Mike Smith

My missus has told me on more than one occasion in the last twenty-six years that I’m a creature of habit. Sometimes, just a creature - but I concede she has a point in that I’m someone who likes routine. Hearts at home, pre-match pint, post-match pint, analysing the game afterwards, that sort of thing. She knows that when the JTs are at Tynecastle there’s little point in her planning anything involving me. Tedious trips looking at wallpaper in B&Q or dubious Swedish sofas at IKEA will need to wait. I’ve missed only a handful of games at Tynecastle in the last few decades - but it’s one of the curiosities of my life that two of those games have been against Saturday's opponents Kilmarnock. And both those games against Ayrshire’s finest were missed as a result of weddings.

I’ve never understood why people want to get married during the football season. My missus says she’s never understood why we got married at all but that’s another story. Missing a game is bad enough. But missing two, three, possibly four games by going on honeymoon is unthinkable. Now Mrs Smith will tell you I’m being a tad hypocritical here as we tied the knot in the middle of the 1982 World Cup. Her grandfather gave her away - I won’t crack the obvious gag here - and he had one helluva big shotgun and was a mean shot. But we didn’t head to Spain for the honeymoon as I suggested - we ended up in Blackpool where, four days into our marriage, I hatched my first plan to evade the missus to head for the pub to watch the football. When Alan Hansen collided with Willie Miller to enable the Soviet Union to take a 2-1 lead and so end Scotland’s World Cup hopes, I wish I hadn’t bothered. So I made a major concession and headed back to my less than happy bride. I even missed Graeme Souness scoring Scotland’s equaliser to be by her side but there was no pleasing her.

But to get back to missing the Kilmarnock games. On 24 September 1994, I wasn’t standing on the crumbling Tynecastle terracing as usual. Instead I was the best man at my father’s wedding in Port Glasgow (it’s a long story) As I was reading out the telegrams - ask your parents what telegrams are, younger readers - I had just cracked a gag about there being one from Her Majesty’s Inspector of Taxes and reading it later. As the tumbleweed floated across the floor, I caught a signal from my half brother at the next table. The signal indicated Hearts had beaten Kilmarnock 3-0. My jaw dropped to the extent my father nudged me in the ribs and told me to get on with it. This was the season Tommy McLean was Hearts manager and such a result was quite unexpected. Of course, I spent an anxious period thereafter trying to get confirmation that my half brother wasn’t winding me up or hadn’t got the score the wrong way round. It took some time before I discovered that John Millar, Alan McLaren and Gary Mackay had scored the goals that secured a fine Hearts win.

Years later the corresponding fixture in October 2006 saw my seat in the Wheatfield Stand vacant. As was the seat of my mate Gordon, whose wedding was the occasion of missing another game against Killie. This time there was little trouble in getting the score from Tynecastle. Twelve years on and mobile technology had advanced faster than a Lee Wallace forward run. So I didn’t have to fret about getting the score. But I did fret when I did get the score. Gordon had tied the knot and we were back at the reception by 3.40pm by which time the roof had fallen in at Tynecastle and Hearts were 2-0 down. When I quickly relayed the information to the big fella his look of dismay didn’t go down well with his new bride. Apparently weddings are meant to be happy occasions. Cue a scowl of some magnitude from his lovely new wife and a severe lecture from my not so lovely older wife along the lines of ‘can’t you forget about Hearts for one day?’ As if…

I’ve written this article several days before Saturday's game. At the time of writing, it is my vowed intention to be at Tynecastle for the clash with Killie, in my usual place, having had my pre-match pint(s) ready for another afternoon’s thrilling entertainment. As far as I know, I don’t have a wedding to go to and I can concentrate my thoughts on watching Hearts try to earn three valuable points. But it is Kilmarnock we’re playing. So if there’s a vacant seat in Section D of the Wheatfield Stand on Saturday you may wish to ponder that its owner may have been called at very short notice to another shotgun wedding…

Mike Smith, 2 October 2008

 

 

 

 

It’s the question on many people’s lips. Why did the chicken cross the road? These are the views of the SPL managers. Allegedly...

Csaba Laszlo: It is important for this young chicken to show character. Sometimes it isn’t always about how you cross the road it’s getting across the road. You can try and cross the road prettily but if you don’t reach the other side it means nothing. I want that chicken to work really hard at crossing the road, the chicken must be confident and show determination. And….(thanks, Csaba)

Mixu Paatelainen: I thought the chicken was excellent early on but it’s a young chicken who has still to learn its trade. But the signs are encouraging and I think in a couple of years we will be selling the chicken to Celtic.

Gordon Strachan: Listen, the chicken crossed the road. It doesnae matter how it did it, it got there in the end. I think you guys like to belittle the chicken’s achievements. We huvnae got the budget of the likes of Man Utd or Barcelona who can shell out (see what I did there?) millions on top quality free range chickens. We’ve got to cut our cloth accordingly and make do. But it got there. Next question…

Walter Smith: It was particularly pleasing that the chicken made it as it had been troubled by injury in the build up to crossing the road and it was touch and go if it would make it. We were disappointed the last chicken got run over in Kaunas but it just made this new chicken particularly determined to do the business.

Jimmy Calderwood: I was raging at the chicken early on, it was just making too many basic errors. Me and Jimmy Nick have been on at the chicken all week but it just didn’t listen to our instructions. You can preach til you’re red in the face but if the chicken doesn’t listen what can you do? I’m certainly not blaming myself…

Craig Levein: It was a ridiculous decision to have the chicken crossing this particular road in the first place. I mean the chicken has a living to make and decisions like these can cost dearly. But it’s not the first time this has happened and won’t be the last. We’ll certainly be submitting a strongly worded protest to the Chief Executive of the Chicken Association. Not that he’ll listen mind - he only listens to the Glasgow chickens…

John ‘Yogi’ Hughes: I thought the chicken was absolutely magnificent today, from start to finish. No one gave the chicken a chance but, to be fair, it showed us what it can do.

Gus MacPherson: It’s disappointing. I gave the chicken specific instructions not to cross the road but it did it anyway. But, in fairness, the chicken has come a long way in a relatively short space of time and it’s still a leaning curve.

Jim Jefferies: Well, the chicken has shown it has the makings of a good bird. It may not have the quality of other chickens but it works hard and if you put in the effort you never know. The chicken was written off in some quarters but Billy Brown and I pinned the negative newspaper reports to the chicken coup and it did the trick.

Billy Reid: I thought the chicken fully deserved to cross the road. But in my view it was never a fowl….

Mark McGhee: I wanted to cross the road with the chicken but the chairman phoned me on my mobile just as I was about to step off the pavement. I’m happy to stay on this side of the road. For now at least until a top-rated English chicken interests me then I’ll be off.

Craig Brewster: I thought the chicken was first class. Tasted lovely with some gravy and vegetables and a wee glass of Highland Spring water...

 

Mike 'scraping the barrel' Smith, 21 September 2008

 

As the month of August ended I changed the page of my Hearts calendar only to find it dripping with irony. For a whole month the smiling face of Andrius Velicka wheeling away after scoring a goal greeted me every morning as I rose from my slumber. The fact that the Lithuanian striker has moved twice since my daughter kindly bought me the calendar last Christmas - to Viking Stavanger and then to Rangers - was hard enough to take. But the fact that Hearts have not had a proven goalscorer since his departure was demonstrated all the more acutely after the painful Co-op Insurance Cup defeat by First Division Airdrie United at Tynecastle a couple of weeks ago. 120 minutes failed to produce a goal against Kenny Black’s side and the inevitable happened whenever Hearts play Airdrie in a penalty shoot-out…

Like many Hearts players last season, Velicka had days when he struggled to make an impression. But he was, undoubtedly, a goal scoring threat. The fact he scored 14 goals for the maroons last season speaks volumes. But I suspect I’m not the only Hearts supporter who yearns for a player like the legendary John Robertson to come into the present Hearts side and set the SPL alight with goals aplenty. It’s astonishing to think that more than a quarter of a century has passed since wee Robbo burst on to the scene, helped Hearts to promotion in 1983 (yes, younger readers, Hearts have endured some tough times!) and went on to become the club’s record league goalscorer. And, of course, earn the moniker The Hammer of the Hibs.

Under the ebullient Csaba Laszlo, Hearts are certainly playing more of a passing game than has been evident for some time, since perhaps the blistering start the JTs made to the SPL campaign three years ago under George Burley. I would mention the word flair here but I wouldn’t wish to breach copyright legislation as this term is seemingly the preserve of Mixu Paatelainen’s all-conquering Hibernian side… But the style of Hearts play this season certainly seems to suit the likes of Michael Stewart, whose start to this season has been so impressive he’s already rekindled his Scotland career. But, as pleasing on the eye as this is, I can’t help thinking how much more impressive Hearts would be if we had an out and out goalscorer.

Hearts were linked with Celtic’s out of favour Derek Riordan before the transfer window closed - sorry, slammed shut as the cliché goes - but the man whose allegiance to Edinburgh’s other team and the contempt which many people feel he has shown to Hearts fans in the past meant such a move was never likely. ‘Deek’ - you can tell he’s a Hibby - duly rejoined Hibs. It remains to be seen whether Mike Tullberg, Hearts loan signing from Reggina is the answer. At the time of writing, injury has prevented the great Dane from taking his bow in a maroon shirt but I would suggest it’s a tad unfair to be pinning our hopes on one man.

It’s somewhat incongruous that Hearts are presently a wee bit short in the striking department as I recall not so talented Hearts teams in years gone by having at least one player who would put fear into opposing defences. Leaving aside the obvious inclusion of John Robertson, who could forget Mark De Vries scoring four goals against the Lochend Brazil on his Tynecastle debut in 2003? Or Stephane Adam running Rangers Lorenzo Amoruso ragged in the 1998 Scottish Cup Final? How about Ricardo Fuller, now starring in the FA Premiership with Stoke, running sixty yards and beating half the Motherwell team to score the best goal I’ve ever seen at Tynecastle three days before Christmas 2001? Even when Hearts were down on their luck in the mid 1970s, there was Donald Ford, centre forward supreme who was far too good for the ailing maroon team of three decades ago.

Nothing excites the fans like a striker or a wing wizard who can turn games with goals and audacious pieces of skill. Hearts look a team transformed this season under Csaba Laszlo and the likes of Michael Stewart and Andrew Driver seem to be relishing their new found freedom to display to their undoubted talent. Securing the services of proven goalscorers is akin to finding gold dust these days - even European champions Manchester United seemed aware of a need for such a player given their protracted chase of Tottenham Hotspur’s Dimitar Berbatov. Hearts have been playing a 4-5-1 system in the last couple of seasons but, being of an age when I remember seeing Hearts teams play three men up front, I’m of the opinion Jamie Mole needs a decent striker partner. Perhaps a fully fit Mike Tullberg or Christian Nade may be the answer. Failing that, it’s a long wait until January when the transfer window is prised open once more. I don’t suppose John Robertson fancies pulling on his boots again?!

Mike Smith, 7 September 2008

 

 

 

1990 – a new year, a new decade and a new era, not only for this writer but for Heart of Midlothian Football Club. After several years in Aberdeen, I had moved to Edinburgh, intent that my young family would enjoy a better way of life and the cultural experience that was living in the capital city. While I was moving in, the man who had rescued Hearts from oblivion, the man who took Hearts to minutes of the league championship, the man who took Hearts to the latter stages of European competition – Alex MacDonald – was moving out. The writing was on the wall for wee Doddy in March 1990 when a highly fancied Hearts team lost 4-1 at Aberdeen in the quarter-finals of the Scottish Cup. It was another season that ended in bitter disappointment for Hearts supporters who began to question just how many gut wrenching events they could stomach. When Hearts began season 1990/91 with defeat at Dunfermline and then were again comprehensively beaten by Aberdeen in a League Cup tie at Pittodrie the knives were out - particularly when, during that cup-tie, MacDonald favoured bringing on Walter Kidd as a substitute instead of £750,000 signing Derek Ferguson at a time when Hearts were two goals down. A 3-1 defeat by Rangers at Tynecastle in the league three days later sealed Macdonald’s fate.

Former Scotland international Joe Jordan was the surprise choice as MacDonald’s replacement. One of the best strikers ever to play for Scotland, Jordan had been manager at Bristol City where his impressive style of management had not gone unnoticed by bigger clubs. Indeed, Jordan had turned down the opportunity to manage Aston Villa just months earlier so his appointment at Tynecastle was seen as a real coup. Although Jordan had no previous link with Hearts – unusually for a Gorgie boss - it was clear that chairman Wallace Mercer had looked at Ibrox where Graeme Souness had transformed Rangers and thought Jordan could emulate his international team mate. The difference was that Souness was given a blank chequebook – Jordan would have very little money as Hearts finances worsened. On paper, Hearts looked a strong team. With the much heralded defensive pairing of Craig Levein and Dave McPherson at last playing alongside each other for a decent run of games, the influential Derek Ferguson in midfield and the goal scoring prowess of John Robertson up front, Hearts looked good enough to give any team a run for their money. But the full-backs positions were a worry with neither George Wright nor Jimmy Sandison having the consistency to make those positions their own. In midfield it seemed too much was expected of Ferguson who found it difficult to gel with Gary Mackay and Davie Kirkwood while, up front, the goals seemed to dry up for John Robertson who went three months without scoring a league goal. Despite their troubles, Hearts were still good enough to beat Hibernian as a 3-0 win at Easter Road in September 1990 proved.

Two years after their memorable run which took them to the quarter-finals, Hearts were also looking forward to another run in the U.E.F.A. Cup. Now living in the capital city, I discussed with my mate Gordon the prospect of travelling to the continent to see the mighty JTs and we awaited the first round draw with relish, particularly when some of the clubs in the first round draw were Inter Milan, Real Sociedad, Bordeaux and Anderlecht. Our hearts sank however, when we saw Hearts being paired with…..Dniepr Dnepropetrovsk. It was the era of glasnost and the Soviet Union was about to come to an end but I still didn’t fancy a trip to a club who played just forty miles from the site of the Chernobyl nuclear disaster in 1986. ‘We’ll save our cash for the second round’ we quipped but, given Hearts struggling league form, I didn’t fancy our chances against the Russians. But on September 19 in the first leg ‘behind the iron curtain’ Hearts produced a marvellous display and secured a 1-1 draw with, inevitably, John Robertson scoring the crucial away goal. Nearly 19,000 Jambos packed Tynecastle a fortnight later to see Hearts try and finish the job. After another famous European night, they weren’t to be disappointed!

Hearts: Smith; McLaren; McKinlay; Levein; Kirkwood; McPherson; Colquhoun; Wright; Robertson; Iain Ferguson and Bannon. Subs: Derek Ferguson; Mackay.

The return of Dave McPherson to the side – Big Slim had missed the first leg through suspension – was welcome while European veteran Eammon Bannon was encouraged to make as much forward runs as possible and to deliver telling passes to John Robertson and Iain Ferguson. There was a feeling that Fergie and Robbo were too similar in style to play effectively together but the pair of them fairly rumbled the Ukrainians on a memorable October evening. The hero of the night, not for the first time, was John Robertson.

The game kick off with the big crowd urging Hearts to glory and within second of the start, a brilliant piece of skill by Robertson seemed to light the blue touch paper. He dummied a through ball from Tosh McKinlay which let Iain Ferguson through the former Dundee United striker lashed the ball beyond keeper Gorodov to seemingly give Hearts a dream start. But the linesman on the stand side dampened Hearts celebrations by signalling for offside and Dniepr were let off the hook. It was a close call, as Ferguson seemed onside to most onlookers. Thereafter Hearts began to look a bit unsure of themselves. The 1-1 draw in the Ukraine meant a goalless game in Gorgie would be enough to secure Hearts place in the second round and the maroons seemed to be in two minds as to whether to go on the offensive or play it tight. Dniepr sensed Hearts unease and looked menacing on the counter-attack. Sidelnikov forced Henry Smith into making a couple of saves and it was clear Hearts still had work to do to ensure their progression in the competition.

George Wright was being encouraged to get forward as often as possible and the midfield player had a chance after fifteen minutes when eh found himself with time and space on the edge of the Dniepr penalty box. However, Wright’s effort sailed high into the packed Tynecastle terracings. Joe Jordan signalled to Dave McPherson that he wanted to use the defender’s height in attack to unsettle Dniepr’s defence and the Ukrainians found the former Rangers man a handful. After twenty minutes Hearts were awarded a free kick on the edge of the penalty box. McKinlay, an astute crosser of the ball, delivered a fine ball into the danger area where confusion reigned among the Dniepr defenders. Keeper Gorodov completely missed the cross but big Dave McPherson didn’t and the Hearts man produced a superb diving header to nod Hearts in front both on the night and on aggregate. Big Slim’s delight was unrestrained particularly as he had been manhandled by the Ukrainians shortly before this and the tie had come to life. Two minutes later, Hearts came forward again. The ever-dangerous John Colquhoun crossed from the right towards Iain Ferguson who managed to flick the ball on to John Robertson. As Robbo was about to pull the trigger he was pushed off the ball by Gerashenko and the Norwegian referee had no hesitation in pointing to the penalty spot. Robertson picked himself up and fired his penalty past Gorodov to put Hearts 2-0 ahead and a step closer to the second round.

Dniepr seemed to lose the place for a brief spell after this and Hearts did their best to capitalise on their indiscipline. There was almost a third goal when keeper Gorodov fumbled the ball but Davie Kirkwood’s eagerness to punish this error saw him lunge in and he was booked for fouling the Dniepr custodian. The maroons game plan then suffered a set back after thirty-five minutes when George Wright hobbled off injured. But his replacement was a Tynecastle legend – Gary Mackay. The midfield player, a Hearts fanatic as well as long serving player, would ensure the maroons kept their focus. Henry Smith was thankfully keeping his when he produced a stunning save from Shakhov to keep the score at 2-0. But with just four minutes until the break Dniepr got the breakthrough that few could grudge them. Tosh McKinlay fouled Bagmut and now it was Dniepr’s turn for a penalty kick. Shakhov beat Henry Smith from the spot - the first goal Smith had conceded at Tynecastle in European competition in over 400 minutes – and the tie was back in the melting pot again. But not for long!

Hearts immediately raced to the other end of the park and forced a corner kick. Colquhoun’s cross was headed goalwards by Alan McLaren for the towering figure of John Robertson to nod past Gorodov. As the half-time whistle blew Hearts were, remarkably, 3-1 ahead on the night, 4-2 on aggregate.

It was all or nothing for Dniepr in the second half and there were some anxious moments, particularly when Kudritsky’s effort flew just inches over the crossbar and Gudimenko was denied by the alertness of keeper Henry Smith who dived at the forward’s feet. Hearts, though, weren’t averse to trying to secure the fourth goal that would put the tie beyond the Ukrainians and Gorodov who seemed to go down in instalments eventually saved Iain Ferguson’s effort. John Colquhoun’s effort towards the end of the game was also close to settling the game but it seemed Dniepr, sensing the game ebbing away from them, had resorted to some tough tackling. Colquhoun, Ferguson, and Neil Berry were all the victims of some crude challenges but despite this Hearts saw the game out and there were no further goals. Hearts won 3-1 to go through 4-2 on aggregate and it was one of the more impressive European results for the Gorgie Boys. Along with 19,000 other Jambos, I celebrated a fine win that evening.

Mike Smith, 21 August 2008

Just before Hearts and Motherwell took to the field for Saturday’s opening day fixture of the new SPL season, Tynecastle Stadium Announcer Scott Wilson - by far and away the best in the business - played a rousing number by The Clash. Now anything by the sadly departed Joe Strummer earns plaudits with me but Rock the Casba - leaving aside the play on words in deference to the new Hearts manager Csaba Laszlo - cranked up the Tynecastle atmosphere to fever pitch.

The man charged with revitalising a Hearts team that looked as if they wanted be elsewhere for much of last season has got off to an encouraging start. The former coach of Ferencvaros, prised from the Ugandan Football Association by Vladimir Romanov after Mark McGhee - ironically back in town still as manager of Motherwell - declined the offer of managing Hearts has not let the fact he was not first choice for the job get in the way of his mission. A mission which is to turn Hearts from the shambling no-hopers of last season to a fit and hungry squad this term, ready to die for their team-mates and, most of all, their new manager. On the evidence of Saturday’s thrilling 3-2 win over the team who finished third in the SPL last season, spectacular progress has been made in little over a month.

There was arguably more excitement generated in ninety minutes at Tynecastle on Saturday than the whole of last season. For all Laszlo’s impressive talk beforehand, for all the customary bravado that greets the beginning of a football season when hopes are high and optimism rages no matter what went on just twelve weeks earlier, the bottom line was that Hearts began the new season with very much the same squad of players who had toiled just a few weeks ago. In fact the departure of Jose Goncalves and Ibrahim Tall and the casting to the wilderness of Calum Elliot had made the squad smaller in size, even if it’s debatable the quality had diminished significantly.

Hearts struggled in their pre-season trip to Germany and with the likes of Christian Nade, Gary Glen and the perennially injured Mirsad Beslija all sidelined it was difficult to see where the goals would come from in a Hearts team that was hardly flowing with goals last season. Despite the encouragement of a 1-0 win in a pre-season friendly over FA Premiership newcomers Hull City last week, I opined to fellow Jambos that a goalless draw against Motherwell would be a half decent result.

Hearts team formation against Motherwell suggested I had a point. Young Jamie Mole was the lone striker with Audrius Ksanavicius providing support with Andrew Driver patrolling down the left wing. Now Mole is hardly a prolific scorer and when Ksanavicius missed an absolute sitter early in the game I shook my head smugly. But Laszlo wasn’t accepting hard luck stories and with his constant physical and vocal encouragement from the touchline, the Hearts players refused to let their heads go down. The workrate from the players was significantly higher than it was last season. With the new manager bounding the technical area like a caged animal desperate to be fed, the players knew they had to work like Trojans. There was no little skill either from Hearts with Michael Stewart revelling in midfield and Andrew Driver reminding the more mature Jambo support of 1970s enigmatic winger Bobby Prentice at his best. Defensively there were still problems - I remain unconvinced about Marius Zaliukas - but the more the game went on the more confident young full backs Lee Wallace and Jason Thomson appeared to be. Even Jamie Mole took on the appearance of a street-wise centre forward, his strength on the ball a feature of his play.

In the end Hearts thoroughly deserved their 3-2 win over an impressive Motherwell side who will continue to do well this season. Now one summer a swallow doesn’t make as Hearts supporters know better than most. But the atmosphere was electric at Tynecastle yesterday - when Hearts play well it’s one of the best stadia in the country. For the first time in many months, my passion for Hearts has been rekindled. Yes, we’re a long, long way from the finished article. But for the first time since George Burley we have a manager who knows how to get the best out of his players. Indeed, Saturday’s 3-2 victory was reminiscent of Burley’s first game in charge of Hearts, a 4-2 victory over Kilmarnock three years ago.

I only hope that Vladimir Romanov realises that, on the early evidence provided, Csaba Laszlo has the ability to have Hearts challenging again. He has instilled a work ethic and commitment in his players that is already impressive. On Saturday substitute Juho Makela gave the ball away and Motherwell duly equalised with just ten minutes to go. Thankfully for the home team, Mikoliunas restored Hearts lead almost immediately. But the sight of Laszlo striding on to the pitch at full-time to clip the ear of the Finnish forward as retribution was a site to behold. The workrate, enthusiasm and, indeed, passion are back at Tynecastle.

When George Burley departed less than three years ago, much of those traits went with him. Now Hearts fans want to Rock the Csaba - here’s hoping ‘Shabba’ gets the chance to do so.

Mike Smith, 10 August 2008

When the fixtures for this season’s league campaign were issued back in June the feeling persisted that someone in the hallowed halls of the SPL office at Hampden Park had a sense of humour. After the well-publicised attempt by Hearts to lure Motherwell’s manager Mark McGhee to Tynecastle, there was something inevitable about the former Aberdeen and Celtic player heading to Gorgie for the first league game of the season - albeit still in charge of the team that performed so creditably last season. Motherwell’s participation in this season’s UEFA Cup was one of the reasons cited for McGhee’s decision to stay in Lanarkshire but the fact he was about to step on the plane to Lithuania to speak to Vladimir Romanov indicates it was very much a last minute decision to keep the status quo. Time will tell whether McGhee will regret this decision but I couldn’t help wondering about other players and managers who have left Tynecastle and perhaps wished they hadn’t.

Fifteen years ago one of the most exciting players in years emerged at Tynecastle. Nurtured by then head coach Sandy Clark, Allan Johnston scored on his debut for Hearts in a 1-1 draw against the now defunct Airdrieonians at Tynecastle in May 1993. Johnston was a precocious youngster whose exciting wing play had the fans on the edge of their seats. He was even nicknamed ‘Magic’ after the American basketball player because of the sublime things he could do with a ball. But only three years later and aged just 22, Johnston thought he could further his career away from Tynecastle and left to join Rennes in the French League. He returned to these shores less than a year later to sign for Sunderland and his career seemed to wander aimlessly around some of the lesser lights in England such as Birmingham City and Bolton Wanderers before he joined Rangers in June 2000. His spell at Ibrox with the team against who he had once scored a memorable hat-trick was less than productive and he left a year later for Middlesbrough. The twilight of his career is now spent under his former Hearts mentor Jim Jefferies at Kilmarnock. It’s astonishing to think that ‘Magic’ will be 35 years old later this year - and sad to think that a mercurial talent never really fulfilled its once glittering promise.

A similar tale can be told of Paul Ritchie. Eighteen months after playing a crucial part in Hearts 1998 Scottish Cup triumph, Ritchie left Gorgie convinced the grass was greener elsewhere. After a loan spell at Bolton Wanderers, the central defender infuriated many Hearts supporters when he signed for Rangers in June 2000. However, if the Fifer thought he secured his dream move his hopes were shattered when he was transferred to Manchester City less than three months later. His time at City was less than spectacular and he was subsequently loaned out to Portsmouth and Derby County before joining Walsall. Eventually, in 2004, the man who held such promise in his formative years at Tynecastle headed back to Scotland and Dundee United. Inevitably he left Tannadice after a couple of years to play in Cyprus. On paper Ritchie seems to have achieved so much in the ten years that have passed since he lifted the Scottish Cup with Hearts. Sadly, reality indicates otherwise.

There are other players who have taken their leave from Gorgie convinced they would find a pot of gold at the end of the rainbow. Scott Severin was an important part of the Hearts team that Craig Levein built at the beginning of this decade. But in 2004 Severin declared he had had enough of Scottish football and after his final game for Hearts threw his shirt into the Tynecastle crowd as he set sail for the English Premiership. Sadly, the good ship Sevvy got horribly lost at sea and ran aground at Aberdeen where he remains to this day.

Craig Levein was an outstanding player in maroon and the articulate Fifer forged a promising managerial career at Tynecastle. But less than four years ago Levein left for Leicester stating he wanted to test himself at the highest level. A fair enough reason for leaving but The Foxes never regained their place in the English Premiership and Levein was dispatched without realising his dream. Now at Dundee United, he must wonder what he might have achieved had he remained at Tynecastle with the financial clout of Vladimir Romanov.

So on Saturday Hearts welcome Mark McGhee and his Motherwell team to Tynecastle. McGhee has rightly earned many plaudits for his dignity and professionalism during what has been a difficult few months for everyone at Fir Park. I wonder, though, if when he shakes the hand of Csaba Laszlo before kick-off and soaks up the unique Tynecastle atmosphere, part of him thinks ‘this could have been me….’

Mike Smith, 8 August 2008

Football writers, like supporters, hate the summer. As Wimbledon, the British Grand Prix and the Open golf all take centre stage, the nation’s favourite sport takes a well-earned rest. Thankfully, we’ve had the excellent Euro 2008 to keep us occupied during June and it made for a refreshing change from, at times, quite ridiculous speculation about players and managers coming and going. But if some stories seemed far-fetched, the soap opera that has become Heart of Midlothian FC kept the scribes as busy as ever.

One of the most respected journalists of a generation – the late, great John Fairgrieve – once wrote one of the most emotional articles I’ve ever read about the football club he unsparingly adored. When Hearts lost a Scottish Cup tie to Second Division Forfar Athletic in February 1982, Fairgrieve suggested in his column in the Sunday Mail the following day that Tynecastle should be turned into a car park. The footballing passion of his life had betrayed him and his was an impassioned plea for someone to come in and salvage the wreckage of his marriage to the team he loved. Now, more than a quarter of a century later, a new generation of Hearts supporters harbour the same raw feelings of distress – and divorce appears more and more likely with each passing week.

Following Hearts isn’t easy and never has been. We don’t support Edinburgh’s finest for year on year success, triumphs on a regular basis, glory at every corner. We follow Hearts because, in most cases, it’s a family thing, passed down through generations. Despite somewhat ridiculous claims from our smaller neighbours across the capital city, it is Heart of Midlothian who have been synonymous with good football throughout the years, playing with style, passion and no little skill. The latter may have been in short supply when Fairgrieve wrote his article with Hearts toiling in the First Division and the club heavily in debt and facing the real possibility of closure. Back then there was the excuse that financial mismanagement of the club had had a direct effect on the management of the team – no money meant poor quality of players and obscurity beckoned for a football institution. But the people of Edinburgh and Hearts supporters the world over cared passionately enough to convince Edinburgh businessman Wallace Mercer to save the club from the abyss and he helped take Hearts back from the brink and turned them into one of the best teams in the land once again. Little did we know that Mercer’s successor in the Tynecastle seat of governance would sow the seeds of disillusionment that threatens this great club once more.

To paraphrase a tagline presently used by the club, when Chris Robinson sold the ‘heart and soul of Edinburgh’ to Russian businessman Vladimir Romanov he must have been relieved to end years of incessant abuse directed at him by angry supporters. Hearts debt had reached epidemic proportions and it seemed the only way to save the club from fatality was indeed to turn Tynecastle into a car park – with luxury apartments surrounding it. Three years ago, Romanov stepped in and declared not only would Hearts remain at Tynecastle but also its crumbling main stand would be redeveloped and Hearts would split the Old Firm before winning the UEFA Champions League - all within five years. When Hearts did indeed come between Celtic and Rangers at the end of Romanov’s first year, won the Scottish Cup and made it to the qualifying stages of the Champions League, the Russian became Hearts saviour, the darling of the fans who desperately wanted to ‘believe’. But then came the departure of names whom the fans associated with success – George Burley, Phil Anderton, George Foulkes, Steven Pressley, Paul Hartley, Andy Webster, Rudi Skacel, Craig Gordon – and Hearts have plunged steadily from Champions League qualifiers to the bottom six of the SPL. Now it appears things have reached an impasse.

A man with no prior association with Scottish football and who was once on the run from the KGB during the suspicion laden days of the Soviet Union has turned a famous football name into little more than a circus. It’s eighteen months since former captain Steven Pressley, supported by fellow internationalists Paul Hartley and Craig Gordon gathered the press corps at the club’s training complex at Riccarton to speak out at the shambolic way the club was being run. Hearts finest leader since the legendary John Cumming in the 1950s said ‘there was significant unrest in the dressing room’. Romanov’s answer to the three dissenters was, in true Soviet style, to remove them from Tynecastle. Pressley and Hartley left within weeks; Gordon was off as soon as a decent offer was made for Hearts finest goalkeeper in decades.

The backbone of the team dispatched, Hearts have plugged those significant gaps with suspect Lithuanians and youngsters who are not quite ready for the job.

Hearts have a ’sporting director’ – Anatoly Korobochka – who doesn’t speak English but certainly understands who his employer wants in the team. The hapless Stevie Frail was wheeled out to face the press after games to explain defeat after defeat, baffling tactics and team selection, of which the former Hearts defender was not party to. ‘Shaggy’ as he is affectionately known to a disbelieving support, inevitably paid the price for Hearts failure to make it to the top six of the SPL last season. But in true Romanov fashion, he didn’t dispense with Frail’s services back in May. Instead he let the former Dundee defender return to the club’s training base at Riccarton for the first day of pre-season training - before getting the aforementioned Korobochka to do his dirty work and tell Frail not to come back.

Just a month before the start of the new season, Hearts have appointed Csaba Laszlo as their new manager. The 44-year-old former Ferencváros and Borussia Mönchengladbach coach has signed a three-year contract following the exit of Frail. The Romanian had recently coached the Ugandan national team and was most notably coach at Ferencvaros where he famously had a spat with John Robertson on the Murrayfield touchline during a UEFA Cup tie a few years ago. Not quite the big name with British experience Hearts fans were promised- but then Romanov has a list of empty promises to his name. Romania-born Laszlo will work with Korobochka on first-team matters - which says it all about the club these days. Laszlo will undoubtedly feel the strings being pulled from Lithuania.

The only plus point to come from Tynecastle during the summer was the news that UBIG - the club’s biggest creditor - have, in effect, written off £12m of Hearts spiralling debt by increasing their shareholding to 95%. As the Lithuanian bank already held 80% of shares, it makes little difference to the way the club is run although the decrease in interest payments - believed to be £600k per year- is welcome.

I’ve seen poorer Hearts teams in the past forty years – those Hearts fans who still have the emotional scars of mid to late 1970s will testify to that – but I never been more disillusioned with the club I love than I am today. I have written before that without Romanov’s intervention, Tynecastle would by now be flats with Hearts playing at Murrayfield and dying a slow, painful death. True, Hearts remain at Tynecastle and the plans to redevelop the main stand lie with the City of Edinburgh Council (although I’ll believe it when I see it) But, as both a club and a team, Heart of Midlothian is now a laughing stock. Hearts promise new signings now a new manager has been appointed. But the long suffering supporters know that merely means another few loan signings from Romanov’s other footballing concern, FC Kaunas.

It seems pointless sending a message to Vladimir Romanov. But it would appear more and more Hearts supporters have just about had enough. Worryingly, more and more fans are talking about simply not going back and the drop in season ticket sales by nearly four thousand should have alarm bells ringing in Vlad’s office in Lithuania. Hearts supporters have suffered more than most in the last few years and one wonders if Romanov is aware - or even cares - of their anguish. If the Russian will allow Laslzo to do the things that managers are meant to do – buy and sell players, pick the team, choose the tactics – without interference then many fans would start to believe again. But I strongly suspect this is just not going to happen.

Follow the Hearts and you can’t go wrong, says one of Scottish football’s most famous anthems. It’s also one of Scottish football’s most famous contradictions. But the Hearts of 2008 is not the Hearts that we have grown up with, the childhood sweetheart that tugged mercilessly at our emotions. It’s now a plaything of a Russian totalitarian. Unless someone somewhere makes Romanov an offer he can’t refuse, Hearts may well be on the road to oblivion. And the biggest tragedy will be if those who once supported the club with undying devotion, no longer feel their marriage to the club is worth fighting for.

That day, I fear, may not be far away…

Mike Smith, 11 July 2008

 

 

Campbell Ogilvie (for it is he): Hello, Campbell Ogilvie here.

Vladimir Romanov (for it is also he): Ah, Ogilvie. Have you drawn up a shortlist for my manager yet?

CO: Good morning, boss. Well, it's been difficult but I have some names for you.

VR: I'm listening.

CO: First off is Gudjon Thordarson. He used to manage Stoke City and Iceland.

VR: And tell me Ogilvie what skills a frozen food shop manager will bring to my club?

CO: No, not Iceland, boss - ICELAND. Chilly country near the Artic.

VR: Hmm. And the others?

CO: Well, there's Jim Jefferies. Craig Levein. And, er, Jimmy Calderwood.

VR: Enough of this nonsense! None of these people meet my strict criteria, Ogilvie. Unless you find someone who does you'll soon be a governent artist.

CO: A government artist?

VR: Yes, Ogilvie. Drawing the dole.

CO: Well, there is one person who fits the criteria.

VR: Go on.

CO: He speaks fluent Russian.

VR: Yes.

CO: His first name is Vladimir

VR: I like it - keep going.

CO: He is an astute tactician with brilliant team selection technique

VR: Ogilvie, I've already told you I don't have the time to be manager for a third year in a row.

CO: No, boss. Vladimir Weiss - he's the manager of Artmedia Bratislava.

VR: Ogilvie, I'm going to pass you on to a good friend of mine.

Sir Alan Sugar: Ogilvie? You're fired!

Vladimir Romanov: Ah, Agent McGhee, I’ve been expecting your call. 

Mark McGhee: Hello Mr Romanov. I’ve been considering your generous offer. 

VR: And? 

MM: Before I accept ,I want some assurances. 

VR: Really? And what would these….assurances….be? 

MM: Well, for a start, I want to have sole charge of team selection. There’s no way I’ll be playing numpties like Calum Elliot. 

VR: Ah, young Calum. But I want the team to have some talented Scottish players. 

MM: Right. So we’re agreed, Elliot won’t feature. 

VR: That’s what I said wasn’t it? 

MM: Oh…right then.  

VR: As I've already told you, Agent McGhee, you will decide who plays -  as long as the name Mikoliunas is on the team sheet I’ll leave it up to you. 

MM: Listen, Mr Romanov, I don’t want any headless chickens in the team. 

VR: I agree. What you do with Christian Nade is up to you. 

MM: I want to sign David Clarkson. And Chris Porter. And Graeme Smith. 

VR: You make a lot of demands, Agent McGhee. Very well, I’ll see to it that Derek Riordan is made an offer he finds difficult to understand. 

MM: What? Gordon Strachan’s my best mate and I don’t want any of his rejects. 

VR: Ah! So that’s your game is it, McGhee? 

MM: Pardon? 

VR: You’re engineering a move to Celtic!  

MM: No I’m not – I never said anything of the kind. 

VR: Hmm. Short term memory loss. I think you have an alcohol problem Agent McGhee. I want you to report to the Lithuania Old Soaks Entering Rehab (LOSER) clinic in Kaunas immediately! 

MM: You’re off your head! You can stick your job!

VR: I'm sorry McGhee. For you I have great affection, but we have an old saying: "Duty has no sweethearts"!

MM: We have an old saying too, Mr. Romanov. And you're full of it! (slams down phone) 

VR (to secretary): Get me Edward Malofeev’s number will you? It’s time for Plan B…

 

 

 

If there are some crumbs of comfort to be had from a desperate season for Hearts it’s the emergence of some bright young Scottish talent beginning to make their mark in the first team. The latest player to make an impact is eighteen-year-old Gary Glen who started in the first team for the first time in a SPL match against St. Mirren last month and scored a fine goal. Coach Stephen Frail spoke afterwards about how impressed he had been by the youngster and that how Glen had the chance to sign for Manchester United two years ago but believed his chances of first team football would be better at Tynecastle, a fact he proved correct not only against The Buddies, but again a week later when he netted the only goal of the game against Inverness Caledonian Thistle.

Such a story drew comparisons with a man who went on to become a Tynecastle legend. Gary Mackay was another who was wooed by the Old Trafford giants in the late 1970s before deciding his future lay at the club he supported. Mackay made his Hearts breakthrough as a sixteen year old during some dark times for the Jambos but the midfield maestro would go on to become Hearts all time record appearance holder and play for Scotland. But, much as Mackay remains a hero to me and thousands of other Hearts supporters, if there’s one player whom I hope young Glen emulates it’s a player who was Gary Mackay’s brother in arms in the Hearts team of a quarter of a century ago.

John Robertson made his Hearts debut in 1982 against Queen of the South – lining up alongside his older brother Chris. It was the beginning of a career that would see young Robbo become a Tynecastle legend.As Hearts faced a second successive season in the First Division in 1982, player-manager Alex Macdonald knew they had to get promotion – or face dire financial consequences and the very real possibility of part-time football. Hearts were vying with St. Johnstone, Clydebank and Partick Thistle for two promotion places and as the season entered its final stage, manager Macdonald took the gamble of pitching in a youngster who had been scoring a hatful of goals for the reserves. John Robertson became a first team regular in the final three months of season 1982/83 and 21 goals in 22 games saw him make an immediate impact – and help Hearts to promotion. The Jambos made an astonishing return to the Premier Division in 1983, winning their five games in succession. This included a memorable 3-2 win over Hibernian at Tynecastle in which Robertson scored one of the best goals this writer has ever seen. It was to prove to be the first of 27 Edinburgh derby goals for the man who would become known as The Hammer of the Hibees.

There have been a fair number of decent strikers at Tynecastle since Robbo departed Gorgie in the summer of 1998 clutching a much-yearned Scottish Cup winner’s medal. The likes of Stephane Adam, Andy Kirk, Mark de Vries, Roman Bednar and Edgaras Jankauskas have all made their mark in a maroon shirt. But wee Robbo was a class act. An ill-fated six month spell at Newcastle United apart, Robertson was part of the fixtures and fittings at Tynecastle for seventeen years. And for each of these seventeen years Hearts fans expected their striking hero to put defences to the sword. And he did without fail, especially the hapless Hibees who just couldn’t handle the little fella.

It would be nice to think Gary Glen could emerge as a striker of equal prowess although it’s perhaps unfair to label the youngster with such a tag at this early stage in his career. But it’s clear Glen has that little something that sets him apart. Sir Alex Ferguson was certainly keen to sign him and Fergie doesn’t take that many of his countrymen to Old Trafford (Dalkeith’s Darren Fletcher is the only one in recent years to make the breakthrough although Hearts own Michael Stewart wasn’t far off)

 Hearts have been criticised by some in the media for having too many Lithuanians in the squad and not enough young Scottish talent. Well the assured displays of Gary Glen and Jason Thomson have given food for thought. Hearts next home game is not until August. It would be nice to think that Glen and Thomson would be part of the first team squad when season 2008-09 kicks off in earnest.

 

Mike Smith, 5 May 2008

 

I read a fascinating article earlier this month about the last time Rangers played Sporting Lisbon in a competitive European fixture. It was in the now obsolete European Cup Winners Cup back in 1971 when Rangers had a captain who sported a goatee beard  - and Hearts had a goalkeeper who wore a moustache with distinction (why is it you don’t see many players with moustaches these days?) Rangers had won the first leg of the second round tie at Ibrox 3-2 but lost the return in Portugal 4-3. Now back in the early 1970s, many European ties, which ended level, were settled, somewhat bizarrely, by the captains tossing a coin to decide who would go through to the next round. Indeed Celtic had eliminated Sporting Lisbon’s arch rivals Benfica from the European Cup a couple of years earlier thanks to captain Billy McNeill shouting heads when the referee flicked a coin in the air after the tie ended 3-3 on aggregate.

 In their wisdom, UEFA decided that this was a ludicrous way to decide a football match and introduced the away goals counts double in the event of a draw rule for all European competitions for season 1971-72. Except someone forgot to tell Dutch referee Laurens van Raven who decided that a penalty shoot-out would be required with Rangers and Sporting Lisbon tied at 6-6. Sporting belied their name and proceeded to win the penalty showdown after a somewhat bemused Rangers team had missed four penalty kicks. Thankfully for the Ibrox team, the UEFA delegate was on hand to put things right and Willie Waddell’s side progressed not only to the next round but all the way to the final in Barcelona where they defeated Moscow Dynamo to famously lift the trophy (Hearts star of the early 1980s, Willie ‘Bud’ Johnston scoring twice in a 3-2 win) One would be inclined to believe that such an unbelievable feat – the penalty shoot-out that never was, not Rangers winning a European trophy - would never happen now. But nevertheless season 2007-08 has been a strange old campaign.

For example, anyone putting money on Queen of the South to reach the Scottish Cup Final a few months ago would have risked succumbing to the same fate as former England star Paul Gascoigne and be sectioned under the Mental Health Act. But I don’t doubt that at least one person in Dumfries did just that – and with odds of 500/1 at the start of the season for The Doonhamers reaching their first ever cup final, they would have had to be scraped off the ceiling following their side’s epic semi-final win over Aberdeen on Saturday. Who would have thought former Hearts player Neil McFarlane would get another shot at glory? As two other former Jambos – Scott Severin and Alan Maybury – trooped off Hampden in despair as Aberdeen were humbled, a present day Jambo was contemplating returning to the National Stadium for the showpiece occasion of the season. Here’s hoping Hearts goalkeeper Jamie McDonald returns to Tynecastle after his loan spell at Queen of the South with a Scottish Cup winners medal.

 Much has been said about the giantkilling nature of the FA Cup in England this season but Queen’s remarkable efforts have shown – just like their neighbours Gretna two years ago – that the underdog can still have its day in Scotland. With money dictating football like never before, it’s refreshing to see something different. While the money-laden Celtic and Rangers have always dominated Scottish football, the FA Premiership now appears to have created four monsters in England – Manchester United, Chelsea, Arsenal and Liverpool. Backed by multi-millionaire business consortiums, the race for the league title in England has become as predictable as it has north of the border. And, some would argue, at the detriment of the national team. Recently there were two champions league quarter finals, involving three English teams but there was only one English born goalscorer  - and he played for Fernebahce…

 This year’s cup competitions on both sides of Hadrian’s Wall have been a refreshing throwback to more innocent times. When the likes of Airdrieonians and Fulham made it to their respective cup finals in 1975. When supporters of less fashionable clubs knew their dreams of cup glory weren’t just pie in the sky (unless you followed Hibernian….) And when some hapless referees weren’t sure of the rules.

Okay, perhaps things haven’t changed that much…!

 

Mike Smith, 13 April 2008

 

 

 

The talk o’ the toon are the boys in maroon goes part of the lyrics of one of Scottish football’s most famous anthems. As April 2006 began both Hearts and Hibs were the talk of the whole country as the biggest Edinburgh derby in over a century  - the Scottish Cup semi-final at Hampden Park – took place on Sunday 2^nd April. The build up was intense, the anticipation mind-blowing and the mood of supporters of both teams was fraught. The game had been on my mind since the draw had been made several weeks earlier and now the moment had arrived. Defeat to Hibernian is a bitter experience at the best of times – thankfully this doesn’t happen too often. Losing a cup semi-final is a bitter experience at the best of times – sadly, this happens all too frequently for Hearts fans. Many people said that losing a cup semi-final to Hibernian just didn’t bear thinking about – but the problem was it did bear thinking about. The difficulty was how to cope with such a scenario. And so it was on a dull Sunday morning that the mass exodus from Edinburgh headed to Scotland’s largest city, nerves frayed, for a game that would ensure bragging rights in the capital city for years to come.

Hearts: Gordon; Neilson; Pressley; Webster; Goncalves; Cesnauskis; Hartley; Aguiar; Skacel; Jankauskas and Elliot.

There had been jibes from some Hibs fans that they would have the larger of the supports as all tickets for the green and white end had been sold while apparently Hearts had not sold all their briefs. But the truth was there for all to see as the game kicked off at a gloomy, cold Hampden. While there was a smattering of empty seats in the Hearts end, there were huge gaps at the other side of the stadium. Row after row of empty blue seats gave the obvious statement that Hibs had come nowhere close to selling all of their ticket allocation. Although the game was live on Sky Television – another ridiculous kick-off time of 12.15pm on a Sunday – this was nevertheless something of an embarrassment for those associated with the Easter Road club. If they couldn’t sell tickets for a Scottish Cup semi-final with their Edinburgh rivals – well, need I say more? And those of the green and white persuasion wondered why Hearts fans referred to them as the wee team?

Much had been made of Hibernian missing several key players – Derek Riordan was suspended while Scott Brown was also out – but Hearts too were without the suspended Roman Bednar and, perhaps more importantly, Julien Brellier. The Frenchman had been a key part of Hearts season and his absence would be sorely felt. Acting Head Coach Valdas Ivanauskas brought back Calum Elliot and gave Brellier’s role to Bruno Aguiar. Interestingly, the former Kaunas coach opted for Jose Goncalves at full back, opining that the Portuguese player’s pace would be better at handling the speedy threat of Hibs Ivan Sproule.

Semi-finals are not renowned for their free-flowing football but this game began in promising fashion when in the opening minute Rudi Skacel – who had taken more than his fair share of flak during the week for his ‘diving’ antics at Falkirk a week earlier – raced past Whittaker and delivered a fine cross into the Hibs penalty box. Jankauskas’ attempt to get on the end of this cross was thwarted by a combined effort from Hogg and Caldwell. Minutes later Eddie J. had a chance of his own but his effort was too direct at Hibs keeper Malkowksi and the wee team breathed again. Tony Mowbray’s side came close themselves with long range efforts from Fletcher and Whittaker, the latter of which forced Craig Gordon to tip over the crossbar and we heaved a sigh of relief as we did again shortly after when Caldwell headed past with the Hearts defence looking less than assured. The game was more entertaining than we had expected it to be given the stakes were so high but from our vantage point in the West Stand, we were enduring the game rather than enjoying it and many Hearts fans cursed the newly introduced smoking ban in enclosed public spaces in Scotland. Couldn’t the Scottish Executive have waited a couple of weeks?

Paul Hartley was the Hearts player causing his former team-mates most grief and the Hibs keeper brilliantly turned his free-kick over the bar. But on twenty-five minutes Hearts went ahead with a goal that was typical of the team this season. Hibs were on the attack when Benjelloun lost the ball on the edge of the Hearts penalty area. Hartley collected the ball and raced down the middle of the park before passing to Jankauskas on the left. Eddie ran on to the edge of the Hibs penalty box before passing back to Hartley who, with the outside of his foot, slipped the pass past Malkowksi to give Hearts the lead. Cue rapturous celebrations among the huge Hearts contingent. It was a marvellous goal even if it was slightly against the run of play and it gave the maroons the confidence to take control of the game. Hibs were resorting to long-range efforts although Robbie Neilson made a brilliant tackle on Sproule as the first half came to its conclusion. But no sooner had the fourth official indicated there would only be one minute’s stoppage time at the end of the first half than Steven Pressley suffered a head knock and while he returned to the field after lengthy treatment it was obvious he would be in no fit state to continue after the break. Ivanauskas made the obvious switch for the start of the second half by replacing the captain with Takis Fyssas with Goncalves switching to centre half and the Greek international occupying his familiar full back berth.

A goal down it was expected that Hibs would start the second half on the offensive and they did with Kevin Thomson having an early chance. We fidgeted nervously in our seats constantly looking at the time elapsed on the giant Hampden scoreboards as Hibs continued to exert pressure. Hearts fans urged their side to score a second goal and Paul Hartley duly obliged with an hour of the game gone. Fyssas had ambled forward to the edge of the Hibs penalty box where he was rather needlessly upended. Cue Hartley who assessed the options available to him in the box where Eddie J. and Calum Elliot among others were lurking. But Hartley proved, not for the first time, that he has brilliant vision. Spotting Malkowksi had inexplicably left a gap at his near post, the Scotland star delivered a brilliant cross that went straight into the net past the bemused Hibs goalkeeper. 2-0 to Hearts and we danced on the steep slopes of the old stadium!

We knew Hibs would storm forward looking for the goal that would bring them back into the game and the ever dangerous Steven Whittaker fired in an effort which produced a brilliant save from Craig Gordon. But as Hearts sensed victory our emotions were tempered somewhat with the sight of Jose Goncalves in a crumpled heap just behind Gordon’s goal. The goalkeeper had obvious concern for his team-mate but was deemed to be time wasting by referee Stuart Dougal who booked Scotland’s number one number one. Goncalves required several minutes treatment and the worrying sign of a neck brace being used emphasised that the Hearts keeper was right to be worried. Goncalves eventually left the field (thankfully it turned out to be nothing more serious than concussion) and Hearts had to do another patchwork job on their defence. Mikoliunas came on which meant Rudi Skacel was deployed at full back and we hoped this disruption wouldn’t give Hibs the green light to get back into the game. We needn’t have worried.

Mikoliunas showed his determination by superbly taking the ball off Sproule. The Northern Irish international’s response was to haul down the Lithuanian before inexplicably standing on his back. As this was in full view of Stuart Dougal the referee had no choice but to send Sproule for an early bath – much to the delight of the Hearts support. Shortly afterwards Hibs further contributed to their own downfall when a passback to Malkowksi was casually anticipated by the Hibs goalkeeper who let Eddie Jankauskas nip the ball from his toes, go round him and slot the ball into the empty net. 3-0 to Hearts and the game was over! With just nine minutes to go we knew that not even Hearts could throw this away and a place in the Scottish Cup Final was ours. A fact thousands of Hibs fans acknowledged by heading for the exits.

There was still time for one more Hearts goal. Substitute Michal Pospisil raced through on goal only to be pulled back by Hibs Gary Smith. As happened in the last Edinburgh derby at Tynecastle, the former Aberdeen player was red-carded as he had denied a goal scoring opportunity. The resultant penalty was expertly converted by Paul Hartley to complete the former Hibee’s hat-trick against his old club and his delight at this achievement was there for all to see. The final whistle sounded soon after and Hearts fans and players celebrated a famous 4-0 victory and a place in the Scottish Cup Final. The biggest Edinburgh derby in over a century had been a comprehensive victory for the biggest club in Edinburgh – and how we celebrated as we headed back to Auld Reekie. The Tynecastle Arms rocked that Sunday evening as we savoured the third time we had put four goals past the wee team that season – and it had been the Edinburgh derby to beat all other Edinburgh derbies (including a certain result in 1973)

Hearts, of course, went on to win the Scottish Cup defeating Gretna in the final after a penalty shoot-out - but the semi-final derby demolition of Hibernian was as sweet as it comes!

Mike Smith (extract from Hearts - The Diary of an Incredible Season, Black and White Publishers, May 2006)

 

The return of Craig Levein and Mark de Vries to Tynecastle on Saturday brings back fond memories of one of Hearts greatest ever Edinburgh derby victories – the 5-1 hammering of the Hibees on 11 August 2002.

Despite the financial crisis that embroiled Hearts, there were the usual optimistic noises from those in maroon that manager Craig Levein’s rebuilding of the club was beginning to bear fruit. The signing of Frenchman Jean-Louis Valois and Surinamese striker Mark de Vries and the later acquisition of Middlesbrough midfield dynamo Phil Stamp gave a new look to Hearts and all three players arrived in Gorgie with decent reputations. It was de Vries who attracted the main attention, and the big centre forward made his Hearts debut coming on as a substitute in the opening league game of season 2002-03 – a 1-1 draw at Dundee.

Hearts next game against our wee neighbours was – as always – hugely anticipated. Mid August it may have been but the capital city was engulfed with dark menacing clouds and the incessant torrent of rain drenched most of the 15,000 plus fans who snaked their way through the festival traffic to Tynecastle. BBC Television covered the game live and it’s fair to say the Beeb couldn’t have picked a better game  - if you were a Jambo that is…

Hearts started with de Vries and Andy Kirk – Ulster Andy as he was affectionately known – up front with Jean-Louis Valois providing the service to the front two. The opening period of the game was a typical, tense, nervy affair and Hibs created a couple of early chances, most notably through Derek Townsley and Garry O’Connor. But after eighteen minutes, keeper Antti Niemi launched a long ball forward which was flicked on by the imposing figure of Mark de Vries for Andy Kirk to run on and slip the ball past Tony Caig to give Hearts the lead. Kirk came close to a second soon after before Scott Severin  - in the days when Sevvy played for a big team – saw a diving header smack off the crossbar. But a richly deserved second Hearts goal arrived five minutes before half-time when de Vries converted Jean Louis Valois’ delightfully chipped cross. Although Hearts fans can never take anything for granted, it was a hugely satisfying half-time cup of tea as we glanced over to the depressed looking patrons in the Roseburn Stand. But the feeling of smugness disappeared when Ian Murray pulled a goal back early in the second half and I cursed my team for always making it difficult. But a certain big number nine wasn’t finished yet!

As Hibs pressed for an equaliser and their fans chanted they were Hibernian FC and they hated Jam Tarts and hated Dundee (well, it rhymes, bless ‘em) Hearts broke forward on the counter-attack. A fierce shot from Jean-Louis Valois was superbly saved by Caig – only for the ball to break to de Vries who drilled home his second and Hearts third. There were still over twenty minutes left but this was the cue for the early departure of many in green and white – but the icing was still to come for the Hearts cake!

We sat in the Wheatfield Stand content with yet another derby win and a 3-1 scoreline was quite respectable. But in injury time de Vries skipped past a couple of Hibs challenges to grab his hat-trick and we celebrated what we thought was a 4-1 win as the Hibs end emptied quicker than the Gretna bank balance. Then, astonishingly, in the third minute of injury time, substitute Gary Wales chased what seemed a lost cause and gathered the ball on the right. The former Hamilton Accies player swung over a deep cross which the now tiring de Vries launched himself at – and the big striker’s header bounced off the ground and into the net. 5-1! I thought Tynecastle was going to collapse such was the bedlam among the home support. The euphoria that greeted referee Mike McCurry’s final whistle had not been felt on such a scale at Tynecastle for years. It was the best Hearts-supporting moment in my life since the Scottish Cup win four years earlier.

As jubilant Hearts fans headed for the numerous hostelries in Gorgie to celebrate the trouncing of their city rivals – and it was sweet revenge for a certain 6-2 reversal at Easter Road a couple of years earlier – the chant was it was So Mark de Vriesy! Ironically it wasn’t that easy as Hibs had a number of chances and were still very much in the game with twenty-five minutes to go. But 5-1 is 5-1 and having been the butt of so many jibes since the 6-2 game, we weren’t going to let the wee team’s followers forget it!

It’s always a pleasure to welcome Craig Levein back to Tynecastle. As a player he attained legendary status and as a manager he will always be remembered for that 5-1 hammering of the Hibs. As will a player now wearing the tangerine of Dundee United - Mark de Vries, whose four goals that day will always be cherished by a grateful Hearts support!

 

Mike Smith, 27 March 2008 

 

An international player in trouble with his country for allegedly high jinks just a couple of days before a Scotland-England game. A Scottish team with a decent chance of making it to the quarter finals of the UEFA Cup. And Scotland's international footballers facing the distinct possibility of taking on Iran. For a moment at the beginning of this month, I thought I had done a ‘Life on Mars’ and been transported back to the 1970s. Okay, Danny Cipriani, the England rugby team’s fly-half may have made an indiscretion that wasn’t in the same league as Scotland’s mercurial football wizard Jimmy Johnstone – older readers will recall Jinky being cast adrift in a rowing boat in the middle of the night at Largs days before he tore England apart at Hampden in 1974 – but the news that the Scottish Football Association were looking at arranging a game against Iran stirred memories most Scots would rather they forgot.

The one and only time Scotland have faced Iran was in the ill-fated World Cup finals in Argentina in 1978. Under the tutelage of the ebullient Ally MacLeod – who said he felt Scotland would get a medal at the biggest football tournament in the world – Scotland was a country awash with arrogance, rabid optimism and wholly unrealistic ambition. When the draw was made for the final stages of the tournament in January of that year, Scotland were in the section that included Holland, Peru and Iran. Engulfed by the tidal wave of misplaced buoyancy, Daily Express reporter Ian Archer – now sadly no longer with us – opined that surely that was a passport to the next round. Archer let his enthusiasm get the better of him – as most of us did at that time. When Scotland began their campaign against the ‘minnows’ of Peru they were put to the sword by the veteran hitman Cubillas who scored twice as his countrymen inflicted a 3-1 defeat on the sorry Scots. Worse was to follow after the match when Scotland winger Willie Johnston was found to have taken a banned substance. In Johnston’s case, it was a seemingly innocuous flu remedy but it contained a drug banned by FIFA and Bud was immediately sent home and Scotland were in crisis. A crisis that deepened when Scotland surpassed their woeful performance against Peru by struggling to a 1-1 draw in their next game against Iran. The Scots couldn’t even score, their solitary counter coming courtesy of an own goal from Iranian defender Eskandarian. It was a game so awful that STV commentator, the legendary Arthur Montford, could barely talk as full-time approached and a crucial point was dropped. The Scots were all but out of the competition but typically they defeated Holland 3-2 in their final game to go out on goal difference. Thirty years on the memories are still painful for emotionally scarred Scots. Which begs the question – why are Scotland considering an end of season friendly in Teheran?

Scotland narrowly lost out on qualification for Euro 2008 so I’m surprised there aren’t a queue of representatives of nations who did qualify knocking at the door of SFA Chief Executive Gordon Smith looking for a test for their country before the tournament kicks off in June. It had been mooted at one point that England might entertain the idea of having the Scots at Wembley. But of course, Steven Gerrard and co. also failed to qualify. Scotland’s stock has risen of late and indeed welcomed Croatia to Hampden last week. All the more surprising then why it’s the Iranians – who were banned by FIFA a couple of years ago because of what Sepp Blatter called excessive government interference – who have been the first to invite the Scots for an end of season kick about.

If it goes ahead the fixture will take place on 28 May – just a week after the Scottish Cup final. My more cynical side says it will be interesting to see how many players pull out of the Scotland squad – what’s more enticing, a trip to one of the most volatile places in the world or a week on a beach in the Caribbean? Hmm, tricky one. On the plus side if Scotland boss George Burley does find there is a substantial withdrawal of players withdrawing their services, there may be an opportunity for the likes of Christophe Berra and Robbie Neilson – who Burley, of course, already knows – to stake their place for international honours. Robbie, of course, has already played for the full Scotland team and let no one down in the 2-0 defeat to Italy eighteen months ago.

Thirty years on from their last meeting with Iran, Scotland will be warm favourites to record a victory in Tehran, no matter what team George Burley puts out. However, the Tartan Army will feel safe in the knowledge that, no matter the result, the feelings of despair and abject misery experienced in Cordoba thirty years will not be felt in Teheran. Although Arthur Montford may be hiding behind the sofa when the game kicks off!

Mike Smith, 9 March 2008

 

Last Saturday there was an outcry after a late tackle from Birmingham City’s Martin Taylor on the Arsenal striker Eduardo resulted in serious injury for the Brazilian born Croatian. With just two minutes gone, Taylor lunged in and his studs caught the Arsenal player’s ankle with such ferocity that it buckled and, looking at photographs on the internet, nearly ripped his foot from his ankle. The incident shocked the football world and there was immediate condemnation from the Arsenal manager Arsene Wenger who said after the game that Taylor should never play football before. Wenger later retracted his statement but the fact the game was stopped for eight minutes as Eduardo received treatment and many of the Arsenal players were visibly shaken by what happened to their team mate illustrated this was no ordinary injury.

There is no doubt that it was serious and at the time of writing the Arsenal striker’s career hangs in the balance. But the reaction to it, both during the game and its aftermath was something I can’t recall seeing before. Some footballers today  - particularly in the FA Premiership – are often accused of being egotistic, money-grabbing, ignorant wanna-be celebrities whose main reason for the playing ‘the beautiful game’ is to make as much money as possible. Through their agents, they screw their clubs for a ridiculous salary – some high profile players are reportedly earning, although I use the term loosely £100k per week – and then struggle to perform consistently well on the pitch. So-called star strikers will tap the ball into an empty net from six inches and then embark on a ludicrous with their team mates, quite often and in my view infuriatingly, kissing the badge as they do so. Supporters aren’t gullible – they know those players kissing the badge are more than likely to be heading off to pastures new within a matter of months once their agent negotiates a better financial deal. Now you can call me an old relic from the past but back in the days when football wasn’t so much of a money-making exercise it is today, there wouldn’t have been the knee-jerk – if you’ll pardon the pun – reaction to the tackle made on Eduardo there was last Saturday.

Older readers still have fond memories of Hearts legend Drew Busby putting the frighteners on the opposition. Super Drew never flinched a tackle and was hard but fair. His commitment to Hearts was never questioned – if there was a fifty-fifty challenge to be won, my money would be on Busby every time. At the top of this article is a famous photograph of a game against Partick Thistle at Tynecastle in the early 1970s with Busby and Alan Hansen, now BBC pundit on Match of the Day, going for the ball. The photograph shows Busby pulling back his left peg to strike with Hansen putting his hands up to protect himself, his face contorted with fear. It’s an iconic image of the man who was a hero to the Hearts fans who watched in admiration from the terracings.

From the same era there were the likes of Rangers captain John Greig and Celtic’s Tommy Gemmell who, like Busby, would never shirk a challenge. The story about Greig goes along the lines of the Rangers manager telephoning Greig’s wife on a Saturday evening to give her the news that Greig had a broken leg. Mrs Greig’s alleged reply was ‘Oh no – whose is it?’ Whilst playing for Scotland, Tommy Gemmell was the victim of a crude challenge from a West German player during a crucial World Cup qualifying tie in Hamburg in 1969. Gemmell didn’t roll about the ground in agony, pleading for immediate assistance as he could have done. The full back immediately pulled himself up from the floor and chased after the West German player before booting him up the backside. Naturally, Gemmell was sent off and Scotland’s World Cup hopes went with him but you can perhaps see the point I’m making.

Now I don’t mean to trivialise the Eduardo incident and I wish the striker all the very best for a full recovery. But the reaction to a tackle that would have scarcely raised an eyebrow thirty years ago seemed to me to be a little over the top. Eduardo’s Croatia captain Niko Kovac said: "I can't believe this happened. Also, I can't believe such brutality still exists in football.” But football is a contact sport. Short of banning tackling all together such challenges will always exist.

But – and perhaps it’s an age thing - I can’t help but feel that footballers were a different breed thirty or forty years ago. I just can’t imagine the likes of Busby, Greig or Gemmell flinching at such a challenge on any of their team mates.

Just ask Alan Hansen!

Mike Smith, 26 February 2008

 

 

The Circus Continues was a thread started the other week on The Talk O’ The Toun’, a popular Hearts supporters forum on the internet. The post was a comment on the latest rumour to emanate from Tynecastle, this one involving the club’s top scorer Andrius Velicka. The story originated from that bastion of public broadcasting, the BBC, who said ‘they understood’ that Velicka had been the subject of a £1m offer from Norwegian club Viking Stavanger and the Lithuanian would be free to cross the North Sea as the Norwegian transfer window didn’t close until April.

There was a certain irony in the fact that many Hearts supporters were angry at this latest news and the fact that certain commentators weren’t slow in criticising Hearts owner Vladimir Romanov. The argument that Hearts, hardly setting the goalscoring charts alight this season, would be foolhardy in selling the one player who could score goals  - and at a crucial time of the season – was a strong one. Coming on top of the sale of goalkeeper Craig Gordon at the beginning of the season, the loan of striker Roman Bednar to West Bromwich Albion – the Czech player says he won’t be back at Tynecastle under any circumstances and the departure of Michal Pospisil – the imminent departure of Velicka was more ammunition to those Hearts fans who had turned against Romanov in increasing numbers since the infamous Riccarton Three episode last season. It also added weight to the theory that, having ploughed millions of pounds into Hearts in the last three years, the Russian tycoon was looking to recoup some of that outlay. But some people saw the Velicka story differently.

It should be remembered that Velicka is not, strictly speaking, a Hearts player. His registration is with FC Kaunas- like so many of his countrymen he was sent to Hearts on loan. No matter that Romanov bankrolls FC Kaunas, the Lithuanian club are hardly likely to be in a position to be able to turn down £1m for one of their players. And many football observers have been critical of Hearts signing so many Lithuanian players that has threatened the development of young Scottish talent. So when one of those Lithuanians is seemingly on his way it smacks of double standards to criticise Hearts for letting him go.

Velicka is a decent striker but that’s all he is. He’s scarcely in the John Robertson mould and his work rate at times is questionable. Like many of the present Hearts team, Velicka’s head seems to drop all too easily, particularly when Hearts go behind. When was the last time Hearts came from behind to win a game? I’ll tell you – it was the opening day of season 2005-06 when Hearts won 4-2 at Kilmarnock at the beginning of the all too brief George Burley reign. Velicka has scored goals this season but he’s also missed numerous chances. In particular, his glorious opportunity to equalise in the CIS Insurance Cup semi-final against Rangers at Hampden was arguably the turning point of the game. Had Velicka scored instead of blasting his effort wide, Hearts may have gone on to progress to the final. Instead, Rangers went two goals ahead shortly after and it was game over.

As it appears to be for Andrius Velicka’s ‘career’ at Tynecastle. I won’t be losing any sleep over the Lithuanian’s departure but for many Hearts fans this is another nail in their once blossoming love affair with Vladimir Romanov. Vlad is rarely seen in Gorgie these days and it’s not really a surprise. He is the ringleader of the Tynecastle Circus and no one knows what is going to happen next. His declared intention three years ago of Hearts winning the Champions League within five years was mocked at the time and is now simply an embarrassment for the club. Two and a half years ago, he had the tools to develop Hearts into a force to be reckoned with. But, one by one, the likes of Burley, Andy Webster, Rudi Skacel, Steven Pressley, Paul Hartley, Craig Gordon, Roman Bednar and now, it seems, Andrius Velicka all took their leave.

Hearts have had no manager to speak of for over a year. Caretaker coach Stephen Frail doesn’t know what he’ll be doing next season. Nor do many of the Hearts players as stories of a mass clear out continue. The uncertainty of what will be happening next season will surely be reflected in the sale of season tickets for next year’s campaign.

I fear the circus tent may be half empty….

Mike Smith, 24 February 2008

 

 

 

 

I can exclusively reveal that a directive, allegedly written on SFA headed notepaper and intended for referee Dougie MacDonald, has been sent in error to a good friend of mine called Dougie Macdonught. Although this is confidential, I now feel it is my duty to produce in full The Referee’s Guide to Celtic Park, in a style lifted from the Andy Walker School of Journalism…

1)      Celtic play in green and white hoops. Don’t be confused by Jan Vennegoor of Hesselink appearing to play in green, white and black – that’s just his name on the back of his shirt.

2)      Celtic Park is the home of many fine traditions and one of these is that Celtic don’t get beaten at home. Therefore any dubious decision in Celtic’s favour is merely your way of upholding this fine and honourable tradition. For handy hints and further advice, please do not hesitate to contact your colleague Ian Brines.

3)      Try not to feel too pressurised by fifty thousand screaming Celtic fans. Remember they are just fun-loving Glaswegians who like to enjoy the odd bottle or ten of Buckfast. Rumours about powdered substance in your cup of Bovril at half-time and phone calls to your wife about the young blonde woman who is watching you from the stand today are merely that – rumours.

4)      Celtic can not concede free-kicks or penalty kicks as their players are under strict instructions not to kick the opposition (certainly not when you are looking) This maintains the fine spirit of sportsmanship held by Celtic manager Gordon Strachan, a trait he developed as a player everyone loved when he was at Aberdeen twenty years ago.

5)      Celtic’s opponents today are Heart of Midlothian. I don’t think we need to add much more other than slightly amend the words of that Norwegian football commentator from a few years ago.  Vladimir Romanov. Stephen Frail. Saulius Mikoliunas. Your boys will take one hell of a beating.

6)      Heart of Midlothian will have similar traits to most other teams visiting Celtic Park – they are liable to give away needless penalty kicks anywhere up to five yards outside the penalty box. You will need to be on your guard and be prepared to do the right thing (remember the tradition)

7)      Please remember that extended highlights of this game will be shown on Scotsport and Setanta Television. There is nothing more embarrassing for Archie ‘Woof’ MacPherson or that English chap on the Irish station when they describe a neck high lunge by Stephen McManus as enthusiastic and then you come over and book the player. Before reaching for your card, remember McManus is the captain of Celtic Football Club (ã Tommy Burns) and your actions will be shown on television and will be subject to ridicule by the likes of Hugh ‘that’s a rather snide comment’ Keevins.

8)      You will be aware that Hearts have had numerous players sent off this season; Christophe Berra is likely to deny wonderboy Aiden Mcgeady a goalscoring opportunity merely by glaring at him. You know what action to take.

9)      Please do not be alarmed by the fact that Celtic substitute Derek Riordan carries a lump of horse manure on his person. Being a former player of Hibernian FC, he simply uses this for identification (although his ridiculous hair cut should be enough)

10)  The Celtic player Gary Caldwell is another who is a former player of Hibernian FC. When you look to caution him for persistent fouling as was the case when he played in Edinburgh, please remember that a) Caldwell now plays for Celtic, therefore the persistent fouling rule no longer applies and b) as Caldwell plays for Celtic he is now an established Scotland international player. Sending him off means lack of match practice that will affect George Burley and the national team.

11)  If you enjoy the pre-match build up on radio then you will find the set in your dressing room is pre-tuned to BBC Radio Scotland’s Sportsound programme. Do not re-adjust should you experience what you think is interference – this will only be the sound of the BBC engineer trying to remove Chick Young’s tongue from Gordon Strachan’s rectum.

12)  You may experience a high-pitched whining noise throughout the duration of the game. You may initially suspect this is interference in the public address system after endless broadcasts of a song about the Irish potato famine. This is not the case – it will be the constant diatribe aimed at you from Paul Hartley. But as Celtic are playing Hearts the SFA rulebook prevents you from booking the likeable bearded lad.

13)   If all is well and, as expected, Celtic close the gap at the top of the SPL accordingly, our Chief Executive Gordon Smith will meet you in the Lisbon Lions Bar after the game for a pint of Guinness. Sorry, ignore that, I’ve just been told he’ll be at a Rangers Supporter’s Club dinner and dance…

 So there you have it – proof, if proof were needed, that Hearts will find it tough in the east end of Glasgow on Saturday...

 

 

Hearts recent nerve jangling run without a victory was painful for the long-suffering supporters who had almost forgotten what it was like to head to the pub for a post-match pint and bask in the glow of success. Before last month’s recent instalment of Hibs calamity keepers, Hearts had not won a game since Remembrance Sunday last November. Of course the longer such a run went on the more difficult it was to have the confidence to end it. But not for the first time we had our city neighbours to thank in times of crisis.

Such a winless streak brought to mind season 1998-99, the season after Hearts Scottish Cup triumph. With Edinburgh’s lesser team getting beat at home by the likes of Stranraer in the First Division, Hearts fans were on cloud nine after defeating Rangers in the first league game of the season. But things went steadily downhill that season and when Neil McCann and David Weir left during the festive period, Hearts went on an inglorious run in which they couldn’t score a goal, far less win a game. Ten months after lifting the Scottish Cup, Hearts had slumped to the bottom of the Premier League and the relegation trapdoor was getting its hinges oiled.

In desperation, then Hearts manager Jim Jefferies turned to former Rangers striker Gary McSwegan to get the goals needed to drag Hearts out of the relegation dogfight (teams fighting relegation are always referred to as being in a ‘dogfight’) It was far from an immediate success with McSwegan taking some time to adjust and it’s fair to say he wasn’t a particular favourite of the Hearts support. But after going six games without scoring a goal – including a 2-0 defeat at Dundee which marked the debut of Mo Berthe, a player whose display for the maroons that day still invokes looks of horror from Jambos who were at Dens Park to witness it – Hearts took on Kilmarnock at Tynecastle. McSwegan, who previously had struggled to locate a cow’s backside let alone hit it with a banjo, scored twice as Hearts ended their miserable losing run with a 2-2 draw. It was the catalyst for a remarkable revival. Three days later, thousands of Hearts supporters headed for Tannadice as Hearts faced a tricky game against Dundee United but knowing a win would lift them off the bottom of the table. McSwegan scored an absolute screamer that night from all of twenty yards (although the intervening years may have added a yard or two to the actual distance) to give Hearts the lead. The return of the hugely influential Colin Cameron from long-term injury and the signing of Darren Jackson helped transform Hearts and they secured a 3-1 win that night, a long-awaited victory that convinced most of us that we wouldn’t be tarnished by relegation as our wee neighbours had been the year before. Indeed Hearts and McSwegan in particular then couldn’t stop scoring and ended the season by scoring five goals at Pittodrie as Hearts finished in sixth place in the league.

Those more mature Hearts supporters will remember how we weren’t so lucky in 1977. Kilmarnock were cut adrift at the foot of the Premier Division but in those days there were two teams demoted from the top flight. The main contenders to join the Ayrshire men in the drop were Hearts and Ayr United and the two met at Tynecastle on a gloomy April evening in 1977. In an effort to beat the drop, Hearts had signed winger Malcolm Robertson from Ayr several weeks earlier but Malky was controversially ordered off that night and the Somerset Park men went on to 2-1 on a thoroughly miserable night in Gorgie. We left Tynecastle that evening knowing that, for the first time in Hearts long and proud history, relegation was a near certainty. Weeks later it was confirmed and there were more than a few tears shed in the shed!

The game with Gretna will bring back haunting memories for those Hearts fans who stood on the crumbling Tynecastle terracing more than thirty years ago. Although this game is not quite the winner takes all that marked the game with Ayr United three decades since, defeat for Hearts would make the rest of the season akin to watching a bad traffic accident. You want to look away but you feel you must look through your fingers at the carnage. At the time of writing, Gretna are fourteen points behind Stevie Frail’s men but they do have two games in hand – as Ayr United had all those years ago. And there are those who point to the fact that Hearts have still to defeat Gretna over ninety minutes after three attempts.

But they should also know that Gretna have failed to beat Hearts too. And the men in maroon, unlike their Borders foes, know what it’s like to fight a relegation battle. As those of us of a certain vintage know only too well!

Mike Smith, 9 February 2008