "Which ones?" And Jesus said, "You shall not murder; You shall not commit adultery; You shall not bear false witness; Honor your father and mother; also, You shall love your neighbor as yourself." (Matthew 19:16-19, NRSV)

 

Just then a lawyer stood up to test Jesus. "Teacher," he said, "what must I do to inherit eternal life?" He said to him, 'What is written in the law? What do you read there?" He answered, "You shall love the Lord your God with all your heart, and with all your soul, and with all your strength, and with all your mind; and your neighbor as yourself." And he said to him, "You have given the right answer; do this, and you will live." (Luke 10:25-28, NRSV)

To Jesus, the entire 'law and the prophets' could be summed up in the one commandment, 'love God and love your neighbor as yourself'. He regarded Himself as fulfilling the vision and prophecy of the past, by completing and developing the original Mosaic law - bringing it to its final fruition. Virtually every aspect of the law of Moses could be said to have its Christian equivalent. The rite of circumcision became the ritual of Holy Baptism. The Passover was replaced with 'the Lord's supper' (Communion), the Jewish Sabbath with the Christian Sunday, the animal sacrifice rituals with the almighty sacrifice of Jesus in His Crucifixion. As said above, He tended to emphasise the internal application of the law, asserting that correct conduct began with purity within - and this eventually replaced the traditional dietary requirements, whereas before, certain foods were seen as 'corrupting' or 'defiling' (i.e. something from the outside could 'corrupt' or contaminate you).

Many Christians would take issue with the fact that so far I have not mentioned the word 'sin' in this document. Many non-Christians associate the word with preaching and moralising lectures. As said above, however, who of us can truthfully say we are without imperfections? The Bible asserts that God's way is not our way, and this is seen as being a result of 'the Fall' or the original sin/rebellion of mankind, when the original harmony and relationship between God and mankind was broken. We are left with a world which contains many reflections of the original glory of God, but also examples of wretchedness, violence, brutality and ugliness.  While we are made 'in the image of God', that image is said to be flawed or imperfect. We have chosen to 'go our own way', but God has never entirely let us go. We feel a sort of homesickness or restlessness in our souls until we feel reunited with God. However, we also often feel a pulling in the other direction towards 'the way of the world'.

The sacrifice of Jesus was supposed to provide a possible way to reconcile or restore the broken relationship between God and man. Forgetting all this does not seem to have led us into true happiness, fulfilment or 'enlightenment', in the past few decades. The world and society in general seems to be more troubled than ever, with gross inequality and the loss of community and family values. Instead, empty vices such as drugs, casual sex and rampant materialism/commercialism have taken priority. I do believe that moral standards are today severely lacking, yet we don't seem able to see it or call it for what it is. The 'new morality' is pleasing the self. One can only hope that some day, we come 'full circle'.

Many people today question the accuracy, relevance and authority of the Old Testament. There is debate about whether the stories in it were mythical/symbolic or supposed to be taken literally. The Old Testament is important in many ways because it lays the entire foundation for the New Testament - a knowledge of it helps one to understand the New Testament a lot better. In many church services, you will usually find that there are readings from each historical part of the Bible, to illustrate the continuation between the Old and New Testaments. Whatever the origin of the stories, I have always found their central moral message or illustration to be correct, and to me this is what is important. It is interesting to see what some recent archaeological advances have turned up about some of the most unlikely seeming Bible stories. But I have no doubt that many things in it cannot be explained in terms of natural events or occurrences - when it comes down to it, it's a matter of faith and you either believe it or you don't.

If we 'die' so that Christ can live in us, what happens to our identity? This is something which used to confuse and trouble me. Before I made the step, however, I can't say that I felt all that happy with myself, whole or complete, anyway. It seems to be that God works with the individual. The love and attention He gives to all is highly personalised. In 1 Corinthians 12, St Paul uses an analogy of one body with many different parts - but each of these parts is related to and essential to the whole. Here he is using the human body as an analogy for a 'body' of believers. An excerpt:

'Now there are varieties of gifts, but the same Spirit; and there are varieties of services, but the same Lord; and there are varieties of activities, but it is the same God who activates all of them in everyone. To each is given the manifestation of the Spirit for the common good... All these [gifts] are activated by one and the same Spirit, who allots to each one individually just as the Spirit chooses.' (NRSV)

When you read through the Bible, essentially the same message seems to come through each of the writers. However, their ways of expressing themselves can vary, and it is still possible to detect the individual personalities, character traits and temperaments of each. These things don't just disappear or become subsumed in the process.

Many these days search for 'self-realisation' or 'self-actualisation'. The irony is that the more you search for it, the more elusive it seems to be. The key, as I once heard one minister say, is to be 'affirmed in God', rather than affirmed in the self - which is a good way of putting it.

The problem with many forms of mysticism is that one can feel so united in divine ecstasy with God that one can begin to identify oneself as the source and centre of the experience. We can begin to take credit for it ourselves. This is a fallacy because on our own, without the assistance of God, we are useless - nothing will occur.

Christianity undeniably raises some difficult questions. For instance, if a belief in Christ is necessary in order to be 'saved', then what happens to those who have never even had the opportunity to have heard about Christianity? Are we supposed to believe that these people are automatically condemned, or does God make a special provision? If so, what form does that provision take?

The concept of 'eternal punishment' or condemnation is a stumbling block for many non-Christians. There is no doubt that from the Biblical point of view, Hell exists. There is the possibility that there are those souls who choose to make evil a permanent part of their nature, and hence have no possibility of redemption in this world or the next. However, there is debate among scholars about the true nature of 'eternal punishment' - whether repentant souls, open to higher levels of enlightenment, can be at least to some extent 'remediated'. It is not really my place to say entirely what is the case, but I wish to point out that there is quite a range of opinion between believers, churches and theologians.

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'SUMMING UP'

The God of the Christian religion is a very personal God – not just some anomalous, anonymous force behind the natural creation, or something which is just our own spiritual potential. This was something which perhaps surprised me the most – just how personal the whole thing seemed to feel. After my experience, I felt acutely aware that if I were the only person living, Christ would have gone through what He did just for my sake alone. And yet He feels the same love for all. It is a love which is at the same time universal yet also intensely intimate, specific and personal.

I cannot say that I regret my experience and what it has taken me to get here. There are certain things which I probably could have done better. But I believe that I was always supposed to go through it, and even if I did it unconventionally, it perhaps helps to equip me better to reach out to others who at present don’t know which way to turn. Sometimes I read the stories of others who are presently undergoing their own ‘spiritual crises’ and I can really feel for them because I feel that I can so easily identify with it all. I hope that the above might help some in their own situations, and my greatest wish would be that there will be greater understanding and support available in the future – because at present there probably couldn’t be more need for it.

I'd personally like to say thank you for the interest in and support of this website so far - as muddled as it might seem. It hasn't really been easy to have found myself seemingly caught in between two worlds, and not really feeling like I fully belong to either. I have tried to write, without the usual mystical trappings, about what it is like actually living day to day with Kundalini - I'd like to wish all others the best on their own journey.

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* This text may be reproduced or copied, either in part or in its entirety, provided that the original source is credited, and the website address given.

* The Scripture quotations contained herein are from the New Revised Standard Version Bible, copyright, 1989, by the Division of Christian Education of the National Council of the Churches of Christ in the U.S.A. Used by permission. All rights reserved.